The Long Way
by cutflowers
Summary: AU, Amissverse. Sequel to Amiss. It's been three years since Miley walked away from being Hannah, and she and Lilly are leading normal, quiet lives. But how long is that going to last? And is her past going to come back to haunt her? Miley/Lilly.
1. A Chance Worth Taking

**Y'all. We went to the state fair on Saturday. Mitchel was there. We did not actually go see him, because, well, honestly I am not willing to pay 15 dollars to have my hearing permanently damaged by screaming eleven-year-olds. But we did stand around outside the grandstand for the length of two songs, enjoying the diversity and talent of his background dancers (one was blonde and one was brunette! Sometimes they twirled around!) from a distance while trying to figure out what the hell he was wearing (one of my friends thought rhinestones were involved, but I think they were just really shiny metal buttons). Sadly, we were too far away for me to tell if he was wearing those sunglasses that make him look like a bug. At one point, my friend said, "Is he...is he trying to **_**rap?**_**" and that's when we realized it was time to go.**

**Anyway. **

**Warning: You guys are going to read this story and go, "Omg, wtf is she on?" Well, I'll tell you. It's crack. Craaaaack. **

**Rated M for the usual reason. All you slow build-up people are going to hate me. Oh, and Amissverse Miley would kick my ass if she knew I was doing it (you'll see why later), but chapter titles will still be taken from Hannah lyrics.  
**

**Disclaimer: We all know they're not mine, but Disney would have to be stupid to sue me over this story. I can think of about five different ways they'd lose.**

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**Chapter One: A Chance Worth Taking**

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_When you look back there is always the past  
Even when it has vanished  
But when you look forward  
What can you write  
Whatever I have to do has not yet begun_

- W.S. Merwin, "It Is March"

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**Thanksgiving 2011**

Sunlight flashed off the silver surface of the trunk hood, nearly blinding Miley as she slammed it shut. There. Now they were all packed and could get out of here, not a moment too soon since they were facing an eight hour drive to get from Seattle to Angel's place outside of Merrill, Oregon. A couple years ago, Angel had decided that city life was too much for her – _way_ too much – and had wanted to retire somewhere secluded to try and work through the emotional fallout of her decision to buck the system and help Miley, so Miley had purchased some land and a cabin up in the mountains in Oregon. To her thinking, it was a sound investment any way you looked at it, and she would have given Angel a lot more than that, for what she'd done.

Miley could scarcely believe it had been three and a half years since Angel had brought Lilly to her. After Miley had finished rehab and the blowout from her quitting Hannah had, well, blown over, the two of them had gotten a new tutor and buckled down, getting their G.E.D.s last spring only a year later than they would have graduated originally. Now they were getting near the end of their first semester at the University of Washington, which had been Lilly's choice – Miley couldn't have cared less where they went to school, as long as they went together. Miley grinned. Of course, Lilly was having second thoughts now, as the weather turned cold after weeks and weeks of rain. More than once she'd caught Lilly mumbling under her breath that they should have stayed in Malibu and gone to school there, like Jackson had.

This trip would be good for her: a break from the constant drizzle that lately had been mixed with sleet, and a chance for her to hopefully relax a bit from the frantic pace Lilly had set for herself when it came to schoolwork. She was determined to overload and take classes during the summer and graduate in three years, and recently she'd started talking about going straight into law school after that, which added more pressure for her to keep her grades up. Miley was just worried Lilly would burn herself out before she ever got to law school, so she welcomed any pretext that she could use to get Lilly to slow down, and Thanksgiving was the perfect opportunity.

Today was Wednesday, and technically should have been a half day for them since they both had morning classes that were still being held as the university didn't let out for the holiday until noon. But Miley had convinced Lilly that everyone _else_ was skipping them, so it wouldn't hurt if they did, too, and they were getting an early start on the road instead. They'd drive down today and back up on Sunday, and while Miley was looking forward to the trip for Lilly's sake, she was a bit more ambivalent about it for herself.

Not that she didn't want to see Angel again, or Jackson, but her father was coming too, and the past three years had done little to improve their relationship. It hadn't helped that Robby Ray had stayed away for the most part, drifting around the world and only stopping in Malibu occasionally.

Until a few months ago, that was. Things between him and Jackson were good, and once Miley and Lilly had moved to Seattle to start school, he'd come back to stay at the house in Malibu with her brother. While Miley had tacitly approved that decision through Jackson – she didn't think her dad would have stayed if she hadn't – it still hurt that he'd essentially waited for her to leave town before returning. Miley contended that it was because he was still angry with her for precipitating his divorce, even if Candice had been a gold-digging bitch, but Lilly maintained that it was because he still felt guilty for not having been there for her when she'd needed him. But then, Lilly was always convinced that Miley was taking too much blame on her own shoulders.

And now, not only would she have to share a cabin in the middle of nowhere with him for three days, but he and Jackson had planned a camping trip for just the three of them the day after Thanksgiving. Lilly had high hopes that would help their relationship; Miley was, to say the least, a bit more pessimistic.

"Lilly, let's _go!_" Miley yelled at the half-open front door, not wanting to dwell on thoughts of the upcoming trip anymore. She tossed her hair, now restored to its natural color, over her shoulder in impatience. It really was her natural color, too, instead of the dye she'd planned on using while she went through the painfully slow process of growing out the length that had been blonde. A few months after she'd "retired" Hannah, the morning after she told Angel about the cabin, she'd woken up to find herself a brunette again. A thank-you present, Angel said.

A large drop in the number of times she got recognized accompanied the change, much bigger than it should have been considering the outcome of her attempt to use a brown wig as a disguise years earlier. She hadn't asked, but she was pretty sure that was part of the present. She was able to live a mostly normal life now: no paparazzi, no fans. No music.

The ugly yellow-green door swung the rest of the way open and Lilly appeared in the doorway. They really needed to repaint that, Miley thought absently. "Hang on, we just forgot one thing," Lilly called.

"No, we didn't," Miley said. "I got your suitcase, and mine, and the laptop, and the backpack for the camping trip – "

"And this," Lilly said, brandishing a guitar case in her hand.

Dammit. Miley brought a hand up to rub at her temples. The guitar had been a gift from Lilly a year ago on her birthday, another one of Lilly's not-so-subtle hints that she thought Miley should start singing and playing again, despite Miley's repeated assertions that she wasn't ready yet and didn't know if she ever would be. It was one of the few bones of contention between them. "Lilly – "

"Just bring it," Lilly pleaded. She ran lightly down the porch stairs and stopped in front of Miley. "You don't have to play it, and I promise I won't even bring it up once when we get up there, but bring it with you."

"I don't know, Lilly..."

"Please?" Lilly begged. She took a step closer and batted her eyelashes at Miley. "Bring it for me?"

Miley was not about to miss an opportunity like that. She stepped forward, closing the distance between them to a bare inch. "What's in it for me if I do?" she drawled suggestively.

Miley heard Lilly swallow, and the other girl couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from Miley's lips, and for a second Miley was sure that Lilly was going to kiss her. Then Lilly stumbled backwards, red flushing her cheeks. "Uh, my undying gratitude?" she offered, not looking at Miley.

Miley almost groaned in frustration. This had been going on for weeks now, and it was an infuriating dance that involved a lot of one-step-forward-two-steps-back, interspersed with some one-step-forward-one-step-back and the ever so rare one-step-forward-no-steps-back.

It was just so frustrating, and Miley restrained the urge to kiss Lilly and force the issue right then and there. Instead, she took the guitar from Lilly's hand and put it in the backseat of the car without a word. As much as inaction galled her – she was not now and hadn't ever been a patient person – she had to be careful when it came to Lilly. She never wanted to do anything to upset or scare her – too much was at stake if that happened – but for the life of her Miley couldn't figure out how the other girl felt. Mixed signals didn't begin to describe it.

They had always been close, and the past three years had only made them closer, especially since cramming to finish high school and Miley's newfound dislike of large groups of people hadn't exactly led to them having swinging social lives. Sometimes Miley felt so close to Lilly she could look at her and see every thought she had written plainly across her face, but when it came to this, Miley had no idea what Lilly was thinking. The pervading feeling of unease that turned Miley's stomach when she thought about upsetting Lilly meant that she might not ever have taken the first step towards admitting how she felt, but it had been drowned out by the persistent and growing fear that Lilly would meet someone here at school and Miley would lose her.

So for weeks now Miley had been gently and not-so-gently hinting that she wanted to move their relationship in a different direction, but she still didn't know for sure how Lilly felt. Sometimes Lilly would act like she didn't notice or understand the remarks Miley made. Sometimes – like just now – she'd start to respond and then backpedal. And sometimes – the times Miley lived for – she'd flirt back, and Miley would think maybe this wasn't so hopeless after all.

But in the end, all Miley really knew was that this was starting to drive her crazy. She didn't think she could take much more of this, and she decided right then, closing the car door and watching while Lilly locked the front door of the little house, that one way or the other, by the end of this trip she'd end this torment. After all, she and Lilly were sharing a room and a bed up at the cabin. It shouldn't be too hard to make it perfectly clear what she wanted.

Suddenly feeling more hopeful about the trip, Miley walked around the car and got into the driver's seat, cranking the car on and whistling a happy little nonsense tune, smiling at Lilly when she climbed in next to her.

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The engine strained as Miley guided the car up the last bit of dirt road to get to the driveway to Angel's cabin. Their Lexus wasn't really built for off-roading, but they'd made this trip before a few times, so Lilly wasn't worried. Miley turned off into the driveway and soon they could see the small wooden cabin set on a rise in front of them. The cabin was painted a dark brown, with white shutters and a roofed but not screened-in porch out front.

Miley pulled up close to the side of the cabin, making sure to leave enough room for another car on their other side. Lilly bounced out of her seat and outside the car before Miley had even killed the engine. She couldn't wait to see Angel, and she had the next four days with no classes, and in all honesty she was a guiltily glad that she wasn't going to have to go home for Thanksgiving and listen to her mother make veiled insults about Miley.

Although, staying honest, she was a little nervous about this trip as well, and her nerves all centered around the girl climbing out of the driver's seat. The past few weeks, things between her and Miley had been...different. Ever since Miley had started, well, _flirting_ with her, for lack of a better word. And Lilly really, really wanted to find a better word.

At first, Lilly had just tried to ignore it, to push down her reactions, and she still tried to do that now. But it was getting harder, and sometimes her body betrayed her or she reacted without thinking, and then there would be that triumphant, hopeful gleam in Miley's eyes that Lilly hated watching dim when she remembered herself and pulled back. In the beginning, she'd hoped that by ignoring it, it would go away, this thing between them that Lilly didn't know if she yearned for or resented, and she wouldn't have to try and sort out the tangled snarl of her emotions. That hadn't happened.

And from the way that gleam had stayed in Miley's eyes the whole drive up here, Lilly didn't think it was going to.

Shaking her head to dislodge her worries, Lilly opened the back door and grabbed the guitar, then moved to the trunk that Miley had already popped open so she could get her suitcase.

"There's my girls!" a voice called from above them, and Miley and Lilly both looked up to see Angel standing at the corner of the porch, one hand on the railing and the other waving to them.

"Hi, Angel," they chorused.

"Y'all get up here so I can give you some hugs!" she instructed them, and, laughing, they complied, with Miley bringing the laptop and her own suitcase. Once Angel had hugged them to her satisfaction they retired to the cabin, much to Lilly's relief since it was even colder here in the mountains than it was in Seattle. At least it wasn't raining.

The front door to the little cabin opened directly a large open area. Immediately to the left of the door was an island with bar stools and beyond that the small kitchen, which was open to the living room and dining room. They weren't actually separate rooms, just different sections of the main room, and were only marked by the large table on the left side of the cabin, the couch, loveseat, and easy chair clustered around an old television to the right, and the tile floor and appliances in the kitchen. There were three doors in the back wall of the cabin that led to Angel's room, the spare bedroom, and the bathroom.

Miley and Lilly had laid claim to the spare bedroom, which Lilly felt a little guilty about, but Miley had just shrugged and said, hey, no one else had shelled out the money to buy this place. There was a little half-loft over the dining room portion of the main room that had a twin mattress, and Miley's dad would be sleeping up there. Jackson and his girlfriend were going to be stuck sleeping on the pull-out couch.

Jackson was dating Sarah, a fact that still continued to amuse Miley and Lilly even though they'd been together for two years now. The first time he'd brought her home, Miley and Lilly had looked at each other and just broken out laughing, not able to stop for a good five minutes. That had been a little difficult to explain away to Jackson and Sarah, and hadn't been helped by Jackson meeting her at a Save the Dolphins rally, which just made the whole thing even funnier. And a year after they'd started dating, she'd managed to get him to go vegan, something Miley still never let him hear the end of.

They dumped their stuff in the spare bedroom, Lilly making sure to prop the guitar against the back wall where it would be seen every time they walked in the room, which earned her a look from Miley that she blithely ignored.

The cabin smelled like apples and pumpkin and sugar, courtesy of the pies cooling on the kitchen counter. The three of them gathered in the kitchen, Miley and Lilly perching on barstools at the island as they filled Angel in on their classes.

The whole time, Miley wouldn't stop touching Lilly.

They'd always touched, but not like this: this was a hand, warm on her shoulder, or lingering a few beats too long on her arm, so that Lilly was glad her long sleeves hid the goosebumps. This was fingers stroking over the back of Lilly's hand or tucking a strand of hair behind Lilly's ear, not-so-accidentally brushing the side of Lilly's neck as Miley pulled her hand away. This was that same hand resting at the small of her back, and Miley leaning into her too close and too often for her intentions to be mistaken. This was torture.

Torture that quickly had arousal buzzing through Lilly's blood, making it hard to think. She wanted to tell Miley to stop, she wanted to tell Miley to _never_ stop, she wanted to rip Miley's clothes off, push her up on the counter, and eat apple pie off her stomach.

She didn't know what she wanted, but Miley was making it clear she'd have to decide. Soon.

A temporary reprieve came when Robby Ray arrived with Jackson and Sarah. It was late by the time they got there; they'd had a longer drive than Lilly and Miley and didn't make the cabin until well after dark.

They came through the door loaded down with luggage and groceries – it was kind of hard to find tofurkey up in the mountains of Oregon – and everyone crowded together, saying hello and embracing. Or almost everyone.

Only Lilly saw the flash of hurt cross Robby Ray's face when Miley avoided his one-armed attempt to hug her and took the cloth grocery bag from him instead, busying herself by taking them into the kitchen and putting them away. Lilly's heart sank. They had been so close, once, and now without her dad's support it was like a part of Miley was missing. Lilly really hoped the camping trip on Friday would help, because she couldn't stand to see them like this.

Everyone retired to the living room, even though Lilly almost would have rather just gone straight to bed. She sat on the couch, sandwiched between Miley and Angel while Jackson and Sarah shared the loveseat and Robby Ray settled in the armchair. It had been a long day, and Lilly felt herself start to zone out a little, letting the conversation wash over her like low tide lapping at the shore but not taking part. Then Miley put her hand on Lilly's thigh.

Foolishly, she hadn't been expecting it. Miley had been doing things like that for weeks, yes, but – a look here, a touch there. Plenty of time in between for Lilly to build her defenses back up. Never anything like tonight. And never with an audience.

Lilly started, then glanced around surreptitiously to see if anyone had noticed. "I told her to shorten her last name," Robby Ray was saying. "And the rest is history." Jackson groaned and Sarah laughed. None of them had seen. Lilly looked to her left, saw Angel looking back expectantly. Her eyes flickered from Lilly's down to Miley's hand, still on Lilly's thigh, and back up, an eyebrow edging upwards. Lilly felt the beginnings of a blush stain her cheeks and she crossed her legs to dislodge Miley's hand.

It didn't work. Miley's hand stayed where it was, inching a bit higher, and Miley leaned against Lilly's shoulder to keep her arm from being awkwardly stretched out, and _everyone_ saw that.

There was a hitch in the conversation before Jackson mercifully filled the silence. "So Sarah and I are starting a petition against prop. seventeen," he said, but Lilly could hardly hear him over the blood rushing through her ears. She waited for Robby Ray and Angel to turn their interest to Jackson and Sarah's explanation of the evils of proposition seventeen and then she took Miley's hand, lacing their fingers together, and firmly moved it off her leg and onto the couch between them.

But Miley wouldn't let go, and kept their joined hands moving until they were resting squarely in Miley's lap. Sarah stumbled over the word environment and all the blood roaring in Lilly's ears rushed down to lodge in her face. As soon as she got Miley alone, Lilly was going to _kill_ her.

Anger made her tense, and Lilly tugged on her hand lightly, trying to free it without making even more of a scene, but Miley still wouldn't let go, rubbing her thumb over Lilly's knuckles to soothe her. And it worked, her body relaxing almost against her will, reacting to Miley's intentions the way it always did, even as Lilly mentally cursed it and the girl next to her.

The conversation had turned into a debate about the effectiveness of recycling programs, and Miley squeezed Lilly's hand before she jumped into the fray, smiling at her as though nothing out of the ordinary had just happened, nothing at all.

If Miley kept this up, Lilly didn't know if she'd survive the weekend.

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The night was far from restful. It wasn't that Lilly had never slept in the same bed as Miley before – far from it, in fact, that had been at least a weekly occurrence between the ages of twelve and fourteen – but not like this.

Miley hadn't wasted any time. Twenty minutes after they'd crawled into bed, exhausted from the drive and seeing everyone, Miley had turned over, ostensibly in her sleep, and thrown and arm and a leg over Lilly. Lilly had poked at her and hissed Miley's name a few times. No response. But the strategic placement of Miley's limbs and the fact that every time she breathed, her breasts brushed against Lilly's upper arm ever so lightly made Lilly doubt that Miley was truly asleep.

She should have moved Miley. Just picked up her arm and pushed her back over on her other side. Instead, she'd laid on her back, mentally debating with herself over what to do until Miley's breath on her neck – the feel of which was making tingles spread from the spot in concentric circles across Lilly's body – slowed and deepened and Lilly knew she was really asleep. Then she turned to face Miley. One of her knees slid between Miley's and she draped an arm over Miley's waist, peering at her face even though it was mostly blanketed with impenetrable shadows.

Miley, Miley, Lilly'd thought. What am I going to do with you? She'd watched Miley sleep for hours without coming any closer to an answer.

Things seemed clearer in the bright light of day. They'd ended up spooned back-to-front sometime during the night, after Lilly had finally fallen asleep. Resolute, Lilly pulled herself from Miley's embrace and out of bed. Thanksgiving, and Lilly was thankful she'd woken up first. She crossed to the window and yanked open the curtains. Sunlight poured in and shone directly in Miley's face. That'll teach her to fall asleep on me, Lilly thought in satisfaction, and then, when Miley started to stir and blinked sleepy blue-gray eyes at her, god, but she looks cute in the morning.

Digging through her suitcase for a bathrobe and her shower bag distracted her from that last thought.

"Hey," Miley said, voice husky with sleep. "Did you just get up?"

"Yeah. And you'd better get up, too. You're gonna have to start cooking if we're going to eat any time today." Miley grimaced but sat up in bed. Her long, dark hair tangled around her head and fell halfway down the pink and white polka dot pajama top she had on.

No one had taken a vote, but Miley had still been unofficially elected the cook of the cabin. There was a Tennessee game on today, which meant Robby Ray and Jackson would both be glued to the couch. Lilly could burn water, which was the reason Miley had learned to cook in the first place, so she was out. Miley would have Angel and Sarah to help her, though Sarah's main role would likely be vetting the food to make sure everything was vegan.

"Let me have the shower first?" Miley asked. "That way I can start cooking right after and not have to stop."

The corner of Miley's pale pink bathrobe was sticking out of her suitcase. Lilly tugged the garment out and tossed it on the bed. "Sure."

"I forgot to pack shampoo. And conditioner."

Lilly raised an eyebrow. "You didn't forget," she accused. "You were just lazy and you knew I'd pack some and you figured you could bum off of me."

Miley grinned at her but didn't answer. Sighing, Lilly lobbed the bathroom bag so that it landed on the bed next to Miley's robe. "Don't hog all the hot water."

The day went pretty much according to plan. Miley, Angel, and Sarah all clustered in the kitchen, Angel breaking down bread in the blender for stuffing while Miley and Sarah tried to work out the logistics behind cooking a tofurkey. Lilly offered to help repeatedly – it was purely coincidence that these offers occurred every time the Vols scored and Lilly was forced to do another Tennessee Touchdown Stomp – and was repeatedly rebuffed. At least until Miley realized they were in dire need of another set of hands.

"Jackson, we need your help," Miley hollered across the open space between the little kitchen and the couch in the living room.

"Miles, we've got possession," Jackson said, not taking his eyes off the television.

"It's fourth down, Mile," her dad added. "Can it wait a minute?"

The Vols were ten yards away from another touchdown. "I'll help," Lilly said eagerly, jumping up.

Miley eyed her skeptically but gave in, which meant she must really need help. "All right. Here – " She put a cutting board down on the kitchen island and gave Lilly an onion and a knife. "All you have to do is chop up the onion, okay? You don't have to get anywhere near the stove."

"Oh, come on, Miley, I'm not that bad," Lilly protested.

Miley held up her hands in surrender. "I didn't say you were. Just...stay away from the stove."

Lilly chopped the onion neatly in half. She picked up one half and started peeling off the papery skin. She'd show Miley. She'd chop that onion better than even Miley could. And she did – right up until the knife slipped and sliced into her index finger. "Ow," Lilly whimpered quietly. Blood started to well up along the length of the small cut.

Miley stopped stirring the simmering pot of cranberries for the cranberry sauce and trotted over the few steps to Lilly. "What happened? Let me see."

The finger was held aloft for inspection. Angel and Sarah looked up from where they were peeling sweet potatoes and snapping green beans, respectively. Green beans, Lilly thought. In retrospect, that was clearly the job she should have been given.

Miley grabbed Lilly's finger and brought it closer to her face. "It doesn't look too bad," she pronounced. Then she stuck Lilly's finger in her mouth.

Lilly froze as every single particle in her body suddenly came to attention and focused on the sensation on Miley's mouth closed around her fingertip. Miley's hot, wet mouth, gently sucking...oh, god, _licking_ her fingertip. The feel of Miley's tongue rasping along the pad of her finger shot a bolt of lightening straight through her. Lilly bit down hard on her tongue to stop a groan from escaping. The sharp stab of pain brought her back to herself enough to pull her finger out of Miley's mouth. It made a slick popping sound when it came free that sent a shudder through Lilly's body.

"How's that?" Miley asked blandly. Her eyes twinkled knowingly. "Better?"

It was taking Lilly several moments to remember how to _breathe_, and Miley was _enjoying_ this. Turning her head, Lilly saw surprise and amusement playing across Angel and Sarah's faces. She knew her own was firetruck red. "I'm, uh...I'm going to get a band aid," she stammered out.

Then she fled to the bathroom.

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For the next few hours after Lilly emerged from the bathroom with a mostly unnecessary bandage on her finger, she kept to the living room, enduring the Touchdown Stomps. They were better than the alternative: going back into the kitchen and facing Angel and Sarah. Not to mention there was no telling what Miley might do.

At least the Vols were winning.

And win they did, finally, 44-27, ten minutes before dinner was ready. Spread out on the table was so much food it looked like the table legs might give way at any moment. A white lace tablecloth had been draped over the table and Sarah had gathered some of the bright red, orange, and yellow leaves from outside and strewn them down the center. The small silver platter with the tofurkeys on it was in the middle of the table, surrounded by serving dishes filled with mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, cranberry sauce, sweet potato pie, rolls, a spinach salad, and stuffing, because Miley claimed hers was better than the kind the tofurkeys came stuffed with.

Robby Ray, Lilly, and Jackson surveyed the bounty with wide eyes. "Geez, Miles, there's no way we'll ever be able to eat all of this," said Jackson.

"Yeah, you three have outdone yourselves," Robby Ray put in. "I don't think we could eat all this if we had a whole week."

"Speak for yourselves, boys," Lilly said, pulling out her chair and taking a seat. "Personally, I think I could eat about half of this tonight myself." She picked up the burgundy cloth napkin by her plate and snapped it open, placing it in her lap. Looking up, she saw everyone staring at her in amusement. "Well," she demanded. "Are we going to eat, or just stand around looking?"

"Oh, we're eating," Angel assured her, which was the cue for everyone else to seat themselves. Robby Ray sat at one end, with Jackson and Sarah to his left, Lilly and Miley to his right, and Angel at the other end. After a short blessing by Angel, everyone attacked the food and the only speech heard for the next thirty minutes was comments mumbled around mouthfuls about how good the food was. Privately, Lilly was amazed; she hadn't really been expecting the vegan version of mashed potatoes to taste like, well, mashed potatoes, or the vegan version of anything to taste like the normal version, but they did. Except the tofurkey, which still tasted mostly like tofu, but Lilly wasn't a southern California girl for nothing, and she enjoyed it. Probably more than the Tennessee trio did, judging by the looks on their faces.

After half an hour, even Lilly had to concede defeat. She stuffed one last bite of sweet potatoes in her mouth and then slumped back in her chair, pushing her plate away from her slightly. Around the table, everyone else was slouched in similar positions. Glazed eyes gazed off at nothing and breathing was uniformly shallow. "Too full," Jackson complained. "Can't move." Everyone groaned softly in agreement.

"You know," Angel said. "I made three different kinds of pie yesterday before y'all got here." The groans were much louder this time. If anyone had had the strength, Angel probably would have gotten five rolls chucked at her head.

"I think we're gonna have to wait on that," Robby Ray managed. He struggled into a more upright position and started to stand.

Across the table, Sarah elbowed Jackson and he straightened up. "Uh, everybody? Before we all kinda scatter and find somewhere to lie down until we can move again, Sarah and I have an announcement to make." Lilly snuck a look at Miley out of the corner of her eye, but the other girl just shrugged a little. She didn't have any idea what this was about either. "We're, uh, we're – "

"We're getting married," Sarah broke in.

There was a moment of shocked quiet that was quickly broken by loud exclamations of congratulations. Seats emptied as everyone gathered around the happy couple to thump Jackson on the back and hug Sarah.

"That's my boy," Robby Ray crowed.

"When did this happen?" Lilly asked, just as Angel said, "Have you set a date?" Miley, grinning from ear-to-ear, opened her mouth to add another question to the mix.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Jackson held up his hands. "One question at a time, please. We just got engaged last week, and – "

"We haven't set a date yet," Sarah said. "We want to wait – "

"Until Sarah gets out of school," Jackson finished.

"You're not even married yet and you're already finishing each others' sentences." Miley shook her head, but she was still smiling. "Not a good sign."

"Oh, please," Jackson scoffed. "Like you and Lilly haven't been finishing each other's sentences for years now." An awkward silence fell. Lilly didn't dare look at Miley. "I mean," Jackson temporized, realizing what he'd said. "Not that you two...I mean – "

"We know what you meant," Lilly said quickly. God, this was excruciating. Did whatever it was that was or wasn't happening between her and Miley have to be so obvious? Did Miley have to _make_ it so obvious? A small ribbon of anger wormed its way through Lilly's gut. They'd been here less that twenty-four hours and already everyone knew something was going on, when Lilly herself didn't even know what that something was. Or what she wanted it to be. "Anyway, congratulations, you guys. I – I think I'm going to take a nap now."

She retreated to the bedroom, relieved when no one said anything to stop her, and glad Miley didn't follow.

———————————————

Water swirled down the drain, and Lilly spit and then rinsed her mouth out, spitting again. She ran the toothbrush under the water and stuck it back in the upright travel holder, twisting the water off. She felt keyed up, nervous. Restless. Possibly eating three slices of pie for dinner hadn't been the brightest idea. But it wasn't Lilly's fault that she hadn't been able to face leftovers so soon after gorging herself that afternoon, nor that each of the apple, pumpkin, and pecan pies had looked too good to pass up. The apple had almost been good enough to make her stop missing the butterscotch pie with whipped topping her mother always made at Thanksgiving.

Flipping the light off, Lilly opened the door and made her way through the living room to the bedroom she was sharing with Miley, moving slowly so that she wouldn't run into the pull-out sofabed Jackson and Sarah were sleeping on. They'd still been up when she went into the bathroom, so she didn't think they'd had time to fall asleep already, but the light was off now and she didn't want to bang her shins in the dark.

Please let Miley be sleeping, she prayed as she cracked open the door to their bedroom. Or at least pretending to be asleep, that would work too.

No such luck. Miley was perched on the side of the bed, obviously waiting for Lilly. Lilly didn't look at her straight on, instead taking quick little sideways glances at her as she crossed to the other side of the room and dropped to her knees, digging through her suitcase. Not that she really needed anything in her suitcase, but it was something to do. Something that kept a safe amount of distance between her and Miley.

"I love you."

The words dropped like stones into the quiet, and Lilly felt her heart seize up and then restart. Her hands trembled. She grabbed a shirt and squeezed it, hard, holding it down in the suitcase so Miley wouldn't see. "I love you, too," she said lightly, trying to deflect the conversation she knew was coming.

"Don't," Miley said, voice scalpel-sharp. "Don't pretend like you don't understand what I'm saying. It's hard enough to say as it is."

Shame flushed Lilly's cheeks red. Miley was right. Of course she was. Lilly let go of the shirt and turned, sat back on her heels. Met Miley's eyes. "All right."

"I don't think this is a surprise," Miley said. Her mouth twisted down into a frown. "I've been...pretty clear, I think, about how I feel. But I wanted – I _needed_ to tell you. To say it. So there isn't any misunderstanding, so you don't think, I don't know, that this is some game, or phase, or experiment, or something."

Lilly didn't think that. She'd never thought that. She might be confused about a lot of things, but not that. "Miley – "

"I love you," Miley cut her off. "I'm in love with you."

Lilly said again, helplessly, "Miley..."

Miley turned her head, breaking their gaze. "I don't expect anything from you, obviously. I just – I just wanted you to know."

Part of Lilly wanted more than anything to run across the room and grab Miley and never let go. But she couldn't. Not when – well. Not when there was so much she didn't know. "Miley, I...I just need some time. To think about things. This. I just need some time."

Miley nodded once, her head jerking up and back down like it was only loosely attached to her neck. She didn't look back at Lilly. The room felt too small suddenly. Lilly didn't know what to think, what to do, how her life had suddenly become such a complicated mess. Though it didn't surprise her that Miley was at the root of it. There was something to be said for consistency.

Lilly scrambled to her feet. "I'm going to get some air," she mumbled. "Don't wait up." And for the third time that day, Lilly ran away.

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**Wow, that's a horrible place to stop. Sorry. Had to be done. I think I'm going to go with the Monday/Friday posting schedule again for this one, so chapter two will be up on Friday. We'll find out what's going on inside Lilly's head then.**


	2. Every Part Of Me

**My thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing. I'm glad y'all are enjoying the story so far.**

**Silence.is.the.Loudest.Scream2: As Angel. I mean, he doesn't know she actually **_**is**_** one, but yeah. As Angel. Roxy doesn't exist here. Or, well, I guess she does, but she's doing mall security or whatever it was she was doing before she met Miley. Miley never used a wig in this world, so they never met.**

**TutorGurlTigger: Yes, substantially. This story will be 25 chapters plus an epilogue.**

**an amazing lover: Of **_**course**_** he will.**

**mileymadness: Glad it made you happy. And the things that aren't supposed to be funny are always the funniest, at least for me. Sucks about the grounding, but have a good weekend once that's over!**

**utmy123: Well, bless your heart. I knew you would be. I would advise you not to read this chapter. Seriously. Just skip it.**

**JH: This is...so not that story. Sorry! I will write one like that at some point – I already have one in mind, actually – but this is not it. At all.**

**Y'all remember how this story is rated M, right? Just checkin'.**

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**Chapter Two: Every Part Of Me**

———————————————

_From her lips I heard her say  
Can I have you  
Caught up on what to say  
I said you do  
I said you do_

- Angus & Julia Stone, _Mango Tree_

———————————————

Cold air slapped Lilly in the face as soon as she opened the door to the cabin. Robby Ray's boots were lined up next to the door and she shoved her feet into them, blinding snatching a coat from the coat rack and pulling it on. It wasn't until she'd stepped outside and shut the door behind her that she realized it was Miley's coat. It smelled like Miley's coconut shampoo and vanilla body wash, and something else, something that was pure Miley. This was _not_ going to help her think straight. She was on the verge of going back inside to switch it with another when a voice called out and sent her heart rate skyrocketing.

"Lilly? What are you doing out here this time of night?"

"Angel?" Her heart started to slow down when she recognized Angel's voice. "Geez, you scared me." Her eyes were adjusting to the dark now, and Lilly could make out Angel, sitting in one of the wooden deck chairs on the porch. Gingerly, Lilly sat down in the other.

"Sorry about that, but you surprised me too. I wasn't expecting anyone."

"Yeah." The chair was freezing. Already her butt and the backs of her thighs were starting to go numb. Lilly shifted uncomfortably and zipped up the jacket, burrowing her chin down into the neck of it. The mix of coconut and Miley intensified. Coconut cream Miley, Lilly thought. The accompanying mental image did nothing to help her think about her situation logically.

"So, what _does_ bring you outside in the freezing cold in the middle of the night?" Angel prodded.

"Miley," Lilly muttered. "Why are you out here?"

"I don't sleep much," Angel said. "I like to come out here. Look at the stars, listen to the woods. It's peaceful. Relaxing."

"I didn't know that," Lilly said, although she'd wondered. "About you not sleeping, I mean."

"Too much going on upstairs." A shadow moved in the corner of Lilly's eye, Angel reaching up to tap herself on the forehead. "You want to talk about it?"

"What?" Lilly asked, startled. "No." And she didn't. Really. It was just – "It's just – why does she have to do this now? When we're trapped together in this cabin? When we're sharing a room, a _bed_, for god's sake, it makes it so – "

"Awkward?"

Lilly barked a short laugh. "No," she said ruefully. "No, I was going to say 'tempting'."

"Ah. Well, that's a bit of a different situation." Angel paused. "I'm not sure I'm seeing the problem, in that case."

Lilly pushed down with her toes, made the chair tilt back. "Angel, do you remember when you brought Miley to me?"

"Of course I do."

"Do you remember what I wished?" Lilly didn't wait for Angel to answer, she rushed on, needing to get it out as quickly as she could. "I wished I could be with her. Do you think that's why – "

"Is that what you think?" Angel interjected. "No, child, wishing didn't do this."

"Are you sure?" Lilly asked. "Because I know you said they'd look for loopholes, and I didn't know if this could be one, and...I don't want Miley being forced into something she doesn't really – "

"Lilly," said Angel firmly. "I am very sure. There are three things wishing doesn't do, and love's one of them."

She hadn't known there were things you couldn't wish for. "What are the other two?"

"Knocking people off and bringin' 'em back." Lilly considered this new information in silence. "How long have you been in love with her?" Angel's voice was gentle, the kind of voice you'd use to coax a wary cat.

The truth was, Lilly didn't know. The truth was, she'd spent a lot of time trying very hard not to think about that question. She thought about it now, rocking the chair up and down. Angel didn't push her, and Lilly liked that. "A long time," Lilly said finally. "I think – I think a part of me was always in love with her, from the first minute I met her. But I didn't know what it was. I loved her, but I didn't know what that meant. It was different, then, it was – " Lighter, Lilly wanted to say, but she didn't think that would make sense. Easier? No, that wasn't it.

"Simpler," she finished. "She was always just Miley, and I was Lilly, and she was my best friend. I knew we loved each other, and I told myself that it wasn't important how. And it wasn't. Mostly, it wasn't. I just wanted her to be happy, that was the main thing."

"But she'd be a lot happier right now if you were back in that room with her," Angel pointed out. "So why are you out here?"

"It's different now," Lilly said again, softly. "It's horrible, but – " She gulped a breath, plunged ahead. " – I gave up so much for her. I gave up my whole _life_, and now, _now_ she wants more, and I feel like, if I give it to her, there won't be anything of me left, that she'll swallow me." Lilly laughed, bitter and empty. "God, it sounds so stupid when I say it out loud. I'm so _selfish_ – "

"Lilly, I've met a lot of selfish people in my time," Angel said. "And believe me, you don't even come close to fitting the description. Now, are you saying you regret your wish?"

"No!" The front chair legs banged back down onto the porch. "No. I would do it again, in a heartbeat."

"Do you resent Miley for making you – "

"No. She didn't. It was my choice, and I made it."

"Then I don't understand, Lilly," Angel confessed. "You already love her. It seems like the only thing holding back will do is make you both miserable."

Lilly crossed her arms over her chest. Squeezed them against her ribs. "What if she doesn't really love me?" she whispered, finally voicing her worst fear. "What if it's just because of this – " She jerked her head in a gesture meant to encompass the cabin, the mountains, the world, everything. " – because I'm the only one who – "

"Does it matter?"

Lilly stopped breathing for a moment. Then she sighed. "I don't know." She leaned forward, elbows on knees, buried her face in her hands. "I want so badly to say that it does. Out here with you, maybe it does. But when she looks at me, or stands close to me, or touches me...it doesn't. Not even a little."

"Then it sounds to me like you have your answer, baby girl," Angel said.

"But – " Lilly lifted her face from her hands and peered over at Angel. "But what if it does, later? What if Miley changes her mind one day because she doesn't really – I don't think I could stand it if we were together and then she – what if – "

"Lilly, honey," Angel leaned over and took Lilly's hands in both of her hers, chaffing them to warm them, "I dealt in what ifs for a long time. A very long time. And you know, and I know, you can't live what ifs. Only what is. You can only deal with what you have in front of you. Like I heard Robby Ray telling Jackson this morning: don't go borrowing trouble."

Lilly chuckled. "Yeah."

"So why don't you go ask her?"

"Ask her what?" Lilly said, bewildered.

"Ask her why she loves you," said Angel. "Talk to her, child. See what she says. Go from there."

"Yeah." She nodded once, then a second time with more conviction. "Okay. Yeah. I'll talk to her. Thanks, Angel."

"Don't mention it. Now hurry up and get back inside. I'd bet good money she's in there waiting on you, and if you don't go soon you'll freeze yourself solid and won't be able to move until spring. Go on, girl."

So Lilly went.

———————————————

The room was dark, thin slivers of moonlight outlining the curtains offering the only light once Lilly closed the door behind her. Her eyes were used to the dark by now, though, and she could pick out the black shape of the bed with Miley lying on the left side. Was Miley asleep? Lilly didn't want to wait any longer to have this conversation – she might lose her nerve – but neither did she want to wake Miley up. Debating what to do, Lilly stood by the closed door for a few seconds before she tentatively whispered, "Mi – "

"I'm awake," Miley answered at once. She sat up in the bed and Lilly could feel Miley watching her.

Lilly crossed to the bed and sat on the edge of it facing Miley. Miley's hands were in her lap and Lilly reached out and took one of them in hers. "Miley," she started.

"Your hands are freezing," Miley said. "Were you outside? Were you out there this whole time? Lilly, it's freezing out there, you shouldn't be out there, you're in your pajamas. You'll catch your death of cold, I hope you at least wore a coat, and what about – "

"Miley," Lilly interrupted. Miley only babbled like that when she was really worried, or nervous. Or afraid. Lilly laid a hand on Miley's cheek. The moonlight caught like cool sparks in Miley's hair and edged her forehead, nose, and mouth in silver, and Lilly could see it in her eyes. Miley was afraid. She was afraid of what Lilly was going to say.

Time stood still. Until that moment, Lilly was going to ask. Until that moment, she'd thought she wanted to know the answer. But now – now Miley was afraid, and Lilly was afraid, too. Afraid of what Miley might say, and afraid because, right now, in this moment, she knew what she'd said to Angel was true. It didn't matter. It didn't matter if Miley only loved her because there was no one else, because no one else knew anything of who they were. The only thing that mattered was the fear on Miley's face, and the fact that Lilly could make it go away.

"Miley," she said again.

Miley's eyes darted away from hers. "Say something else," she said.

Lilly kissed her instead.

Any doubts she might have had were gone in an instant, banished by the feel of Miley's lips on hers. She'd never kissed a girl before, though she'd dreamed of kissing this one, and it was different than she'd imagined it. More. Softer and firmer all at once. Miley tasted like the peppermint overnight lip gloss she always wore, and Lilly licked her tongue along Miley's bottom lip to get a better taste. Miley moaned, a low, involuntary sound that ignited arousal on every nerve in Lilly's body.

"Lilly, are you sure?" Miley asked, pulling away slightly. Her breath was warm on Lilly's face. "I mean – "

"Shut up," Lilly said, and kissed her again. Her hand slid off Miley's cheek and settled at the base of her neck, fingers tangling in Miley's hair. Miley's hands were on her hips, tugging Lilly closer, and Lilly went willingly, her tongue busy seeking entrance to Miley's mouth. It was granted immediately, and Lilly mapped the inside of Miley's mouth with her tongue. Her teeth, the slight ridges on the roof of her mouth, the warm, smooth slickness of the inside of her cheek; Lilly wanted to know every inch. Then Miley's tongue twisted around hers, distracting her.

The kiss kept going, arousal ratcheting up minute by minute like roller coaster cars climbing the first hill. Just before they would have tipped over the top and plunged down, Miley pulled back, leaving them both breathless and gasping. "Do you – I mean, we don't have to...we can go slow, or wait, or..."

Wait? Lilly thought. Wait for what? It had been six years. They were best friends, more than that. They knew each other better than they knew themselves, were so close that this was the only thing left, and Lilly didn't want to wait for it, not anymore. Not when she knew now that she would do anything for Miley, give her anything, anything at all. That she already had, that she couldn't ever hope not to, that the best she could hope for was that Miley felt the same.

"I mean," Miley continued. "Maybe you don't even – "

Lilly surged forward, capturing Miley's mouth with her own and pressing Miley down against the pillows. "Oh," Miley said, and then Lilly's lips were on hers again and she couldn't speak. Lilly climbed the rest of the way on the bed without breaking the kiss, her tongue probing into Miley's mouth as she settled between Miley's legs, her elbows braced on either side of Miley's shoulders.

She could feel Miley's body warm under hers and everything came crashing over her, every time over the past few weeks she'd made herself pull back, and she couldn't stop kissing Miley, she didn't think she'd ever stop. Her fingertips brushed the hair at Miley's temples. How had she ever thought she could say no to this?

Miley's hands made smooth, languid strokes up and down Lilly's back, a counterpoint to the frenzied motions of Lilly's lips and tongue. Miley kissed back, lengthened and deepened it, slowing it before she pulled away slightly. "Hey," she said. They both labored to breathe. "You're cold. Get in bed."

She peeled the sheets aside and Lilly crawled under them next to her, shivering as the warmth enveloped her. "Here," Miley said, taking Lilly's hand and putting them on her stomach under her pajama top. Miley's skin scorched her palms. Lilly didn't know how much of that was because her hands were still freezing from being outside. She waited for some of the heat to seep into her and then moved her hands, one of them sliding up Miley's side and the fingers of the other fitting between Miley's ribs. Miley trembled and Lilly inched closer.

The kiss was gentle this time, and Miley took control, pushing Lilly down on her back. Her hands made their way under Lilly's pajama shirt. "Lilly," she breathed right below Lilly's ear. "I want – "

"I know," Lilly said. She turned her head to kiss Miley again, fingers undoing the buttons on Miley's top. Miley tugged at the bottom of Lilly's shirt and Lilly raised herself up enough to take it off while Miley shed her own. Then Miley rolled her onto her back, her weight pushing Lilly into the mattress, the first slide of skin against skin making Lilly's head spin.

She cupped Miley's head in her hands, pulled her in for another kiss. Miley's hand moved up her stomach, up and up over Lilly's breast, her fingers teasing Lilly's nipple. Lilly arched into the touch and broke the kiss, panting. "I don't know what to do," she said. "You have to tell me what to do."

"It's okay," Miley murmured, her lips at the corner of Lilly's mouth. "Just let me." Lilly couldn't think, couldn't do anything but burn under Miley's touch. She wasn't cold from being outside anymore. Not at all. Not even a little. Miley kissed Lilly's chin and down her throat, nipping at the spot where her neck joined her shoulder before soothing over it with her tongue.

A low, desperate whimpering penetrated Lilly's haze. It intensified as Miley moved farther down, planting openmouthed, sucking kisses along Lilly's collarbone and the side of her breast. Then her mouth closed around Lilly's nipple, her tongue rasping against it like it had earlier that day over Lilly's finger. Lilly sucked in a sharp breath, throbbing between her legs. The whimpering cut off, and Lilly realized she'd been the one doing it. Miley's tongue moved again and Lilly lost track of the realization, lost track of time, lost track of everything.

She thought she might explode by the time Miley's fingers dipped under the waistband of Lilly's pajama pants and underwear, curled around the edges of them and pulled lightly. Lilly lifted her hips up, let Miley pull them down her legs and off. She wrapped a hand around Miley's arm, pulled her up and kissed her. "Yours, too."

Miley stripped off the rest of her clothes and settled back against Lilly, pressed fully against her. Skin-on-skin made Lilly dizzy again. She could feel, dimly, through the fire that was burning her everywhere Miley touched, a patch of hair against her thigh, which made her move her leg slightly, sliding it between Miley's. This time it was Miley who whimpered, her mouth on Lilly's throat, and moved against Lilly's thigh, hot and slick and wet.

"No," Lilly breathed, feeling herself go just as wet. "Don't." Miley froze. "I want to do it." Even if she didn't know what to do, exactly.

Miley moaned and shuddered and Lilly's whole _body_ throbbed, so hard it almost hurt, and honestly she thought she might burst into flames soon. Lilly hadn't thought it could be like this. This was – this –

Miley's fingers stroked the inside of her thigh and Lilly's mind went blank. "M-Miley," she choked out, but she didn't really know what she was saying. It was reflex to call out for her, instinct, something wired into her, into her brain and blood and nerves.

"I love you," Miley whispered. She kissed the side of Lilly's jaw, lifted her head to look Lilly in the eyes. Her hand moved, cupping Lilly lightly, and Lilly tried to keep looking at Miley, she tried, but her head slammed back into the pillow, and she couldn't keep her eyes open, and her hips were moving of their own accord, pushing up into Miley's hand. Miley pressed more firmly, pressed against Lilly's clit. Lilly strangled a scream in her throat, then almost sobbed when those fingers moved away, stroking down before mercifully coming back up.

Miley kept up the motion while her mouth traveled over Lilly's face and throat and chest. She was talking, too, murmuring against Lilly's skin, but Lilly couldn't put sense to the words, she was too focused on the feeling of Miley's fingers on her, on the explosion that was building up inside her. The tip of Miley's finger pressed against Lilly's opening. "Can I?" Miley whispered.

Yes, Lilly wanted to say – god, yes, _please_ – but her mouth wouldn't work. She pried her eyes open and brought her head down in a jerky nod. Miley held Lilly's eyes with her own as she slowly, gently slid her finger in. Lilly could barely breathe, gulping in air in short, sharp bursts. Miley leaned forward and kissed her, deep and slow, her tongue brushing Lilly's lips, and then her head dropped down and she nuzzled Lilly's neck. She started thrusting her finger in and out, slowly still, so, so slowly. Lilly's hips moved, raising up in time with the motions of Miley's hand.

"You feel good," Miley said, another moan tugging at the words like an undertow. "You feel so good." Her palm ground against Lilly's clit and her finger thrust in and there were images flashing chaotically through Lilly's mind – Miley's fingers playing the piano, playing the guitar, trailing down Lilly's arm – and her body went rigid, pleasure tearing through her and locking up her muscles so completely she couldn't scream, couldn't even breathe, and everything else disappeared.

Slowly, she came back to herself, to the world, to sound and sense and Miley's touch. "I love you," Miley said against Lilly's collarbone, her mouth moving down to suck gently on the side of Lilly's breast, her hand splayed over Lilly's stomach. "I love you." She pressed a kiss against Lilly's breastbone. "I love you."

Lilly felt like all of her bones had melted, and her muscles, like she might just dissolve into a puddle. She didn't think she'd ever be able to move again, but somehow she did. Miley was still hovering over her, showering kisses over her face. Lilly's turned her head, caught Miley's mouth with her own, and slid her hand between Miley's legs.

Miley shouted into her mouth, and then her lips fell away from Lilly's as she pushed herself down against Lilly's hand. The feeling of Miley against her fingers made Lilly's breathing pick up again. Miley felt – Lilly didn't even have _words_ for it – she felt _incredible_, achingly hot and wet. So this was what Miley meant. It was one thing to hear Miley say that she loved her, wanted her. It was another thing to feel it.

She didn't know what to do, but she knew that she wanted to feel more, so she tried to remember what Miley had done and moved her hand, listened to the noises Miley made, the whimpers and gasps and half-uttered syllables of Lilly's name, let those guide her.

Miley's arms started to shake. Her head dropped down, forehead resting on Lilly's shoulder, her breath coming in quick little pants against Lilly's skin. Lilly took her hand away and before Miley could do anything more than draw a breath and start to lift her head, Lilly pressed a kiss into her hair and put both hands on Miley's waist, pushing her down to lie on the bed.

Lilly wanted to go slow, but Miley wrapped a hand behind Lilly's neck, kissed her, their tongues twisting together. Her hand covered one of Lilly's on her waist, tugging it back towards its previous position. Lilly let her, kept her hand moving even when Miley let go. She slid her fingers back into that perfect heat, pressed against Miley's clit. Miley's hips rolled into her touch, so she did it again. Miley turned her head slightly. "Faster," she panted, and Lilly complied.

Miley's eyes were open, staring up at her, and Lilly couldn't look away. Something passed between them then, something that made Lilly think she'd been right, that this could swallow her, swallow them both, but she couldn't make herself care. She could see all of Miley, everything of her in her eyes, and she couldn't imagine ever wanting anything else.

She moved her fingers, eyes locked on Miley's, chest heaving to draw in air that was thick as water. And then Miley was coming, body arching up against Lilly, Lilly's name on her lips like a sigh before she sagged back down into the bed.

Lilly kissed her shoulder and rolled onto her back, wiped her hand on the sheet, still breathing hard. "Wow," she said. Nothing could have prepared her for that, not just the pleasure, but the connection she'd felt, like the two of them were being bound together into one. She shivered, passed it off as the cold prickle of sweat starting to dry. "I didn't know it would be like that."

"Me either," Miley said.

The pillow felt cool on Lilly's cheek as she turned her head in Miley's direction. "Come on, you've done this before." It was kind of hard not to think about that, to wonder how she measured up to all those others. It had been harder still not think about who else had touched her own body this way, phantom hands and faces she would never know. But Miley had chased them away, banished those ghosts, Miley whose face she knew by heart, whose hands had been warm and alive against her skin.

"No," Miley said. "Lilly – " The sheets rustled and the bed dipped under Miley's weight as she sat up and switched on the lamp next to the bed. She peered down at Lilly anxiously. "I've had sex before, but...I've never – I've never been with anyone that I really cared about before. I've never been with anyone I loved. I've never felt like this about anyone before. And what we just did, it wasn't just sex, it was..."

"I know," Lilly said softly.

Miley drew her knees up to her chest, looping her arms around them and resting her chin on the sheet covering them. "I'm sorry," she said.

Confused, Lilly scrunched up her face. "What?"

"I'm sorry," Miley repeated. "That I already, you know, that this wasn't the first time I – "

"No," Lilly interrupted, upset. She scrambled to sit up and put a hand on Miley's arm. "No way. There is no way you're going to feel guilty about it, Miley, that's ridiculous. You've got enough stuff you already feel guilty over that you shouldn't, I'm not going to let you add this to the list. No. If you're going to start up with that, then we're not doing this." That was an empty threat at this point, which she suspected Miley knew.

"All right, all right," Miley said, smiling slightly. "I give up, you win, you're right."

"You know it," Lilly said. She leaned forward and kissed Miley lightly. "And you'd better get used to those words, because I have a feeling you'll be saying them a lot."

"I might need some more practice," Miley said. "Say 'Miley, I think you should kiss me.'"

"Miley, I think you should kiss me," Lilly said obediently.

Miley grinned. "You're right," she said, and complied. Lilly's lips parted under the onslaught and Miley drew Lilly's lower lip into her mouth, sucking and nibbling before she released it. "Say, 'Miley – '"

"Oh, just shut up and touch me already," Lilly breathed.

Miley started to laugh and Lilly cut her off by pushing her down against the bed, straddling the other girl's waist. Amusement danced across Miley's face. "Boy, you catch on fast," she teased.

"Good teacher," Lilly said absently, too absorbed in the first real chance she'd had to just look at Miley to really banter back. "You're so beautiful," she whispered. Her fingers ghosted over Miley's shoulder and collarbone, then down to her breast. The dark pink flesh of Miley's nipple hardened even though Lilly barely brushed against it, and Lilly glanced up, amazed that she could have such an effect on Miley.

The look in Miley's eyes felt like a knife between her ribs. Love and trust and an aching need stared out at her from Miley's eyes. Lilly had never seen her look so...so vulnerable. It almost broke her heart. "Miley..." Tears leaked out of the corners of Miley's eyes and Lilly felt answering tears well up in her own eyes. She pressed forward, kissing Miley urgently. "I love you," she said against Miley's lips.

Miley pulled Lilly down onto her, kissing back almost desperately, then rolled them over so that she was on top, pressing Lilly down into the bed. Her mouth left Lilly's and she kissed down the side of Lilly's neck. Long fingers stroked over one of Lilly's breasts while Miley drew her tongue along the underside of the other one, finally closing her mouth around one rosy pink nipple. Lilly hissed. Maybe it wasn't so amazing the effect she had on Miley, considering the effect Miley had on her.

Miley switched her attentions to the other breast, making Lilly squirm under her, hands coming up to stroke the smooth skin of Miley's back. Slowly, Miley trailed her way down, gently nibbling the skin on her stomach and then licking over the spots. She kissed and licked the inside of Lilly's thighs until Lilly was trembling with desire. "Miley," she panted. "I need you."

"You got me," Miley said, locking eyes with Lilly as she lowered her head and placed her mouth where Lilly needed it most. Her tongue swiped almost lazily along Lilly's length and flicked at her clit. Lilly's head thrashed back and forth on the pillow and she bit back a scream, really not wanting to wake up the rest of the cabin. Miley took Lilly's clit into her mouth, alternately sucking and flicking it, and Lilly writhed under her. She threaded her fingers into Miley's hair to hold her in place, feeling her hips buck.

Miley threw an arm over Lilly's hips to hold them down and increased her pace, sliding one finger and then two into Lilly. "Miley, Miley, Miley," Lilly gasped. Pressure was coiling up inside her. So close, she was so close.

"I'm right here," Miley said. "I've got you." Her tongue pressed hard against Lilly's clit and her fingers thrust and curled and Lilly felt her body seize up again as pleasure exploded through her. The orgasm tore through her, blinding her with its intensity. She started to come down and could feel Miley, still between her legs, lapping at the moisture there. Just the idea of that was enough to send Lilly over the edge again.

Aftershocks washed through her and Lilly pawed weakly at Miley's shoulder, needing the other girl up with her and away from suddenly oversensitive flesh. Miley cradled Lilly in her arms, kissing her as she calmed down. It was strange, tasting herself on Miley's lips, but Lilly decided she liked it.

"Okay," Lilly panted against Miley's neck. "Maybe I should have let you feel guilty, because now you're clearly trying to make me feel inferior." Miley's chuckle rumbled through her chest and Lilly felt it before she heard it.

"I'm just tryin' to inspire you, darlin'," Miley said.

"Oh, I don't think that's going to be a problem," Lilly answered. Her mouth moved against the skin of Miley's neck as she spoke, so it was the easiest thing in the world to press there more firmly, sucking tenderly. Hearing Miley suck in a breath, Lilly grinned and slid her hand up Miley's stomach, curling her fingers around Miley's breast and savoring the feel of its warm weight against her palm. Despite what she'd just said, Lilly still wasn't sure if she was doing this right, but if Miley was having the same reaction to Lilly that Lilly was to her, she had a feeling that anything would be "right". And considering the noises Miley had been making, Lilly thought it was a pretty safe bet.

Her confidence increased even further when she experimentally licked one of Miley's nipples and Miley's whole body jerked under her. "God, Lilly," Miley breathed, so Lilly did it again, and again, then sucked the hardened nipple into her mouth, twirling her tongue around it. Miley grabbed at the hand that was still cupping her other breast, pushing Lilly's thumb and forefinger together until Lilly got the idea and started pinching and rolling the other nipple between her fingers.

Miley moaned, and when Lilly lifted her head to transfer her attention to the other breast, she saw that Miley's eyes were squeezed shut and her hands were tangling in the sheets. Sweat darkened the roots of her hair and plastered strands of it to her forehead, and her whole face was flushed red and splotchy. Lilly thought she'd never looked more beautiful.

She kept her hands on Miley's breasts, dragging her mouth in long swaths down Miley's stomach, alternating teeth and tongue, wanting to taste every inch of skin. She was so intent on it that she was almost surprised to hear Miley whimper her name. It sounded like begging, and the realization of what Miley was begging for sent arousal coursing through her again and hastened her descent. Still, she paused a moment between Miley's legs. She knew Miley was wet, she could smell it, and she felt an answering wetness soak the area between her own legs.

Misinterpreting her hesitation, Miley lifted her head and looked down at Lilly. "You don't have to – "

Lilly lowered her head and dipped her tongue into Miley's folds. "Fuck," Miley hissed, her hips jerking up and banging Lilly in the nose. Okay, now she understood why Miley had pinned hers down, and she grabbed at the tops of Miley's thighs, spreading her legs wider and pushing her hips down into the bed at the same time. Her tongue flicked out again, and she'd been right: Miley tasted indescribably good, thick and heavy, her slickness coating Lilly's lips and tongue, and Lilly knew she'd never get tired of this, never. She closed her mouth over Miley's clit, pressing the tip of her tongue against it over and over. Miley cried out, a short, sharp noise that could have meant anything, and Lilly raised her head, worried that she'd somehow hurt the other girl.

She froze, mesmerized by the sight before her. Dark hair was splayed out across the pillow, Miley's eyes were shut and her whole face was contorted with pleasure. One hand gripped the sheets and the other was playing with her own breast, kneading it and pinching the nipple. Seeing Miley touch herself sent even more wetness flooding between Lilly's legs, turning her on so much that she momentarily forgot what she'd been doing.

"Don't stop!" Miley barked. Her hand left her breast and flailed around. She managed to snatch some of Lilly's hair and yanked her head back into position.

"Sorry," Lilly mumbled into Miley's flesh. She flicked her tongue rapidly against Miley's clit in apology, then licked Miley all the way up her length, finally giving in to temptation and pushing her tongue up into Miley. There was a strange noise above her, but Lilly didn't dare stop again to find out what it was. She pulled her tongue out and thrust it back in. Miley felt so tight and hot around her that Lilly almost came again from the sensation, and she quickly pulled out, circling around Miley's entrance before sucking on her clit again. Lilly slid two fingers into Miley's heat in place of her tongue. She could feel Miley tensing under her, and then suddenly Miley came, her body gripping Lilly's fingers like her legs closed around Lilly's head, hard enough to painfully squash her ears. There was a muffled shout above her and Lilly hoped no one else had heard it.

If Miley had been wet before, it was nothing compared to how wet she was now, and Lilly left her clit to lick at the moisture, waiting until first Miley's legs and then her body relaxed before she freed her fingers, licking them clean too for good measure. She crawled up Miley's body and settled at her side, lifting the pillow off her face and sliding an arm over Miley's waist. "Sorry," she said.

Miley looked at her in disbelief. "I just came so hard I had to scream into a pillow and you're apologizing?"

Lilly nodded. "Next time I won't stop in the middle like that."

"Honey, if that's the end result, you can stop in the middle all you want," Miley told her.

"I love you," Lilly said, placing a soft kiss on the bare skin of Miley's shoulder.

"I love you, too," Miley said. "Give me two minutes to recover and I'll show you just how much."

It was a long time before they slept.

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**Ugh. I hate writing sex. I find it incredibly boring and tedious. My apologies to those who dislike reading it; this wasn't much of a chapter for you. There will be more in this story, but thankfully nothing like this.**

**Okay. Monday. Camping trip!**


	3. Break Through My Shell

**So we were listening to RadioDisney while we ran errands on Saturday, because we think it's funny when they tell us to get our parents' permission before doing things (apparently we at least have the mentality of five-year-olds). And they were running some contest or whatever, and the prize was that you get to fly out to Hollywood to go to a Demi Lovato concert, and then Demi Lovato is going to be in some kind of parade, and you get to wave to her. What. The. Crap. You get to **_**wave to her?**_** How is that a prize, Disney? That is not a prize. And in order to seize upon this fabulous opportunity to **_**wave**_** to Demi Lovato, you have to go the airport, fly across the country, deal with **_**another**_** airport, be in **_**L.A.**_**, and then go to a Demi Lovato concert, where it will be all loud and there will be a whole bunch of people and...yeah, okay, never mind. Clearly I have the mentality of someone who is seventy, not five.**

**But that is still a damn crappy prize, Disney. Seriously.**

**Thanks to everyone for the reviews. I'm glad some of you enjoyed the sex, because I certainly did not. But whatever, it's over now and we are moving on! Someone mentioned wanting to see Lilly's family in this story (sorry, I'm running late for work and can't check to see who), and don't worry, you will. They'll be making an appearance in just a few chapters, in fact.**

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**Chapter Three: Break Through My Shell**

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_making the best of it  
playing the hand you get  
you're not alone in this  
there's hope for the hopeless  
there's hope_

- A Fine Frenzy, _Hope for the Hopeless_

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Dim gray light filtered through a crack in the curtains, filling the room with shadows. Outside, the sun was just starting to rise. Inside, pale blue eyes cracked open and then blinked open wider. Lilly stretched, almost purring when her naked body slid along the warm silk of Miley's skin. She propped herself on one elbow and gazed down at the still form next to her.

Miley was dead to the world, laid out flat on her stomach, blankets pushed down around her waist, leaving her back bare except for the streams of dark hair cascading across it. A small smile of affection tugged Lilly's lips up. She was used to rising with the sun, or even before, a habit ingrained from years of catching early morning waves, but Miley had never been a morning person. It usually took threats of cold-water drenchings and copious amount of coffee to get her upright. That could make getting Miley to her eight o'clock class a chore, but today Lilly didn't mind; it gave her time to just look at Miley, drinking her in.

Asleep, Miley looked younger, peaceful, like all the worry and guilt she perpetually carried around with her had melted away. Lilly's hand moved of its own accord, threading through the strands of Miley's hair and then brushing them aside. She wanted to be able to brush away Miley's troubles just as easily, leave their lives as clear and smooth as the skin of Miley's back.

She traced a light finger the path of Miley's backbone down to where the blankets bunched. She could do that now, Lilly realized. She could touch as much as she wanted. The thought thrilled her and she leaned forward and began to trace the path again, with her mouth this time, leaving butterfly kisses and warm licks on either side of Miley's spine.

"What're you doing?" Miley mumbled, coming awake as Lilly neared the small of her back.

"Waking you up," Lilly answered, not stopping.

"Best. Alarm clock. _Ever_," Miley said through a yawn, and Lilly laughed low in her throat. The blankets got in her way and Lilly knelt and peeled them back, wanting to see all of Miley gilded in the golden glow chasing away the gray of false dawn. She could look now, too. Then her eyes fell on a small patch of skin and she stopped abruptly.

"Miley, what's that?" Lilly asked, her voice carefully blank.

Miley yawned again. "What's what?"

A finger outlined the that in question. "Why do you have a lily tattooed on your butt?"

Miley's whole body tensed and Lilly's hand dropped away. She froze, reacting to the tension radiating off of Miley's body and filling the room.

"It was before you came," Miley said finally, breaking the spell. Lilly drew in a quiet breath. Miley never talked about back then. What little knowledge Lilly had was put together from out-of-date fansites – hardly the most reliable source of information – and the occasional tidbit gleaned from Angel.

Miley crossed her arms on the bed in front of her and balanced her chin on top of them, looking straight ahead at the wall and away from Lilly. Lilly sat back on her feet, listening. "When I first got here," Miley continued, "I spent time with Lilly – the other Lilly, I mean. I was trying to – " She cut off for a beat and then started again. "Anyway. I let her come to concerts, said she could take anything from the Hannah closet, brought her to all the parties, whatever she wanted. I just wanted her to like me. I missed you."

The last part was said in a near-whisper, and Lilly's hand hovered a moment above Miley's back, wanting to comfort her, before it fell back into her lap. She was afraid Miley would stop talking if she touched her.

"That went on for about six months," Miley said, her voice flat and utterly devoid of feeling. Lilly bowed her head, knowing this story wasn't going to end well. "I thought maybe we were becoming friends. But then one day she came to me and said she wanted more. Ten million dollars more, to be exact. I didn't understand at first, I thought she – " Her voice cracked and Lilly's hands clenched convulsively, fingernails digging into her palms.

"But then she said she'd go to the press if I didn't give her what she wanted. That she'd tell them all the secrets I'd ever told her, or she'd accuse me of stalking her, say I was crazy, anything she could think of to screw up my career." White-hot rage flashed through Lilly. Her head snapped up, and she knew that if the other Lilly was here in front of her, she'd have happily strangled herself.

"Miley – " she choked out, the anger squeezing her throat shut.

"No," Miley said quickly. "Don't blame her. It wasn't her fault; it was mine." Lilly could read Miley's guilt in the rigid set of her back muscles. "Anyway, it was stupid. She didn't know anything, not really. Nothing that would have made any difference to Hannah in the long run. I could have laughed in her face. But I gave her the money."

"_Why_?" Lilly asked, anguished.

"Because it didn't matter. She didn't have to threaten me. She never understood it, but all she ever had to do was ask. I would have given her anything, just because in some way, however small, she was you."

Oh, _Miley_. Shame warred with anger now, anger at what had been done to Miley and shame that she'd been the one to do it. Tears welled up in Lilly's eyes and this time her hand settled on the small of Miley's back. "If she were here right now, I'd kill her," Lilly vowed, completely serious.

Miley shuddered under Lilly's palm but continued on like she hadn't heard. "That was when things started to...get bad." She spoke haltingly, as though each phrase was being pulled out of her. "That was the night I realized that...that this was real. That I was stuck here. Alone. For good. It was also the night I realized...that I loved you. That I was in love with you."

Lilly's eyelids fluttered shut as one of her biggest fears shriveled up and blew away, banished by those few simple words.

"Not having Oliver, or Jackson, or dad, that was hard. But not having you..." Miley let the rest of the sentence trail off into nothing. "After she left, I got really drunk. It was the first time. I don't remember much about the next few days, but by the time they were over, I had that tattoo."

Lilly didn't say a word, trying to hold back tears. After a moment the bed dipped and shifted as Miley turned over to face her. Lilly's hand trailed across her skin as she did so, coming to rest on Miley's stomach. Miley covered it with her own. "You aren't mad at me, are you?" she asked.

Lilly's eyes flew open in incredulous surprise. "No, I'm not mad at you." One finely-shaped eyebrow arched upward on Miley's forehead. "I'm not mad," Lilly repeated, smiling to reassure Miley. All of her upset vanished in the face of the utter absurdity of Miley's question, and she suddenly had to fight to keep from laughing, feeling almost giddy, like the only thing keeping her tethered to the bed was Miley's hand on hers.

Her smile widened into a grin. "I'm just...trying to figure out how to return the favor."

Confusion wrote itself across Miley's face. "Crazy naked blonde girl say what?"

Lilly nodded vigorously. "Yeah, I was thinking maybe I could get 5280 tattooed right here – " she pointed to the skin directly over her heart. "Twice. You know. For Miles." She giggled when Miley's jaw sagged open and her forehead wrinkled, obviously trying to figure out just what brand of crazy had gotten into Lilly. "Or maybe I could get a happy face, for Smiley Miley. Or, ooo! I know! I could get a little mouse!"

"A _mouse_?" Miley asked, even more lost.

"Yeah, you know – " Lilly paused dramatically, " – for _Stewart Little_."

A pillow whipped out and caught her on the side of her head so fast Lilly didn't even see it coming. She collapsed onto her side on the bed, laughing hysterically.

"Oh, you are in for it now, Truscott!" Miley yelled. She was on her knees, looming over Lilly, and she punctuated each word with another blow of the pillow. "Stewart Little my lily-white, lily-tattooed ass!"

Lilly raised an arm, still laughing too hard to do more than weakly try to fend off the blows.

A loud pounding on the door startled both of them. Miley froze with the pillow raised in mid-air and Lilly's laughter subsided. "Hey, Miley!" Jackson shouted through the door.

"Go away, Jerkson!" Miley yelled back. "I'm a little busy right now trying to beat my girlfriend to death with a pillow!" Lilly caught the girlfriend remark and smiled, putting a hand on Miley's thigh, her thumb stroking gently. Miley let the pillow drop to the bed beside Lilly. She looked down and returned the smile, both of them getting lost in each other's eyes for a moment.

Evidently Jackson had caught the girlfriend remark as well, because there was a considerable pause before he spoke again. "Yeah, well, now that you woke everyone else up doing it, you owe us breakfast."

"Make your own damn breakfast!" Miley told him, angling her upper body towards the door to be sure Jackson heard her. Lilly brought her thumb and finger together in a light pinch on the top of Miley's thigh. Her lower lip poked out when Miley's gaze turned back to her.

"Oh, so now you're hungry?" Miley demanded. Lilly made her lip tremble and did her best to look pitiful. Miley sighed. "Fine," she said, and then raised her voice. "Jackson, get the stuff out and I'll make pancakes."

"Woohoo!" Jackson whooped. "Sarah, grab the soy milk and the egg substitute, Miley's making pancakes!"

Miley shook her head. "First thing when we get home, we're going out and gorging ourselves on the biggest, rarest steaks we can find."

Lilly grinned up at her. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Miley answered. She leaned down, stopping with her face a bare inch from Lilly's. "But don't think I'm not going to get payback for that Stewart Little crack later, bub."

Before Lilly could formulate a reply, Miley pressed her mouth to Lilly's, kissing her passionately, and all coherent thought fled Lilly's mind. Miley's hand cupped her breast, thumb grazing over a nipple that was instantly hard. Lilly moaned into Miley's mouth and arched upward, straining for more contact, only to have Miley pull away completely and climb off the bed.

"Consider that a preview," Miley smirked, picking through the clothes scattered on the floor and starting to pull on the outfit she'd worn yesterday.

"Feel free...to collect...anytime," Lilly gasped, trying to get her breath back. She kept her eyes studiously trained on the ceiling, because watching Miley's naked body was not going to do anything to help her breathing.

Miley snorted and a bathrobe landed on Lilly's head. "Go take a shower real quick and I'll have some pancakes ready for you when you get out."

"Yes, ma'am," Lilly said, dripping sarcasm. She struggled off the bed and into the robe, then paused with one hand on the doorknob. "Oh, and Miley? Not that I'm not touched, but did you really have to get it _on your_ _butt?_"

She ducked through the door and pulled it closed behind her, laughing when she heard a pillow thud against it seconds later.

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Tiny bubbles formed on the top of the pancake and popped one by one. Miley slid a spatula under the edge and peeked at the bottom. Finding it a nice golden brown, she flipped it over, quickly doing the same for the other five on the electric skillet.

"Order up in one minute," she called over to Jackson and Sarah, who were sitting at the dining room table swapping sections of Wednesday's paper. Her dad had taken Jackson's Prius down into town to pick up today's, and Jackson had told her he figured he'd be back in time for the second batch of pancakes.

Miley grabbed two plates from the cabinet and set them on the counter next to the skillet. Jackson left the table and leaned on the counter across from her.

"Soooo," he drawled, a hint of a leer on his face.

"What?" Miley asked warily.

"You and Lilly," he answered. "Anything you want to tell me?"

"Seems like you already know everything," Miley snapped. She checked one of the pancakes and then let it fall back on the skillet.

"Aw, come on, Miles, I need details," Jackson wheedled.

Miley barked a short laugh. "What, did you become a girl the same time you went vegan?"

"Well, you could at least make it official," Jackson argued, crossing his arms over his chest. Miley pulled the pancakes off the skillet, depositing three on each plate in quick succession, and didn't answer. "Look, something big just happened in your life, Miley, and all I'm asking is that, as your brother, you share it with me. That's all."

Miley took the bowl full of pancake batter and poured six circles on the skillet, then set it back down and met Jackson's eyes. The door to the cabin opened, bringing with it a whirl of cold air carrying the faint smell of future snow, and Miley knew her dad was standing in the doorway, but neither she nor Jackson looked away. She thought about that day on the beach when she'd asked him if it really was that horrible being her brother, about how strongly he'd said yes. About how, in spite of that, he'd come back when she'd needed him.

"All right," she allowed slowly. "Lilly and I are together."

Jackson grinned at her in triumph. "There, now was that so hard? And I'm happy for you, Miles. You deserve this."

Miley dropped her head so that her hair would fall forward and curtain her face to conceal her blush. "Go eat your pancakes," she said, shoving the plates across the counter at him.

The door swung shut and the measured tread of footsteps crossed the room and stopped in front of the counter. Miley could feel the bulk of her father filling the space Jackson had just vacated, radiating cold from outside, but she didn't look up. She had to watch the pancakes, she rationalized, and did so with the intensity of a hawk. There was no telling what her dad's reaction to this news would be. It didn't matter, she thought fiercely. It didn't.

Except that even after all this time and everything that had happened between them, and no matter how hard she tried to convince herself otherwise, it did.

"Congratulations, Miley."

Miley jumped and risked a quick glance up at him. He looked like he meant it. "Thanks," she mumbled. She shifted her weight from foot to foot uncomfortably and changed the subject. "Do you mind checking on Angel and seeing if she's up yet?" The spatula in her hand twitched towards the skillet. "These are for the two of you."

"Sure," he said, already moving away, voice heavy with disappointment.

Miley stifled a sigh and watched him go, then turned her attention back to making breakfast.

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Lilly slipped from the bathroom into their bedroom, dressing quickly because the room felt cold after the damp heat of the shower. Tangles snagged at her fingers as she combed them through her hair roughly, impatient to get out to the table. The pancakes smelled really good and after last night she was starving.

Everyone but Miley was already at the table in the dining alcove. Miley stood by herself in the kitchen, spatula in one hand and a large mug of what was undoubtedly coffee in the other.

Lilly ambled over to her and took the coffee away, putting it on the counter and feeling comfortable wrapping an arm around Miley's waist since nobody seemed to be paying attention to anything but their breakfast and the morning paper. She leaned against Miley's side and rested her head on Miley's shoulder. Quiet joy spread through her and Lilly marveled at the fact that mere proximity to another person could make her so happy.

"Hey," Miley said, reaching across Lilly's back and settling her hand on Lilly's hip. "How was your shower?"

"Good," Lilly answered. "How are the pancakes?"

"Almost done." There were four pancakes on the skillet and Miley flipped them, then rested her cheek on the top of Lilly's wet head. "And they're all yours."

"Did you eat?" The spatula pointed at the coffee mug and Lilly tsked. "Coffee is not an acceptable breakfast, young lady." She released her grip on Miley and picked up the waiting plate, holding it while Miley piled the pancakes on. "Come on, sit with me and we'll share." A look of astonishment greeted that announcement.

"Did you just offer to share _food_?"

Lilly swatted at Miley's stomach with the back of her hand. "If it'll get you to eat a proper breakfast for once, then yes." She stood on half-tiptoe and placed a quick kiss on Miley's cheek, which seemed to daze her enough that Lilly was able to grab her arm and pull her over to the table.

The pancakes disappeared quickly, Miley only managing one bite for every three of Lilly's. They couldn't stop touching each other, sitting with their legs pressed together from knee to ankle, and Lilly ate with the fork in her left hand because she wouldn't stop holding Miley's under the table. They couldn't stop smiling either, and Lilly didn't even care about the knowing smirk on Jackson's face and the small smiles on Sarah and Angel's.

Then Miley went to take her shower and three pairs of eyes were suddenly riveted on Lilly. At least Robby Ray was hidden behind the paper. Maybe he didn't know yet, Lilly hoped.

That hope was dashed when Jackson wolf-whistled and started slowly clapping. "Well, all right," he said. "It's about time."

"Jackson!" Sarah, Angel, and Robby Ray all scolded. Lilly turned bright red.

"What?" Jackson asked. "I mean it, I'm happy for them!"

Sarah stood and latched onto one of Jackson's ears, pulling him up out of his seat. His face contorted with pain. "Well, we're going for a little walk to discuss _appropriate_ ways to express that sentiment." Angel muttered her agreement with that idea as Sarah chirped bye to the rest of them and led Jackson away.

Lilly's embarrassment didn't lessen. If anything, it was worse now that Jackson wasn't there to detract attention away from her. "I think I'll go dry my hair," she said, making a quick exit.

Robby Ray caught up with her in the living room. "Lilly, wait." She stopped reluctantly and turned around. "Listen, I just wanted to say I'm happy for the two of you, too. I think you'll be great together, and I think you'll be real good for Miley."

"Um, thanks, Mr. Stewart," Lilly said.

"Call me Robby Ray," he said, and moved forward as if to hug her. Lilly stumbled back a step, surprised, and not at all sure how she felt about the gesture. She might want Miley to reconcile with him, for Miley's sake, but she was still angry with him, too, also for Miley's sake. He awkwardly held out a hand for her to shake instead.

She took it just as self-consciously. "Uh, no offense or anything, but I don't think I can do that."

Robby Ray laughed and let her go. "Well, give it a year or two and then get back to me. Congratulations, Lilly. I know you'll take good care of her."

"Thanks," Lilly said again, and then hurried for the sanctuary of the bedroom.

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Lilly had time to dry her hair and repack the small backpack they'd brought in preparation for Miley's overnight camping trip with her dad and Jackson before Miley finished her shower.

"Oh, thank god," she breathed when the door finally opened and Miley stepped through. She dropped the backpack on the bed and enveloped Miley in a hug almost before the other girl had a chance to finish closing the door behind her. She buried her face against Miley's terrycloth-covered shoulder, relishing the way Miley's arms automatically wrapped around her waist.

"Uh, not that I didn't miss you, too," Miley teased. "But I wasn't in the shower _that_ long, was I?"

Lilly ignored her. "Do you have any idea," she demanded, "how totally and completely awkward it is to have your dad basically congratulate me for having sex with you?"

The arms around her squeezed tighter in sympathy. "Yeah, he kinda did that to me, too. Sorry about that."

"It's okay." Lilly raised her head and lightly kissed Miley. "At least they're all taking it well."

"You think Angel's okay with it?" Miley asked, moving in for another kiss.

"Are you kidding? I talked to her last night and she was practically throwing me at you."

"Hmm." Miley kissed her again. "I'll have to remember to thank her for that."

"Me too," Lilly said, and deepened the kiss.

It was several minutes before they broke apart, breathing heavily. Miley caught sight of the backpack. "What's that?"

"For the camping trip," Lilly answered. "I packed for you while you were in the shower."

"I forgot about that stupid trip," Miley groaned. Then she smiled wickedly and reached for Lilly. "Maybe I should cancel it."

"Ah, ah, ah," Lilly chided, sidestepping Miley's arms. "You are _not_ cancelling."

"But there are so many other things I'd rather be doing." The look in her eye suggested that Lilly would enjoy those other things immensely.

"Miley, no," Lilly said, using the same tone of voice she would to scold a disobedient puppy. She took another step away as if the added distance would strengthen her resolve. "You guys need some time together, just the three of you. I'm not going to get in the way of that."

"I'd rather stay here with you."

"Go," Lilly insisted. "I'll be here waiting when you get back."

"Promise?" Miley asked wistfully.

"Of course."

Miley sighed, then brightened. "Well, if I'm going on the trip, then we'll just have to make the most of the time before I leave." The robe dropped to the floor and Miley took a step towards Lilly. Her wicked grin was back, but Lilly didn't really notice because she was suddenly having trouble focusing on Miley's face. "Can you think of anything we could do to pass the time?"

"Unh," Lilly said intelligently.

"Interesting idea," Miley said, eyes gleaming. Fingers slid under Lilly's shirt and then started working on the button to her jeans. "But I've got something else in mind."

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Quiet surrounded them and Lilly snuggled closer, not liking the fact that Miley had to leave soon. "We've gotta get up," she said. "Or they're going to start to wonder what we're doing in here."

"I hate to break it to ya, Lilly," Miley laughed, "but I'm pretty sure they ain't wondering. I'm pretty sure they _know_." Lilly whimpered at the thought. "Does it really bother you?" Miley asked. "Because we can hold off until we get home if it does."

"No, I guess not," Lilly said. She squirmed around until she could rest a cheek on Miley's stomach and look up at her. "I just wasn't expecting my sex life to be public knowledge." Miley smiled in sympathy and Lilly blew a long, slow breath out her nose.

"What're you thinking about?" Miley asked.

"Telling my family." Miley raised a hand and started stroking Lilly's hair. Lilly unconsciously leaned into the touch. "My dad and Ben will be fine, but my mom..."

"Still hates me."

"Yeah," Lilly winced. "But there'll be time enough to deal with that later. Right now, we've got twenty minutes until you guys are supposed to leave and your hair is still wet."

"So I'll put it in a braid. I'm going to be out in the woods; no one will see me."

"Miley Stewart, you are not going out in the woods in November with wet hair. You'll end up getting pneumonia."

"Yes, mom," Miley mocked, but her tone was gentle. She cupped Lilly's cheek with her hand and Lilly's eyes closed for a moment before she turned her head and placed a kiss on Miley's palm.

The bed bounced slightly as Lilly got up and started dressing again. Miley's eyes followed her until she was completely dressed; only then did she get out of bed to find her own clothes and the hairdryer.

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They all turned out on the porch to see the Stewarts off. "Come back if it starts to snow," Sarah instructed anxiously.

"Psssh," Jackson scoffed, puffing out his chest. "A little snow never stopped no real Tennessee men." He shot a glance at his sister out of the corner of his eye. "Or Miley."

Lilly tugged on Miley's sleeve and stretched up to whisper in her ear. "Promise me you'll at least try. Just talk to him." Miley rolled her eyes but nodded, then bent to retrieve her pack from the porch floor and shoulder it.

"Let's go," she told the boys. Sarah gave Jackson a quick peck on the lips, and after darting looks at everyone, Lilly did the same to Miley. The Stewart family stepped off the porch and were partway down the driveway when Miley turned and ran back up onto the porch, kissing Lilly soundly, her hands clutching Lilly's jacket.

"Love you," she said, and then whirled and clattered back down the steps to join her father and brother.

"Love you, too," Lilly managed. The flush on her face was not due entirely to embarrassment.

"You two are a_dor_able," Sarah said.

"Ain't that the truth," Angel agreed. She and Sarah disappeared back into the cabin, but Lilly stayed on the porch, staring down the driveway long after the three figures walking along it had vanished.

———————————————

The air was crisp and cold and Miley breathed it in with satisfaction. After seven years of living in southern California, she relished the chill. Winter was always one of the things she'd missed about Tennessee.

They'd spread out single file on the narrow path. Miley was in the rear, which suited her fine as she was able to put just enough distance between herself and Jackson that whenever he wanted to voice one of his inane comments he sped up to tell their dad instead of dropping back to tell her. They were making good time and were probably only another half hour's hike from the campsite, the same one Lilly and Miley had used on a camping trip during the summer.

Her calves were starting to ache but Miley ignored them. She was not going to complain and have it get back to Lilly; that would just give her another reason to insist that Miley start exercising, or, god forbid, learn how to skateboard or surf with Lilly. Although, Miley reflected, at least that last one would mean she'd get to spend a lot of time looking at Lilly in a bathing suit. Not that Lilly had really been able to surf since they'd moved to Seattle. They'd been so busy she hadn't been skateboarding much either, come to think of it.

Her dad looked back down the path and waved at her. Miley waved back, feeling vaguely guilty that she was avoiding him instead of immediately acting on her promise to Lilly. It wasn't that she didn't want to talk to her father, she just didn't know _how_ anymore. There was so much between them these days it seemed like a yawning gulf, one she couldn't even begin to figure out how to cross.

It was too nice a day to bear thinking about things like that, and Miley found her mind drifting to the blonde she'd left behind in the cabin. She got so distracted thinking about Lilly that she almost ran into Jackson when he stopped.

"Wake up, Miles. We're here."

It was a nice campsite, with a level, grassy area large enough for a four-person tent, which Robby Ray was currently inspecting for stones and twigs, and a shallow fire pit ringed with head-sized stones Miley had carted from the nearby stream the last time she was there. There were even three decent-sized logs around the fire pit for seating.

"Tent," Jackson called.

"Dad's doing the tent," Miley pointed out.

"And I'll help," Jackson said smugly.

Robby Ray raised an eyebrow to see if he should intervene, but Miley just shrugged and slid the pack off her shoulders. It landed in the grass at her feet with a dull thud. "Guess that leaves firewood for me."

In truth, she was just as happy to roam through the woods looking for fallen branches. She knew she'd have to talk to her dad sooner or later, but she was putting it off just like that history paper she had due Monday.

A shadow fell over her and Miley tipped her head back. A bank of fat, gray clouds was moving across the sun. Snow clouds. She hoped it wouldn't snow, they'd have Sarah and probably Lilly hiking up here to haul them back to the cabin so they wouldn't "freeze to death," never mind their sleeping bags were rated to twenty below. Southern California girls, Miley thought, smiling.

Picking up her pace a bit, Miley gathered an armful of smaller sticks and twigs. It was noticeably colder without direct sunlight, and if she got this stuff back to camp her dad could get a fire going while she found some bigger branches.

The tent was up by the time she got back to camp, not surprising considering both the boys had been working on it.

"It's gettin' chilly," Robby Ray said.

"Yeah," Miley agreed. She dumped her armful of sticks next to the fire pit. "Do you mind starting the fire while I go get the big stuff?"

"Well, Jackson and I were thinking about hiking upstream a ways and going fishing, so I don't know if we want to start a fire right yet."

"I'll stay and watch it," Miley volunteered, then mentally slapped herself. She was supposed to be spending time with her family, not avoiding them at every possible turn.

"You sure, Miles?" her dad asked, his face unreadable. "We can make three poles just as easily as two."

"Yeah." Miley dug the toe of one shoe into the withered grass at her feet and shoved her hands into the pockets of her jeans. It felt like her mood had dimmed when the day did and now she just wanted to be alone. This whole thing was a bad idea and she should have talked Lilly into letting her cancel. "I never was much for fishing, anyway."

Jackson poked his head out of the tent. "You want any help with the next load of wood?"

"Nah, I scouted some good branches out when I got this stuff. It'll just take me a minute." She turned and walked away, pretending not to see the disappointed look Robby Ray and Jackson shared as she left.

———————————————

Miley fed twigs into the fire one by one. The blaze was in no danger of going out, but it was getting dark, her dad and Jackson had been gone for hours, and she needed something to do. She sighed, gazing blankly at the flickering flames and regretting her decision to stay behind. How the hell had she managed to turn this "family camping trip" into father-son bonding time while she cooled her heels at the campsite by herself? Lilly was going to whip her ass when she got back, and not in a good way.

But then, it wasn't like her father had exactly fought her suggestion that he and Jackson go fishing without her. Maybe he felt the same way she did and had no idea how they were supposed to start repairing their fractured relationship.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of voices coming closer, and she looked up to see Jackson and Robby Ray step into the clearing with their arms full of the firewood they'd promised to bring back with them.

"You didn't catch anything?" she asked, biting back a smile. It wasn't exactly surprising; she'd known they weren't serious about fishing or Robby Ray would have brought real poles instead of just bringing the hooks and fishing line and rigging half-ass ones on whatever sticks they could find.

"Sure we did, we just threw 'em all back," Jackson informed her. He puffed his chest out so much the log on the top of his stack fell off and tumbled to the ground. "Sarah'd skin me alive if she found out I killed fish."

"Uh-huh," Miley said skeptically. Behind Jackson, her dad was shaking his head slowly and Miley grinned. Just as she'd thought. Jackson saw the look on her face and whipped his head around to look at Robby Ray, who just shrugged innocently and knelt to deposit his armload of wood next to the fire.

Jackson's eyes narrowed suspiciously but he wisely decided his best bet was to change the subject. "You didn't start dinner?"

"I would have," Miley said, standing and putting a hand on her hip. "But I thought y'all were bringing back fish for dinner."

Jackson sputtered and Robby Ray laughed, clapping a hand on Jackson's shoulder. "I think she's got us there, son." He rubbed his hands together. "And I reckon since we failed to provide, the least we can do is heat up the beans." Jackson started to protest and their dad elbowed him in the ribs. "Course, that means your sister'll be in charge of clean up. Standard Stewart family camp rules."

"Ha!" Jackson shot her a triumphant grin and Miley wrinkled her nose at him. Even she would admit she'd walked right into that one. She snagged the plastic bucket and headed towards the stream while her dad rummaged around in the pack containing their food supplies. Might as well get the washing-up water before it got completely dark out.

———————————————

Sleep eluded her. Jackson's loud snores echoed in her ears, and between that and thoughts of Lilly, sleep just wouldn't come. Miley tossed around in her sleeping bag restlessly. The hard ground wasn't helping any, either, and judging by the pain in her back her dad had missed a rock or two when he cleared the tent site.

Punching the rolled up sweater she was using as a pillow, Miley turned onto her side and put her back to Jackson in the futile hope that it would lessen the racket. She missed Lilly, which was ridiculous, she told herself, because it had only been a few hours and it wasn't like they'd never been apart before, but somehow she couldn't get her brain to agree, and her mind kept circling back to thoughts of her, wondering what she was doing. Wondering if she was missing Miley, too.

Miley closed her eyes resolutely, only to have them pop back open seconds later. Now she had to pee. Great. She wiggled out of the sleeping bag and unrolled her pillow, pulling it over her head and shoving her arms through the sleeves while she roughly jammed her feet into her shoes. Not bothering to tie them, she unzipped the tent flap and stepped out into the night.

Light from the fire outlined the shape of her father. He looked up at her as she walked over, intending to go into the woods on the other side of the campsite to use the bathroom. There was a clump of bushes they'd designated for that purpose earlier in the day. "Couldn't sleep?"

"Bathroom," she said shortly, and he nodded. She visited the bushes and returned to camp, pausing on the edge of the shadows and looking at her dad. He must not have heard her coming back, because he sat hunched over, staring into the cup he held cradled in his hands. In the uneven light of the fire he looked suddenly old, and very tired.

Just talk to him, Lilly had said, and Miley felt a surge of guilt. She hadn't even tried.

So she walked over and took a tentative seat on the log next to him. "Hey," he greeted her, sounding so pleasantly and honestly surprised that her guilt intensified. Had it really been that obvious that she'd been avoiding him? She smiled at him. She could do this. Just talk to him. It sounded so easy.

Except she had no idea what to say.

"You, uh, want some hot chocolate?" He gestured with the collapsible plastic mug he was holding. "It's no Loco Hot Cocoa, but I could make you a cup."

"No, thanks," Miley said. Her stomach sank a little when she saw his face fall at her response. "But maybe I could have a sip of yours?" she asked quickly.

His eyes lit up at the request. "Sure, sure." He thrust the cup at her. "Drink all you want." Miley took a sip and rolled the watery, lukewarm chocolate around on her tongue. She snuck a look over at him; he looked years younger now, and happier than he had all day. She couldn't believe such a simple thing had made such a big difference. Maybe she was making this whole thing harder than it had to be. Maybe the only thing keeping all this space between them was the fact that neither of them could get up the courage to take the first step to cross it.

"Dad?" She swallowed and then charged ahead. "I know there's a lot of stuff that's happened, bad stuff, on both our parts, but...do you think there's any way that we could, maybe, just...forget all that...and maybe start over?"

Miley kept her eyes on the cup in her hands, just in case he refused, but he reached over and tilted her chin up to look at him, and she could see his answer in the happiness on his face. "I'd really like that, bud."

He hadn't called her bud in years. Not since that last aborted cup of Loco Hot Cocoa when she'd first arrived.

He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into a hug, resting his head on hers, and she leaned into him, soaking up his comforting solidness. She'd missed this. She'd missed him, more than she'd admitted even to herself.

Tears leaked out of her eyes and she didn't bother to try to stop them. In fact, she could've sworn she felt some trickle down against her scalp as another piece of her heart slid home under the stars.

———————————————


	4. Everything Can Change

**Thanks for the reviews, you guys. They were greatly appreciated, especially this week.**

**live2rite: I am so jealous. I wish I had a job where I could read fic. Then I might actually get to read fic.**

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**Chapter Four: Everything Can Change**

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_I didn't expect  
to waken again, to feel  
in damp earth my body  
able to respond again, remembering  
after so long how to open again_

- Louise Glück, "Snowdrops"

———————————————

Lilly had _1984_ open in front of her and was trying not to be too obvious about watching the door to the cabin instead of reading the book in her lap. She risked another quick glance at the still shut door and looked back, only to see Sarah, who was sitting in the armchair across from her knitting a scarf, with a knowing smile on her face. Busted.

"Miss her?"

"Pssh, pfft, pfah," Lilly stuttered. "No, don't be crazy. They haven't even been gone a whole day, I don't have any reason to miss her. This part of the book is just doubleplus boring." She turned a page, then realized it was the first time she'd done that in at least twenty minutes. So busted.

"Right," Sarah agreed, starting a new row.

The words on the page blurred and refused to make sense, no matter how hard Lilly stared at them, and she finally gave up and tossed the book next to her on the couch.

"They'll be back soon," Sarah said calmly. Lilly glared at her. "It'll get easier. Being apart. It's hardest at the beginning." Lilly drummed her fingers on the arm of the couch restlessly and didn't answer. Sarah watched her fidget for a moment. "It's really serious between you two, isn't it?"

"Yeah." Lilly laughed without humor. Serious didn't begin to describe it. "Who knows, maybe one day you'll be welcoming me to the family."

The knitting needles clacked softly together as Sarah lowered the scarf to her lap. "Lilly, honey, you already _are_ family. You know, Jackson told me once that sometimes he thinks you're more family to Miley than he is."

Lilly opened her mouth but was saved from having to reply when the door to the cabin swung open.

"And then Aunt Pearl said," Jackson was saying. He paused and they all three said the next part together, "'That ain't the pig's supper, it's yers!'" They burst out laughing. Lilly and Sarah exchanged a confused look and then shrugged.

"Do you remember the look on Uncle Earl's face when she made him climb in the pen and get it back outta the trough? Priceless!" Jackson said, gasping for breath.

"Forget that," Miley broke in. "What about the look on his face when she made him _eat_ it?" That set the three of them off again, Miley laughing so hard that she collapsed back against her father's chest. He slung an arm around her shoulders and Lilly's heart tripped a beat. It looked like camping had gone well. The last time she'd seen Miley so comfortable around her dad had been a lifetime ago and a universe away.

Miley caught her eye and gave an almost imperceptible nod, and that was all it took to let Lilly know. Not jumping up and down doing the happy dance took a supreme effort of will.

"I take it you guys had a good trip," Sarah said, setting aside her knitting and crossing the room to give Jackson a welcome back hug and a short kiss. Lilly trailed after her. She knew the kind of greeting she wanted to give Miley – pushing her up against the wall and kissing her senseless – but she settled for copying what Sarah did.

"Hey," Miley breathed in her ear, making chills chase each other the length of her spine as she pulled away.

"We had a great trip, hon," Jackson answered Sarah. Robby Ray echoed the sentiment, but Lilly barely noticed, because just at that moment nothing existed except Miley, and from the way Miley's eyes were locked on hers, she suspected the feeling was mutual.

"I'm gonna to go unpack," Miley said abruptly. Her hand latched around Lilly's wrist and she started towing her towards their bedroom.

"And, um, I'm going to, uh, help. Unpack. Help her unpack," Lilly stammered, careful not to look at the other three because if she blushed any harder she'd injure herself.

The door slammed shut on smothered laughter in the living room. "Miley, they're right outside," Lilly started, "we can't – " But it turned out she wasn't the only one who'd had other ideas about what constituted a proper greeting, because she suddenly found herself pinned against the door with Miley's tongue in her mouth.

Several minutes passed before Lilly was able to summon up enough willpower to push Miley away. "I can't, I'm sorry, not with them right out there, what if they _heard_ us?" She started to push past Miley, but Miley snagged her with an arm around her waist, pulling Lilly into an embrace, Lilly's back against her front. Lilly relaxed back into the hug. "I missed you."

"I missed you so much it's disgusting."

Lilly giggled. "You should have taken your cell phone. Then you could have called and we could have picked out clouds together. Aw, you missed your opportunity to run into a tree!"

Miley took Lilly by the hand and led her over to the bed, tugging until Lilly sat down next to her. "Lilly," Miley said over-earnestly, "I want you to know I love you with all my heart, but I – " She broke off and put a hand to her mouth as though this was the most difficult thing she'd ever had to say, pausing a moment to build suspense. " – I just don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to call you Lillypad."

"Miley, no!" Lilly gasped, throwing herself back onto the bed and flinging an arm across her forehead as if the news was too much to bear. "Does that mean I can't call you Miley-wiley?"

"If you did, I'd have to kill you," Miley said solemnly, eyes twinkling.

Something occurred to Lilly. "Hey, if you're not going to call me Lillypad, what are you going to call me?"

"Hmmm," Miley considered. "I'm thinking about going with frog."

Lilly sat straight up. "_Frog?_"

"Yeah. Lilly, lilypad, frog. Get it?" Miley grinned at her, clearly enjoying this.

"Miley, you can_not_ call me _frog_!"

"Frog, froggie, frogger," Miley chanted, testing it out. "Yep, I like it. I'm sticking with frog. I think it suits you."

Lilly crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her eyes. "Fine. If you're calling me frog, then I'm calling you toad."

"Lilly!" Miley yelped. "You can't call me toad! They have warts!"

"I know," Lilly said, smiling sweetly. "And I love you, warts and all."

Miley's jaw dropped and she was speechless for several seconds. "Okay, now that's just not fighting fair."

"I know." She leaned in and pressed a gentle kiss against Miley's lips.

"Neither is that."

"I know," Lilly soothed, kissing her again and again and –

Miley let out a loud groan of capitulation and flopped back on the bed. Lilly laid down next to her and sought Miley's hand, threading their fingers together. Silence reigned for a moment.

Then, "I love you, toad."

"I love you, too, frog."

Lilly couldn't have stopped the goofy grin that spread across her face if she'd wanted to. "Good. Now go take a shower, 'cause you smell about as bad as Amber and Ashley that time the port-a-potty tipped over on them."

She totally deserved the pillow to the face she got for that remark, and she knew it.

———————————————

Football was on again in the living room, so while Miley was in the shower Lilly made the bed and propped some pillows against the wall and settled in to finally get some homework done. She'd barely made it through ten pages of _1984_ yesterday, too distracted with wondering how the camping trip was going, and she had to be done with it for class on Monday.

Half an hour later and she was about ready to hurl the book across the room. The utopias and dystopias intro English class had sounded cool when she was registering, but it had gotten old fast. Thankfully, Miley finished her shower and came back just in time to distract her and save the book.

Miley acted like she didn't even see Lilly sitting on the bed, just came in and shut the door and went straight to her suitcase, but Lilly was sure Miley knew she was there. The look on her face gave her away, that same little smirk that never boded well for Lilly.

Miley nonchalantly loosened the belt on her bathrobe and let it fall to the floor, leaving her completely naked and sucking all the air out of Lilly's lungs. Her suddenly desert-dry mouth resisted Lilly's efforts to swallow. Miley started to dress, pulling on a pair of black lace boy shorts, inching them up her legs with agonizing slowness. Lilly shut her eyes and bit back a moan when Miley finally got them all the way up. Then her eyes shot back open, not wanting to miss anything. Miley continued her reverse striptease, every movement making the fire under Lilly's skin burn even hotter.

Her breathing was shallow and labored by the time Miley finished dressing and sat on the foot of the bed, comb in hand. "You are one cruel, cruel woman, Miley Stewart," Lilly forced out as she tried to control her breathing. "I never knew it could be such a turn on watching someone put clothes _on_."

Miley's gaze pinned her in place. "Just wait until tonight, when you get to watch me take them _off_."

This time, Lilly didn't even try to contain her moan, eyes sliding shut again. "We are so going to bed early tonight." Miley chuckled and attacked her hair with the comb. "So I guess you and your dad talked?"

"Yeah, we talked."

"And?"

Miley yanked hard on the comb. "And we're gonna try to forget everything. Start fresh."

"And you're okay with that?" Lilly asked. They were going to forget everything? That was it? Had Robby Ray even apologized?

Miley shrugged. "We'll see how it goes."

Lilly frowned but let the subject drop since it didn't seem like Miley wanted to discuss it. She'd been hoping Miley and her dad would talk more than that, though.

Miley's hair was putting up a fight and she still couldn't pull the comb all the way through it. "As soon as we get home, I'm chopping all my hair off," she growled in frustration.

"No!" Lilly said. "You can't do that, I love your hair. I always wanted to have hair like yours."

Miley shot a look of disbelief in her direction. "Are you kidding me? You're blonde. Everyone wants blonde hair. Why do you think Hannah Montana was a blonde?"

"Well, _everyone_ can have blonde hair, then. I'd rather have yours."

Miley tried one more time to yank the comb through the hair in question and then threw it on the bed. "Ya might wanna rethink that, because it's a real pain in the ass."

Putting down her book, Lilly got up on her knees and walked on them down to where Miley was sitting. She picked up the comb and took a section of Miley's hair, patiently untangling the knots in it. They melted away under her gentle fingers. "I'll make you a deal," Lilly proposed. "You don't cut your hair, and I won't cut my hair."

"Do you even want to cut your hair?" Miley asked.

"No," Lilly admitted, suppressing a smile.

"Then how about I don't cut my hair if you promise to comb it out for me every day."

"Are you kidding me? This is a real pain in the ass," Lilly said, imitating Miley's earlier remarks. "But if you're really good, maybe one day I'll let you shampoo and condition my beautiful blonde hair." That time it was an Oliver impression.

Miley reached back and pinched Lilly's side, making her yelp. "Be still my heart," she deadpanned.

The comb was now moving easily through Miley's hair. "All done," Lilly announced, and leaned forward to kiss Miley on the cheek.

"Thanks," Miley said. She turned her head and captured Lilly's lips with her own. The kiss started off light but quickly deepened as mouths opened and tongues probed into them. They didn't pull away for several minutes, Lilly shivering when Miley ran her tongue along Lilly's bottom lip as they separated.

"Is it time for bed yet?" she asked plaintively. Miley just laughed and got up to get the hair dryer.

———————————————

The tone for the rest of Saturday was set when Robby Ray turned his cell phone on and it immediately started ringing. "Dangflabit," he said, peering at the display. "I got too many people workin' for me don't know the meanin' of a long weekend."

Miley laughed. "Ya only got about three people workin' for you, Daddy." Back when her dad had started writing for Hannah, he'd founded his own publishing company. Until recently, it had only dealt with his songs, but since he'd moved back to Malibu he'd gotten involved in expanding the business to other artists.

"Far as I'm concerned, even one's too many," he said, taking his phone and going from the living room out to the porch to answer the call.

Miley, Jackson, and Sarah exchanged glances. "I guess that means we should get to work, too," Sarah said finally, receiving twin groans from Miley and Jackson.

Lilly looked up from _1984_. "Some of us are _already_ working," she reminded them. A second later, three different pillows hit her from three different directions. "Ow," Lilly complained. "What is it with this family and pillows?" She turned a pout on Miley. "You're supposed to be protecting me, you know, not assaulting me."

"Aww," Miley said sarcastically. "You want me to kiss it and make it better?"

Lilly stuck her tongue out at her and Miley pursed her lips and kissed the air, getting a pillow tossed at her head for her trouble. Unlike Lilly, she was fast enough to duck. "History paper," Lilly said sternly, ignoring Jackson and Sarah's laughter. She pointed first at Miley, then at their bedroom. "Go get the laptop. Now."

"Yes, ma'am," Miley said, saluting Lilly and getting up from her end of the couch to retrieve the laptop.

"And you'd better get started on your logo project," Sarah told Jackson, still laughing. "Or I'm going to sic Lilly on you." His days making sand sculptures on the beach had uncovered Jackson's affinity for art, and now he was a Graphic Arts major at USC. He still loved to sculpt, but preferred to do that as a hobby.

"God forbid," Jackson said, mock-shuddering.

"Get my stuff out, too," Sarah said as he moved off the loveseat towards the pile of their bags at the end of the couch. Unsurprisingly, Sarah was an Environmental Studies major at UCLA.

An hour later, Lilly was sprawled on her back on the couch with her feet in Miley's lap, engrossed in _1984_. She was almost done with it. Finally. Jackson had moved to the table in the dining room where he could spread out his papers and work on his laptop, and Sarah was across from him, taking notes from three books at once. Robby Ray still hadn't come in from the porch, and Angel had taken over the loveseat, her nose buried in a book. Lilly thought the language on the cover was Arabic, but she hadn't asked.

Miley had the laptop balanced on the edge of her knees, typing furiously, her arms resting on Lilly's shins. She stopped typing, furrowed her brow at what she'd written, then stabbed her finger down on the delete key for a long moment and started over. Pausing as she reached the end of a chapter, Lilly looked over at her and smiled a little. She couldn't ever remember Miley being this involved in writing a paper before.

Wait a second, Lilly thought, getting suspicious. The smile dropped from her face. Miley _hated_ writing papers. "Hey, whatcha doin'?" Lilly asked. She moved her foot and poked her toes into Miley's ribs to get her attention when Miley didn't answer right away.

Miley lifted her head and turned to face Lilly, smiling blankly. Her mind was clearly millions of miles away.

"What're you working on?" Lilly asked again.

"Huh?" Miley blinked and her eyes cleared, attention focusing on Lilly. "Oh, um, history paper." She turned back to the laptop screen and immediately lost herself in it again.

Lilly frowned. Miley wasn't writing her paper, she was sure of that. Normally Miley would take any opportunity she could to procrastinate. Lilly pulled her feet out of Miley's lap and sat up, tucking her legs under her and leaning sideways against the back of the couch. She pretended to be reading again until she was sure Miley was too caught up in what she was doing to notice when Lilly looked at the laptop screen, getting ready to yell at Miley to get back to work if she was playing Text Twist.

Lilly almost dropped her book. It looked like Miley was writing lyrics. Lilly bit her lip to keep from shouting in excitement. Maybe now Miley would start playing again, too. There was no way Lilly was stopping her from doing _this_. The history paper could wait.

———————————————

The room was quiet and dark, the windows behind the curtains just starting to lighten. Lilly half-woke and rolled over, coming fully awake when her questing hand found only cold sheets. Rubbing her eyes, she sat up and looked around the room. She was alone. Where the heck was Miley? She was never up this early, and she couldn't have just gone to the bathroom because the sheets would still be warm.

The floor was slightly chilly to her bare feet and goosebumps prickled Lilly's skin. They had a crocheted throw blanket thrown on top of the quilt and Lilly tugged it off and wrapped it around her shoulders. The door creaked as she pulled it open. Lilly winced, praying under her breath that it wouldn't wake Jackson or Sarah on the sleeper-sofa. Thankfully, neither of the two lumps on the sofabed moved as Lilly tiptoed past.

She checked the bathroom first, just in case Miley had gotten sick or something. It wasn't until she stepped back into the living room that she heard the music. It came in bits: a few notes, a snatch of Miley's voice. Faint, but undeniably there. And coming from the porch.

Hardly daring to breathe, Lilly crept across the cabin into the kitchen. She froze when one of her steps landed on a creaky board, not moving again until the next slip of music came floating through the air. There was a window above the kitchen sink that was closest to where the porch swing was outside and Lilly stood just to one side of it, listening with every fiber in her body. Miley was playing again. Miley was singing again.

Lilly couldn't stop trembling, half from cold, half from joy. The cold part snapped her back into action. If she was cold in here, Miley must be freezing out there. A quick check of the coat rack reassured her that Miley had at least had enough sense to put on her jacket before she went outside. Weighing her options, Lilly decided not to interrupt Miley. She had her coat, and if she got too cold her fingers would get numb and she'd have to stop playing and come inside anyway.

Instead, yawning hugely, Lilly retrieved one of the barstools from the other side of the island and put it down carefully next to the sink, settling in to listen.

Rough shaking woke her, and for a second before sleep fled, Lilly thought she was in an earthquake. "Jackson?" He stopped shaking her by the shoulder once he saw she was up. How long had she been asleep? It still wasn't fully light outside, so it couldn't have been that long, but long enough that she'd gotten a crick in her neck from sleeping slumped over the counter.

"What are you doing out here?" Jackson asked. Lilly shushed him with a finger to her lips and pointed outside. Comprehension dawned when another few notes came through the glass. "Miley's playing?" he mouthed, smiling when Lilly nodded vigorously and beamed at him.

He cocked his head to the side and they listened in silence for a moment. Then Jackson sighed. "She's gonna be famous again, isn't she?"

———————————————

They were all up by the time Miley came back inside twenty minutes later. She gave a little jump when she came in the door and saw them all there, Robby Ray, Angel, and Sarah sitting at the island and Jackson and Lilly flanking both sides of the sink. They all had smiles plastered on their faces.

"Don't tell me y'all were listening," Miley said, and Lilly was startled to see a faint flush rising on her cheeks. Miley had never been shy about people hearing her sing before. But that was then and this was now. Baby steps, Lilly told herself.

"Well, we couldn't hear much, bud," Robby Ray started.

"But what we could hear was fan-_tas_-tic. Dang, girl!" Angel finished.

"It's nothing," Miley demurred. "I mean, I just started working on it, it's still really rough."

"Ah, that's how they all start," Robby Ray said, waving away her protests. "You know, now that you're playin' on it, that guitar's gonna need a name."

Miley grinned. "I think she's already got one."

"Yeah?" her dad asked.

"Yeah," Miley said, looking at Lilly. "I think I'm gonna call her Lola." Tears sprang up in Lilly's eyes and she blinked furiously to keep them back. Every time she thought she couldn't possibly love Miley any more than she already did, the girl went and did something like this to prove her wrong.

"Lola. I like it," Jackson said. "Kinda like Lulu."

"Yeah," Robby Ray agreed. "Lucky Lulu and Lovely Lola."

"She is that," Miley said softly.

Lilly couldn't take it anymore. She walked around the island and enveloped Miley in a hug so tight it was almost suffocating, burying her face in Miley's loose hair and breathing in the fresh, cold air that still clung to her. "I think I'm going to cry," she mumbled into Miley's shoulder.

"Um, don't do that, please," Miley whispered, sounding at a loss. Lilly could feel her jerk her head at the other four in a request that they clear out and give her and Lilly a moment alone.

"We're, uh, we're gonna run into town real quick and pick up some doughnuts for breakfast," Robby Ray said quickly. Angel, Jackson, and Sarah murmured their agreement. On the way out the door, Sarah took the guitar from Miley and laid it on the counter so Miley had both arms free to wrap around Lilly, which she immediately did.

"Hey, now, what's wrong?" she asked when the door closed behind Sarah.

"Nothing's wrong," Lilly said. She sniffled and lifted her head. "I'm sorry. It's just so much has happened in the past few days. Jackson and Sarah, and us, and then your dad, and now you're writing again, you're _singing_, and it just..."

Miley cupped her face with both hands and used her thumbs to wipe away the wetness on Lilly's cheeks. "Emotional overload?"

"Yeah. Too much of a good thing, I guess. I didn't mean to cry all over you, I'm sorry."

"Don't worry about it," Miley said wryly. "I got all my cryin' done up at the campsite or I probably woulda joined ya." She dropped her arms so that they were loosely encircling Lilly's waist.

"I didn't mean to make everyone leave."

Miley's mouth quirked up. "Well, now that they're gone, I've got a good thing in mind we definitely haven't had too much of," she said suggestively. She leaned forward and placed light, teasing kisses all around Lilly's mouth.

"Oh, really?" Lilly asked archly, bringing her arms up around Miley's neck and pulling her closer.

Miley slid her hands down below Lilly's butt, lifting her up so Lilly could wrap her legs around Miley's waist. "Really," she said, starting towards their bedroom.

———————————————

By the time everyone else made it back, bearing Krispy Kreme doughnuts from the grocery store, Miley and Lilly were dressed again and had even packed, suitcases lined up neatly by the door.

"Funny," Miley said, taking the green and white box from Jackson. "I didn't realize Krispy Kreme had a vegan line." Jackson drew a hand across his throat wildly to get her to shut up. Sometimes Sarah looked the other way on the vegan thing as long as he stayed vegetarian, but Miley loved trying to get him into trouble for it.

"Might wanna eat these quick, girls," Robby Ray said, coming in and slapping his hands together to warm them. "I think it's gonna snow later. We'd better hightail it outta here before we get snowed in."

They took his advice and wolfed down the doughnuts while Sarah, Jackson, and Robby Ray got packed, then loaded up the two cars. Less than an hour later, they were ready to hit the road. They shared a round of hugs and Miley and Lilly stood on the porch with Angel, waving while the other three piled into Jackson's Prius and drove off.

"It was good to see them," Lilly said.

"Yeah," Miley agreed. She wrapped an arm around Lilly's waist and leaned against her. "I'm glad you made me go camping."

"Me too. And I'm glad we got to see you, Angel."

"And I was happy to have you," Angel said. "Y'all know you're welcome here anytime. Heck, it's _your_ cabin."

"Only in name," Miley corrected her.

"Are you sure you won't come down for Christmas?" Lilly asked. "We're going to be in Malibu."

"No, I think I'll be fine up here," Angel said. "Malibu's got – "

"Too many people," Miley and Lilly chorused with her.

"Let me do a run-through and make sure we haven't forgotten anything," said Lilly. "Then we'll get out of here before it starts to snow." She pulled away from Miley and went back in the cabin, leaving the other two on the porch.

Miley cleared her throat. "Angel, Lilly told me that you kind of helped her make up her mind the other night, and well...I just wanted to say thank you for that."

"No thanks necessary," Angel said, walking over and embracing Miley. "She already had her mind made up, she just needed a little nudge. And for you, baby girl? It was the least I could do."

"Oh, no," Miley said as she hugged Angel back. "You already did a lot more than that three years ago."

"I'm just glad you're happy, child." The door to the cabin creaked open and Lilly stepped out with Lola in her hand.

"Did we leave anything?" Miley asked, dropping her arms from around Angel and the other woman did the same.

"Just Lola. You wanna put her in the car while I say goodbye to Angel?"

Miley could hear them talking as she stepped off the porch and started for the car, but she didn't try to listen in, figuring Lilly was probably saying something along the same lines that she just had. She stuck Lola in the back and shut the door, looking up to see Angel release Lilly from a hug.

"You guys better get out of here before you get trapped," Angel said, raising her voice so that it carried easily to Miley.

Lilly pecked her on the cheek and leapt down the stairs off the porch. "Thanks, Angel. Miley, I'm driving!"

"But it might start snowing," Miley protested, knowing Lilly hated to drive in the snow.

"And if it does, we'll switch. But you've got that history paper due tomorrow and I bet you still haven't even started it, have you?"

"Maybe," Miley hedged. Lilly leveled a skeptical look at her. "Okay, fine, no, I haven't."

"That's what I thought. Keys?" They flashed through the air and smacked into Lilly's palm with a jangle. With one last wave at Angel, they were on their way.

———————————————

**This chapter was kind of short. And mostly filler. Sorry. Uh, the next chapter will be longer and better? Longer, anyway. I can promise you that much. And with Lilly's family!**

**I am going to go clean my bathroom now. I realize that sounds unpleasant, but after the week I've had it will be an experience that is firmly in the plus column.**


	5. Stuck In Quicksand

**A big thanks to everyone who is still reviewing. Y'all are way too awesome for me.**

**mileymadness: I think that is like 11 amazing reviews in a row? You rock.**

**I hope you guys enjoy the chapter. I will try my best not to fall asleep and crash on the way to work, thereby making this the last one. No promises, though.**

———————————————

**Chapter Five: Stuck In Quicksand**

———————————————

_Life is the only way  
to get covered in leaves,  
catch your breath on the sand,  
rise on wings;_

_to tell pain  
from everything it's not_

- Wislawa Szymborska, "A Note"

———————————————

**Christmas 2011**

Lilly was nervous about Christmas. No, scratch that. Lilly was _extremely_ nervous about Christmas. Her relationship with her mother was turbulent to say the least, and that was almost entirely due to the fact that Lilly's mother hated Miley and never lost an opportunity to make that known. And now Lilly was going to have to tell her that she and Miley were together.

The only thing keeping Lilly from going crazy was that the weeks between Thanksgiving and their departure for Malibu had been so busy she hadn't had time to really think about it. First, they'd had the last week of classes, which had meant handing in final papers and projects practically every day, followed by exam week, which had been even worse. They'd both had exams on the last day, too, a Saturday, which had seemed grossly unfair. The next two days had been spent in bed, sadly doing nothing more than catching up on lost sleep.

They'd used the rest of that week and part of the next to rearrange the house. Before, the small office on the first floor had been set up as a study, with Miley in the master bedroom upstairs – Lilly had lost it at rock-paper-scissors when they first moved in – Lilly's bedroom and the guest room taking up the other two rooms upstairs. But since Thanksgiving they'd been sleeping together in Miley's room, and now that Miley was writing and playing again she needed a space for all of her stuff, especially since she'd spent the Tuesday after exams shopping and come home with a keyboard, electric guitar, and a combo amp.

So the downstairs study had been transformed into Miley's music room, the guest room upstairs into the new study, and Lilly's room into the new guest room, and all of Lilly's stuff that hadn't already migrated down the hall to Miley's room made the trip. It wouldn't have taken them a whole week to move everything, but they'd decided that since all the furniture was coming out anyway it would be a good time to paint, and that had extended the job considerably.

The house still smelled like paint, but even that wasn't enough to make Lilly want to abandon it in favor of Malibu. She watched the last glimpse of the house disappear out of the back windshield and whimpered. "Goodbye, house," she sniffed, twisting around to face front and pretending to wipe a tear from her eye. "I hope I live to see you again."

"Don't you think you're being just a _tad_ overdramatic?" Miley asked.

"No," Lilly said fervently. "You know my mother."

"Good point," Miley said. "You may not survive." She drummed her fingers against the steering wheel. "Hmm, I really should've had Juliana draw up a will for you to sign before we left."

"Very funny," Lilly pouted. "This is the part where you're supposed to _reassure_ me, you know."

"Sorry," Miley said, most of her attention taken up by checking over her shoulder so she could see to merge onto I-5 safely. "I thought we were still wallowing."

"I'm wallowing, you're cheering me up," Lilly told her.

Miley managed to get over, but the road was choked with holiday and morning rush hour traffic and they moved forward at slow crawl. Miley groaned in annoyance. "Why are we driving again?"

Lilly winced. That was her fault. "We've got too much luggage to fly," she defended, and that was true: the car was loaded down with presents for everyone – including Angel, since they were stopping at the cabin for the night – though Lilly and Miley had both had their presents to each other sent down to Malibu so there would be no chance of the other one peeking. Lilly had even bribed Jackson to wrap Miley's present for her.

"Besides, the airport would be just as bad," Lilly continued, which was also true, but the real reason she wanted to drive down was that it gave them the ability to leave town at the drop of a hat. Just in case things didn't go well. Having eighteen hours spread over two days in the car to emotionally prepare herself didn't hurt either. She just hoped the traffic would let up once they got out of the city, or it might take longer than two days.

Lilly slouched down in her seat and flipped the zipper on the end of her coat up and down. Then again, she reflected, more time might be good.

"Hey," Miley said. "If you really don't want to do this, we can turn around and stay here for Christmas. Or at the cabin with Angel."

"But then you wouldn't get to see your dad or Jackson," Lilly pointed out.

"They'd live," Miley said shortly. "I'm more worried about you."

"No, it's okay," Lilly said. "We can make it through Christmas. Probably. Maybe. I mean, what's the worst that could happen?"

Miley didn't look like she wanted to answer that.

———————————————

Blue dusk shadows had just started darkening the air when they made it into Malibu. "Are you sure you don't want me to come in?" Miley asked, peering up at the front door of the Truscott house.

"Yes?" Lilly answered, anything but sure.

"You could still come home with me," Miley offered. "Dad and Jackson would love to have you."

"No," Lilly said, her voice firmer now. "I've got to do this sometime, it may as well be now. Plus, I missed Thanksgiving; my mom will kill me if I miss Christmas." They sat in silence for a minute, delaying the inevitable. "I should go in, or she'll send Ben out after me. Or worse, come herself."

Miley's knuckles whitened around the steering wheel. She leaned over, Lilly meeting her halfway, and they shared a long, leisurely kiss goodbye. Resting her forehead on Miley's, Lilly took a moment to steel herself for the battle she knew would start the second she walked through the front door. "Love you."

"Love you, too," Miley said. The overhead dome light blinked on as Lilly opened the passenger door. "Call if you need me and I'll come right over. Or just come to the house if things get to be too much, I don't care what time it is."

"Don't worry," Lilly said dryly. "I'm sure I'll be seeing you soon."

"Promise?" Miley asked.

"Oh, yeah." She shut the door and walked around to the back of the car, where Miley popped the trunk so Lilly could get her suitcase out. She was leaving the presents with Miley until later; she didn't want to have to mess with trying to carry them all in right now. Lilly slammed the trunk shut harder than was strictly necessary, then sighed. This was not going to be easy if she let herself get upset before she even saw her mother. She waved to Miley and walked up the driveway, knowing Miley wasn't going to leave until she saw that Lilly was safely inside.

It was strange, but sometimes Lilly thought knocking on her own front door was what made her feel most like this was a different world than the one she'd grown up in. Not that she didn't have a key, but it would have felt weird using it with the way things stood now.

The door swung open in response to her knock to reveal the slim form of her mother. A flour-stained Kiss the Cook apron was tied on over her clothes, a mismatched pair of sweats that had long been her mother's choice when doing work around the house. Her blonde hair had recently been cut short around her ears, and her reading glasses glinted with reflected light as she looked down at her slightly shorter daughter. "Lillian! We weren't expecting you for another hour, I'm so glad you're here."

"Hey, mom. You're cooking already?" They gave each other an awkward hug, only touching at the shoulders so none of the flour would rub off on Lilly's clothes.

"Oh, you know, just getting a head start on the sugar cookies." Catching sight of Miley backing the car out of the driveway, she frowned in disapproval. "I don't know why you won't just get your own car, Lilly."

"Because I don't need one, mom," Lilly said, in what she knew was a futile attempt to head her mother off at the pass. This had to be a new record; she hadn't even made it through the door yet.

"You know your father and I would be happy to help you," her mother continued, oblivious. "I just don't like you being so dependent on that girl." Her tone on the last two words suggested that Miley was something she'd found on the bottom of her shoe and was now trying very hard to scrape off.

Lilly cast a glance over her shoulder, wondering if it was too late to run after Miley and go to the Stewarts' instead. Then she followed her mother into the house, pulling the door shut behind her. It was going to be a _long_ Christmas.

———————————————

Tensions were running high. This was the tie-breaking game, and Jackson had just sunk Miley's third battleship. Miley was rolling one of the little red hit markers between her fingers, thinking through her strategy, when her cell phone went off and broke the tableau.

Miley shrugged and smiled apologetically at Jackson, who just raised his hands in a what-can-you-do? gesture and pulled out his own cell phone to call Sarah. Miley hit the accept button on the screen, smiling a little at the picture of Lilly that popped up every time she called.

A loud wail of frustration made Miley hold the phone out from her head and Jackson raise an eyebrow. When the scream tapered off, she cautiously brought the phone back to her ear. "So," she drawled innocently, "how's the family?" Jackson snorted softly and went back to his conversation.

"God, Miley, I haven't even been here three hours yet and she's already driving me crazy! How am I supposed to survive three _days_ of this?"

"She didn't take it well?" Miley asked sympathetically.

"I haven't even told her yet! I don't even know if I _can_. How am I supposed to tell her, tell them that..." She made a noise of frustration. "I just...I'm starting to think I just should have left things alone and never tried to get back in touch with them."

"Lilly, no," Miley said, feeling sick. This was all her fault. "You don't mean that."

"No, I don't, but – " Lilly grunted in anger. "Why does it have to be so _hard?_"

"What about your dad and Ben?"

"They're fine," Lilly said. "They've been watching football since I got here and I've been trapped in the kitchen helping mom make sugar cookies. It didn't help that I burned three pans, and – " She broke off and murmured something Miley couldn't hear. Then her voice came back loud and clear. "Hey, Ben just came in, I think I'm going to try to talk to him, okay? I'll call you back later and let you know how it goes."

"Okay," Miley said. "Good luck. And, Lilly? I know Ben's there, so you don't have to say it back, but I love you."

There was a long moment of quiet on the other end of the phone. Then, "I love you, too."

Bemused, Miley hit the end button and stared at the phone in her hand.

———————————————

Lilly sat on her childhood bed, still clutching her cell phone. The bed springs creaked as Ben sat down next to her. "So what did you want to talk to me about?" he asked. "And who was that?"

"That's what I want to talk about," Lilly said, tilting her head at the phone. "And it was Miley." She sucked in a breath and held it, waiting to see how he'd react.

"Oh," Ben said. He took a minute to digest the news. "I'm guessing you didn't mean you love her like a sister. Or a friend."

Lilly pursed her lips. "No."

Ben whistled, low and long. "Wow. I didn't know you, uh – "

"Yeah, well..." Lilly shrugged. What was there to say about that, really?

"And it's serious?" Lilly nodded. "Figures. It seems like it always is with you and her."

"Yeah," Lilly said, running a hand through her hair. Her relationship with Miley was so complicated she couldn't even begin to fathom how to explain it to someone else.

"But she makes you happy?" Ben asked.

"You have no idea," Lilly answered, unaware of just how much emotion was showing on her face as she did.

Ben laughed at her. "Man, you have got it ba-a-a-a-d, _Lillian_."

She swatted at his shoulder with the back of her hand. "Shut up, _Benjamin_," she retorted, laughing too. Neither of them like being called by their full names.

"You know mom's going to flip the fuck out," Ben said, sobering.

Groaning, Lilly flopped back on the bed. "Don't I know it."

"Aw, buck up, there, lil' camper." He grabbed her arm and pulled her back up into a sitting position. "You want my advice?" Lilly nodded and slumped against him, resting her head on his shoulder. "Tell them together. Because if you tell dad first and mom finds out she was the last to know..." He let the sentence trail off ominously.

"God, you're right," Lilly winced. "I didn't even think of that. Thanks, Benji." The last time she'd called him that she'd been about ten and he'd punched her because he thought it made him sound like a baby.

Evidently he still didn't like the nickname, since he stuck a hand in her hair and ruffled it up into a mess in revenge. Lilly straightened and slapped his hand away. "Anything for my favorite sister," he said sarcastically.

"I'm your _only_ sister, doofus."

"Dorkwad."

"Hey, do you think there's any chance mom will be so distracted by the fact that I'm dating a girl she won't notice it's Miley?" Lilly asked hopefully.

Ben laughed. "In your dreams, nerd breath."

"Buttbrain."

———————————————

Cutlery clattering on plates and serving dishes provided the only sounds at dinner. They'd gone through the weather, her classes, Ben's classes, and what little her parents would say about politics before they'd even finished passing the chicken around. Judging by how strained the air had gotten, Lilly guessed her dad was about ten seconds away from breaking out the sports talk.

"So, Lilly," her mother said. "You'll be coming down for your birthday, won't you? We hardly ever get to see you anymore."

Maybe that's because every time you see me you spend it insulting the person I love most in the world, Lilly thought. "Actually," she said, twisting the cloth napkin in her hands. If only her father had been a little faster bringing up the Packers game. "I think I'll be staying in Seattle. Miley and I have plans."

That wasn't _entirely_ true; it was more like she had plans and she was going to use the fact that it was her birthday to guilt Miley into them. There was more than one way to skin a cat. Or get a singer on a stage, as the case may be.

Her mother's fork clanked against the plate with a dull thud as she set it down and her lips pressed together. "You know how I feel about that girl, Lillian."

"She's not 'that girl', mom. She has a name."

"I just don't see why you feel the need to spend so much time in her company," her mother sniffed.

"Because..." Lilly took a deep breath. A sideways look from the corner of her eye showed Ben nodding the tiniest bit in support. Now or never. "Because I love her. We're seeing each other, and...I'm in love with her."

There was absolute, total silence. Lilly risked a glance at her father, who smiled at her. A small smile, but it was there, which was a relief. One less thing to worry about, not that she'd really doubted his reaction. Bracing herself mentally, she prepared for the onslaught from her mother that was surely –

"That's fine," her mother said calmly. She picked up her fork and ate a broccoli floret as though Lilly had just announced that it was going to rain tomorrow.

"That's – that's fine?" Lilly asked, stunned. Her father and brother appeared equally confused at her mother's reaction.

"Of course it is, dear."

"I – you've spent the past three years trashing Miley every chance you get, and now I tell you I'm dating her, and that's fine? How is that fine?"

Her mother set her fork down again and looked at Lilly, pinning her with a cold glare. "Because this way, once you break up maybe you'll come to your senses and finally be rid of her."

Lilly's mouth gaped open like a fish out of water. "Mom," she managed after a minute of pure shock. "We are not going to break up."

"Of course you will, Lillian. You can't expect me to believe you've been dating her for the past three years, can you? When did this start?"

"Thanksgiving." Lilly almost choked on the word.

"There, you see?" Apparently, her mother thought that settled the matter. "This is a new thing, and I'm sure you think you love her, but soon enough you'll be wondering what you ever saw in her."

Lilly's face flushed brick red in anger. "Now, Lilly," her dad said, trying to placate her.

"Dad, Ben," Lilly said tightly. "I need to talk to mom alone for a minute." Neither of them moved. "Now." Two chairs scraped back against the hardwood floor as her dad and brother vacated the dining room.

"Lilly," her mother said, looking surprised that Lilly was at all upset.

"No," Lilly interrupted. She stood and threw her napkin on the table. She was shaking all over, fear and anger mixed up, so strong it made her throat ache and her vision start to swim, but she wasn't going to let that stop her. Not now, not anymore.

"No," she said again. "I'm done. No more of your crap, I've sat here and taken it long enough and you are going to listen to me now. I love Miley. I'm not breaking up with her. She's not breaking up with me. Ever. It's not going to happen." One hand went up as her mother opened her mouth to say something. "No. And you know what? Even if it _did_, even if we someday decide we don't want to be together like that, I can _guarantee_ you that Miley will still be a part of my life. She's not going anywhere, and you're not ever going to insult her in my presence again. I'm done with that, do you understand me?"

"But she's such a bad influence on you, Lillian."

Lilly dropped back into her chair, her knees giving out. One leg jittered up and down under the table: a reaction to nerves that were still running wild. "I really have no idea why you'd think that, mom. In the past three years I've been friends with Miley, what have I done? I finally finished high school, I'm going to college. How exactly is she a bad influence?"

"Because she takes you away from us!" her mother said sharply. "You met this girl, and not six months later you suddenly have all this money, millions of dollars, and you drop out of school, you move out, we don't hear from you for almost a _year_, Lilly, do you know how worried I was? How worried we all were? Your father got an ulcer, for god's sake. And then you come back, saying it was all a mistake, you're sorry, and what do you do?"

Heather paused to take a breath but continued before Lilly could get a word in. "You don't move back home, no, you move in with her, and we never knew when we'd see you, and now you've followed her to Seattle and we see you even less. Not to mention the fact that she's paying your way through school and you won't take a dime from me or your father. So forgive me if I'm not overly fond of the woman who keeps taking my daughter away! Forgive me if I don't care for the girl who made you cut off all contact with your family and god knows may very well decide to do so again!"

"Mom," Lilly said. She breathed in, then out, tried to speak calmly. "Mom, when I left, that wasn't Miley's fault. You know that, I've told you that. Miley would _never_...I was a different person back then. I can't explain it any better than that, and I know it sucks, but you have to trust me when I say none of it was Miley's fault. And what I can tell you is that I'm not going to disappear again, not as long as I'm welcome here."

"What's that supposed to mean?" her mother demanded. "You know you're always welcome here."

"No." Hair swayed back and forth under her chin as Lilly shook her head. "I'm not welcome anywhere Miley isn't."

"So you're saying that you'd choose her over your own family? That's exactly what I – "

Lilly sighed. All of her nerves and anger drained away and she just felt defeated. "I'm asking you not to make me choose. That's all I've ever asked." Her mother didn't answer and wouldn't meet her eyes. After a minute, Lilly stood and pushed her chair under the table. "Fine. I think it's best if I stay at the Stewarts' for now." She started for the door to the kitchen. More than likely, she was reinforcing her mother's paranoia by leaving, but she couldn't take any more of this. She needed Miley.

"I'm just afraid we'll lose you again, Lilly," her mother said from behind her.

Lilly pushed open the door. "That's up to you this time, mom," she said, stepping through and letting the door swing shut behind her.

———————————————

"And then I just left," Lilly said, finishing relating to Miley the story of how she'd turned up in tears at the Stewarts' doorstep at nine o'clock at night. Miley had pulled her upstairs to her room without a word and wrapped her in a bear hug until she stopped crying enough to talk. They'd sat side-by-side on the bed while the whole ordeal poured out of Lilly, Miley's arm a comforting weight around her shoulders. "I didn't even stop to grab my stuff. I don't have pajamas, or a toothbrush, or – "

"Don't worry about that. You can borrow from me." A tissue that was already sopping wet started to come apart in Lilly's hand as she used it to wipe at the moisture still on her face. Miley reached for the tissue box and handed her a new one, then rubbed Lilly's back lightly. "We'll just get a good night's sleep and – "

"She just makes me so angry!" Lilly broke in, not done venting. "I don't understand how you can sit here and listen to all the horrible things she's said about you and not get angry."

Miley shrugged uneasily and looked away. Lilly's eyes narrowed. "I don't believe it," she said. "You feel guilty! Miley Stewart, after all this time, you actually still feel guilty about what happened. You're not angry because you think she's _right_, it was your fault."

"Lilly – " The sound of Lilly's cell phone cut through the air and Lilly could see relief written all over Miley's face.

"Don't think we're done talking about this," Lilly warned, pulling out her cell phone.

"You didn't bring your toothbrush, but you brought your cell phone?" Miley asked, clearly trying to change the subject.

"It was in my pocket," Lilly said. "In case you called."

"Aww," Miley teased. "That's so sweet."

"Shut up," Lilly mumbled. She shoved at Miley. "Where's _your_ cell phone?"

Shamefaced, Miley pulled it out of her pocket. "That's what I thought," Lilly smirked. She hit the accept button right before the call went to voicemail. "Hello? Ben?"

"Lilly, you've got to come back," her brother said over the phone.

"Ben, I don't know – "

"No, seriously, Lilly, mom's freaking out because she thinks you're never coming back, and dad's freaking out because you left without talking to him – " Darn. Lilly screwed up her face. Leaving like that hadn't been what she wanted, especially not without saying anything to her dad, she'd just been so frustrated and pissed off she couldn't take another second in that house. " – You can't keep running away from her, Lilly. Or she's never going to stop believing you won't do it for good one day. You have to come back, at least for tonight."

"I – " Hesitating, Lilly looked over at Miley. Ben was right, but she was reluctant to leave Miley and the calming effect the other girl had on her. "Can I bring Miley with me?"

"...I don't think that would be the best idea, Lilly."

"Yeah, probably not." A headache was forming behind Lilly's eyes and she rubbed a hand on her forehead. "All right, give me twenty minutes." The phone chimed as she disconnected the call. Miley looked at her questioningly. "I have to go back over there."

"It only takes five minutes to walk to your house from here," Miley pointed out.

"I know. Hold me until I have to leave?" Lilly asked softly. Arms gathered her close in answer.

———————————————

You can do this, Lilly told herself. She paced back and forth in front of the door to her house. If only she'd listened to Miley and let the other girl walk her over here. But she knew that if she had she wouldn't have been able to let go of Miley, and she was trying to minimize the drama quotient for the rest of the night. Showing up with Miley in tow would not have helped.

Finally working up the nerve, she rapped once on the door. There wasn't time to knock again before it flew open. Ben's worried face stared out at her. Behind him, she could hear her parents' voices, her mother's, rising high and shrill, and her father's, a low, comforting rumble underneath.

"Thank god," Ben said. "What the hell took you so long?"

"Like I was in a hurry to get back to this," Lilly snapped. She pushed past him and headed for the living room. Now that she was here, she wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

Both of her parents stopped speaking as soon as she entered the room, and Lilly came to an abrupt halt that made Ben bump into her back. An awkward, painful silence engulfed the room.

"There, you see?" her father said at last, directing his words to her mother. "I told you she'd be back."

Her mother crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm going to bed," she announced. She turned on her heel and marched out of the room.

What the hell? Lilly thought. "What the _hell?_" Lilly said. "Dad, I came back over here because of her, and she just – "

"I know, Lilly," Alan said. "But your mother may be right." Lilly shot him a you've-_got_-to-be-kidding-me look. "In this instance," he added hastily. "It's getting late, we're all tired, and we're all a little emotional. It might be better if we take some time to cool down and get some rest so that you and your mother can try to discuss this calmly."

As much as Lilly wanted to point out all the things wrong with what her father had just said – going on ten o'clock was not late, for instance, at least not to anyone who wasn't an accountant, and she was more than a little emotional, and there was about a snowball's chance in an L.A. summer that she and her mother would ever have a calm discussion about this particular issue – he was right about one thing. She was tired. A deep, bone tired, like the events of the evening so far had sapped energy from her very core.

"Besides," her father continued, "just the fact that you came back, it helps a lot, Lilly. I know she didn't show it – " Lilly huffed in agreement. " – but it meant a lot to her. And I really think things will be better in the morning."

"Maybe," Lilly allowed, not believing it for a second.

"Sounds good to me," Ben mumbled over her shoulder. He looked pathetically grateful at the idea of escaping to his room and not having to deal with anything else tonight and Lilly felt sorry for him. Ben wasn't the sort who enjoyed discussing emotions at the best of times; he, like her father, preferred to just brush things under the rug and carry on as usual no matter what had happened. This couldn't be the Christmas vacation he'd been envisioning.

Ben hugged her quickly and then crossed the room, doing the same to their father. "Night," he said, already on his way upstairs. They called their goodnights after him.

"Come give your poor old father a hug," Alan instructed. Only too happy to obey, Lilly walked over and squeezed him tightly. He hugged back just as hard, until she had to tap him on the back to let him know she couldn't breathe. "I've missed you, Lillygoat," he said when he released her.

"I missed you too, daddy. I'm sorry about all this."

"Nah," he said. "You weren't arguing with yourself, were you?" She shook her head. "So you aren't entirely to blame."

"I know, dad, but – "

"But we can talk about this more in the morning." He pecked a kiss on her forehead. "I can tell you're tired, just try to get some sleep now, all right?"

"I will," Lilly promised. She hugged him again. "Night, dad."

"Goodnight. And Lilly?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you've found someone you'll fight so hard for."

Lilly hugged harder, not caring this time when he hugged back and she couldn't breathe.

———————————————

The sheets were ice cold. It reminded Lilly of the bite the air had now in Seattle, except that it nipped at her legs instead of the tips of her ears. Miley always sucked the cold in, breathing deep, saying, doesn't that make you feel alive? Lilly just thought it made her nose run.

She missed Miley. Lilly twisted around in bed, thrashing her legs in an attempt to warm up the sheets. It took a lot longer with only one person in the bed.

This was the first night they'd been apart since the camping trip.

The realization poked at her so that she couldn't find a comfortable position until she'd gotten up and retrieved her cell phone. Sharp tugging pulled the blankets loose from the hospital corners her father insisted on, and Lilly wound them and the comforter around her like a cocoon.

The line only rang once before Miley answered. "Hey." Miley had an amazing voice. Everyone knew that. But the way she could put so much love and affection into a single syllable would never cease to astound Lilly.

"Hey. I miss you."

"Oh, really?" There was a rustling on the other end of line, and then faint footsteps; probably Miley leaving the living room and going upstairs so she could talk privately. Lilly thought briefly that she should feel guilty for interrupting Miley's night with her family yet again, but she couldn't drum up the energy. "Well, that's strange, because I don't miss you at all."

"Liar," Lilly accused, affection thick in her own voice. "I'm cold."

Warm laughter poured down the line. "Oh, come on, now, we're in Malibu. You don't get to complain about the cold anymore."

"It's not my fault my bed is all cold and lonely without you in it."

"You're in bed already?" Miley questioned. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"I don't know," Lilly said. "Both. Or neither. I have no idea. All I know is as soon as my mom saw me, she said she was going to bed and marched out of the room. Then the rest of us just kind of scattered. I guess she was too tired to fight anymore tonight, which is good, because I am too. So maybe it's a good thing. I don't know, I'm too tired to think it through and figure it out."

"What're you doing talking to me if you're so tired, ya dork? Go to sleep, I know you're worn out. It hasn't been an easy night."

"Understatement of the year," Lilly muttered, and Miley chuckled. Cradling the phone to her ear, Lilly wriggled around until she was curled up on her side. "You know, this is the first night – "

"I know," Miley said.

"I love you."

"I love you, too." They listened to each other breathe until Lilly yawned hugely. "Go to sleep, frog. You need your rest."

"I will," Lilly said. "Good night."

"Good night."

Neither of them hung up.

"Miley?"

"Yeah?"

"Will you sing for me?" Lilly asked shyly. It was the first time she'd ever asked that.

Miley didn't answer for the longest time, so long that Lilly opened her mouth to take back the request, but then Miley's voice came over the line, low and clear and pure, singing about rivers, and comfort, and never being apart. Lilly fought to stay awake, wanting to hear the song, but against her will her eyes slid shut. Exhaustion overwhelmed her, and she was asleep before the end of the second verse.

———————————————

The next morning, Lilly was up before the sun. The night hadn't been very restful for her. She'd woken up a couple hours after Miley had sung her to sleep and spent the rest of the night tossing and turning, and finally gotten up, reasoning she might as well make the most of her insomnia and take advantage of being in Malibu to get some surfing in. She missed being able to do that whenever she wanted. Stupid Seattle and its stupid seasons. She'd never understand the appeal Miley found in cold weather.

There were noises coming from the kitchen that indicated she wasn't the only one out of bed so early. There was no chance it was her brother, Ben hadn't gotten up before noon unless coerced since he was fifteen. That left fifty-fifty odds on which of her parents it was, but Lilly caught a hint of a familiar smell and decided to risk it.

She was rewarded with the sight of her father pulling a tray of bran muffins out of the oven. It baffled her how both her parents could cook and yet she could barely boil water without setting the kitchen on fire. "Good morning."

Alan set the muffin tin on top of the stove and looked over at her. "Good morning. Planning on surfing?" he asked, seeing that she was dressed in board shorts and a rash guard.

"Yeah," Lilly answered. "I figured I'd get out there early, and maybe since all the school kids are on vacation they'll be sleeping in and I won't have to deal with too many of them."

"Want something to eat before you head out?" He put one of the muffins on a dessert plate and held it out to her.

"Thanks, but..."

"Now, Lilly, you're always hungry these days. And they're – "

"Nature's broom," she said with him. Some things never changed. "Maybe just one," she relented. She took the plate from him and put it on the table, then rummaged around in the cabinet for the honey. Experience had taught her that the only way to make a bran muffin edible was to slather it in butter and honey.

Her dad laughed. "I knew you couldn't say no to food. It's so good to be able to call you Lillygoat again."

Lilly couldn't remember a time when he hadn't. She skirted that potential pitfall by keeping quiet and busying herself fixing up the muffin.

Her dad ate his plain, and was halfway done with it by the time Lilly had hers made to her satisfaction and took her first bite. "Lilly, I know this is hard on you," he said tentatively. "But it's hard on your mother as well. I wish you'd look at this from her perspective. She's afraid of losing you, that's all."

The bite in her mouth caught in her throat as she forced it down. "I understand that, dad, but that isn't going to happen. Not unless she keeps tearing into Miley all the time."

"It's hard for her to trust that, Lilly. She doesn't really understand what happened, why you left. To tell you the truth, neither do I." No surprise there, Lilly thought. She still had trouble understanding it herself. "But I know that the person who walked into my office three years ago wanting to give back ten million dollars was not the same person who stormed out a year earlier. It's hard for your mom to see that, though. Harder still for her to trust your assurances about Miley. She blames her for you leaving."

"But Miley had nothing to do with it!" Lilly protested.

"Maybe not," Alan agreed. "Maybe not directly. But she provided the means for you to do it, and your mother hasn't forgiven her for that. And even now, Miley is paying your way through school and all of your living expenses. Your mother feels like you don't need us."

"Of course I need you," Lilly said. "You're my parents, I'll always need you."

"I know that, honey," he said. "But your mother misses being your mother. She misses doing things for you. You don't let us do that anymore. You won't take anything from us, you barely even accept birthday and Christmas presents."

"I – " He had a point. "I guess I just always felt like if I took things from you, from mom, especially money, that...it would come with strings attached."

Her father shook his head. "No strings, Lilly. I think you made it pretty clear last night, even to your mother, that you won't be bound by us. But parents like to do things for their children. Let us do something for you. It would mean so much to her, and I think it would help her to see you aren't so set on relying only on Miley."

Lilly shifted in her chair and took another bite of her muffin. She'd never thought about it like that before. "Okay," she said slowly. "How about this? What if you guys pay for the rest of my undergraduate degree, and Miley and I will handle law school?"

Her dad's eyes grew two sizes. "You're going to go to law school?"

"I'm thinking about it."

"That's wonderful, Lilly! Your mom will be so pleased. And, certainly, if that's what you decide, we'll let you and Miley handle the bill for that. Law school these days..." He mock-shuddered and Lilly laughed. She stuffed the rest of the muffin in her mouth, feeling better than she had in days. Maybe this would all work out after all.

"And, Lilly," her dad added, "I think it would help if your mom could meet Miley, and see what she's like." He held up a hand as Lilly started to speak through her full mouth. "Not right away, of course, give her some time to get used to the idea. But she's been demonizing Miley for a long time now, and that'll be harder for her to do if she sees Miley as a real person, especially the kind of person who's good enough for my little girl to fall in love with. And I certainly want to meet her as well, just to make sure she _is_ good enough for my little girl."

Blushing, Lilly swallowed the muffin and rolled her eyes at him. "Maybe in a couple days, before we leave?" she suggested.

"That would be good, if Miley isn't too busy. But now you need to get out to the beach before you miss all the waves. Go on, I've kept you long enough."

She kissed him goodbye on the top of his balding head and went.

———————————————

The waves were decent, five to eight foot swells rolling in regularly. They weren't going to be a challenge, but after last night Lilly wasn't sure she'd be up to one, plus she hadn't been on a surfboard since August. There were only three other people out this early, all boys looking like they'd rolled out of bed and straight into the water. They'd probably slept in their bathing suits to save time, Lilly thought, chuckling to herself.

The oldest of them still looked a good four or five years younger than she was, and they ignored her until they saw she really could surf, then paddled over and introduced themselves: Sam, Kyle, Joel. And she'd been right; Sam, with a curly mop of blonde hair and grass-green eyes, was the oldest at fifteen. Joel and Kyle trailed behind him at fourteen, but they'd all been surfing almost since they could walk, and Lilly was surprised she'd never run into them before she and Miley had moved to Seattle. Then again, she'd usually surfed up the beach a ways, closer to the Stewarts' house.

They surfed for just over an hour, trading off waves while the sky lightened above them, purple shading into pink. Swarms of people, most of them carrying surfboards, started to descend on the beach as the color in the sky leached out to a light blue. Lilly watched them mill about and shout greetings to each other, and once the first bunch of them got organized enough to take to the water, she paddled out a bit from the boys and started looking for a wave.

"Last one for me, boys," she called to them. A promising swell appeared, racing towards her, and Lilly was so focused on it she almost didn't hear their groans of disappointment or Kyle asking if she'd be back the next morning. "Probably," she yelled over her shoulder just before the wave was on her. "I'll be here til New Year's."

The wave was a good one that carried her past the advancing line of newcomers – they dove out of her way, hooting encouragement – and almost to shore. The tail end of the board drooped down as she left the water and carried it across the beach tucked under her arm.

"There's my little amphibian," a familiar voice drawled off to her right. "Toldja that nickname suited you." Miley. Lilly whipped her head around.

The surfboard landed forgotten on the sand as Lilly made a mad dash for her girlfriend. Heedless of the fact that she was dripping wet, Lilly hugged Miley so hard Miley oomphed as all the air was squeezed out of her. Lilly pulled back just enough to press her lips to Miley's, pulling her into a deep kiss, drinking her in. It felt like they'd been apart for so much longer than one night.

"Wow," Miley said when they finally broke apart. "If that's the hello I'm going to get, maybe we should start spending more nights away from each other."

"No, thanks," Lilly said. It suddenly occurred to her that they were standing in the middle of a very public beach and she dropped her face down to hide against Miley's shoulder. "So, um, exactly how many surfers fell off their boards watching that little display we just put on?"

"Uh..." Miley rested her chin on the top of Lilly's head. "All of them? And it looks like everyone on the beach is kinda staring at us, too." Lilly whimpered. Miley had her arms wrapped around Lilly and gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Don't worry about it," she said easily. "They'll find other things to occupy their interest once they realize we aren't going to strip down and start having sex right here."

Lilly turned her head a fraction of an inch so that she had access to the bare skin of Miley's neck. "Don't tempt me," she said, and licked.

A low growl rumbled through Miley's chest. "Now, don't be startin' nuthin' you ain't prepared to finish, Miss Truscott," she murmured into Lilly's ear. Lilly shivered. How in the heck Miley managed to make a Southern accent sexy, she'd never know.

"Yes, ma'am," she squeaked. People were probably still staring, but Lilly didn't care. She needed this time to hold Miley, and have Miley hold her. "Thank you for the song last night," she said quietly. "I loved it, although I didn't get to hear too much of it. I fell asleep too fast."

"You probably heard about all there is," Miley told her. "I can't seem to finish that one."

"Why not?"

Miley shrugged. "Don't know who it's for yet. It's just one of those that's gonna take a while before it comes." She rocked them back and forth a little, her nose buried in Lilly's hair. "My Lilly-smell," she said happily. "I need to find a way to bottle that."

"You're such a freak," Lilly told her. Something hard was digging into her back, and she reached an arm behind her, feeling down the length of Miley's arm until her questing hand closed around the cool metal form of a Thermos Miley was holding. "No, forget that," she said, letting go of Miley completely and grabbing the Thermos. "You're a goddess. Does this have coffee in it?" While she hadn't turned into as much of a java junkie as Miley, Lilly wasn't about to say no to a cup or three after the night she'd had.

"Just who do you think you're talking to?" Miley asked, looking slightly offended. "Do you actually think I'd be up walking around at the crack of dawn without copious amounts of coffee on my person?"

Plopping herself down in the sand, Lilly twisted off the Thermos top and stared up at her. "Just what_ are_ you doing up so early, anyway? Not that I'm complaining." Miley settled herself more gracefully in the sand beside Lilly. Glancing around, Lilly saw that Miley had been right and all around them the normal early-morning beach activities had resumed. Apparently two girls having coffee wasn't quite the spectacle two girls making out was.

"I just had a hunch you'd be out here," Miley said. "And I didn't know when else I'd get to see you today, so..."

"I love you." Lilly poured the Thermos lid full of coffee and took a sip before handing it to Miley. Familiar sparks tingled along her nerves when Miley took it from her and their fingers brushed. "Aw, and you even put sugar in it for me." It was quite the sacrifice, since Miley insisted that black was the only proper way to drink coffee. "I have the best girlfriend ever. No wonder everyone was staring."

Miley sipped the coffee and handed the cup back. "I, uh, hate to point this out to you, darlin'," she said, "but they weren't staring at _me_."

"Knock it off," Lilly scoffed, nudging Miley with her shoulder.

"Knock nothing," Miley said stoutly. "Here I am in track pants and an old t-shirt, no make-up, hell, I barely ran a brush through my hair when I got up, and then there you are, coming out of the ocean with water streaming off you, looking like the Birth of Venus in a wetsuit. Now who would_ you_ be focusing on in that scenario?"

"Miley," said Lilly sincerely, "if you're there, then as far as I'm concerned no one else is even _in_ the scenario."

Miley regarded her with glowing eyes that said plainer than words how much Lilly was loved, from the top of her head to the ends of her sand-encrusted toes. "Now you've done it," Miley said, eyes still twinkling, voice heavy with fake disappointment. "You went and stole the Best Girlfriend Ever title right out from under me."

Lilly scooted over until her side was pressed up against Miley's so that not even a grain of sand could fit between them. She took a tiny sip of coffee and passed the cup back over, watching as Miley did the same. They'd long since drained the Thermos dry before they could force themselves to leave the beach and go their separate ways.

———————————————

The day passed faster and more peacefully than Lilly thought she had any right to expect. Her mother seemed to be taking a page from her father and Ben's book, puttering around in the kitchen for most of the day acting like nothing had happened the day before. It made Lilly a little nervous, and she walked around all day with the hair on the back of her neck prickling, expecting an ambush. But she was willing enough to go along. This fight had been three years in the making; it wasn't going to be settled in a day.

Lilly spent most of her time in the living room with her father and brother as they flipped back and forth between a seemingly endless round of basketball games that she grew bored of long before they did. Not that Lilly didn't like basketball, but the surfing session and the coffee had filled her with a restless energy that had no outlet on the couch.

When Ben and her dad were arguing over a foul during the Hawks-Pistons game, Lilly snuck outside to call Miley. She jogged up and down the driveway, working off some of her tension, while they worked out a plan for Miley coming to dinner the day after Christmas. Originally, Lilly had told her parents that she was going back to Seattle on the twenty-sixth, though she was actually just going to move over to the Stewarts'. Classes didn't start back until January sixth, and neither she nor Miley were in any rush to get back to Seattle ahead of that date, but Lilly hadn't thought she could take more than three days at her parents' house.

Now they decided they'd simply postpone their "departure" by a few days and let Lilly's parents think they were leaving on the twenty-eighth. Even if her mother did a complete one-eighty with regard to Miley, Lilly had absolutely no intention of remaining at her parents' place for so long, not with its cold, lonely bed. And she had no desire to open up another can of worms by telling them she was staying in town but not with them.

Dinner went better than it had the night before, and after dinner her father brought out the old, beat-up Monopoly set that Ben had gotten for his sixth birthday. Her dad was the banker, naturally, and other than a brief but intense argument between Lilly and Ben over who got to be the wheelbarrow, which Lilly lost on account of it technically being Ben's game, the game went smoothly. It also went long – it was after eleven-thirty when their mother finally won, and the other three left Ben cleaning up the board, which he had to do since he'd gotten the wheelbarrow, and went straight to bed.

Lilly had just climbed into bed and was miserably shivering the sheets warm when she heard the knock on her door. "Come in," she called, shoving her cell phone under her pillow to hide it.

Her mother pushed the door open hesitantly and stepped into the room. Ignoring the sinking feeling in her stomach, Lilly tried to smile at her. "I haven't come to fight, Lilly," Heather said, so maybe Lilly wasn't as successful as she'd hoped. Lilly waited in silence while her mother crossed the room and sat on the bed. She wasn't willing to risk opening her mouth and somehow saying the wrong thing.

"When did you get so grown-up?" her mom asked. Her hand came up partway and stopped, hovering in the air between them. Lilly ducked her head and then her mother's hand was on her face, cupping her cheek, familiar as Lilly's own. "Sometimes I think you're older than Ben. Sometimes...I look at you, and I wonder what you've done to that tiny baby I brought home from the hospital just yesterday. And I know, I know, all mothers feel this way, but it's different with you. You're still so young, but sometimes..." She shook her head like she couldn't find the words she needed. "Your eyes look so old. And I don't know what happened to make you that way. It scares me, Lilly. It's like I don't know who you are anymore. Like I haven't for a long time."

For the first time, Lilly was seized with the desire to tell someone the truth, to tell her mother everything. She wanted to sit in her mother's lap and cry everything out, the unfairness of it all, and have her mother hold her and rock her and tell her everything was going to be all right. She wanted it so badly her chest ached.

Don't be stupid, Lilly thought. Do you want to end up in a mental institution? Ruthlessly, she shoved the feeling down and looked up, taking her mother's hand from her cheek and holding it in both of hers on her lap. "I had to grow up fast," she said.

"Why?" Heather asked.

"Miley needed me." Her mom nodded once, accepting that answer as if she'd been expecting it, and maybe by now she had. Lilly wanted to say more. It was on the tip of her tongue to tell her mother that she wouldn't have come back at all if not for Miley, but she honestly didn't know if that would make her mom resent Miley less or more.

"Your father talked to me. He said she's coming for dinner after Christmas?"

"Yeah. He thought it would be a good idea."

"Maybe it will be." Heather put her other hand over Lilly's, holding them tight for a moment, then pulled away and stood. "Good night, Lilly." She kissed Lilly on the forehead and started for the door.

"Good night. And mom?" Her mother turned halfway in the doorway. "I'm not going anywhere, not again. And I really want you to be a part of my life. I miss talking to you, the way we used to."

"I miss it, too, honey." The smile on her mother's face was small, but definitely there. Progress. "Now sleep well. I love you."

"I love you, too, mom." It felt like a great weight had been lifted off her chest and Lilly relaxed, smiling up at the ceiling for several moments before her hand found her cell phone under the pillow and pulled up Miley's number.

———————————————

Christmas Eve morning found Lilly out on the water again. The Heroic Trio, as Lilly had started to think of them, were already there, and they hollered good mornings at her when she kicked out to them, pushing her surfboard ahead of her. Sam was gone chasing a wave almost as soon as she arrived, but Joel and Kyle both sat astride their boards regarding her with something close to awe.

Joel spoke first. "So is that chick from yesterday, like, your girlfriend or something?"

Lilly almost coughed up a lung. "Like, totally," she said after she'd recovered.

"I told you, man," Kyle said, leaning over to punch Joel's shoulder, water glistening on his dark brown skin.

"Lucky," Joel opined.

"Dude, you can't just say something like that to a girl," Kyle told him.

"Dude, it's not a _girl_, it's _Lilly_," Joel defended himself. Kyle shook his head like he couldn't believe how stupid his friend was, and Joel's mouth formed a perfect O when he realized what he'd said. "I mean – "

Lilly laughed. "It's okay, Joel, I know what you meant." Years of hanging around guys in the water and at the skatepark had desensitized her to comments like that."And I certainly think I am lucky." She couldn't wait to tell Miley she was being lusted after by a fourteen-year-old.

"Dude," said Joel. "I meant _her_."

They'd gotten here first, and she knew she should let Kyle and Joel go ahead of her, but Lilly back-paddled around them to catch the next wave anyway. She was going to hurt Joel's feelings if she burst out laughing at him, and she didn't want that. This was going to make an even better story. Lilly pushed down on the board and stood, dropping into the wave. The surfboard was steady under her feet, it was a perfect southern California morning, the wind was in her face, and she was skimming over the water so fast it felt almost like flying.

Miley was waiting for her on the beach when she finally had enough an hour and a half later. Mindful of what had happened yesterday morning and aware that people were sneaking looks in their direction, Lilly only gave Miley a brief kiss despite the challenging gleam in Miley's eyes. That girl was going to be the death of her one day.

"You've got some competition, my dear," she informed Miley as they seated themselves on the beach towel Miley had brought. A blue-and-white striped one was wrapped around Lilly's shoulders.

"Is that so?"

"Oh, yeah. Joel's got a crush on me."

"Well, why don't you just point this Joel out to me next time he's within spittin' distance? I'd like to, uh – " She cracked her knuckles and narrowed her eyes menacingly. " – have a little chat with the boy."

"Sure, sure," Lilly said. "Just go easy on him, okay? He's only fourteen."

Miley sniffed. "Maybe he shoulda thought about that before he put the moves on my woman." Giving up the pretence, Lilly dissolved into giggles. "Hey," Miley protested. "I was serious!" Lilly reached over and tickled her ribs until she gave in and laughed too.

"Are you ready for tonight?" Lilly asked when they'd calmed down. The entire Stewart family was going to be dining at Sarah's parents' house for Christmas Eve dinner.

"Don't remind me," Miley groaned. "It's bad enough we're having tofurkey again for Christmas dinner, who knows what we'll be eating tonight."

"They're vegans, Miley, not aliens."

"Yeah, yeah. You're only saying that because you don't have to go." The reminder that they'd be spending another few days apart sobered both of them. Lilly linked their hands together. They stared out at the water going back and back until finally it met the sky. Miley said, "Three days is a really long time."

———————————————

**Ha, I love how Lilly and her parents fight over who **_**gets**_** to pay for her education. Wish I had that problem.**

**The next chapter will actually be up Thursday, because I have a short little Halloween oneshot that I want to put up on Friday. So, I don't know, look for that or something.**


	6. Stare You Down

**Now that Tinkerbell's out, I'm really interested to see how this Disney Fairies thing works out for Disney. I've been following its development and implementation for almost a year now, and I'm curious to see if the platform integration works the way they're hoping, especially with the Clickables. I almost wrote about the whole thing in a paper last term, but then I ended up talking about Hannah Montana for three pages and ran out of room, so obviously the fairies had to be cut. Priorities, people. Gotta have 'em.**

**xburningbrightx: Haha, sorry that extra day normally kills you! I'd change the schedule, but then I think I'd go crazy. Thanks for the reviews.**

**mileymadness: Do it, do it! I love holiday fic so much it's a little sad. I say screw your workload and write Halloween fic, because that is way more important. Yeah, what was I just saying about priorities? Clearly mine are in order.**

**For any guys reading this: ...I apologize for the flashback.**

———————————————

**Chapter Six: Stare You Down**

———————————————

_I just want to walk along the shore  
for an hour, watch the waves  
rearranging whatever they can.  
I like the way the sea encourages me  
to think about the past,  
as if I could leave it where it is_

- Lawrence Raab, "Faithless"

———————————————

A wounded look was the only response Lilly's mom gave to Lilly's announcement that she was going over to the Stewarts' for a few hours and would be back in time for Christmas dinner. It was supposed to make her feel guilty, but seeing as she'd endured far worse over the past three years whenever she brought up Miley, it had the opposite effect, and she started down the sidewalk whistling a happy little nonsense tune. She had no illusions that dinner with her family and Miley the day after tomorrow would be anything other than strained, but already her mother seemed to be tempering her attitude towards Miley, which gave Lilly hope that dinner wouldn't devolve into another screaming match.

The day was warm and sunny and Lilly enjoyed the fact that she didn't need a jacket. Or an umbrella. It was good to be back in Malibu. She almost skipped across the sandy porch and let herself in the front door. Jackson, sitting on the couch playing what was undoubtedly a new video game, was the only one in sight.

He glanced up at her and then went back to his game. "Miley, Lilly's here!" he yelled over his shoulder.

"Thanks, Jackson," Lilly said dryly. "But, you know, I am capable of announcing myself."

"Uh, whatever," Jackson said, jerking his game controller around wildly. "I'm a little too busy trying to kill the alien overlords to chat right now."

"Well, Merry Christmas to you, too," Lilly said, sarcasm dripping from every word. She lightly smacked the back of his head as she walked behind the couch towards the stairs, ignoring his yelp of protest.

Footsteps pounded overhead and then down the stairs before Lilly could make it all the way across the room. "Hey," Miley said breathlessly as she barreled down the last few steps and straight into Lilly, grabbing her up and spinning them both around to bleed off her momentum. "Merry Christmas!"

"Oof," Lilly grunted. "Merry Christmas. Remind me to get out of the way next time you try that little move."

"Nah, if you'd gotten out of the way I would have gone right out the door, and then I couldn't do this," Miley said, setting Lilly back on her feet and leaning down to kiss her.

"Mmm. In that case, remind me to stay in the way," Lilly said and went in for another kiss.

Lost in the kiss and the feeling of connection that flared up with it, Lilly forgot about Jackson until she heard a very distinctive noise: the electronic shutter sound that meant a digital picture had been taken. She and Miley broke the kiss and stared at each other. "Jackson," Miley said slowly. "That had damn well better not be a picture of me and Lilly." Jackson cackled.

They both immediately went after Jackson without needing to discuss it, Lilly going one way around the couch and Miley going the other. But Jackson was a step ahead of them and leapt over the back of the couch and raced up the stairs. "Jackson, get back here and delete that picture right now!" Miley yelled. They chased him upstairs and in and out of his room, Lilly's, and Miley's, where she screamed at him for running across her unmade bed with his shoes on.

"Well, maybe you shoulda made it this morning then," Jackson taunted her as she scooted out the door and down the hall. "You're twenty years old, you should know how to make a bed by now!"

Miley was after him with renewed vigor for that remark, but he eluded them both and made it downstairs where he escaped out the front door. Lilly came to a stop on the porch next to Miley, who was slumped over with her hands on her knees, breathing heavily. "You know, for a such a short guy, he really can run fast," Lilly said as she watched Jackson's receding form.

"Yeah," Miley wheezed.

Lilly put her hands on her hips. "And _you_ need to get in better shape."

"Hey, leave me alone," Miley said, straightening. "It's Christmas. Anyway, I didn't see you catching him either."

"You also didn't see me running out of breath after three minutes of physical exertion," Lilly admonished. "And Christmas has nothing to do with this."

"Sure it does," Miley argued. "Wanna open presents?"

It was a blatant attempt to change the subject that Lilly only allowed because presents were involved. "Sure. Should we wait for Jackson and your dad, though? Where is your dad?"

"He_ was_ up in his room taking a nap, though I don't see how he could have slept through that." Miley led the way back inside and started to retrieve packages from under the tree, which was set up next to the piano. "And dad and Jackson already opened their presents from you this morning, so I think we can go ahead without them. Open yours first."

Lilly's sat cross-legged on the floor by the tree and surveyed the growing mountain of present Miley was stacking around her. "I think I kinda have to," she said. "Since I've got about a million and you've only got one."

"You don't have a _million_," Miley said. "More like nine hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety-nine." She stuck her tongue out in response to the look Lilly gave her. "Besides, I'm a little suspicious of my present. It's so big."

"Um, yeah, you'd better open yours last," Lilly said. That way if Miley decided to kill her for spending so much Lilly would at least get to see what she'd gotten for Christmas before she died.

Miley sat next to her, their knees touching. "Hurry up, then," she urged, so Lilly started ripping wrapping paper off. She got a nice sweater from Robby Ray – obviously picked out with help from Miley – and Miley showed her the certificate from Jackson and Sarah telling them that money had been donated in their names to the Coalition for Clean Air, which made Lilly laugh since they'd given Jackson and Sarah a similar certificate informing them of a donation to the Surfrider Foundation.

"Good call on what to get them," she told Miley.

"Yeah, Sarah was happy, and I slipped Condemned 4 to Jackson on the side," Miley said. "He'll have to play it while Sarah's in class."

By the time Lilly had finished unwrapping all the packages from Miley, she had a complete set of new skate gear, including two new boards and a year-pass to the indoor skatepark in Seattle. "You haven't really been skating since we moved, so I thought..." Miley shrugged. "I just get worried about you doing work all the time and not having anything to do for fun. And the skatepark is right between campus and our house, so..."

"It's perfect," Lilly told her. "I can't wait to start breaking all this stuff in. And you're right, I do need a stress-reliever, although I have to say you've been doing pretty good in that department." She smirked at Miley.

Miley laughed and leaned over to kiss her. "And I love helpin' ya out with that, frog, but I gotta say sometimes you wear me out."

"I do not!" Lilly exclaimed hotly. "You're the one who – "

"Hey, you forgot one," Miley broke in, smiling when Lilly glared at her. She waved the package in Lilly's face.

"Fine," Lilly said, snatching it out of her hand. She tore the paper off and opened the plain white box. Inside was something that looked like a large, deflated thermos or canteen made out of bright blue heavy-duty rubber.

"It's a hot water bottle," Miley explained. "You fill it up and put it in bed before you go to sleep, and bam! No more cold sheets."

"Miley." Emotion swelled her throat shut and she had to blink rapidly to hold back tears. She couldn't believe Miley had listened to her pointless, endless whining about icy sheets and had actually taken the time and effort to find a way to fix the problem. "_Thank you_."

"It's just a stupid hot water bottle, Lilly," Miley said, rubbing her shoulder. "Don't cry over it."

"It's not stupid," Lilly said. "It's thoughtful and it's perfect and I love it. I love you."

"I love you, too." Miley kissed her forehead. "My turn!"

"Okay, okay, it's your turn," Lilly laughed. "Go for it."

Miley shredded the wrapping paper off the bulky box in one fell swoop. Then she stared at the glossy MacBook Pro picture printed on its side. "Lilly," she said. "Please tell me that what's on the box is not what's in the box."

"Um...," Lilly said. "Don't kill me?"

"You got me a laptop!" Miley yelled. "Lilly, that's _way_ too much!"

"But you need it!" Lilly protested. "The one you have now is like five years old, so you need a new one anyway, and it has GarageBand on it, which you can use now that you're writing music again. So you _really_ need it."

Miley wrapped both hand around the back of Lilly's neck and pulled her in for a kiss. "Thank you. It's too much, but I love it."

"Good." Lilly watched as Miley opened the box and eagerly started ripping off the plastic covering the laptop. "Merry Christmas, Miley."

"Merry Christmas, Lilly." Miley looked over at Lilly and smiled, eyes sparkling and delight plain on her face, and it was hands down the best Christmas Lilly had ever had.

———————————————

Miley took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. Please let Lilly answer, please let Lilly answer, she thought. She was so nervous she felt like throwing up, which wasn't a good thing since she was supposed to be eating dinner over here and she doubted excusing herself in the middle of it to go throw up would win her any points.

But what if Lilly's mom still hated her after tonight? What if Lilly changed her mind and decided she couldn't do this if it meant it would ruin her relationship with her mother again? Or, worse, what if Lilly got so upset about how things were she –

"Hey," Lilly said, opening the door and mercifully derailing Miley's train of thought. She stepped out onto the porch and partially pulled the door shut behind her, stretching up for a second to place a quick kiss on Miley's lips.

"Hey," Miley said. "How's your mom today?"

"Nervous?" Lilly asked sympathetically. Miley nodded. "Don't worry, she's been in a good mood. For her, anyway." Miley grimaced at that. "Dinner's running a little behind, but it should be ready in about an hour. You ready to go in?"

"No."

Grinning, Lilly grabbed her hand. "I don't blame you, but you're going to have to anyway. Sorry, toad."

Lilly's house hadn't changed a bit, despite five years and a universe since the last time Miley had been inside. The hallway walls were still lined with pictures of Lilly and Ben as kids, along with professionally done family portraits, and once they got into the living room, Miley saw that the Christmas tree was still in its place in the corner next to the TV. At her house they always took down the tree and Christmas decorations the day after Christmas – her dad hated having decorations up after the holiday was over – but Lilly's family, she remembered, left theirs up until New Year's.

Lilly's dad and brother were sitting on opposite ends of the couch watching basketball when they entered. "Dad, Ben, this is Miley," Lilly said, a touch awkwardly, and Miley knew why. It was weird being introduced to people you'd already met.

"'Sup," Ben said, barely glancing up at her before going back to the game. Miley and Lilly exchanged an amused look. Same old Ben.

Lilly's dad was a little more enthusiastic about Miley's presence. "Miley, it's so nice to finally meet you," he said, standing and shaking her hand warmly.

"Same here, sir," Miley said. "I – " She cut herself off as the swinging door to the kitchen opened and Lilly's mother stepped through.

"Uh, mom, this is Miley," Lilly said nervously, which didn't help _Miley's_ nerves any.

"Good evening, Mrs. Truscott," Miley said politely, forcing herself to smile. "Thank you for having me over for dinner."

Heather regarded her stonily for a moment, then nodded once before shifting her attention to Lilly. "Lillian, I need your help in the kitchen."

Lilly and Miley shared a helpless look. This was not going well. "Um, I'd be happy to help if you need anything," Miley offered.

Lilly's mom pursed her lips. "No, thank you, Lilly will be fine," she said, which Miley sincerely hoped meant she really didn't need help at all. She loved Lilly dearly, but the girl couldn't cook, and dinner being burnt wouldn't help anything. Lilly followed her mother back into the kitchen, shrugging an apology at Miley for leaving her alone with her dad and brother.

"So, Miley," Alan said, gesturing for her to take a seat on the couch. "Lilly tells me you're from Tennessee?"

Twenty minutes later, the door to the kitchen swung open again and Heather stood framed in the doorway. "I just realized we're out of rolls," she said. "And there are a few other things we need as well, so I'm going to run to the store while Lilly watches what's on the stove." Dinner was going to be burnt for sure. "Would anyone like to go with me?" She looked pointedly at Ben, who gave no indication he'd even heard a word she'd said.

It wasn't something she ever talked about, but Miley had kind of missed Lilly's mom. They hadn't ever been close, and of course it was nothing compared to how much Lilly had missed her own relationship with her mother, but –

_Miley swiped furiously between her legs, then peered at the wadded up toilet paper. It still came away red. She bit her bottom lip, hard, trying not to cry. Now what? The idea of telling her dad – no. She couldn't. Just the thought flushed her cheeks redder than the stain on her underwear._

_She threw the used paper between her legs into the toilet and kicked at the offending underwear. They slid along the bathroom tiles until they hit the wall, her shorts going with them. Some of the blood had gotten on those, too._

_It wasn't fair, Miley thought. Her mom – _

_Miley's foot lashed out over and over, kicking the cabinet to the side of the toilet until the pain drowned out the rest of that thought._

_"Miley? Hey, Miley!" Lilly yelled through the closed bathroom door, pounding on it. Miley jumped. What was Lilly doing here? They were supposed to meet at the beach in – she checked her watch – twenty minutes ago. Oh. "Miley, are you in there? Your dad said you were up in your room. What's going on?"_

_It was tempting to ignore Lilly, to not say anything, but Miley knew if she did Lilly would get worried and get her dad, which would be horrible, and he'd probably break down the bathroom door besides. So she got up and got her towel off the rack, wrapping it around her waist before opening the door._

_"Miley – " Lilly started and then broke off, staring at her. "What...?"_

_Miley retrieved her underwear, awkwardly holding the towel shut while she bent over, and showed them to Lilly._

_"Oh," Lilly said, eyes wide. "Wow."_

_"Yeah," Miley said. "Lilly, I can't tell my dad, I just can't. I don't know what to do!" That last part came out as a wail and Miley bit her lip again. She wasn't going to cry. She wasn't._

_"Okay," Lilly said. That look was on her face, the one that meant she either had a really good idea or she really had to pee. "Hang on a sec." She disappeared and came back a minute later, thrusting fresh shorts and a clean pair of underwear at Miley. "Put these on."_

_"I'll get them – "_

_"Put some toilet paper in them. We're just going to my house."_

_Lilly towed Miley all the way down the street to her house. Miley dragged behind, trying not to dislodge the paper between her legs. It felt precarious, like it might fall out any minute, and she was worried it wasn't enough and the blood would soak through her clothes before they made it to Lilly's. The day was blazing and they were both covered in sweat as soon as they stepped outside. It made their joined hands slippery and so hot her blood throbbed in her veins, but Lilly didn't let go once the whole time, not even for a second._

_The inside of Lilly's house was dark after the bright sunshine, and blessedly cool. Lilly led her upstairs, past the bathroom she shared with her brother and through her parents' bedroom into the adjoining bathroom. "I know my mom has stuff," Lilly said, finally letting go of Miley's hand so she could search through the cabinet under the sink. "A-ha!"_

_She brandished a small cardboard box and a half-full plastic package of pads in the air. "Um, I don't really know..." She looked at Miley uncertainly._

_"I'll figure it out," Miley said, grabbing both things from her and pushing Lilly toward the door. She just wanted to be alone so she could check her underwear. "Thanks."_

_The blood hadn't soaked through the toilet paper. Miley sighed in relief and threw the wad in the toilet, then sat down on it and examined the stuff Lilly had given her. The box had tampons in it, but the idea of actually putting something up inside her body made Miley queasy, so she set the box back on the floor. Maybe she'd try one of those later. A lot later._

_A pad seemed infinitely less scary, and she pulled one out of the bag and ripped the wrapping off. It was easy enough to figure out how it worked, and a few minutes later she'd washed her hands and put everything back in the cabinet and walked downstairs to find Lilly. The pad chafed the insides of her thighs and felt bulky, like a diaper. Would people be able to tell she was wearing it? She'd tried to check in the mirror before she came downstairs, but there wasn't a full length one and she hadn't been able to see well enough to know for sure._

_Lilly was in the kitchen talking to her mother. "She came home for lunch," Lilly explained when she saw Miley._

_"I hear congratulations are in order," Lilly's mom said, and then she walked over and hugged Miley._

_"Thanks," Miley mumbled into her shoulder. It didn't really feel like something to celebrate. Maybe if her mom was here – _

_No. She wasn't going to think about that._

_"Come on," said Heather, motioning Lilly over so she could give them both a one-armed hug. "Let's go to the store."_

_The store had an entire aisle filled with different kinds of feminine hygiene products. Miley stared at them. Overnight, thin, regular, very thin, multi-pack, with wings, without wings – and that was just one brand. Overwhelmed, Miley looked over at Lilly, who shrugged. She didn't have the slightest idea either._

_"Here," Lilly's mom said. She grabbed one of the regular packages and one of the multi-packs. "You'll probably be okay with the regular, but we'll get this one too so you'll have them just in case. And your period will get lighter towards the end, so you might want to switch to a thinner pad then; they're a little more comfortable. Do you want any tampons?"_

_"Um," Miley said, looking down at her sandals._

_"You're a little young for them, but – " She moved a few steps down the aisle and pulled a box from the shelf. Ultra-slim, for lite flow, the box said in bright yellow letters. "We'll get these and you can try them later if you decide you want to." Both packages of pads and the box of tampons went into the shopping basket. Lilly's mom looked at Miley, who could feel red spots burning high on her cheeks. This was so embarrassing._

_"And, Lilly, I guess we might as well go ahead and pick some up for you," Lilly's mother continued. "You'll probably be getting yours any time now, since you and Miley seem to be doing everything together these days."_

_"Mo-om," Lilly whined while her mom put another package of the regular pads in the basket, and Miley had to laugh. _

_"Thanks, Mrs. Truscott," Miley said, smiling at her. This wouldn't be so bad if Lilly was getting stuff, too._

_"Don't mention it, Miley," Heather said, giving her another one-armed hug around her shoulders. "And you just let me know if you need more stuff and you don't want to ask your dad or get it yourself, okay? I don't mind at all."_

_"Thanks," Miley said again. She was relieved, hopeful for the first time since she'd gone to the bathroom and seen the blood in her underwear. She could handle this, now that she knew what to do. This would be okay._

_"All right, girls, let's go pay for this and then we'll swing by and get some ice cream cones to celebrate before I have to go back to work."_

_"Whoo!" Lilly cheered. "I'm gonna get chocolate. No, peanut butter. No – can I get two scoops, Mom?"_

_"Sure," her mom said. "Since it's a special occasion." She winked at Miley, who grinned back. Lilly whooped again and took off towards the check-out lines._

_Miley followed after her, still smiling. Yeah, she thought. Everything would be okay._

– Miley picked at the fabric of the couch, realizing she had no idea what had happened to her that day in this world. She looked up at Heather, who didn't know her, who didn't like her, who hadn't taken that trip to the store with her but was fundamentally still the same woman who had shown kindness to her daughter's friend when she was young and scared and didn't have anyone else to turn to.

"I'll go," Miley said.

———————————————

The ride to the store was ten minutes of tense, uncomfortable silence. They were quite possibly the longest ten minutes of Miley's life. Lilly's mom left the radio off, so there weren't even Christmas carols playing in the background, and when they got to the store the sound of Miley opening her car door seemed unreasonably loud. Why had she thought this was a good idea?

"So, Miley, what's your major?" Heather asked once they got a cart and were halfway down the bread aisle, florescent lights glaring down from overhead. Miley needn't have worried about missing Christmas carols, because they were blaring over the store's loudspeakers.

"I haven't decided yet," Miley answered, in between the eighth and ninth days of Christmas.

"Lilly mentioned she's thinking about law school. Is that something you're interested in as well?"

The carolers shrilled on about five golden rings. Miley shook her head. "No, that's all Lilly. I don't think I'm going to be able to stand more than these next four years of school."

"But you're willing to pay for Lilly to go, even though you won't be attending," Heather said sharply.

"_I_ wouldn't be paying," Miley said. "It's just as much Lilly's money as it is mine. Her name is on the account." Lilly's mother stiffened and Miley knew she'd said the wrong thing.

The cart rolled to a stop in front of a bewildering selection of rolls. Heather appeared to be deciding between whole grain wheat and potato rolls while Miley fidgeted and listened to the next verse start with ten lords a'leapin'. This was crazy. She shouldn't have come, she was going to mess things up for Lilly, _again_, and – no. She wasn't going to let that happen.

"Listen," Miley said. Her fingers gripped the metal bars on the side of the cart. "I know Lilly tells you that it wasn't my fault that she left. But she's wrong." Heather's head snapped around and her eyes were riveted on Miley, who pressed ahead quickly now that she had Heather's full attention. "If I had left Lilly alone, if I had never come into her life, if I hadn't given her that money, she wouldn't have left. We both know that. And if there was any way that I could go back and stop that from happening, I would."

She drew in a deep breath and let it out. "But I can't. And I know you have no reason to trust me when I tell you I'm not trying to take her away from you. I wouldn't, if I were in your position. But you can trust Lilly. Her name has been on that bank account since she gave that money back three years ago. She could have taken what she wanted and left at any time, but she didn't. She's still here, still asking for your forgiveness, and it's not right for you to punish her for something that's my fault."

Miley swallowed, glad when Heather didn't use the pause to interrupt her. "I don't blame you for hating me. I still hate myself sometimes. But by some stroke of luck that I know I don't deserve, Lilly loves me, and no matter what you may think of me, I'm not stupid enough to walk away from that. So if you need to keep hating me, keep hating me. But don't take it out on Lilly. That isn't fair to either of you." She didn't take her eyes from Lilly's mother for an instant. She was taking a risk by being completely honest with Heather, but Miley didn't know how else to try to get through to her.

Lilly's mom tilted her head to one side, regarding Miley like she was some species of bug Heather had never seen before. "You're not how I pictured you," she said at last. "You know, Lilly came back different than she was when she left. She keeps telling me that, and I do believe her. And I don't just mean that she's more mature. There's the surfboarding, the skateboarding, how she dresses and the way she walks. When she was in eighth grade, I spent the whole year worrying she was anorexic, and now she eats more than her brother. She's _different_."

This was getting into dangerous territory. "Yes," Miley agreed cautiously.

"You know what brought about all these changes."

"Yes," Miley said, hoping Lilly's mom wouldn't ask for details.

"And it has something to do with you."

Miley swallowed again. "Yes."

Heather nodded once. "No," she said. "You're not how I pictured you at all." She pushed at the handle on the cart and started down the aisle. "Don't hurt my little girl, Miley Stewart."

"No, ma'am," Miley whispered.

The twelve days of Christmas ended, and entreaties to deck the halls followed them as they moved through the store, and if neither of them spoke again, this time the quiet was not so uncomfortable.

———————————————

Dirty dishes covered every available surface in the kitchen. Miley came through the door from the dining room with the last of the detritus from dinner: a serving dish with a few roasted baby potatoes still on it, two napkins, and a lone knife that had somehow been overlooked when its plate was cleared.

"Thanks," Lilly said, taking the stuff from her and stacking the serving dish inelegantly on top of a pile of plates. The knife was easier to find a spot for, and the napkins she just tossed with the others on the edge of the counter so they could get washed later.

Miley peeked at Heather, who was standing at the sink rinsing off dishes and had her back to them. "Want me to help wash up?"

"Nah," Lilly told her. Everyone had made an effort at dinner, Miley most of all, and though the conversation had limped occasionally, the whole thing had gone surprisingly smoothly, much better than Lilly had expected. As soon as she could get Miley alone for more than thirty seconds, she was pumping her for details about what happened at the market. "Go hang out with the guys, I'm sure they're back in front of the TV by now since they ducked out of helping halfway through. Oh, but hang on a sec." She went to the counter next to the sink and grabbed the mug she'd gotten ready while Miley was bringing in the last of the dishes. "I made you some coffee."

"I thought your mom said we were having coffee with dessert?" Miley asked. "You didn't think I could wait til then?"

Lilly grinned. "Well, can you? Because I can just pour this right back into the pot."

"No, no, no," Miley said hurriedly, grabbing the cup as quickly as possible without spilling any of it.

"Yeah, thought so," Lilly said smugly. She gave Miley a light kiss. "Now get out of here already." She watched Miley leave, then went to put the dishes her mom was rinsing into the dishwasher.

Clean-up went a lot faster with two people doing it. Usually Lilly did it all herself as a trade-off for Miley doing all the cooking. She slid the last plate into place and looked down at the now-full dishwasher with satisfaction. Miley might be able to cook, but_ no one_ could load a dishwasher like Lilly. Sure, she'd _tried_ to show Miley how to do it right, but a skill like that just couldn't be taught. It was a natural talent possessed only by a select few.

Shutting the dishwasher, she washed her hands and then moved over so her mom could rinse out the dishcloth she'd used to wipe down the counters. They hadn't spoken at all during the cleaning process, each of them automatically doing what they'd done many times before. There was comfort for Lilly in the routineness of it, and the quiet had given her a chance to relax for a while without having to worry about her mom and Miley interacting.

But now her mother finished wringing out the dishcloth and draped it over the sink, resting her hands on the edge and leaning on them slightly. "We'd lose, wouldn't we," she said.

Lilly froze in the middle of drying her hands with a dish towel. "Mom..." She didn't know how to tell her that there wouldn't even be a contest.

Heather's hand clenched on the edge of the sink and then released. "It's all right," she said. "It wasn't a question."

And that was just it. It _wasn't_ a question, it was just how things were. It wasn't Lilly's choice. Or maybe it was, but she'd already made it three years ago on Miley's balcony. There was no going back.

"You know, she's not what I expected," Lilly's mom said, turning to face her.

Lilly looped the towel through the handle to the refrigerator. "Is that a good thing?" she asked cautiously, crossing her arms over her chest.

To her surprise, her mother's mouth lifted in a half-smile. "It would almost have to be, wouldn't it?"

Lilly tried to laugh but it caught in her throat and came out choked. She flew across the space between them and hugged her mom as tightly as she could. "I love you, mom."

"I love you, too, honey," Heather said, hugging her back. "No matter what, you'll always be my baby. Remember that."

"I will." Lilly pulled away and sniffled a little. It was stupid, because there wasn't anything to cry about now, but she'd been so wound up over this whole thing that relief made her teary.

Heather cupped Lilly's cheek for a second, wiping away the moisture pooled at the corner of Lilly's eye, then she put her arms around Lilly's neck, gathering up her hair and pulling it over one shoulder. "I can't say that I'm entirely _happy_ with the situation," she said. "But...I guess I'll have to learn to live with it." She combed Lilly's hair with her fingers, then tucked it behind Lilly's ear, fussing with it needlessly.

"Thanks, mom," Lilly said. She guessed she couldn't blame her mother for not welcoming Miley with open arms, and even this was more than she'd hoped for on the ride down from Seattle. "And just wait, you'll see. Miley grows on you."

"After watching the two of you tonight, I have no doubt of that," her mother chuckled, and Lilly blushed. Evidently they hadn't been as clever sneaking off for a few seconds alone here and there during the night as she'd thought they had.

"Come on," Heather said, laughing even more at Lilly's embarrassment. "Let's see if we can get everyone rounded up for dessert."

———————————————

The early-morning air was cool, and the light breeze raised goosebumps on Lilly's arms. She rubbed them vigorously, breathing in the salt-tinged air with appreciation. It was kinda chilly, and ordinarily she'd being wearing long sleeves at this time of year, but the last few months of freezing cold had toughened her up, and if they hadn't been getting ready to head back to Seattle, she would have been wearing shorts as well.

It was only New Year's, but they'd decided to go back ahead of schedule. Since things had gotten better with her mother, Lilly didn't feel right about lying to her parents about being in town, but her admission that she was going to stay over at the Stewarts' had brought about another argument with Heather that had taken a couple days to smooth over and had Lilly eager to leave all of this behind.

Well. All of it except the weather.

Lilly's mom had wanted her to stay with them, and she'd said Miley could as well, but Lilly hadn't even brought up that idea with Miley. There was no way she was going to put Miley through that, especially not now, when Miley had been spending every spare moment writing songs, or working them out on the guitar, or the piano, or on her new laptop. Lilly didn't want to risk Miley getting stressed out and stopping, not with the plan Lilly had in mind for her birthday.

So they were going back to Seattle a little sooner than they'd planned. It was so much easier when it was only them.

Lilly picked up her pace as the Stewart house came into view. She was coming back from breakfast with her parents because she'd promised her mom that she'd stop by before she and Miley left. Admittedly, it had been kind of nice spending time together, just the three of them, and then she'd gone upstairs and bounced on Ben's bed until he woke up long enough to hug her goodbye. But as nice as breakfast had been, this latest truce with her mother was still fragile, and Lilly was thoroughly relieved to be getting out of town.

The front door opened just as Lilly climbed the steps onto the porch and Miley came out, loaded down with a suitcase in each hand. "Hey," Miley said, stopping in her tracks long enough to kiss Lilly hello. "Can you pack up the bathroom stuff? I've got everything except that, I just have to load it all."

"Sure," Lilly said, going into the house.

"How was breakfast?" Miley called over her shoulder.

"Fine," Lilly yelled back. She waved to Robby Ray, who was in the kitchen, dressed in his bathrobe and drinking deeply from a mug of coffee, and then raced upstairs to the bathroom. Miley had everything else loaded in the car by the time Lilly got back downstairs, and Miley hugged Robby Ray goodbye on the porch.

"Sorry your pathetic excuse for a brother couldn't drag himself outta bed to see you off, Miles," he said.

"'S'all right," Miley said. "I'll get him back for it later."

"I'll tell 'im you said that," her dad promised.

Miley grinned. "Good. It was good to see you, Daddy."

"You, too, bud. Both you girls." He hugged her again. "Don't be strangers, now."

"We won't," Lilly told him. She waved one last time as they walked off towards the car, getting a wave back before Robby Ray went inside and probably back to bed if he had any sense. It wasn't even six-thirty yet. "Hey, Miley, did you remember to leave out my sweater and – "

"Yep," Miley answered. "They're in the backseat, ready and waitin' for ya."

As she came alongside the car she could see them, both her heavy coat and the cashmere sweater Robby Ray had given her laid out in the back for when they got back up north and it was cold again. "You're too good to me," Lilly said, making her voice sugary-sweet and blowing Miley a kiss over the top of the car.

Miley blew a breath on her fingernails and then buffed them on her shirt, looking pleased with herself. "I know," she said smugly.

Lilly just laughed and got in the car. Miley slid into the passenger seat next to her. Lilly had volunteered to drive the first leg since she was more awake in the morning and Miley was going to have to drive if they hit any snow later on. Lilly went to start the car but Miley stopped her with a hand on her arm.

"What?" Lilly asked, dropping her hand from the keys in the ignition. Miley was staring at her intensely.

"Thank you," Miley said.

"What for?"

"Just – just for being here. Just for being you," Miley said.

Lilly smiled and leaned across the center console to kiss her. She'd meant it as a light kiss, but Miley didn't let her get away with that, and they were both panting by the time it ended. "Hey," Lilly said softly, resting her forehead on Miley's.

"What?" Miley asked.

"We survived Christmas," Lilly said. "And I don't think my mom hates you anymore." Miley pulled away and shot her a skeptical look. "Okay, okay," Lilly chuckled. "But at least she doesn't hate you as _much_."

"Now that I might be willing to believe," Miley said.

Maria the Second purred to life as Lilly turned the key. "As much as I love both our families...," she said, shaking her head.

"Let's get the hell out of here," Miley finished.

Lilly pulled out of the driveway and the sky flared orange around them, the dawn of a new year.

———————————————


	7. Getting It Right

**Holy **_**crap**_**, last night**'**s episode was leaking subtext all over the place. Too bad that was completely overshadowed by the cringe factor, like, damn, show, if you want people to be able to ignore meta then you can**'**t spend two seasons playing with it every chance you get. And clearly they weren**'**t ignoring it themselves, so really why even go there? Poor Jason Earles. At least they didn**'**t make him kiss her. (My household is deeply sympathetic towards him and we all have very strong feelings w/re: Things They Shouldn**'**t Make Him Do Because He**'**s Thirty. Because seriously, some of those things are just not **_**right**_**.) Ugh, I had a lot of problems with that episode, so here**'**s hoping the season picks up from here on out.**

**Thanks again to everyone for reading this and reviewing, both on this and the oneshot. I really do appreciate it.**

**Also, I am totally going to be stealing songs, etc. from other people and claiming them as Miley**'**s, because I am in no way talented enough to write such things myself. They are works that either have been or will be quoted at some point and will be attributed to their real owners then.**

**Okay. So. Chapter seven. Let's see what happens.**

———————————————

**Chapter Seven: Getting It Right**

———————————————

_I could never have come to the present without you  
remember that  
from whatever stage we may again  
watch it appear_

- W.S. Merwin, "The Different Stars"

———————————————

**January – February 2012**

Lilly's birthday wasn't for another three weeks, and she used the time wisely, starting her campaign as soon as they were back in Seattle. She kept it subtle the first few days: complimenting Miley's music every chance she got, expressing amazement that Miley could have written so many songs in such a short time, even though that really didn't surprise her at all. It was obvious that a lot of these songs had been inside Miley a long time now, just waiting to be let out.

She stepped it up slightly over the next couple days, hinting about how she'd really like to go out somewhere for her birthday this year and how Seattle had such a good music scene. Miley figured it out on day two of that and stared at Lilly with terror, hurt, and longing all mixing on her face. It was that last one that made Lilly keep going.

"You miss it," she said. "I know you do."

"It's too soon," Miley said. Terror.

"It's been three years," Lilly pointed out. "Almost four. And these songs are too good not to be heard by more people than me." Lilly could see that the longing was dominating for a second, could feel how Miley was interested in the idea in spite of herself, and she pressed her advantage. "Please? It could be my birthday present."

That made the hurt win out, and Miley went and shut herself in her music room and didn't talk to Lilly for the rest of the day. Lilly didn't blame her. No one liked being manipulated. But that night in bed Miley tossed and turned, and sighed noisily, and finally said, "Okay."

"Okay?"

"If you can find someplace _small_," Miley said, and Lilly smiled in the dark. "Low-key. And don't mention Hannah."

Which was how they ended up in Slant two days before Lilly's birthday. It hadn't been easy, because Miley had been moody whenever Lilly tried to bring up the subject again, and in order to have something for people to listen to Lilly had been forced to sneak into the music room while Miley was in class and burn a copy of one of the rough tracks Miley had been laying down. Then there was the matter of actually getting people to listen to it, but Lilly had lucked out and walked into Slant just as the manager found out his first act for Saturday had cancelled, and he'd agreed to give Miley a shot.

Slant wasn't really a club, more of a bar-and-grill type place that had nonetheless built up a reputation over the past two decades as a place that served as a springboard for launching local bands. It was popular with the locals, and, since it had been written up in Lonely Planet a few years ago, with tourists who liked to pretend they were locals.

The place was dark but clean, decently-sized with booths lining two walls and at least twenty free-standing tables, all of which were occupied. Dark green vinyl covered the bench seats in the booths and the walls were hung with signed and framed pictures of various celebrities who had graced the establishment with their presence. It was the kind of place that would have been filled with a haze of cigarette smoke back before the Seattle went smoke-free, and the odor of stale tobacco could still be faintly detected.

Lilly sat in a booth across from Miley, with Lola in her case on the seat next to Miley, propped up against the wall. Miley shifted around anxiously and Lilly knew she was trying not to think about how full the place was.

"You're on in five," one of the waiters whispered as he passed their booth on his way to deliver a tray of drinks two tables down from them.

"I don't know about this," Miley said. She wiped her palms on the legs of her jeans.

"You can do this," Lilly said calmly.

Miley shook her head. "I don't know, Lilly. It's different this time. With Hannah, it didn't really matter, but now it'll be me up there. Just Miley. And I – "

"Don't know if you're more afraid that they'll hate you or that they'll love you?" Lilly asked, quirking an eyebrow.

"Yeah," Miley admitted. "I mean, obviously I don't want them to hate my music, but...I don't know if I could handle being famous again."

"Miley. You know you don't have to do this if you really don't want to."

"But it's for your birthday, and – "

"And I said I wanted this, I know." Lilly put her hands on the table palm up and waited for Miley to lay hers on top. "But the only thing I really want is for you to be happy. So if you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't want to do this, we'll just go home. But you used to love performing. You used to love it so much, and I know part of you still does, still misses it." Miley ducked her head in acknowledgement. "So get up there and see what happens, and we'll go from there."

A minute passed while Miley considered this. "All right. But what do we do if they hate it?"

"Then we figure something else out. Don't stay down. Try again!" The last two words were said in Lilly's I-was-a-perky-cheerleader voice.

Miley's eyes narrowed. "You're done being helpful for the evening, aren't you?"

"Maybe it's your time to lift off and fly," Lilly told her solemnly. "You won't know if you never try."

"And now you're going to sit there and quote Hannah lines at me until I'm forced to go onstage just to get away from you."

"I could sing them, if that would help."

"Dear god in heaven, no." The waiter who'd given Miley her five-minute warning was now standing off to the side of the little platform stage, waving in their direction. Reluctantly, Miley stood, her hand wrapping around Lola's neck. "I guess I'd better go 'make some noise'."

"That's my girl," Lilly said happily. "I'll be here waiting for you when you're done."

"Promise?" Miley asked.

"Always." She half-rose from her seat and kissed Miley on her cheek. "Love you, toad."

"Love you, too, frog."

Lilly scrunched up her nose. "Ribbit."

Weaving among the tables, Miley made her way up to the stage and stood just off to the side while the waiter introduced her, efficiently taking Lola out of her case while she waited. Miley was opening for Platykurtic Curve, an up-and-coming local band and probably the reason the place was full tonight. To anyone else watching, Miley must have seemed completely at ease, but Lilly could tell she was still nervous by the tense set of her shoulders.

Finally, Miley took the stage to a polite smattering of applause. She was dressed simply in dark jeans and knee-high boots, but her form-fitting black button-up shirt was shot through with silver that caught the light and glittered. There was a drum set behind her for the next act, but all Miley was using tonight was a stool, Lola, and her own voice. "Good evening, y'all," she said, smiling tightly into the mic, and apparently decided that was enough of a greeting, because she adjusted the mic down and then sat. The opening notes to _Mango Tree_ strummed through the air.

The room was noisy, the patrons were clearly used to talking over whatever music was being played, at least until it got too loud, but by the end of Miley's first verse a complete hush had fallen across the place. It wasn't broken until the end of the song, when a wave of applause rolled across the audience and then died because Miley didn't pause before launching into her second song.

Lilly sat up straighter and grinned. Jackson had been right.

———————————————

"Well, they didn't hate it," Lilly said. Platykurtic Curve had ended up going on half an hour late as the crowd kept urging Miley to sing more, until she'd gone through most of the songs she had written now and had begged off. The dirty looks the drummer and lead guitar from Platykurtic Curve were shooting at her might have had something to do with it as well.

"Ha, ha," Miley said sarcastically. She'd gotten off the stage twenty minutes ago, but was only just now getting back to Lilly's booth since people kept stopping her to shake her hand, talk, and ask when her next show was.

Lilly jumped up and hugged her, and Miley returned the embrace one-handed since she was still clinging to Lola with the other. "I'm so proud of you." Miley squeezed harder in gratitude and then Lilly let her go so they could sit and Miley could put down the guitar. She drained the rest of the orange juice in her glass, then reached across the table and stole Lilly's Coke. She'd forgotten how thirsty singing could make her. And how high.

The waiter from before came over, and Miley admired the way he was able to slide easily through the crowded room, not stopping once. If she kept up with this, she might not ever be able to do that again.

"Ms. Stewart," he said, pitching his voice to be heard over the decidedly loud Platykurtic Curve.

"Miley," Miley corrected.

"Miley. Listen, that was great, and we'd love to have you back next weekend if you're available."

"To open?" Miley asked.

The man laughed, taking Miley aback. "No, the whole night's yours if you want it. We've got someone else scheduled, but we'll bump 'em for you. They won't bring in nearly as much business."

Miley looked over at Lilly, who was fairly vibrating out of her seat in excitement. She made little shooing motions at Miley, clearly in favor of the idea. "Well, I...guess I don't see how I could say no then."

"Great. We'll see you next Saturday, then. Oh, and next time? Bring a picture for the wall. I have a feeling we'll be wanting it before too long." He left them with a smile and a wave. Miley stared after him with wide eyes. She hadn't thought anything like this would happen so quickly.

"Wow," Lilly squeaked. "This is one heck of a birthday."

"Ya think?"

———————————————

A picture laid squarely in the middle of the desk. A headshot. Not a proper one – Lilly hadn't managed to talk her into that, yet, and anyway they would have taken longer than a week to get done – just a picture that Lilly had cropped and turned black-and-white in Photoshop, printed out on high-quality photo paper.

Miley had a Sharpie in her hand.

Sharpies weren't the best for signing pictures, she knew. Smeared too much. Memories flashed through her mind; pens of every type pushed into her hands by eager fans or autograph hunters: sign this picture, sign this shirt, sign this arm. Faster and faster they flashed, an avalanche come to bury her. Miley shook her head to shatter them.

She looked around the room, looked at everything but the picture. A mix of icy rain and slush dripped down outside the window. The study walls were a cheery yellow contrast, with a poster of Chaz Ortiz tacked to one of them. A stack of textbooks on the desk, two highlighters, and Lilly's cell phone charger. The trashcan. The file cabinet. A framed print of Monet's Waterlilies that hung above the desk. The house was quiet around her; Lilly was at the skatepark. The only noise was the rain against the window.

Miley forced herself to breathe normally. She uncapped the pen and signed her name. Her own name.

Then she sat and stared at it for a very long time.

———————————————

People packed into Slant, squeezing in so tight the air turned dead and stifling. Lilly ran her thumb over Miley's knuckles to try and ease the tension pinching her face. They were standing just to the left of the stage, and Lilly would rather have been looking for a seat somewhere she could see Miley's performance, but Miley wouldn't let go of her hand.

The waiter from last week pushed his way over to them. Greg, Lilly remembered. That was his name.

"Give us about another five minutes, okay? We've still got people outside and we're trying to figure out some way to fit them in. You guys need anything to drink? It's on the house."

"She'll just have a water," Lilly said when Miley didn't answer. "I'll take one, too."

"Sure," Greg said. "Hey, did you bring that picture?"

"No," Miley said meanly. "I thought you were joking."

"No, we brought it," Lilly said, shooting Miley a dirty look and handing Greg the folder she had it in. What was wrong with her tonight?

"Thanks," he said. He pulled out the picture and tapped his finger against the signature and glanced back and forth from it to Miley a few times. "This is going to sound weird, but your name kind of sounds familiar. You know, you look familiar, too, come to think of it."

Miley squeezed Lilly's hand so hard it cut off the blood supply to her fingers.

"Oh, shit, I know what it is! You're that singer from a few years ago, what's her name – " He snapped his fingers a few times. " – Hannah Montana! That's it, isn't it? You're her?"

"I'm her," Miley said tersely.

"Yeah, my sister used to love you! No offense, but I like your music now a lot better."

"None taken," Miley muttered. She still hadn't relaxed her grip on Lilly's hand.

"Damn, wait til I tell the manager, this is going to be great," Greg said. "Do you want me to announce you as – "

"No!" Miley barked. Greg blinked at her and Miley seemed to realize how sharply she'd spoken. "Listen," she said, putting her other hand on his arm. "I'd really appreciate it if you didn't mention this to anyone else. I don't really want to, uh, attract any undue attention. You understand."

From the look he was giving them, he wasn't even close to understanding. "Sure," he agreed cautiously. "Um, let me just go get those waters." He cut through the crowd with the ease of long practice and disappeared.

"He's telling the manager, isn't he?" asked Miley.

Lilly scanned the room and spotted him over by the door, deep in conversation with another man. Every few seconds they'd glance in their direction. "Yeah."

Sharp pain shot through her shoulder and Miley yanked on her arm, pulling her into the little hallway that led to the bathroom. This early in the night there wasn't a line yet and they were relatively isolated. "Miley, it's okay," she soothed.

"No, it's not okay, Lilly," Miley said. "I don't think I can do this."

"We knew people would recognize you sooner or later."

"But this is sooner. This is much, much sooner!"

"Calm down, Miley, okay? Just breathe." Lilly watched Miley's eyes shut and her chest expand as she breathed in deeply. She pulled her hand free and put both of them on Miley's shoulders. "Now you can do this, I know you can." Miley shook her head. "Yes, you can – " Lilly could see Greg waving at her from beside the stage. There wasn't time for this. "You can and you will," she said sternly, trying to break through Miley's nerves and make her listen. If Miley would just get on the stage and start playing, Lilly knew she'd be fine. Just like last week. "You have to. Because there are a lot of people out there, and you're not going to let them down."

Miley's eyes opened. Her pupils were dilated, irises barely edging them in blue. She stared at Lilly for a moment, then nodded once, and a wall slammed down behind her eyes.

Lilly knew that wall. She'd seen it many times in the past three years, slamming down to shut out Miley's father, Jackson, Angel, the occasional person who recognized her. Never Lilly.

Miley shrugged Lilly's hands from her shoulders, turned and started towards the stage. "Hey, toad," Lilly said, catching Miley's sleeve between her fingers to stop her. "I love you."

Miley looked back over her shoulder, nodded again, and walked away. She didn't answer, and the wall stayed down.

———————————————

Even now, two hours since they'd left Slant, adrenaline still sang through Miley's blood. At least tomorrow was Sunday; it wouldn't matter if she laid in bed for hours and couldn't sleep, there wasn't class tomorrow.

The heat was up so high that Miley only wore pajama shorts and a loose tank top to bed. Their thermostat was always set to at least seventy-six; Miley had given up arguing about it by the end of September. She lay in bed on her back with her arms behind her head, thinking about tonight and waiting for Lilly to get done brushing her teeth and come to bed. Little spikes of adrenaline crested and broke with remembered waves of applause, and for a few moments she couldn't quite recall what she'd been so worried about.

The room plunged into darkness as Lilly flipped the light switch and crawled into the bed next to Miley. Sheets rustled and the bed dipped as she settled herself against Miley's side. One hand snaked under Miley's shirt and flattened itself on the skin of her stomach. Heat spread from it throughout Miley's body, gentling the adrenaline into a warm glow.

"Miley," Lilly said. Her voice was soft, almost a whisper. Or a plea. "Don't shut me out."

"Lilly..." Miley started. She wasn't sure how to explain what had happened earlier that night.

"Please," Lilly begged. "I need you, and if you start shutting me out, I don't think I could – "

"Lilly, I wasn't shutting you out. I need you, too. I couldn't do this without you." _This_ meant anything, everything, though she didn't know if Lilly really understood that. "So I promise you, I wasn't shutting you out, not on purpose. It was more like...I was shutting down." She couldn't do this in the dark. She needed to be able to see Lilly, so she sat up and switched on the lamp. Lilly's hand slid down and came to rest on her thigh.

The light reflected off of Lilly's worried eyes looking at her as she sat up next to Miley. Sucking in a breath gave Miley a second to think of what to say next, how to make this make sense. "I was freaking out, okay? Because he recognized me, and because of that stupid picture, and it was like, there were only two ways I could get up on that stage. The first way was to take a drink." Lilly inhaled sharply and Miley drew a shaky hand through her own hair, momentarily getting her fingers tangled before she tugged them free. "The other way was to just shut everything down and do it on automatic."

"God, Miley," Lilly breathed. "Why didn't you – I know what I said, but we could have just left."

Miley shook her head. "No, I'm glad we stayed. I'm glad I got up there. Once I was onstage, the rest of the night was great."

"I don't care, it's not worth..." Lilly drew in a breath, let it out slowly. "Miley, maybe this isn't such a good idea. I mean, if it's going to be like this every time – "

"I don't think it will, Lilly. I think it'll get easier." She hoped. There were plenty of other things about returning to singing that worried her, she didn't need to add stagefright to the list. "Tonight was, I don't know, when I saw all those people there who'd all come just to listen to me, I'd forgotten how much pressure that is. I used to love that pressure. But I guess after last time, with Hannah, I don't know if I can give them what they want. And I'm just worried I'm going to screw it up again."

"Miley, you're not – "

"And then on top of that, that guy recognized me, and part of me thought that maybe everyone knew, and they'd all be sitting there, watching me and wondering what I thought I was doing up there, and waiting for me to break down like last time and fail...I panicked." None of that had happened, though. It had gone just as well as last week, better even. But would she be able to handle more than this? Did she even want more? Part of her craved the idea even as the rest of her violently rejected it.

"You aren't going to fail." Quiet certainty made Lilly's voice rock solid. "I think tonight proved that, and last week. Besides, you've never failed at anything in your life."

It was a such a ridiculous thing to say that Miley almost laughed. Instead, she smiled and pressed a kiss to Lilly's lips. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Miley turned the lamp back off and scooted down in the bed, cuddling up against Lilly as she did the same.

"And, Miley, if it ever gets to be too much, remember, you don't have to do this."

Miley thought of how it had felt tonight, hearing the applause and whistles, people stomping on the floor and calling out for encores. How it had felt those first years of Hannah, with the spotlights blinding her, thousands of voices all screaming together, screaming for her. The joy and energy of singing, of putting her whole self into it and getting back so much more.

She thought of all the people Hannah had disappointed. Her fans, her family, herself. Lilly.

"No," she said. "I think maybe I do. "

———————————————

The Dragonfly was at least three times bigger than the biggest club Miley had played these last few weeks in Seattle. It was set up more like a mini-concert hall, too, with a proper stage and a pit in front of it for dancing, with table seating on a higher level around the perimeter.

And it was packed.

Lilly was expecting some sign of nervousness from Miley. She'd gotten pretty comfortable at the venues in Seattle, and after the first couple incidents seemingly hadn't even minded the few times when someone recognized her and stopped her on the street, but this was L.A. This was a big step forward. And Lilly was getting used to any big step forward being accompanied by an equally large amount of trepidation on Miley's part.

But all she saw in Miley's eyes as she scanned the crowd now was a kind of electric eagerness, like she couldn't wait to get onstage, like she already knew she was going to own every person in here for as long as she had Lola in her hands.

"First time back playin' in L.A., bud," Robby Ray said. "You excited?"

Miley grinned at him. "Yeah."

They'd gotten here early and managed to secure one of the big, round tables that was a straight shot back from the stage so they'd have a perfect view. Sarah had an exam the next day that she had to cram for, so she hadn't come – Lilly had blown off her afternoon Latin class and tomorrow morning's Poly Sci to be here, but it was worth it – but Robby Ray and Jackson were both there with bells on, and Lilly's parents had surprised her by saying they wanted to come as well.

Though Miley had pretended to be unaffected, Lilly thought she was secretly touched, and Lilly had prayed that her mother would behave herself, which she had so far. Both her parents had chatted comfortably with the three Stewarts while they watched the club fill up and the first act of the night – an alt-rock band called One's Complement – took the stage.

Halfway through the One's Complement's fifth song, Miley pushed her chair back and stood. "I've got to head back now," she said, and everyone said good luck.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Lilly asked.

"No, stay here with your folks," Miley told her. "They never get to see you, and I see you so much I'm sick of ya."

Lilly grabbed her hand and tugged her down for a quick kiss. "Suck-up," she muttered under her breath.

Miley laughed low in her ear, then pecked a kiss on the edge of it. "Love you, frog," she whispered. Lilly squeezed hard on her hand, which meant, I love you, too.

———————————————

The best part about the night so far, other than Miley's performance, of course, was seeing the expressions on the faces of everyone else at the table. This was the first time any of them had seen Miley perform since Hannah, and Lilly recognized the progression from awed shock to intense interest to rapt absorption to dazed dismay when it was over from her own first time seeing Miley onstage again.

Applause swept around them and the whole table joined in, Robby Ray getting up and starting a standing ovation throughout the club that lasted until Miley made her way back into the wings.

"Holy cr—I mean cow," Jackson said as they all took their seats again, shooting a quick look at Lilly's mom. "I was right. She is totally going to be mega-famous again and it's going to make my life suck." He banged his head against the table a few times.

"Hey, you don't have to live with her anymore," Lilly said. "I do."

"Hey, that's right," Jackson said, lifting his head. "Heck, we don't even live in the same state anymore, which means I'll barely have to see her _or_ her crazy fans. Well, all right." He looked pretty pleased with this realization until Robby Ray smacked him upside the head. "Uh, I mean, not that I don't wish we lived closer, so that I could spend more time with my darling baby sister?" Jackson rephrased, leaning away from his dad until Robby Ray nodded in satisfaction and sat back in his chair.

Her parents laughed at Jackson's antics while Lilly kept an eye on the crowd around them for Miley, finally spotting her a few tables down, headed in their direction seemingly without any trouble. Luckily, most people were already enthralled with the third and final act of the evening to stop Miley.

A round of congratulations made its way around the table as Miley took the seat she'd previously vacated next to Lilly, and Miley's eyes glowed when Robby Ray added, "I'm proud of ya, bud." This was turning out to be the perfect night, Lilly thought.

Miley drained half the glass of water Lilly had ordered for her while she was gone in one gulp and opened her mouth to say something, but a man appeared out of the crowd before she could, standing at her shoulder. "Ms. Stewart?" Darn, Lilly thought, seeing Miley's wall slam down the way it always did when she was caught unawares. Jinxed us.

"Yes?" Miley asked coolly. She forced the corners of her mouth up in a small smile, and Lilly knew she was trying her best to stay calm and polite during this unexpected intrusion. For the most part, Miley was doing okay these days with the trappings that came with easing back into public performance, but blindsiding her when she thought she was safe from scrutiny was never a good idea.

"I'm Keith Johnson," the man introduced himself. He was a tall, African-American man with close-cropped hair and friendly dark brown eyes. "I don't know if you already have representation, but if not, I'd be very interested in representing you myself. Here's my card – " He dropped a small white rectangle on the table in front of Miley. " – give me a call, anytime, day or night. I hope to hear from you, and you guys enjoy the rest of your evening."

"Thanks," Miley managed to stutter after his retreating form. Lilly couldn't believe her luck. She'd been pestering Miley for weeks now about looking for management, and Miley had kept putting her off, finally saying she wanted to wait and at least see how this show in L.A. went, and now here was a manager, dropping right into their laps. Sure, they'd have to check the guy out first, but still...

"Oh my god, this is great!" Lilly squealed.

"I can't believe this, this is so exciting!" her mom chimed in.

"Wow, Miles, this is gonna be even easier than it was last time around," Jackson said.

"Yeah," Miley agreed softly. Lilly saw her peeking out of the corner of her eye over at Robby Ray, trying to gauge his reaction, but his face had a blank smile on it. Oh, Lilly thought, feeling stupid for not having thought of that sooner. Of course. Miley's dad had been her manager last time. Would he want to again?

Lilly didn't know what Miley thought, but she wasn't so sure that would be a good idea. Because Jackson was wrong: if Miley did end up trying for another singing career, it wasn't going to be easier than it had been last time, and Lilly didn't like to think about the strain that might put on Miley's relationship with her dad. But if Miley thought he might be offended if she didn't ask him, she might go ahead and do it no matter what she thought.

"So do you think you'll call him?" Alan asked.

Miley only shrugged, picking up the business card and tapping it nervously against the tabletop.

———————————————

The business card sat on the desk in the study for two days before Miley could bring herself to look at it. She told Lilly that she was too busy with homework, and to make that less of a lie she did throw herself into catching up on the work she'd missed to play the show, but she wasn't fooling anyone.

She talked to Juliana, who said she'd heard of Keith; he managed Tamaya, a folk-pop singer who had become popular around the time Miley had retired Hannah, and most recently he'd helped Perfect Sun get signed and put out a number one album. The band had repaid him by dumping him and going with new management. Stupid on their part, but maybe good for Miley, since it meant he wouldn't have too much else on his plate. Everything Juliana had heard pointed to Keith being a good manager, and if she was serious about getting back into music, she'd need a good manager. That wasn't in question. Deciding whether or not she was serious about getting back into music...that was another matter.

"Call him," Lilly kept urging her. "Just see what he has to say." But it was what he had to say that scared her, so she wrote an extra three pages for her English paper instead.

"You're never going to get anywhere if you don't take advantage of opportunities like this," Lilly chided. "You know that."

Maybe I don't _want_ to get anywhere, Miley wanted to snap at her, but she didn't. Lilly wouldn't believe her. Miley didn't know if she believed herself. She was the one who'd asked her dad to call in a favor to get her a few shows in L.A. She was the one who needed to be onstage, needed it more and more the more she did it.

But she still couldn't make herself pick up the phone.

She didn't have to call him. He called her. To make sure she remembered him, he said, and to see if they could set up a meeting. Her second show in L.A. was Friday night. She told him to come by the house Sunday morning, and then had to hang up the phone because Lilly tackled her, screaming with glee.

They flew down to L.A. early Friday afternoon after Lilly's eight a.m. class was over. They hadn't planned on staying the weekend, but Miley had purposefully given herself a whole day between the concert and the meeting, because there was one thing she had to do before she met with Keith, and she needed the time to work up the nerve to talk to her dad.

Saturday came but the nerve never did. Lilly gave her a series of increasingly displeased looks as the day wore on, and kept motioning at Miley to talk to him, but she couldn't. Things between her and her dad were so tenuous. They'd been good since Thanksgiving, but that was a few months of relative easiness weighed against years of distance and disappointment. She didn't want to risk their tentative truce over something like this.

Saturday night she couldn't sleep, not even when she'd worked both herself and Lilly to exhaustion and curled herself around Lilly's sleeping form. Keith was coming tomorrow at eleven. She hadn't made up her mind about hiring him yet, but just the fact that he was coming...

She had to talk to her dad.

Giving up on sleep, she inched away from Lilly and got up, pulling on Lilly's pajama bottoms and her own pajama top and going downstairs. As she went past her dad's room, she could see the light was still on, spilling out from under the door. Maybe, she thought, she could talk to him now. But she'd come bearing gifts.

In the kitchen she got two mugs from the cabinet and filled them halfway with water, half with milk, then put the milk back and got out the whipped cream in its place. She popped the mugs into the microwave for a couple minutes. While those heated up, she dug through the pantry and found the canister of homemade hot chocolate mix Mamaw had sent. A tin of cinnamon sticks, half a bar of dark chocolate in a Ziploc bag, a bag of mini-marshmallows, and a small bottle of chili powder all came out of the pantry as well.

She'd never actually made Loco Hot Cocoa before, but she'd watched her dad do it a thousand times. The trick was getting the right amount of chili powder. She got the mugs from the microwave and tapped a dash into each mug on top of the milk, then stirred in three spoonfuls of the mix and broke off a chunk of chocolate into each cup. A handful of the marshmallows joined the already melting chocolate, and she finished each mug off with a whipped cream top and a cinnamon stick for stirring.

"I thought I heard someone movin' around down here," a voice said from behind her. Miley jumped about a foot.

"Daddy," she said, whirling around. He stood on the other side of the kitchen island. "You scared the crap outta me."

"Sorry, Mile," he apologized, face creasing into a smile. "I thought you heard me comin' down the stairs."

She'd been so involved with the hot chocolate she'd blocked everything else out. "It's okay," she said. "Just I almost spilled and that woulda been a mess." She transferred the mugs from the counter over to the island. Her dad's eyes flicked down to them and back up.

"Loco Hot Cocoa?" he said. "I didn't know you knew how to make it. Lilly still up, too?"

"No," Miley said. She pushed one cup towards him. "I kinda...made it for you. I thought...maybe we could talk."

His eyes fell back to the hot chocolate and he reached out a hand, wrapping it around the side of the cup. "Talk about what?"

Miley took her mug and carried it over to the table. He followed with his own mug and sat across from her. Miley took a sip of the Loco Hot Cocoa, licking the whipped cream off her lips and giving herself a moment to marshal her thoughts. It wasn't exactly like her dad's, but close. Real close. "You remember that guy from my show last Thursday night? The manager?"

"Sure," said her dad. "Keith Johnson, wasn't it?"

"Keith, yeah," Miley said. She paused a beat, then took the plunge. "He's coming over tomorrow morning."

Robby Ray sat back in his chair. "I see."

Miley couldn't tell anything from his face. She stirred nervously at the hot chocolate with the cinnamon stick. "I don't know if I'm going to go with him or anything," she said hurriedly, "I mean, I don't know if you...anyway, I didn't think it would hurt anything just to meet with him and see what he...but if you, do you, I mean..."

"Miley," her dad said. He put his hand over hers to stop it stirring, guiding it down to the table. "It's all right."

"Is it?" she asked, not able to meet his eyes.

"Yeah, I..." His hand left hers and Miley risked a glance up to see him rubbing the back of his neck, a sheepish look on his face. "Actually, I kind of spent some time checking up on him this week. I was going to suggest you give him a call."

"You were?" Miley couldn't have been more surprised. He'd really checked out Keith for her?

"Yeah. He seems like good people."

"Yeah, I talked to Juliana and she said she'd heard good things about him," Miley agreed.

"Paul, too," Robby Ray said. Paul Hadyn was a certified CPA and business manager to both of them. There was no question that her dad's fame and connections had made it easier for Miley to break into the business, but perhaps the greatest asset he'd given her was access to people she_ knew_ were trustworthy because he'd already worked with them. Paul had been her dad's business manager for over a decade before he took on Miley as well, and Juliana had been a protégé of Robby Ray's lawyer. Knowing that she could depend on them and not have to worry they'd screw her over had made Miley's life immeasurably easier. "Look, Miley, I understand why you wouldn't want me to – "

"It's not that I don't want you to," Miley said hastily. "It's just – " How was she supposed to tell her father that she wasn't sure their relationship was strong enough to withstand them working together?

"I know, bud," her dad said.

But did he? "No, really," Miley pressed. "It's not that I don't want you to. It's just that singing again is kind of a big step for me, and I don't know how all of this is going to work out, or even if it will, and now that we're finally...I just don't want anything to mess that up."

"Miles." His hand covered hers again and he waited for her to look at him. "Being your daddy...that's the most important thing in the world to me. Next to that, any kind of business relationship we might have is nothing. So you go ahead and do what you need to do and don't worry about me. I only want what all daddies want for their baby girls, and that's for them to be happy."

Tears almost spilled out of Miley's eyes, but she blinked them back. "Thanks, daddy."

"Don't mention it, bud," he said. "Now what time's Keith coming tomorrow?"

"Eleven." The Loco Hot Cocoa was only warm now and Miley gulped some down, feeling immensely relieved now that her dad was okay with this.

"Well, I hope it goes well," Robby Ray said. "And, hey, you get to the point you want a good deal on publishing, you can always give me a call. I happen to know a washed-up old rocker who owns his own publishing company." He winked at her and Miley tried not to wince.

"Uh, daddy, I don't know how to tell you this, but...I kinda want to retain the copyrights." Hopefully he would understand: after all, he'd wanted the same thing with his work.

For the second time that night he surprised her and laughed. "I kinda figured you would."

"You did?" How-in-the-hell had he figured that?

"Of course," he said. "I mean, you kept the rights to all the Hannah songs you wrote, and you always told me if I ever wanted to sell the rights to rest of 'em, it'd better be to you. I didn't think that would've changed."

"Oh," Miley said. She'd known the other Miley had written some of Hannah's songs, after all, she sung those songs for a year and a half, but she'd never given a thought to who owned the publishing rights to them, let alone to buying the rights to the ones her dad had written.

And then there were the songs he'd written that she'd passed off as her own, the ones that hadn't existed here. Slightly unethical, maybe, but she hadn't been about to spend the rest of Hannah's career not singing _True Friend_ or _You and Me Together_, not when she'd needed to keep Lilly's memory alive any way she could. All this time, she'd assumed he'd been collecting the publisher's royalties on them, which had eased her guilt over the theft somewhat. Now she tried to think if there was some way to transfer the rights to him without making him suspicious. Probably not.

"I just meant the administrative side," Robby Ray continued, pulling her from her thoughts. "Registering the songs, negotiating and collecting fees, you know, the boring stuff. That way you won't have to hire someone special, or think about starting up your own company just yet."

"Oh. Right." There was so much back-end stuff she'd never had to think about before; her dad had taken care of all of that. All she'd had to do was show up and sing, or pose, or smile while relating a mildly humorous anecdote to a mildly annoying interviewer. "Thanks."

"Just an offer, bud," he said easily. "No pressure. You don't have to take me up on it if you'd rather do something else."

"No, I think...I think that would be nice. If I ever get to that point." Big if, she thought. "Thank you."

He nodded at her and drank from his mug. A tiny glob of whipped cream stuck to his upper lip when he put the cup down, and Miley got up to get him a napkin.

"Hey, dad?" she asked once she'd sat back down and he was finished wiping his mouth clean.

"Yeah?"

She didn't like thinking about those songs she'd stolen. It reminded her that the man across the table from her wasn't the same one she'd grown up with. What bothered her the most, now that they'd reconciled, was not knowing how far back that difference went, or how far-reaching it was. "Do you...do you remember that song I wrote? The one about the bunny, when I was like five?"

He laughed in disbelief. "Dangflabit, where's that rabbit?"

"_He's got a habit of runnin' away_," Miley sang, picking up where he'd left off. He joined in and they sang the rest of it together.

"I can't believe _you_ remember that," he said. "You were knee-high to a grasshopper when you came up with that little ditty, and you couldn't even write it down, I had to do it for you. And you signed it with a booger."

"Ew," Miley said, screwing up her face. That would never stop being gross.

"You know, I still have that song," Robby Ray admitted.

"You do?" Miley asked, her heart leaping with hope. That was an answer of sorts.

"Yeah," he said. "I kinda like to keep it with me. Lookin' at that song...it's gotten me through some rough spots."

So maybe the difference wasn't so far-reaching after all. Miley climbed down from her chair and went to hug her father, pressing her face against his shoulder.

"You okay, Miles?" he asked. One hand came up to rub her back in small, soothing circles.

I missed you, she thought. I miss you. "Yeah," she lied. "I'm okay."

———————————————

Sunday morning dawned bright and clear. Lilly saw it out on the water, straddling her board while Kyle and Joel floated on either side of her and Sam went after a wave and was pitched over, wiping out spectacularly in front of them.

"Harsh," Joel said. "He totally hit the bottom. That's gonna sting."

"Whatever, man," Kyle said. "It's his own damn fault for thinking he could surf that wave. I bet even Lilly couldn't've stayed on her board for that one."

Lilly drew herself up and pretended to be offended. "Are you disparaging the extent of my surfing abilities, Kyle?"

"I might be," Kyle said, grinning, "if I knew what disparaging meant."

Lilly clucked her tongue at him. "What are they teaching you kids these days? Why, back in my day – "

"When dinosaurs roamed the earth," Kyle muttered sarcastically. Joel leaned back on his board and splashed him behind Lilly's back.

Lilly continued as if she hadn't heard. "We had to – "

"Walk uphill to school both ways?" Kyle said. "In the snow?"

"Well, no," Lilly said. "I mostly skateboarded, and it's Malibu, so the weather was always nice." Kyle laughed at her, and even Joel hid a smile behind his hand at her admission. "But the point is, they taught us vocabulary!"

"Probably still do," Kyle said. "I just don't go to class."

"Kyle!" Lilly scolded. She opened her mouth to lecture him about skipping class, then closed it abruptly, suddenly feeling old. What was she gonna do next, tell them to eat their vegetables?

"Wave!" Kyle called, and started paddling to catch it.

"Hey, that was supposed to be mine!" Lilly yelled after him, but she didn't really mind. She had plenty of time this morning: Keith wasn't coming until eleven and she knew there was no way Miley would be up and waiting for her on the beach. She'd roused briefly last night when Miley got out of bed, and again when Miley came back, and a glance at the clock the second time had told her Miley would definitely still be dead to the world at this hour. As long as Lilly got back before ten or so and could make sure Miley was up in enough time to get ready for the meeting, she'd be fine, and that gave her another couple hours.

Just over two and a half, in fact, and she trudged through the sand up to the Stewarts' back porch just as her waterproof wristwatch display read ten o'clock. Cutting it kind of close, she thought. She and Miley would have to share a shower. Lilly smiled as her mind ran wild with the possibilities inherent in that situation, then shook her head. No no no, she chastised herself. They were trying to get ready _quickly_.

She shepherded a grumpy Miley out of bed and into the shower, flicking her shoulder when Miley woke up a little and decided to help Lilly clean certain parts of her anatomy. "Keith's gonna be here soon," Lilly said, removing Miley's soapy hand from her breast. "After the meeting," she promised. "If you're good."

Miley looked so dismayed by the prospect of the meeting that Lilly kissed her. "All right, even if you're not good," she relented, and was rewarded with an attempt to smile on Miley's part.

Lilly was right, they were cutting it close, but she managed to get both of them dressed and downstairs and half a cup of coffee into Miley before a knock came at the door. The noise made Miley hunch in on herself where she sat on one end of the couch and stare down at the surface of her coffee. Guess I'll be getting the door, Lilly thought, mentally steeling herself as she walked across the room. Here was all of the trepidation she'd been expecting before Miley's first show down here. Odds were this meeting was _not_ going to go well.

She smiled politely at Keith through the glass of the front door, pulling it open and stepping back to give him room to come in. "I'm Lilly," she introduced herself.

"Keith." He held out a hand and they shook. "You were at the Dragonfly, weren't you?"

"Yeah," Lilly said, pleased that he'd remembered her, but she didn't explain any further. She and Miley hadn't really talked about how open they were going to be about their relationship, but there wasn't anything to be gained by telling Keith about it before they even knew if he'd be working with Miley. "Miley's right in here."

Miley hadn't moved from her spot on the couch. "Miley, Keith's here," Lilly prodded her, feeling like a mother dealing with a recalcitrant child.

Miley finally dragged herself to her feet as Keith went to meet her. "Miley, it's great to see you again," he said, offering his hand.

"Hey," Miley said diffidently, taking his hand and shaking it limply.

Keith looked surprised at her lack of enthusiasm, but quickly hid it and soldiered on. "I was so glad we were able to set up a meeting. I'd really like a chance to represent you."

"Uh-huh," Miley grunted. She sat back down and crossed her arms over her chest, and Lilly glared at the back of her head. She expected Miley to at least make an effort to be civil and appear interested in what Keith had to say.

Lilly pushed the door shut and went to sit on the couch with Miley, gesturing to Keith to take the chair and giving him an encouraging smile. He gave her an unsure one back and settled gingerly on the edge of the chair. "Well, hopefully by now you've checked up on me," he said jovially. "So you know who I've managed and that I'm no stranger to this business. After hearing you, I'm confident that working together we can get you back to where you previously were."

"Uh-huh," Miley said again. As unobtrusively as possible, under the cover of changing position, Lilly elbowed her in the arm. She understood that Miley was in turmoil over taking this step, and that was one thing, but now she was just being downright rude.

Miley shifted away from her but otherwise didn't respond. Keith's sharp eyes didn't miss any of their interaction and Lilly half shrugged at him in apology. He took it in stride and after a beat he kept speaking. "I think the first thing we'd need to do is set you up with an agent. I know one who – "

"I don't want an agent," Miley said.

"I'm sorry?" Keith asked.

"I said I don't want an agent. I don't need one. I'm already playing enough as it is."

"You've had two shows in the past eleven days," Keith argued. "That's nowhere near – "

"Look," Miley started, irritated, but Lilly put a hand on her arm to stop her.

"Listen," Lilly said. "Miley's in school right now, and we're up in Seattle, so there's no way she can be playing every night down here anyway."

Keith nodded, his look of confusion clearing. "All right, that's understandable. I'd still like to see you playing more on the weekends, just to increase your exposure and start getting people used to you being back, and if we go ahead with this, after a little while I'll start putting out feelers to all of my contacts at the major labels."

"No, you won't," Miley snapped.

A pained expression crossed Keith's face. "I won't?" he asked. "Why not?"

"Because I don't know if I want a record deal," Miley said heatedly. "And _I'll_ decide how much I want to play."

"Why am I even here, then?" Keith asked, letting anger show in his voice for the first time. Lilly knew she should intervene, mediate, but she held back. She'd seen enough of Miley's mood swings since she'd started playing again to know that this kind of behavior from Miley was probably going to be typical. It would be better to find out now if Keith could deal with it or not. "If you don't know what the hell you want, then why do you even if need a manager? Why did you agree to meet with me?"

"You know, that is a really good question," Miley yelled. "I have no idea why I agreed to this and I have no idea why you're here, so maybe you should just leave!" She jumped up from the couch and raced up the stairs.

They sat in awkward silence as the sound of Miley's footsteps stomped over their heads and then cut off when a door slammed upstairs. Lilly smiled at Keith in apology for Miley's behavior. She couldn't believe Miley had stormed off like that, and she simultaneously wanted to go see if she was okay and let her sit up there by herself and stew in her own juices.

"Listen," Keith said after a moment. "I'd really like to work with Miley, but I need to know. Is she always going to be like this? Is she even really interested in another career in music? Because if she's not, I don't want to waste my time."

Lilly drummed her fingers against her knee, trying to think of how to answer his questions honestly in a way that wouldn't send him running for the hills. "I think she is interested," she said. "But I have to tell you that there's also a very good chance that she will be like this. I'd like to say she'll get easier to work with as time goes on, but I don't know if that's true." She sighed. Miley had so much baggage when it came to this, and she was going to drag it with her every step she took towards spreading her music to a wider audience. "Look...you just have to keep going with her. She might fight you tooth and nail the whole way, but she'll get there."

Keith settled back fully in the chair, like he planned on staying a while, like he planned on staying however long it took for Miley to come back down. "All right," he said. "That's what I needed to know."

Lilly raised an eyebrow. "So you're not leaving?"

"No," he said. "You know, my youngest daughter used to worship her. I mean, her entire room, everything she owned, it was all Hannah, the whole nine yards. I remember one year for her birthday I pulled some strings, got her tickets to a concert that had been sold-out...you should have seen her face when I gave those to her, and she squealed so loud I swear I couldn't hear right for a week afterwards."

He paused, obviously remembering his daughter's reaction, and Lilly laughed softly at the description. "She was so crushed when Hannah went into rehab, and then when she stopped signing," Keith continued. Lilly twisted her fingers together, not wanting to hear what came next.

"The funny thing was," he said, "so was I. I know it's pretty much normal these days for celebrities to be in and out of rehab, but Hannah was always different, she was always so _real_. What happened was so unexpected, and it felt like it was happening to someone I knew, some neighbor's kid I'd watched grow up, and I remember just wishing there was something I could do to help her. So when I heard her singing the other night I knew I wanted to work with her, to do everything I could to get her back to where she should be."

Lilly decided right then and there that she liked this man, and that Miley was going to hear him out if she had to pull her down here by her hair.

"But there is one more thing I'd like to know," Keith said.

"She's clean," Lilly said quickly.

"Are you sure?" Keith asked. "Because I saw she was drinking water at the Dragonfly, and I kept an ear out and never heard of her going back into rehab, but a lot of times rehab has a revolving door on it..."

"No," Lilly said. "Not with Miley. You were right: she _is_ different. What happened before was because of...a very specific set of circumstances that aren't going to be repeated. We've spent the past four years putting our lives back together. She hasn't had a drink or used since she went into rehab. She's clean and she's going to stay that way."

"So you're sure that what happened before isn't going to happen again?"

"Yes," Lilly said fiercely. "I won't let it."

"Good," Keith said. "Good. Because part of my daughter still loves her, and I think part of all her fans still does, and that's going to make her famous again, but I don't want to see that ruin her life. And I don't want to watch my daughter get crushed again."

"I wouldn't let her do this if I didn't think she could handle it," Lilly said.

"Good to know," Keith murmured, and Lilly realized she'd probably just tipped him off about their relationship. "Do you think she's coming back?"

"Let me go talk to her," Lilly said. She got up and headed for the stairs. "We'll be back down in a minute."

"I'll be here," he said.

Careful not to give him a repeat performance of Miley's stomping, she ascended the staircase and went down the hall to Miley's room, opening the door. Miley was sitting on the edge of the bed, her back to Lilly, Lola in her hands. She set the guitar down on the bed next to her when the door opened but didn't turn around. Lilly let anger sharpen her voice. "Okay, what was that?"

"Did he leave?" Miley asked dully.

"No, he's still downstairs," Lilly told her. "Waiting for you." She sat next to Miley on the bed and put an arm across Miley's back, resting her chin on Miley's shoulder so that they were cheek-to-cheek. "What's up, toad?"

"This was a bad idea."

"You think so?" Lilly asked.

Miley exhaled loudly. "No," she said. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me," Lilly said. "I'm not the one you walked out on."

"What did you guys talk about down there?" Miley asked.

Lilly pulled back, then pressed a kiss to Miley's temple. "You." Miley turned her head to look at Lilly and Lilly leaned forward to kiss her lightly on the lips.

"What do you think I should do?"

"I think you should call Juliana and have her draw up a contract," Lilly said. "And then I think you should go downstairs and apologize, be your charming self, and hope he'll sign it. I think he will. And then I think you should listen to what he says and do it." Miley looked at her like she was crazy. "Fine. Do most of it, anyway."

"You guys must have had quite the conversation," Miley said.

"We did. I don't think you're going to find anyone better than him, Miley. And unless you want to spend your time just playing local clubs, you need someone to get things going." She hesitated a second. "If that _is_ what you want to do, then – "

"No."

"I didn't think so." If that was what she'd wanted, Miley never would have played L.A., or agreed to this meeting in the first place. Lilly stood and offered Miley her hand. "You wanna go try this again?"

"Yeah," Miley said, taking Lilly's hand and using it to pull herself up. "I do."

———————————————

**Yeah, kind of a lot happened in that chapter. More Friday. Don't forget to VOTE tomorrow. Assuming you are a U.S. citizen. And old enough. And are registered and haven't voted already. That's probably like two of you. Whatever, I tried.**


	8. Up From The Ground

**It's nice to have people actually agree with me about subtext being there, unlike my friends, who wouldn't notice subtext if it crawled out of the television and started making out with them. **

**live2rite: Yeah, at least Heather's **_**trying**_** now.**

**coffeeandcommunity: Thank you so much. You are right about the last chapter reflecting the other Miley as well. And don't be too nervous!**

**Vanessa Riverton and ABCCJPTT: Glad you guys liked Keith. Miley isn't totally on board with him yet, but she'll come around.**

**mileymadness: Hahaha, I know, I had the same thought about fics starting just like that. And thanks, the characterization of Miley is one of the things I like most about the show; I think they've done a fantastic job with it, very spot-on, so I try to stay true to that when I'm writing.**

**Kurrent: I...had totally forgotten about Traci, actually, because clearly I am awesome like that. It's an interesting point, though. I will have to ponder if there is some way that will fit in with what I was planning. Thanks for the reviews and I hope you continue to enjoy the story.**

**And a giant thank you to everyone else who took time to review!**

———————————————

**Chapter Eight: Up From The Ground**

———————————————

_sometimes you have to be tough  
to even remember  
that you have any desires left at all,  
to believe that even one  
could be satisfied_

- Ellie Schoenfeld, "Lucien's Birthday Poem"

———————————————

**Spring Break 2012**

The Thursday night before spring break, Keith called. "You have a week off next week, right?" he asked, not even bothering with a greeting.

"Yeah," Miley said warily.

"Good. I need you down here. A producer friend of mine is going to let you use his home studio for a couple days so we can get a demo recorded."

"Already?" Miley said. "Jesus, you've only been my manager for two weeks."

"And my hands are pretty much tied until I have a demo to shop," Keith said.

"You've had me playing two shows a night the past two weekends," Miley said. "Your hands seem pretty free to me. And it's not like the labels don't know what I sound like."

"Oh, so you want me to sell you using Hannah's sound?" Keith asked. "I'm sorry, this whole time I've been thinking you wanted to distance yourself from that."

"Screw you, Keith," Miley said, angry because she knew he was right.

"Only after I get a demo," he told her. "We're in the studio Monday and Tuesday, so you can just stay down here after your shows this weekend if that makes it any easier."

"We'll see," Miley said, and hung up. She set the phone on the coffee table and sat hunched over, elbows on her knees and her face in her hands. Things kept happening so quickly. She wasn't ready. But the truth was she didn't know if she'd ever be ready, and her pulse was racing from excitement as well as fear. Part of her couldn't wait to get back in a studio, and that scared her even more.

Lilly thundered down the stairs. "Hey, Miley – " She broke off. Miley kept her head in her hands. "Who was on the phone?" Lilly asked, and her voice was completely different now. Worried.

Miley sighed and dropped her hands. "Keith."

"What did he want?" Lilly came to sit beside her on the couch, loosely wrapping an arm around Miley's back.

"He wants me to record a demo next week," Miley said mournfully.

"Well, that's a good thing, isn't it?" Lilly asked. She shifted position and started kneading at Miley's neck and shoulders. Miley let her head fall forward to give her better access. Her whole back was knotted up and Lilly's hands felt amazing.

"It's kind of fast," Miley mumbled. The idea of being in a studio again, recording again...that felt like it would be starting over for real. She really wasn't sure she was ready for that.

Lilly's hands paused, then resumed their massage when Miley made a noise in protest. "It's not that fast," she said. "You've been playing for over a month and a half now, three weeks in L.A., and it's not like you're an unknown. Keith's just doing his job."

"I know," Miley said. That didn't make this any easier.

"And you said you were going to give this a try," Lilly reminded her. "Otherwise there wasn't much point in hiring him."

"I _know_," Miley said.

"And we were thinking about spending spring break in Malibu anyway."

Why was everyone so fucking determined to force her back into a singing career? "Can we just...not talk about this now?" That wasn't a fair assessment, she knew. Lilly was right, Keith was just doing his job, and Lilly was only trying to help. She just couldn't deal with this right now. She just needed a little time. Was that really so much to ask?

"Okay," Lilly said. "You can call Keith back tomorrow."

Anger flared up and then died just as quickly into a dull, hopeless resignation. She shrugged off Lilly's hands. Evidently it was.

———————————————

She had every intention of telling him no, to wait until summer, the end of summer, maybe. But he didn't ask her about it again until after her first show on Friday night, while she was still buzzing from it, so instead she told him to tell his friend they'd be there. The way he said he would made her think he already had.

He picked her up early Monday morning, drove her to a house in Lakewood on a quiet, tree-lined street that was wide enough to allow cars to park on either side of it. "Jerry's going to be grumpy we're starting before noon," Keith said, pulling up behind a beat-up gray van on the left side of the road and parking. The house was one-story, small and white with dark green shutters, virtually indistinguishable from all the other houses on the street. Two other cars filled the short driveway.

"Who else is here?" Miley asked, not really caring how this Jerry was feeling. She was more concerned that this not turn out to be a big production. That, and the fact that right now her chest was so choked with nerves she didn't know if she'd even be able to sing.

Keith pointed to first one car, then the other. "Jerry and his wife," he said, then shifted his finger to the van. "And that's D.G.'s. He's the sound engineer who'll be working with us. Don't worry, this'll be really relaxed. Jerry's got a nice set-up, but it's still his house, so we won't have the clock working against us like at a studio. He's a friend of mine, and so's D.G., so they're giving us a break on their fees."

"I'm not really concerned with the financials," Miley said.

Keith chuckled. "Maybe you aren't, but I am. Old habits." He undid his seatbelt and opened the car door. "Come on. The sooner we get started, the sooner you're done with this and you can go enjoy your vacation." When she'd called back last week to say she'd do this, Miley had made him promise he wouldn't make her to do any shows for the rest of the week or the weekend. She and Lilly were going to fly back to Seattle early Saturday morning and spend a quiet weekend at home. They hadn't had many of those lately.

Miley unbuckled her seatbelt and got out of the car, following Keith up the driveway to the front door. "You really think we can get this done in two days?"

"With just you and the guitar? Easily," Keith said. "It's just a demo, it doesn't have to be perfect. And D.G. will mix it Wednesday, you can listen to it Thursday and see if anything needs tweaking. We'll have a finished cd by Thursday night. I know the head of A&R over at Pacific and I want to have this to her by Friday."

Miley shivered and decided to pretend like she hadn't heard him say that last part. She couldn't think about that right now or she wouldn't be able to sing.

"Hell," Keith continued, "considering who you are, you were probably right and we don't even need a demo, but I want them to hear your new sound, plus this'll show them like nothing else you've still got the talent to be a viable commodity." He knocked on the front door, then pushed it open without waiting for someone to answer it. Great, Miley thought. Because being a commodity had worked out so well for her last time.

The door opened straight into a tastefully decorated living room. A short, slightly pudgy man with light brown hair who looked to be in his mid-thirties stepped out of one of the doorways to their right. "Hey, Keith, man," he greeted, holding out a hand for Keith to slap. "And you must be Miley. I'm Jerry."

"Hey," Miley said, accepting the hand he proffered and shaking it.

"You wanna see where we're be working? The studio's right in here." He stuck a thumb over his shoulder towards the door he'd come out of.

The studio was a fairly large room that had been sectioned off into two smaller parts to form a control room in the front and the studio proper in the back. A mixing console and a digital audio workstation were set up in the control room, and Miley saw that the studio itself was padded with duvets on the walls.

"Nice," she laughed, finally feeling some of the tightness in her chest start to loosen. This couldn't be more different from a professional recording studio, though the console certainly looked like it would be at home in one.

"Yeah, well, I haven't gotten around to getting it soundproofed for real yet," Jerry said. He laid a hand on the shoulder of the wire-thin Asian guy with bushy hair seated in front of the soundboard. "This is D.G."

"Hey," D.G. said, turning around halfway and giving a little wave. Miley nodded at him and he went back to fiddling with the soundboard, reaching over occasionally to adjust something on the laptop.

"So Keith tells me you're anxious to get this over with," Jerry said.

"You could say that," Miley said.

"Let's get started, then. You bring your guitar?"

Shit. She'd been so wound up, she'd forgotten to bring it in. "Uh, yeah, it's out in the car. Lemme just run and get it."

"Here," Keith said, tossing her his keys. Miley caught them and ducked out of the room, going back out the front door and walking across the lawn to the car. She retrieved Lola from the backseat and relocked the car, standing for a moment on the grass and letting her head tilt back.

The sky was actually blue above her, not gray from smog, and the leaves of the trees lining the street seemed a brighter green than usual. It was spring, and that might not mean much in L.A., but where she was from it was time for starting over.

Miley squared her shoulders and went back inside.

———————————————

"All right, how did that sound?' D.G. asked, his voice coming through the intercom and following on the heels of the latest take of the chorus of _Different Stars_ he'd just played back through Miley's headphones.

Miley wrinkled her nose at him through the glass. "I don't know...it sounds a little squashed."

That was a running joke that had sprung up between the two of them over the past two days. D.G.'s eyes had almost bugged out of his head yesterday morning when he'd asked what she thought of the first track they'd laid down and she'd matter-of-factly told him she thought the equalizer levels were set a little too high. No one had told him who she was, and he hadn't recognized her, and since she was making a demo he'd assumed she'd never been in a studio before. He'd sputtered out his astonishment and she'd laughed and said she'd try to make her comments less technical if that would make things easier on him.

"Squashed, huh?" D.G. said, pretending to look thoughtful. "I'll get right on that."

Miley laughed. "No, seriously, the reverb's off."

"Yeah, I thought so, too," he answered. "I'm tweaking it."

"And I'm getting coffee."

"Shocker," D.G. said under his breath before taking his finger off the intercom.

The headphones were wrapped around the back of her neck, only half-on one ear. Miley pulled them off and set them on her stool, then walked out of the studio. "I heard that."

"You were supposed to," he told her.

"Bitch," she said lightly.

"Bastard," he retorted. Miley was surprised at how much she genuinely liked the young sound engineer, and how quickly they'd developed a good working rapport. It helped that his musical background, both professionally and personally, was mostly in rap and he didn't really know anything about Hannah Montana. It didn't feel like he was sitting there comparing her to her previous incarnation.

"You want some coffee?" Miley asked.

"Yeah," D.G. said. "I think we're looking at maybe another hour or two before we get out of here."

Miley checked her watch as she walked down the short hall to the kitchen where Jerry's wife always kept a pot of coffee going. It was already past nine. So much for easily getting this done in two days.

Jerry and Keith were both in the kitchen talking, which explained why Jerry hadn't come back when he'd left half an hour ago to get a sandwich. "Hey," Keith said. "I just dropped in to see how things are going."

"Slower than you thought they would," Miley said. "Doesn't help you stole my producer." She went to grab two cups out of the cabinet and pour coffee into both.

Keith remained unruffled. "Yeah, like you really need a producer for a demo. He's only here because it's his house."

"Oh, I see how it is," Jerry said. "You're only using me because I have all the cool toys."

"That, and your wife's hot," Keith agreed.

"Keith, man, she's your _sister!_" Jerry said.

Caught with a gulp of coffee in her mouth, Miley had to swallow it quickly or risk spitting it out. It went down the wrong way and she spent a moment coughing before she could speak. "Is she really?"

"No," Jerry laughed.

"She's not hot, either," Keith joked.

"That's it," Jerry said, pointing to the back door. "Out of my house!"

"You two scare me," Miley told them. "Seriously. I'm going back to hang out with D.G., at least he's something approaching normal." She used the short walk back to the studio to try and put head back into recording mode. What Keith had said was true, she really hadn't seen that much of Jerry, partially because this _was_ just a demo and partially because Miley wasn't really open to anyone telling her how to shape her music right now. But he seemed all right, and the few suggestions he'd made had been helpful and not pushy. She wouldn't mind working with him again, maybe, for real. If she got to that point.

Despite Keith's frequent use of the word 'we' when he'd talked about doing this, she'd seen even less of him than Jerry over the past few days, which was fine with her. Even though she knew how important it was for her to have a good relationship with him, she was still a little ticked about recording a demo so quickly and was in no hurry to spend time around the man who was making it happen. Especially not when he had a tendency to bring up how many A&R people he knew.

Toeing open the door, she deposited D.G.'s coffee next to the DAW, draining half of hers in one go and leaving it next to his since there wasn't anywhere to put it in the studio. D.G. didn't look up from the keyboard but grunted his thanks.

Her stomach growled as she went back into the booth and picked up the headphones. They hadn't had anything to eat since they broke at noon. Another check of her watch told her it was now almost nine-thirty. Her dad had said he was going to take everyone out to dinner tonight to celebrate the demo being finished, but that wasn't going to happen now. They'd probably already eaten without her. Screw it, Miley thought. She was over this.

"We're done in twenty minutes," Miley announced to D.G.

He looked up at her, then pressed the intercom button. "Sure we are," he said. "As long as you sing it right this time."

"Me?" Miley said. "You're the one who keeps fucking shit up."

D.G. laughed. "Just sing," he told her, so she did.

———————————————

Wednesday morning Miley declared they weren't leaving the beach for the whole day: an entire day of doing nothing but lounging around on the sand, which after all was how you were supposed to spend spring break. This was the first time since her family had moved to Malibu that she hadn't had a tan, and she intended to remedy that situation. And, she informed Lilly as they picked their way across the sand, no one had better even _think_ about saying anything about the demo. She certainly wasn't going to.

"Got it," Lilly said, dropping her rolled-up towel at an empty spot and switching her surfboard to the other arm. "Can I go surf now?"

"You spent the past two days surfing," Miley said. She stepped up close to Lilly and leaned slightly into her, dropping her voice to a low drawl. "Wouldn't you rather sit with me?"

Lilly whimpered and looked back and forth between Miley and the ocean, visibly torn.

"Oh, just go," Miley told her, and Lilly took off running.

"I'll sit with you after lunch," she promised over her shoulder.

Unless the waves are good, Miley thought, and shook her head, smiling. She spread her own towel out on the sand and lay down, slipping off her sunglasses and then closing her eyes against the glare.

The next thing she knew, cold drops of water rained down on her and she jerked awake, opening her eyes to see Lilly standing above her, wringing her hair out over Miley's body. She grinned when she saw Miley looking at her. "You're lucky I got hungry," she said. "It's not too smart to fall asleep in the sun."

"What time is it?" Miley asked, leveraging herself up on her elbows.

"Almost noon."

It had been forty-five minutes and she'd meant to put on more sunscreen and turn over after twenty. And, okay, she might not have been sleeping the greatest the past few nights, but yeah, falling asleep on the beach was stupid. "I hope I'm not burned."

"We could go back to the house," Lilly suggested. Miley glared at her. "And get the umbrella, because we're staying out on the beach all day," Lilly added quickly.

"Lilly!" someone yelled, and three boys came racing up from the water, skidding to a halt next to Lilly and spraying sand across Miley's stomach. "Oops, sorry," one of them apologized. Miley sat up the rest of the way and tried to brush the sand off, mostly just getting it stuck to her hands.

"Miley, this is Joel, Kyle, and Sam," Lilly said, introducing them properly even though Miley knew well enough who they were and was pretty sure they knew who she was, too. "Joel, Kyle, Sam, this is Miley."

They all chorused heys at her, but she focused on the one in the middle. "So you're Joel, huh?" she asked, her expression unfriendly.

"Yes?" he said nervously.

"Miley," Lilly said, in a voice that meant _behave_. Miley glanced at her and Lilly raised an eyebrow; Miley sighed a little and gave in. She supposed it wasn't really his fault he had a crush on Lilly. In Miley's opinion all sensible people would.

"Nice to meet you," she told Joel, nodding at the other two. "All of you."

"You should come to the beach with Lilly more," Kyle said.

"Miley's been kinda busy the past few days," Lilly explained.

"Doing what?" Joel asked, and then paled when Miley frowned at him. Like it was any of his business what she'd been doing.

"She – " It was Miley's turn to raise an eyebrow at her girlfriend, because they were not talking about that today. "...I'll tell you tomorrow," Lilly finished in a mutter, and Miley almost laughed.

"You guys want to go to lunch with us?" Sam asked. "We're heading down to Rico's."

Miley stared down at the towel under her, didn't look at Lilly, tried not to wonder if Oliver still hung out there. "Maybe next time," she heard Lilly say after a pause that went on just a second too long. "I think we're gonna go eat back at the house."

The boys left and Miley still didn't look up. "Hey," Lilly said, poking Miley's leg with her toe. "Come on, you need to get out of the sun."

They collected their towels and Lilly got her surfboard and they started for the house. "Let's go see a movie after lunch," Miley said, suddenly not so eager to come back to the beach.

———————————————

Keith brought the finished cd by Thursday afternoon. "D.G. said to tell you he burned this one especially for you," he told her dryly when they got back, and Miley saw why as soon as he handed it to her.

The cd was the kind that let you burn a label directly on it, and this one read _masterfully mixed for the marvelous miley by the dashing dg_. "He's so modest, that's what I really liked about him," Miley said sarcastically, shaking her head and thinking she'd have to find some way to work with him again.

Lilly snatched the cd out of her hands and bolted over to where the stereo was set up on a table against the wall next to the piano. "I wanna hear it, I wanna hear it, I wanna hear it!" Miley, Keith, and Robby Ray just stared at her in amusement. It was best to stay out of Lilly's way when she was excited about something.

"D.G. also said to tell you he can remix if anything sounds off to you," Keith said. "But he seemed pretty confident you'd be happy with this."

"I'll just bet he did," Miley said. She sat next to her dad on the couch and slumped down to lean her head against his arm, not sure she wanted to hear this.

Lilly slid the cd into the player and a few seconds later the intro to _Mango Tree_ filled the room. No one said anything until all four songs had played.

"Well?" Keith asked.

Lilly hit the play button to start the cd again and then dashed over to the couch, wrapping her arms around Miley's neck from behind and kissing the top of her head. "Oh my god, that was _awesome!_" she squealed.

Miley let out a strangled gurgle in response. If Lilly put any more pressure on her neck, she was going to crush Miley's windpipe.

Robby Ray chuckled at Lilly's enthusiasm. "You do sound good, bud."

Miley pulled Lilly's arms away from her throat and sucked in some much needed air. "Yeah, it was all right," she said. She had to admit, it was kind of exciting to have recorded something again.

"So, I'm good to start shopping this?" Keith asked.

Lilly's arms tightened again and she bounced up and down, making Miley's head feel like it was about to pop off and her teeth slam together. She narrowly missed biting her tongue in two. "Gck," Miley said, reaching back and slapping at Lilly to get her to let go.

Keith grinned. "I'm taking that as a yes."

———————————————

The bar was two blocks from the beach and obviously catered to the surfer/student crowd. Neon flyers promoting Ladies' Night and $5 pitchers on Wednesdays vied for space on the front windows with Roommate-Wanted notices and ads for local bands. There was a patio out front where cheap plastic chairs surrounded equally cheap tables with sun-faded red-and-white umbrellas stuck through their centers. The umbrellas were currently folded down on themselves; three o'clock in the afternoon meant the bar would likely be almost deserted, and it was still too hot to sit outside anyway.

Miley stood across the street, steeling herself. She was glad she'd done her drinking at home or backstage, in limos or at parties or exclusive clubs she swaggered into past ten-block-long lines, already half-drunk and strung out on Ecstasy. It had never been at bars like this one, which made this a little easier. But she knew once she made it through the door and saw the bottles lining the wall, glass gleaming like jewels, the light winking off them like greetings from old friends welcoming her back, well –

It would get a lot harder.

But this was her last chance: she'd missed him at school, and they were going back to Seattle tomorrow and she didn't know the next time they'd both be back. She didn't think she could do this without knowing Lilly would be at the house when she got back. And now that Keith was going to be actively shopping her to labels she was running out of time. If she got back into the public eye this would never work. Already it seemed to be getting easier for people to recognize her; she thought whatever it was Angel had done was wearing off.

She forced herself across the street and into the bar. The door was propped open and the air conditioning was off, but ceiling fans and a large rotating floor fan in the back kept the air circulating. The inside of the place was dark after the sunshine outside, but Miley kept her sunglasses on. The bar was on the left wall, the stools in front of it all empty, and a big screen TV hung down from the ceiling on a metal arm, positioned so that it was visible to the entire room and currently showing a soccer match on mute.

She was the only person in the whole bar. She hovered uncertainly right inside the door, not wanting to get too far away from her escape route. Then the door in the back next to the bathrooms swung open and he walked through, arms bulging around a cardboard box with bottle necks poking out of the top of it. Miley felt her breath catch. Some things were still the same: the hair flopping in his eyes, and the dopey smile and chicken-nod he gave when he saw her. He was taller, though, and the muscle definition she could see on his arms and through his tight black t-shirt was definitely new.

It's not really him, she reminded herself. You never really knew this boy.

"Hey," he said, easily lifting the box higher to set it on top of the bar and walking around behind it. "Sorry, I was in the back. What can I get you?"

Miley stepped forward, stopped. The bottles called to her. They were arranged so neatly behind the bar, so perfectly. She knew exactly how each one would feel in her hand, the weight cool and reassuring in her palm. Knew exactly the soothing sloshing sound of a half-full bottle, a lullaby; the cheerful way ice clinked in the glass as bourbon was poured over it, the promise of happiness. Knew exactly how light would make tequila shine amber, the glow wrapping around her like a lover's hug. And she knew with utter certainty that this longing, this pull, would never go away, that she would have to fight against it until the day she died. The knowledge made her weary, and only sharpened the urge to drink.

Don't think about that, she ordered herself. Think about him. She took a deep breath and cleared her throat to break up all the half-formed drink orders that were caught there. "Uh, club soda."

He raised an eyebrow at that but shrugged. "Sure."

By the time he got a glass and filled it she was able to make herself cross the rest of the way to the bar and settle on one of the stools. He busied himself unloading the box, switching the bottles out with empty ones from behind the bar while she sipped her drink and tried not to be too obvious about staring at him. Hopefully the sunglasses helped with that, as well as providing another layer against recognition.

"Thursday night staff never restocks," he complained good-naturedly, and then peered at her. "Hey, you look kind of familiar."

Damn, Miley thought. "Yeah, I, uh, I've been in here before," she said quickly. "You're Oliver, right?"

He nodded and grinned at her. "That's me. I can't believe such a beautiful woman knows my name and I have no idea what hers is."

Miley laughed. "Ah, you're just fishing for a big tip," she accused.

He held up both hands and his smile widened. "Guilty!" he joked, and Miley laughed again. He looked at her and raised another eyebrow and she realized that he was waiting for her to introduce herself.

"Oh. I'm, uh, I'm...Rayanne," she said, modifying her middle name and wincing inwardly at the lie. But he knew too much about Hannah. If she gave her real name he'd know it immediately. She should have thought of a better name before she came in, but she hadn't really planned on talking to him. She'd just wanted to see him. To make sure with her own eyes that he was okay.

"Well, Rayanne, I apologize for not remembering your name. I promise it won't happen again." He gave a little bow and pulled out a rag from under the bar, wiping at the dark wood finish next to her.

"Don't worry, it was pretty busy the last time I was in here, so I won't hold it against you," Miley said, smiling. "Your tip is safe."

"Thank god," he said, pantomiming flicking sweat off his brow. "But, hey, just because I want the tip doesn't mean the flattery is false. I mean, I'd totally be asking for your number right now if my girlfriend wouldn't skin me alive."

"Even if yours wouldn't, mine would," Miley laughed. "Giving out my number to random bartenders? She'd kill me faster than green grass through a goose." She saw his eyes go wide at her admission and rushed to ask a question so there wouldn't be an awkward silence. It surprised her a little, how much she wanted him to be okay with what she'd said, even though they were strangers, even though he used to go through her garbage and steal things from her house. He was still Oliver. "So what's her name?"

"Huh?" he asked, confused for a second. "Oh, Kim. Yeah, she's pretty great. We've been together for almost a year. We're both sophomores over at Cal State."

"Is that how you met?" Miley asked, trying hard to keep her voice casual, though she was almost desperate to hear the answer, to know the kinds of things she couldn't find out by looking him up online.

"Yeah, we're both business majors, we met in class last year." He walked back up and stood across from her. "So, girlfriend, huh? Is she hot?"

Miley let out a surprised bark of laughter. "You – " She cut herself off. She'd almost called him a doughnut. Stupid, _stupid_. She shook her head to try and push down the anger and panic at her own idiocy. He was looking at her quizzically. "Never mind," she said. "Yeah, she's hot."

"Nice," he drawled, offering his fist over the bar, which she weakly bumped with her own. He glanced around as though looking for something and then turned back to her. "Hey, I gotta run in the back for sec, okay? But I'll be right back." He started walking backwards towards the door, pointing at her with both hands. "Don't leave until I get more details about this hot girlfriend."

But she bolted as soon as the door swung shut behind him. She left five hundred dollars on the bar, but that wasn't even close to enough.

———————————————

Miley stalked through the door and into the house, heading straight into the kitchen and yanking open the fridge without saying a word to her dad, Jackson, and Lilly, who were all piled on the couch playing some stupid video game.

"Miley?" Lilly called, and Robby Ray echoed her with, "Miles? What's goin' on?"

Miley ignored them, concentrating instead on the contents of the fridge. There was a pitcher of lemonade on the top shelf and she pulled it out, leaving the door hanging open while she grabbed a glass from the cabinet and poured it full. She put the pitcher back with so much force that the lemonade splashed up over the side, spilling on the shelf and dribbling over the edge to the floor.

"Fuck," Miley said softly. She went to set the glass down so she could get some paper towels to clean it up, but she misjudged the distance and it tipped off the counter and shattered on the floor, lemonade and shards of glass going everywhere. Miley slammed the fridge shut and stared at the mess. "God_damn_ it!"

In the living room, the sound of the game cut off abruptly. The sudden silence was like a slap, and she could feel their eyes on her back. She crossed her arms over her chest and screwed her eyes shut, trying to keep from screaming. Lilly murmured something to the boys, too low for Miley to make out, but it was easy enough to guess when they both filed up the stairs without a word. Footsteps came up behind her and Lilly's hand settled on her shoulder. "Hey," she said.

"There's glass," Miley said. Her voice cracked in the middle.

"I've got shoes on," Lilly told her. Glass crunched under her feet as she circled Miley and pulled her into a hug. "What happened?"

The question broke the dam and Miley sagged against her, sobbing, trembling so hard she couldn't even free her arms to wrap them around Lilly. Lilly only tightened her hold and waited for the tears to let up. It didn't take long: they exhausted themselves as quickly as a summer squall and left Miley feeling like a washed-out, debris-strewn stretch of sand in its wake.

She sucked in a breath and straightened; Lilly let her go. "Sorry," Miley muttered. She ripped paper towels off the roll and started to kneel to mop up the lemonade, but Lilly stopped her with hands on her shoulders that moved to wipe at the lingering wetness on Miley's face.

"How is he?" she asked quietly. Miley's eyes shot to hers.

"How did you – " She shook her head. It didn't matter. Lilly always knew. "He's fine. He's good. He, uh, he's got a girlfriend. Kim. It sounded pretty serious."

"Yeah?" Lilly took the paper towels from her and crouched, pressing them into the pale yellow puddle. The lemonade quickly soaked through them. "That's good."

"Yeah. They're both business majors." Miley grabbed more paper towels and handed them down to Lilly, then got the trash can and knelt carefully, taking the sopping, dripping mass on the floor and throwing it away while Lilly wiped at the rest of the puddle with the fresh towels. "And he's bartending. He's pretty good at it, too, he's got that charming-flirtation thing down."

"Oliver learned how to flirt?" Lilly asked in disbelief. "No way. But I guess it makes sense about him bartending. Remember that time he took Jackson's job at Rico's?"

"Yeah," Miley said. She licked her lips. "I, uh, I told him. About us. Sort of."

Lilly stopped moving. "What did he say?"

"He asked if you were hot."

Lilly laughed, a short, sharp burst that mirrored Miley's reaction to his comment. She finished wiping up the lemonade and tossed the paper towels in the trash. "God, what a doughnut."

"I know, right?" Miley said, half-sniffling and half-chuckling. Putting the trash can back, she got the broom out and swept the glass into a pile.

Lilly hopped up to sit on the counter and watched her. "I miss him, you know?" she said after a minute. "I miss him all the time."

"I know," Miley said. She swept the pile into the dustpan and carried it over to the trash to dump. The pieces of glass scraped against each other with a noise like nails on a chalkboard and caught the light, sparkling like diamonds or tears. "So do I."

———————————————

**Okay, have a good weekend, you guys! We are off to Tennessee to hit the mountains and look at leaves that have probably all fallen already. Good times, good times.**


	9. Crash Right Into It

**TutorGurlTigger, live2rite, lita rocks LbC, and everyone else who commented about Oliver: No, he's not going to be in the story again. They aren't going to make up with him. live2rite hit it on the head by saying that too much stuff has happened for that to work. And, mileymadness, yeah, he wouldn't believe them if they told him the truth. That's why they don't tell **_**anyone**_**. (Well. Maybe one person. But that's another story.) **

**coffeeandcommunity: Omg, I**_** love**_** MSCL. I actually have two copies of it on dvd, because I bought it when it first came out, and then they re-released it last year with bonus materials, and, well. **_**Bonus materials**_**. I am so easy. Also, I've never actually bartended, but I went to bartending school at one point because I was bored, and it's coming in handy now since the alcohol crap is like the only thing I don't have to research for this story.**

**Qym: Yeah, she definitely has a better support system now. And I think she does realize that, at least somewhat, but you know. She still has issues.**

**Kurrent: The leaves were great! Accidentally getting stuck in Pigeon Forge for three hours? Not so much. And I'm glad you think I'm doing well so far walking that line of the world being different, because on the one hand what happened to them will never stop mattering, but on the other hand, at some point you're just like, "Okay, I **_**get **__**it**_** already. Let's move on. "**

**ShadySkills5: I will go ahead and tell you they are never going to go home. Ever. They will be in this verse until the day they die.  
**

**Thanks to everyone for the reviews.**

———————————————

**Chapter Nine: Crash Right Into It**

———————————————

_Take your veil down  
See your eyes in mine  
Leave the rest behind  
Hit the ground, babe,  
Hit the ground and run_

- Lizz Wright, _Hit The Ground_

———————————————

**May 2012**

The meeting was set for four, but they were in the parking lot by three-thirty. They, because Miley had insisted that Lilly come along. Moral support, she said. Keith and Juliana were meeting them in the office at a quarter til. Pacific had sent over a contract offer a week ago after several preliminary conversations between Keith and someone in A&R his friend had set them up with and Juliana and their legal department. This meeting was supposed to be the first serious negotiation, as well as a chance for the A&R liaison to meet Miley.

At least, Lilly reflected, it was possible for her to be there. The timing of the meeting was perfect, because her first summer class started June fourth, and she was flying back to Seattle on the third, which left her with just five more days in L.A. Spring semester had ended the second week of May, so they'd both been in Malibu for the past two and a half weeks, and Miley had been down to play almost every weekend since spring break, except during exams.

Miley was a bundle of nerves the whole drive over, and Lilly was worried about her and glad she'd come. But the instant Miley opened the passenger door and got out of the car, all traces of nervousness disappeared.

A shiver of recognition ran down Lilly's spine as she followed her girlfriend into the office building. Miley looked like Hannah. Not the clothes or the hair, but the way she was walking, the way she carried herself, the air of confidence emanating from her. Hannah had always had that, Lilly remembered. It wasn't self-esteem, which Miley'd had in spades, but a confidence born of knowing that even at twelve or fourteen others viewed her as important, and that what she had to say would be taken seriously.

The waiting room was nice, with comfortably upholstered chairs, posters of some of the artists Pacific represented, and a small table with a coffeemaker and stacks of styrofoam cups on it, but it was still just a waiting room. Miley sprawled in one of the chairs and idly flipped through one of the Rolling Stones from a stack spread out on the low table in front of the chairs. She was the perfect picture of relaxation to any casual viewer, but Lilly could tell from the way her eyes flickered restlessly around the room that the nerves from earlier were still present, just hidden.

Seconds dragged by. Finally, Juliana arrived, a few minutes early even though it felt like they'd been waiting for hours.

"Hey, Juliana," Miley greeted her coolly.

"What the fuck is this shit?" Juliana said. "You can't get off your ass to say hello? I don't get a hug? A fucking handshake?"

"Fuck you," Miley said. She slouched down in the chair and closed her eyes.

"Lilly," Juliana said, nodding at her, and Lilly nodded back.

"Juliana." Lilly liked the woman, if not her mouth. Juliana liked her, too, thankfully, mostly, Lilly thought, because she didn't know the other Lilly's full history with Miley. Not like Paul, who still didn't trust Lilly, and who had spent weeks trying to dissuade Miley when she'd demanded that Lilly have access to her bank accounts. Good thing he didn't know about the will.

Keith showed up a minute later. "They're making you wait?" he asked, starting to get angry.

"We were waiting for _you_," Miley muttered. "We didn't tell them we're here." Even after three months, Miley still hadn't made up her mind as to whether or not she liked the man, though he'd more than won Lilly's approval for the deft way he handled Miley. He was almost as adept at cajoling her into things as Lilly herself.

"Well, I'm here now, and we're not waiting. Come on." He strode towards the reception desk, and Miley and Lilly unfolded themselves from their chairs and followed after him and Juliana. This was a tactic, Miley had told Lilly earlier: show up early and make them scramble to get ready for you. A fairly useless tactic, since it was common and therefore expected. Either that or its opposite – showing up late and making them wait for you – were standard practice from the way Miley described it. It was a wonder anything ever got done in this business.

The receptionist smiled smoothly when Keith announced them, pressing a button on her keyboard and speaking into the headset clipped to her ear, too low for them to hear what she said. "Mr. Thompson will be right out," she told them.

Not thirty seconds later, he was. "Call me Jay," he said immediately, not giving them a chance to call him anything. Jay Thompson was tall, over six feet, with dark hair, hazel eyes, and a greasy but disarming smile. He was dressed in gray suit pants and a white dress shirt, the sleeves of which were rolled halfway up his arms. His navy blue and silver patterned tie was loosened, hanging down an inch below his collar. Lilly got the feeling that was all another tactic. "I have to tell you it's an honor to meet you, Ms. Montana."

Miley's back went ramrod-straight. "Stewart."

Jay's smile slipped a fraction. "I'm sorry?"

"My name," Miley said icily, "is Miley Stewart. And if you call me Hannah Montana again, I'm walking."

"I apologize, and I assure you, it won't happen again, Ms. Stewart," Jay said, the smile restored to its previous level. He shook Miley's hand and then Keith's and Juliana's, glancing over Lilly before apparently deciding she didn't rate a handshake, which was his second big mistake. Miley's eyes narrowed and Lilly put a hand on the small of her back for a second, just long enough to get Miley to look over at her. Lilly shook her head slightly, silently telling Miley not to make a big deal about it. They had other things to worry about. Miley frowned at her but subsided.

The conference room down the hall was as richly furnished as the waiting room had been. A large, cherry-stained table polished to a high sheen dominated the room. Six chairs lined each side with one each at the head and foot of the table. A small sideboard stood against the back wall, with a silver tray and gently steaming silver urn on it. Coffee cups, real ones this time, were stacked next to it.

Keith took the chair one seat down from the head on the side closest to the door, Juliana sitting beside him, Miley taking the next one and Lilly settling on her other side. She looked up in surprise as four more people filed in the door and took seats on the opposite side of the table, next to Jay.

"Ooo, we're outnumbered," Lilly whispered to Miley, who smothered a smile.

"Before we get down to business, would you like anything to drink?" Jay asked. "We've got coffee – " He gestured to the urn. " – or I can have Monica bring something in."

"Coffee," Miley said, lounging in her chair and playing the role of disinterested rock star to the hilt. Lilly was split between exasperation – they didn't have a record deal yet – and the desire to unobtrusively touch Miley in support because she knew this was Miley's way of distancing herself from the meeting in case things went badly.

The man sitting farthest away from Jay jumped up and poured a cup from the urn. "Would you like – "

"No," Miley said shortly. The man nodded and carefully placed the coffee in front of Miley, who ignored it in favor of pretending to pick dirt out from under her fingernail. Lilly reached out under the table and flicked Miley's thigh, shaking her head again when Miley looked over at her. Enough was enough. There was nothing to be gained from being rude. Even if Jay was turning out to be an idiot, he still held all the cards in this situation. Miley poked her lower lip out for the barest fraction of a second, but she sat up straight and took a sip of the coffee, plastering a pleasant expression on her face that was so obviously fake Lilly had to pinch herself to keep from laughing. Who knew meeting with record company suits could be so entertaining?

The man went around the table getting coffee for everyone else while all the other suits pulled papers out of the black leather folders they had in front of them. They all had laptops as well, the new paper-thin MacBooks, which they now. Juliana responded by pulling out her own laptop, as well as a thick stack of papers that Lilly suspected was the initial offer the label had sent over.

"Let's get started, shall we?" Jay said, and they did.

"Well, the first thing we need to discuss is the royalty deductions," Juliana said, sliding a piece of paper across the table, one that the man next to Jay glanced at, snorted, and slid right back. They launched into a rapid-fire discussion that had Miley obviously bored out of her skull inside of two minutes but Lilly followed with interest. Although followed might have been too strong a word, since she only understood about a third of the legal jargon they were spouting. Give me a few years and law school, Lilly thought, and I could be doing this.

After almost an hour of back-and-forth they seemed to come to some kind of agreement, though Lilly had lost track of what the terms were. Juliana glanced at Keith, who nodded once, and then at Miley, who shrugged. "Of course, we'll want to take these back and review them," Juliana said, referring to the sheaf of papers with the proposed deal on them, which now had scribbles all over the margins and half the lines crossed out. "But I think we may be in business."

"I'll have a clean copy faxed to your office," Jay said. He flicked a finger at the man sitting next to him, who hit a key on his laptop with a flourish and looked up. "Done," he announced.

"Well, if there's nothing else, I'll call your office tomorrow and set up a time to finalize," said Juliana. Miley put her hands on the table and started to stand.

"Actually," Jay said, and Miley dropped back into her seat, looking decidedly unhappy. Lilly tapped a foot against hers in sympathy; she was more than ready to get out of here herself. "There's just one little thing I wanted to bring up. I'm sure it won't take long to deal with." His voice was so oily slick Lilly instantly disbelieved him.

"Of course, in preparation for this meeting, I familiarized myself with your music," Jay continued, nodding at Miley. "And I became concerned, because with some of the songs, the, uh, love songs, it seems like it could be construed that you're singing to another woman."

Crap, Lilly thought. Miley's whole body tensed, coiled with energy so that she looked like a cat about to pounce. Lilly put a hand on her thigh. Under the table.

"That's not something we're really interested in marketing right now," Jay continued. Miley stole one of the papers on the table and took Juliana's pen, using it to scribble something in the margins, looking up at Jay occasionally to show she was still paying attention. "So I'm sure you can understand why we wouldn't want consumers confused on that point."

"Mr. Thompson," Juliana started. Miley slid the paper over to Lilly. _Miley like a puma_, it said, and when Lilly looked at her, she winked. Lilly relaxed a fraction. "We just finished agreeing to deliver a product that is _technically_ satisfactory, not commercially, you don't have any – "

"Of course, that's perfectly understandable, Jay," Miley broke in smoothly. "We wouldn't want people to be confused about what they're getting. Tell you what, why don't you give me tonight to, uh, brainstorm a few ideas, and we can meet again tomorrow so I can run those past you."

It was a tie as to whether Jay looked happier or Keith and Juliana looked more shocked. Lilly had to fight to keep her own face blank. She'd known Miley way too long to think this was going to end well.

Unfortunately, Jay didn't share her knowledge. "I think that would work perfectly, Ms. Stewart. And I must say I'm impressed at how accommodating you're being. I can tell it's going to be a pleasure working with you."

Miley inclined her head graciously. Oh, yeah. Definitely not going to end well. "Tomorrow at two o'clock?"

"Three," Keith said hastily, regaining his wits. "I have something at one-thirty."

"Three," Jay agreed. "I look forward to seeing you then."

No one spoke in the elevator on the way down. Miley was busy scheming up the details of whatever plan she had in mind, Lilly was busy watching her warily, and Keith and Juliana looked like they was trying not to explode until they got out of such a confined space.

And explode they did, once they were outside. "Fucking piece of shit bastard," Juliana said. "He has no fucking right to pull shit like that, the contract clearly states – "

"What the _hell_ was that?" Keith demanded, talking over her. "'Brainstorm a few ideas'? 'Meet again tomorrow'? You can't tell me you actually intend to change – "

"Look," Miley interrupted. "It was either we meet again tomorrow to discuss this calmly, or we continue the meeting today and I jump over the table and choke the asshole."

Keith sighed. "Let me talk to Diana, she heard the same songs he did and she never said a word about giving up creative control. And if we have to we can always get a deal with another label. Maybe not for as much money, but – "

"Excuse me?" Juliana interjected. "You'd damn well better believe I can get this much money out of any fucking – "

"I'm not worried about that," Miley said.

"Then why didn't we just turn him down?" Keith asked. "Why bother – "

"I just want a chance to talk to him," Miley said blandly, the very picture of innocence. "Who knows, maybe he'll come around."

"Jackasses like that don't 'come around'," Juliana said.

"We'll see," Miley answered. "Tomorrow."

"Fine." Keith said, apparently believing Miley's explanation. Oh, Keith, Keith, Keith, Lilly thought ruefully. He had so much to learn. Keith pulled out his cell phone and headed for his car. "I'll meet you here at two-thirty."

Miley waved after him. "Two-thirty."

"This is pointless," Juliana said. "He agreed to the damn contract, if they really try to enforce this shit we could sue their asses. But Keith is right, it's not worth it. If they're going to be bastards like this we should find someone else and just be fucking glad they showed their hand early."

"Don't worry about it, Juliana," Miley said. "I'll take care of it tomorrow."

"But – " Juliana protested.

Miley gripped Lilly's elbow and pulled her towards their car. "Tomorrow."

Their car was only a few spaces down, and Lilly figured she might as well wait until they were in it before she started trying to pry things out of Miley. But Miley had her cell phone out and was dialing before Lilly could even get the key in the ignition. "Miley," Lilly started, only to have Miley hold up a finger.

"Yes, this is Gillian Rogers, calling for Keith Johnson. He just got out of a meeting with Mr. Thompson and they're supposed to meet again tomorrow. I need to change the time to one-thirty, something's come up."

"Miley," hissed Lilly. Miley grinned at her, which only increased Lilly's suspicions. She knew that smile. That was the smile Miley had always worn right before she dragged Lilly into some crazy, ill-conceived plan that never, ever worked.

"Perfect," Miley said into the phone. "Thank you." She pressed a button to end the call, then immediately hit another one to start a second call. Huffing out a noisy breath to let Miley know she was upset, Lilly resigned herself to waiting for Miley to set her plan in motion before she'd get to find out what it was.

"Jackson?" Miley said. She shot a sidelong glance at Lilly and then started speaking rapidly in French. Darn it.

The conversation with Jackson was brief, and as soon as Miley hit the end button Lilly spoke. "Okay, spill, what are you up to?"

"You'll see when we get to the house," Miley said.

"Keith and Juliana are right, you know," Lilly said. "We can just turn him down."

"I don't want to turn him down," Miley said. "I want to set him straight." She was still smiling that smile, and Lilly knew she should stop this. If she really put her foot down, she knew she could get Miley to change her mind. But Lilly also knew that, whatever this plan was, she wasn't even going to try, because no matter what Miley wanted to do, letting her do it was better than seeing her use this as an excuse to give up.

And it was kind of nice to see that smile again.

———————————————

The waiting room was just as empty as it had been yesterday, but this time they swept through it without pausing. If the receptionist was at all surprised to see them there without Keith or Juliana and with a thin, folded-up metal easel and a large, covered piece of posterboard, she didn't show it.

Jay, however, did look a little ill-at-ease when Miley informed him her lawyer wouldn't be coming, but he hustled them into a conference room and summoned the same lackeys from yesterday nonetheless. Lilly clutched the cover mock-up while Miley set up the easel, happy enough to relinquish it once Miley was done so that she could sit before her knees gave out. This was a bad idea. A bad, bad idea that at best would lose them this contract and at worst would get Miley blacklisted industry-wide for being impossible to work with.

"I'm sure this won't take long," Miley said. "I'd just like your input on what I came up with. I'd be happy to go back to the drawing board if it doesn't meet with your approval."

"Of course, of course," Jay said genially. "And once again, let me commend you on your handling of this situation. You know, I've known artists who are absolutely intractable when it comes to accepting suggestions from the label, and I'm glad to see that's not going to be a problem with you. I can tell we're going to have a very long and profitable relationship."

Might wanna hold that thought there, Jay, Lilly thought.

"I'm sure we will," Miley said. Grinning, she flipped the cover off the poster, and Lilly could see the satisfaction in her eyes when five jaws dropped in shock.

The poster was a mock-up of an album cover that Jackson had put together and printed using the graphics lab at USC. Not for the first time, Lilly rued the day they gave that boy keys to the place.

The cover showed her and Miley, arms around each other, kissing passionately, and Lilly was going to _kill_ Jackson for taking that picture last Christmas. And Miley for coming up with this ridiculous idea in the first place. The words _Love Songs For My Girlfriend_ were emblazoned across the photo. All in all, it could have been the cover of a lesbian romance novel.

Jay's mouth opened and closed several times but nothing came out, and his face was getting redder by the minute. The two men next to him were having identical reactions, though the youngest, the one who'd gotten them coffee yesterday, was hiding what Lilly was pretty sure was a smile behind his hand. It _was_ pretty funny, Lilly had to admit.

"What the hell is that?" Jay finally demanded.

Miley looked at him innocently. "You said you didn't want potential buyers being confused," she said, voice bland. She pointed to the poster. "I think this makes things pretty damn clear." She put her hands on the table and leaned across it towards him. "It also makes it clear exactly what you'll be getting if you sign me."

"Which you can be fucking sure we won't be doing!" Jay yelled. "I don't give a damn what you do in your private time, but to come in here like this – get the hell out of here, and take that – that _thing_ with you!" He waved at the poster.

"Gladly," Miley snapped. She snatched up the cover and collapsed the easel with one hand, slinging it over her shoulder.

"And good luck getting signed somewhere else after I spread this little story around!" Jay shouted at them as they made their way to the door.

Miley stormed through the door without looking back, but Lilly turned, giving Jay a half-smile and a little shrug. They had nothing to lose now. "Nice doing business with you," she said, and flipped him off.

———————————————

For once, the house was quiet. Ever since they'd come down from Seattle, it seemed like there was always something going on: Jackson and Sarah holding an EarthTrust meeting, the TV blaring a baseball game, Miley fiddling around with her latest song. But today Jackson and Sarah were at a rally in Sacramento, Robby Ray had tickets and a date to the Dodgers game, and Miley, well, Miley hadn't picked up a guitar since they'd left the Pacific offices yesterday. She'd been moody all last night and this morning, resisting Lilly's efforts to get her to talk about what had happened. The problem, as Lilly saw it, was that Miley was still so ambivalent about the whole idea of a contract that she probably couldn't make up her mind how she felt about the deal falling through.

Though things weren't all bad. Keith had stopped by the house last night to yell at Miley, but despite Lilly's best efforts to get rid of the thing, the mock cover was still set up on the easel next to the piano – Jackson was very proud of his work – and Keith had taken one look at it and started laughing. "Next time, take me with you," was all he'd said, shaking his head, and Lilly could tell from the way the corner of Miley's mouth curved up in a half-smile that she'd finally decided she liked the man. So at least some good had come out of all of this.

And maybe Miley was right to be so leery of a deal with any of the major labels. There were tons of independent labels out there, or heck, they certainly had the money to produce an album themselves and either market it locally and online or try to set up a distribution deal with a label. Miley could even start her own label, though Lilly kind of doubted she wanted to go that far. They had options.

So as much as she was sensitive to the turmoil Miley was currently experiencing, Lilly was also enjoying the rare silence. She was taking full advantage of it and the time off from school to read a book she actually _wanted_ to read. At least, she was until a knock on the front door interrupted her.

Putting the book face down on the coffee table to hold her place, Lilly hurried to the door, yanking it open before whoever it was could knock again. Miley had gone upstairs to lie down, and if she'd managed to fall asleep, Lilly didn't want the noise to wake her.

The woman on their doorstep was dressed smartly in an obviously tailored black pantsuit with a dark purple blouse under the jacket. A large black leather purse was slung over one shoulder. Her black hair was pulled back in a low ponytail at the base of her neck, and she was in the process of pulling off her sunglasses when Lilly opened the door. Her other hand held a cardboard drink carrier with three lidded cups of coffee in it.

"Good afternoon," she said, sliding her sunglasses into the breast pocket of her jacket and offering Lilly her hand. "I'm Diana Yokota, and I represent Pacific Records."

That was unexpected. "Lilly Truscott," Lilly said, cautiously shaking her hand. Was she a lawyer or something? They couldn't get into any real trouble over that stunt they'd pulled, could they?

"I know," Diana said, making Lilly scrunch up her face and stare at her in confusion. What did she mean, she knew? How the heck would she know who Lilly was?

Abruptly, she realized that Diana was regarding her patiently, obviously waiting to be invited inside. "Uh, come in," Lilly said. She pulled the door open further and stepped out of the way, gesturing towards the living room.

Diana entered just as Miley came down the stairs, so either she hadn't been sleeping or Lilly wasn't fast enough getting the door. "Good afternoon, Ms. Stewart," Diana said pleasantly. "My name is Diana Yokota, and I was hoping I might have a few moments of your time."

"She's from Pacific," Lilly added helpfully, shutting the door.

Miley arched an eyebrow, but otherwise her face remained neutral. "What can I do for you?"

"Actually, it's more what I can do for you," Diana said. "Could we sit? I brought coffee."

Lilly and Miley sat together on the couch facing Diana, who took the chair. She handed each of them a cup of coffee, but Lilly followed Miley's lead and left hers on the coffee table, untouched.

"I'd like to start by apologizing to both of you for the behavior of my associate, Mr. Thompson," said Diana. The wording wasn't lost on either of them. If Jay had been there, he probably wouldn't have even acknowledged that Lilly existed. "And by assuring you that our offer is still on the table."

Excitement rocketed through Lilly and she resisted the urge to grab Miley's arm and squeeze it tightly. Miley had both eyebrows nearly to her hairline now. "Mr. Thompson said – " she started.

"Mr. Thompson is a jackass," Diana said flatly. "He's also someone's brother-in-law. He does not, however, have the final authority when it comes to your contract. I do." She retrieved a business card from her purse and gave it to Lilly, who was closer. Lilly glanced at it, eyes widening, and quickly passed it to Miley. Vice President, A&R. That made her Jay's boss. That made her a _lot_ of people's boss. And Keith's friend. This was for real.

"And you don't have a problem with how I...handled the situation?" Miley asked.

Diana leaned forward, propping her elbows on her knees and lacing her fingers together. "Let me be frank. If I thought the incident was indicative of a pattern of behavior on your part, then, yes, I would have a problem with it. But I'm aware of your history, and knowing Jay as I do, I'm certain that's not the case."

"You said you're aware of my history," Miley said slowly. "There isn't anything in it that worries you?"

Diana looked at her steadily for a long moment, then very deliberately shifted her gaze to Lilly and spoke to her. "No." Huh, Lilly thought, sitting back against the couch. That was interesting. "I believe you can make a lot of money for my company, Ms. Stewart, in spite of this rough start. And as strange as it may seem, I think we might have reason to thank Mr. Thompson, because his behavior is allowing me to handle your contract personally and get you a better deal."

"I didn't do it to be difficult," Miley said. "But you should know if I do this, it'll have to be on my terms."

"A better deal?" Lilly asked.

"Ah, yes," said Diana, pulling a folder from her purse and passing it to them. "I took the liberty of having the lawyers draw up some new paperwork. I think you'll find it allows for your terms."

"Are you serious about this?" Miley asked.

"Have your lawyer look it over," Diana advised. "She'll tell you."

"Oh, I will," Miley told her.

"Good. Although," Diana said, glancing over at the mock cover. "As much as I'd like to sign you, I might have to ask that you at least consider a different direction for the cover art?"

"No problem there," Miley said. She elbowed Lilly in the ribs. "She'd never let me use it anyway."

"Darn right," Lilly muttered. In fact, she was going to get rid of that stupid thing before Jackson got back from the rally.

"Well, I won't take up any more of your time today," Diana said. "My contact information is on the card, or you can reach me through the company. Just get in touch with me if you have any questions or you reach a decision." She got to her feet and Miley and Lilly stood with her.

They showed her to the door, waving almost in a daze as the reality of what had just happened started to sink in. "Miley," Lilly said softly as the door clicked shut, "did that really just happen? Did we really just tell a major label to go to hell and get offered a contract anyway? A _better_ contract?"

"I think we did," Miley said faintly.

"Oh. My. God!" Lilly shouted, grabbing Miley in a bear hug and jumping a little. "I don't believe this!"

Miley's arms came up to wrap tightly around Lilly. "Yeah," she said, voice still faint. Miley looked a little shell-shocked, and Lilly let her go. Miley wandered back over to the couch and sank down onto it, reaching out and grabbing her cup of coffee. Taking a sip to steady herself, she swallowed and then looked at the cup in bemusement. "Lilly," she said. "How's your coffee?"

Curious, Lilly got hers off the coffee table and took a sip. "Sugar," she said. "No cream." One thing was for sure: Diana had done her research.

"Mine's black," Miley said, smiling, shaking her head. "Why am I not surprised?"

———————————————

"Miley fucking Stewart," came the voice over the phone. "Who the fucking fuck did you have to fuck to get this fucking contract?"

"Language, Juliana," Miley admonished her attorney.

"What, is Lilly there with you?" Juliana teased.

Miley laughed. Juliana knew full well that three years ago Miley would have given her a run for her money in the language department, and the only reason she didn't now was because Lilly didn't enjoy listening to a constant barrage of obscenities and had broken Miley of the habit. Mostly. "No, she went to the beach. She was so excited by the contract she decided to go surfing to work off some energy."

"Well, she was right to be excited, that's for damn sure," Juliana said. "I mean, have you looked at this fucking thing?"

"I've looked at it," Miley said morosely.

"You sound like you're planning a funeral," Juliana scolded. "This thing is fucking gold, Miley. The advance is kind of a joke, but – "

"What do I care about an _advance_," Miley broke in.

"Exactly. Less to pay back, and you don't need it anyway. And, fuck, the rest of it, I mean, Miley, _there is no controlled comp clause_."

"I have no idea what that means, Juliana," Miley said.

"What the hell?" Juliana said. "You know you made me explain that shit to you when you were thirteen."

Miley was quite sure she never had. "Yeah, well, thirteen was a long time ago. Just tell me if the contract's good or not."

"Hello, have you been listening?" Juliana asked. "Did you see the list of shit they're willing to foot the bill for? They're laying out up to half a mil for recording costs with any extra payable to you – "

"Additional advance?" Miley asked.

"Yeah, but they're footing promotion one hundred percent and not asking for it back. Same with video and tour support...Miley, I hate to be blunt – " Miley laughed again, as there was nothing Juliana loved more. " – but considering your situation that's pretty un-fucking-believable."

"I know," Miley said.

"They've even slashed the packaging deductions. And...holy shit – " There was a loud clattering noise through the receiver, like Juliana had dropped the phone, but almost immediately her voice came back. "Shit, Miley. _Shit_. I'm still reading through this thing and I just saw this – "

"What?" Miley demanded, wondering what the hell else could possibly be in the contract to make Juliana this excited.

"Copyright and _ownership of the masters_ reverts back to you ten years after the contract expires."

Miley had been lounging on the couch in the living room, legs hanging over the arm; now she sat up straight and put her feet flat on the floor. "Holy shit," she swore. "Are you serious?"

"I have never been more serious in my entire fucking life," Juliana said. "Miley, I doubt I could have gotten Hannah a contract this good at her height. And they just dropped it in our laps."

"Shit." That was what she was afraid of. That meant she didn't have any excuse not to sign.

"Shit, yeah. I think this woman wants to have your babies. Seriously, I mean, she wants options on your next ten albums, which is really the only thing in this contract that concerns me – "

"Yeah," Miley said. There was no way she wanted to be tied to a label for that long, especially since she didn't know how this was going to go.

"But, still, I've never seen such a fucking favorable contract before, and you stand to make a shitload of money if the album sells even halfway decently. And that's not even mentioning the fact that you're retaining publishing rights, which means – "

"You don't have to explain _that_ to me, Juliana," Miley said dully. "I know what it means and I know how much money I stand to make." This would hardly be the first album she put out.

"Then what the fuck are you doing talking to me?" Juliana asked. "Go sign the damn thing before these bastards change their minds."

"I don't think I can," Miley blurted out.

"Miley – "

"Look, I just wanted to see if these people were being serious, but Lilly just got back so I've got to go." That was a complete lie, but she really did not want to have this conversation, and if she ever did want to have this conversation it wouldn't be with Juliana. "Thanks for looking over the contract."

"_Miley_ – "

"Bye, Juliana," Miley said, hanging up on whatever Juliana had been about to say. She flopped back on the couch and stared up at the ceiling. Keith and her dad had looked at it too, and they weren't lawyers, but they'd said pretty much the same thing: the contract was gold, she'd be a fool not to sign it. So why did she feel like she was drowning every time she thought about picking up a pen?

No matter how long she stared at it, the ceiling didn't have any answers.

———————————————

Lilly had been planning to spend the night at her parents', but she changed her mind when she got home from the beach and found Miley on the couch, staring blankly at the ceiling, which Miley knew meant she would have to talk about the contract sooner or later. She chose later.

"You've been avoiding me," Lilly accused gently as they finally got into bed in Lilly's room after thoroughly trouncing Jackson and Robby Ray at Pictionary, which had really been Robby Ray's fault. The only thing worse than his guesses were his attempts to draw.

"I know," Miley sighed. Lilly was lying on her back, looking up at Miley, and Miley sat on the edge of the bed, then let herself slump over sideways until her head came to rest on Lilly's stomach. She curled her legs up onto the bed and gazed up at Lilly. Lilly's face was only half-visible since the swell of her breasts blocked the view from Miley's lower eye, but Miley wasn't complaining. "I wasn't ready to talk."

"Are you ready now?" Lilly asked.

Miley just closed her eyes and listened to Lilly's stomach gurgle softly in her ear, concentrating on the soothing rise and fall of the surface below her head as Lilly breathed in and out. After a moment, fingers carded through her hair, calming her further. The nervous tension that had been slowly winding her tighter and tighter since Diana left started to seep away.

"It's a good contract," Lilly said.

Miley opened her eyes. "It's a great contract," she corrected.

"Fine, it's a _great_ contract. So what's the problem?"

Miley plucked at the side seam of Lilly's babydoll tee until Lilly got annoyed and grabbed Miley's hand with her own, linking their fingers together. "The only reason for me to sign with a major label," Miley said, "is to reach as wide an audience as I can, to become as famous as possible. That's what they'll try to make me. That's what sells CDs."

Lilly squeezed her hand. "And you don't think you want that?"

"I do." But she wasn't so sure she could handle it. Right now she wanted some twenty-year-old scotch, neat, but that didn't mean she should have it. "I think I do. I don't know." She turned her head and pressed her face into Lilly's stomach. "What do you think?" she mumbled against Lilly's shirt.

Lilly was quiet a minute, dropping her hand and threading fingers through Miley's hair again. "Hey," she said finally. She waited for Miley to turn her head and look at her before continuing. "I think you do. You worked so hard to be Hannah because you wanted it so much. I see you up onstage and it's like you come alive as soon as you get out in front of people. I think you want that, and I want that for you. I think..." Her expression turned mischievous and her voice lightened. "That you were just _born_ to be a star!" She threw her arms out grandly, making Miley giggle and flick her on her side.

"It kept you going, didn't it?" Lilly said, serious again. "For a long time, it kept you going when you didn't have anything else."

Miley didn't answer. It had kept her going, but it had ruined her, too. All those people, wanting something from her. Always wanting something, something more, and she'd tried to give it to them. And they'd swallowed her. It had almost killed her, not having anything else.

"I think," Lilly said slowly, "that it's part of who you are, and you should go get that part back."

Miley held Lilly's eyes with her own and nodded once. "Yeah." The prospect still made her feel dizzy, overwhelmed, but now she had Lilly to anchor her. She buried her face against Lilly's stomach again, kissing it through her shirt until Lilly laughed and tugged on Miley's hair to pull her up for a real kiss.

She had some ideas, things ask Diana. Maybe if she could take this slowly, one step at a time, everything would be okay.

———————————————

Diana's office was immaculate, done in light wood and dark leather and exuding an air of confidence and power that was half the décor and half absorbed from the woman occupying it.

Miley had been on the receiving end of a lot of fake smiles in her time, and this wasn't one of them. "Miley Stewart," Diana said pleasantly. "I hope you're here with good news."

Lilly likes her, Miley thought, forcing herself to smile back. She was about to see if that gut feeling on Lilly's part was warranted. "Me too." Diana gestured to one of the chairs in front of her desk and Miley took a seat in it. "I had my lawyer look over the contract. And my manager."

"And?"

"And they both think I'd be crazy not to sign."

Diana leaned back in her chair and idly tapped the end of her pen against a stack of papers on the desk. "What do you think?"

Miley balanced a foot on her knee, tapping it up and down in time with Diana's pen. "I think there are a few things I want to talk to you about."

The pen stopped moving. Miley's foot didn't. "So the contract I delivered on a silver platter, one that nearly made the entire legal division walk out in revolt, that's not good enough for you?"

"Nope," Miley said.

"And what would be good enough for you?" Diana asked, straightening. She set the pen down and crossed her arms, bracing her elbows and forearms on the edge of the desk.

"First of all, I want licensing control for film, television, and commercials." It was probably the most reasonable of her requests, and it wasn't really that reasonable at all.

Diana picked up her pen again, tapped it once against the desk, then jotted something on the paper in front of her. "Done," she said. "What else?"

"We drop the future options down to five."

"Now, wait a minute," Diana said. "This contract is more than generous, and you can't expect us to offer these kind of terms, invest this kind of time and money, and then not have some way to ensure a return on our investment."

"I'm not saying I wouldn't re-sign," Miley said quickly. "In fact, with a contract like this, I doubt any other label would be able to even offer anything that would interest me. But I don't feel comfortable putting myself in a position where I would _have_ to produce that many albums."

The pen tapped, once, twice, three times. Diana popped the cap off with her thumb and then pushed it back on. "All right."

"All right what?" Miley asked.

"All right, we'll drop the options to five."

"Just like that?" Miley said in disbelief.

"Just like that." Diana's lips twitched halfway to a smile. "Anything else?"

Miley sat back and laughed a little. She couldn't believe that it could be this easy. "Yeah. You'd better write yourself into this damn thing."

"Key man?" Diana asked, laughing herself.

"Well, god knows I don't ever want to have to see Jay again," Miley said.

"Understandable," Diana said. "I feel the same way myself. Unfortunately, he's my brother-in-law. I'll get the key man written in. Anything else?"

"One more thing," Miley told her. "I want to pay for promotion."

"And why would you want to do that?" Diana asked.

"Because I want a say in it."

"What kind of a say?"

Traditionally, the label would have set up promotion for the album: photo shoots, interviews, a concert for the album release. But Miley wasn't interested in tradition. "A say in limiting it."

"You were serious about doing this your way, weren't you?" Diana said. She shook her head. "My job is to sign people who can sell as many records as possible. It's hard to do that if people don't know who you are. And if you aren't interested in reaching as wide an audience as possible, I don't know what – "

"I'm asking for time," Miley said, deciding to put all of her cards on the table. "You know the way I left this business, and I'm...let's say _concerned_ that getting back into it too quickly would not be a good idea." She knew it was a lot to ask. She wouldn't be surprised if Diana refused, or threw her out for even asking, or at the very least told her she'd have to consult legal. She was pushing her luck. Diana was probably sorry she'd getting involved with Miley at all.

Diana leaned back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "And this is the last issue you have with the contract?"

"Yes."

"Fine," Diana said. "I'm sure you won't be unreasonable in your requests."

"I'm sure I will be!" Miley said. The very fact that she was making _this_ request was unreasonable, but it didn't seem like Diana was taking it seriously, which worried her.

"Look," Diana sighed. "I told you before that I think you can make a lot of money for this company, and I still believe that. I think you're going to be famous in spite of yourself. Just as famous or more than Hannah Montana ever was. I want this to be a long-term relationship, so if you need time I'm willing to give you time. I'm not as concerned with whether your first album hits number one as I am with albums two through ten doing so."

"And the label's okay with that?" Miley asked doubtfully.

"You let me worry about the label," Diana instructed. She held up a finger. "But that doesn't mean this album won't have to perform. This isn't a three firm contract; if you kill this album because you won't promote it at all, there's not going to be anything I can do."

That was fair. That was more than fair. Miley rested her hands lightly on her knees. "All right."

"Good," Diana said, steepling her hands and looking over them at Miley. "So, do we have a deal?"

———————————————

The inside of the car was sweltering, but Miley sat in the driver's seat without turning it on, her fingers clamped around the steering wheel. Sweat trickled down her face and between her breasts and glued her shirt to her back. She waited until the heat started to make her vision blur before turning the key in the ignition and cranking on the air full blast, stabbing at the button to turn the radio off immediately afterwards. She had a habit of playing it ear-splittingly loud when she was on the way to doing something she dreaded, but she was a different kind of nervous now and the last thing she wanted was noise blaring at her from every direction.

The air wasn't cool yet, but its movement past her face still offered some relief as she got out her cell phone and pulled up Lilly's number.

"So?" Lilly said in her ear a second later.

"So I'm signing the contract."

Lilly shrieked so loud almost dropped the phone. Talk about ear-splitting. "You are so awesome!" Lilly yelled. "I love you! Come home so we can celebrate!" The call disconnected and Miley tossed the phone on the passenger seat.

Air that was finally cold dried the sweat on her forehead as she put the car in gear and backed out of the parking space. There would be congratulations back at the house, back-slaps and hugs and a celebratory dinner, and Miley knew she should be excited, happy. But the best she could do was to hope she didn't end up regretting this.

———————————————

**I have to tell you guys I had **_**so much **__**fun**_** researching recording contracts to write this chapter. Yes, hi, I am a giant geek. Nice to meet you. But it turns out they are really interesting! No, really, I promise they are...Okay, possibly only to someone who spends her free time reading law review articles about copyright law and the right to publicity. Um. Not that I do that. (Right to publicity is **_**fascinating**_**, btw. In case you were wondering.)**


	10. No Small Frustration

**Can anyone confirm/deny whether the Hannah Montana Magic 8 Ball answers include the phrase 'sweet niblets'? We've got a bet going on over here but are too cheap to buy the thing and see for ourselves.**

**mileymadness: Ha, a dirty song would have been great. I did not even think about that.**

**coffeeandcommunity: Ooo, literature and philosophy and theology. I know almost nothing about those things, but I wish I did. I should learn! Also, thank you, because that is exactly what I was going for the with album cover thing. I think the reason you don't see it a lot is because it's really freaking **_**hard**_** to do. At least for me. I have a lot of respect for the writers because I know there's no way I could work with the conventions they use, let alone do it well. (And if the suspense about the other thing is too much, let me know and I'll tell you. It's not that interesting.)**

**becca301x: Yeah, I know. I'm working on it. It's just that I'm lazy and the damn plot keeps getting in the way. (You think I'm being sarcastic, but I mean that seriously.)**

**Teresa Kaiju: About chapter two – I wrote it because I thought it was important to the story. I can go into more detail if you're really interested, but for now suffice it to say that if I only wrote the parts of this story I really wanted to, it would be about five chapters long, consist almost entirely of them being disgustingly cute with each other, and make no sense whatsoever.**

**I honestly can't believe how many people are still reviewing this story. You guys are so awesome.**

———————————————

**Chapter Ten: No Small Frustration**

———————————————

_Listen when  
All of this around us'll fall over  
I tell you what we're gonna do  
You will shelter me, my love  
And I will shelter you_

- Ray Lamontagne, _Shelter_

———————————————

**June – September 2012**

There were still details to be hammered out, of course. Miley hadn't actually signed, just made a verbal commitment to do so once Juliana had a chance to go over the contract with a fine-tooth comb rather than give it a cursory once-over. And the language for the recoupment of promotion expenses had to be rewritten, along with a few other things: the options, the licensing rights, Diana's key man clause. So Miley stayed another week in L.A. while Lilly flew back to start her first summer class.

It wouldn't have taken quite so long if it hadn't been for the little matter of setting the dates. Miley insisted that she'd need at least four months to find a studio and producer and be ready to record, and a year after that to actually record. Diana responded by saying she was willing to take things slow but she would like to actually see a finished album before the polar ice caps melted. She wanted two months to find a studio and the masters in her hands six months after that.

"Six months to make an album?" Miley complained to Juliana. "That's _nothing_."

"Just give it to her," Juliana advised her. "What that hell's she going to do if you're late? And she's fucking given us everything else."

Miley flew back before the ink on her signature was dry. She wanted to get out of L.A., to go back to Seattle and pretend that none of this had happened, that her life was going to stay exactly the same as it was right now. Lilly let her wallow for a week, then informed her that she only had seven left to secure studio time and find a producer who would put up with her, so she'd better get busy.

Finding a producer was relatively easy. Miley called D.G. to see if he'd come up and work on the album, and he said yes, and so would Jerry. She hadn't thought to ask Jerry; since he was married she'd assumed he wouldn't want to relocate for an extended period of time. But it turned out his wife was an anthropology professor at UCLA, and she was going on sabbatical for a year in September to write a book. And when she talked to him, he said he knew a couple engineers up in Seattle he could get in touch with, so she left finding everyone else up to him.

Finding a studio was the hard part. Or rather, _building_ a studio. Recording the demo at Jerry's house had been okay, and Miley quickly decided that setting up something similar made a lot of sense. They'd have to fit recording around her classes, and sometimes you got into a groove and didn't want to stop, or you couldn't get one damn track just the way you wanted it and wouldn't give up until you did: things would be a whole lot easier if they weren't paying by the hour for time in a studio that other people were booking as well.

And this could be good practice. If this album, this whole thing, worked out maybe she'd try to set up a real studio in L.A. to record the next one. If they were in L.A., and if this worked. If this wasn't too much, if she could do this again, if she didn't crash and burn. If if if. She was starting to hate that word.

First she had to find a house. The one she and Lilly were in was too small, plus she didn't want people tramping in and out all the time. And she really didn't like the idea of having nowhere to go to get away from the album. Price wasn't an issue, though houses in their area generally went for at least $500,000, which was going to eat the studio advance and not leave anything for renovations and equipment. She had plenty of her own money, though, and that opened up a lot of options. Options she spent two weeks sorting through before she finally found a place for five-fifteen up in Maple Leaf that wasn't too far from their house in Ravenna. It was bigger and $125,000 cheaper than their house had been, which was what distance from the University got you. She offered fifty grand over asking if they could close within the week. They did.

Then came the laborious process of turning the place into a studio. She wanted proper soundproofing, not duvets, which only ran about ten grand, including the architect's fee, who turned out to be the only person she hired who was worth every penny since he figured out the acoustics for her and filed all the permits. But first she had to get people to knock down a couple walls and restructure the whole first floor so there would be room for the studio, control room, and an isolation booth. The contractors screwed it up and knocked down the wrong wall, a delay that cost them almost a week to rectify, and after that Miley took to hanging out at the house most days to make sure nothing else got screwed up.

The real trouble started when she went to buy equipment. D.G. and Jerry couldn't agree on which mixing console they wanted, or compressor, or mics, or anything. Miley found herself in the middle of a three day argument on the merits of a 1272 vs. a Voxbox, which she didn't care about or understand. On day four she couldn't take it anymore and sent Jerry an email: _D.G. picks the soundboard, you pick everything else, and I don't give a shit if either of you are happy about that. Use this card and ship to this address._

The equipment came while there was still plaster dust everywhere, half a wall left to put up, and all of the soundproofing to install. Everything was going wrong, and the stress was starting to get to Miley. Maybe building a studio hadn't been the best idea. Or maybe she never should have signed the contract in the first place.

August was less than a week away and Miley just started throwing money at the problem, too exhausted to care how much this cost as long as it got done. It was amazing how much faster people worked with the right motivation, and the last piece of equipment was finally in place three days before they were supposed to start recording.

Miley drove home from the finished studio in a haze. Lilly was in class when she got back, or maybe at the skatepark, Miley was scraped too thin to remember. She fell into bed and slept away the rest of the afternoon, waking up groggy and disoriented by the fact that it was dark outside.

"Lilly?" Miley called. The UW throw blanket they kept in the closet had been laid out over her, so she knew Lilly was home, but there was no answer.

Miley heaved herself out of bed and went in search of her absent girlfriend, yawning the whole way. Her body was slow and sluggish, still half-asleep except for her stomach, which was protesting the fact that she'd slept through dinner after skipping lunch. Luckily, she found Lilly sitting at the table in the kitchen, studying something on the laptop, so she was able to fill both needs at once.

"You're up," Lilly said. "Did you have a good nap?"

Miley tried to answer but yawned again instead.

Lilly laughed. "I think that was supposed to be a yes. C'mere." She got up as Miley shuffled over and pulled her into a hug. "You look like you're still asleep, you want to just go back to bed?"

Miley nodded against Lilly's shoulder, then changed her mind and shook her head. "Hungry," she mumbled.

"Want me to make you something?" Lilly asked.

Miley shook her head again. She wanted something _edible_. Lilly let her go, sitting back down at the table, and Miley grabbed a banana off the counter to hold her over while she looked through the fridge. The banana was slightly unripe and Miley grimaced at the sharp taste and swallowed her bite as quickly as possible.

A bottle of catsup, an almost empty jar of homemade blackberry jam Mamaw had sent them, week-old Chinese take-out: there was nothing in the fridge. Grocery store tomorrow, Miley thought.

She took the rest of her banana and sat across the table from Lilly to eat it. "Whatcha lookin' at?"

"Um," Lilly said, looking up. "Just our tuition bills for fall."

"I thought you paid those already," Miley said, frowning. She was almost certain Lilly had told her she was paying them last week. But she'd been so stressed out over the fact that the glass sheet separating the studio and the control room had broken in transit that maybe she'd imagined it.

"I was going to," Lilly said. "But then I started thinking and..." She kept her eyes trained on the laptop screen. "I don't think you should go back to school."

Miley choked on her bite of banana and had to cough it back up before she could answer. "_What?_" It wasn't that she really liked school, she didn't even have any idea of what, if anything, she wanted to study yet, but only making the album?

"You only have six months," Lilly said.

"Yeah, but..." She hadn't been planning on sticking to that.

"And recording an album is hard work," Lilly continued. "School on top of that is too much."

"I used to be able to do both before," Miley pointed out.

"This isn't before," Lilly said quietly.

Suddenly Miley wasn't hungry anymore. She set the rest of the banana on the table in front of her, spread her hands out flat against its solid surface. "No."

"Look, Miley..." Lilly sighed, covering one of Miley's hands with her own. Miley didn't look up from the table. "It's just that I've seen how crazy you've been going the past few weeks. You're completely exhausted, and that's just from getting everything ready, you haven't even started recording yet. What's going to happen when you try to add classes to everything?" She stroked the back of Miley's hand until Miley finally raised her head.

"I don't know, Lilly," she confessed. "This all used to be so easy, and now..."

"You weren't doing as much before," Lilly said. "You weren't as involved in the whole process – "

"I know," Miley said, staring back down at the polished walnut finish on the table. "But..." But the whole time she'd been back, the whole time she'd been getting the studio built, she'd heard Jay Thompson in her head, calling her Hannah Montana.

Lilly slipped her fingers through Miley's. "It isn't going to be easy this time. That's one more reason to focus only on the album. You can always go back to school next year, or even this summer. I just don't want to see you running yourself ragged trying to do everything at once. If you're going to make the album, you should make the album. The rest can wait."

If, Miley thought. If if if. There was too much if in her life. She needed to start getting rid of some of it. "Yeah," she agreed softly.

Lilly squeezed her hand. "So?"

"So pay your tuition," Miley said, disentangling her hand from Lilly's and picking up the rest of her banana, biting off half of what was left in one bite. "I'm gonna make an album."

———————————————

The alarm went off and Lilly quickly thrust an arm out of the covers to silence it, before rolling back to her previous position spooned against Miley's back. "Miley," she whispered into Miley's ear. Miley turned her face into the pillow and let out a muffled grunt. Lilly slid her hand under Miley's pajama shirt and started tracing back and forth across Miley's stomach with her fingers. "Miley."

Miley made another noise but didn't otherwise respond, so Lilly leaned harder against her, let her hand creep up, lifted her head so she could suck at the skin right below Miley's ear, lightly scrape her teeth over it.

"What are you doing?" Miley muttered.

"Who, me?" Lilly asked innocently. "Nothing." Her fingers found Miley's breast, teased her nipple into hardness.

"Really?" Miley mumbled, still sounding half-asleep. "It doesn't feel like nothing."

Lilly smiled against Miley's neck and switched her hand to the other breast. "Weird."

"It feels..." Miley trailed off and yawned. "It feels like you're trying to wake me up in a good mood because I have to start recording today."

"Huh," Lilly said. Her hand changed directions, going down over Miley's stomach, under pajama pants and underwear. "Does that sound like something I'd do?"

"Yeah," Miley said. "It kinda – " A gasp. " – does."

Lilly kissed Miley's shoulder through the shirt, her fingers moving against Miley's clit, Miley's underwear damp against the backs of them. "Seems like it might be working."

Miley tried to turn to face her, but Lilly wouldn't let her. "Lilly," Miley whined.

"Just a minute," Lilly promised, and Miley whimpered. Lilly felt her own body start to wake up, responding to the sounds Miley was making and the feel of her under Lilly's fingers. She kept them moving, faster now, and after a few minutes Miley shuddered and called out Lilly's name again in a different tone.

Lilly started to move her hand away, but Miley caught her arm and held it in place. Lilly waited for her to say something; Miley just pushed her face back into the pillow and breathed into it. "Are you going to be okay today?" Lilly asked finally. "You want me to skip class and come with you?"

Miley turned over and Lilly got her hand back, wiping it on the sheets. "No," Miley said. "But thanks for the offer." She raised an eyebrow. "How soon do you have to leave?"

Lilly grinned at her. "I might have set the alarm a little early this morning."

"Good," Miley said, and reached for her.

———————————————

The day was sunny, though for once Miley actually wanted it to rain. That would have suited her mood better, which was still dark despite the very pleasant way she'd been woken up. But no, the sun was shining, the temperature was a perfect seventy-two degrees, and it seemed like every bird in the country had migrated here, just so they could sing their little hearts out to mock her.

The driveway at the house was empty because it was still early, a little after nine, and they weren't scheduled to start until noon. Miley had already decided that wouldn't be typical – she wanted to fit her time in the studio around Lilly's class times as much as possible, though she already knew there would undoubtedly be some late nights – but a late start on the first day had seemed like a good idea. There wouldn't be as much pressure on everyone if it didn't feel like a full day, and that way Miley could get there early, before anyone else, and kind of get used to the whole idea. She hadn't spent any time in the studio since everything was finished.

Miley pulled up behind an old, gray van that was parked across the street from the house. She didn't want to park in the driveway and get blocked in. Just in case.

She got out of the car slowly and shut the door, leaning back a against it for a moment while she gathered up the nerve to go inside. It'll be different this time, she told herself. The studio was vastly different, and she was in control, and just because she'd signed a contract again, just because she was recording again, that didn't mean she was turning back into Hannah. It didn't.

The sliding door on the van rolled open, banging loudly when it reached the end of its tracks, and Miley jumped, startled out of her reverie. D.G. stuck his head out of the opening, then hopped down onto the asphalt when it saw it was her. He was dressed in a light gray pair of sweatpants and a black Pixies t-shirt, and his hair stuck out in every direction as though he'd just rolled out of bed.

"Miley!" he said. "I thought I heard a car park behind me, and finding out it's you almost makes up for the fact that I'm awake this early."

Miley laughed, her mood improving measurably. It was nice to see him again. "Are you living in your _van_?"

"Well, I've only been in town a few days," D.G. explained, looking a little defensive. "And I've been too busy checking out the music scene to look for a place."

"You know there are two empty rooms upstairs in the house, right?" Miley said. "Why don't you just move your stuff into one of those?"

"Seriously?" D.G. asked, brightening. "You don't mind if I crash here?"

Miley shrugged. "As long as you don't mind living where you work, I don't care."

"That would be totally awesome," he said. "It'll really help me out a lot, and whatever you want me to pay in rent, just let me know and – "

"Hey, you're going to have to put up with me for the next six months," Miley said, waving him off. "That'll be payment enough, trust me."

"That, madame, will be a pure pleasure." He mock-bowed and Miley laughed again. "Hey, give me a minute to get dressed, and then you want to mess around in the studio for a while before everyone else gets here? I can't wait to see what the Voxbox can do."

"Sure," Miley agreed. She could pretend they were just cutting another demo. No pressure. "But pull that thing into the driveway, okay?" She gestured towards the van. "It's an eyesore, and we don't want the neighbors complaining that their property values are going down."

D.G.'s eyes narrowed and he pointed a finger at her. "I'll ignore that slanderous remark against my pride and joy, but only because you're letting me live here, and only this once." He jumped back inside the van and started sliding the door shut. "See you inside."

Miley got Lola from the car, crossed the lawn and unlocked the front door, wandering through the bare living room. She'd meant to get some furniture ordered so the room wouldn't be so empty, but somehow she hadn't found time yet. She passed through the control room and into the studio, leaving the door open. Her nerves were back and she restlessly adjusted the height of the microphone just to give herself something to do.

"Get it together, Stewart," she said into the dead mic, her lips almost brushing the pop screen. "You can do this. You have to do this. You are contractually obligated to do this." Pep-talk over, she sighed and was about to adjust the mic stand again when D.G. strolled into the control room, rubbing his hands together.

He sat down in front of the mixing console and spun around in his chair a few times. "All right, let's see what this baby can do!"

By the time Jerry showed up a couple hours later with Randy and Nora, the other engineers, in tow, Miley was relaxed enough that Jerry's eagerness to get started immediately excited rather than irritated her. Miley chatted politely with Randy and Nora for a few minutes, getting introductions out of the way, while Jerry impatiently poked D.G. into setting everything up.

"Come on, let's try the guitar on _A Little Ill_," he coaxed. "I just wanna get something down and see how it sounds. D.G. thinks we might want to switch out the mics, but just do it with the Manley for now." Miley let herself be pushed back into the studio and picked up Lola, looking at all of them through the glass.

"Any time you're ready," Jerry said over the intercom, and D.G. gave her a thumbs up, and Miley started playing, laying down the first track of her first album in over five years.

It was good to be back.

———————————————

The inside of the skatepark was bright and loud, shouts, curses, and the sound of wheels on the ramps echoing off the walls. Lilly had been skating here for almost eight months now but she still missed the open air skateparks in Malibu, which were also loud but at least didn't concentrate the noise back at you. The indoor park was a lot nicer in Seattle, though, where it rained practically three hundred and sixty-four days out of the year.

She'd been here for almost two hours now, and just managed to pull off a caballerial backslide tailslide, but she couldn't quite make the landing and had to run a few steps so she didn't end up sprawled on her face while her board slid off to the side. Break time, she thought, retrieving the board and making her way over to the snack bar. There were a few tables out in front of it and she claimed an empty one, shucking off her protective gear and leaving it on the table while she went to get a Coke. She watched the other skateboarders and sucked it down, idly wondering why Coke from a fountain tasted so different than Coke from a can.

Normally she'd call it a day at this point and head home, but ever since Miley had started working on the album down at the studio, home had gotten exponentially more boring. There was still another week and a half to go before school started again for the fall and after four years of constantly having classes Lilly didn't know what to do with so much free time on her hands. It wasn't a problem when they went down to Malibu or out to the cabin and there were people around, but being stuck here with nothing to do was another story.

A guy with stringy, unwashed blond hair and a scraggly beard walked by her as he left the snack counter, then stopped and backtracked over to her table. "Hey, you're in here a lot, right?" he asked her.

"Um, yeah?" Lilly said, shooting him a why-are-you-talking-to-me-you-weirdo look.

"Oh, sorry," he said off her look. "I'm Todd, I'm the manager here." He grabbed one of the other chairs at the table and turned it around backwards, straddling it and sitting down.

"Okay," Lilly said, still not sure why he was talking to her.

"Uh, yeah, well, this is going to be kind of out of the blue," he said, and Lilly started hoping like mad he wasn't about to ask her out. "But is there any chance you want a job?"

"Huh?" Lilly asked. Now that she hadn't been expecting.

He ran a hand through his hair. "The thing is, one of my summer workers just quit early because he decided to take a roadtrip cross-country with his girlfriend, and none of the students who work here during the year are back yet, and if I don't find someone then I'm gonna have to keep covering all his shifts, and as much as I love this place I don't really want to be here eighty hours a week, you know? And I just noticed you've been here, like, all-day-every-day this week, so I thought I'd ask. I mean, a couple people have come in about the ad in the window, but I'd rather get a skater if I can, you know?"

"So, what," Lilly said slowly, "you want me to work here for like a week until the students get back?" That seemed kind of pointless.

"Yeah, well, I'd only need you to work _full-time_ for the next week," Todd explained apologetically. "I mean, if you want to stay on after that, you totally could, because we can always use more help around here, but I wouldn't be able to give you as many hours."

"Actually," Lilly said. "I'm a student too, so I wouldn't be able to work full-time once school starts anyway." She was starting to like this idea. It would give her something to do this week, and as long as she didn't work too much once classes started it would give her a little break from studying. And the idea of having a job and making some money appealed to her. Not that they needed money by any stretch of the imagination, but having a paycheck with her name on it might be cool.

"Really?" Todd brightened. "So that might work out okay. And the pay's pretty good, nine bucks an hour, and you get to skate for free, and snacks are free, too."

What the heck, Lilly thought. She was here all the time anyway, she might as well get paid for it, and if it got to be too much she could always quit. "Sure, I'll do it." She held out a hand. "I'm Lilly by the way."

"Awesome," Todd said, shaking her hand, relief all over his face. "My girlfriend is going to love you, she hasn't seen me in three days and she was starting to get pissed. So when do you think you can start?"

Miley probably wouldn't be back from the studio until six or seven, and it was only two-thirty. "How about now?"

———————————————

The days fell into a rhythm: Miley at the studio and Lilly at class, the library, or the skatepark. They usually started recording late in the morning, fitting in a couple hours before breaking for lunch, and then coming back for three or four more hours, depending on Lilly's schedule. Miley had put a stop to staying late, except on Tuesdays, when Lilly worked at the skatepark until nine.

Some days were easy. Some days everything seemed to flow, the words and notes and banter, days when she'd sing until she was almost hoarse and only stop because Jerry insisted that what they had already was flawless, really, he'd never heard better, yes, including that one time he'd worked with Madonna. Days when the work got done and they were all relaxed and being in the studio was just _fun_, like Miley could remember it being, a long time ago.

Days like today, when they'd – hopefully – just finished recording the lead vocal tracks for _Warm Where You Lay_ and Miley talked the boys into trying something she'd been wanting to do for a while.

Jerry adjusted the mic a few more inches to Miley's left. "Okay, I think that should do it."

There was another microphone in front of Miley, set down low to capture the guitar as she played it. Miley craned her neck to the side. If she stayed seated facing forward on the stool, she was just barely able to turn her head enough so that she could sing into the first microphone. "You're kidding me, right?"

"_You_ wanted to try playing and singing at the same time," Jerry said. "This is the best way to get clean tracks of both when you're doing them at once."

"Are you sure you two aren't pranking me for making you do this?" Miley asked, but she was already practicing fingering the guitar while her body was half-twisted around. It felt a little strange, but she didn't think it would throw her off.

"No comment," Jerry told her.

"Then get out of here," Miley said. "So we can do this before my spine freezes this way." She strummed the strings a couple times and hummed to herself while she waited for Jerry to vacate the isolation booth.

This was probably going to be a waste of time, as Jerry and D.G. had both been quick to inform her, but it was three-thirty, Lilly got off from the skatepark in less than an hour, and Miley wanted to kill twenty minutes before she left to go get her. Since they were knocking off so soon Miley hadn't seen the point in starting to comp the tracks from today.

And she was interested to see how this turned out. The whole recording process was so different this time around. Before, she'd come into the studio and laid down the vocal tracks, and that was it. Her dad had worked with the producer and the sound engineer to get everything the way he wanted it, and she certainly hadn't hung around while the background vocals or instrument tracks were recorded.

Now she was there for everything. She was playing everything too, or mostly, and doing a lot of the backing vocals, which was interesting. She was used to mining her voice for all the richness and character it could give, but for backing stuff she had to keep it tight, make it lighter, almost breathy, so that it would blend better with the instruments. It took a different kind of discipline and she enjoyed the change.

And besides all that, D.G. was giving her a crash course in mixing as they went along. She'd never be as good as he was – he'd been doing this full-time for the past six years, for one thing – but she was picking up a fair bit, and it was fun being so involved in every aspect of recording. She liked the feeling that came from knowing everything there was to know about every note they'd laid down.

"Okay, just play it straight through once and we won't waste any more time on this," D.G. said over the intercom, sounding for all the world like a kid who didn't want to do his homework.

"Screw you," Miley said good-naturedly. "You guys have no sense of adventure. This is going to be fun." D.G. tried to make a comeback but Miley cut him off by starting to play, forcing him to shut up and start recording. There was no way they'd actually be using this, so she didn't really care if the beginning was messed up. She just wanted to see how this sounded.

She played through _Love Love Love_ and rolled her head around on her shoulders to loosen up her neck before looking through the thick, soundproof glass into the control room. "Well?"

D.G. and Jerry conferred with each other for a moment, heads leaning together as D.G. pointed something out on the monitor. Jerry hit the button for the intercom. "Let's try it one more time."

"I thought you two didn't want to waste any more time on this," Miley said mockingly.

"Uh," Jerry said. D.G. knocked his finger off the intercom button and said something to him. Jerry listened intently, nodding a few times, then pressed the button again, pausing a few seconds before he spoke. "Shut up."

Miley laughed. "It took both of you to come up with that one?" But she started singing again, enjoying being able to just go all the way through the song and not have to worry about getting everything perfect. As soon as she finished, she set Lola down and pulled off the headphones, jumping up and going out into the control room. "So?"

Without a word, D.G. clicked on the track. Noise poured from the speakers out into the studio, and Miley barely stopped herself from slapping her hands over her ears to block it out. Her voice and the guitar melded together into one indistinguishable, throbbing sound, and about the only thing she could tell about it was that it was _loud_. "What the hell?" Miley yelled.

Jerry shrugged and cupped a hand around his ear like he couldn't hear her. D.G. was too busy headbanging along with the blare to have even noticed she'd said anything. Miley leaned over and looked at the computer screen. "You recorded it at plus five?" she yelled, smacking D.G. on the back of the head. So far they'd been recording everything at minus twelve. Both of the guys cracked up with laughter.

Clicking the racket off, Miley crossed her arms over her chest and glared at them. "Hilarious," she said sarcastically. "Decided we need to try and win the loudness war?"

"Well, you wanted to waste time," Jerry said. "We figured we might as well give this a shot while we're at it."

"You know what we should do?" D.G. said. "Heavy metal Miley." He started headbanging again, throwing devil horns with both hands. "I'd buy it."

Miley pointed at each of them in turn. "You two are both getting salt in your coffee tomorrow. And that better have been the second take."

"It was," D.G. assured her. He reached over and played a different track. "Here's the vocal from the first one." The volume on this was normal, and Miley winced a little. It showed she hadn't been trying to get it perfect. And she could hear the guitar, too, but it wasn't like she'd thought it would be. Instead of complimenting her voice the way it did during a live performance, it was mostly distractingly low in background but would occasionally peak over the vocals when Miley sang softly. It would be at least ten times harder than separately recorded tracks to mix into something usable.

D.G. and Jerry both smirked at her and Miley knew that her face had given her away. She'd just have to give in gracefully. "All right, so it was a waste of time."

"What was that?" Jerry asked, once again cupping a hand around his ear.

"I believe Miley was just admitting that we were right and she was wrong, Jerry," D.G. supplied helpfully.

"I thought that was what she was saying," Jerry said. "But then I just didn't hear those exact words coming out of her mouth." They both looked at her expectantly.

"Fi-i-ine," Miley drawled. "You were right and I was wrong. Can we move on now?"

"I dunno," D.G. said. "Can you step into the booth and repeat that into the microphone?"

"Hey, hey, hey," Jerry said when Miley raised her hand to smack D.G. again. "Before you do something that lands you in court for assault, you might want to take a look at the clock."

It was just past four. "Crap!" Miley said. "I'm late to get Lilly." D.G. made a cracking-the-whip sound and Miley made a face at him as she scrambled for the door. "I'll see you boys tomorrow. I'll bring coffee!" And salt, she thought. Lots and lots of salt.

Snatching up her bag from the living room, she ran out to the car. The skatepark wasn't far from their house, and really she didn't need to pick up Lilly, but she liked doing it, especially on days like today when Lilly went straight to the skatepark from class. If Miley picked her up she didn't have to skate home with a heavy bookbag.

She drove down the now-familiar streets automatically, her mind going back over the day's work. They'd gotten a lot done, and Miley was tired, but only pleasantly so. It was the tired that came with accomplishment, and she knew that by the time she got to the skatepark she'd be recharged.

Lilly was already in the neighborhood when Miley caught up with her, slowing the car alongside her and putting down the passenger side window just as Lilly passed the cemetery. "Hey, good-lookin', you want a ride?"

Grinning, Lilly shifted her weight so that the back of the board ground along the sidewalk until she came to a halt, then leaned down and grabbed the front of the board, straightening and walking over to the now-stopped car and leaning through the open window. "I don't know, I'm not supposed to take rides from strangers. My girlfriend might get mad."

"Aw, c'mon, what she doesn't know won't hurt her," Miley said, playing along. "And I'll make you dinner." She sing-songed her offer to make it sound more enticing.

"Dinner, hmm?" Lilly's eyes sparkled. "I might just take you up on that." She opened the back door and threw the skateboard and her bookbag in the backseat, then climbed in the front and unbuckled her helmet, tossing it into the back as well. She leaned over and gave Miley a quick kiss hello. "I thought you'd run over again and I was gonna beat you home."

"Nah, I just lost track of time a little," Miley said, taking her foot off the brake. "Totally D.G.'s fault. So how was your day?"

"Oh my god, you are _not_ going to believe what happened in my government and politics class," Lilly started. Miley listened as her bright chatter filled the car, and it was days like these when Miley couldn't help being happy to be here, with these people and with Lilly, making this album.

———————————————

Then there were the other days. The days when nothing went right and Miley felt like ramming her head through the plate glass would be less painful than staying in the studio for one more second. Days when they all drove each other up the walls and then came back and did it again the next day, and the next, until Miley was sure the album was never going to get finished because she couldn't stop yelling long enough to sing anything.

Days like the one when Miley and Jerry made it to their fifth argument by eleven-thirty. D.G.'d had enough and had mumbled something about taking an early lunch when they'd started this one. "No, dammit, we're just going to have to redo that part," Miley snapped.

Jerry leaned back in his chair and sighed. "We've been working on this for three hours, now, Miley. We haven't gotten anything else done today. It's good enough."

"Good _enough?_" Miley practically yelled. "Fuck you, I don't want 'good enough' on my album! All the tracks we have are shit, I just can't get that one part right."

"They aren't shit," Jerry argued. "The one we're using now is perfectly fine."

"Oh, yeah?" Miley demanded. "Then let me see the comp sheet." She reached across him and snatched up the clipboard that had all of his notes for each of the guitar tracks they'd recorded yesterday for _Nothing Left_. "Let's see," she said, running her finger down the page. "Shit, shit, shit, shit."

"I never should have showed you how to read my shorthand," Jerry said.

"Why didn't you tell me this yesterday while we had everything set up?" Miley said, already so worked up that his comment didn't even register. "Now the mic's been moved, everything's different, we're never going to get it to sound exactly the same and we're going to have to do it _all_ again."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Jerry said. "That's taking it a little too far. I didn't tell you yesterday because, if you'll recall, you got so frustrated playing that part over and over again that you stormed out of here and didn't come back. Now we're not going to sit here and recreate an entire day's work. We'll use what we have. Not everything has to be perfect."

"_I'll_ tell you what things have to be on _my_ album, goddammit," Miley snarled. She hated it when she couldn't get things just the way she wanted them, the way they sounded in her head.

"And _I'm_ telling you that if you start chasing perfect, there's never going to _be_ a damn album," Jerry snapped back.

"Well, excuse me for actually giving a shit about the quality of this thing," Miley hurled at him, spring up from her chair and kicking at it so that it rolled across the small open space and bounced off the back wall. "I didn't realize you just wanted to produce a piece of crap and then move on!"

"You know, I have worked with some batshit artists in my time, but you are really starting to take the cake!" Jerry said.

"Nice, Jerry, real nice," Miley sniped.

"Oh, and the cheap shot at my professionalism was so much better."

Miley crossed her arms over her chest, hugging herself. She couldn't take this anymore; she needed to get out of here. They were both letting this get a little too personal, and as angry as she was now, she knew she'd regret it if she let things go any further. "D.G. had the right idea, I'm going to lunch."

Some days she just couldn't deal with this, with any of it, all of it, the very idea that she was making an album that would have to be released. She had to be crazy to put herself through this.

"Try and come back this time," Jerry called after her as she stomped out of the room towards the front door. "You know, if it's not too much trouble! We're only trying to make an album here!"

"Let it go," Miley yelled over her shoulder.

"I'll let it go if you check your ego at the door when you get back," Jerry shouted, and Miley slammed the front door shut before she said something she'd _really_ regret.

The ride home was just long enough for her anger to sour and deflate into something heavy and hopeless. She got inside and threw herself onto the couch, slumping down and gazing moodily at the floor.

How could she have thought she could put out an album, how could she have been stupid enough to sign a contract? What had she been thinking? She shouldn't have...how could she ever have let herself _want_ this, again, when wanting it was what had –

The front door opened and Lilly came limping in. "What're you doing here?" she demanded, not very happily.

Miley slumped down further. "I live here."

"Sorry," Lilly said. "I'm glad you're here, it's just...sucky day. You?"

"Sucky week." She watched Lilly limp the few steps over to the large, padded chair and collapse down onto it. "What happened to your leg?"

"The stupidest thing ever," Lilly said. "I tripped getting off my skateboard. Oh, and I found out that the paper I thought was due next week was actually due today. It's forty percent of my grade and now it's going to be late."

"Want some ice?" Miley offered, because she couldn't do anything about the paper.

"No. I just want to sit here and not think about how much today sucks for a few minutes before I have to go try to write ten pages in one night."

"I'm sorry about the paper, frog," Miley said. "And your leg." They were quiet for a minute, Miley trying to follow Lilly's suggestion and not think about how everything sucked. She didn't think Lilly was doing any better at it than she was.

"We should get an island," Miley said. "Jesse McCartney bought me one once. We should buy an island and go live there." She got up and went over to the chair, sat down sideways in Lilly's lap.

Lilly grunted and left her arms where they were, splayed out on the arm rests. Miley gently knocked her forehead against the side of Lilly's head. "I just want you and an island," she said.

"Well," Lilly said, and brought her arms around Miley. "You've got me."

Miley closed her eyes, breathed out. "Forget the island, then," she said, worming her arms around Lilly's neck and pulling them closer together. "I'm good."

"Yeah," Lilly said. "Me too."

And even on days like these Miley knew how lucky she was.

———————————————


	11. Forget Everything You Know

**Haaaaaa, the meat rap. How awesome was that? **_**Very awesome**_**. Oh, show, ilu and your meat-centered plotlines. Plz to have more of them.**

**xburningbrightx: Never go on vacation again! No, you should, vacations are good. I wish I could take one. This semester cannot end fast enough.**

**Anonymous: They will. Boy, will they ever. Just wait.**

**mileymadness:** **I don**'**t think Miley**'**s actually being coerced into doing this. I don**'**t think anyone really **_**could**_** coerce her. (Well, Lilly could. But she wouldn**'**t.) She wants this, she just doesn**'**t want to want it. If that makes sense.**

**Stupid-Lollies: Thanks, and just make sure you study for the real ones!**

**coffeeandcommunity: Ah, see, I am a nerd in the opposite direction. My degree was in computer science. And it's a difficult situation, because Lilly is right, but then you can also see Miley's side of not wanting to commit everything to that, and, yeah. That's just how things are sometimes.**

**You know what you guys are? More awesome than the meat rap. True story.**

———————————————

**Chapter Eleven: Forget Everything You Know**

———————————————

_oh you never could have imagined  
back then with the waves crashing  
what the body could erase.  
everything you retrieve is your past,  
everything you let go_

- Stephen Dunn, "The Vanishings"

———————————————

**October – December 2012**

Everything was going smoothly – or, most everything – when Diana showed up. Miley came into the studio one morning and found her in the control room talking to Jerry. "What are you doing here?" she demanded suspiciously.

"I just dropped by to see how things are going," Diana said, which Miley didn't believe for a second. The VP of A&R did not _drop by_ recording studios, especially not homemade ones eleven hundred miles from her office.

"You're checking up on me," Miley said, her temper flaring.

"I'm not checking up on you," said Diana, smiling tightly. "I'm just excited to hear how the album's coming along. Let's talk upstairs."

They went up to the second bedroom, the one D.G. wasn't using. Miley had stuck an old desk in there, turning it into a makeshift office so that they'd have a spot to keep paperwork. Diana's briefcase and laptop case were already on the desk, so she'd obviously been up here earlier. "All right, what are you really doing here?"

"I have some meetings downtown later today and tomorrow," Diana said. "So I thought I'd stop in. I really am excited to hear what you've done, and I'm not here to interfere, I promise."

Miley eyed her warily, still not sure if she believed her. "And that's it? There's no other reason for this visit?"

"Well," Diana said slowly. "There might be one more thing. Keith and I were talking, and there's someone we'd like you to meet. She's coming into town tomorrow morning and I'll bring her over."

Miley crossed her arms over her chest. She knew it. "What someone?"

"Don't worry," Diana said. "You're going to love her."

———————————————

Even through the closed door, Jenny could hear the shouts emanating from the room. Not the words themselves, but volume and the angry tone came through clear enough. Nervous, she smoothed her hands down the front of her skirt. It was her first day, and already it didn't seem to be going well. From what she'd heard before Hannah Montana slammed the door shut practically in her face, Hannah didn't want her here.

The training course she'd taken hadn't covered this situation, and Jenny didn't understand it. Didn't having a personal assistant make you _somebody?_ Who wouldn't want that? Jenny had been wishing for years that she would someday be famous enough to need an assistant, a manager, a whole entourage, but her nose was too long and she had about thirty pounds in all the wrong places, and when her stepfather kicked her out two years ago on her eighteenth birthday he'd laughed in her face when she'd told him that one day he'd regret it because she was gonna be famous.

She'd spent the past two years waiting tables, cleaning houses, and living in a crappy, two-bedroom apartment in L.A. with three other girls who wanted to be stars, trying to prove him wrong. Six weeks ago she'd finally faced up to the fact that he wasn't, so she'd signed up for a course for people who wanted to be personal assistants to celebrities, because if she couldn't be famous then damned if she wasn't going to be close to people who were.

But maybe the whole assistant thing didn't mean so much to Hannah. After all, she'd been _Hannah Montana_, she must be used to it. Jenny couldn't believe she was going to be working for Hannah Montana. Hannah, whose music had been her escape from twelve to fifteen, those first three horrible years after her mother had remarried. Too many nights to count she'd laid in bed with her headphones on, blaring Hannah's songs to block out the increasingly frequent sounds of fighting, and later, flesh hitting flesh.

Life's what you make it, Hannah sang, and Jenny believed her, believed that one day she was going to escape Spring Hill and make a life for herself, a perfect one, far, far away. And here she was. The years from fifteen on had taught her there was no such thing as perfect, but Seattle was as far as she could get from Florida, and now she had a good job, a great job, and that was enough.

In a way, Jenny had always thought it was Hannah who had saved her, the music giving her something to hold onto when she needed it most, keeping her from reaching out instead for cigarettes or alcohol or pot to dull the pain. Ironic, considering how Hannah's career had ended. But that was in the past now, and now Jenny actually had a chance to work with her.

A loud thud sounded from the behind the door: something slamming down on the pressboard top of the rickety metal desk. Well. _Maybe_ she had a chance to work with her.

The door sprang open, startling Jenny. " –ck you, Diana," Hannah was snarling. No. Miley. That had been Diana's one piece of advice to her on the way here: don't ever call her Hannah.

"Love you too, darling," Diana said, laughing, unfazed.

Miley glared at Jenny, nothing like the bubbly, cheerful, friendly image Jenny had carefully kept alive in her head all these years. "Follow me," she snapped. They were the last words Miley would say to her for the next three hours, and Jenny obeyed, keeping close behind her as she stalked down the stairs to the recording studio.

Miley grunted in response to the heys of the two guys in the control room. Without a word, she pointed to a spot near the back corner, and Jenny hurriedly took up station there while Miley shut herself in the recording booth. A guitar was already in there, propped up in a stand, and Miley picked it up and strummed it, making slight adjustments to the tuning.

"I'm Randy," one of the guys said, then pointed to the other one. "And that's Jerry."

"Jenny," Jenny said. "I'm, uh, Ms. Stewart's new assistant." But maybe not for long, she added silently.

"Huh," said Randy. "You got any idea what's got her so pissed off today?"

"Um, I think that would be me," Jenny admitted. "I mean, I don't think she's very happy I'm here. I don't think she wants an assistant."

Randy snorted and turned back to the soundboard, twisting a knob and pushing a slider up a notch. "Yeah, she wouldn't."

Jenny was going to ask him what he meant by that, but then Miley put the guitar down and started to sing, and Jenny looked through the glass at her, mesmerized by the sound of the clear, pure voice she remembered. A different song, though, so much slower and sadder than anything Hannah had ever sung, and Jenny felt herself get drawn in, absorbed, losing track of where she was and how long she'd been there.

A phone ringing in another room woke her from her trance an hour later. "Do you mind?" Jerry asked, nodding towards the door, so Jenny followed the ringing into the kitchen. There was a cordless handset on the base mounted to the wall and Jenny answered it.

"Um, hello?" she said uncertainly. She had no idea what the right way to answer a phone here was. Did this...studio, or whatever, even have a name?

There was a pause on the other end, which probably meant she'd guessed wrong. "Uh, hi, is Miley there?" came a woman's voice.

"Ms. Stewart is recording a song right now," Jenny said, doing her best to sound confident and professional even if she didn't feel that way.

"Oh." Another pause. "Well, this is Lilly, and I'll wait. Grab her for me the next time she has a second."

Just who did this woman think she was? One of the first things they taught in the training course was that you never got the celebrity to take a call; you got the caller's name so the celebrity could call back at their convenience. "I'm afraid Ms. Stewart is very busy right now. If I could get your full name and a number, perhaps she'll have a chance to call you back later today."

An even longer pause. Then, "Who is this?"

"This is Jennifer Coleman, Ms. Stewart's personal assistant."

"Ah." Jenny would have sworn there was amusement lacing the woman's voice. "Well, in that case, when Miley's done being 'very busy', why don't you tell her that I called, and that I said for her to have my people call her people."

"Don't you mean that the other way around?" Jenny asked.

"Nope," Lilly said. "Tell it to her exactly like that. She'll know what it means. And she's got the number." That kind of made Jenny rethink her strategy, but Lilly hung up before she could say anything. Jenny put the phone back on the base and returned to her spot in the control room, a little worried about whether or not she'd done the right thing, but she quickly got pulled back into the music.

Another two hours disappeared that way, gone seemingly in the blink of an eye. And blink Jenny did, incredulous at how much effort went into the recording process. She'd always known it took work, of course, but she'd never realized just how much. Sweat beaded Miley's brow and she wiped it on her sleeve as she exited the booth. "Did Diana leave?"

"About an hour ago," Jerry said, and Jenny suppressed a start of surprise. She hadn't even noticed the other woman leaving.

"Good," Miley said. "I'm taking a break."

"Lunch?" Randy asked.

"Yeah," Miley said shortly, walking out.

Jenny trailed after her, not knowing what else to do. Behind her, she could hear Jerry saying, "God, I sure hope she talks to Lilly over lunch." That comment certainly didn't make her feel any better. It meant she probably had done the wrong thing and now Miley was going to hate her even more.

"Uh, Ms. Stewart?" Jenny said timidly. "I think you should know, someone named Lilly called."

Miley whirled around, stopping to abruptly Jenny almost banged into her. "When?" she demanded.

"A-about two hours ago?"

"And you waited until _now_ to tell me?"

Crap. She'd definitely done the wrong thing. It was her first day, and she was probably going to get fired. "I'm s-sorry, you were recording, and I didn't know if she was someone whose call you'd want to take, and – "

Miley held up a hand. "I _always_ want to take Lilly's calls, okay? She always gets put through. Don't interrupt me if I'm recording, but at the first possible second, you tell me. Got that?" Jenny nodded, mute. Miley pulled a cell phone from her pocket and looked at it, cursing under her breath. "Goddammit, I never get reception in this house. What did she say?"

"She said, um, she said that you should have her people call your people." The message really didn't make any sense and Jenny cringed a little, waiting for Miley to start yelling again.

Miley stared at her, then barked a short laugh. "Cute." She whirled again and walked off towards the front door. Jenny followed her through the door and outside, and would have kept following her if Miley hadn't planted a hand on her shoulder and said, "Stay."

So she stayed while Miley went a few steps away and peered at her phone again, apparently liking what she saw better this time, because she hit a button and put the phone to her ear. She glanced over at Jenny and Jenny quickly looked down at her feet and the cracked cement walkway under them, pretending not to be eavesdropping.

"Hey," Miley said into the phone, her voice gentle and fond, not at all the way she'd been talking to Jenny. "This is your people calling." A pause. "Yes, you're very clever," voice sarcastic now but still fond. Another pause. "Yeah. Jenny, yeah." Pause. "I don't know, Keith and Diana are the ones who – " Long pause. A sigh. "Listen, can we talk about this later? I need to get back to work – " Pause. "Coffee counts, right?" Jenny turned her head, hiding her smile at the wistful hope in Miley's voice. "Fine, fine, I will. Are you working tonight? Want me to come pick you up when I get done here?" A beat. "Oh yeah, I forgot you had the car. Okay, see you then. Love you."

Miley ended the call and slid the phone back into her pocket. "I've been ordered to eat food for lunch," she informed Jenny, more civil than she had been all day. Jenny bit her lip. She _really_ should have put Lilly's call through. "You should eat, too. Come back in an hour."

Without waiting for a response, she strode off down the street. There was a cafe two streets over; Diana had pointed it out when she'd driven Jenny in this morning. Jenny had no idea where else to go for lunch, but she wasn't going there if Miley was.

Pushing open the door, she started back inside. Maybe the guys had some suggestions. And maybe they could tell her other things, too, like just who this Lilly was and what she was to Miley. Because it seemed like they were really close, but Hannah Montana couldn't be gay. Could she?

Not that Jenny would care if she was; it wasn't like there was anything _wrong_ with it. She just hadn't been expecting that it was possible, because the press had always made such a big deal over all the guys Hannah had dated. But then again, so far nothing about this day had been what she'd expected.

———————————————

The door to the control room opened partially, admitting a slim young woman with dirty blonde hair. Even though Miley was in the studio and there was no way she could have heard the door open, she looked up when it did, immediately favoring the woman with a smile so open and loving it made Jenny's breath catch. Did that mean the woman was –

"Hey, Lilly," Randy said, and Jerry echoed the greeting. So that _was_ Lilly.

"Hey, guys," Lilly responded. "She about done?"

"Two more minutes," Jerry told her.

Jenny took a step forward, bringing herself to Lilly's attention. From what had happened earlier, and Miley's reaction to the woman's presence just now, Jenny thought it would probably be wise to be on Lilly's good side. "I'm Jenny," she said. "I just want to apologize for earlier, not putting your call through. It won't happen again."

"Ah, so you're Jenny," Lilly said, looking her up and down appraisingly and offering her hand. "I'm Lilly, and don't worry about it. I'm guessing Miley forgot to mention me until after I called?"

Shaking her hand, Jenny rushed to explain. "It's just that Ms. Stewart's been so busy today, and well, to tell you the truth, she hasn't spoken to me that much at all, but I'm sure she would have brought it up soon, and really it was my fault for not – "

"Hang on, calm down," Lilly said. "It was her fault, not yours." Jenny blinked. The first thing they'd taught her in her training course was that mistakes were _always_ the assistant's fault. "Give her time," Lilly continued.

Now she was thoroughly confused. "What?"

"You said she didn't talk to you much. Give her time. She's in a bad mood today – again, not your fault – but she'll get over it." The bad mood seemed to have disappeared, Jenny thought, watching Miley bring the song to an end and come out of the booth, and she was pretty sure that the change had everything to do with Lilly.

Her suspicions were confirmed when Miley smiled for the second time that day as the two women embraced, then kissed each other lightly. So, yeah. Okay. Hannah Montana was definitely gay. Jenny was totally cool with that. "You ready to go?" Lilly asked.

"Past ready," Miley chuckled. _Chuckled._ Amazement almost made Jenny's jaw drop. It was like she was looking at a completely different person from the mercurial singer she'd watched all day.

"Go get your stuff," Lilly ordered. "I want to finish talking to Jenny a minute."

Miley nodded. "Okay. Come find me when you're done." She vanished down the hall and Jenny felt strangely adrift, having tagged along behind her for the past six hours.

"Jerry, Randy, could you guys give us a minute?" Lilly asked.

They looked up from the sound board in surprise. "S-sure," Jerry said. Both of them shot to their feet, glancing sympathetically at Jenny before they cleared out of the room.

"You're going to be spending a lot of time with Miley, so there's something I need to talk to you about," Lilly said seriously, walking over and shut the door and Jenny swallowed nervously. Was she mad about earlier? But she'd said not to worry about it, that it was Miley's fault. Maybe she thought Jenny would try to steal Miley away from her?

"I'm straight," Jenny blurted out.

The utterly bewildered look Lilly gave her told Jenny she'd been way off the mark. "How nice for you," Lilly said, and Jenny could feel her face turn bright red. Oh god, why did she have to be such an idiot? Now Lilly would tell Miley about this and she'd probably be fired.

"Okay, Jenny, I need you to listen to me, because while this situation probably won't ever come up, if it does it's very important that you do exactly what I tell you. Do you understand?" No, Jenny thought, nodding anyway. She had no idea what Lilly was talking about. "You know Miley was Hannah Montana?"

"Of course," Jenny gushed. "I used to lo—"

"That's great," Lilly cut in. "Where's your cell phone?"

"What?" It felt like she was missing major parts of this conversation.

"Your cell phone. You do have one, right?"

"Um, yeah." Jenny dug through her purse and found the phone, holding it up.

Lilly had her own phone out; she had Jenny recite her number while she punched it in and then called her, pressing the end button as soon as Jenny's phone rang. "Good, so we've got each other's numbers." She put her phone away and waited for Jenny to do the same before she spoke again. "Now, this is the important part, okay? If Miley ever asks you to get alcohol for her, _you don't do it_. You call me instead, right away."

Oh, Jenny thought._ That's_ what this was about. "I don't care what she says," Lilly continued. "I don't care what kind of threat she makes, if she tells you you'll be fired, whatever. You call me. If she doesn't ask you to get it, but you still think she's drinking, or using, if you even have the _slightest_ suspicion, you call me. No matter what Miley says, because if I find out she is and you haven't told me, so help me god, I will hunt you down and make you pay and it will be ten thousand times worse than anything she could ever do to you. You got that?"

Lilly's previously friendly eyes were hard and ice cold. Gulping, Jenny nodded vigorously. "Yeah," she managed. "Got it." And she'd thought _Miley_ was scary.

The ice evaporated in an instant and Lilly smiled at her. "Great. And like I said, it probably won't ever come up, but just in case." Her smile widened. "You know, I can just tell we're going to be friends. And don't worry, I'll talk to Miley tonight, she'll be better tomorrow. Speaking of, I shouldn't keep her waiting, so have a good night, Jenny, and I'm sure I'll be seeing you again soon. Maybe you can come over to our house for dinner one night. I'll call you." With a wave, she was out the door, not waiting for Jenny's reply.

Jenny stared at the empty doorway, blinking at the sudden departure. She hadn't decided yet if this job was going to be exciting or petrifying, but she knew one thing: it was not going to be boring.

———————————————

Rain misted down on the car windshield, forming a pattern of tiny drops that was soon wiped away. They needed new wiper blades, Lilly noted, adding it to her mental list of things to do. Right now the list was so long, they probably wouldn't even be living in Seattle by the time she got around to replacing them.

"So Jenny seems nice," Lilly said, because she knew Miley wasn't going to bring it up. Miley hmphed but didn't say anything and Lilly sighed. "Of course, she's afraid of you."

"She's not afraid of me," Miley said.

"No, but she thinks you hate her because you didn't talk to her all day, and she's probably afraid you're going to fire her at the drop of a hat."

"I don't hate her," Miley said grudgingly. "Not her personally."

"Then stop acting like it," Lilly said. No answer. "Look, I know you're pissed at Diana and Keith, but there's no reason to take that out on Jenny. Or me."

"It's just – why did she have to saddle me with an assistant?"

"You knew you'd have to get one sometime," Lilly pointed out.

"Yeah, when the album launches, or if I go on tour. Then I'd need one. I even could have understood if they'd done this before, to help with getting the studio set up. But why _now?_"

"Did Diana say why?" Lilly asked.

"She gave me some bull about how she and Keith didn't want me getting too stressed out," Miley said. "But I'm pretty sure she just wants to make sure I don't have any excuses for dragging my heels and coming in late on the album." She paused a second, then continued. "I thought I'd have more time. Things keep happening before I'm ready."

Lilly took one hand off the steering wheel, offering it to Miley in silent support. Gripping it tightly, Miley leaned her head against the window and exhaled noisily. "There isn't even anything for her to do right now," she complained. "I mean, I'm in the studio all day. Today she just stood around and watched me recording."

"There's got to be something," Lilly said.

"Yeah? Like what?"

"Well," Lilly joked, "we need new windshield wiper blades."

———————————————

Jenny was already at the studio when Miley got there in the morning. She came out of the kitchen with coffee in her hands and an anxious look on her face. The same look she'd had all day yesterday, only Miley had been too wrapped up in silently cursing Diana to care. She smiled brightly at the girl now and watched the nervousness disappear into a tentative answering smile. Dammit. Lilly was right. Again. Jenny was afraid of her.

"Good morning, Ms. Stewart," Jenny said.

Okay, that was going to have to stop. "Morning," Miley said, taking the coffee Jenny handed her. "And thanks." Black, and very strong. Either Diana was giving her pointers, or the woman learned fast. Motioning for Jenny to follow her, Miley headed upstairs for the office.

Miley took a seat behind the cheap desk and motioned for Jenny to take the chair on the other side. The anxiety was making a comeback, but she did.

"Let's talk," Miley said. "There are a few ground rules we need to establish if you're going to be working for me." Jenny swallowed and nodded. "First – " Miley held up a finger. " – it's Miley. Not Ms. Stewart. Second – " Another finger joined the first. " – you work for me. Not Diana. Not Keith. Got that?"

Jenny nodded vigorously. "You sign the paychecks. Got it."

"Third – " There were three fingers now. "You're my assistant for everything related my career."

"Oh, they told me I have to be available all the time," Jenny assured her. "It's not a problem, I – "

"That's not what I meant," Miley said. "What I mean is, you're my assistant, not my personal servant. If there's a concert and I need my outfit picked up, you do that. My own dry-cleaning? Not your job. You do what I need you to do to get my job done, you don't have to fulfill my every little whim. You with me so far?"

"I think so," Jenny said, looking much more confident.

"Good," Miley said. "Because the other thing I need is for you to be an actual person."

Confusion replaced the confidence. "Okay, now you've lost me."

Miley sighed, not sure exactly how to explain this. "I need you to be yourself, not just an assistant. You don't always have to agree with me. Or even ever agree with me. And if I'm being rude to you, like yesterday, tell me to knock it off. If your cat is sick or your sister is getting married, you tell me and you take time off."

"I don't have a cat," Jenny said, still confused. "Or a sister."

"That's not the point," Miley said gently. "The point is, you have a life, and that's just as important as whatever we've got going on here. Keep it. Don't let this job take it away from you, because it can, very easily. Don't lose yourself. When I ask, tell me what you think, not what you think I want to hear." She remembered how easy it was to stop thinking of people as people when all they did was agree with every single word that came out of her mouth, and she didn't want that to happen, not again.

Jenny stared at her a moment, digesting that. "This isn't at all how they'd said it would be."

How who had said it would be? Keith? Diana? "Maybe not. But this is the way I want it. You think you can do that?"

"Yes," Jenny said, looking very determined.

"Good. Shake on it?" They did, and then Miley took a long sip of coffee, glad that was over with. This might not be so bad. "Okay, first things first, have you found an apartment and gotten settled in?"

Jenny's eyes dropped. "Uh, I've been staying at the Holiday Inn out on Aurora, but I'm sure I'll be able to find a place this weekend."

"No way," Miley said. "You take today and find a place, tomorrow if you need it. There are some nice places down in Capitol Hill that – " She cut herself off as something occurred to her. "How much am I paying you anyway? Do you even work for me officially yet? Isn't there paperwork or something I need to sign? Tax forms that need to get filed?"

"Yeah, um, I-9s, I think?" Jenny shifted uncomfortably. "And, uh, Keith guaranteed me thirty thousand a year."

Miley shook her head. "No, that won't work. Let's start you off with forty-five. So why don't you find out what needs to get done to make this official – call Paul, he's my business manager. I'll give you his number, I'm sure he knows and can fax out the papers. You might have to stay at the Holiday Inn another night, but it'll be a lot easier to find an apartment if you have proof of employment. Oh, and a laptop. Call Diana and tell her I said I expect her to pick up the tab for a new one for you. Tell her I said she owes me for springing this on me. Just let her think I'm still pissed at her."

Jenny pulled a small pad of paper and a pen out of her purse and started jotting down a list, nodding as she wrote each item. "Okay, got it. I think."

"Great. See if you can get a PDA out of Diana while you're at it. And there really isn't too much for you to do while we're recording, so once we've got all this sorted out and you find a place and get unpacked, I've got a project for you if you're interested. But _only_ if you're interested." It wasn't technically work-related, although it did have to do with the future proceeds from the album. And it would keep Jenny busy, plus give Miley a chance to see how she worked.

"What's that?" Jenny asked.

Miley grinned. "You're gonna help me figure out what to do with my money."

———————————————

Her arms were so full that Jenny had to kick at the ugly, puke-green door instead of knocking. It swung open a minute later and Miley gave her a rueful smile when she saw the stack of papers loading Jenny down.

"Hey," Miley said, reaching out and relieving Jenny of half her burden before taking a step back and gesturing into the house with her head. "Come on in."

Whatever Jenny had been expecting, it wasn't this. The house was small from the outside, but she'd thought that surely the inside would reflect Miley's financial status, which Jenny now knew to the dollar thanks to several of the papers in her arms. And, yeah, the living room was tastefully decorated, but the furniture would have been right at home in Jenny's friend Melina's house, and while her father was a doctor, he was hardly a multi-millionaire.

Expect the unexpected, Jenny thought. She was thinking about making it her motto for this job. The past two weeks had certainly set all of her expectations on their heads.

There was a doorway off to her right immediately as she stepped into the house, and Jenny glanced through it, finding a small room set up with a keyboard, several guitars, and a desk with a laptop on it: obviously where Miley worked at home.

"I hope you don't mind making this a working dinner," Miley said, depositing her share of the papers on the highly polished coffee table. Jenny did the same. "We'll definitely eat first, at least. It's just Lilly would really like to see what you've come up with, but we could set up a meeting during the day if you'd rather do this when you're on the clock."

"No, I don't mind," Jenny assured her. In fact, she was excited at the prospect of finally getting to show off the work she'd done over the last week and a half and getting input from Miley so that she could move forward. This hadn't been the kind of work she'd been expecting with this job – again, expect the unexpected – which had been more along the lines of fetching coffee and making phone calls, and though at first she'd felt more than a little out of her depth, after a while she'd really gotten into it. "And thanks again for having me."

Miley waved her words away, then led her into the dining room and told her to take a seat at the table before disappearing into the kitchen with the assurance that she and Lilly would be bringing dinner right out. Dinner went smoothly, with none of the awkward pauses that usually cropped up among people who didn't know each other very well, which surprised Jenny, although, she thought, shaking a mental finger at herself, it shouldn't have.

Lilly and Miley quickly cleared the plates away after they ate while Jenny took two trips to bring in all the papers and organized them into neat little stacks on the table. As much as she'd enjoyed dinner, both the food and the conversation, Jenny was glad they had this to turn to, because as charming as Miley and Lilly were, this whole thing was still a little weird. Better to think of this as a business dinner, because then she could keep herself from freaking out over the fact that she was _actually having dinner in Hannah Montana's house_.

"Coffee?" Miley asked, poking her head in from the kitchen.

"Sure," Jenny agreed absently, caught up in sorting through the folders. The coffee, when it came, was in an I LOVE TN mug, and Jenny rolled her eyes at herself for having expected fine china. She took a sip and went back to the papers in front of her, hardly hearing when Lilly and Miley settled back in their seats. It took her a few minutes to realize that silence had fallen, and she looked back up to find identical small smiles on Lilly and Miley's faces as two sets of sparkling blue eyes regarded her with interest.

"Oh," she said. "Right. Okay, well I guess the first thing is that you're probably going to want to set up some kind of foundation or something." She selected a thick, stapled packet from one folder and slid it across the table towards them.

"Actually, I was thinking the first thing would be to figure out how much money we have to work with," Miley said.

"You don't know?" Jenny asked. Across the table they shook their heads in unison. Rich people were so weird. Jenny knew how much was in her checking account down to the last penny. And right now it was a satisfyingly high number, thanks to Miley's insistence that she advance Jenny her first paycheck so she could use the money to get herself settled.

"Paul sends a report every few months," Miley said. "I think they're all upstairs in the desk, but I usually don't look at them. I trust he knows what he's doing."

"He does," Jenny assured her. He was also very protective of this particular client of his. It had taken both a signed letter and a phone call from Miley before he'd given her access to any information, and Jenny strongly suspected she'd been the subject of a very thorough background check. But that was nothing new; she was pretty sure Keith and Diana had each run one on her as well. She retrieved papers from a different stack and slid those across the table too. "Altogether you have assets totaling just over eight hundred million dollars."

"Wow," Lilly said, eyes wide. Jenny nodded in understanding. She'd had over a week to get used to that number and sometimes it still overwhelmed her.

"And that doesn't include the current contract. I left that out because, comparatively speaking, the advance is negligible – " Which wasn't to say it couldn't pay Jenny's salary for the next two decades. " – and the rest really depends on how the album sells."

"Okay," Miley said, seemingly unaffected by the knowledge of just how much money she had. "So what does that mean, I mean, you said assets...?"

"Right. Most of that is tied up in investments, because, like you said, Paul knows what he's doing." In fact, the yearly equivalents of those quarterly reports he sent Miley, along with Paul's reluctant explanations of them, had provided most of Jenny's lessons in finances and investments. More papers went across the table, and Jenny listed some the investments and explained how they didn't have immediate access to a lot of the money because it was tied up in real estate or long-term bonds or stock portfolios. "Which is fine, because you can always donate more later. Basically, you're looking at about two hundred and fifty million that can be used for an endowment right now."

"And that's to create a foundation?" Miley asked.

At least a third of Jenny's papers were now on the other side of the table, and she added a few more for good measure at Miley's latest question, watching as they bent their heads together to read. "Yeah. And then you, and, well, anyone else you want can serve as the board."

"Sounds good," Miley murmured, both of them still reading the latest batch of papers, which detailed some of the basic information that they were going to have to figure out before this could go forward. Like what exactly this foundation was going to _do_.

Jenny reached for the pen she'd clipped to the front of one of the folders and started jotting down notes in the margins of her papers delineating the benefits of private foundations versus donor advisor funds or supporting organizations. She was going to leave a copy with them, but she was pretty sure Miley would want the control of a private foundation. "Now with that size endowment you're looking at a little over twelve million given out every year."

"That's it?" Lilly asked.

"Well, that's typical. The rest gets invested so that the foundation stays viable. You can always give more if you want, but that's the minimum percent you have to give by law." Jenny shifted a bit in her chair. She really didn't want to start getting into the math; it was already getting late and it would be better to leave to someone with a firmer grasp of this stuff anyway. Which was why another thing they needed to start deciding on tonight was finding someone to actually handle the legal and financial aspects of all of this. Not to mention someone to _run_ the thing once it was established, because while Miley might want control, Jenny didn't think she was bargaining on handling all the day-to-day headaches.

For now, she changed the subject to something less important but much more interesting to her. "Any ideas what you want to call it?" She was tired of thinking of this project as some unformed future entity. It would just seem much more real if it had a name.

Neither of them answered for a minute, then Lilly looked up. "The Oliver Foundation," she said quietly. Miley had been reaching a hand out to turn a page: now it froze in mid-air. A second later it resumed motion and Miley carried on reading, leaving Jenny wondering if she'd imagined the whole thing.

"O-okay," Jenny stuttered, pen posed over paper. She might still be new at this, but she knew by now that what Lilly said, went. "Um, is that one L or two?"

"One," Miley said flatly.

"Okay," Jenny said again, writing it down. She didn't know what had just happened, but it was probably best just to keep going. "Do you have any idea what causes you want to support with the money?" She herself had three thick folders full of ideas.

Lilly glanced at Miley. "I don't know," Miley said. "I was looking at stuff online this morning and nothing really felt right, but let me run up and get the printouts so y'all can take a look at them."

"You've done an incredible amount of work, Jenny," Lilly said as Miley left the room. "Really."

"Thanks," Jenny said, embarrassed. She was only doing her job. They sat silently a moment, both absorbed in the papers in front of them, before Jenny looked up. This was the first time she'd been alone with Lilly since they'd met. "Um, Lilly?" Lilly looked at her curiously and Jenny took a deep breath. She didn't like talking about this, but under the circumstances...

"My stepfather's an alcoholic," she blurted. "He hits my mom. So you don't have to worry. I just wanted you to know."

Lilly slowly nodded once, holding Jenny's gaze. "Thank you."

Miley stampeded back into the room, waving a handful of papers and saving Jenny from having to reply. "Got 'em. And I didn't realize it was so late already, we should probably wrap this up for tonight."

"Okay," Jenny agreed. "Why don't we just trade what we have and look at it later then?"

"What do you have?" Miley asked. Jenny tapped her four-inch-high stack. Lilly and Miley shared a look. "Yeah, we're definitely gonna have to put that in the look-at-later pile," Miley said, grinning, and Lilly nodded agreement.

Jenny grinned back. "I thought you might. So then the only other things I wanted to bring up tonight are that you need someone to handle the legal parts of this – "

"I can get in touch with our lawyer," Miley said. "If she can't do it herself I'm sure she could recommend someone."

"Good." Jenny opened another folder and pulled out a stack of papers stapled into five separate packets. "The last thing is you're going to need is someone to run it." The papers landed with a soft thud on top of the ever-growing pile. "Now depending on the mission you decide on, I can look for people with experience in that specific area, but here are a couple of general candidates to give you an idea of the type of person you'll be looking for."

Miley and Lilly glanced at each other and then looked across the table at her.

"Or maybe we could just have Jenny run it," Lilly suggested, and they both laughed when she blushed.

———————————————

The plate almost slipped out of Lilly's hand. She gripped it tighter, finished rinsing it off, then stuck it in the dishwasher. Their dishwasher was newer than the one at her parents' house and they didn't really need to pre-rinse the dishes, but for her it was habit. Miley came in from the dining room with the rest of the dishes and piled them on the counter, hopping up to sit in a clear spot on the other side of them.

Lilly grabbed another plate and ran it under the water. "Eight hundred million," she said. "I didn't know we had that much money. Did you know we had that much money?"

Miley shrugged. "Kind of. I knew the general ballpark, but I don't really care about that stuff anymore. I mean, if I did we'd be wearing designer clothes, driving Porsches, and living on the water over in Laurelhurst. But..." She trailed off and Lilly glanced over at her, was surprised to see her looking a little worried. "If _you_ care, we could – "

"No," Lilly reassured her quickly. She would never let Miley think, even for a second, that her money was at all important to Lilly. "No, I don't care. I'm happy where we are, trust me."

"Good," Miley said, relieved.

"But I am glad we're doing this," Lilly said.

"Should've done it sooner," Miley said. "I just wasn't thinking about it. She – the other – she used to give donations here and there, and Paul kept it up, I just had him do it under the radar. But with the new album I got to thinking it was time to set up something more permanent. Any money that comes out of the album can just go straight into this."

Lilly finished with the plates and turned the tap off, gathering up the glasses and mugs on the counter and dumping the dregs of water, tea, and coffee into the sink before putting the glasses in the dishwasher. "That's a good idea. And it seems like Jenny's doing well."

"Yeah, she's okay," Miley allowed. "I guess."

"Oh, come on," Lilly argued. "You saw that stack of papers she had. That was totally impressive."

"Fine," Miley agreed reluctantly. "She's good."

"Did you really think Keith and Diana would pick out someone who wasn't?" In fact, Lilly was pretty sure that, between the two of them, they knew every last detail of Jenny's life and abilities, including her abusive, alcoholic stepfather and the fact that she used to be a Hannah fan.

"No," Miley said. "But they still could have waited. And _asked_."

"You would have said no. And it's better that you know her now. Everything will be so crazy when the album comes out." Which was probably just what Keith and Diana had been thinking. Lilly turned the water back on and rinsed off the silverware.

"No, it won't," Miley said. She jumped off the counter and came to stand behind Lilly, wrapping her arms around Lilly's waist and resting her chin on Lilly's shoulder.

"You know what makes washing the dishes a lot easier?" Lilly asked. "Not having another person attached to your back."

"You know what makes washing dishes a lot more fun?" Miley said. "Having your girlfriend distract you from doing them."

"Oh, really?" Lilly said, and waited to see what she'd do, more than amenable to leaving the rest of the dishes until later. But Miley only continued to hold her, and after a moment Lilly dropped the silverware in the sink, rinsed her hands, and turned the water off again. "Do you want to change the name?"

"No," Miley said. "Of course not." They stood silently another minute before Miley asked, "What are you thinking?"

Lilly was wondering if Oliver understood why she'd left, if he'd ever been able to forgive her. She was trying to remember exactly what his face looked like when he was angry with her, but she couldn't. She knew how much it would hurt Miley, though, to voice those thoughts, so she released them, cleared her throat, picked up the silverware again. "Oh, nothing," she said. "Just trying to figure out why I'm working for nine bucks an hour when we're practically billionaires."

Miley chuckled in her ear. "Because you like it there. For reasons I'll never understand. You'd probably live at the skatepark if you could."

"Hey," Lilly said defensively, tapping at Miley's hands so she'd let go and Lilly could stick the forks and knives in the dishwasher. "I can't help it that skating's fun!"

"Hey, I love it that you love skating," Miley said. She put her hands on Lilly's hips and turned Lilly around to face her. "Believe me. I hope you skate forever, because I love your helmet hair and scabby knees, and nothing turns me on more than elbow-pad rash."

Lilly laughed. "What about wrinkled dish hands? Those do anything for you?"

"Oh, yeah," Miley said, and leaned in to kiss her.

———————————————

In the end, to Jenny's everlasting relief, they found someone else to run the foundation. But first she had to spend two weeks hunched over her new laptop in the office Diana and Miley had argued in Jenny's first morning, researching possible causes. Nothing she came up with seemed "right" to Miley, and while Jenny might have forgotten most of the useless information she'd learned in her training course, she wasn't quite ready to scream at her boss to just make up her mind already, for the love of god. She was, however, rapidly approaching that point.

Monday of the third week Miley stopped by the office on her way to the recording studio. "I talked to my Mamaw last night," Miley said. "She said it's been raining there the past three days – " Jenny just stopped herself from scoffing. It had been raining in Seattle for the past three _weeks_. " – and the roof in one of my cousin's classrooms fell in. I want you to call her."

So Jenny called Mrs. Stewart, who talked for over an hour without taking a breath, or so it seemed to Jenny. Then she went online and found a local photographer and contracted him to take pictures of some of the schools in the areas surrounding Nashville.

Two days later, he sent her a link to photo gallery, and by that time she'd already found four C.E.O. candidates with experience managing charitable funds in the field of education. She printed out some of the worst photos and sent them home in an envelope with Miley, and she wasn't surprised when Miley left her a voicemail later that night that simply said, "Do it."

The next morning Miley came by the office again. "See if you can get this thing going by Thanksgiving," she said, and Jenny just nodded. Thanksgiving was less than a month away, but Jenny didn't realize how impossible that request was until the lawyer Juliana recommended and all of the potential C.E.O.s laughed in her face when she brought it up.

"Maybe Christmas," the last one said, and they hired her because everyone else said February.

Her name was Jane Pierce and she started calling Jenny so many times a day that for a while Jenny thought she was Jane's assistant instead of Miley's. The problem was that she needed the board's approval for a lot of things, but the board was Miley, and Miley was in the studio all day. At this point, Jenny knew more about the foundation than she did, anyway, so she took Jane's calls, and the lawyer's, and figured out what they should do, and then she ran everything past Miley over lunch, or in hurried conversations while Miley gathered her things at the end of the day. It was tiresome, and it slowed things down, but Jenny didn't see any other way.

Miley was less patient and more creative: by the end of the week Jenny was on the board. "You're joking," Jenny said when Miley told her. "This is your money, and I don't know anything about starting a foundation."

Miley laughed. "You've been telling me what to do for weeks now," she said. "This way you won't have to come to me with every little thing." Jenny had to admit it made sense, in the weird kind of way anything in her life did since she'd started this job. Expect the unexpected.

When she got her next paycheck, just before Christmas and just after the Oliver Foundation officially came into existence, she thought it was a mistake. But Miley only laughed again when Jenny asked her about it. "I'm paying you for the work you're doing," she said. Two months ago Jenny would have protested, but now she knew that, for Miley, tacking on an extra ten grand a year was roughly the equivalent of handing Jenny the loose change she found in the sofa.

Jenny was barely twenty years old, no college degree, making over fifty thousand dollars a year and sitting on the board of a two hundred and fifty million dollar private foundation. Maybe there was such a thing as perfect after all. It made her head spin if she thought about it too much, so she didn't. She took a two week trip to Hawai'i over Christmas and New Year's while Miley and Lilly were in Malibu, and when she got back she almost bought a big flat screen TV, but she thought about all the financial reports she'd studied and called Paul instead to ask how much money she'd need to have before she could begin investing.

Then she threw herself into helping Miley get ready for the album release, and waited for this to start feeling real.

———————————————

**Bleh, sorry to keep dumping so many OCs on you guys. I think this is the last of them. I know it's annoying, there's just so many people that go into making an album, and I've tried to pare them down as much as possible, but yeah. And I'm sorry to switch off to Jenny's pov, but it made covering the time easier, and maybe it was kind of interesting to see their relationship from the outside? Yeah, I don't know. Sorry.**


	12. Back In The Spotlight Again

**Dear ff dot net: Why you gotta be like that? I was perfectly willing to hand-code the formatting I wanted for part of this chapter, but no. You would not even let me do that. That is not cool. Srsly. No love, cutflowers.**

**Okay, so y'all are going to hate me because I don't have time to respond individually to your comments like you deserve due to your overwhelming awesomeness. I have to go write a paper that was supposed to be finished yesterday but I haven't even started yet because, um, I was doing stuff for this chapter. What? I totally have my priorities in order! Yeah, don't follow my example, okay, guys?**

**Shout-outs to everyone, but especially xburningbrightx, TutorGurlTigger, live2rite, Vanessa Riverton, Stupid-Lollies, oh one, mileymadness, croaker001, Kurrent, and coffeeandcommunity (get some rest!!). You all rock.**

———————————————

**Chapter Twelve: Back In The Spotlight Again**

———————————————

_Broken record on the stereo  
Shattered glass from a past I can't let go  
I hope to hell this is the last time  
I hope to hell this is the last time I ever hurt_

- Lovers and Liars, _Nothing Left Here to Burn_

———————————————

**February 2013**

The album was done. They'd finished most of the recording before Christmas, and only spent a week in the studio after New Year's before sending it off to get mastered. After that Miley had spent a couple weeks on the phone and emailing back and forth with Jackson. She had him doing the art for the album, but it was slow going since he was in his last term at USC. But now even that was done, and all that was left was waiting for Diana to send her a copy of the finished, put-together album.

Miley didn't know what to do with herself. All the endless days of being in the studio laying down tracks, listening to them, laying them down _again_, learning from D.G. how to use the soundboard to get everything just right, all of that was over. Instead, she puttered around the house while Lilly was in class, and got so bored she even went in with Lilly to work at the skatepark one day, which wouldn't have been so bad if Lilly had gotten to skate at all, but it was too busy for that and all Miley ended up with was a free cup of coffee since one of Lilly's co-workers also worked at the coffee shop across the street.

There was always a sense of letdown when an album wrapped, but before there'd been school or interviews or photo shoots, commercial shoots, video shoots, or a million other things to take up her time. Now she rattled from room to room restlessly, sitting down with Lola with the intention of writing something new only to jump up again after a few minutes, or flipping from one channel to another with increasing frequency until she came to the conclusion that there really was nothing good on TV these days. The house had never been cleaner, because Miley spent an entire week obsessively dusting, scrubbing, and vacuuming. She even wiped down the baseboards and moved the furniture so she could clean behind it.

"I'm bored," she whined to Lilly every time Lilly got home.

Lilly only laughed. "Catch up on your reading," she said.

"I already did that," Miley told her.

"There are always more books," Lilly said. "Or you could write my paper for my Econ class for me if you'd rather." By the time Miley had declined to do her practical writing homework, a two page reaction paper to a hundred pages of readings for Psych, and an Intro to Logic take-home exam, Lilly was out of patience. "Sorry, toad, but you're gonna have to entertain yourself."

Miley had never been very good at that; she'd always thrived on being insanely busy. Screw this, she thought one morning, waking up so obscenely late it was really afternoon. She had to get out of the house, at least for a little while.

Lilly wouldn't be home until eight since she was going straight to a shift at the skatepark from class. Miley decided she'd have dinner ready when she got back. She'd make double-dipped fried chicken, and Mamaw's macaroni and cheese, and the Best Green Beans Ever, since Lilly still stubbornly refused to try collards. And biscuits, of course. And blueberry cobbler for dessert. That should keep her busy. Since Lilly wasn't there she'd turn down the heat so it wouldn't get too warm with the oven on.

And she'd get Lilly flowers. Bright ones, since Lilly was always complaining about how gray winter was here. Lilly deserved flowers.

She went to the store and the florist, enjoying being out and about even for such mundane activities, and came back two hours later, juggling grocery bags and a bouquet of yellow and orange tulips as she tried to get her key in the front door. Stashing the vanilla ice cream in the freezer and the chicken in the fridge, she got a vase from under the sink and arranged the tulips in it, setting them in the middle of the kitchen table. Then she started on the cobbler.

The doorbell rang half an hour later, just as Miley slid the cobbler in the oven. She quickly rinsed her hands at the sink to get the flour off them, but there wasn't anything she could do about the white smears on the front of her shirt. A glance through the peephole revealed a man in a DHL uniform.

"Afternoon, ma'am," he said, tipping his hat at her when she opened the door. "I've got a delivery for a Millie Stewart?"

"It's Miley," Miley corrected him, though she didn't know why she bothered. He was staring at a spot on her cheek and she wiped at it with the back of her hand. It came away covered with flour. Oops. "That's me."

He thrust a clipboard at her. "You have to sign for it."

She signed and exchanged the clipboard for a padded envelope about the size of...a cd case. And the return address was a stick-on label for Pacific. This was the album.

She shut the door, barely registering the delivery guy's rote entreaty that she have a nice day. She sat down on the couch and tossed the envelope on the coffee table, putting her elbows on her knees and propping her chin in her hands, staring at the buff-colored package. She wasn't sure she wanted to open it.

Finally, she got up and found her cell phone, dialing Diana. Maybe it wasn't the album after all. It couldn't hurt to check, just to know for sure before she opened it.

"Miley, darling," Diana greeted her. "So, what do you think? We just got it in late yesterday, I overnighted it."

So much for that theory, not that she'd really placed much hope in it. What else would the record company have been sending her? "I haven't opened it yet," Miley said.

"What are you waiting for?" Diana asked. "Go ahead, open it, I want to hear your reaction."

"I'll call you back," Miley said, and hung up.

She switched the phone for the envelope and sat back down on the couch, turning the package over and over in her hands. No point in putting it off. She ripped open the top and tipped it so that the cd case slid out into her hand. This was it. The finished album, ready to be released.

The front cover was simple: a photograph of two old brown wool mittens caught in a wire fence. They had little Ms stitched on a white band around their middles. Her name was scripted onto the dirt field below them, barely there, looking like slightly darker dirt. And March, the album name, in one of Jackson's fonts, a dark, rusty brown on a patch of grass in the lower right corner. The back had two dandelions over a textured background, one of them a bare stem and one with its cap of seeds still attached. The track list was to the left of them.

She opened the case, taking a second to glance over the cd itself, which only said March again, in white against a dark brown background. She'd seen all of this before, of course, but separately and on her laptop screen. It looked so different all put together like this. She slipped the liner notes out and spread them open.

Her name was everywhere. Every song, performed by, written by: Miley Stewart. It was strange to see her name in glossy print instead of Hannah's, instead of her father's, strange to see Seven Valleys Music instead of Avery's Trace. She ran a finger over the words. Strange, nerve-wracking, but exciting too. This was _her_ album. She laughed when she saw Jerry had given her co-producer credit like he'd threatened.

The phone rang and she started. Diana. Miley hit the accept button.

"I was going to call you back," she said.

"Well?" Diana asked impatiently.

"It looks good," Miley admitted. "I like it."

"Fabulous," Diana said. "I knew you would. Look it over and see if there's anything you want to change, we've still got time."

Miley made a noise in acknowledgement.

"Plenty of time, in fact," Diana continued. "Since I didn't really expect you to have this in on time." Miley shook her head and cast her eyes heavenward, but she couldn't get too upset. She hadn't really expected to get the album in on time herself. "Now let's talk about promotion."

The smell of blueberries wafted in from the kitchen. "Tomorrow, Diana," Miley said. "I'm busy today."

"Doing what?" Diana asked. "The album's done."

"I'm cooking dinner for Lilly," Miley told her.

Diana laughed. "All right, but we do have to talk about this."

"I'll call you first thing in the morning," Miley said. "I promise." She disconnected the call and dropped the phone on the couch, folding up the liner notes and sliding them back into the case. Then she popped out the cd and put it in the stereo. She'd heard all the songs a million times by now, and a few minutes ago she would have said she was sick of all of them, but now it was different. Now she was listening to the finished, mastered album, the same one that would be on sale in a couple months, the first album she was releasing in five years. And it was _hers_, all of it.

The beginning of _Mango Tree_ floated from the speakers as Miley went back into the kitchen, singing along softly as she started in on dinner.

———————————————

Miley might not have called Diana back _first thing_ the next morning, but that didn't mean she wasn't going to do it at all, as she hastened to reassure Diana when _she_ called. Lilly's Psych class had started an hour ago; Miley had walked her to campus and had been parked on the couch since she got back, aimlessly flipping through TV channels and the pages of an old Southern Living Mamaw had mailed her.

"Diana, I was just about to pick up the phone to call you," Miley swore as soon as she dropped the magazine and answered the phone. She put the TV on mute, then turned it off completely when she realized she'd stopped on ESPN.

"And I'm just about to start believing that," Diana answered. "Now let's talk about something else you're just about to do."

The idea of promoting the album, of actually going out and purposefully placing herself back in the spotlight...Miley hadn't been able to sleep last night. "Let's not and say we did."

"Miley, you're going to have to promote this album. I agreed to let you pay for promotion and have _some_ degree of control over it, not to let you bury the damn thing before it's even released."

"Can't we just...put up a website or something?" Miley asked desperately. "MySpace, that's what all the cool bands are doing these days. And, you know, viral marketing is very in right now."

Diana laughed. "What are you, Pacific's marketing department? You don't need to worry about MySpace or any of its clones, that's already being taken care of."

"The_ label _put up a MySpace page about me?" Miley asked. She didn't like the sound of that at all.

"No, Jenny did," Diana said.

"What the hell, Diana, she's _my_ assistant!" Miley yelled. "You have no right to have her running around doing shit for you!"

"Calm down, Miley, it was her idea. I don't think you give that girl enough to do."

In the past few weeks, Jenny had taken care of transferring ownership of the studio and its equipment to D.G., flown to Tennessee to inform four different schools of the funds they were receiving as the initial grants from The Oliver Foundation went into effect, and mediated between Miley and Jackson when their discussion over the art for the album had devolved into a screaming match that may or may not have included the phrase 'I know you are, but what am I?'

"Yeah, I'll have to scrounge up something to keep her busy," Miley muttered. She liked the idea of Jenny and Diana talking behind her back only slightly more than the idea of the label putting up content about her without her knowledge. For that matter, Jenny doing the same thing pissed her off to no end. "I can't believe she would do that without talking to me first."

"Well, nothing's live yet, Miley," Diana said. "Neither of us are that stupid. She merely asked me and Keith if she should start working up some content. Most of it is stuff that will be in the press release, and she was doing that anyway."

Great, Miley thought. So now they were _all_ talking behind her back.

"And, no, this is not some conspiracy on our parts to circumvent you and do whatever we want," Diana continued. "Now can we talk about promotion? I don't have all day to sit around and baby you because you're in the mood to be difficult."

"Screw you," Miley said.

"Fly down here and I'll see what I can do," Diana told her. "Now what kind of campaign do you have in mind?"

"No campaign."

"Miley – "

"_No campaign_, Diana," Miley said. "Look, I'll do promotion, all right? But I am sick of these campaigns that drag on for months and have reviewers writing shit before they've even heard the album. We'll have a launch party, I'll do a couple talk shows, that's it. People can make up their own minds if they like the album or not."

The line was quiet for a few moments while Diana mulled that over. "How many is a couple?" she asked.

"I don't know," Miley said. "Two."

"Eight," Diana countered.

"Four."

"Fine," Diana said. "I'll agree to that if – _if_ you agree that if we decide to do a tour, you'll do local promotion. And not just a few radio interviews here and there, I mean proper promotion, by _my_ definition."

"Fine," Miley said. Agreeing to some nebulous interviews in the far-off future was a small price to pay for escaping more concrete – not to mention national – promotion now.

"Good. Call Keith and see what he can set up in the next week or two. I've got friends at NBC if – "

"Wait, wait, wait," Miley interrupted. "In the next _week_?"

"Yeah," Diana confirmed. "I'm thinking we'll shoot for a release at the end of February."

"Are you kidding me?" Miley asked. "There're usually _months_ between finishing an album and release, and that's less than one – "

"There are usually months because that time is being used to launch the promo campaign," Diana said calmly. "But you aren't interested in that, so we might as well release it now."

"But – " But she wasn't ready for this.

"But nothing," Diana said. "Miley, the faster we get this album out and it starts making money, the better. I went out on a limb with your contract. Frankly, everyone else here thinks the terms I gave you are career suicide, not to mention completely insane. You should have seen the shitfit Legal threw when I told them to draw up the damn thing. I got away with it because of who I am _and_ because I'm putting my ass on the line because I know this is going to pay off, but there's no way I can justify sitting on a finished album for months while absolutely nothing happens! If you want this done without fanfare, it's getting done _now_."

Damn. She hadn't thought about it like that, hadn't thought about what this might be costing Diana. And Diana had done a lot for her. "All right," she said, chastised.

"Good," Diana said, sounding mollified. "So call Keith and I'll let you know when the release date is set so you can sort out the launch party."

"Well," Miley said, trying to look on the bright side. If there was one, which she doubted. "At least planning the launch will give Jenny something to do."

———————————————

Miley hated being in Green Rooms. Years ago it had excited her every time she'd had to wait in one, anticipating the upcoming interview, but now she associated them, like so many other things, with drinking. She'd had this little silver flask, a gift from Traci, maybe, or someone, that had HM engraved on both sides, and she used to sit in Green Rooms and stare blindly at the walls while she downed Armadale from it and waited her turn to go on. She didn't know what had happened to that thing. Probably Lilly threw it out while she was in rehab.

Now being in them made her more nervous, restless and twitchy like someone had put itching powder in her clothes. But this was the last of the national interviews she'd promised Diana: two daytime and two nighttime. She hoped the craploads of local promotion she'd promised to do if she ended up going on tour didn't come back to bite her in the ass, but it was worth it to only have four death-marches to go through now.

And even if that happened, local was better, in her opinion. Local had some variation to it, not much, but they'd talk to you. With you. Not like national, who were so on-message Miley already knew exactly how this interview would go, predictable as a script for _Zombie High_:

CAST

Miley Stewart as Herself  
Interchangeable Talk Show Host as Himself/Herself  
Large group of tourists as The Audience  
A. Bastard as Jackass in the Audience Who Thinks He's Clever

FADE IN:

INT. TALK SHOW STUDIO

INTERCHANGABLE TALK  
SHOW HOST (I.T.S.H.)  
Now it's been a while since we've heard  
anything from our next guest, but she's  
got a new cd coming out in a few days,  
so let's find out what she's been up to,  
huh? Her name is Miley Stewart, but we  
all know her better as HANNAH MONTANA.

THE AUDIENCE responds with enthusiastic clapping/screaming.

JACKASS IN THE AUDIENCE  
WHO THINKS HE'S CLEVER  
(JACKASS)  
BOOOOOOO.

MILEY STEWART (MILEY) enters stage right, smiles, waves, and takes her seat.

MILEY  
Thank you, thank you all! It's  
great to be here, I.T.S.H.

I.T.S.H.  
And it's great to see you again, Hannah.

MILEY  
I, uh, I think ya got the wrong  
script there, I.T.S.H.

I.T.S.H.  
I'm sorry?

MILEY  
I said, it's Miley.

I.T.S.H.  
Oh, right, right, of course. Now before  
we get down to business here, I just  
have to say one thing, and I know  
everyone else here is gonna agree with  
me, you've gotta tell us...what's the  
deal with your hair?

THE AUDIENCE laughs and claps. There are a few whistles.

MILEY  
Well, uh, it's brown, I.T.S.H.

I.T.S.H. and THE AUDIENCE laugh.

MILEY  
No, seriously, this is actually my  
natural hair color, and it's been  
back this way for a while now.

I.T.S.H.  
So does that mean your signature blonde  
locks won't be making a reappearance?

MILEY  
No, it'll be staying like this. _Hannah's_  
hair is retired, just like she is. And let  
me tell you, I'm plenty glad not to have  
to hassle with the roots every month.

I.T.S.H.  
(fake chuckle)  
Sure, sure. Now almost five years ago, you  
were pretty much on top of the world, and  
then you ran into a little trouble...

MILEY  
Yes.

I.T.S.H.  
Which isn't exactly a rarity in the  
entertainment business, I mean, if I  
have to try to come up with jokes about  
one more celebrity who's suffering from  
"exhaustion"...

I.T.S.H. makes exaggerated air quotes. THE AUDIENCE screams and claps. MILEY tries to smile.

I.T.S.H.  
(continuing)  
But the way you handled your problem  
was anything but common: you walked  
away from everything. What was going  
through your mind when you made that  
decision?

MILEY  
Well, as I said at the time, I just  
didn't feel that being Hannah was a  
healthy situation for me. I needed to  
take some time and get my head back  
on straight. It was the right decision for  
me. I went back to school and I think  
I've kind of found myself as an artist,  
and now I'm back.

I.T.S.H.  
Hannah Montana, making a comeback. I  
have to tell you I was surprised when  
I heard the news. Surprised and  
immensely excited, of course. I don't  
mind telling you I was a fan myself.  
And how do you feel about being back?

MILEY  
It's Miley, and I'm thrilled to be back,  
I.T.S.H. And hopefully I'll get another  
chance to connect with some of the  
wonderful people who were my fans  
the first time around.

THE AUDIENCE cheers and claps.

JACKASS  
You suck!

MILEY  
Not that guy, though. I'm  
thinkin' he's a lost cause.

I.T.S.H. and THE AUDIENCE laugh.

I.T.S.H.  
We can't all be Hannah fans, I  
guess. Though you were so popular  
he's probably the only one!

THE AUDIENCE laughs and claps. MILEY gives a pained smile.

I.T.S.H.  
(continuing)  
And now that you're back I bet you're  
better than ever, isn't that right?

MILEY  
Well, I'll leave that up  
to you guys to decide.

MILEY gestures to THE AUDIENCE, who cheers.

I.T.S.H.  
All right, then. The new cd is  
called March. Now your father – that's  
Robby Ray Stewart, we all remember  
Robby Ray, don't we, AUDIENCE?

THE AUDIENCE claps. There are scattered cheers.

I.T.S.H.  
Of course he had his own singing  
career, one he also walked away from,  
though not for the same reasons –

MILEY  
Definitely not. He –

I.T.S.H.  
He used to write music for you, had  
another very successful career as a  
songwriter, but I understand you  
wrote everything on this new album?

MILEY  
That's correct.

I.T.S.H.  
And we can't wait to hear  
what you've come up with.

THE AUDIENCE screams in agreement.

I.T.S.H.  
Again, the cd is March and it  
comes out on the twenty-sixth,  
which is coming up on Tuesday.

I.T.S.H. holds up a copy of the cd.

CLOSE ON THE CD COVER

BACK TO SCENE

I.T.S.H.  
(continuing)  
And tonight you're going to sing...?

MILEY  
I'll be singing _Maybe Tonight_.

I.T.S.H.  
All right, here we go, ladies and  
gentlemen, Hannah Montana herself –

MILEY  
Miley.

I.T.S.H.  
(continuing over her)  
– singing _Maybe Tonight_.

THE AUDIENCE cheers, claps, and screams.

JACKASS  
BOOOOOOOO.

MILEY sighs, gets up, and goes to the stage to perform.

FADE OUT.

It was always the same. Comment on her hair, comment on why she'd left the business and how fantastic it was that she was back, mention her dad, flash the cd, and call her Hannah so many times she almost punched out I.T.S.H. The only upside was that Keith had worked it so that in exchange for talking about Hannah ad nauseam, they wouldn't ask too many questions about her personal life now. She was glad they were living in Seattle, away from the paparazzi. She didn't want people prying into her life, following and dissecting her every move.

At least this was the last interview, for now anyway, and maybe no one would buy the album and she'd never have to do this ever again. She fidgeted on the overstuffed leather couch. She didn't really want the album to tank, but in some ways it would be a relief. It would be out of her hands, then. She could say she'd tried and give up, and start learning how to silence that stubborn, traitorous part of her that wanted this, that missed Hannah.

The door to the green room opened and a stick-skinny PA wearing a headset poked his head in. "Miss Montana? We're ready for you."

Miley sighed, got up, and went to the set to perform.

———————————————

The first indication that night might not go well was the long line outside of Zocalo, where the launch party was being held, a line that snaked down the sidewalk for several blocks, the people looking shiny and plastic in the glow of streetlights and neon. Predictably enough, the sight of it put Miley in a bad mood before they'd even gotten out of the cab. "I said _low-key_," she growled under her breath as Lilly handed their fare to the cabbie and then pushed on Miley's back to force her out of the back seat. "What is so hard to understand about _low-key?_"

"I'm sure it's fine inside," Lilly said soothingly, not holding out much hope that this would improve Miley's mood or that it would turn out to be true.

Miley stalked over to the bouncer, Lilly following so close she almost stepped on Miley's heels, and gave her name in a low voice. Lilly noticed she kept her head tilted forward, using her hair to keep her face blocked from those waiting in line. They were admitted so fast that no one had time to see through the ruse, though Lilly thought she head someone asking, "Was that her?" as they stepped through the door. Multi-colored lights pulsed overhead out of the darkness, and the packed club's extensive stereo system was blasting out _Nothing Left_. "You have got to be fucking kidding me," Miley said.

Lilly reached out and squeezed her hand in sympathy. Miley had wanted a small launch party in Seattle. Diana had said big and L.A. They'd settled on small and L.A., but from the looks of the club Lilly didn't think Diana had sacrificed any of her desired headcount just because she had less space to work with. Already there were so many people inside it had to be a fire code violation, and Miley wasn't even supposed to perform for another hour.

They were early because Miley was worried that Diana had some kind of entrance planned for her and wanted to avoid that, plus they'd come here straight from the airport and both of them had wanted a chance to catch up with their respective parents and siblings before things really got going. Except it seemed like things already were.

"Let's find Jenny so I can yell at her," Miley said in Lilly's ear. Lilly nodded her agreement even though she didn't see how they were going to be able to find anyone in the crowd. Or even walk through it.

Miley dropped Lilly's hand as they started forward and Lilly rubbed it against the smooth material of her pants to rid it of the sudden sting of emptiness. They'd talked about it a lot, and Miley was adamant that they keep their relationship private. "They can have my music," Miley had said. "But this time they don't get me. And they sure as _hell_ don't get you."

Lilly wasn't so sure that would be possible, or make things easier even if it was, but she was willing to do whatever Miley thought she needed. Still, it was going to be hard not to give themselves away in public. It had been a long time since Lilly'd had to think about everyone watching Miley – and by extension, her – all the time, and last time she'd always had one of those itchy, fluorescent wigs to remind her that all eyes were going to be on them.

They dove into the crowd and Lilly immediately discovered another reason to miss keeping hold of Miley's hand: they were separated inside of ten seconds. Lilly kept pushing forward blindly, mostly because she didn't know what else to do and it was easier to go forward than back. At least no one was dancing, just milling around and shouting at each other to be heard over the music. That made it a lot easier to move through the press of bodies without fear of being crushed.

Then an arm reached between two girls with more glitter on their bodies than a hobby supply store carried and yanked Lilly sideways. It turned out to be Jackson, with Sarah and Robby Ray on either side of him.

"Hey," Lilly greeted them breathlessly.

"You guys are here already?" Jackson asked.

"Yeah," Lilly said, leaning closer to them to make sure they heard. "Our flight got in a little early and Miley wanted to skip anything Diana had planned for her entrance."

"I'm thinkin' that was a good call," Robby Ray said, glancing around. "Something tells me this isn't exactly what Miley had in mind."

"Not hardly," Lilly answered. "She's trying to find someone to yell at right now. Have you guys seen my parents?" They might not be here yet, or her dad might have taken one look at the place and turned right around. He was an _accountant_, for god's sake. He'd probably never been in a place like this before in his _life_. Her mom and Ben might have forced him to come in, though.

"I think I saw them come in about ten minutes ago," Sarah said. "I tried to go say hi, but..." She gestured to the mass around them just as someone bumped into Lilly from behind and almost pushed her into Sarah.

"Yeah," Lilly said in understanding. "I'm gonna go look for them. And Miley. I'll tell her you're here if I see her."

"Tell her we said good luck!" Jackson called as Lilly turned and forced her way back through the tightly packed bodies.

"And Lulu's in the back waitin' for her," Robby Ray yelled. Traveling in the air with a guitar was kind of a pain, so Miley's dad had offered to lend her Lulu for the evening so they wouldn't have to worry about bringing Lola down. Lilly waved her hand over her shoulder in acknowledgement but there was no way of knowing if he'd seen.

The air conditioning was on in the club, but it was no match for the number of occupants and Lilly felt a light sheen of sweat break out on her skin as she squeezed through the crowd. Halfway across the room, she finally found her family by dint of running into her father from behind.

"Lilly," he said happily when she'd transformed her accidental run-in into an impromptu hug and he'd turned around to see who was attacking him.

"Hi," Lilly said, moving to hug first Ben and then her mother. "What do you guys think?"

"This is_ awesome!_" Ben said, grinning.

Heather nodded vigorously in agreement. "I can't remember the last time I had this much fun. Your father never takes me out!"

"It's a bit much for me," her dad admitted, smiling in apology.

"For Miley, too," Lilly told him.

"I would have thought this would all be old news to her," her mother said.

"It is," Lilly said. That was the problem. Over the noise of the crowd, she could hear what was unmistakably Miley's angry voice. "Uh, I'll be right back!"

She couldn't see Miley, but she could hear her, and Lilly followed the sound of her voice to find Miley in a heated discussion with Diana. Jenny stood next to Miley looking like she feared her job was in jeopardy, and just as Lilly broke through the crowd Juliana appeared from another direction, smirking when she caught Lilly's eye.

" – you were different, Diana," Miley was saying heatedly. "But, no – "

"You're overreacting, Miley," Diana said.

Sparks snapped in Miley's eyes and Lilly wrapped a loose hand around Miley's arm just above her elbow. "Calm down," she said into Miley's ear. Miley shook her hand off and Lilly immediately put it back, gripping her tighter this time. "You'll regret it if you make a scene." People were starting to look, and the last thing they wanted was bad press, or rumors flying around that Hannah Montana had come back a bitch diva.

Miley took a deep breath, and when she spoke again her tone was much more even. "I told you we could do this in L.A. if it was small and quiet," she started.

Juliana broke in, one hand on her hip. "You thought you'd have something small and quiet at the hottest new club in L.A.?" she asked, an eyebrow arching to emphasize just how unlikely that was.

Lilly's hand clenched down hard, as if by doing so she could contain the explosion she knew had to be building up in Miley, because a similar one was building up in her. Diana had picked the location.

"Well, it's small, isn't it?" Diana said.

"You _manipulated_ me," Miley hissed at her.

"Manipulated is such an ugly word," Diana said. "It was more like I _guided_ you in a certain direction – "

"Juliana," Miley said, deathly calm. "Is there some way you can get me out of my contract?"

Juliana's smile was nothing short of predatory. "You bet your ass there is."

"All right, now you're really overreacting," Diana said quickly. "Why don't we find Keith and go upstairs to the VIP room where we can discuss this rationally?"

"Fuck that," Miley spat. "I'm going on _now_, and once I'm done we're getting the hell out of here." Lilly slid her hand down Miley's arm, fingers mingling and lingering among Miley's, silently asking if she was okay. Miley brushed her thumb along the length of Lilly's index finger, so Lilly knew she was. She wasn't happy, but she wasn't about to go off the deep end, either.

Miley glared at Diana once more before pushing away into the crowd. "Should I be worried about her performing when she's like this?" Diana asked.

Lilly laughed without mirth. "Performing is the best thing she could do right now," she said. "By the time she gets off the stage, she'll probably have forgiven you."

"Good," Diana sighed, looking relieved.

Lilly crossed her arms over her chest and regarded her coolly. "But I won't."

"Lilly," Diana said, raising one hand in a gesture of pleading. "I have to push her. You more than anyone know – "

"_This_ is not the way to push her," Lilly snapped. "This is exactly the kind of place Hannah would have – "

"She's played places like this before," Diana interrupted.

"Not like _this_," Lilly said angrily, glad the noise level in the club would make it impossible to hear her words outside of their little circle. "And this is her album launch. _You_ more than anyone should know she wants to be coming across as _different_ from Hannah – "

"She needs more exposure, Lilly," Diana argued. "She won't do press, what am I supposed to do? This was the perfect opportunity – "

"She trusted you, Diana, and you just went behind her back – "

"All right, look." Diana held up both hands now. "Despite what you seem to think, this wasn't a betrayal. I still don't understand exactly why she's so upset – " Lilly didn't think she could explain it. Sometimes she didn't even understand it herself, this burning drive Miley had to rid herself of every association or tie to her former alter ego. " – but I'm sorry. I'm on her side, you know."

Lilly had been keeping an eye on the stage, so she saw Miley as soon as she came out. No one else came out with her, and Miley didn't introduce herself. She just started playing. "I know," Lilly said, nodding towards the stage. "And so does she. That's why she's up there right now instead of out the door. But if something like this ever happens again – "

"It won't," Diana assured her. "No more surprises like this."

"Good," Lilly said.

It took several minutes for everyone else in the club to realize what was happening; they weren't expecting Miley to show for another forty-five minutes and the sound system was still blasting away, drowning Miley out. Finally, someone figured out what was going on and killed the music, and everyone on the floor broke into a wild wave of applause when they noticed Miley. Miley ignored it, playing straight through, and it quickly petered out into a low buzz of conversation as most people gave their full attention to the performance onstage.

"I see someone I need to speak with," Diana said. She took a step away and then turned back. "Lilly, I really am sorry. I had no idea she'd react like – "

"I know," Lilly said. There wasn't any way Diana _could_ have known, really. "It's all right."

Juliana stepped closer as Diana moved away through the press of people. "And to think I thought I liked her," she said. "You know, I meant it. I really can get Miley out of the contract, if that's what she wants. And since the language is already in the contract, I can probably get ownership of the fucking masters, so Pacific won't have shit."

"No," Lilly told her. "Miley was just mad, she doesn't really want out of the contract. And Diana's been good to us, don't judge her by this." Juliana looked at her skeptically and Lilly realized she still had her arms crossed, and her foot was rapidly tapping up and down to release some of her pent-up anger. "Yeah, okay, maybe I need to take my own advice," she admitted ruefully. "Now go have some fun, there's no reason this night needs to be a total wash."

"Hey, you don't have to fucking tell me twice," Juliana said.

Jenny finally broke her silence once they were alone. "It's my fault," she said, voice heavy with regret.

"It's not your fault," Lilly said.

"Yes, it is," Jenny argued. "I should have checked out this place more, but Miley said to work with Diana, and Diana said – "

"It's no one's fault," Lilly said. "It's just a situation we have to deal with." Like just about everything else in their lives.

"Um, Lilly?" Jenny asked.

"What?"

"I'm not sure what Diana said was entirely true," Jenny said. "You know, about Miley needing more exposure. Because I've been monitoring stuff online, and..."

"And?" Lilly asked, not liking where this was going.

"And there's kind of a buzz," Jenny said. "Um, kind of a big one."

Great. Miley wouldn't be happy about that. At all. Lilly wondered if Diana had anything to do with it. "Have you told Miley about this?"

"No."

"Don't." And she wouldn't either, Lilly decided. There wasn't anything they could do about this, and Miley didn't need another thing to upset her. They'd just have to deal with whatever happened when the album came out. "Come on," Lilly sighed. "You wanna meet my family?"

Thankfully, they were right where Lilly had left them, because otherwise she doubted that she would have been able to find them again. There was a round of introductions that ended just as Robby Ray, Jackson, and Sarah joined their little group. "What happened with that, Lilly?" Robby Ray asked, shooting a worried look towards the stage.

"Is something wrong?" Lilly's mother asked.

"No, nothing wrong," Lilly said. "Miley was just...a little upset. She's fine now." Looking at her up onstage, Lilly could see that was true, could see it in the loose, relaxed set of her shoulders, the way happiness rolled through her voice as she sang. The way she caught Lilly's eye and winked.

"Good," Heather said. "Now who wants to dance with me?" The people around them had started to dance slowly along with _Hope For The Hopeless_. Heather fussed with the collar of Alan's shirt.

"Oh, no," Alan said. "You know I don't dance."

"Well, I'd be happy to dance with such a lovely lady," Robby Ray drawled. "If that's all right with you, sir?"

"By all means," her dad said, and minute later Robby Ray and Heather were lost in the crowd.

Sarah grabbed Jackson's hand. "You're not going to let your dad beat you, are you?" she asked him, proceeding to drag him off to dance.

That left four of them. "It's been so long since I've gotten to go out," Jenny said wistfully. "It would be nice to dance."

Lilly and Ben had a brief, silent sibling-conversation. Lilly glared at Ben, which meant: _ask her to dance, buttface_. Ben glared back, which meant: _hell no, you ask her to dance, dorkhead_. Lilly narrowed her eyes: _do it now, or I will make your life miserable the way only a little sister can_. Ben frowned: _fine, but you owe me_. Lilly nodded, sealing the bargain.

"Jenny, do you want to – " Ben didn't even get to finish before Jenny was pulling him away.

Alan chuckled. "I guess it's just the two of us. You want to get out of the middle of this?"

They managed to find a spot near that wall that gave them a little more breathing room. Miley was just starting _March_, the fourth and last song of the short set she was signing tonight. Alan draped an arm over her shoulders and Lilly leaned against him. "Would you like to dance?" he asked.

"I thought you didn't dance," Lilly said, laughing a little.

"I think I can make an exception for my little girl," he said. "But I'm not making any promises about how good I'll be."

Lilly turned and hugged him, burying her face against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her, hugging back. Her dad smelled like his Gessato shaving cream and starch he insisted on spraying on his shirts before he ironed them, even though they were wrinkle-free and didn't even really need to be ironed. "You smell the same," she mumbled into his shirt.

"What?" he said.

Lilly lifted her head. "I said, you always smell the same."

He smiled at her and they swayed in place, not really dancing. "Is everything okay, Lillygoat?" he asked after a moment.

She laid her head down on his shoulder. "No," she said. "But it will be." She had to believe that.

———————————————

It was late by the time they left the party, much later than they'd intended. "How did it get to be two a.m.?" Miley asked as they poured themselves into the back of the limo Jenny had arranged. Both of their families had left over an hour ago.

"I don't know," Lilly said, settling herself in the seat as the limo started to move. She put her head down on Miley's shoulder and Miley rested her head on top of Lilly's. "It was fun, though, once you got offstage." Singing put Miley in almost as good a mood as sex, and after her set she'd spent hours talking with some of the fans and working the room, even waving away Diana's attempts to apologize.

"Yeah," Miley yawned.

"Are you still angry with Diana?" Lilly asked.

"I'm too tired to be angry right now," Miley said, then sighed. "No, I guess not. She was only doing what she thought was best, and she was probably right. I just..."

"Yeah," Lilly said. She sat up and regarded Miley soberly. "Making the album was only the beginning, you know. This is going to be hard."

"On both of us," Miley said, locking eyes with her. "Do you want me to quit?"

"No," Lilly said. "Do you?"

"Yes," Miley said. "But...not more than I want to keep going."

Lilly nodded and faced forward. The neon lights of a thousand signs flashed through the tinted windows as they headed for Malibu. She laced her fingers with Miley's, held on tight. "Then let's go."

———————————————

**So...we've gone over how I'm a giant geek, right? Good, good. Because cover art and lyrics for the album are up over at my website. Yeah, I know. Geek! Sadly, my geekiness does not include having any graphic arts ability at all, so they suck. (The covers, not the lyrics, which I stole from other people because I am cool like that.) But if you have any interest in knowing exactly what's on the album, um, yeah. It's there.**


	13. The Crowd Is Calling

**A very long string of thank yous to everyone for reviewing.**

**TutorGurlTigger: Nope, not Lilly's dad, although you would think so with the amount of love I have for the man. Thanks for all of your comments and enjoy the update!**

**coffeeandcommunity: Yeah, I don't think Lilly is too excited about hiding their relationship either. Also, I would die if I had to get up at 4-4:30 a.m. That is when I go to sleep. Regarding the Mikayla question, as far as I know, she has never officially been given a last name or a different name. I reviewed her episodes and no one ever calls her anything else; she is also credited only as Mikayla. I looked around online as well but couldn't find a last name attached to her. (But I did find out more information about the movie that makes me want to see it even less. I am **_**dreading**_** that thing. Because I'm weird.) And, yay, you're writing fic! I can't wait until I have time to read fic again. I decided that Christmas break all I'm doing is reading fic and queer YA lit. Possibly also **_**Twilight**_**, because I feel obligated.**

**Stupid-Lollies: Want to know how I get my writing done? I will tell you. It's simple, but I do not recommend it. Two words: Chronic. Insomnia. Avoid it if at all possible!**

**Wannabe: Um. Wow. Just...yeah. Wow. I started out writing an extremely long response to your comment, but then I realized that you are probably a normal person and therefore do not actually care about my long, involved theories about HM characterization on the show and in fic, so I have shortened it. You're welcome! First, a big **_**yes**_** to everything you said about Lilly. Her characterization is something I struggle with, because she is a very difficult character to transition from a children's media framework into a teen/adult one. (Miley I feel is easier because she has a lot of traits that do translate well into an adult framework, plus her characterization is by far the most nuanced, consistent, and true to life. Please note I do not mean "similar to Miley Cyrus" by that. Because **_**no**_**.) I think part of the OOCness is due to this, especially when it comes to the loss of Lilly's childishness and immaturity that you mentioned, and part of it is due to Lilly having to deal with the situation she found herself in, which really did not allow for those things. I am purposefully not writing either of them exactly like they are in canon, because you don't go through what they went through and come out the same on the other side. And...this was supposed to be the short version. Right. Sorry. I can't help it, I think about these things! A lot. Anyway, I will wrap this up and just say thank you for the kickass review, and I hope the rest of the story does not disappoint. (Also, yes, Amiss was the set-up. I really only wrote it so I could write this story.)**

**Kurrent: Yes, exactly what you said about wanting to perform but not wanting what comes with it. Plus she is pissed at herself for wanting it at all. I am too tired to figure out how to explain it better, but yes. What you said.**

———————————————

**Chapter Thirteen: The Crowd Is Calling**

———————————————

_I would like to give you the silver  
branch, the small white flower, the one  
word that will protect you  
from the grief at the center  
of your dream_

- Margaret Atwood, "Variations on the Word 'Sleep'"

———————————————

**March – May 2013**

First-week sales for the album and the new Billboard charts were released today. An already-dressed Lilly shook Miley awake far too early. "I'm sick," Miley told her, and pulled the covers up over her head. Diana had called last week to give her the rough first-day numbers – forty thousand – and then again to give her third-day – seventy-five thousand – and after that Miley had told her not to call back until the official numbers were released. Diana's data had sent her hopes for a nice, quiet release in the bottom half of the top 100 up in smoke, but a bunch of other big-name albums had dropped the same week as hers, and more the week before, and Miley was hanging onto the possibility that they might push her down the charts.

"You're not sick, Miley," Lilly said. She tried to tug the blankets off and Miley clenched them in her fists so she couldn't. "You just want an excuse not to talk to Diana when she calls."

"I'm _sick_," Miley insisted. She coughed theatrically to prove it. Her breath made the sheet hot and damp against the lower half of her face and she turned her head to the side.

"Fine," Lilly said. "I'm going to check the charts in the study, then."

As soon as her footsteps receded down the hall, Miley threw the blankets off and lay spread-eagle on the bed. Her laptop was under the bed, but she didn't care how the album was doing. She didn't.

Her resolve lasted all of ten seconds before she abruptly leaned over the edge of the bed and snatched up the laptop. She didn't even have to click to the second page; the album was in the top ten, debuting at number four. Dammit, Miley thought. Two clicks later she had the article with sales data for the top ten albums. A hundred and ten thousand sold in the first week. God-fucking-_damn_ it.

It wasn't anywhere close to what the Hannah albums had done, of course, but still. Top five. She slammed the laptop shut, throwing it on the bed next to her and pulling the covers back over her. Staying in bed all day was starting to look like a really good idea.

Her cell phone started to ring. Miley ignored it. That would be Diana, and she didn't want to talk to Diana. She didn't want to talk to anyone, or get out of bed, ever again. The phone kept ringing and a few moments later Lilly stomped back into the room and picked it up.

"Hi, Diana," she said, and then, "Yeah, she's right here."

No, I'm not, Miley thought. I'm gone. I've disappeared.

"Miley, it's Diana," Lilly said. Miley turned over on her side to face the wall. She missed the days when hiding under the covers meant certain protection from every kind of monster. "You're going to have to talk to her sometime."

Accepting the inevitable, Miley stuck a hand out from the blankets, curling her fingers around the phone when Lilly put it in her palm. She pulled her arm back and brought the phone to her ear. "Go away, Diana."

"Miley, darling," Diana trilled. "I am _ecstatic!_"

"Is the label happy?" They wouldn't be, not if they'd been expecting her to perform at Hannah's level.

"Screw the label," Diana said airily.

"Well, with an attitude like that I can see how you made it to your current position," Miley sniped.

Diana sighed. "You need to get over this, Miley."

"Screw you," Miley said. "I told you I wanted to do this _slow_."

"You're not going to go out and get drunk, are you?" Diana asked bluntly.

"No!" Miley snapped. "Jesus, Diana. But I might stay in bed all day."

"That's healthy."

"There's something I want to say to you, Diana, but I can't remember the words. I think the first one starts with F – "

"I was being serious, darling," Diana said. "Given the alternatives, I don't care if you stay in bed all _week_. Look, I don't know what you were expecting, Miley, but you were Hannah fucking Montana, even if this album was crap there'd be people buying it just for the novelty. And it's far from crap. In fact, I expect it to go up on the charts in the next week or so since nothing new is dropping, and it's already doing well in downloads – "

"I don't want to know," Miley cut her off.

"Fine, I'll spare you the details. I was only calling to congratulate you, but since you're bound and determined not to let that happen, why don't you let me talk to Lilly?"

Miley flopped over on her back without answering and thrust her hand out to the side of the bed. "She wants to talk to you," Miley said. Lilly was still in the room; Miley could feel her. She was probably standing there with her arms crossed over her chest, glaring at the lump Miley made under the blankets.

The phone left her hand. "Yeah?" she heard Lilly say. "Thanks, Diana...Yeah...I know, me too."

"I'm glad you guys are having fun talking about me behind my back," Miley snitted.

"It's not behind your back if I'm doing it right in front of you, Miley," Lilly said to her, exasperated. And Miley couldn't blame her for being annoyed; she knew she was acting like a pissy little brat. But she couldn't seem to help it. "I will," Lilly said, talking to Diana again. "Okay, thanks. Bye."

Miley heard her set the phone down on the dresser. She stared at the sheet where it was tented up over her nose. Her eyes crossed.

"Miley, get up." Miley stayed still, not saying anything. She knew it was stupid and childish, but she wasn't getting out of bed. "_Miley_."

Miley kept quiet. Lilly blew out an irritated breath, then took a few steps. She was probably giving up and leaving Miley to wallow in her admittedly ridiculous and unwarranted self-pity. Then Miley felt a draft of cold air and turned her face to see Lilly poking her head up under the covers at the side of the bed.

"Hey," Lilly said softly. Miley just looked at her. Lilly pulled the laptop out and put it on the floor, then slithered the rest of the way into the bed. "I turned the phone off. You can call everyone back tomorrow." She wriggled up against Miley's side. "It's kinda nice under here."

Miley turned her head back and went cross-eyed again looking at the tip of her nose. It _was_ nice. It was like a tiny little world, warm and dimly lit, and, sure, maybe a little suffocating breathing the same air over and over again, but she could deal with that. Better than the alternative, better than facing everything this success was going to bring, better than giving in to that part of her that desperately wanted this, that even now was thrilling over being on top of the charts again.

"You can do this," Lilly whispered. The worst part was, Miley believed her.

———————————————

The album did go up, which Miley blamed on Diana for predicting it. It crept up a spot the next week, peaking at number three before it dropping to eight and then out of the top ten. By the time it had been out a month, 320,000 copies had been sold. Except for the first, all of Hannah's albums had sold more than that in their first week. Miley expected the label to be angry, but it turned out they weren't.

"I told you not to worry about them," Diana said when Miley called to fish for their reaction to the news that the album had fallen to number fourteen. "You don't get to be in charge of a major record company by being a moron. It's not as if they're expecting you to pick up where you left off, and we're not dropping your contract just because the album hasn't gone gold yet."

"Are you sure?" Miley asked, not really knowing which way she wanted Diana to answer.

"Do I need to send over paperwork for the option to your next album?" Diana said.

"No, no," Miley said hastily. _That_ certainly wasn't the answer she wanted. This album being released was daunting enough as it was, she couldn't even start to think about being required to record another one. "I believe you. But what about the press?"

There'd been a spate of Hannah-Making-A-Comeback articles, mostly neutral, and reviews, mostly positive, when the album was first released, but Miley was talking about the recent tabloid story alleging that she was gay. It quoted some of her lyrics and had several dark and occasionally blurry photos that had been taken at the launch party. They were of Miley huddled next to another woman, their heads bent close together. It wasn't even Lilly in the pictures with Miley, though, it was Juliana, who had been making sure Miley didn't want out of her contract.

"It's a tabloid story, no one thinks it's credible," Diana told her. Keith had said the same thing. He wasn't even planning to release a statement unless some of the mainstream media picked up the story, which so far hadn't happened. "The label's not worried." Despite her question, Miley didn't really care about that, or what it would do to her sales if people found out. She just didn't want a return to every aspect of her private life being public knowledge, to every move she made being plastered across magazine covers and gossip sites. And she really didn't want Lilly to have to go through any of that. "Now stop calling me. Unless it's to say you've changed your mind about doing a video."

"Don't hold your breath," Miley said.

"Don't worry, I've got better things to do with my time," Diana said. "I'm working on something and I'll give you a call next week so we can discuss it, but I don't want to hear from you before then, no matter what the album does."

"Working on what?" Miley asked, trepidation creeping up her spine.

"You'll see," Diana said breezily, which didn't make Miley feel any better. "Tell Lilly I said hello, and she's a saint for putting up with you."

The line went dead and Miley put down her phone and wandered through the house until she found Lilly in the kitchen, digging through the fridge for a snack. "Diana's planning something," Miley said petulantly. "I don't like it."

Lilly gave her an indulgent look but failed to sympathize. "Nothing she's done so far has been bad," she pointed out, far too reasonably for Miley's tastes at the moment. "Except for the launch party, and even then she meant well. I think you should give her the benefit of the doubt."

And Miley knew she was right, but that didn't stop her stomach from twisting itself into knots for the next few days.

Then, just when she'd started to relax, Diana called back.

———————————————

The study was the least-used room in their house. Lilly always had good intentions for sitting down at the desk and powering through her homework, but somehow she always ended up on the couch instead, where she could hear Miley messing around on the guitar or keyboard in the music room, or at the kitchen table while Miley made dinner, or even in bed while Miley tried to distract her with other, more pleasurable activities. The exception was when she had a paper due in less than twenty-four hours. That called for discipline. That called for the study.

Miley knew not to disturb her during those times, so the tiny bit of Lilly's brain that wasn't taken up formulating opposing arguments for how Napoleon was the savior of or traitor to the French Revolution was surprised when the door to the study opened and Miley came in. It was even more surprised when Miley grabbed her chair and rolled it back a few inches, not enough to pull Lilly away from the keyboard, but enough that Miley could kneel on the floor next to the chair and lay her head on Lilly's thigh.

Lilly finished typing out the next few sentences she had in mind, wrapping up a point, then blinked and re-focused her attention on Miley. "What's up, toad?" She dropped a hand down to stroke the top of Miley's head.

"Diana called," Miley said.

"And?" Lilly asked. Miley turned her face into Lilly's leg and mumbled something Lilly couldn't make out. She tugged gently on Miley's hair until Miley raised her head and set her chin on Lilly's thigh, rolling her eyes up to look at her. "What did Diana say?"

"She said the label wants me to do a tour."

Lilly drew in a breath, held it. Miley didn't say anything else. "What did you say?" Lilly finally asked.

"I said I'd think about it," Miley said.

"How long?" Lilly asked.

"June to April."

Lilly was glad she was sitting down. "_Ten months?_ Isn't that kind of long?"

"Yeah," Miley said. "Diana...Diana thinks it'll help establish me as separate from Hannah. You know, get out there, let as many people as possible see how different I am now. And the label thinks it'll make the album keep selling – which they're really gung-ho about – and that it'll help increase the market for my next album."

Lilly nodded. "All good points. What do you think?"

"_Ten months_, Lilly. We'd hardly get to see each other."

"Do you want to do it?" Lilly asked.

"No," Miley said. "Yes. No." She was quiet a minute. "I don't know. Do you think we can?"

"We _can_..." Lilly said. It would be hell on them both, but they could do it.

"Diana said the label really wants this."

"Do we care what the label wants?"

"It's in the contract," Miley said. "So we probably should."

"Maybe we could work out a schedule," Lilly said. "So it wouldn't be too long between times we get to see each other. I mean, I've got breaks, I could tour with you then, and you could take time off for the holidays."

"Yeah," Miley said. They didn't talk for a long time. Miley laid her cheek back on Lilly's thigh and Lilly ran the palm of her hand from the crown of Miley's head down to her ear, over and over, petting her mindlessly. She didn't look at Miley, turning blind eyes on the wall in front of her instead.

"Lilly?" Miley said finally. "I'm going to do it, aren't I?"

Lilly traced fingers over the curve of Miley's cheek. "Yeah," she said. "I think you are."

———————————————

Miley and Jenny flew down to meet with Keith and Diana in Diana's office. Diana sat behind her desk with Miley, Keith, and Jenny arranged in a row on the other side, Jenny in an extra chair she dragged in from the little waiting area outside the office. They started by reviewing the tour provisions in Miley's contract.

"How the hell did I ever let you talk me into these terms?" Diana asked, referring to the fact that the label was footing the bill for most of the tour expenses.

"I think it was that gun I held to your head," Miley told her.

"That must have been it," Diana said. "Because according to this, we're paying for buses, equipment, lodging...can we discuss merchandising again for a minute? I'd like to bring in someone to – "

"You already know we're retaining all rights to Miley's name and image," Keith said. She hadn't bought back Hannah's two years ago just to turn around and sell hers now.

"This would be so much easier for me if you weren't all once-bitten-twice-shy," Diana said to Miley.

"Suck it," Miley said. "We'll do t-shirts. That's it. And they aren't going to have my picture on them." There was enough crap floating around already with her face on it.

"You're not doing yourself any favors," Diana said. "None of the merchandisers are going to want that deal, and we need someone to keep the bootleggers from coming in."

Miley crossed her arms over her chest and looked out the window. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't even want to be here. Lilly'd had to force her out the door and into the car this morning.

"Fine," Diana continued. "Then let me cheer myself up by reminding you that you've already agreed to do extensive regional promotion. Don't think I won't be holding you to that."

Was Diana trying to piss her off? This whole thing was a bad idea. She never should have agreed to the tour. She never should have signed the contract in the first place. "Look," she started angrily.

"All right, knock it off, you two, we aren't going to get anything done like this," Keith interrupted.

"I've already started making up a list of equipment," Jenny offered. "We could go over that."

Miley grunted. She couldn't handle thinking about the specifics, it made everything too real. All she wanted was to go home and spend every second of the next two months with Lilly.

Diana sighed, tapping her pen against the copy of Miley's contract she had on her desk. "What you need to do is figure out who's going to manage this tour. They can work with Live Nation on the details and I can get you out of my office."

"Keith?" Miley asked.

"Hell no," Keith said. "Ten months on the road? My kids would kill me if my wife didn't get to me first."

"Got anyone else in mind?" Diana asked.

Miley put her elbow on the arm of her chair, lazily propped her head in her hand, and looked at Jenny. "How'd you like a promotion?" she asked. She'd feel a lot better about the tour if someone she trusted was in charge of putting it together.

The Jenny Miley remembered showing up at the recording studio six months ago would have gulped, paled, and immediately started protesting that she wasn't qualified for the job. Now she just grinned. "What the hell," she said. "I've been getting a little bored lately."

———————————————

The tour schedule, Lilly thought, was completely crazy. It had Miley winding all over the country and even up into Canada once. It had also been slightly extended because Jenny had worked with Live Nation to tweak it to fit better with Lilly's schedule. She was coming along for the beginning: the first show in Tacoma, then Portland and down to L.A. She and Miley were flying between those places; Miley wouldn't roll out with the tour buses until after L.A. when Lilly flew back to Seattle to start her summer classes. There were only two buses, a fact that had put Miley in a good mood for almost a week. For a tour this big, Hannah had usually taken fifteen.

Lilly was rejoining the tour for a few weeks during her break between summer and fall classes, leaving it again right before they hit Memphis, which was a shame since they'd be in Nashville next, but the two of them had decided to spend Christmas at Mamaw's since Robby Ray, Jackson, and Sarah were all flying out there, so at least Lilly would get to see the farm and meet Mamaw then.

Well. Mamaw would get to meet Lilly, anyway.

Lilly would be on the tour right before that, too, for almost a week, and then again for her spring break in March. She'd still be in class when the tour ended in April but she was flying down to L.A. for the last show anyway.

Miley spent the month and a half Jenny spent putting the tour together by not talking about it or acknowledging its existence in any way. Lilly let her because she didn't want to talk about it either. It seemed too huge a thing to fit into words. Lilly had Miley quiz her for her finals instead, and they flew to Malibu for Jackson's graduation and again for Ben's, and worked out other ways to use their lips and teeth and tongues to communicate what they were feeling, storing up the taste and feel of each other against their impending separation.

So after weeks of carefully avoiding even the thought of the tour, Lilly was almost surprised to find herself in Miley's dressing room at the Dome in Tacoma, twenty minutes away from the start of the first show.

Miley had told Lilly several times that she didn't think the album would sell well enough to justify an arena tour. Technically, it hadn't. Technically, this wasn't an arena tour, but Diana had wanted a couple arena shows in the bigger cities. Lilly knew Miley wasn't happy about it. At all. Hannah had played a _lot_ of arenas.

Even back in the dressing room, Lilly could hear the clamor of the crowd. She hadn't been in one place with this many people in five years. She'd never understood how Miley could do this. If thirteen thousand people had been screaming her name, Lilly would've been running in the opposite direction.

"You know, we can still cancel this thing," Lilly said.

"Cancel the tour?" Miley asked, not moving from where she was fully stretched out on the couch with her eyes closed. "It's almost sold out."

"I know," Lilly said. She was a little worried. Usually before she performed Miley was full of nervous energy and couldn't hold still for even a second. Tonight she had been lying motionless on the couch since her hair and makeup got done. "People have cancelled tours at the last minute before."

"You're not helping," Miley said.

Lilly sighed and straightened away from the vanity she was leaning against. "Sorry," she said, and went to sit on the couch, perching on the half-a-cushion's worth of space next to Miley's waist. "What _can_ I do to help?"

"Just be quiet." Miley reached out without looking and found Lilly's hand, flattening it on her stomach and stacking both her hands over it. Lilly laid her other hand on top.

Someone knocked on the door. "And make whoever that is go away," Miley added.

There was a small committee on the other side of the door. Robby Ray, Keith, Jenny, and D.G. all beamed at Lilly. She stepped out but left the door open a crack. "She really doesn't want to see anyone right now," Lilly told them.

"But," Jenny said. "I'm supposed to – "

"No," Lilly said, casting a glance back at Miley. She hadn't moved. "But thanks for coming back."

"Come on, I've got seats," Keith said. "This'll probably be the only concert you get to watch from the front." He took Jenny's elbow and started to guide her away.

"Tell her I said she's gonna be marvelous," D.G. said, following after them.

Lilly looked at Miley again. She knew Miley must have heard that, but she gave no indication of it. Robby Ray peeked into the room over Lilly's shoulder. "How is she?" he asked, keeping his voice low enough that Miley wouldn't hear.

Lilly answered the same way. "Really nervous," she said. "I don't think she wants to go on."

"Lemme go get something, I'll be right back," he said, and went off in the opposite direction from the others.

Lilly shut the door and resumed her place on the couch. "They just wanted to tell you good luck," she said. Miley made a noise but otherwise didn't respond. "Your dad's coming back, he wants to see you."

"I'll see him after," Miley said.

"Just for a minute," Lilly said. Miley didn't answer. "Miley." Nothing. "Miley, open your eyes and look at me." After a second, she did. Blue eyes locked on blue. "Just for a minute."

Another knock sounded at the door. "Come in," Lilly called.

Robby Ray ducked through the door with Lola in his hands. "Hey, bud," he said. "Thought you might could use a hand warmin' up."

Lilly tugged at Miley's wrists until she sat up. "Sure, Daddy," Miley said.

Lilly watched while Robby Ray took a seat next to Miley and they softly sang together, a song Lilly had never heard before, something about Tennessee. It was repetitive, and easy enough to pick up the pattern of the words, and it was times like this when Lilly would have liked to at least be able to sing well enough to join in without hurting the ears of everyone present.

By the end of the song, Miley was looking a bit more relaxed, and she even smiled a little when her dad slung and arm around her shoulders and hugged her, then handed her the guitar. "You're gonna have a great show, Miley," he said.

"Thanks, Daddy."

He hugged her again and nodded to Lilly and left just as the stage manager came to say they needed Miley.

"Lilly," Miley said. "I – "

"You'll be all right," Lilly said. Miley just needed to get up on the stage. After that, it would be easy.

"I know," Miley said. "But I – "

"You'll be fine," Lilly said. "You'll be great. I love you."

Miley nodded. "Okay."

And she hadn't given Lilly a single reason not to trust her in the past five years, not one. But Lilly still waited for her to go onstage before she went to the bathroom.

———————————————

The next few weeks blurred by, a familiar roller coaster of concert highs and the lulls between them, and trying not to think about what would happen when June came. But it did, and it seemed like no time at all before Lilly said goodbye to her parents and let Miley drive her to the airport.

The place was packed. It took twenty minutes for them to make it into the short-term parking lot and find a space, and another ten to get inside and fight their way through the throngs of people to the check-in line. The crowds were making Miley twitchy for some reason, so Lilly sent her to find somewhere out of the way for them to sit while she got her boarding pass and checked her suitcase. She felt like she'd just been here; they'd only flown into L.A. a week and a half ago.

It had been good to be back in Malibu, to surf and see her parents, but bad at the same time: there were a couple paparazzi and autograph seekers mixed in with the fans after concerts, and when Robby Ray had taken everyone out to dinner after the first L.A. concert they'd been followed by a few of both. Not anywhere near the number that used to flock around Hannah, but Miley had still spent the next three days refusing to leave the house.

There were a lot of advantages to flying first class, and one of them was a separate check-in line, so fifteen minutes later she called Miley and followed her directions to a sparsely populated bank of chairs at the end of the terminal. Her flight didn't leave for another two hours, so they had a little while before Lilly had to go through security. They didn't talk, though, just sat holding hands and watching people pass by. The next two months apart weighed them down and stilled their tongues, even though there was a lot Lilly wanted to say.

"Well, well, Miss Hannah Montana. Fancy meeting you here." The clipped voice came from right in front of them and sounded extremely pleased with itself. They both looked up, taking in a man of medium build and height, with dark brown hair and eyes, sloppily dressed in frayed jeans and a plaid green and dark red button-up shirt. A black messenger bag was slung over one shoulder on top of an unfastened black leather jacket. He looked perfectly normal. Except for the fact that he was carrying three bright red electric guitars.

"Dave," Miley said coldly, dropping Lilly's hand. "How the fuck did you find me?" The guitars meant this guy had to be an autograph seeker, and Lilly didn't recognize him from the past few weeks, which meant Miley must know him from the Hannah days. No wonder she wasn't happy.

Dave smiled winningly and shrugged. "How the fuck did I ever find you?" he asked, seemingly not the least bit put off by Miley's rudeness. "Just a few minutes of your time and I'll be on my way."

Miley's eyes flicked over him. "Two guitars," she said. "Ten pictures. And you don't tip off anyone else I'm here."

Dave laughed. "All three guitars," he countered. "Fifty pictures, and I give you ten minutes before I start making phone calls."

"The guitars and twenty pictures."

"Forty."

"Twenty, and you know damn well you're only getting that because I'm stuck here," Miley snapped. "Now sit down before you attract any more attention."

He laughed again and took the seat next to Miley, swinging one of the guitars into her lap. He pulled a black Sharpie out of his bag and uncapped it, handing it to Miley. She seemed a little more at ease now that she and Dave had struck a bargain, but Lilly felt herself starting to tense up. If Dave called other people like him, or paparazzi, or even if the people here just realized who Miley was, they could get mobbed.

It was weird, but the idea hadn't even occurred to her, even though she'd just spent weeks going to Miley's practically sold-out shows. But that was at concerts, and she expected people to descend on Miley for autographs afterwards, or even come up and gush at her on the sidewalk or hound her in restaurants in the middle of L.A.

This was different. This was just them, away from all the places Lilly associated with fame. This was supposed to be their time, the last few moments they had together before they had to spend two months apart, and Lilly was uneasy at the idea that they could be thrust into one of those people storms here in the airport.

It must have been like that for Miley all the time back when she was Hannah here. Lilly was glad there wasn't really anyone sitting near them; the nearest person was an old lady sitting five seats down, and she already looked more interested than Lilly liked. People streaming past them on their way out of the airport glanced in their direction every so often and Lilly willed them to look away, keep moving. Nothing to see here, she thought at them.

Usually Lilly didn't mind the mobs, because Miley's fans were wonderful, but what if Dave did call more people like him? How many autographs would Miley be forced to sign? What about the paparazzi? Would they come? Miley had been pretty successful so far at making herself mostly uninteresting to them but who knew when that would change? It would if they found out about Lilly, that was for sure.

It wasn't that Lilly was unfamiliar with the demands fame made; she'd dealt with taking a backseat to them often enough as Lola. But it hadn't been like this with the Hannah Lilly had experienced, had never been so constant and encompassing. Miley had always been able to peel off her disguise and fade away into anonymity when things got to be too much. Until right now, Lilly had never really realized how much less enjoyable fame was when you couldn't turn it off.

Miley had finished signing the guitars and traded in her Sharpie for a blue overhead marker to use on the photos while Dave inspected the guitars. "Don't you want to sign them as Hannah?" he said.

"Don't you want to go to hell?" Miley answered. She tore through the pictures, signing them and flipping them over into Dave's lap almost faster than Lilly could follow.

"Can you make that last one to Jessica?" Dave asked as she got to the end of the stack.

"_You_ want a personalized picture?" Miley asked in disbelief.

"It's for my girlfriend for her birthday," Dave explained. "She's a big fan."

"Sure," Miley snorted. "'Dear Jessica, your boyfriend is a jackass. Happy Birthday. XOXO, Miley.'" She scrawled something on the photo as she spoke and handed it to Dave before Lilly could see what she'd really written. Miley went to recap the pen, but she dropped the cap and it rolled past Lilly's feet. "Lilly, can you grab that?" Miley asked.

Snatching it up, Lilly was startled to see Dave staring at her as she straightened and handed the cap back to Miley. "So what are you doing here anyway?" he asked Miley. "You aren't leaving town, so you must be here to see her off. Was that tabloid story true? Is this the girlfriend? What was your name? Lilly? Do you wanna sign one of these?" He proffered one of the guitars and Lilly gaped at him. Was he serious? Lola had never been asked to sign anything. "I know some people who would pay double if it had your name on it, too." There was no way he could be serious. Was there?

"Back off, Dave," Miley warned. "She's not my girlfriend. And she's not signing anything." Lilly clamped down on the pang of pain that shot through her when Miley denied their relationship. She understood Miley's reasons for not wanting people to know. She even agreed with them, kind of. But that didn't mean it didn't hurt to have to hide what they were to each other.

"Why don't you let her decide?" asked Dave.

"Why don't you get the hell out of here, or I'm never signing anything for you again," Miley snapped, really angry now.

Dave threw his hands up. "All right, I had to try. No need to get ugly." Miley was about to say something else but Lilly put a hand on her arm to stop her. The last thing they needed was a screaming match in the middle of the airport. Dave carefully put the photos back in his bag and gathered up the guitars. "Have a nice flight," he called over his shoulder.

"You'd better not call anyone," Miley yelled after him. Every single head in their vicinity turned to stare at them and Lilly winced. Not noticing, Miley slumped back in her seat, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Are you okay?" Lilly asked after waiting a minute to let everyone else lose interest. "That was...disturbing." And it was. She felt like she was finally starting to fully understand why Miley had been so hesitant to put herself back in the spotlight, and it wasn't just fear of failure or worry that the pressure would drive her to drink again. It was the spotlight itself: Miley had known exactly what being famous all the time would entail, exactly how unrelenting it would be, exactly the toll it would take on her, on them. Lilly felt a little sick remembering how hard she'd pushed Miley to perform again.

"I can't believe he tried to pull that with you," Miley said, still fuming.

"It was fine," Lilly soothed.

"No, it wasn't," Miley insisted. "Lilly, if anything like that ever happens again, promise me, _don't sign anything_. Promise me, okay? Don't even let them know it's an option."

"Is it really that big a deal? I mean, he didn't even really know who I was."

"Yes, it's a big deal. He didn't know, but he guessed, and if you sign something that's like confirmation, which the tabloids would love. It would get out in a heartbeat. And once people like Dave start, they're not going to stop, and there are hundreds of them. Dave is one of the _nice_ ones, okay? I'm not going to have you stalked by those vultures." Miley was getting visibly upset again and Lilly knocked her foot against Miley's.

"Okay, all right, I promise I'm not signing anything. Just calm down," she said.

"Sorry." Miley slumped down in the chair again. "It's just being back in L.A., and the tour, and you leaving. Everything has been so crazy, and I was hoping we wouldn't have to deal with anything like this today, and I just...sorry."

"It's okay, it wasn't your fault," Lilly said. "And I'm sorry, too. I – I didn't really think about this, about what it would be like, when I kept pushing you – "

"No, Lilly, it's okay. You didn't. I mean, you did, but I wouldn't have done it if I..." She paused. "Unless it really bothers you, I can quit if you – "

"No way," Lilly said immediately. They fell silent again and Lilly bit her lip. "Do you – do you want to go ahead and go in case Dave calls people?"

Miley sighed. "No, I'll risk it. I'm not letting that asshole take away the last of our time together."

"Hey," Lilly said, trying to lighten the mood. "I've got something for you." She'd planned to give it to Miley right before she went through security, but she might as well do it now. Maybe it would make Miley feel a little better. And that way Miley would have it in case Dave _did_ call more people like him and Miley had to make a quick exit.

"What?" Miley asked, surprised.

"A going-away present." Lilly dug her hand into the pocket of her pants, curling it into a fist around the small object and pulling it out. "Hold out your hand."

Miley raised an eyebrow but stuck out her hand palm up when Lilly just grinned at her. Lilly put her fist on top of Miley's palm and uncurled her fingers, letting the object fall into Miley's hand. It was a small piece of jade, carved into the shape of a frog.

"So you'll always have something to remind you of me when you're out on the road," Lilly explained, almost laughing at the look of shocked pleasure on Miley's face. She could be so cute sometimes.

"Like I'll ever need reminding," Miley said, and if they hadn't been in the middle of the airport, if it hadn't been for what just happened, Lilly would have kissed her.

———————————————

**The next update will be early Thursday morning, because after that I'm going to visit relatives for Thanksgiving and won't have internet access. **


	14. Living The Dream

**Omg whyyyyy is it so early? I think I will go get in the backseat of the car and go back to sleep and make my brother who I haven't seen in eight months drive the five plus hours to my aunt's house. I am such a good sister!**

**I have come to the conclusion that y'all are seriously just way too nice. It is the only explanation that makes sense. Thank you thank you thank you to everyone who keeps reviewing.**

**Have a happy Thanksgiving and/or Thursday and a great weekend!**

———————————————

**Chapter Fourteen: Living The Dream**

———————————————

_Your absence has gone through me  
Like thread through a needle.  
Everything I do is stitched with its color._

- W.S. Merwin, "Separation"

———————————————

**June – 01 August 2013**

**One**

It was summer, but now more than ever Lilly was sorry they'd moved to Seattle. She hated the empty house and kept away much as possible, staying in the library to study for the LSATs and picking up extra shifts at the skatepark. If only they'd stayed in Malibu, she could have hung out with Jackson and Sarah, or met up with the Heroic Trio to catch some waves. But she and Miley had always been so wrapped up in each other that she'd never really made any friends here. She got along all right with everyone at the skatepark, but they were more co-workers than friends, and their idea of a good time was to go out drinking. After seeing what alcohol had done to Miley, Lilly never intended to touch the stuff.

The house echoed. Lilly knew she was imagining it, but that was how it felt, like the house was a hollowed-out shell and every noise she made bounced from wall to wall because there was nothing, no one there to stop it. She avoided the place except to sleep.

Miley had only been gone a week, and already Lilly didn't know how she would survive for seven more. At least once a day she had to fight the urge to call Sarah and yell at her, because Sarah had told her, once, that this would get better, easier, and that was a lie.

The words on the page swam in front of her eyes. She was in the library taking a practice LSAT but she couldn't concentrate. The question she was currently doing involved the implications of the government refusing to put warning labels on caffeinated products when caffeine had been shown to increase birth defects in rats. Lilly rubbed her eyes and looked down at the book. She'd crossed out the last choice and written _I miss you_ next to it, then filled in its bubble. She blew out a breath and pushed the prep book away from her. This was pointless, and she had class in twenty minutes anyway.

She checked her email on the laptop before she started to pack stuff up. A bunch of crap from the listserv her professor had made everyone sign up for, and an email from Jenny letting her know the name of the radio station in Sacramento Miley had an interview with today. It was almost starting; she could listen to it on the way to class. Lilly shoved everything into her bag and headed downstairs, barely paying attention to where she was going because she was busy pulling up the radio station's website on her phone. They were streaming the broadcast, just like she'd thought.

She popped earbuds into her ears and slowed her steps as the host introduced Miley. Her class was all the way across campus and it would take her at least ten minutes to get there, but she wanted to make sure she got to hear all of this and she didn't know how long it would run. The host called Miley Hannah and Lilly winced, imagining just how well that had gone over with Miley. No one else would be able to tell, but Lilly could hear how annoyed Miley was from the way her voice took on an extra layer of polite smoothness.

The interview was nothing new, the same old questions everyone always trotted out, but Lilly didn't care. Hearing Miley, knowing exactly where she was right now and what she was doing, that was the important part. In some ways, the routineness of the interview was even comforting. It let her tune out the words themselves without worrying she would miss something, and just listen to the sound of Miley's voice, the familiar rhythm of it, rising and falling like sheets of rain on a roof, like waves of love or longing.

———————————————

**Two**

Stupid hotel mattress, Miley thought, turning over for what must have been the hundredth time in the last hour. It was too soft. The glowing numbers on the clock by the bed mocked her and she lifted her head to punch out her frustration on the pillow. It was after three a.m. now. If she didn't get a least a little sleep she'd be dead all day tomorrow, and she really couldn't afford that.

But it was so much harder to fall asleep when she wasn't with Lilly. Her brain wouldn't turn off without Lilly's reassuring warmth there next to her. It kept going over everything, tumbling past the day's events, down and down until she was being chased by worries about the tour, and being gone so long, and Lilly...

This hour was the worst, the one between three and four in the morning. That was the hour her guilt caught up with her, and her mind ran in tight little circles of self-recrimination.

How could she have been so fucking stupid? Of all the short-sighted, idiotic things to wish for...her mom, she could've..._dammit_. And she'd known better, she'd seen what it was like for Jake, and she'd still been stupid enough to wish for something she knew she didn't want. And then she'd fucked everything up once she got here, let down so many people...and here she was, going after it _again_, as though she hadn't learned the first time what wanting this could do. And Lilly, Lilly was having to work so hard, and it was all her fault...everything was her fault...how could she have been so fucking stupid?

For years she'd silenced those thoughts with alcohol and later drugs, and the craving to go back to them was so, so tempting, because she knew, she _knew_ that they would work, that all of this guilt and regret would disappear for a few hours and she would have peace. But she couldn't do that to Lilly. She couldn't ruin Lilly's life any more than she already had, couldn't take the chance that –

She flopped over on her stomach and turned her head away from the clock. She had to stop thinking and get some sleep. If only Lilly were there, or even just in the same hotel. Or the same _state_. The distance made her connection with Lilly seem tenuous, like maybe the last five years had all been a dream and Lilly had never really come here at all. Alone, in the dark, without a decent night's sleep in the past week and a half, anything seemed possible.

Sighing, she sat up and started to reach for the light switch on the lamp, ready to give up and resign herself to sleepwalking through another day, trying to survive off catnaps in between the promotion Jenny booked for her and rehearsal. Then she remembered the five-minute-long voicemail Lilly had left yesterday when she'd called while Miley was in the middle of doing a radio show. Maybe hearing Lilly's voice would be enough to help her sleep.

Her eyes were more than adjusted to the dark by now, so Miley was able to easily make her way from the bed to the dresser and find her phone of top of it. She took it back to bed with her and tossed around a bit more, getting comfortable before she connected to her mailbox.

Lilly's voice washed over her. It was stupid, and Lilly would probably tease her just for saving the message if she knew, because all Lilly was doing was complaining about her class and having to study for the LSAT, but it helped a little. It gave her something besides remorse to focus on.

Miley listened to message six times through, and finally drifted off to sleep in the middle of the seventh, still holding the phone like a lifeline or a buoy, the only thing keeping her head above water.

———————————————

**Three**

Lilly shouldn't have washed the sheets. It had been three weeks since she came back from L.A., three weeks since Miley had gone on tour, and she did it out of habit but she shouldn't have. Before the sheets had still smelled faintly of Miley, a scent that had lingered under those of the shampoo and body wash they both used so that Lilly didn't notice it was there until it was gone.

It took her a while to figure it out that first night, minutes ticking away as she lay savoring the feel of clean sheets and at the same time trying to pinpoint why the bed seemed subtly _wrong_ all of a sudden. Finally she flipped over and pressed her face into Miley's pillow, and when she inhaled and smelled only detergent she realized what was missing. She shouldn't have washed the sheets. Two months wasn't _so_ long to go without washing them. Jackson had probably had sheets he hadn't washed for years before he started dating Sarah.

Too late now, Lilly thought, lying on her side and hugging the pillow to her. She'd already washed the other set and put them back in the linen closet, and now she'd just have to get used to it. But the feeling of wrongness persisted and she couldn't get comfortable. Every time she started to relax and fall asleep the awareness that something was off would creep into her mind and prick her needle-sharp until her eyes were forced open.

Lilly sighed. This obviously wasn't going to work. She sat up and got out of bed, clicking on the lamp. Miley had taken most of her clothes with her, but she'd left some behind. Enough for Lilly's purposes. There was a UW sweatshirt in the closet that Miley had worn so much it still smelled like her no matter how many times it was washed. Lilly pulled it off the hanger and over her head, breathing in deeply.

There. Perfect. Then she had an even better idea and padded down the hall and into the study. The box she needed was on the top shelf of the closet and she couldn't quite reach, so she got the desk chair and stood on it, balancing precariously and hoping it wouldn't roll out from under her. It did jerk a bit when she tugged the box down, making her yelp, but she was able to steady herself with a death grip on the doorframe and clambered down with the box resting on her hip, wedged under her arm. Once she was safe on the floor again she set it on the chair and opened the flaps.

Beary Bear was right on top. She stuck her nose deep in his soft plush and inhaled. There. _That_ was perfect. He smelled just like Miley, not even mixed with detergent. She'd keep the sweatshirt too, though. It couldn't hurt.

She turned the air up on the way back to bed so she wouldn't get too hot and settled in, clutching Beary Bear right under her chin. Her body relaxed immediately this time, Miley's smell surrounding her in a warm, comforting cloud, lulling her inexorably off to sleep.

———————————————

**Four**

Las Vegas shimmered from far away like an oasis in the desert. Then you got into the city and realized that it sucked just as much as the desert, only in very different ways. The heat was omnipresent, though, and all the glass and gilt on the Strip reflected so much light Miley worried she'd end up cooked like a turkey.

Vegas could be overwhelming the first time, but this was Miley's seventh, and by now she was more interested in checking into their rooms than gawking at all the wonders the Strip had to offer. In fact, she'd wanted a hotel that was off the Strip and away from everything, but she'd been outvoted on the grounds that all the off-Strip hotels were shitholes. She didn't have any proof to the contrary, so it was hard to argue with that, or with Jenny's flat statement that she was the one making the reservations and she'd damn well book them where she wanted to stay. Miley grinned remembering that. The pressures of organizing a ten-month, cross-country tour had finally knocked the timidity out of Jenny and now she didn't hesitate to stand up to Miley.

Both buses fit comfortably in the driveway of the Bellagio. Liveried bellhops streamed out of the doors and started carting luggage inside while Miley stepped off the bus and stretched, then sauntered inside leaving Jenny behind staring at the Fountains.

She hadn't made it more than two steps inside the door when a man swept up to her, smiling broadly. "Ms. Stewart," he said, and started in on a long speech about their rooms being comped and all the other amenities the casino had to offer, and if Miley needed anything else at all she should let him know.

Miley pulled her sunglasses down her nose and looked at him over the top of them. "Show me where my suite is," she said, interrupting his explanation of how he'd be more than happy to escort her to the high-rollers area if she had even the slightest desire to gamble, or even set up a private gaming room if she preferred. "And then leave me alone the rest of the time I'm here, and I'll send someone down to play two million."

He looked like she'd just given him every Christmas present he'd ever wanted, and immediately ushered her off to the elevators. "Where are the rest of my people staying?" she asked during the ride up, and frowned when he described the rooms, remembering how entranced Jenny had been on the drive to the casino. "Upgrade them. And make sure my assistant has a good view of the Strip."

"Consider it done," he said, and she spent the rest of the time in the elevator trying to decide which of the drivers she should give the two million. Maybe she'd just give one to Mike and one to Pete and let them both play. They were going to be here a couple days and neither of them would have anything else to do.

She shut the door on the casino host's still-smiling face and wandered through the enormous suite until she found the bedroom. There was a concert that night and they had rehearsal in just under two hours, and Miley wanted to try and fit a nap in before that. She'd listened to Lilly's old messages for over an hour last night before finally falling asleep. Miley belly-flopped onto the bed without bothering to worry about an alarm. Jenny would make sure she got woken up in time.

But she didn't even need Jenny, because she only drifted in and out of sleep for about forty-five minutes before jerking completely awake. She checked her watch, groaning when she realized she could have slept for at least another twenty minutes. She called room service and had them send up coffee. "And sunscreen," she said, so she wouldn't end up roasted in the time it took to get from the hotel to the car and the car to the arena.

The coffee was perfect when it came and the sunscreen was Lilly's brand, which made Miley smile. It wasn't until she started to put it on that she realized she should have asked for something else. The smell of it reminded her so strongly of Lilly, of Lilly on the beach, smiling. Lilly on the beach in a bikini, water dripping off of her, little droplets tracing erratic paths down her bare stomach that Miley wanted to follow with her tongue.

Shit, Miley thought. The mental images and the smell made her heart rate pick up, and her body started to tingle as she rubbed the lotion into her skin. She really should have sent this back. Now she was going to spend the rest of the day with arousal trickling through her.

Her phone went off as she finished applying the sunscreen and she fished it out of her bag. It was Jenny, so she didn't answer, just grabbed up the bag and went out into the hallway where she knew Jenny would be waiting.

"Mike and Pete took the buses straight to the Orleans after we unloaded here, so everything should be set up down there by the time we get there," Jenny said, flipping her phone shut as Miley stepped out of her room. Miley gestured for her to take the lead, trying to breathe shallowly and hoping she'd get used to the scent and wouldn't smell it after a while.

That didn't happen. Rehearsal was torture: she spent the whole time so distracted by the arousal pinging along her nerves that she kept screwing up and rehearsal ran over by half an hour.

"What's wrong?" Jenny asked when they finally wrapped with just enough time to get dinner before they'd need to be back for the concert.

Miley could smell her sweat mixing with the sunscreen, and god, that just made it _worse_. "Nothing," she said tightly, and started breathing through her mouth.

She had zero appetite so she had the car take her back to the hotel, dropping down to sit on the edge of the bed and burying her face in her hands. There was no way she could play a show like this. She took a deep breath and then snatched her hands away from her face. That was not helping.

It was seven o'clock now; Lilly worked until ten tonight. Dammit.

Miley flipped off her sandals and picked up the tube of sunscreen, idly tossing it from hand to hand for a moment before she twisted off the cap and squirted some into her palm. She rolled her eyes as her body immediately reacted to fresher, stronger smell. Even she would admit this was getting a little out of hand.

She massaged the lotion into her arms and then rubbed some on her neck, letting her fingers linger there as she imagined Lilly kissing, licking, sucking –

Jesus. Miley inhaled sharply and laid back on the bed, undoing the button on her shorts and pulling down the zipper, sliding a hand under her panties and through the wiry thatch of hair. She was wet, she'd been wet for _hours_ now, and her hand was still slippery from the sunscreen, and her fingers slid easily against her clit. A hard breath snaked its way out between tongue and teeth at the contact. It was almost embarrassing how little it took. Her hand moved jerkily, made uncoordinated by her intense need. Two fingers pressed her clit and an image of Lilly slowly untying the string that held the top of her bikini up blazed through her mind, and an orgasm shattered her, ripping through her body almost painfully.

She screamed out Lilly's name, her body tense and then shaking. Drained, she couldn't move for a few minutes except for the heaving of her chest as she tried to get her breath back. Finally, she pulled her hand free, bringing it to her mouth and sucking her fingers clean. There, under the taste of her, was the faint taste of sunscreen to match the smell that still surrounded her. Miley smiled, then chuckled, then started laughing and couldn't stop, her whole body shaking again, because this was completely, utterly ridiculous and she couldn't ever tell Lilly about this, because if she did Lilly would never, ever let her live it down.

———————————————

**Five**

The morning light streamed into the room unchecked because Lilly had forgotten to close the curtains the night before. It had been dark by the time she got home, almost eleven, and she hadn't even bothered to turn on a light in the room, just changed in the dark and went straight to bed. It was better that way.

Now she cursed her carelessness. She pressed her palms into her eyes and then glared at the clock. Quarter to seven, and it was Saturday. Her hands dropped to her sides, encountering nothing but a cold, empty space next to her. And she was waking up alone.

She hated this moment, this instant that happened a hundred times a day, when she'd remember all over again that Miley was gone. It was easy enough to lose herself in studying for her classes or last-minute cramming for the LSATs, but that feeling was always there waiting for her the second she came up for air, that sharp stab of loneliness and need that could catch her unawares and leave her gasping in the middle of the library, trying not to cry.

Just like now, when tears started to pool in her eyes. She pushed the heels of her hands back against them until she could swallow the tears away.

Enough was enough. What she needed to do, Lilly decided, was stop wallowing. There had to be good things about Miley being gone, and she'd find them. She rolled out of bed and bounced a little to get her blood flowing. Starting with getting up early and not having to worry about making too much noise and waking Miley up.

After a quick shower, she went out to breakfast at Wayward Cafe, a vegetarian place on the other side of Ravenna Park that Miley hated. And then, since it was Saturday and she'd done a fair bit of studying last night, she treated herself to a matinee of Death Blow 2, the latest action movie. Miley thought watching things blow up was boring, and nothing Lilly said would convince her otherwise.

She went to the skatepark after, glad she wasn't on the schedule today, and spent two hours working on doing some tricks switch before she stopped to grab a late lunch at the pizza place across the street. Todd came in just as she got her slice and settled in one of the back booths, and he slid in across from her once he got his own food. A rumpled brown paper grocery bag that had obviously been reused a lot dangled from one hand. He dropped it on the table next to his paper plate, which was piled high with three slices of mushroom and black olive pizza.

"What're you doing here?" she asked him, giving the hand he offered over the table a friendly slap. He usually didn't come in on the weekends.

Todd shrugged. "Same as you, probably," he said. "Get some skating in. But I saw you come in here and I figured I might as well eat something first." He folded the top slice in half and took a giant bite out of it.

Lilly nodded and swallowed a bite of her bacon and pineapple. "I can almost do a switch crooked grind."

"Awesome," Todd said, holding up his hand for Lilly to slap it again. He jerked his head towards the paper bag. "Hey, you want any raspberries? We've got like ten bushes on the hill behind our house and my girlfriend is going crazy trying to get rid of them. She's even started trying to convince the kids they count as dessert so they'll eat more."

"No, thanks," Lilly said automatically, because Miley couldn't stand raspberries. Even having them at the house made her sick. But Miley wouldn't be there. "Actually, you know what? I will take some. Miley hates them, but she isn't here, so..."

"Rock," Todd said. "Celebrate your independence."

Lilly took another bite, mumbled her answer through cheese and tomato sauce. "I guess."

He had them in little cardboard cartons inside the bag, four all together. Lilly took one home and stood rinsing the raspberries in a colander at the sink. The afternoon sunlight lit up the kitchen, and when she'd patted the raspberries dry on a paper towel and piled them in one of their little pale green ice cream bowls they looked almost too perfect to eat.

Lilly sat at the kitchen table and carefully selected the two biggest, juiciest raspberries in the bowl, popping them into her mouth and biting down. They exploded, filling her mouth with juice, bright and sweet and tart. They tasted like summer and she swallowed them down, grinning. She'd forgotten how good raspberries were, it had been so long since she'd had any. The last time had been a raspberry smoothie almost a year ago. Miley had smelled it on her breath when she got home and threatened not to kiss her for a week.

But that wouldn't be a problem this time, because she wasn't going to see Miley for another three weeks. Three whole weeks. The aftertaste in her mouth turned sour. Lilly stared at the rest of the raspberries in the bowl, vision blurring, then got up and dumped them in the trash.

She'd never really liked them all that much anyway.

———————————————

**Six**

Sound check was dragging on forever. Something was screwed up with the power amps, and Rick and Nathan, the two techs on the tour, had spent over an hour so far trying to get it working again. They kept promising they'd be done in another five minutes, only to move that estimate back again when the time was up.

Miley sat in one of the front row seats, aimlessly plucking at Lola's strings. Another crappy thing in an already crappy day. They'd had a late night last night, and then were supposed to leave early, but she'd overslept and made them late getting on the road. It had rained all day, too, a light mist that soaked into their clothes every time they went outside and made the bus drivers cranky at having to drive through it. Everyone else had caught their crankiness from them, and the change in barometric pressure had given Miley a killer headache.

She sighed and gave up on even pretending to play, sitting back in the seat and rubbing her hand along the smooth surface of the guitar. Jenny was sitting a few rows back, busy talking on her phone, doing god knew what. Probably setting up more interviews where Miley would have to talk about Hannah's drinking problem again. The idea pissed her off more than it should have. She just couldn't deal with thinking about crap like that today. The way she felt now, she didn't even want to play the concert tonight.

"Okay, just another five minutes, guys, we promise," Rick called from the side of the stage where he and Nathan were messing with the amps, and Miley sighed again. She couldn't call Lilly because she was in class, and she couldn't take just sitting here anymore. Coffee would help her headache and give her energy, and she thought she remembered seeing a coffee shop a few blocks down.

She pushed herself up out of the seat and ambled over to where Jenny was sitting, carefully placing Lola in the seat next to her. "Coffee?" she mouthed at the girl, who nodded her head vigorously and started to reach for her purse. Miley waved her off. She had a twenty and a couple ones in her pocket, left over from getting lunch.

Miley hoisted herself up onstage. Bad idea, she thought, because it set her head pounding even worse. "Hey, I'm making a coffee run, you guys want anything?" she asked Nathan and Rick, walking past where Rock'n'roll Roxy, her electric guitar, was resting in its stand and over to the two guys.

"God, yes," Rick said, sounding pathetically grateful for the offer.

"You're a lifesaver," Nathan added. "Seriously, if I don't get some caffeine soon I'm just going to start beating the shit out of this thing."

"Don't do that," Miley said. "Then we'll be stuck here even longer. What do you guys want?" She got their orders and hurried out of the amphitheater, wanting to be outside.

That only lasted until she actually got outside. It was still raining, and she'd left her umbrella inside. Drizzle coated her face and beaded in her hair, dampening her shirt and jeans. When she stepped to the curb to cross the street, a car went past, hitting a puddle and sending a wave of water splashing over her, completely soaking her shoes and her jeans from the knees down. Dammit, Miley thought. Today sucked.

Gritting her teeth, she crossed the street and found the coffee place. There was a line almost to the door and when she finally made it to the counter and got her order, the teenager working the counter told her they were out of drink carriers. She had to carry all four drinks back, praying the whole way that the lids on the two she was clutching between her arms and chest wouldn't pop off and spill scalding hot coffee all over her.

They didn't, but by the time she got back the rest of her clothes were as wet as the bottom of her jeans. Jenny was off the phone when Miley walked back in. "What happened?" she exclaimed, jumping up and relieving Miley of two of the cups. "Why didn't you come back and get an umbrella?"

"Good thing I didn't," Miley said. The air conditioning was on and it made her clothes ice cold. Her teeth started to chatter. "I wouldn't have been able to hold it and all the coffee."

"Didn't they have a holder?" Jenny asked.

Miley shook her head and almost snapped at her. Did Jenny really think she would have walked back here like that if they had? "Those are Rick and Nathan's," she said, nodding to the cups in Jenny's hands. She set Jenny's coffee on the floor by her seat while Jenny took the other two cups up to the guys, then took the aisle seat in the row behind Jenny. Shivering miserably, she took the lid off of her cup and blew on the coffee. Today sucked _ass_.

She took a sip and almost spit it back into the cup in surprise. It was sweet. Damn. She must have mixed up the orders. "Hey, Nathan, I think I got your – " she started, looking up at the stage just in time to see Nathan take a drink, make a face at the taste, and _actually_ spit it back in the cup. " – coffee," she finished.

Nathan looked over at her, shamefaced. "Um. Oops?"

Rick started laughing at him. "You're such a dumbass, man," he chided.

"Shut up," Nathan hissed at him. "Um, you want me to run out and get you a new one?" he asked Miley.

"Yeah, or I could," Jenny offered, her face screwed up in sympathy. She knew how serious Miley was about her coffee.

"No, it's all right," Miley said. Just one more crappy thing in the long line of crappy things that was today. And it wouldn't kill her to drink sweetened coffee for once. "Sorry I screwed it up, Nathan."

Nathan shrugged. "Don't worry about it, I'll just steal some of Rick's." He and Rick went back to fiddling with the amps and Jenny's phone rang. Miley huddled in her seat, trying to stop shivering. She'd better not get a cold from this. The coffee warmed her hands and she took another sip.

The taste of it triggered a memory: the last time she'd had coffee with sugar was Christmas before last, right after she and Lilly had gotten together and they'd been split up because Lilly was staying with her parents. Miley had met her on the beach every morning at dawn after Lilly finished surfing, armed with a thermos of coffee.

She drank more, warmth from the drink spreading through her like heat from the sun on those mornings, relaxing her muscles and easing the shivers away. Miley took another sip, letting the sweet coffee taste roll around in her mouth. She remembered how Lilly had looked that first morning, how her eyes had sparkled when she discovered that Miley had brought the coffee just like this, just the way Lilly liked it, and for the first time all day Miley smiled.

———————————————

**Seven**

The streets were practically deserted. An occasional car zoomed past Lilly as she tic tacked from one streetlight-cast puddle of light to the next, but no one else was on the sidewalk and most of the houses were dark. It was late. She should have gone home sooner, but the LSAT was in two days and she was starting to feel like she was suffocating, so she'd stayed at the library until it closed and a student worker with bright purple hair worthy of Lola kicked her out.

What she really should have done was taken the car, but campus was so close to their house that she hardly ever drove. She hadn't had to fill up the gas tank once in the six weeks Miley had been gone, and it had only been half-full when she'd left. Lilly veered into the driveway, jumping off the skateboard and scooping it up. She patted the hood of the car as she walked past. Poor Maria, she thought. The car probably missed Miley as much as she did.

The porch light wasn't on: another thing she should have done but hadn't. The skateboard slipped from her grasp as she fumbled in the back pocket of her bookbag for her keys. It clattered against the weathered boards of the porch, the sound loud in the otherwise quiet night, and Lilly sent a mental apology winging towards whatever neighbors she might have woken up.

She got the door open and reached inside to slap on the porch and living room lights before picking up the skateboard and propping it against the wall just inside the door. Shrugging off her backpack and letting it thud to the ground, she relocked the door behind her and then tossed the keys towards the coffee table. They skidded across the top and fell off the far edge, but she was past caring about them at this point.

"Honey, I'm home," she muttered. The dead silence of the house swallowed the words. Lilly sighed. The house was so empty. It didn't even feel like her house most of the time, it felt like someone else's abandoned home, like in one of those horror movies about the end of the world where everyone got vaporized and left all their stuff behind. It probably didn't help that she only spent about one waking hour here a day, but it was just so depressing being here alone. Every inch of this place was steeped with memories of Miley, of them together.

Lilly headed upstairs, flipping lights on in front of her and off behind her as she moved through the house and into their bedroom. She yanked the curtains closed – that was one thing she _had_ learned to do faithfully – and started stripping out of her clothes, checking the clock by the bed. A little after midnight, and Miley was in Kansas City, so it would be just after ten there. She had a concert tonight that was probably still going.

Her pajamas and Miley's sweatshirt were still piled on the unmade bed where Lilly had left them this morning. She pulled them on and went to brush her teeth. Right now, Miley would be onstage, holding everyone hostage with her voice.

She finished in the bathroom and shuffled back down the hall, turning off the light and getting into bed. The room was pitch black. Or maybe, she thought, the show was just ending, and Miley was grinning and waving while the audience cheered, sweat making her glow. Lilly had been to so many concerts she could picture everything perfectly, the golden glare of the stage, the flash of Miley's smile, the shadowed, heaving mass of people below.

Usually, Lilly loved Miley's fans. If for nothing else, she loved them for loving Miley, and for the fact that most of them were Hannah fans who had taken her back with open arms, just as she was now. But in that instant, lying alone in bed, she hated them so much she almost gagged on it, because they were there with Miley, they could see her in front of them, lit up beautiful and blinding-bright under the spotlight, and all Lilly had was endless, unyielding darkness.

———————————————

**Eight**

"Did you see that?" Miley asked, catching Jenny by the arm and stopping her in her tracks. There was a girl on the other side of the street with long blonde hair. She'd turned her head for just a second, and Miley would swear she looked exactly like –

"See what?" Jenny asked. She glanced up from where she'd been studying the directions to the local TV station on her phone.

The girl across the street turned again, giving Miley a good view of her face. She didn't look anything like Lilly. "Never mind."

"I didn't see anything," Jenny apologized. "But I think we turn right up here."

"It's all right," Miley told her. "It was nothing."

But it happened again on the way back from the interview, this time with a woman wearing the exact same jacket Lilly had. She was just ahead of them in the light after-lunch crowd on the sidewalks. "Lilly?" Miley said. It wasn't until she'd cut through the people in front of her and put a hand on the woman's shoulder that she realized the woman was too tall, and her hair was cut wrong, in a short bob around her chin.

The woman turned around, eyebrows raised. And she was at least forty. "Sorry," Miley said. "I thought you were someone else." She retreated back to Jenny's side, ignoring the odd look Jenny gave her.

It happened again: in the car on the way to the concert there was a girl on a skateboard on the sidewalk. She had Lilly's helmet, not the blue one she had now, but the bright red one she'd had before. There was a split second when Miley's heart leapt in recognition, and then, even though she knew it couldn't possibly be Lilly – too young, brown hair, Lilly had never had that helmet here – her eyes followed that spot of red until it disappeared.

And again: at the concert. She glanced backstage during a song, thought she saw Lilly standing there, and almost ran off the stage. She did flub a line, but managed to recover. When she dared look backstage again, no one was there.

It was hopeless, she knew that, but that didn't stop her from hoping. No performance had ever seemed to drag on as long as this one did. She rushed offstage almost before the final note of the last song died away, barely waving to acknowledge the applause that erupted.

Backstage was crawling with support personnel, but no Lilly. Jenny started when Miley burst through the door to her dressing room. Lilly wasn't there. Of course she wasn't.

"Miley?" Jenny asked. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

Miley sighed. "No." I'm just going crazy, she thought. That's all. "Let's just get back to the hotel, okay?"

No more, she willed out the car window at the universe, watching the lights of Sioux Falls go by.

But there it was waiting for her in the hotel lobby: a glimpse of dirty blonde hair, a woman standing at the concierge desk, just the right height. It wasn't Lilly, she knew it wasn't, Lilly had a ten-page paper due in two days and a final in four. It couldn't be Lilly, but she hoped again anyway. She couldn't stop herself.

The woman turned to dig through her purse for something, and Miley couldn't stop the disappointment that flooded through her then either. Not Lilly. Dammit.

She called Lilly as soon as she got in her room. It was after midnight, and there was only an hour time difference, but Lilly would be up late studying. "I think I'm going crazy," she said when Lilly answered.

"Five more days," Lilly said.

Miley closed her eyes and leaned back against the room door. Hearing Lilly's voice helped, and she felt better just knowing that Lilly knew what she meant without Miley having to explain it. "I keep seeing you everywhere."

"Just wait until I get there," Lilly said. "You won't be able to have your eyes open without seeing me."

"Promise?" Miley asked.

"Pinky swear," Lilly said, but all Miley could think was that they were too far away for that.

———————————————

**August**

The crowd jostled Lilly as she made her way from baggage claim to the departure gate, towing her suitcase behind her. She had a duffel bag on top of it, fastened to the pull-out handle, which made it heavy and unwieldy and she had to fight to keep it from toppling over as people kept bumping into it. Her eyes narrowed in annoyance and she sent cranky thoughts out at the heads of everyone surrounding her, thoughts that doubled as they approached the gate and Lilly realized that they were all taller than she was. She craned her neck, trying to see Miley, but all she got were flashes of random strangers' ears and shoulders. Inconsiderate little...

"Lilly," Miley called off to her right. Lilly whipped around and paid back all the negative karma these people had built-up in her mind by tearing through the crowd, heedless of the sides she elbowed and toes her suitcase ran over. Finally, she broke through the ranks and spotted Miley waiting for her over by the wall past the end of the moving walkway. She was wearing a UT sweatshirt with the hood pulled up and giant sunglasses, a makeshift disguise that had probably only worked so far because this was Minnesota. Lilly crossed the rest of the space between them in an instant.

The suitcase did fall over on its side when Lilly dropped the handle to grab Miley instead, but Lilly couldn't have cared less. She was too busy hugging Miley for all she was worth. Miley hugged back so hard all the breath was squeezed out of Lilly's lungs and she was reminded of a similar greeting she'd endured five years ago. How had Miley stood being alone for eighteen months? Just two had almost killed Lilly.

"Can't...breathe," Lilly gasped.

"Oops," Miley said, loosening her arms. "Sorry."

"I didn't say stop," Lilly said. She leaned into Miley's body, breathing in the smell of her, lips curling up in a smile when Miley chuckled.

"Sorry, but you just got here and I'd like to keep you around for a while," Miley said. She let go of Lilly and bent down to grab the suitcase. "Come on, let's get out of here and, uh – " She whispered the next part seductively into Lilly's ear, sending shivers of barely-controlled arousal down Lilly's spine. " – find someplace we can say hello properly, if you know what I mean." It took everything Lilly had not to push Miley up against the wall and strip her naked right there in the airport.

Somehow, they made it back to the hotel. Lilly wouldn't let go of Miley's hand the whole way there. Miley had driven herself to the airport, so Lilly couldn't crawl into her lap and stay there on the way back like she wanted, and she needed some form of physical contact to reassure her that this was actually, finally happening, after so long.

She couldn't tear her eyes away from Miley, either, drinking in the sight of her. Miley looked tired, a little pinched around the eyes, though that disappeared every time she glanced over at Lilly and found Lilly looking back at her. She'd probably lost about five pounds, which she definitely couldn't afford to lose, and Lilly immediately started plotting how she could get some weight back on Miley's bones while she was here.

"We're going out for dinner tonight," she said as Miley pulled the car into the underground parking lot beneath the hotel. "A big dinner."

Miley raised an eyebrow at that but shrugged. "Whatever you want," she promised. "We can just drop off your stuff and go now if you're hungry."

Lilly _was_ kind of hungry, but she had other ideas in mind. She barely saw the white marble floor in the lobby of the Grand Hotel or noticed the lavish furnishings in their suite – which included a fireplace and a library in built-in bookshelves – as she rapidly discarded Miley's clothes and pushed her down on the bed.

Hands were everywhere, sliding over skin without stopping as they reacquainted themselves with each other's bodies. They didn't talk, couldn't, and the only sounds were moans and whimpers and needy whines: music no one else would ever get to hear. Lilly pressed closer, trying to get into Miley's skin because it had been two months without this, two months without Miley, _two months_ –

Three hours later, they were finally finished 'saying hello.' Lilly lay flat on her back on the bed, chest heaving, trying to get her breathing back to normal. The taste of Miley lingered on her tongue, thick and heady. "That's one heck of a hello you've got there, Stewart."

Miley grinned down at her, lying on her side with her head propped on one hand. "Yours ain't too bad there, either, Truscott." She inched closer to Lilly and leaned down, licking and nibbling at the skin over Lilly's collarbone. "You still want to go out to dinner? You're probably starving by now."

The idea of doing anything that would require her to get dressed and move more than two inches away from Miley was anathema. "Let's just get room service." Her stomach growled. "A lot of room service."

Miley laughed. "I think we can handle that." She laid her head down on Lilly's shoulder and slid an arm over Lilly's waist. "Just gimme a minute and I'll call down and order."

Lilly stroked her fingers along Miley's forearm, watching goosebumps follow in their wake. "I think this is what I missed the most," she said.

"What, the sex?" Miley asked, laughing. "I knew you only loved me for my hot body."

"No," Lilly said, lightly slapping the back of Miley's hand. "No, not the sex. Just – just this. Just being able to touch you."

Miley tightened her arm, pulling Lilly even closer. "I know," she said. "I know."

———————————————


	15. Hold On Tight

**I was going to make this a really short update, but then everyone left such wonderful comments that I was inspired to neglect my schoolwork and write a bit more. So just to let you know, when I flunk out of grad school and can't get a decent job and pay rent I will be crashing on all y'all's couches. I hope you have nice ones.**

———————————————

**Chapter Fifteen: Hold On Tight **

———————————————

_They called her theirs.  
All this time I had thought  
She belonged to me most._

- Frieda Hughes, "Readers"

———————————————

**August 2013**

Being on tour wasn't as fun as Lilly had thought it would be. She wasn't expecting glamour; she hadn't been best friends with Hannah Montana for years without learning that the glamour was just an illusion for the fans, and being along for the relaunch of Miley's career had dispelled any lingering fantasies she might have had. But she wasn't quite expecting just how cramped the tour bus could seem after being stuck in it all day either, or just how boring it was to sit with Jenny in the front room of local TV and radio stations as Miley gave yet another interview that would reach an audience of thousands instead of millions.

Miley really should have just done more national, Lilly thought, though she knew promotion was a necessary part of touring anyway and she understood Miley's reasons for limiting her national appearances. It affected her level of exposure not just here but worldwide, and made a difference in day-to-day recognition. Lilly could tell that just from walking down the street with her. As in, they could occasionally do it without getting mobbed.

All it took was one person, though, one utterance of Miley's name, or worse, Hannah's, and Lilly could see the light bulbs flick on in people's eyes, right before they all rushed Miley with demands for autographs and pictures. Like now, when the twenty-something brunette girl with her hand stamped from last night's concert had a screaming fit when she saw them down the street from the hotel and set off a domino effect that had Miley surrounded in seconds.

Lilly and Jenny were jostled back out of the way and ended up pushed back against the wall of an office building. "Great," Jenny said. "Now we'll never get lunch, and I'm starving."

Lilly laughed. "Come on, it's good to see how much they love her. And at least this is more entertaining than playing tic-tac-toe in the lobby of KS95."

"Sorry, but this was only heart-warming the first fifty times, and I'm too hungry to derive any entertainment from the situation," Jenny said.

"So go get something to eat," Lilly said. "I'll wait for her. I know where the restaurant is, we'll catch up with you."

"Seriously?" Jenny asked, beaming when Lilly nodded. "Have I mentioned how much I love having you here? Because I _love_ having you here."

"If we're not there in fifteen minutes, order us something to go," Lilly called after her as she power-walked down the sidewalk.

They weren't there in fifteen minutes, and Lilly started to see how Miley could claim it wasn't her fault she'd lost five pounds because she didn't have time to eat. They were swarmed again the next day on the way to rehearsal, and twice the day after that. Jenny taught Lilly a game she'd made up where she measured the ratio of the times people called Miley Hannah versus the times they called her Miley by keeping track of how fake Miley's smile was. "You haven't told Miley about this game, have you?" Lilly asked.

"Are you crazy?" Jenny said. "I like my head attached to my neck, thanks."

"Good choice," Lilly said. She had to stop playing five minutes in because she noticed what Jenny probably hadn't: that the faker Miley's smile was, the more desperate her eyes got and the faster she tried to get out of there. Lilly was glad they'd be back on the bus all day tomorrow, cramped or not cramped, it would at least be peaceful.

———————————————

"I'm bored," Lilly whined for the tenth time in as many minutes.

Miley looked up from where she was practicing on Lola across the table from Lilly. "You could read your book," she suggested.

"I finished it three days ago," Lilly said. "And reading on the bus makes me carsick."

"You could take a nap?" Miley tried.

"Not tired."

"You could help Jenny set up promotions and hotel reservations for Indianapolis." Jenny was sitting up next to Mike, the bus driver, and she turned and caught Miley's eye, shaking her head vigorously. Miley grinned at her, unrepentant.

"No, that's boring," Lilly said.

"Nice to know what you think of my job," Jenny said, pretending to be hurt.

"Hey, there's a reason I'm going to law school instead of managing Miley for the rest of my life," Lilly told her. She tapped her fingers on the table impatiently. "I'm bored."

"You're _annoying_," Miley corrected.

Lilly fake-pouted and Miley stuck her tongue out at her, then relented. She was powerless against the puppy-dog eyes. "Fine. You wanna learn guitar?"

"Really?" Lilly asked, looking intrigued.

"Sure. Come on." She motioned for Lilly to swing her legs out and sit facing into the bus so she'd have room to hold the guitar. "Okay, now, here – " Miley handed her the guitar. There wasn't room for her to sit next to Lilly, so she hopped up on the table where she could lean over and show her what to do.

"The first thing you want to do is put your two middle fingers right here – " She leaned over and guided Lilly's hand to the neck of the guitar and placed her fingers on the second frets on the D and A strings. "Just the tips of your fingers, and arch your fingers out so they don't touch the strings anywhere else. And don't actually put them on the fret, just as close as you can get." Lilly followed her directions with a look of intense concentration. "Right. And then your index finger goes here." She put Lilly's index finger on the first fret, G string. "Yeah, like that. Good. Now – " She handed Lilly a pick. "Strum."

Lilly did so, glancing up at Miley and grinning when it worked. "Great," Miley told her. "Okay, that's E major. Remember that. Let me show you G now." She showed Lilly how to do G and D, then had her try to put the three together and end up back with E again.

It took several tries, and even when Lilly succeeded it was painfully slow, but Miley cheered her efforts anyway. "Look at you, you're playing the guitar! A few more lessons and you'll be up on the stage with me."

Lilly looked up, laughing, and she was so beautiful Miley's breath caught in her throat and she thought, How did I ever live without you next to me?

———————————————

LSAT scores were supposed to be posted today. Lilly checked the website obsessively on her phone, refreshing it at least once a minute. "I'm paying to get these scores faster, so why aren't they here yet?" she complained.

"Probably for the same reason they weren't there five seconds ago?" Jenny said. They were in the lobby of Y107 – Your #1 Hit Music Station for Jefferson City, Missouri – waiting for Miley to finish today's interview.

"Sorry, am I bothering you?" Lilly asked, falsely solicitous. "Because I know your boss, and one word to her and you're – " She sliced a finger across her throat.

Jenny didn't even stop typing on the laptop she had balanced on her knees. "Oh, really? Because I know my boss too, and I'm pretty sure she'd just tell you to stop bothering me so I can do my job."

Lilly glared at her. "I liked you better when you were still afraid of her."

Jenny laughed. "Hey, it's been ten seconds. The scores might be up."

"You think so?" Lilly asked, pouncing on her phone and hitting refresh.

But they weren't up, and Lilly wouldn't let herself be torn away from the site even when Miley finished the interview. Miley had to take her by the elbow and steer her out to the car and again from the car to the restaurant, where she also had to order for Lilly, and for once Miley ate more than she did, though Lilly quickly perfected the art of taking bites between refreshes.

"They'll be up when they're up, Lilly," Miley said when Lilly almost ran into the wall as they were getting on the elevator back at the hotel. Miley had a show tomorrow in Columbia, but they were staying here because of the interview today, and because Miley liked staying in smaller towns when she could.

"I know, but I want them _now_."

"Well, they aren't there yet, so you have to wait." She tried to wrestle the phone out of Lilly's hands. "I'm putting a limit on it. You can only check once an hour."

Lilly clung to the phone with a death grip. "An _hour?_ I can't wait that long, Miley." The phone started to slip out of her hands and she lunged after it. "Wait, wait, wait, just let me check one more time, just one more and then I'll stop for an hour, I promise." She got the phone and hit refresh over and over as fast as she could move her thumb.

"Okay, you checked it, Lilly, now stop," Miley said. "I'd like to actually have a conversation with you today."

Jenny snickered at that. "Good luck. The only time she talked to me today was to threaten to get me fired."

Miley made another grab for the phone. "Wait, wait," Lilly temporized, "just one more – oh my god. Oh my god, Miley, they're up. They're up!" She looked up at them in disbelief. "They're actually up!"

For a minute nobody moved or said a word. "So check them already!" Jenny urged.

Lilly was frozen, nerves locking up her muscles. "I...I can't. I can't do it. I'm too nervous." She swallowed and was able to thrust the phone at Miley. "You do it."

"Oh, for the love of..." Miley snatched the phone up. "What's the login?"

"L-G-truscot. All lowercase, only one T at the end."

"And the PIN?" Miley asked.

"Six two six eight one," Lilly rattled off.

Miley studied the screen for a moment, then looked up, her face blank. "Well?" Lilly asked, biting her lip. Even Jenny was holding her breath.

"Well," Miley said. She held the screen up to Lilly's face. "One seventy-six."

Lilly's eyes flickered from Miley's face to the screen for confirmation. "Oh my god. Oh my god, I did it!" She launched herself at Miley, who wrapped both arms around her and picked her up, spinning her in a circle.

"You sure did," Miley told her, voice bursting with pride.

"So that's a good score?" Jenny asked.

"That's a _fantastic_ score," Miley said. She let Lilly drop to the floor and then hugged her tight. "I'm so glad you got this while you're here."

"Me too," Lilly said. "Now we can celebrate."

"Definitely," Miley promised. She leaned forward and kissed Lilly, a kiss that deepened as Lilly poured her energy and excitement into it.

"Hey, hey, hey, there are other people in the elevator," Jenny said. "Remember me?"

They broke apart and Lilly grinned up at Miley. "I'm gonna be a lawyer."

"Yes," Miley said, and kissed Lilly's nose. "Yes, you are."

———————————————

Lilly decided they'd celebrate by going out to dinner, just the two of them. It had to be put off several days because they were traveling, and then Miley had concerts two nights in a row. But Jenny found them a fantastic restaurant in Little Rock, and Lilly was really looking forward to it, to spending some time together, just the two of them. Things had been so hectic on the tour that it seemed like the only quality time they'd had together so far was in bed at night.

The waiter was just taking away their appetizer when the first person approached their table. Lilly took a sip of her water to hide her disappointment at the intrusion and thought that she really shouldn't have been surprised. She could count on one hand the number of uninterrupted dinners they'd had in the two and a half weeks she'd been on the tour, and all but one of those involved room service or eating on the tour bus. It had been cute at first, even a little funny, but it was getting old fast.

Someone else asked for an autograph before their entrées arrived, two more while they ate. "I am seriously like your number one fan!" the fifth one squealed.

Yeah, Lilly thought bitterly. You and ten million other people.

Another one of the ten million arrived at their table just as the waiter brought out dessert. "I'm _sorry_," Miley said earnestly after that last one. "This was supposed to be your night."

You knew what you were getting into, Lilly reminded herself. She raised a forkful of cheesecake and smiled to show Miley it was okay, even though it kind of wasn't. "Hey," she said. "I've got you and chocolate caramel cheesecake and an awesome LSAT score. The rest doesn't matter."

She only ate half the cheesecake, though, because someone else came up for an autograph, and after that Lilly decided she'd rather just go back to the hotel than wait and see who else in the restaurant was going to work up the nerve to do the same.

Some of her bad mood dissipated during the ride back, which was quiet until Miley leaned forward towards the front seat. "Pull over a second," she instructed the driver.

"Where are we going?" Lilly asked, and followed Miley's finger when she pointed. "Barnes and Noble?"

"To get you something else to read," Miley explained.

"Let's do it later," Lilly said. "I really just want to go back to the hotel. I'm tired." And the cheesecake wasn't sitting well in her stomach, nor was the rest of their dinner experience.

"Come on, we can do this. It'll be fine." Normal, she meant, which Lilly doubted. "And I can't keep teaching you guitar all the time. I have to practice myself."

"Fine," Lilly said, reluctantly unbuckling her seatbelt. "But let's make this really quick. Get in, grab something, get out." She almost wanted to suggest that Miley wait in the car, but Miley looked so happy at her acquiescence that she didn't. Miley was probably right, it would be fine.

And it was. At first. Lilly browsed the bestsellers shelf while Miley disappeared into the back to look for some book Mamaw had recommended. She was still reading the backs of all the fiction books when Miley reappeared ten minutes later, crowding up close to her and resting her chin on Lilly's shoulder a second. "Did you find it?" Lilly asked.

"Nope," Miley said. "But she wasn't sure she was remembering the title right. Did you find anything?"

"What do you think about this one?" Lilly asked, handing her a copy of _Ink on a Page_.

"Excuse me?" said a timid voice behind them.

"Damn," Miley said under her breath. "I was hoping she wouldn't follow me."

"Um, I hate to bother you? But is there any way I could get your autograph?"

"Sure," Miley said, taking a step towards the girl. A step away from Lilly. Lilly pushed her annoyance down and picked up another book, scrutinizing it. So much for normal. But at least this girl was being polite. And quiet. And there was only one of her.

"What's your name?" Miley asked, and Lilly tuned out the girl's answer and her further gushings about how much she loved Miley, had loved Hannah, loved every single thing Miley had ever sung, ever. She stared at the back cover of the book without seeing it and waited for Miley to finish. She'd just put the book back on the shelf when Miley came up behind her again. "Did you pick one?"

Lilly looked over at her, saw the apology in Miley's eyes. "Yeah," she said, grabbing a book at random. "This one looks great. Let's get out of here."

And even that would have been okay if the cashier hadn't recognized her. "Oh. My. God!" she shrieked. Lilly bit back a sigh. "You are totally my favorite singer of, like, all time!"

"Thanks," Miley said, smiling at her and shooting Lilly another apologetic glance.

"Oh my god, I can't believe this is really happening! I've wanted to meet you for _so long_, oh my god, I just went to your concert last night and it was incredible!"

"Thanks," Miley said again. Everyone else in the store had stopped what they were doing and come out into the aisles to stare at them.

"Oh my god, is she with you?" the girl said, looking at Lilly. "Do you want that book? Let me call my manager, he will totally let you have it, no charge, he totally loves you, too."

"No, that's okay – "

But the girl was already paging the manager, and then three other employees who "totally loved Miley". So much for getting in, grabbing something, and getting out. So much for making this quick.

The manager pumped Miley's hand up and down and sent his staff scurrying after twenty other books he was sure Miley would enjoy, plus cappuccinos from the attached Starbucks. All free of charge, of course. As soon as he finished assuring her of that he started trying to talk her into doing a cd signing in the store before she left town.

"You'd really have to talk to my manager about that," Miley demurred. "I'll have her call you tomorrow."

Ten autographs, fifteen minutes, twenty-five books, and two cappuccinos later they were finally able to leave the store, albeit with a train of store employees who had insisted on carrying the books out for them. Miley directed them to put the books in the front seat next to the driver while Lilly jumped in the backseat as fast as she could and slammed the door, hoping that would block out the fawning comments they couldn't seem to stop uttering.

Lilly leaned her head back against the seat, the cappuccino in its paper cup hot against her skin. She closed her eyes, not opening them even when Miley got in the car and they pulled away from the curb. Neither of them said anything for a minute, then Miley sighed and dug around in her bag, pulling out her cell phone.

"Hey, Jenny," she said a few seconds later. "We're on our way back. Get your calculator ready." She paused. "Yeah. We went into a bookstore, so find a library or something. Oh, and tomorrow I need to you call the Barnes and Noble on Financial Center Parkway and explain to the manager why I can't do a cd signing there. Thanks. We'll see you in a few."

She hung up and there was another moment of silence. Then Miley muttered, "I'll never understand why people think someone who spends all her time crammed into a tour bus wants piles and piles of free stuff."

Lilly smiled a little in spite of herself, felt some of her annoyance fade. "What was that about a calculator?"

"I have Jenny keep track of everything people give me," Miley said. "Whatever I _should_ have spent goes into the Foundation. You'd be surprised how much it adds up."

"No, I wouldn't," Lilly said, opening her eyes.

Miley reached over and took her hand. "I'm sorry," she said. "I – do you – maybe when we get back we could have them send up some ice cream, and we could still celebrate that way. Just the two of us."

Lilly forced the corners of her mouth back up. "Yeah," she said. "I'd like that."

———————————————

Right after a concert was the best time to get her, Lilly reflected, watching the way Miley grinned at the sight of the horde of screaming fans waiting for them outside the back entrance to the amphitheater. Lilly had seen Miley have numerous interactions with her fans over the past three weeks, way too many of them, really, and while at the very least she was always polite to her fans, coming offstage Miley was always floating on a performance-high and genuinely loved talking to the people who'd just seen the show.

Lilly hung back between two of the four giant men who were providing security for the evening while Miley signed autographs on first one side of the cordoned off walkway and then the other. She was averaging about four autographs for every step forward, and Lilly sighed. At this rate, they wouldn't make their dinner reservations, even though she'd purposely made them for an hour and a half after the concert was supposed to be over.

She stretched up on tiptoe and whispered into the ear of one of the bodyguards. He nodded to his partner and they quickly escorted her to the car, smoothly opening the door and helping her inside. A light breeze had sprung up and it ruffled Lilly's hair as she climbed into the back of the car. It still felt weird not wearing a wig to these things.

The noise outside was grating on her nerves and she slammed the door shut, hoping the sound would make Miley look up and realize she should wrap things up and get in the car already. Miley didn't even glance in her direction, too busy smiling and straining to hear something a young woman was saying over the shouts of the other fans.

Oh my god, you're soooo great, Lilly thought sarcastically. I loved Hannah Montana and I'm soooo glad you're back, etc., etc., come on, let's get a move on!

It wasn't that she wasn't happy to see people so excited about Miley's music, or to see Miley enjoy talking with her fans. But her fans would have Miley for the next eight months. Lilly only got her for one more night.

One of the bodyguards was still standing next to the car door and Lilly rolled down the window and tugged on his sleeve. "Can you tell her I said hurry up, please?" The window slid back up and she watched him walk to Miley and lean down to whisper in her ear.

The tinting on the window kept anyone from seeing inside, but when Miley looked over she unerringly locked eyes with Lilly and nodded, then finished signing the picture she had in her hands and gave it back before letting the bodyguards pull her away from the crowd and shepherd her to the car.

"Thank you all for coming out tonight," Miley yelled as the door opened, facing the crowd for a second before she ducked into the car. "I love you all!"

Lilly knew Miley meant it, and she tried hard not to be jealous.

———————————————

The restaurant, Trio's, was nice, with excellent service and food that deserved every one of the four and a half stars Jenny said it had gotten in a recent review in the _Arkansas Democrat Gazette_. It was also a welcome oasis from the noise and intrusions of the concert and its aftermath.

At least until two young women, giggling and egging each other on, came up and asked Miley to sign their napkins. Which were cloth, and property of the restaurant, Lilly thought, annoyed. But she kept quiet while Miley scrawled her name on the napkins and chatted with the two girls, who, it turned out, had been at the concert two nights ago. Finally, they were left in peace and Miley immediately started in on her steak again. Performing in front of a large crowd made her ravenous.

"You have _got_ to try some of this, Lilly," Miley said. "I don't know what they put in this marinade, but it is awesome."

"Uh huh," Lilly agreed absently. She was watching those two girls. They'd been stopped by the people three tables over, who obviously wanted to know who Miley was and why the women had wanted her autograph. It seemed to happen in slow-motion: she could clearly see the words Hannah Montana form on one girl's lips, followed by a ripple effect as people at the tables around her heard and repeated the information so that it spread across the restaurant faster than Lilly could follow.

Lilly rarely cursed, but right now there was a string of words running through her mind that would have made an entire ship of sailors blush. "What?" Miley asked, seeing the look on her face and hastily swallowing her food.

"Incoming," Lilly said, and Miley glanced around, obviously not comprehending what had gotten Lilly upset until she noticed that an awful lot of people were simultaneously pushing back their chairs, and they all seemed to be looking at her.

"Shit," Miley said, which was about where Lilly's assessment of the situation had ended up. They really had to stop going to trendy restaurants. Next time, they were going to a hole-in-the-wall that only had four tables and made most of their money off their early bird special. _And_ they were taking the bodyguards.

In another few seconds, their table was swamped. Hands thrust out pens and napkins, scraps of paper or little steno notepads. One woman had a leather-bound autograph book, and Lilly saw her neighbor eyeing it with envy. Another woman had wormed through the crowd and was up next to Miley, trying to convince Miley to sign across her stomach on the white blouse she was wearing.

Lilly poked at her rapidly cooling halibut, appetite lost. She really hated it when mob mentality kicked in. It was even worse than the constant string of people coming up in ones and twos, and this wasn't fair. It wasn't how tonight was supposed to go. She felt a stab of satisfaction as she saw Miley struggle to hide her annoyance over the fact that everyone kept calling her Hannah, then immediately felt guilty. This wasn't Miley's fault.

Someone bumped into the table as they were jockeying for position and knocked over Lilly's water. It soaked into the tablecloth and some of it splashed up on her plate, leaving the pineapple rice swimming in a puddle. Enough, Lilly thought, feeling like she wanted to scream. Thankfully, the manager came hurrying up before she did, half the wait staff in tow. They managed to disperse most of the crowd and form loose circle around the table to prevent anyone from getting through.

"I am so sorry, Miss Montana," the manager said with that obsequious tone of voice that three weeks ago had made Lilly laugh but now just made her hate him. "We didn't realize...Perhaps you'd like to make use of our private dining room? We have a party scheduled in there later this evening, but it would be no problem to make them wait."

Miley shot a look at Lilly, who shook her head slightly. She just wanted to get out of here. "Thank you, but I think we'll just be going."

"Of course, of course," the manager said, actually _bowing_ a little, which sort of made Lilly want to strangle him. "I'll notify your driver. And of course dinner is on us. Would you like it wrapped to go?" Lilly looked down at the drenched rice. It'd be kinda hard to wrap that to go, she thought.

"No, thank you," Miley told him, probably realizing that Lilly was minutes away from cracking and if they had to wait on the food she might have a meltdown in the middle of the restaurant. Miley stood and Lilly followed suit, keeping her eyes trained on the floor as the manager ushered them out the door with another apology and an entreaty to return. If she saw all those people watching them she was going to explode.

They made it into the car and as soon as the door shut behind them Lilly did scream, finally letting out some of her frustration and tension in one short, sharp burst.

"You okay?" Miley asked quietly.

Lilly looked over at her and found Miley looking back at her, worried. "Yeah," she said. "I'm sorry. It's just...sometimes I feel like there are a million other people in this relationship."

Understanding gleamed in Miley's eyes. "I know. I'm sorry, frog." She slid across the leather seat and pulled Lilly against her, both of them getting thrown back against the seat as the car started to move.

"It's okay," Lilly said. "It's not your fault, and usually it doesn't get to me this much. I'm just mad because it's been happening so much and I have to leave tomorrow and I wanted you all to myself and then all this happened. And then I start wondering if this is what our whole lives are going to be like from now on, and we'll never be able to go anywhere or do anything without – " She let out an inarticulate grunt of frustration and smushed her face into Miley's shoulder, balling her hands in Miley's shirt. For a moment they just breathed together in silence.

"Do you want me to quit?" Miley asked. "If I walk away now, this will die down in a few years, like last time."

Lilly thought about it. It was the first time she'd seriously considered the question instead of dismissing it out of hand as soon as Miley asked. The car turned right, pushing Lilly closer against Miley. She could hear Miley's heartbeat in her ear, calm and steady, completely willing to do whatever Lilly asked.

No, Lilly decided. She couldn't do that to Miley. If Miley ever really wanted to walk away from this, Lilly would support her, but she couldn't ask Miley to give it up. Not for her.

"No," Lilly said. "I don't want you to quit. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy," Miley said. "As long as I have you."

Lilly laughed, shoving gently at Miley and sitting up. "You know what I mean."

"I know what you mean," Miley said, catching one of Lilly's hands in both of hers. "And I meant what I said."

Lilly laid her free hand along Miley's cheek. "Don't quit," she said seriously. "But next time I visit, we're going straight back to the hotel after the last concert and ordering room service."

Miley turned her head and placed a kiss on Lilly's palm, sending shivers up her arm and down her spine. "You got it."

———————————————

The alarm on Lilly's cell phone hadn't gone off yet but Miley was awake already. They both were. In fact, they hadn't really slept much at all.

Lilly stood by the window, peeking out at the slowly lightening sky. She was holding the curtains closed below eye-level because she was currently stark naked. "I don't want to go back," she complained idly. She'd said the same thing at least thirty times in the past few hours.

Miley sighed and turned over in the bed, sheets twisting around her legs. "I know, but you have to. And think of all the things you'll be leaving behind: the cramped tour bus, the greasy fast food lunches, the throngs of screaming fans."

"You," Lilly said, abandoning the view of early morning traffic to glance over her shoulder at Miley.

"Come back to bed," Miley ordered. She waited for Lilly to comply and wrapped the blankets around both of them, trapping Lilly against her. "It'll be okay. It's not forever."

"Thanksgiving is three months away, Miley," Lilly pointed out. "We were only apart for two this time, and already it was..."

"I know."

"I knew it would be hard with you on tour," Lilly said. "I just didn't know it would be this hard."

Miley kissed the edge of her eyebrow. "Sure you don't want me to quit?"

"No. But maybe I should."

"What?" Miley asked, loosening the cocoon of blankets and propping herself up on an elbow.

"Maybe I should quit." Excited, Lilly sat up cross-legged, the blankets falling off the upper half of her body. "I could take a year off school and come with you."

"No," Miley said. "No way. You've been working yourself to the bone the past two years so that you could graduate by the end of this year – "

"So?" Lilly said. "It's not as important as – "

"No, Lilly," Miley said firmly. "If I'm not quitting, you're not quitting. You aren't putting your life on hold for a year just because of me."

"But I don't want to go back," Lilly pouted.

"I know." Miley laid her head on Lilly's blanket-covered knee. "But you have to." Lilly's hand settled on the crown of her head, and for a few minutes they stayed like that and Miley could pretend Lilly didn't have to fly back to Seattle today.

"And, hey, we've still got a little time," Miley said after a while. She moved her hand under the blanket and ran it lightly up Lilly's shin. Stubble prickled at her fingers. "You need to shave."

"Boy, you really know how to sweet talk a girl, there, Stewart," Lilly said dryly.

Miley got to her hands and knees and hovered with her mouth a centimeter away from Lilly's. "We don't have time for sweet talk, Truscott," she said, proceeding to devour Lilly's mouth with her own. She pushed Lilly back onto the bed and moved over her, working her way down Lilly's throat and chest. Just before she reached Lilly's breasts, the alarm went off.

Lilly groaned in frustration. "We should get up," she said. "We need to get in the shower now so I don't miss my flight."

"Five more minutes," Miley mumbled, mouthing at the underside of Lilly's breast, and Lilly laughed.

"There's that sweet talk again."

"You only need sweet talk to get the girl _into_ bed," Miley told her. Her hand trailed up Lilly's thigh and across the wet flesh between her legs. Lilly gasped and arched under her. "I've already got you right where I want you."

"Okay," Lilly panted. "Five more minutes."

———————————————

Her luggage had already been taken from the trunk and stacked on one of the rolling carts by the towncar's driver, who was now waiting next to the cart none-too-patiently. Lilly tried to slide across the backseat and get out of the car but Miley's arms were wrapped tight around her waist and the other girl wasn't budging.

"I don't want you to go," Miley whined, pulling Lilly more firmly against her.

Lilly dropped her head back, banging it a little on Miley's shoulder. "I know, but I have to." She paused a beat. "Hey, how did I end up having to be the sensible one?"

Miley chuckled. "Well, you can't expect me to be it _all_ the time."

"I suppose." Lilly reveled in their embrace for a moment and then hmmed thoughtfully. "As the sensible one, I have to point out that we're already twenty minutes late getting here, so I really should go check-in."

Miley's arms tightened around her. "As the unsensible one, I have to say not yet."

"My offer to quit is still on the table."

"So's mine," Miley said.

Lilly stroked Miley's denim-covered thigh just above her knee. "I have to go, don't I?" she asked.

"Yeah," Miley sighed. She loosened her arms and let Lilly sit up, watching her closely as she straightened her shirt and patted hair back into place. "Lilly?"

"What?"

"If – if this does get too hard, you'll tell me, right?" Miley asked hesitantly. "I mean, you're way more important to me than any of this, you know that, don't you? So if it gets to be too much, you just say the word and I'll – "

"Miley," Lilly said, stopping her with fingers over her lips. "I know. It'll be all right. We'll talk all the time, and we'll both be so busy that three months will just fly by and before you know it it'll be Thanksgiving and I'll be waiting for you up at the cabin."

Miley took Lilly's hand in both of hers, cradling it in her lap and lightly tracing over Lilly's palm with her thumbs. "Promise?"

She wouldn't look up, so Lilly used her other hand to tilt Miley's chin up so she could kiss her. "Promise." They shared another kiss before Lilly reclaimed her hand and reached for the door handle. "I have to go now."

Miley nodded. "I love you."

"I love you, too." She opened the door and got out, then ducked her head back inside. "Three months. We can do that." But Miley's smile was worried, and Lilly wasn't as sure as she made herself sound.

———————————————

**Just fyi, the next eight days are going to be hell for me in terms of the amount of work I have to get done. I don't think it will affect updates but that possibility does exist, so consider this your advance warning.**


	16. Then It Overflows

**So, um, I was going to have this up on time...and then I forgot today was Friday. I may have misplaced my brain at some point during the week. Also, is it bad that when I turn in one of my final projects, I plan to ask the professor for the raw data the other groups used so I can analyze them for fun over Christmas? **_**I am such a geek omg**_**.**

**I have to apologize because I don't have the time (or, frankly, the mental capacity – I **_**forgot it was Friday**_**) to reply to you guys individually like I should. I am a terrible person. But please know that I am extremely grateful for all of the comments and you taking the time to make them since I'm sure some of you are just as busy as I am.**

**I don't even know with this chapter, y'all. It's kind of short, too. Sorry. Oh, and I'll preface this by saying that I disagree with their decision to make Miley (S.)'s birthday the same as Miley (C.)'s and I won't be adhering to it. Although I seriously doubt enough thought went into it for it to qualify as a decision. But it still pisses me off on multiple levels, and since this whole verse pretty much exists because I got pissed off, we're gonna go with what I say.**

———————————————

**Chapter Sixteen: Then It Overflows**

———————————————

_you don't know just how much I miss you  
__yeah my stomach aches in your absence  
__I don't know what I'd do without you  
cause I'd have no one to follow_

- Sun Kil Moon, _Lily and Parrots_

———————————————

**September – mid-October 2013**

_You have one new message. Message one, Monday, September 02, 4:05 p.m.:_

Hey, I'm just about to go on and I thought I'd call you but I guess you're still in class. Or are you at the skatepark already? Stupid time difference. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you and I miss you more than I can say. I hope you're having a good day and your classes aren't too bad. Love you, frog.

_End of new messages. To delete this message press seven. To re – Message deleted._

———————————————

_You have one new message. Message one, Monday, September 02, 6:29 p.m.:_

I can't believe I missed your call. Today has just been horrible, I don't even want to talk about it, and then to top it off Anderson kept us twenty minutes late today, which he has a lot of nerve doing since he was almost fifteen minutes late to class. Like, okay, we have a certain amount of material to cover, I get that, but if he can't be bothered to show up on time I don't see why _we_ should have to pay the price for that. I don't know what it is that makes professors think they're god's gift to the lowly students like we don't have lives of our own or things to do outside of their class. Like other classes, and some of us have _jobs_.

Oh, and guess what happened this morning? The toaster oven totally blew up. Well, not really blew up, but it caught on fire, and don't worry, I'm fine, the house is fine and really I think the most important thing to note here is that this was in _no way my fault_. Stop laughing. I know you're laughing and you can just stop. I mean it, Miley. All I did was put a bagel in there and turn it on just like I do every morning and like ten seconds later it was smoking and it smelled like plastic burning so I have no idea what went wrong but then I couldn't remember where we put the fire extinguisher and I had to run around looking in all the cabinets and did you tell me that you put it in the laundry room? Because I don't think you did. Anyway, so that made me late to my morning class – I guess maybe I shouldn't be so hard on Anderson, who knows, maybe his toaster blew up too, it could happen – and so Iishi yelled at me when I came in late.

And now I have the charred remains of the toaster oven to deal with when I finally get home, who knows when that will be or when I'll have time to go buy a new one. I'm on my way to the skatepark right now and I told Todd I'd cover his shift since his anniversary is tonight, which means I have to stay and lock up, but it should be quiet tonight so at least I can get some studying done.

I hope the show went well. I know you killed because you're just that good. Love you and I'll try to call later in between speech homework and state government if it's not too late out there in Memphis.

_End of new messages. To delete this message press seven. To repeat this message press – Message saved._

———————————————

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 10:33 AM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: omg toaster!!!**

omg i cant blve u snt me a toaster!! howd u get it here so fast?! ily xoxoxoxo!

-

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 8:37 AM  
From: Miley  
Subject: re:omg toaster!!!**

was nthing ddnt wnt u 2 miss bfast. most imp meal of the day!! esp 4 u haha j/k. ly2.

-

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 10:48 AM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: re:re:omg toaster!!**

geez jst b/c i got cranky 1 TIME whn i missed bkfst...

-

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 9:04 AM  
From: Miley  
Subject: re:re:re:omg toaste**

u call that cranky?!? rmind me nvr 2 get u angry :p

-

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 11:26 PM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: re:re:re:re:omg toa**

ur 1 2 tlk miss god 4bid i get wokn up b4 10 am...

-

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 9:52 AM  
From: Miley  
Subject: re:re:re:re:re:omg**

dork.

-

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 12:31 PM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: re:re:re:re:re:re:o**

freak.

-

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 11:19 AM  
From: Miley  
Subject: re:re:re:re:re:re:r**

frog.

-

**1 new text message.  
09/03/2013 2:07 PM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: re:re:re:re:re:re:r**

toad.

———————————————

_You have six new messages. Message one, Thursday, September 05, 7:32 p.m.:_

We keep missing each other! Sorry, toad, I meant to call you back yesterday but I had that stupid French paper and I was up all night, seriously, I have never drunk so much coffee before in my life. You'd be proud of me, especially since around four a.m. I got so impatient with the time it was taking to brew that I just started gulping it down as soon as it was ready. But I don't recommend that because I burned my tongue. It still hurts. Shut up.

And then I was going to call this morning but as soon as I got back from class and turning in the paper I completely crashed. I didn't even make it upstairs, I fell asleep on the couch and didn't wake up until an hour ago and I'm supposed to be at work in thirty minutes but I called in sick because I am still totally wiped out. It's pathetic, I used to pull all-nighters all the time when I was a freshman. I guess we're getting old. Some more than others, but I won't name any names, _Miley_.

Oh, I heard from Kyle today and you can finally rest easy: Joel has a girlfriend. Her name is Brittany, and Kyle says she's "only, like, the most popular girl in the whole school." Between you and me, I think he's a little jealous of her. He said he hasn't seen much of Joel since they got together. Gave me flashbacks to the whole Lucas thing, and let me tell you after listening to Kyle complain for twenty minutes I have a new appreciation for how hard it must have been for you to be deprived of my glorious presence for nine days. You can feel free to imagine a single tear artistically making its way down my face as I think about it.

Judging from the frowny face he sent me, Kyle was also upset when I told him we're not coming down to Malibu for Christmas this year. Not half as upset as my mom is, though. I hope you were sitting down for that because I'm sure you're shocked senseless. Are you still planning to add those two concerts in New York over New Year's? I might go back to Malibu then, we'll talk about it later.

I'm glad everything's going well in Nashville and you got to see Mamaw. You're going to see Aunt Dolly next week, right? It's good you're in Nashville for a while. You need a break from the bus. Actually, you need a break from everything. Tell Jenny you don't need to rehearse – which you don't, you're already perfect – and go back to Mamaw's for a while. And make sure she feeds you! I don't want skin and bones showing up for Thanksgiving.

Love you.

_End of message one. To del – Message saved._

———————————————

_You have three new messages. Message one, Friday, September 06, 12:17 p.m.:_

Lillian, it's your mother. This is the fifth message I've left. Please call me back as soon as you get this.

_End of message one. To delete this message press seven. To repeat th – Message deleted. Message two, Friday, September 06, 2:58 p.m.:_

Someone's got a pretty high opinion of herself. For the record, I was _not_ jealous of Lucas.

...Okay, fine. I was a little jealous. And I miss your glorious presence more and more every day.

Mamaw insisted on having everyone out to the farm for lunch, so we just made it back to Nashville, and made it in one piece, though it was a close call when Mike and Pete decided they wanted to kick it up a notch and see just how fast these buses can really go. Turns out they do a hundred and ten no problem. That was a _joke_, you know they're very safe drivers and they always obey the speed limit, so there's no need for you to fly out here and scare them straight.

On second thought, there is a need for you to fly out here, but it doesn't have anything to do with Mike and Pete.

It's good you got that paper turned in but knock off the all-nighters, okay? It's a well-known fact that frogs need their rest, so get yours. That's an order, old lady.

Okay, Jenny's giving me the evil eye, which I guess means I need to put down the phone and pick up a guitar. We pushed rehearsal late because of lunch so we're on kind of a tight schedule.

I love you.

_End of message two. To de – Message deleted. Message three, Friday, September 06, 6:21 p.m.:_

Lillygoat, please call your mother. She needs your advice on a time-sensitive matter and she's driving me crazy until she gets it. Save your poor, old dad from this torment, would you? Thanks, sweetie.

_End of new messages. To delete this mess – Message deleted._

———————————————

_You have sixteen new messages. Message one, Monday, September 09, 10:06 a.m.:_

Mi –

_Message two, Monday, September 09, 10:38 a.m.:_

Hi, bud –

_Message three, Monday, September 09, 11:42 a.m.:_

We need to –

_Message four, Monday, September 09, 12:18 p.m.:_

Hap –

_Message five, Monday, September 09, 12:27 p.m.:_

Hey, Miles –

_Message six, Monday, September 09, 2:53 p.m.:_

Diana said –

_Message seven, Monday, September 09, 3:15 p.m.:_

Miley fucking Stewart how the fucking fuck –

_Message eight, Monday, September 09, 4:24 p.m.:_

Hey, Miley, I hope Jackson called, I reminded him –

_Message nine, Monday, September 09, 5:01 p.m.:_

Come on, Miley, pick up. Don't think you can get out of this by not answering your phone. I'll do it over voicemail. I have to leave for class soon, but call me if you get this in the next ten minutes. I love you and happy birthday!

_End of message nine. To de – Message saved. Message ten, Monday, September 09, 5:49 p.m.:_

How can my granddaughter possibly –

_Message eleven, Monday, September 09, 7:36 p.m.:_

Miley, darling –

_Message twelve, Monday, September 09, 7:57 p.m.:_

Miley –

_Message thirteen, Monday, September 09, 8:22 p.m.:_

Happy birthday to the marv –

_Message fourteen, Monday, September 09,__8:51 p.m.:_

Okay, so I wanted to inflict this on you live and in-person, well, not really in-person, but you know what I mean. But I've been calling all day and not getting through and I have to go into my exam in a few minutes and by the time I get out you'll probably be asleep. I know it's going to be torture, but you have to listen to this through one time, all right? There's a secret message at the end, so don't delete this until you've heard the whole thing.

Are you ready? Brace yourself.

_Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday to you,  
Happy birthday dear Miiiiiiiiley,  
Happy birthday to you!_

And that concludes my singing for another year. I can hear you sighing in relief. And here's the secret message, for being so good and sitting through that: Jenny has your present. She's been instructed not to give it to you until you ask, so go ask! Happy birthday, toad. I hope you're having a good one. I love you.

_End of message fourteen. To delete th – Message fourteen, Monday, September 09, 8:51 p.m.:_

Okay, so I wanted to inflict this on you live and in-person, well, not really in-person, but you know what I mean. But I've been calling all day...

———————————————

**Seattle, WA, Tuesday, September 10, 1:11 p.m.**

Lilly wove her way around some of the slower-moving students, trying not to run into them while she pulled up Miley's number on her cell phone. It was a long shot that Miley would actually pick up, because Miley was probably rehearsing or doing an interview or something right now, but she was running a little early for class and it was the first chance she'd had today. And she still felt bad that she hadn't gotten to talk to Miley at all on her birthday.

"Hey," Miley said in her ear, surprising Lilly so much she almost tripped.

"Hey! I didn't think you'd pick up!"

"Uh huh," Miley said. "I see how it is. You don't call to talk to me anymore, just my voicemail. Admit it, it's the phone you're really in love with, isn't it?"

"Oh yeah, you know what handheld electronic devices do to me," Lilly said in her best cheesy-seductive voice. Miley sputtered out a laugh and the three people closest to her on the sidewalk all turned startled looks on her, and Lilly felt her face go bright red as she realized what she'd just said. "Uh..."

"Something you want to tell me about, darlin'?" Miley asked, sounding way too amused. "In detail?"

"Okay, that came out wrong," Lilly said, speeding up a little so she'd lose her audience.

"Ya think?"

"You started it!" Lilly accused, but Miley just laughed. "_Anyway_...I was just calling because I missed you yesterday."

"Yeah, sorry about that," Miley said. "The schedule was so packed I didn't even get to check my messages until I got back to the hotel room, which wasn't until almost two since Jenny and the guys threw me a little surprise party after the concert."

"Aww," Lilly said. "She didn't tell me they were gonna do that. I'm glad you got to celebrate. Did you have cake?"

"Yep. Chocolate. It was really nice of them to do, but I would've liked to have gotten a chance to call and talk to you."

"Well, you're talking to me now," Lilly said gamely.

"Yeah," Miley said. "And it's making my day, but aren't you supposed to be in class right now?"

"In a couple minutes," Lilly told her, taking a seat on one of the benches outside the building her class was in. "Hey, guess what? I'm going to start doing my law school applications tomorrow."

"Already?"

"No, not already. I think I should have started as soon as I got back. I know I need to go ahead and ask professors for recommendations so they have enough time to write them, and I'm applying to a bunch of schools so it's going to take forever. I mean, of course UCLA is my first choice – "

"Whoa, whoa, what do you mean of course UCLA is your first choice?" Miley said.

"Well, you know...I just thought it would be easier for you if we're back down in Malibu," Lilly explained. "You know, more people to work with, better places to record..."

"Hey, I built a studio once, remember?" Miley said. "I can do it again. And I can practically mix and produce a whole album now since Jerry and D.G. taught me so much I don't even need them anymore."

"I'm going to tell them you said that," Lilly threatened.

"Just pick where you want to go, Lilly," Miley said. "Where _you_ want to go."

"I_ do_ want to go to UCLA," Lilly insisted. "Really. It's a great school. But I'm applying to other places in case I don't get in."

"How many other places?"

"I haven't decided yet," Lilly hedged. "Six or seven? I'll email you a list when I figure it out."

"Six or seven?" Miley said doubtfully. "Are you sure you can do that many applications on top of your classes and work?"

"That's why I'm starting tomorrow." She glanced at her watch. Class had started three minutes ago. "Uh...and that's when I'll have to call you again, too. I'm late for class. Oh, wait! I forgot to tell you about what happened with my mom, it was great."

"Tell me next time," Miley said. "Get to class!"

"I'm going, I'm going," Lilly said, though she hadn't moved off the bench. "I love you."

"Love you back," Miley said, and Lilly would be late to class every day if it meant she got to hear that.

———————————————

_You have two new messages. Message one, Wednesday, September 11, 4:12 p.m.:_

So I printed off all my law school applications after class yesterday and I'm going to start asking for recommendations today. Actually I'm waiting outside Anderson's office right now to ask him. He's supposed have office hours from two to four, but he's not here. Big surprise.

I sent you an email with all the schools I'm applying to. I know it looks like a lot, but I'm not taking any chances with not getting in _somewhere_. I'm doing UCLA first, though, because I decided to apply early admission.

Oh, I got this long message from Kyle today – Wait, here comes Anderson, gotta go. Remind me to tell you about what happened with my mom.

Love you, bye!

_End of message one. To de – Message saved. Message two, Wednesday, September 11, 6:43 p.m.:_

———————————————

_You have four new messages. Message one, Saturday, September 14, 8:50 a.m.:_

Yo, Lilly, it's Todd. Are you up yet? So it looks like that bitch Gus flaked out on me again, and it's going to be busy as crap today. Any chance you can cover for him? I'm going to call back every ten minutes until you answer.

_End of message one. To d – Message deleted. Message two, Saturday, September 14, 8:59 a.m.:_

Every ten minutes, Lilly. I'm desperate over here.

_End of message two. To dele – Message deleted. Message three, Saturday, September 14, 7:37 p.m.:_

I feel like I haven't slept in a week. I'm about to turn in early, but I just realized you left me a message like three days ago and another one two days ago and I never called you back. I suck. And you definitely have to remember to tell me what all the mama drama was about, although with your mother I'm almost scared to ask.

I hope you're not studying right now. It's Saturday. Take a break before you keel over from exhaustion. I know, I know, I'm one to talk. That's why I'm going to bed now.

Oh, yeah, did I mention I love you?

_End of message three. To – Message deleted. Message four, Saturday, September 14, 9:25 p.m.:_

Who the fuck is this Lilly person and why is she recording your voicemail message? I swear to god, Jimmy, if you're cheating on me again I'm going to – oh, wait. Shit, sorry, wrong number. Um, like, have a nice night or whatever, okay? Sorry about that.

_End of new messages. To – Message deleted._

———————————————

**St. Louis, MO, Tuesday, September 17, 11:56 p.m.**

The phone rang just as Miley got into her room and collapsed on the bed. I'm not answering that, she thought, but nevertheless pulled herself back up and stumbled over to where she'd slung her jacket across the back of the hotel chair set next to the little one-person table. When she fished the phone out and saw who was calling, she was glad she'd made the effort.

"Lilly," she said happily into the phone.

"Ah, the elusive Miley Stewart," came Lilly's teasing voice. "I was starting to think I'd never get to talk to you again."

"I know, I'm sorry," Miley apologized. "It's just been so crazy. I never should have promised Diana I'd do more local promotions if I didn't have to do national, she's got Jenny booking me on every two-bit early morning show and drive-time talk show we come across. Anyway, you're not so easy to get a hold of yourself."

"I know," Lilly groaned. "Between classes and work and these stupid law school applications I feel like I barely have time to breathe. Oh, and did I tell you that Todd wants me to enter into this skateboard competition next weekend?"

"No!" Miley said, thudding down to sit in the chair. This was what she hated, not only not getting to see Lilly, but missing out on what was going on in her life. As much as she treasured Lilly's lengthy voicemail messages and listened to them over and over, inevitably some things fell through the cracks. "Are you going to do it?"

"Yeah, I think so. Jackson and Sarah said they might come up to watch me and stay for a few days."

"Good." Miley swallowed. "I'm sorry I can't be there. I really want to – "

"Miley, don't worry about it," Lilly chided. "It's not a big deal. They're only coming up because it's Sarah's fall break and Jackson has some sick days saved."

"Still..."

"Please don't feel bad about this," Lilly pleaded. "It's nothing. You being gone is hard enough without both of us getting upset over every little thing we miss."

"Want me to quit?" Miley asked, half-joking and half-hoping.

Lilly sighed. "Miley..."

"All right, I'll stop," Miley relented. She rubbed at her eyes with her free hand. The momentary lift to her spirits that had come when she first answered the phone was gone and now she just felt tired. "Let's talk about something else. How are the applications coming?"

"Way too slowly. I think I might have to quit working at the skatepark."

"What? But you love working there!" Miley stood, clamping the phone to her ear with her shoulder, and grabbed her pajamas out of the dresser. They'd been here long enough that she'd semi-unpacked, mostly just shoving things in drawers so she didn't leave them strewn around the room in the way of the maids.

"I know, but I want to get these done before Christmas so I'm not trying to work while I'm on tour with you or we're in Tennessee. And, anyway, next term my – " Miley dropped the phone on the bed for a second so she could pull her shirt over her head. " – so crazy I'd probably have to quit then."

"Uh huh," Miley said noncommittally. She unhooked her bra and shrugged out of it and into the pajama top, switching the phone from one ear to the other and then back as she did so. Wedging it against her shoulder again, she started buttoning up the shirt. "Why don't you just cut down the number of applications? I mean, you're applying to eight schools, that's a lot."

The line was quiet for a moment. Then Lilly said, "Miley, we've talked about this, I don't – "

"Just apply to UCLA," Miley interrupted impatiently. "If that's where you really want to go. You'll get in." UCLA was ranked sixteenth, not first for god's sake, and Lilly had gotten a one seventy-six on her LSATs. And she was applying early admission. There was no way she wouldn't get in.

"You don't know that!" Lilly argued. "I can't just apply to one school, Miley, I'll be totally screwed if – "

"All right, I get it," Miley said, regretting starting this conversation. She undid her jeans and tugged them off, pulling on the pajama bottoms in their place. "Look, can we not have this discussion again right now? This is the first time we've talked to each other in a week, I don't want to spend it – "

"Fine," Lilly said, but Miley could still hear annoyance in her voice. "Why don't you tell me how the tour's going?"

She didn't even want to think about the tour, let alone describe it in any detail. "No, tell me about that stuff with your mom instead." Hitting the light switch, she felt her way back across the room and got into bed, stretching out with relief. Today had been a long day and she hadn't even had a concert.

"Oh, that," Lilly said. She sounded much happier, and Miley congratulated herself on finding a safe topic. "So she keeps leaving me voicemail messages for like three days, right? And she wants me to call her back, but you know, I never got the chance, and then my dad leaves me a message practically begging me to call her because she's driving him insane, so I finally call back and guess what the whole thing's about?"

"What?" Miley asked, trying not to yawn.

Lilly delivered the punchline with satisfaction. "Your birthday present."

Miley pulled the phone from her head and looked at it in consternation before putting it back to her ear. "Girlfriend say what?"

"I _know_," Lilly laughed. "Can you believe that? She wanted to check and make sure the present was okay and then I had to tell her how to get it to you. You're going to have to wait until Chicago to get it, though. I told her to send it to the hotel there because I wanted to make sure it would get somewhere before you and you wouldn't miss it. "

"Why is she even getting me a present?" Miley asked. "I thought she still hated me."

"Oh, come on, she hasn't hated you for years now."

"Maybe not _hated_ me," Miley allowed. "But I've never rated a present before. I mean, why now?"

"Wel-l-l-l," Lilly drawled. "It might have something to do with the fact that I told her I'll probably go to UCLA so we can be back in L.A. to make it easier on you."

Miley laughed. "You didn't."

"Well, she still blames you for us moving to Seattle," Lilly defended herself. "I figured it was only fair you get the credit for moving us back."

"When really you're responsible for both."

"That's not true!" Lilly insisted. "One of the main reasons I want to go to UCLA is because it'll be better for you to be in L.A."

"You know I don't care about that," Miley said softly. "I can work anywhere, I'll go wherever you need."

"I know," Lilly answered, just as soft. "I'm applying to other places, aren't I?"

"Yeah."

"And I hate to say it, but I need to go work on one of those right now for a little while before I start in on mass media."

"It's okay," Miley said. "I'm in bed already anyway."

"Miley!" Lilly yelped. "Why didn't you tell me? I would have let you sleep instead of going on and on forever."

"Because I'd much rather talk to you than sleep," Miley said sweetly.

"I'm sure," Lilly said dryly. "You're getting mush all over my law school application, so I'm gonna hang up now."

Miley's jaw creaked as she yawned. "'kay. Good luck with it."

"Thanks. Let's try not to go so long before we talk again, okay? It's not so good for my sanity."

Miley chuckled. "Yeah, mine either."

"Sleep well, toad," Lilly said. "I love you."

"Love you, too, frog. Night." Miley hit the disconnect button and put the phone on the table by the bed. She closed her eyes and waited for sleep to overtake her, but as was too often the case these days it refused to come even though she was exhausted. Tossing and turning for several minutes, she finally gave up and picked up the phone again.

_You have no new messages. Message one,_ _Monday, August 30, 7:29 p.m.:_

I can't believe I missed your call. Today has just been horrible, I don't even want to talk about it, and then to top it off...

———————————————

**1 new text message.  
09/18/2013 11:19 AM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: help**

4got 2 ask u last nite - want 2 make bst grn beans evr 4 j&s. how?

-

**1 new text message.  
09/19/2013 04:45 PM  
From: Miley  
Subject: re: help**

well u start w/ chkn stock...

-

**1 new text message.  
09/20/2013 12:02 PM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: re:re: help**

!?! south is only plc whr vegs rnt safe 4 vegs!

-

**1 new text message.  
09/21/2013 10:33 AM  
From: Miley  
Subject: re:re:re: help**

& ca is only plc whr "meat" is. get tkout. safer thn ur cookn nyway haha.

-

**1 new text message.  
09/21/2013 5:08 PM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: re:re:re:re: help**

FUNNY. u shd stp sngng & do stndup instd.

-

**1 new text message.  
09/22/2013 2:27 PM  
From: Miley  
Subject: re:re:re:re:re: hel**

luv u! mean it!

———————————————

_You have three new messages. Message one, Saturday, September 28, 8:08 a.m.:_

Your mom and I wish you luck, baby. Call us and let us know how it goes.

_End of message one. To delete this me– Message deleted. Message two, Saturday, September 28, 8:23 a.m.:_

Hey, babe, knock 'em dead. I know you will. Sorry I can't be there. I'm cheering for you from here. Love you.

_End of message two. To dele – Message deleted. Message three, Saturday, September 28, 9:16 a.m.:_

LILLY! LILLY! LILLY! WHOOOO! Dude, that was awesome, right? It was, like, everyone here in detention, I told them about you. Me and Sam say good luck, and Joel would too if he could stop sucking face with Brittany long enough get the words out. Or, you know, _breathe_. Fuck, here comes the teacher. Later, dude. Kick some ass!

_End of new messages. To delete this – Message saved. _

———————————————

**1 new text message.  
09/28/2013 6:20 PM  
From: Lilly  
Subject:**

landed swch kckflp frside brdslde!!! plcd 2nd!! & got 93 on gov exam!!

-

**1 new text message.  
09/28/2013 5:55 PM  
From: Miley  
Subject: re:**

dont no wht trick is but u rock!!!

-

**1 new text message.  
09/29/2013 11:19 AM  
From: Lilly  
Subject: re:re:**

yea like i dont no tht alrdy.

———————————————

_You have two new messages. Message one, Thursday, October 03, 3:10 p.m.:_

Well, I quit yesterday. Todd was pissed, not really pissed, but disappointed. He wanted me to start training for real for some of the competitions since I got second in that one, but I just don't have time. I told him he could keep me on the list and call me if he needs someone to cover a shift occasionally, but at this point I don't even know how much I'll be going out there to skate anymore because this term is going to kill me. Remind me again why I didn't put this off for a year and go on the tour with you? And please don't tell me law school will be worse.

Oh, my mom won't stop talking about the thank-you note you sent. _Major_ points scored on that one, toad. She keeps going on and on and on about how she thought our generation didn't have any manners, and what a pleasant surprise, blah blah blah. Ben even texted me that she called and told him about it. He said, and I quote, "Tell Miley to stop making us look bad." I told him to quit whining and step up his game, it's not your fault he's so lazy. I bet in another year or two, you're totally going to be Mom's favorite, and I can't say that I blame her. You're my favorite, too.

I've got two exams and a paper due the beginning of next week, and another exam at the end of it, so I'm gonna keep this short. But call me when you get offstage if you get a chance and you aren't too tired. And tell Jenny if she keeps overworking you she'll have to deal with me. Then make up some threat about how they'll never find her body or something, okay? Put the fear of Lilly into her.

You guys are leaving for Indianapolis tomorrow, right? Did I tell you that I have a little map on the desk upstairs and every time you move someplace new I mark it? I know it's dorky, but it makes me feel better to keep track like that. I miss you.

Good luck on the drive tomorrow. Try to take it easy for once and don't let Jenny talk too much business. And no rehearsing! Read a book or play some cards.

All right, I've got to go work on that paper. Hope the show went well and I hear from you later. I love you so much. Bye.

_End of message one. To – Message saved. Message two, Thursday, October 03, 7:14 p.m.:_

Miley Stewart, this is your Mamaw. I have not heard from you since you left Nashville, which is unacceptable, young lady. Call me, and when you do be prepared to give me a list of things Lilly will and won't eat. I know Christmas is still a ways away, but you know how I like to get ready early. Jackson has promised to email me a list for Sarah by noon tomorrow. You don't want me thinking your brother is more responsible than you are, do you? I thought as much.

_End of new messages. To delete th– Message deleted._

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_You have one new message. Message one, Monday, October 07, 10:38 p.m.:_

Didn't we say we weren't going to let a week go by without talking to each other again? This is crazy.

I am so tired. Next time Jenny comes up with something else I have to do, I'm going to tie her up and stuff her in the luggage compartment.

I'm going to bed but you can call me later and wake me up if you want, I don't mind. Love you.

_End of new messages. To delete this message press – Message deleted. _

———————————————

...so that's what I told Jane, let me know if you want her to do something different.

_End of message six. To delete – Message deleted. Message seven, Tuesday, October 08, 9:41 p.m.:_

I miss you, toad.

_End of new messages. To delete this message – Message saved. Message one, Monday, September 02, 6:29 p.m.:_

I can't believe I missed your call. Today has just been horrible, I don't even want to talk about it...

-

**Evansville, IN, Tuesday, October 08, 2013**

Miley tossed and turned, the hotel sheets feeling clean and stiff against her legs. Usually listening to Lilly's old messages helped her fall asleep, but tonight not even the sound of Lilly's voice going on about papers and exams and the latest trick she'd pulled on her skateboard could relax her enough to drift off. It was that last message, the one she'd gotten tonight, that echoed through her mind, the longing in those four simple words swamping her with a wave of sorrow that no amount of cheerful, everyday chatter could chase away.

She sighed and hung up, cutting off Lilly's retelling of another chapter of the Joel and Brittany saga. The room was dark and she stared up towards a ceiling she couldn't see. This was too hard. It was too hard, she missed Lilly too much, and it was another month and a half until the tour took a break for Thanksgiving. The need to see Lilly overwhelmed her. It pressed down on her chest, so palpable and suffocating that she almost started to hyperventilate. Coughing, she sat up and took a drink of water from the cheap plastic hotel cup beside the bed.

Lilly had sounded so tired, so sad, almost desperate. What if _she_ thought this was too hard? What if she didn't think she could do this anymore, what if she –

No. She couldn't think about that.

Screw it, Miley decided. They were on the road again tomorrow morning for the last leg of the drive to Louisville, and she was supposed to do some local press tomorrow and Thursday, but that could be cancelled and her next concert wasn't until Friday night. It was the middle of the week and Lilly had classes and homework and applications, but screw it.

She was going home.

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**Yeah, idk. I got bored and was pressed for time.**

**Looks like there is a possibility the next chapter will go up Tuesday instead of Monday. I think you guys will like it, though. Or hate it. Or both. Fun!**

**Okay, back to work. Hope your weekends are better than mine's going to be.**


	17. Even If We Bend

**Guys! You guys! Why are you being so awesome when I have no time? Thank you so much for all of the reviews. Okay, very quickly some short notes and then I have to get back to work:**

**Several people mentioned the thing with Miley saving all Lilly's messages but Lilly not doing the same. Really nothing more was meant by that than Miley listens to them over again to help her sleep and Lilly doesn't. She saved the message from Kyle because, I don't know, it was funny and she will probably make Miley listen to it at some point.**

**theshadowswhisper: Hee. Don't kill me after this chapter, okay? Just keep reading.**

**Wannabe: Will have to respond at length later. I will write out my crackpot characterization theories when I get done with all this school crap, and then you'll be sorry you ever asked. Interesting point about Lilly in the last chapter; I hadn't noticed/thought about it like that. I will ponder that and get back to you. I also thought it was interesting it seemed to you Lilly loves Miley more. My immediate reaction was to say it's the other way around, but no, I don't think that's actually true. I think they just express it differently and I'll stop there because otherwise, **_**long**_**, and I need to get more work done tonight. Yes yes yes to Miley being fixated on the past. That will come up in this chapter! And other chapters as well! Fun times!**

**coffeeandcommunity: Sleep? What is this sleep you speak of? Today I forgot what **_**year**_** it was. Also, meant to say thanks for the book rec, I've added it to my list. At first I thought I had read it, but then I realized I was confusing it with **_**Annie On My Mind**_** (which, meh).**

**I'm guessing y'all have seen the **_**Fly on the Wall**_** video? I...was totally not expecting that. I mean, way to recontextualize the entire song and make me like it so much more! Awesome.**

**Right. Doing work and not failing. I am all over that, y'all.**

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**Chapter Seventeen: Even If We Bend**

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_If I lost you,  
The air wouldn't move, nor the tree grow.  
If I lost you,  
I'd have to ask the grass to let me sleep._

- Marvin Bell, "To Dorothy"

———————————————

**09 – 11 October 2013**

Lilly was late. Miley prowled around the house, which seemed strange and familiar at the same time. She hadn't been here in five months, and little things were different, off, like how Lilly had started keeping her skate magazines on the table in the kitchen instead of the coffeetable in the living room, or the way she'd moved the furniture around in the study. And a thick layer of dust coated the horizontal surfaces in most rooms, as though Lilly hadn't been there either, making the house seem even emptier.

They'd be selling this place soon. Miley thought about that – anything to keep from thinking about the fact that Lilly wasn't back yet – dragging her finger through the dust covering the desk in the study. Graduation was the second week of May, and they'd probably move immediately after, hopefully back to Malibu if Lilly got into UCLA. The tour ended mid-April, which meant that besides the next day and a half, Miley only had about a month left in this house.

The idea saddened her. This was the first house she and Lilly had lived in by themselves, the first place they'd lived as a couple. She'd be glad to be in Malibu again, but this place was special to her.

It was almost eight and Lilly still wasn't back. Miley thumped down the stairs into the living room. It had been dark for almost two hours now. She flopped down on the couch, but was too restless to sit still, so she leaned forward to straighten the remotes on the coffee table.

Why wasn't Lilly back yet? Her classes were over at three-thirty today, and she hardly ever went to the skatepark anymore. Miley knew she'd been studying at the library on campus a lot, but four and a half hours? And after dark? Miley frowned, not liking the idea of Lilly walking home alone in the dark on a regular basis. She should at least take the car if she was going to be out so late.

Her mind drifted back to the last voicemail Lilly had left her. She'd sounded so sad, so lonely. Maybe she'd decided this was too hard. Maybe she'd decided this wasn't worth it. Maybe she –

Miley jumped up to kill that thought, then ran upstairs to get her phone. She'd tried calling Lilly earlier, but she hadn't picked up. Sometimes she turned her phone off when she was in the library, though, or the battery could have died. There were a million reasons why Lilly might not answer, it didn't mean –

The phone went off in her hand. Lilly was calling. Relief overwhelmed her, making her knees weak, and Miley staggered the few steps to the bed. It took her a minute to be able to breathe again, to make her hands work well enough to answer the phone.

"The light's on," Lilly said.

"What?" Miley asked, so glad just to hear her voice that she couldn't force her brain to make sense of what Lilly was saying.

"The light's on," Lilly repeated. "I just got home, I'm standing outside the house, and the light's on. I _know_ I turned it off when I left this morning."

"Are you sure?" Miley said, grinning to herself. "You probably just left it on and forgot."

"I'm pretty sure," Lilly said. "Like, ninety percent. Do you think I should call the cops?"

Miley crept off the bed and into the hall, careful not to get in front of the window and show herself. She'd surprise Lilly yet. "It's probably nothing," she said. "Is the door still locked?" She snuck down the stairs and retreated to the back of the living room where Lilly wouldn't be able to hear her talking. The doorknob rattled behind her.

"Yeah, it's locked," Lilly said, sounding less worried.

"See?" Miley said. "Who's going to break in and then lock the door behind them? You just forgot and left a light on. Go on in, I'll stay on the line just in case, okay?"

"Okay," Lilly said. Keys jingled through the door and a second later the deadbolt slid back. "Thanks. I'm sure you're right, but – " The door opened and Lilly stepped through, looking down at the phone in her hand, no doubt perplexed because Miley had just hung up on her. Then she looked up and saw Miley standing across the room and she dropped the phone. "Miley?" she whispered.

"Surprise," Miley said, grinning so wide her mouth hurt.

Lilly sped across the room and slammed into Miley so hard Miley's phone went flying out of her hand and cracked into the wall. "Oof," Miley said, stumbling backwards and just barely keeping her balance under the force of Lilly's hug. She put her arms around Lilly the best she could considering Lilly was still wearing her bookbag and hugged back, her heart thudding with relief at how reassuringly solid Lilly was, how inarguably _there_. "I think you broke my phone. And possibly yours."

"I don't care," Lilly mumbled into Miley's shoulder. "We can get new phones." She pulled back and raised her head. "What are you _doing_ here? You have a concert – "

"Not until Friday," Miley said. "I made Jenny clear my schedule for a few days. I missed you too much. But I was starting to get worried, you're late getting back." She left out exactly how worried she'd been, and why.

"This is about the time I normally make it back," Lilly said, taking off her backpack and dropping it on the floor. "It's those stupid applications, plus I've got an exam tomorrow. But I would have been back sooner if I'd known you were here."

"I wanted to surprise you," Miley said. "And I've only been here like an hour."

Lilly made a noise in reply before leaning forward and kissing Miley, a kiss that didn't break until they both needed air.

Miley fiddled with the top button on Lilly's jacket and placed a light kiss on the end of her nose. "So you want to, uh, go upstairs and catch up?"

Lilly laughed. "And just what kind of catching up did you have in mind, Stewart?"

"Oh, I don't know," Miley said, leaning forward to nibble her way down Lilly's neck. "I was kinda thinkin' the kind where we're both naked and the only coherent speech we can form is some combination of 'god' and each other's names."

"Well, when you put it like that...," Lilly said. Miley undid the last of the buttons on Lilly's jacket and pushed her way past it and under Lilly's shirt, fingers hooking over the top of Lilly's jeans. "You know, we have a lot of catching up to do."

Miley nodded. "It could take all night."

And it did.

———————————————

Ghost tickles woke her. Lilly opened her eyes to see Miley grinning broadly down at her. "Morning," Lilly mumbled. The cozy warmth of the bed and luxurious feel of Miley's skin on hers combined to create a feeling of well-being that made Lilly more relaxed than she'd been in months. Sleep tugged at her and she resisted the urge to sink back into its embrace. "What're you doing up before me?"

"Good morning," Miley said, so cheerful that Lilly relinquished all hopes of snuggling together for a few more hours of rest. "I'm still on central time, I guess."

"Yeah, but even still, it can't be more than – " Lilly craned her neck to look at the clock on the wall. "Miley! It's nine o'clock? I have class in twenty minutes! Why didn't you wake me up?" Covers flew up and landed on Miley's head as Lilly leapt out of bed and started digging through her dresser for underwear and a bra.

Miley pulled the blankets off her head. Strands of her hair floated around her face and static electricity crackled when she gathered up the entire mass of it and twisted it into a loose knot at the base of her neck. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down there, Speedy Frogzales," she soothed, looking amused at how Lilly had gone from zero to frantic in the space of a second. "I just woke up myself, and anyway, you needed the sleep. And we haven't seen each other in a month and a half, isn't that reason enough to skip one day of classes?"

Lilly paused with one arm in a t-shirt and her head halfway through the neckhole. "You're going back tomorrow?"

"Yeah," Miley said. "My flight's at one in the afternoon."

Lilly finished pulling the shirt on. "I can skip the morning class," she said slowly, sitting down on the bed next to Miley. "But I've got an exam this afternoon at three that I can't miss."

"Okay. That gives us six whole hours."

"Great." Lilly grinned. "So why don't you get dressed and we'll go out for breakfast? We can hit The Dish."

"I've got a better idea. Why don't you – " Miley laid back on the bed and stretched her arms up above her head, giving Lilly a very nice view of the unclothed upper half of her body. " – get _un_dressed, and we'll, uh, have breakfast in bed, if ya know what I mean." She winked suggestively at the last part.

"Unh-unh. Breakfast first," Lilly insisted. "Breakfast with _real_ food." Her stomach chose that moment to growl loudly, emphasizing her point. "Then we can come back here and work up an appetite for lunch."

Miley's eyes sparkled. "Why, Miss Truscott, I do believe you have yourself a deal."

They sealed it with a kiss.

———————————————

Exhaustion dragged at Lilly's feet as she climbed the steps to the front porch. They hadn't slept much last night, and that plus the day's further exertions and an exam that had run close to two and a half hours left her feeling tired beyond words. Not to mention sore. All she wanted to do was curl up in bed with Miley and sleep until she had to go to class again. Maybe she could get Miley to tell her a bedtime story. Tales from the Tour. The corners of her lips curved up in a tiny smile at the thought. They'd been missing each other on the phone so much that she only had the barest idea of how the tour was going.

The door opened with its habitual horrible creak. One of these days she was going to get around to putting some WD-40 on the hinges. And paint it some color other than the current puke green, if only to increase the resale value on the house.

"I'm up here," Miley called from upstairs. Lilly trudged up the steps, shedding her bookbag and coat indiscriminately on the way.

Miley was ensconced in their bed with her laptop. She looked like she'd barely moved since Lilly had left a little over three hours ago, though she had managed to get dressed. "Hey," Miley said, smiling in welcome. She put the laptop down and crawled out of bed to give Lilly a hug. "How was the exam?"

"I don't want to talk about it," Lilly moaned. Sinking down into the comfort of Miley's embrace felt like the most wonderful thing in the world. Then Miley started to plant light kisses down the side of her neck and Lilly felt arousal sparking along her nerves. Drat her body; she was too tired for this. "Miley, I can't."

"Can't what?" Miley asked, not stopping.

"Stop." Lilly pulled away and sat down heavily on the bed. It felt like everything from the past few months was catching up with her, hitting her all at once, and suddenly she was fighting not to cry. She let out a strangled groan of frustration and it all started to pour out. "I just don't know how much longer I can do this. I mean, the tour, and school, and we're both so busy, I feel like we've barely talked to each other in months and I miss that. I miss you, I miss talking to you, don't you miss that?"

She looked up. Miley was watching her, her eyes clouded with worry but her face carefully guarded. She knew Miley probably didn't miss talking as much as she did. That was one of the changes Miley's year and a half alone in this world had wrought in her; the Miley Lilly had found here five years ago was less talkative, more reserved than the Miley she'd known before. Sometimes Lilly still missed the easy, airy way Miley used to fill time with words, prattling on about nothing and everything, but she'd learned the hard way that some things were irretrievable once they were lost, and most of the time just counted herself lucky for what hadn't been.

"And then you come back, and all we do is have sex," she continued. "And don't get me wrong, it's amazing, but I need more than that, because if this keeps up I'm – "

"Leaving," Miley said flatly, crossing her arms over her chest and turning her back to Lilly.

Lilly's jaw dropped. "What?" she asked, dumbfounded. "No, I was going to say I'm gonna go crazy. Why the hell would you say that?" Fear made her voice sharp. Did Miley want her to leave? "Why the _fuck_ would you even _think_ that?" The venom in her words made Miley flinch.

"Because you might," Miley said, barely loud enough to be heard.

"And just where is it you think I'd go?" Lilly demanded angrily.

The answer was so quiet Lilly almost missed it. "Home."

The bottom dropped out of Lilly's stomach and all the anger drained out of her in a heartbeat. "What?" she asked hoarsely.

Miley's shoulders hunched and she wouldn't turn around. "I'm afraid, okay? I'm afraid that, one day – " She swallowed. "One day, you might go back. Go home."

Oh, god, Lilly thought, and, Where had she gotten that idea? But she already knew, could remember herself trying to get Miley into rehab, saying, _threatening_: _Either you get help or I'm going back_. "Miley," she said weakly.

"You were right, okay?" Miley said. "You said I didn't know what you wished, and I don't. I don't know if one day, I'll look up, or I'll come back, and you'll be gone." Lilly closed her eyes, remembering all the times Miley had asked her to promise she'd be there when Miley got back, asked with wistfulness in her voice and that strange mix of hope and fear in her eyes. All those times, and Lilly had never known. She'd never even guessed. "And it scares the shit out of me, Lilly. It scares me more than anything ever has. Because I can't lose you, not again. I don't think I would survive a second time."

How could she never have thought to tell Miley that threat had been empty, that she'd never had any intention of leaving, that it had never even been a possibility? She had to fix this. Now. "Do – do you want to know what I wished?"

One of Miley's shoulders shrugged in answer.

"Come sit down," Lilly coaxed. She waited while Miley turned and shuffled and sat next to her with her gaze firmly fastened on her knees. "When Angel came," Lilly started, "I didn't have any idea what was going on. You were pretty out of it, and a mess besides." Miley tilted her face away slightly and Lilly paused a second to organize her thoughts, then continued.

"Angel explained, and at first I didn't believe her, but you were there, and you were...so I had to believe, finally. She said there wasn't much time, but I could go back with you, if I wanted to. If I wished it. And then she told me, 'Be specific.' She said her bosses weren't going to be too happy with her, and they'd look for loopholes. 'Be specific,' she said. Give a time limit, so they couldn't send me back before it was up. Or build in my own loophole, so I could go back when I wanted, if I wanted, because I'd only get one wish. And I didn't have much time, but I looked at you and I didn't have to think about it. I knew exactly what to wish. You know what it was?"

Miley shook her head once, the smallest movement imaginable.

"I wished that I could be with you. Forever."

Miley's head snapped up so fast Lilly worried she might get whiplash. The unshed tears that glittered in her eyes nearly made Lilly's heart break. She reached out, splaying her hands on either side of Miley's neck, her thumbs stroking Miley's cheeks. She locked eyes with Miley to make sure there was no way her next words wouldn't be understood. "I'm not going anywhere, Miley. Not ever." She leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. "I promise."

Miley's lips pressed against hers, a kiss edged with a desperation that Lilly took and gentled. She broke away and went back, kissing the corner of Miley's mouth, the edge of her lips, her cheek, her nose, her eyelids.

"Lilly," Miley whispered.

"Shhh," Lilly shushed her, and Miley obeyed. She tilted Miley's chin up and kissed down the line of her jaw to her throat. Then she paused and pulled back so she could peel Miley's shirt off. Miley hadn't bothered to put a bra on, which ordinarily would have made Lilly smirk at her, but now she was too focused on the task at hand.

Lilly pushed lightly at Miley's shoulders and slowly laid her back on the bed. She sat next to her and leaned over, tracing Miley's hairline with her fingers first and then her lips. She covered Miley's face with kisses again, then followed her earlier path down Miley's throat, but this time she kept going, across Miley's shoulders and down her chest. She didn't seek out Miley's breasts, but she didn't avoid them either, intent on systematically and painstakingly tasting every single inch of Miley's flesh. Miley was quiet; the only indications that Lilly had reached a sensitive area being an increase in her breathing or a small, sharp gasp.

Then Miley reached for her. "No," Lilly said softly. She caught Miley's hands and stretched them up over Miley's head. She kissed the thin, fragile skin on the inside of Miley's wrists, and when she took away her hands Miley left her arms there. Her eyes fastened on Lilly as Lilly climbed off the bed, as though Miley was a snake and Lilly the flute in a charmer's hands.

Lilly felt like the air had gone solid around them, like she was moving through molasses, or maybe it was just that time had slowed down. The intensity of Miley's gaze almost made her fumble as she worked the button on Miley's jeans. But it came undone, and Lilly unzipped them, then slid them off, taking Miley's underwear at the same time. Miley lifted her hips slightly to aid the process but didn't take her eyes off Lilly's face, not even when Lilly started to undress herself. She could feel Miley's look like a physical force and it slowed her even more.

Naked, she knelt on the bed and straddled Miley, resuming her mission to explore every scrap of skin. Every time she looked up Miley was watching her, pupils so dilated that her eyes looked bottomless and black. Lilly kissed Miley's hip, the top of her thigh, the neat curls between her legs. When she moved to kiss down Miley's leg, Miley whimpered in the back of her throat and Lilly let out a low murmur of sound that meant she'd be coming back.

But first there was the whole long expanse of Miley's legs to cover. And cover them Lilly did, being careful to keep her teeth nowhere near Miley's body, even though Miley usually didn't mind that. She didn't want anything of pain to be in this, because it felt, not like worship, exactly, but a prayer, maybe, a continuation of her promise.

She licked the inside of Miley's ankle and Miley hissed. So Lilly kissed the arch of Miley's foot, then moved back up, kissing and licking the inside of Miley's thighs until Miley arched her back, trying to focus Lilly's attention where she needed it. Lilly looked up to check that Miley still had her arms where they were supposed to be and got trapped by Miley's eyes. Their eyes stayed locked as Lilly flattened her tongue and licked a long, slow stroke up the length of Miley's center.

Miley was so wet it made Lilly moan, feeling an answering flood of wetness between her own legs. Miley's head snapped back when Lilly's tongue reached her clit, and Lilly took it into her mouth, sucking lightly and flicking her tongue across it. Miley's hips bucked up and Lilly held them down. She took her time, licking and sucking, dipping her tongue in and out of Miley until Miley was breathing so fast Lilly started to think she might hyperventilate.

She removed a hand from Miley's hip and slid one finger and then two inside of her, started moving them in and out, still with the same agonizing slowness she'd done everything so far. She captured Miley's clit in her mouth again, applying increasing pressure as her hand kept moving and her fingers curled up slightly, searching for the spot that would send Miley over the edge.

Then her questing fingers found it, and Miley clenched around them and broke her silence by screaming out Lilly's name. Her arms came down, hands clenching in the sheets. Lilly couldn't slow her attentions, but she gentled them, licking lightly at the flood of wetness and guiding Miley through the aftershocks of her orgasm.

Miley started to sob, gasping for breath in great, shuddering gulps that wracked her slim frame. Lilly pulled her hand away and crawled up beside her, wiping tears aside with her thumbs. She gathered Miley up and held her, rocking her and stroking her tangled hair until Miley cried herself to sleep.

———————————————

For the second time in as many days, Lilly woke to find Miley looking down at her. This time, however, she didn't appear quite so happy. "Hey," Lilly said, voice rough with sleep. She cleared her throat. "You okay?"

Miley nodded but her face was still troubled. "Lilly," she said hesitantly, then stopped. Lilly reached up and fingered a lock of Miley's hair, waiting in silence. It was better to do that, sometimes, she'd learned. To wait and let Miley come to her instead of pushing the issue, which was apt to make Miley clam up.

A minute later Miley started again. "You said you wished you could be with me." Her eyes dropped from Lilly's face and focused on the hollow of her throat. "Do you...do you think that's why we're, why we – " She motioned between the two of them.

Lilly breathed out, glad that what was bothering Miley was something she could fix. "No," she said firmly. Miley's eyes snapped back to hers. "No. That night in the cabin, Thanksgiving, when you told me, I asked Angel. I wanted to make sure you – " Weren't being forced into something else you didn't really want, she finished silently. "Anyway, she said there's three things wishes don't grant: love, death, and resurrection."

"Oh." Miley nodded decisively. "Good. That's good, I guess." She paused. "Lilly?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think we would have...do you think we'd be together, like this, if we hadn't come here?"

It was Lilly who looked away this time, her gaze sliding to a spot over Miley's shoulder. "I don't know." She tried to think back to what it had been like then, when the only thing that had bound her to Miley was an innocent love, and her biggest worry was her geometry grade. It seemed impossible that they had ever been that young.

"I don't know," she said again. She remembered how bright everything had been in the Malibu sun, how there had always been some boy or some wave, a new skate trick or a Hannah concert or the pursuit of the perfect outfit. Always something to distract her, to take her attention away from how her stomach turned sick, slow somersaults whenever Miley ran a hand down her arm or looked at Lilly through her lashes. "Probably not."

Before Lilly could even blink, Miley's mouth was on hers. The kiss was hard, almost savage, and Miley's tongue forced its way into Lilly's mouth. Lilly started to reach for Miley, but Miley grabbed her wrists and pinned them to the bed, one on each side of her body. She hovered over Lilly, parting Lilly's legs with one of her own, and tore away from the kiss to bite and nip none too gently at Lilly's neck and the undersides of her breasts, leaving Lilly gasping.

Miley finally released one of Lilly's wrists, raking her fingernails down Lilly's side as she returned to the kiss, their tongues battling each other. Lilly immediately brought her arm up and twisted her fingers in the hair at the base of Miley's skull, pulling it hard, pulling Miley closer.

Miley was angry, and so was she, she was so _fucking_ angry, because it wasn't fair, none of this was, they had both lost so much, and she –

She didn't want to go back.

And that made her even angrier.

Three fingers thrust into her without warning, stiff and painful, and Lilly cried out, the noise swallowed up into Miley's mouth. Miley pulled her fingers out partway, then plunged them in again, over and over, hard and fast and desperate with everything neither of them knew how to say.

Lilly brought her thigh up between Miley's and Miley ground down against it, coating Lilly's skin with wetness in seconds. Her hand kept moving and her mouth never left Lilly's and it wasn't long before Lilly was crying out again as an orgasm ripped through her like a freight train.

Moments later, Miley went over the edge as well. Her hand fell away and her mouth was ripped from Lilly's as the force of it arched her up and away from Lilly. Her other hand tightened convulsively around Lilly's wrist, so hard Lilly knew it would bruise.

The aftermath left them both panting heavily, trying to absorb what had just happened. Miley bowed her head, hiding her face for a minute behind a curtain of hair, and let go of Lilly's arm. She brought her head back up, eyes flickering over the marks on Lilly's breasts and neck, the red welts along her side, the clear outline of Miley's hand that was visible on her wrist.

"I'm sorry," she said, her voice low. Lilly didn't know if she was apologizing for this, or everything, but it didn't matter. Torn-out strands of Miley's hair were tangled around Lilly's fingers.

"Don't be."

Miley rolled off of her, flopping over on her back. Lilly shifted her arm slightly so that it was just touching Miley's. They lay in silence for a few minutes while their breathing slowly returned to normal.

"I was thinking," Miley said. "That maybe we could set a time. Like a specific hour, every day, and that would be our time. And that way, we could call each other and know that we'd get through, and we wouldn't spend a week playing phone tag."

Lilly smiled. "I think that's a great idea." She moved her arm more and took Miley's hand, linking their fingers together. "And Thanksgiving's not that far off, and then it's only a few weeks until I'm off for Christmas..."

"We'll make this work."

"Of course," Lilly said. That had never been in doubt. "Always."

"But, Lilly?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could still leave those marathon messages on my voicemail every once in a while?" Miley asked. "I like to listen to 'em and see how long you can go without taking a breath."

Lilly's laugh floated up, bright as Malibu sunshine. "I think that can be arranged."

———————————————

By ten-thirty they'd managed to get up, showered, and dressed, and even had time for a quick brunch before they came back to the house to wait for the car that was picking Miley up to take her to the airport. They took advantage of the last few moments together, Miley lying on her back on the couch with Lilly sprawled half over her, both of them savoring the closeness. Lilly fought against the warm, comfortable haze that threatened to send her off to sleep, not wanting to miss a second of this time. Miley's fingers stroked along the side of her head, sending shivers of pleasure across Lilly's scalp.

"It wouldn't matter," Miley murmured quietly, almost to herself.

"What?" Lilly asked.

"It wouldn't matter," Miley said again, louder. "If this was because of a wish. I wouldn't care."

Fear jolted through Lilly. She sat up on the edge of the couch. "How could you say that?" she demanded.

Miley looked bewildered. "What?" She pushed herself up with her elbows to lean against the arm of the couch.

"How could you – " Lilly jumped up and started pacing back and forth. "How can you say it wouldn't matter if this is real or just because of some stupid wish? Maybe you wouldn't care, but _I_ would."

"Lilly, I didn't – "

"And how could you even_ think _that about me?" Fear and anger pumped through her body in time with her pounding heart. She couldn't hold still. "That I could wish something like that and be _okay_ with it? Forcing you into – "

"Lilly – "

Lilly raked her hands through her hair. "And how could _you _be okay with that? What would give me the right – " She looked over at Miley and saw it then, saw the answer in the flash of guilt and pain that crossed Miley's face. "Oh my god," Lilly whispered, swaying a little with the shock of it. For a second she thought her legs might give out and dump her on the floor, but they held and Lilly felt strength return as anger surged through her again.

"Goddamn it, Miley," Lilly said. "God_damn_ it." Her voice jumped in volume almost to a yell and she could feel her whole face flushing red, down her neck and chest. "How long is this going to go on? How long are you going to keep killing yourself over this when you have nothing to feel guilty for?"

"Nothing to feel guilty for?" Miley said incredulously, sitting up all the way. "Nothing to feel guilty for? No, I just made the wish – "

"That wasn't your fault – "

" – that, let's see, basically ruined our lives! You barely talked to your mom for years, things still aren't a hundred percent with her, _you've_ been killing _yourself_ the past two and half years trying to make up the time you lost in school because of me! I destroyed my dad's marriage, and oh, yeah! I'm an alcoholic! Not to mention Hannah – " She was on her feet now, yelling at Lilly through the two feet of empty air that separated them.

"I swear to god, Miley, you are so fucking self-centered sometimes I just want to strangle you," Lilly shouted back. "Not everything is about you! Not everything is on your shoulders! Other people make choices and decisions – "

"That they wouldn't have to make if I hadn't – "

"That's bullshit, Miley, total bullshit," Lilly yelled. "God, you make me so angry I – " She broke off suddenly, disconcerted. It felt so strange to be fighting with Miley – _really_ fighting – that she stopped yelling and tried to remember the last time. Sure, they got into little arguments from time to time, but they hadn't had a screaming match like this since before...

"What?" Miley asked cautiously.

"Do you realize...this is the first real fight we've had in five years?" Miley dropped her eyes and shifted her weight from one foot to the other. "You do," Lilly said slowly. "Because – " Comprehension dawned as she searched her memories of the past few years. " – because every other time we almost fought, every other time we almost had _this_ fight, you changed the subject. You made sure we wouldn't." She clenched her hands into fists, fingernails digging into her palms. "What, Miley, did you think I'd just up and leave if we got into a fight, that I'd just go back?"

Miley only shrugged, but Lilly could see from her face that was exactly what she'd thought.

"That's great," Lilly spat. "No, that just wonderful, I'm so glad to know that's what you think of me. That I'd force you into loving me and then just abandon you the first time things got rough – "

"Lilly, _no_ – "

"Never mind the fact that I've been there for you for the past five years, hell, since we've met and – "

"Dammit, Lilly," Miley said, getting angry again. "If you would just listen to me for one fucking minute and let me explain – "

A horn sounded repeatedly outside.

"Fuck," Miley said. "That's my car."

Lilly crossed her arms over her chest. "Fine," she said coldly. "Go."

Miley's mouth opened and then shut with an audible click of teeth-on-teeth. "Fine." She picked up her overnight bag and stormed out the door. It slammed closed behind her, rattling the windows.

Lilly stood in the middle of the room by herself, chest heaving, wanting to scream and cry all at once. It would be almost a month and a half before they saw each other again. She stalked to the door and yanked it open. "Miley, get back here!"

Miley stood at the open door to the car, about to climb in. Her bag was already inside. "I have to go."

"Damn it, Miley, get back in here _now_!"

Dragging her feet, Miley made a big show of walking back up the driveway, across the porch, and back inside. As soon as she crossed the threshold Lilly pushed the door shut with one hand and grabbed her, kissing her soundly. She kept kissing until Miley kissed back, until arms had wound around waists and they'd melted together, no space between them. Then she pulled away and rested her forehead on Miley's shoulder.

"I love you," Miley said, and placed a gentle kiss on the top of her head.

"I love you, too," Lilly said, because she did, because she had to, because that was the only way this could hurt so much.

They stood for a minute just holding each other. "You're still angry, aren't you?" Miley asked.

"Yes," Lilly said, pressing her face into Miley's shirt for a second. "Of course I'm still – how could you – that wasn't a fair thing to think about me, Miley. How could you, after everything that's happened, how could you think that I would – "

"I didn't," Miley said. "I didn't think that of you. I – "

"I would _never_," Lilly said, raising her head and staring Miley straight in the eyes. "Even if I could, I would never go back. Not without you. I wouldn't do that."

"I know," Miley said.

"Do you?" Lilly asked.

"Lilly," Miley said desperately. "I'm _sorry_. I didn't mean – " The horn sounded again outside, three sharp, staccato bursts.

"Go catch your plane."

"No," Miley said. "No, I'll cancel the concert, I don't care, this is more important. I'll cancel the tour, I'll stay – "

Lilly shook her head. "No. Just go, okay? I can't – " She couldn't deal with this with Miley here, didn't think she could stand to look at Miley one more second, knowing that this whole time Miley had thought Lilly would desert her the first time things got bad, as if they hadn't already been bad, as if they hadn't already been so much worse, so much harder, than they'd ever be again, as if Lilly hadn't stayed through all of that. "Go back to your tour. Just go."

"Lilly," Miley said, her face and voice uncertain.

"Just _go_, Miley," Lilly said harshly, stepping away from her. "We'll talk about this later. I'll still be here. I'll always be here."

Miley looked stricken, like Lilly had slapped her, but she nodded. "I'm sorry," she said again. She opened the door, turned to look back at Lilly when she was halfway through it. "I love you."

Lilly looked away until she heard the door shut, then went to the window and watched the car drive away. Only after it had turned a corner and disappeared from view did she allow herself to collapse to the floor, sobbing until all the breath was sucked from her body and her eyes ran dry.

———————————————


	18. Patching Up The Holes

**I have absolutely no excuse for getting this up so late in the day. It wasn't finished and instead of working on it I took a nap. (Ilu, Xmas break!)**

**Initiate Six: Omg, you are totally right about him being left-handed! The really sad thing is that I was immediately able to think of four episodes where he plays the guitar, yet somehow had never noticed that he was doing it with his left hand. I will keep that in mind for future stories, but I think it's too late for this one. Sorry, because little things like that drive me crazy too. Thanks for the lovely review and especially for mentioning you think I've aged them well. I definitely agree that it's incredibly difficult, at least for me, so I'm always happy when someone thinks I've pulled it off. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!**

**Kurrent: Okay, I don't even know where to start. I was nodding my head through most of what you said (and I think the parts where we disagree are just because you're nicer than I am). Just a few things or these notes are going to end up longer than the chapter...Most of all, yes, this was a fight that needed to happen. They needed to get all of this out there so it can be dealt with. And even when they're fighting it's because they need each other and love each other (such different things, omg, don't get me started on that) so much, I mean, hell, like half the reason Lilly is mad at Miley is because she keeps beating herself up. Anyway. I was also glad you brought up Lilly's wish; I took a lot of care with that back in Amiss, and most of the development of Lilly's character in this verse is based off of it, off of her making **_**that**_** wish. In a way I feel like it forms the basis for the verse itself, but I was supposed to be keeping this...not this long. So I'll stop there.**

**croaker001: Ha, no, that's not bad. I know I look forward to the reviews! I am constantly amazed at what you guys see in this story (sometimes very different from what I see) and I'm deeply grateful to everyone who takes the time to write and tell me what they're getting from this. I have awesome reviewers!**

**mileymadness: So, wait, it's supposed to be about the **_**paparazzi?**_** Aw, crap. That totally means I was interpreting it incorrectly. Now I feel stupid. (This happens to me a lot. It's on account of how my brain is weird.) See, that is something that would have been good to know ahead of time, but I did not know she'd said that's what the song is about because I am lazy and therefore fail at expending any effort to find out things like that, even though I should because they are **_**interesting**_**, plus I have yet to see an interview or whatever of hers that didn't crack me up (although I'm not sure that's intentional? Because, again, my brain is weird). I need to, like, get you to send me links to everything instead of relying on what I randomly happen to come across. You can see how that would benefit everyone involved, right? Yeah, okay, it would just benefit me. NEVER MIND. **

**DataAndrd: Um, hopefully this chapter will clear things up for you? Let me know after if you're still confused and I will try to explain.**

**Thanks again to everyone for such wonderful reviews.**

———————————————

**Chapter Eighteen: Patching Up The Holes**

———————————————

_There's times it doesn't make sense,  
And I can barely believe,  
That you still find anything in me,  
I'm comin' apart, I'm comin' to you,  
This game has pushed us so far,  
Can you pull me through?_

- William Tell, _Maybe Tonight_

———————————————

**October – November 2013**

Miley called Lilly at eleven that night, after the concert, which she couldn't even remember the second after it was finished. She couldn't remember the flight back to Indiana either, or anything else about the day since she'd left Lilly in Seattle.

That was the time they'd set, nine o'clock in Seattle, the time they were supposed to call each other every night and know they'd get through, but Miley was afraid Lilly wouldn't answer tonight.

"Hey," Miley said when she did, so dizzy with happiness she nearly passed out. She was in a suite here, and she grabbed at the back of the desk chair in the front room, pulled it out and sat down.

"Hey," Lilly said dully, and the happiness disappeared.

"Are you...are you okay?"

"Not really, no." She sounded like she'd been crying. Miley leaned forward and put her forehead against the hard surface of the desk. How could she have done this? How could she have done this to Lilly? She'd ruined everything, she always ruined everything.

Lilly wasn't saying anything, and silence had never seemed so loud before. Miley swallowed once, twice, not knowing what to say. "I'm sorry."

"Don't," Lilly said. "I can't hear that from you right now. I'm still too angry."

I'm sorry, Miley thought, but didn't let the words out, felt them settle like stones in her stomach. She jumped up, paced into the bedroom, sat down on the hotel bed and listened to Lilly breathe for minutes that stretched out into forever.

"Did you really – " Lilly said. "Did you honestly think that of me, that I would – "

"I didn't," Miley said quickly. "I didn't think that of you. I – I thought it of _me_. I would have understood if you…" Because Lilly had given up so much, and for what? For Miley? That wasn't enough, she knew it wasn't, and she would have understood if Lilly thought the same thing.

"Miley," Lilly said. Stopped. Sighed.

Miley's throat closed up.

"How was your flight?"

Miley opened her mouth, but for a second nothing came out. "W-what?"

"Your flight," Lilly said impatiently. "How was it?"

"It was...it was fine. It was – " Horrible, because she hadn't been able to stop thinking about Lilly the whole time, about the look on Lilly's face when she'd left, hadn't been able to stop feeling like she'd messed up the best thing in her life. "It was just a flight."

"And the concert? Did that go okay?"

"Yeah," Miley said. "I don't know, I didn't really...Lilly – "

"I'm going to need some time with this, Miley."

"O-okay," Miley stuttered. "Do you want...um, I could take some time off from the tour, or..."

"No," Lilly said. "Listen, I have a lot of work to do tonight and I'm really tired, so I'll talk to you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay," Miley said hoarsely, wanting to cry but knowing that she couldn't with Lilly on the phone. "I love you."

"Sleep well," Lilly said, and hung up. Miley put the phone down, moved slowly to lie on her side on the bed, but she didn't sleep well, didn't sleep at all, stared numbly at the wall until morning.

———————————————

Miley went through the next few days mechanically, on auto-pilot, reacting to things without really knowing what she was doing. She didn't eat, couldn't stand the thought of food, and slept only in fits, her body shutting down from sheer exhaustion just to be jolted awake an hour or two later by the fear and guilt that followed her even into her dreams.

She knew Jenny was worried. That would have been hard to miss even in her current state, especially after the concert three nights later in Kentucky. She came off the stage with her head ringing and she could see Jenny talking to her but she couldn't hear anything, so she shook her head to clear it. That was when the ground started coming up at her, which she was pretty sure wasn't supposed to happen.

Everything spun, and somehow she was on the couch in the dressing room. It was quieter there and the ringing went away after a minute, although when Jenny shut the door and dragged a chair over to sit in front of her she though maybe it would've been better if it hadn't.

"What happened?" Jenny said.

Miley shrugged, licked her lips. "I think I just need some water. I might be a little dehydrated."

"When was the last time you ate something?" Miley shrugged again, because she couldn't really remember. "Slept?" Thursday night. She'd slept Thursday night, with Lilly.

"I think I should call Lilly," Jenny said, reaching for her bag.

"You do and you're out of a job," Miley said sharply. Jenny stilled.

"What happened when you went home?" she asked.

"None of your damn business."

Jenny sat back in the chair and studied her. Miley waited. It didn't really matter to her where she was or what she was doing. Not until midnight. "Fine," Jenny said finally. "But you almost passing out _is_ my business. You have to eat and you have to sleep, or I will call Lilly. I don't care if you fire me."

Miley nodded, and after that she ate whenever Jenny put food in front of her, barely noticed because she let the haze roll back over her. The only times it lifted were the phone calls with Lilly. Miley always called the instant the clock went to twelve, not giving Lilly a chance to call, not giving herself a chance to think that maybe Lilly wouldn't. Lilly always answered, and Miley thought that was probably more than she deserved.

But they didn't really talk, or if they did it wasn't about this thing sitting heavy between them. It was brief, perfunctory questions about each other's days, equally short answers, all spread out over spans of strained silence. Miley bore it for three more nights, giving Lilly the time she'd said she needed, lying on her back on hotel beds or her bunk on the bus and counting Lilly's breaths in her ear. Four days of not knowing or caring where she was or what she was doing, three nights of Lilly making up a reason to get off the phone, saying sleep well when Miley told her that she loved her. Miley knew that didn't mean Lilly didn't love her, that Lilly was just upset, angry, and I love you was a hard thing to say when you were angry. But it still hurt not to hear it, and three nights later she couldn't wait anymore.

"It wasn't like you think it was," she burst out into one of the silences, not able to stand it any longer, the idea that things would go on like this for one more second without her getting a chance to explain, to try to make Lilly understand.

"What wasn't?" Lilly said warily, and Miley could tell that Lilly didn't want to talk about this, not yet, but she kept going anyway.

"It wasn't like I thought – I didn't think that you would leave just because we got in a fight. I didn't think you would abandon me, it was just...it was just the idea that you could go back – " Just the fact that the possibility had existed, that Lilly could have gone back, gone home, just the idea of everything she was giving up day after day after day to stay here for Miley, and how terrifyingly, painfully inadequate she had felt stacked up against all of that.

She still felt that way, wasn't sure it was any easier knowing that Lilly had given it up all at once, forever. What a disappointment Miley must have been, then. And now.

"Why didn't you ever _say_ anything?" Lilly asked. "I should have told you earlier, I know I should have, I just didn't – you were gone in rehab and so much was going on and I knew that I wasn't ever going back and I just didn't think to – but why didn't you _ask_ me? Did you think if you brought it up I would – "

"No," Miley said quickly. "No, I just...I didn't think I had the right to ask you to stay if you ever wanted to go back. It's my fault you're here – "

"No, it isn't," Lilly snapped. "I made the wish to come here, Miley. _I _did that. Me. You didn't, you were passed out – "

"But you wouldn't have had to if – "

"Damn it, Miley!"

They were back to silence for a long moment, until Miley took a deep breath, tried again to explain.

"It was...I didn't want you to think I was pressuring you, trying to make you...it was your decision – "

"And you think I would have just done that, just like that?" Lilly demanded. "You think I would have just vanished one day without even talking to you – "

"No!" Miley exploded. "No, I didn't think! That's what I'm trying to tell you! I didn't think about it! I tried...I tried not to think about it at all, ever, because I couldn't keep going if I did. I couldn't..."

"You should have asked me," Lilly said. "I should have told you, but you should have asked me. You should have asked me to stay, to tell you I was going to stay. You could have asked me that. You could have asked me that, _you can ask me anything_." But she couldn't, Miley thought. How could she, how could she ask for anything more after what Lilly had already given, already done?

"God, Miley, don't you know what you mean to me? Why do you think I – do you think I don't need you every bit as much as you need me? What do you think this relationship _is?_"

"Lilly," Miley said, trying to think of what to say, how to explain. Because she knew that Lilly needed her, but _Lilly_ didn't know, she didn't know what it had been like to be here all alone, to not have anyone, to know that Lilly was as lost to her as if she'd been dead.

She didn't know, couldn't know what it had been like for Miley when Lilly came, something like a miracle, something she knew she didn't, couldn't ever deserve. Lilly didn't know the black, gaping _nothing_ that clawed its way up from her gut at the idea that she might be alone again, that blanked her brain, that swallowed her. And Miley didn't want her to.

"I know you need me, Lilly," she said. "I know you do. I was just so scared. So afraid. I meant it when I said I don't think I could live if I lost you, I'm not saying that to be melodramatic, I – "

"I know," Lilly said sadly. "I know. I..." She paused a minute and Miley waited anxiously, but in the end all Lilly said was, "I have to go now."

Miley squeezed her eyes shut against tears. "Okay. Good night. I love you."

"I love you, too," Lilly said, and something loosened in Miley's chest. "I always will."

She hung up and Miley sat up on the bed, rested her head on her arms on her knees and counted off the seconds until she'd stopped shaking from relief. Then she got up and changed, crawled back in bed, and slept through the night for the first time in a week.

———————————————

Things were better after that, easier. It was easier to get up in the mornings, to eat, to rehearse, to perform, to remember that these were things she was supposed to care about. There were a few nights when she called Lilly and it was like everything was normal, when they talked back and forth about the tour, and classes, and law school applications. But there were other nights, too, nights when their conversations lagged and limped and Miley despaired of ever finding out what to say to make things right again, to get them back to where they'd been before.

It was almost November before Lilly brought any of it up again, dropping her question almost casually into one of those lags, so unexpected Miley almost missed it.

"Would you really be okay with it?" Lilly asked quietly. "If what we have wasn't real, if it was just because I'd wished it?"

"I didn't mean it like that, Lilly," Miley said wearily. She was tired of this, of this distance between them, of everything, just wanted it to end. "I just – I only meant that I'm happy with things the way they are now with us. Happier than I ever thought I could be for a long time, and I don't really care how it happened, only that it did. And, I mean...you wouldn't have done it on _purpose_. I know that."

"Well, I'm glad there are some limits to what you'd think I'd do," Lilly said meanly.

Miley didn't say anything, stung.

"I'm sorry," Lilly said a minute later. "I shouldn't have said that."

"Wishes are real, Lilly," Miley said.

"They're real and they're horrible!" Lilly said. "I don't want that to be why – " She broke off and Miley could hear muffled sniffling sounds and then Lilly blowing her nose.

"Maybe," Miley said miserably, "maybe you shouldn't have wi – "

"Miley Stewart, don't you dare finish that sentence." Lilly's voice was tight and dangerous, and Miley stopped, took a breath, changed directions.

"What would you have done, Lilly, if Angel had said yes?" Would she have turned Miley down, torn them both to shreds from stubbornness? "Do you think that would make what we feel any less there? This is what I want. This – I want _you_. And if I were so stupid that I couldn't figure that out for myself, I'd be grateful every single day that something else made me realize it."

"That's not how it..." Lilly sighed. "You're missing the point."

She wasn't missing the point. She just didn't _care_. "All I meant was that, however this happened, I'm glad it did."

"I'm glad it did, too," Lilly said, and Miley breathed out, knowing she'd been forgiven for this, at least, and so grateful she didn't protest when Lilly changed the subject, left the rest for another day.

———————————————

Two days later, another city and another hotel, and they were fighting again.

"I'm sorry," Miley said, thinking she would say it again and again, over and over, until Lilly accepted it. "I'm sorry about this, I'm sorry about everything. I know I screwed up, I'm sorry. I always screw things up – "

"No, you don't," Lilly interrupted. "This is exactly what I was talking about, Miley." She sounded like she was gathering steam, and Miley sat up on the edge of the bed and rubbed at her eyes. Even when she was trying to apologize she said the wrong thing. "You don't always screw things up. Miley, you have to _stop feeling guilty_. You can't keep carrying this around with you forever. You were just a kid who made a stupid wish. You didn't make it come true, you didn't even think it _would_ come true."

"But...," Miley said. But it wasn't just the wish. It was everything she had done after, everyone she had failed.

"Not everything is your fault," Lilly continued vehemently. "You didn't screw everything up. You didn't ruin everyone's lives. _No one's_ life has been ruined. Jackson and your dad, my parents and me, we're all fine. And look at everything you've done – the album, staying clean...you're just as much of a role model now as Hannah ever was, because you show people that even if they go down the wrong path, they can put their lives back together."

"Lilly, that's – "

"No, I mean it, Miley," Lilly said, really worked up now. "You're going to stop feeling guilty about this _right now_, or I'm – or I'm never going to speak to you again."

Her hand clutched convulsively around the phone while the rest of her froze. No. Lilly wouldn't do that. Not after she'd said she wouldn't, _promised_, not after she'd gotten so upset at Miley for even _thinking_ –

"I'm serious," Lilly said. "Not one word. I will just sit here for the next seventy years and glare at you in silence."

The release of tension made her slump so violently she almost fell off the bed. "Lilly," she said, but Lilly didn't answer. "Lilly." She realized Lilly was carrying out her threat of silence and laughed a little. "All right, Lilly, all right," and laughed harder when Lilly still didn't say anything.

"This isn't funny, Miley."

"Yes – it – is," Miley gasped, not able to stop laughing. This was it, she decided. This was it, the fight was over, she couldn't do it anymore, she wouldn't. "Picture you – gray hair – rocking chair – no teeth – still glaring at me. Won't even answer – when I ask – what you want – for breakfast."

"I'd do it, too," Lilly said stoutly.

"I know," Miley said. "That's what – makes it – so funny! I'd make grits – every morning – and you'd eat them – just to spite me!" She was laughing so hard now that she doubled over, head on her knees, and could barely keep hold of the phone.

Lilly giggled. "I would, I really wou – " She started to laugh. "I really – "

"I know!" Miley said. She kept laughing, helpless to stop, laughed until she'd toppled over onto her back on the bed and had tears streaming from her eyes that no amount of wiping could staunch. Lilly was laughing just as hard in her ear, and that was when Miley knew Lilly was right, everything was fine, she hadn't ruined everything, hadn't screwed up. It seemed like forever before their laughter died down and Miley had control of herself enough to speak.

"I love you, frog."

"Toad," Lilly said.

"Dork."

"Freak."

"I'm sorry," Miley said.

"Okay," Lilly said. "And I'm sorry, too. I'm sorry you spent so much time with all of this hanging over you. _Talk to me_ next time. We're supposed to be partners in this, and that can't happen if you – "

"I know," Miley said. "There won't be a next time. I promise."

"Good. I hate fighting with you. I _hate_ it."

"Me, too. Let's not do it anymore."

"Oh, I don't think that's going to be possible," Lilly said lightly. "Making me grits every morning? You're going to be _mean _in your old age."

"Me?" Miley said. "You're the one who won't have talked to me for the past seventy years. And you won't even _try_ grits! You might like them, you know."

"No, thanks," Lilly said, sounding grossed-out, and they both chuckled.

"I can't remember the last time I laughed that much," Miley said. "This was worse than the time I jerked off because the sunscreen I had reminded me of you."

"You did _what?_" Lilly yelped, and Miley started laughing all over again.

———————————————

The alarm went off at seven, but Miley was already awake. Her body had gotten used to getting by on two or three hours of sleep a night, and now she found herself slipping off as soon as she talked to Lilly every night, getting twice that and still regularly beating the alarm.

Miley leaned over and hit a button on her phone to silence the alarm, then continued typing on her laptop, finishing off her good morning email to Lilly. Getting more sleep put in her a better mood these days, and getting up early had its perks, too. Like being able to write Lilly every morning, or send her a stupid e-card, or hunt down a love poem and send that. It was ridiculously sappy, she knew that, and sometimes it made her feel sixteen, or what she imagined sixteen should have felt like.

She might have sent Lilly love poems at sixteen, if she hadn't been in rehab. If they hadn't been dealing with the outrage over Miley's decision to retire Hannah or her dad leaving again or trying unsuccessfully to make peace with Lilly's mother. If she hadn't been so petrified of somehow ruining their friendship or upsetting Lilly so much that she left that it had taken her another three years to get up the nerve to move forward. So she couldn't make herself care how laughably corny she was being now, and Lilly didn't seem to mind. She'd started sending Miley things back, at night after Miley had already gone to sleep, so they both had something to look forward to in the morning.

Hitting send, Miley closed the laptop and hauled herself out of bed to take a shower. An hour later there was a loud pounding on her door, followed by Jenny's voice. "Miley, I know it's early, but we've got a bunch of stuff – " She cut off and blinked when Miley yanked the door open, already dressed and ready to go. Her eyes narrowed. "How much coffee have you had so far?"

Miley beamed at her. Jenny still wasn't used to how awake Miley had been the past few mornings. "Who, me? Coffee? I don't know what you're talking about." Miley didn't think Jenny was used to how cheerful she'd been the last couple days, either. She felt so much lighter now that things were right with Lilly, had so much energy she was giddy with it.

"Okay, who are you and when is Miley coming back?" Jenny joked, and Miley laughed.

"Hey, we're getting breakfast first, right?" she asked as they started down the hall.

"I've got a couple breakfast bars in my purse," Jenny said, shaking her head regretfully. "We really don't have time for anything else." Her stomach voiced its regret as well, and Jenny grabbed it and blushed.

"We'll make time," Miley decided. "After all, breakfast is the most important meal of the day." And you had to make time for the important things, she wasn't going to forget that again. It had been so easy to let things slide, to let hours and days slip past between texts or voicemails or phone calls, because there was always something else to do, something else demanding to be dealt with first. Not anymore.

"We'll be late for – "

"So we'll be late," Miley said loftily. "I'm famous, and famous people are supposed to be late so everyone else can bitch about how we have no respect for anyone else's time and think we're better than they are."

Jenny shook her head again and laughed. "Are you on drugs or something?" Miley stopped walking and cocked an eyebrow at her, and after a second Jenny got a horrified look on her face. "Oh my god, I am so sorry, I didn't mean – "

Miley schooled her expression into seriousness and tapped a finger against her lips. "You know what I'm thinking?" she asked, cutting Jenny off.

"What?" Jenny said nervously.

Miley grinned. "Waffles!" She took off down the hall again for the elevator and had to hold down the door open button for a full minute before Jenny caught up with her.

"I am so happy you made up with Lilly," Jenny said as the doors slid shut.

———————————————

The leaves outside the bus window were scarlet, orange, and gold, but only a few of them still clung to the tree limbs, and this far north it was already spitting snow instead of rain. Miley rode looking out the window, her feet propped up on the u-shaped bench seat that surrounded the table on three sides. She had a book balanced against her knees, but she hadn't looked at it once in the last hour. She was watching the wind tug the remaining leaves from their branches, watching the scattered snowflakes that hit the window melt their way down the glass.

Autumn had always been her mother's favorite season.

Growing up in Tennessee, the leaves changing color had meant it was time to switch out clothes from summer to winter. Every year she'd had to try on all her old clothes to see what still fit, and Miley could remember pulling on sweater after sweater until her hair was one big mess of static. They always went shopping the next day, just the two of them, for things she'd outgrown, and they'd get a couple things for her dad and Jackson, and her mom would explain how sometimes it was best not to let boys shop for themselves.

Her mother's cooking changed, too, migrating from lighter, casual summer meals to thick stews and slow-cooked roasts so tender they practically fell apart when Miley's dad tried to carve them, and once October hit, well. Her mom knew more things to do with a pumpkin than anyone else Miley had ever met.

And she'd baked constantly. Miley had been her assistant. She'd had an apron that her mom had made to fit her, and before they started baking her mother would French-braid Miley's hair in front of the vanity in her parents' bedroom. They'd talk then, or sing together, Robby Ray's songs first and then carols as it got on closer to Christmas, and Miley would carefully finger all the perfume bottles and makeup cases and ask how old she had to be before she could wear some. Her mom would laugh and say she had to learn how to French-braid her own hair first.

Miley still couldn't do that.

Once the leaves started to fall, they'd go to Mamaw's almost every weekend, or out to see her other grandparents. Her mom would take her and Jackson out on long walks and they'd gather the biggest, brightest, most perfect leaves they could find to make centerpieces. And when the leaves traded their splash of color for a crunch of sound, her parents would rake giant piles of them in the front yard, so big she and Jackson could get lost in the middle of them. Sometimes her mom would bury her dad in a pile and he'd crouch there, waiting, until Miley or Jackson flung themselves screaming at the mound and then he'd jump out, scaring them senseless as he snatched them out of the air. They'd fall back into the leaves laughing uncontrollably.

And Halloween had been a big deal. Her mom made their costumes, and she could make anything. One year Miley had been a butterfly, and the wings were practically to scale, intricately patterned pink and purple and blue gossamer stretched across wire frames. It had been cold that year, and rainy, and they'd had a hell of a time trying to get those wings in and out of her daddy's truck as he drove them house-to-house trick-or-treating in the icy drizzle, but Miley had refused to take them off. She'd always thought that her mother would have loved the idea of Hannah back home, like Halloween every day.

Susan had gone back to work once Miley and Jackson got older, but she'd stayed home until Miley was in second grade, and every morning she'd wait with them for the bus. She'd wave as the bus pulled away, and Miley would wave back. Once it got cold in the fall, the bus windows would be fogged over, so Miley would put her hand right on the window so her mom could see it, and even though all Miley could make out of her mother through the layer of water vapor was a cloudy ghost outline, she knew her mom was waving too.

The wind picked up and tore a red maple leaf from its tree, gusting it across the shoulder to stick against the bus window. Miley sat up and put her book on the table. She wanted to talk to Angel.

Her phone rang a minute later.

"Hello?" Miley answered.

"What can I do for you, baby girl?" Angel said. Miley didn't ask how Angel had known to call, or even how she'd done it at all. There wasn't a phone up at the cabin.

"Lilly said there are some things you can't wish for," she said. "My mom..."

"You couldn't have brought her back," Angel said. "Death is beyond change."

Miley hung up. She pressed her hand to the smooth, chilled glass of the window, right next to the maple leaf, and thought that, somewhere, her mother was waving back.

———————————————

They were in Albany when the album went platinum. It was the first time in a long time Miley wanted to get drunk. Not just to have a drink – that she wanted all the time – but to get drunk, to drink herself into oblivion. That was what she really wanted.

Oblivion.

She used to want that all the time, before Lilly came, and her desire for it now would have been almost nostalgic if it hadn't been so sharp, so bitter.

And she had to keep smiling, because people expected her to be _happy_ about this. About the album.

When she'd first found out, it had been right before a radio interview, and the host had greeted her with, "I just heard about the album. Platinum, that's incredible." And for a moment she'd felt something close to hope. Maybe now we'll have something new to talk about, she thought. Then he added, "Congratulations, Hannah."

Miley roamed around the hotel room that night. She touched things as she went: table, chair back, dresser, window. She didn't do it nervously, only to remind herself that they were there, and so was she. She was waiting for midnight so she could call Lilly.

It was almost funny that he'd said that, she decided. Ironic. Because it _was_ Hannah that he should be congratulating.

The first time she'd become famous, her father's name had opened a lot of doors. She hadn't minded that, she'd been grateful, and Hannah had quickly become more famous than Robby Ray ever was, so she'd known that it wasn't all because of him. This time it had been Hannah's name, doing more than opening doors, and she wasn't allowed to forget it, ever, not for one second, not with Hannah still on everyone's lips.

Her phone rang.

"Congratulations," Lilly said when Miley answered.

"Don't," Miley said. She sat down right where she was, in the middle of the floor.

"What's wrong?" Lilly said.

Miley said, "Hannah." Her mouth twisted around the word as though it were sour.

Lilly was silent for a while, working it out. Miley waited. She didn't feel like explaining herself tonight. Finally Lilly said, "You can't change the past."

Miley felt a flash of blinding fury at the fact that even Lilly, who understood, would not sympathize. But then she thought of Angel saying, _Death is beyond change_, and her anger dissipated. Because the past wasn't. Because Miley _had_ changed the past. Her past, and Lilly's, and that had gotten them here.

"I know," Miley said. She knew that what Lilly should have said was, "You _shouldn't_ change the past." But Lilly was too nice for that. She was being kind. It hurt worse than a sterner rebuke would have. "I'm sorry," she said. "I just don't know how much of this is Hannah's and how much is mine."

She waited for Lilly to tell her that all of it was hers and closed her eyes in relief when Lilly didn't. But perhaps she was only being kind again.

"You know they all love Hannah," Miley said. "Not just the fans. Keith, Diana, Jenny, Jerry...all of them. That's why they've done all of this, that's why they do things for me. Because they love her."

"They _did_," Lilly said.

"Yes," Miley agreed. She got up and went to look out the window at the black, oblivious night and the twinkling lights that held it back. She thought Lilly might be right. They had loved Hannah. But she hadn't made it easy for them to keep that love, that ideal. She didn't think they would have stayed so long, and done so much, on the strength of only Hannah's memory. And that was something.

After a moment she said, "My album just went platinum."

"Congratulations," Lilly said.

———————————————

The bus rolled to a stop and the engine died, the sudden lack of its rumbling vibrations bringing Miley awake. She groaned and yawned before hitting the backlight button on her watch. Four a.m. Jesus. She'd only been asleep for about three hours and her mouth tasted like week-old vomit. For a minute she considered going back to sleep right where she was, screw the hotel, but then she tried to turn over, cracked her elbow against the back wall, almost fell out of the bunk, and remembered why it had taken her so long to fall asleep in the first place.

"Bitch," Miley hissed, cradling her elbow. That was the third time in two days she'd banged her elbow, and she was really starting to hate that wall.

Jenny's groggy voice came out of the dark. "Miley?"

"Yeah, I'm up," Miley answered, pulling back the curtain that screened her bunk. In the bunk below her, Jenny poked her head out and blinked up at her. Miley swung her legs over the side and jumped down. "Come on. Let's go check in."

Cold air shocked her a little more awake as she stepped out of the bus and waved to Nathan and Rick where they were spilling out the door of the other bus. Mike already had the luggage compartment open. An icy wind whipped at her hair and made the tips of her ears go numb, slicing through the thin fabric of her shirt. Not stopping to put on her coat had been a really stupid idea. Shivering, Miley hurried to grab her suitcase and roll it across the uneven asphalt to the revolving door of the hotel.

The Tipton lobby looked familiar, but Miley couldn't tell if that was because she'd stayed there before or if it was just that, after a certain point, all hotel lobbies kind of looked the same. Heat immediately surrounded her, making her shiver even harder. Miley glanced back over her shoulder through the glass doors. One of the wheels on Jenny's suitcase had gotten caught in a hole in the pavement and Pete was helping her lift it out. The guys from the other bus were still unloading their luggage, evidently in no hurry to get inside. Of course, they'd been smart enough to put their coats on.

Miley headed across the dimly-lit lobby towards the unmanned check-in desk, thinking it was a good thing Lilly wasn't there or she'd be yelling at her for being such an idiot, and then swallowing hard against the loneliness that flared up in her the way it always did when she thought about Lilly. Setting her suitcase upright, Miley rang the bell on the desk twice. It chimed out brightly and the door behind the desk opened before the sound died away, admitting a slim blonde woman in a dark gray skirt suit with pink pinstripes that matched her blouse.

"Welcome to the Tipton," the woman said, looking way too awake for four o'clock in the morning. Her brass-colored nametag said Fitzpatrick in block letters. "How can I help you tonight?"

Miley gave her name and explained how everyone else was on their way in. "Of course," Ms. Fitzpatrick said. "Ms. Coleman called earlier this evening to confirm, and since you were arriving so late I went ahead and checked you in using the credit card number she gave me. If I can just verify that you have the card, I can get the bellhop to take you right up."

"Jenny – uh, Ms. Coleman has it. She's right behind me."

"No problem," Ms. Fitzpatrick said. The look of dawning recognition on her face made Miley nervous. "Hey, aren't you – " No, no, no, Miley thought, it's four fucking o'clock in the goddamned morning and I don't have the energy for this shit right now. Please no. " – Hannah Montana?"

Miley bit back a sigh. There was a headache forming behind her eyes, dull and throbbing. "Yeah."

The woman emitted a squeal that doubled the intensity of Miley's headache. "Oh my god, this is so awesome, I can't believe you're here! I didn't even recognize you, your hair looks so different, I mean, it looks great – " Miley doubted that, being all too familiar with what her hair looked like when she was woken up in the middle of the night. " – just different, and – "

Miley looked longingly over her shoulder at the door as the girl continued to babble. What the hell was taking everyone so long? "Listen, Hannah," Ms. Fitzpatrick said.

"It's Miley," Miley corrected her. They were going to be in Boston almost a week, and she was not going to listen to this woman call her Hannah for the duration.

"Right, of course, I'm so sorry. I'm Maddie."

"Nice to meet you," Miley said, shooting another look at the door. Seriously, how long could it possibly take to walk across the parking lot?

Maddie gaped at her for a second, then closed her mouth, the excitement on her face dampening a bit. "Actually," she said. "We met once before."

Crap. Her head throbbed. She hated it when this happened: it always made her feel guilty, like she was letting down her fans. She tried to remember everyone she met, but there were just so many of them. And it must have been years since she'd met her, Miley rationalized, or maybe she hadn't, maybe it had been the other Miley, but that didn't make her feel any better. "Sorry," she muttered.

"Oh, it's nothing," Maddie said, smiling brightly. "Gosh, it's been forever, I'm sure you've met like a million people since then, I wouldn't expect you to remember me. Plus, I was working the candy counter back then, so I had a different uniform. Now I'm doing the whole night manager thing while I'm in med school. Anyway, listen, like I was saying, since it's you, let me just go ahead and give you the room key and then – "

The front door started revolving and everyone steamed in all at once. Jenny was in front, clutching an armload of clothes with Pete followed behind with her suitcase thrust under one arm. "Sorry," Jenny said, hurrying over. "My suitcase got stuck in a hole and then it fell over when we pulled it out and popped open and we had to pick everything up. I think the zipper's broken."

"She needs the credit card," Miley told her, too tired and her head hurting too much to care about a broken suitcase.

"Right," Jenny said. "Can you – ?" She held out the pile of clothes and Miley accepted them, just wanting this to be done with so she could go back to bed.

A flurry of activity followed as keycards were handed out and the single bellhop on duty arrived to help everyone to their rooms, and it wasn't until Miley had deposited Jenny's clothes in her room and retreated back to her own that she realized she'd forgotten the night manager's name. Again. Dammit.

Miley pulled the covers on the bed back and crawled in without bothering to change into pajamas, flopping down on her stomach and burying her face in the down pillow. She'd have Jenny ask the girl about it tomorrow.

———————————————

The glowing red numbers on the hotel clock by her bed read precisely twelve a.m. when Miley pulled up Lilly's number and hit the call button.

"So was day four in Boston?" Lilly asked, picking up on the first ring. "Did the concert go okay?"

Even though it was pointless over the phone, Miley made a face, then lay back on the still-made bed. Her legs hung over the side, bent at the knees, and she slowly toed off her shoes. They'd just made it back from the concert. "Fine. Really cold, but at least it didn't snow any more."

"Can you hear yourself?" Lilly said.

"What?" Was she complaining too much or something?

"I'm watching you," Lilly explained. "I finished my last application – "

"That's great!" Miley interrupted.

"Yeah, I am _so_ happy to be done with them, especially since now I won't have to work through Thanksgiving. Not on those, anyway. So to celebrate I decided to reward myself by watching your latest interviews."

"Oh my god," Miley groaned. "You have to be kidding me. How are you even getting those?"

"Well, there's this thing called the internet," Lilly joked. "And on it there're these websites – "

"Yeah, yeah, I get it," Miley broke in. "You shouldn't waste your time on those, they're all horrible. And boring. The same old Hannah crap over and over again."

"They are not!" Lilly protested. In the background, Miley could hear laughter and a wave of applause. "You're different, though, have you noticed that?"

"What are you talking about?" She kicked her shoes out of the way and swung her feet back and forth, toes tingling as her socks slipped over the carpet.

"You're different. When you're being interviewed, when you're onstage, when someone recognizes you. You act different, like a whole other person."

A whole other person? That wasn't true. Miley wrinkled her nose. Was it? "No, I don't."

_Different Stars_ came through the phone, underlying Lilly's next words. "Yes, you do. I – well, you won't like this, but I kind of think of it as your Hannah-face. It's like you're all polite and happy and shiny, like you're perfect."

"Perfect, huh?" Miley said. She knew she acted differently, that was just the way it worked. Polished, professional, polite: that had been drilled into her head at age twelve, and by now it was second nature. But like a whole other person? A perfect one? Was that why Lilly watched those interviews, to see her like that? To see what she'd be like if she were perfect? Her feet stilled and she dug one big toe into the carpet. "Is that how you want me to be?"

The Miley singing out of Lilly's speakers got through two lines of the chorus before Lilly answered. "Don't be stupid," she said quietly. "I love your warts."

Miley swallowed. There was a lump in her throat and for a second she couldn't say anything because if she tried she'd start crying. How was it possible that she could love someone this much? "I miss you."

"Don't cry," Lilly said.

"I'm not," Miley lied, wiping tears out of her eyes with her free hand. She swallowed again to ease the ache in her chest.

"We'll see each other soon," Lilly reminded her. "It's only three more days until you break for Thanksgiving and we'll be up at the cabin."

"I know. It's just – " Miley sighed, throwing her arm over her eyes. Tears soaked into the fabric of her sleeve. "Three days is a really long time."

———————————————


	19. Have You Around

**So...does that mean they broke up Oliver and Joannie? Because I am not cool with that.**

**mileymadness: You don't actually have to send me stuff! Unless you want to, in which case, yay! That whole family is hilarious. I love Billy Ray's complete inability to give a shit about anything. And the way Metro Station was formed? HA. I still laugh every time I think about that.**

**Bladed Darkness: Sorry! It was not my intent to get people annoyed with Maddie. Somewhat the opposite, actually, but oh well.**

**Initiate Six: Haaaa, I find it amusing that you dislike Miley for her self-centeredness, because it is probably my favorite character trait of hers on the show. It would drive me batshit irl, but I absolutely love it on the show. It's just...okay, this is making me want to get into my crackpot characterization theories, so maybe I should go type those up since I said I would and then I'll have everything in one place. Also, Maddie was just a cameo. I think several people asked about that, and yeah, just a cameo, I don't plan to do anything else with her.**

**coffeeandcommunity: I am actually constantly shocked at how not-lazy I am when it comes to writing this story, because with everything else I'm like the slackest person you will ever meet. But with very few exceptions I write every night for a couple of hours, even when I don't want to and have to make myself. I think this is called self-discipline? It's a new experience for me! And I'm glad I'm not the only one who has problems writing things in order. It's **_**hard**_**. My brain just doesn't work like that.**

**Thank you thank you to everyone for reading and reviewing. We've kinda been going through the wringer the last handful of chapters, haven't we? I'm thinking it might be time to slow things down a bit, relax a little, let the girls recharge. And have Christmas!**

———————————————

**Chapter Nineteen: Have You Around**

———————————————

_I've got all I need  
And it's right here next to me  
In the morning  
In the evening  
In the warm where you lay  
The cold would melt away_

- The Rosebuds, _Warm Where You Lay_

———————————————

**Christmas 2013**

But three days passed, and so did the long four-day weekend of Thanksgiving. Still, it was only two and a half weeks between Thanksgiving and the end of Lilly's finals, and soon enough she was joining Miley in New Hampshire to spend a week on tour.

It was five days of being cramped in a bus or besieged by screaming fans or hanging around the hotel bored out of her mind while Miley did an interview, just like last time, but none of that seemed to matter. It seemed like Lilly was finally living her life again, like it had been on hold the past three months, like she'd been sitting in a doctor's waiting room and everything she'd done – school, work, law school applications – had been the equivalent of flipping through old magazines while she waited for the nurse to call her back.

Life went faster when you weren't waiting for something, she found, and before she knew it Miley had finished her last concert before New Year's. The tour was in Vermont when they broke, so they were flying into Nashville. Miley had added two extra shows in New York over New Year's, so she'd fly there from Nashville before heading back to join the rest of the crew in Jersey.

Thankfully, flying out on the seventeenth was early enough that there wasn't really a surge of traffic at the airport yet, and they made it through the usual crowds to their gate and onto the plane with little difficulty and only two fans asking for autographs.

Lilly would never get tired of flying first class. Roomier seats, better food, and most of all, you got to board before everyone else, eliminating that excruciating feeling of frustration you got when you could see your seat but couldn't get to it for a good fifteen minutes because the aisle was jammed with people trying to stuff too-big suitcases into the overhead compartments.

"So what's the plan?" Lilly asked once the last of those poor, unfortunate souls in coach had inched past them and the screens set into the backs of the seats in front of them flickered to life with the mandatory safety video. "Is everyone already going to be at your Mamaw's when we get there?"

"No," Miley answered, lowering the newspaper she'd been using to cover her face and pulling off the sunglasses that comprised half of her I'm-not-famous disguise. The other half was Robby Ray's hat, which he'd left at Mamaw's last summer and Miley had snagged when she went through Nashville on the tour and was now returning. "Just dad's out there right now. And actually you're lucky, because this is going to be a pretty quiet Christmas, since most of the family – "

"Wait," Lilly interrupted, holding up a hand. "Let me see if I can do this. There's your dad, Bobby Ray, Wilbur, Clem, Max, Bucky, Kenny, Marlene, and Earl," she said, reeling off the names of Robby Ray's siblings. She grinned at Miley's surprised look.

"Wow, I'm impressed," Miley said.

"Just don't ask me to name all the spouses. Or cousins."

Miley laughed. "No way, there's over forty of 'em, I wouldn't do that to you. Just as long as you know the names of everyone coming."

"Okay, so who's going to be there?" Lilly asked.

"Well, like I was saying, you're lucky because it's just going to be us and the ones who've stayed in Tennessee; everyone else is staying home because they were just up for Thanksgiving. Earl and Pearl only live about half an hour away from Mamaw's, so they're coming over Christmas morning, and then Uncle Bobby's coming Christmas Eve with Luann, his wife, and their kids and staying through Christmas."

Lilly wrinkled her nose. "Ugh, Luann's coming?" On the tiny screen, a tiny flight attendant was demonstrating how to use the seat cushion as a floatation device in the event of a water crash, which Lilly thought might be preferable to spending Christmas with Luann.

"Yeah," Miley grimaced. "We'll have to keep an eye on her."

"Definitely."

"But other than her the only cousins you really need to know are Marshall, Carrie, and Maggie. Those are Uncle Bobby and Rachael's kids."

"So, wait," Lilly said. "Rachael isn't Luann's mom?"

"Nope. They got divorced when Luann was about five."

"So why can't she spend Christmas with her mom instead of us?" Lilly complained.

"Probably because she hates me and has some evil plan to ruin Christmas?" Miley guessed.

"Oh. Right." The safety video ended and the seatbelt light came on, and Lilly could hear the door shut and the walkway detach before the plane started to slowly back away and turn so that it could head for the runway.

"Now Luann has an older brother and sister, too, but Russell just found out he got his latest girlfriend pregnant – this is the third time that's happened and the third girl it's happened with – so he's going to be with her and her family, and Lucy lives in Ohio with her husband and they have two toddlers who both have colds, so they aren't traveling right now."

"What about your Aunt Dolly, are we going to see her?" Lilly asked.

"Well, she and Mamaw don't really get along," Miley told her. "But I was thinking we might head out to Dollywood and try to catch the Christmas concert she does every year for the employees."

"Okay," Lilly said. "That sounds good. But I'm kind of sad I won't get to meet more of your family."

Miley shook her head. "No, it's probably a good thing. I don't think any of them are too thrilled by the idea of, well, us."

"Oh," Lilly said quietly. Stupid, she thought at herself, stupid, because she hadn't even thought of that possibility. Miley had never said anything about it, and Lilly had just assumed that all of Miley's family was as supportive as Jackson and Robby Ray had been.

"I mean, most of my cousins probably don't care, and it's been two years, so I doubt anyone is still seriously worked up over it, but yeah."

Great. Like she hadn't been nervous already over the prospect of meeting Miley's extended family, now she had to worry about them hating her before she even walked in the door. "But your Mamaw's okay with us, right?" It was going to be horrible staying there for two weeks if she wasn't.

"Yeah, she's fine with it, otherwise we wouldn't be going. In fact, I talked to dad last night after you fell asleep in the limo, and he said she hasn't shut up the past two days about meeting you and Sarah." Miley held up a finger. "But don't think that means we get to share a room, because that ain't gonna happen."

"Well, it's not like we'd be _doing_ anything anyway. I mean, it's your _grandmother's_ house, there's no way – "

"Oh, really?" Miley interrupted with a dangerous gleam in her eyes.

"Oh, no," Lilly said hastily. "Miley, that was _not_ a challenge."

"We'll see," Miley smirked, ending the discussion by burying her nose in the paperback copy of David Sedaris's latest book that Jenny had picked up for her before they left Montpelier.

The plane slowed to a halt and the pilot got on the intercom to announce that they were sixth in line for the runway and would be taking off about twenty minutes behind schedule. Lilly got out her own book and cracked it open, hoping the words would distract her from the fact that she was suddenly happy to have extra time before they got to Tennessee.

———————————————

Snow dusted the ground like powdered sugar on a pound cake. Asphalt was traded for gravel as Miley turned off the road and onto the winding, half-mile driveway that led up to Mamaw Stewart's house. "I thought Uncle Bobby and Uncle Earl were supposed to pave that this summer," Miley muttered.

"Oh, come on, Miles," said Jackson from the backseat. He and Sarah had gotten into Nashville a few hours before Miley and Lilly and had hung around the airport so they could all drive out to the farm together. "Are you really surprised something Uncle Earl was involved in didn't get done? Now can't you drive any faster? I really, really have to pee."

Sarah swatted at him. "Don't rush her," she hissed. The two hour drive from BNA had done nothing to lessen Sarah's nervousness at driving through snow. It didn't help that neither Miley nor Jackson took her worry seriously; both laughed and told her this couldn't even properly be considered snow, it was more like a light frost. Secretly, Lilly sympathized somewhat with the other native southern Californian – she remembered how nervous she'd been her first winter in Seattle – but she knew better than to open her mouth and make herself a target as well. And she had every confidence in Miley's driving abilities.

"Yeah, Jackson," Miley sing-songed. "Don't rush me." Jackson's tongue flashing in the rearview mirror was her answer.

Breath fogged the front passenger side window as Lilly smooshed her face up against it like a little kid. Out the window, a large field dotted with cows rolled by, a weathered wooden fence marking off the edges. "I didn't know you guys had so many cows."

"We don't," Miley said. "Mamaw just rents out the pastures. To Uncle Bobby, actually." Lilly sat back and used a fingertip to draw the outline of a heart in the fog on the window. Her finger sketched through the fog again, adding the initials L.T. and M.S. with a plus sign between them. "There's a couple horses in the barn, and I think we've still got the chickens, but Mamaw's getting older, she can't handle much more than that now."

"Yeah, just don't let her hear you say that," Jackson warned. He and Miley both shuddered at the thought.

The house came into view, a large, white, two-story house with a wide, wrap-around porch and dark blue shutters on the windows. Gravel crunched under the tires as Miley pulled the rental car over and parked next to a light brown Jeep Wrangler that looked like it dated back to the 1970s. "I can't believe she still hasn't gotten rid of that thing," Miley said.

"Are you kidding?" Jackson asked. He fumbled with his seatbelt and then the door handle. "The bottom could drop out of it and Mamaw would still be driving it around this place." The door swung out and Jackson leapt from the car and pelted across the gravel and up the steps to the porch, heading for the bathroom at all possible speed.

"And he's left us with all the luggage," Miley complained. "Figures." But no sooner had they climbed out of the car than the front door opened and Robby Ray and Mamaw came out to meet them.

"Miley Ray Stewart, look at you!" Mamaw exclaimed. "Come give your Mamaw a hug!" Before Miley could even take a step, Mamaw had descended and wrapped her up in one. "You know, your brother went runnin' by so fast I didn't get a chance to say word one to him. Now, step back, let me look at you." She grabbed Miley by the shoulders and held her out at arm's length. "I swear, you just get taller and prettier every time I see you. Didn't anyone ever tell you you're supposed to be done growin' at your age?"

"Mamaw, you know I stopped growing years ago." Miley blushed and Lilly and Sarah exchanged an amused look at how Mamaw just took charge and steamrolled over everything.

They shouldn't have done it, because it was their turn next. "Well, where are my manners?" Mamaw asked, turning on them. "Here I am bein' ruder'n Billy Sunday and ignoring our guests. Miley, introduce me to these two lovely ladies."

"Mamaw, this is – "

"Sarah, of course it is," Mamaw interrupted. Sarah was seized in a bone-crushing hug and then released. "I hear you've reformed our Jackson, young lady. Well done. You must run a tight ship, that's the only way to do it with these Stewart men."

"Now, mom," Robby Ray started.

"Don't you sass me, Robby Ray," Mamaw shot back. She held up a finger and Robby Ray fell silent, chastened. "That's exactly what I'm talking about," she told Sarah, lowering her voice conspiratorially. Lilly swallowed a laugh at the overwhelmed look on Sarah's face. The other girl clearly had no idea what to say, but she didn't have to say anything since Mamaw chose that moment to refocus her attention on –

"Lilly!" It was Lilly's turn for a bruising hug. "Oh, I'm so happy to meet you. You know, all I hear out of this one – " She waved a hand in Miley's direction. " – is Lilly this, Lilly that, Lilly, Lilly, Lilly." It was too close to call who was blushing more at that point, Miley or Lilly.

"It's nice to meet you, too, Mrs. Stewart."

"Please, child, call me Mamaw. Everyone does." She'd said that exact thing the last time Lilly had met her, six years ago in Malibu. Only that had never happened. Lilly's eyes locked with Miley's for a long moment. "Now you know what I said about Stewart men," Mamaw continued, oblivious, "well that goes double for Stewart women."

Lilly looked down at her. "Don't I know it," she said wryly.

"Hey!" said Miley.

Mamaw laughed. "I can see we're going to get along just fine." She threw one arm around Lilly's waist and the other around Sarah's. "Let's get you two California girls inside before you freeze. Robby Ray and Miley will be happy to get the luggage."

Just then the front door creaked open and Jackson came out onto the porch. "Hey, Miley, look what I got," he called. A squat green glass bottle swung by its neck from his fingers. "Dr. Enuf! And it's the la-a-a-a-st one!"

Miley took off for the porch at a dead run. "That's mine, Jerkson, you give it here!"

"You'll have to catch me first," Jackson hooted. He ran down the length of the porch and disappeared around the corner, Miley hot on his heels.

Mamaw shook her head as though it saddened her beyond belief to see her grandchildren behave in such a manner. "Y'all see what you've gotten yourselves into?" she asked Sarah and Lilly. Lilly had just been wondering the very same thing.

Jackson and Miley reappeared on the opposite side of the house with Miley inches away from latching onto the hood of Jackson's coat. "Jackson Rod and Miley Ray!" Robby Ray's voice cracked like a whip and stopped his two children in the their tracks immediately. "Get your butts over here before I have to whup 'em t'next Tuesday." Shooting murderous looks at each other, they complied. "Now give me that." One hand went out palm up. The bottle almost touched his palm before Jackson snatched it back.

"Oh, no, I ain't fallin' for that old trick. You just want it for yourself. Well, you ain't gonna get it." He turned and raced away across the yard. Robby Ray and Miley shared a look and then both ran after him.

Miley raced across the snowy grass, long legs eating up Jackson's head start, a look of mixed determination and happiness on her face. Her long hair streamed out behind her, only to whip into her face when she changed direction to keep after Jackson. Watching her, Lilly thought seriously for the first time about what it would be like to have children. Miley's children. Shouts and laughter puffed out of the Stewarts' mouths in the cold December air and Lilly imagined seeing her own children chase each other like that, little miniature versions of Miley, with smiles that could break your heart. Except maybe her kids could do it somewhere a little warmer. Then Mamaw sighed, and Lilly tucked the unexpected desire away, to be examined again later when she was alone.

"Never send a man to do a woman's job." Mamaw took her hand from Lilly's waist, put two fingers in her mouth, and blew. The resulting whistle was so loud Lilly jerked her head back and put a hand to her ear. On the other side of Mamaw, Sarah mirrored her actions. But it worked: out in the yard all three Stewarts were frozen in place. Letting go of Sarah, Mamaw walked towards them. "I must be getting old, because I know my eyes did not just see this kind of behavior out of the three of you in front of guests to our household." Three heads bowed in shame. "Give that here, Jackson." The bottle changed hands. "Now, luggage." One finger pointed at the rental car. "March!"

They marched. The three of them filed past Lilly and Sarah – Miley winked at Lilly as she went by, letting her know they weren't really in trouble – and retrieved the luggage from the trunk, carrying it into the house. Mamaw waited until they were inside, then twisted the plastic cap off the bottle and downed a swallow. She grinned. "Sometimes it's good to be the Mamaw."

Lilly and Sarah just stared at her, not understanding what all the fuss was about. "Their mama was from Elizabethton," Mamaw explained. "Out near Bristol. She always kept this around the house when they were growin' up, so now I try to lay in a stock whenever I'm out that way. Don't worry, there's plenty more in the basement, this was just the last one in the fridge. Come on, let's get you girls inside."

Sarah tugged on Lilly's sleeve and they lagged behind Mamaw Stewart as they headed for the house. "Did you understand anything she just said?" Sarah whispered.

"Not a word," Lilly told her.

"As long as I'm not the only one," Sarah said, and Lilly chuckled.

The front door opened into a little entry room, beyond that was a passageway running perpendicular to the room. It was open to the living room on the opposite side and Lilly could see a large Christmas tree set up, already decorated and with piles of presents underneath. Off to the right were stairs, and farther down what looked like the kitchen. To the left the passageway ran into another hallway, and when Lilly checked to see if everyone was down there she found two bedrooms, both empty.

They caught up with the Stewarts upstairs, where they were milling around in the hallway, everyone but Mamaw with suitcases in their hands. "Mamaw, where do you want everyone?" Jackson asked.

"Jackson, you're in with your daddy," Mamaw instructed. Robby Ray ducked into a room and came out a second later without the suitcase. "And I've put Lilly and Sarah in here," she continued, opening the door across the hall from Robby Ray's room. Leaving her suitcase in the hall, Miley deposited Lilly's in the room while Jackson did the same with Sarah's.

Lilly poked her head in the door. The room had a dark hardwood floor, with an orange and white tasseled rug next to the queen-sized bed that matched the Tennessee Vols afghan folded over the foot of the bed. There were two low dressers on either side of the door and an easy chair and a standing lamp over in the corner next to the window.

"Miley, you'll be in the bunk room," Mamaw said from the hall. "You can share with your cousin when Bobby Ray and his brood come next week." Great, Lilly thought. Luann. Just what they needed. Miley trooped back out and took her suitcase to the room at the end of the hall. "Now why don't y'all get washed up while I get supper out of the oven and on the table."

The hallway cleared of everyone but Lilly in seconds. She hesitated, then made her way to the door at the end of the hall. Miley's room was half the size of the one she'd been put in, and the only furniture besides a set of bunk beds pushed against the far wall was a straight-back wooden chair near the door. "Hey."

Miley turned from looking out the window, a smile blooming across her face when she saw Lilly. "Hey." Two seconds later Lilly's face was being covered with kisses. Lilly laughed and tried to catch Miley's lips with her own, finally succeeding.

"They split us up," Lilly complained quietly a few minutes later.

"Toldja they would," Miley replied.

"Yeah. I can't believe Jackson and Sarah are too, though. I mean, they've been engaged for two years!"

Miley laughed. "Engaged ain't married, and you don't get a room together until you are. But don't worry, it won't be a problem for us."

"How do you figure that?" Lilly asked. She kissed Miley's chin.

"Because Mamaw goes to bed early, which means you'll be sleeping in here with me," explained Miley.

Lilly eyed the bottom bunk. It barely looked big enough to fit one person, let alone two. She and Miley would have to sleep practically on top of each other. She smiled and leaned into Miley's embrace. "Works for me."

———————————————

The first morning in Tennessee Lilly was up before the sun, though for once it wasn't from habit. Miley nudged her awake in the pitch black, and for a moment Lilly was disoriented and couldn't remember where they were or what possible reason Miley could have for being awake this early.

"Wha...?" she mumbled, pulling her head off Miley's shoulder and realizing she'd been drooling on Miley's pajamas. She wiped at the wet patch ineffectually with her sleeve.

"Sorry, babe," Miley said. "But Mamaw goes to bed early because she gets up even earlier."

"Oh, ri – " Lilly said, the rest of the word getting cut off by a yawn. She needed to get back into her assigned bed before Mamaw caught them. The thought of leaving the warm bed to climb into the cold half of the one down the hall wasn't at all appealing, but Lilly heaved a groan and nonetheless started to crawl over Miley and out from under the covers.

"We don't have to do this, you know," Miley said. "You could just – _ow_ – " One of Lilly's elbows had accidentally nailed her in the ribs. " – sleep in with Sarah all night. I want you getting rest on this trip."

"No, it's okay, I think I'll be able to get back to sleep," Lilly assured her. Crouching by the side of the bunk, she leaned over and kissed Miley deeply. "Besides, I'm sure you'll find some way to make this little arrangement worth my while."

"You can count on that," Miley said, reaching out a hand for her, but Lilly just laughed and caught her by the wrist.

"Ah, ah, ah," she chided. "Your grandmother's house, remember?"

"But you _just said_," Miley pouted.

"Sorry, toad, I'm not giving in that easily," Lilly said, pressing a quick kiss into Miley's palm before she stood and walked to the door

"Great," Miley grumbled after her. "Now _I_ won't be able to get back to sleep."

Lilly laughed again and slipped off down the hall. _She_ was able to get back to sleep, even if Miley wasn't, and she woke a few hours later, feeling nicely rested and wanting nothing more than to spend the day lazing about and having Miley show her around.

But it turned out Miley wasn't as relaxed, still keyed up with all the energy she used while on tour, so after a hearty breakfast – Lilly ate everything but the grits – Lilly found herself back in the rental car pulling off the Stewarts' property.

"Where are we going?" she asked, having been bundled into her coat and the car almost before she was done with her last piece of bacon.

"I thought you might like to see where we're spending all our money," Miley said. "I know I would."

The drive took about half an hour through hilly fields patched with snow and dotted with cows and cylindrical bales of hay. Buildings suddenly popped up out of nowhere like mushrooms after a rain, forming the outskirts to a very small town. Miley navigated down several side streets before pulling into the parking lot of a red brick building with a sign out front proclaiming it Bell Buckle High School. The lot was about three-quarters full, which told Lilly school was definitely still in session, but they were able to find a place to park without any trouble.

"The Foundation donated money here?" Lilly asked.

"You could say that," Miley said. "Come on, let's go take a look."

Cold chapped at Lilly's nose and ears, but the walk to the front doors didn't take long, and soon enough they were inside and shrugging out of their coats. The school was nice, obviously new and still squeaky clean, without that layer of grime that would inevitably build up over the years. Floor-to-ceiling glass walls closed in two sides of the front office, making it easy for everyone inside to keep an eye on the goings on in the hallways going past it.

Lilly followed a step behind Miley as she strode into the office, watching as Miley's back straightened and her chin came up a little, her Hannah face settling like a mask over her features, friendly and confident, but a little distant.

At the moment, the only person in the office was an older woman with short, gray hair and horn-rimmed glasses. She wearing a red cardigan with dancing reindeer on it and was sitting at a computer behind the reception counter. She looked up as they approached. "Can I help you?" she asked, sounding annoyed at the interruption.

"Yes, we're from The Oliver Foundation," Miley said, smiling smoothly, turning her natural charm on the woman.

The woman's attitude immediately underwent a complete reversal. "Oh," she exclaimed, jumping up from her chair coming out from behind the counter. "Oh, how wonderful! Can I just say how deeply grateful we here in Bell Buckle are for all you people have done?" She pumped first Miley's hand and then Lilly's with enthusiasm.

"Thank you," Lilly told her, bemused. Exactly what _had_ they done to get this kind of reaction? "Ms..."

"Oh, Mrs. Miller, dear, Mrs. Miller."

"Mrs. Miller, I'm Lilly Truscott, and this is my...associate, Ms. Stewart." Out of the corner of her eye, Lilly could see Miley's mouth twist up into a smirk at her introduction.

"I'm so pleased to meet you both," Mrs. Miller said. "Now what can I do for you today?"

"Well, we were hoping we could see the school," Miley said smoothly. "Just to take a look at the facilities, you know, see if there are any areas that might need more help."

"Of course, of course," Mrs. Miller said, going back behind the counter and rummaging in a drawer. "Although I can tell you right now there won't be any of those." The fluorescent overhead lights reflected off the lamination on two visitor's badges hung on black cord as Mrs. Miller handed one to each of them. "Just put those on and I'll take you in to meet the principal, I'm sure she'll be delighted to give you a tour."

"Oh, that's all right," Miley started. "We can just show ourselves – "

"Well, as I live and breathe," another voice broke in, "Miley Stewart, is that you?"

Lilly saw the Hannah-mask slam back down as Miley turned to face the source of the voice, only to disappear in the blink of an eye. "Ms. Jenkins?" Miley asked, clearly not believing her eyes.

"It is you," Ms. Jenkins said. "And all grown up, too!" Ms. Jenkins was a short, heavyset woman with frizzy brown hair that just touched her shoulders. She was dressed conservatively in a long beige skirt and black sweater, her only concession to the season being a red and green holly brooch pinned over her left breast.

"What are you doing here?" Miley asked, walking over and giving the woman a hug.

"Oh, my husband and I moved out here a couple years ago," Ms. Jenkins explained. "You know, we always wanted to live out in the country, we were both raised out here, but we stayed in Nashville til the kids were through school, the conditions out here were just so horrible. Of course, you can see that's not the case now."

"They know all about that, Kathy," Mrs. Miller said. "They're from The Oliver Foundation."

"Are they, now?" Kathy asked, giving Miley a long, speculating look that Miley shrugged off uncomfortably.

"Ms. Jenkins was my third grade teacher," Miley told Lilly, changing the topic.

"And it's a year I'll never forget," Kathy said, eyes twinkling. Miley's cheeks reddened. "But what are you doing out here, and so close to Christmas?"

"They're here to see the school," Mrs. Miller said. "I was just about to take them in to see Ms. Humphrey."

"Oh, I don't think that's necessary," Kathy said shrewdly. "How about I just take you around, Miley, would that be all right?"

Miley shot her a grateful look. "That would be wonderful."

"I don't know," Mrs. Miller started. "I'm sure Ms. Humphrey would want to know – "

"Now, now, Dolores, she's a busy woman, she doesn't have time to play tour guide," Kathy interrupted. "I have a free period next class, and besides, this will give us a chance to catch up, and I'll bring them by to see Ms. Humphrey before they leave. So that's settled, then?"

Mrs. Miller opened her mouth to say something, but Kathy pretended not to see and shooed Miley and Lilly out of the office before the woman could say a word. They hadn't gone more than a few steps down the hallway when a bell rang signaling the end of class.

"I expect we'd better wait in here until class change is over," Kathy said, opening a door marked Teachers' Lounge. "Unless, that is, you came here _wanting_ to be mobbed by most of the student population."

"No, ma'am," Miley assured her. She scooted into the room just as the halls filled with raucously yelling students, pushing Lilly ahead of her.

The room was currently deserted, but it had a couch on one end and a fridge and sink on the other, with a small table surrounded by four chairs in the middle. Cabinets and a counter with a microwave, coffeemaker, and one of the hot water dispensers that had become popular a few years back lined the back wall. Kathy motioned for them to sit at the table and offered them drinks, which they declined.

"Dolores is a sweetheart, God bless her," Kathy said, making herself a cup of tea and taking a seat next to Lilly and across from Miley. "But the good Lord knows she doesn't exactly have her finger on the pulse of popular culture. I, on the other hand – " She wagged a finger at Miley. " – do you have any idea how many Z12 phones I've confiscated this year because they were tryin' to listen to your music during class?"

Miley had the grace to look ashamed. "Sorry," she winced. Lilly laughed at her and she kicked Lilly's ankle under the table. "I'm usually not quite _that_ popular with the high school set."

"Here you are," Kathy told her. "You know how we love our own. But that's not what you came here to talk about. Are you really with The Oliver Foundation?"

"Yes," Lilly said, "we are."

"And what you really mean by that is that you _are_ The Oliver Foundation," Kathy said, eyes steady on Miley.

"Got it in one," Miley said, grinning.

"Well, I've been a teacher for almost thirty-five years now, Miley Stewart, nothing gets by me."

"Oh, believe me, I remember."

"And you, dear?" Kathy asked, turning to Lilly. "Do you work for Miley at the Foundation?"

"Uh, no...," Lilly said, not sure of how Miley would want her introduced.

"This is Lilly, Mrs. Jenkins," said Miley. "She's my girlfriend."

"Oh," Kathy said, looking a bit confused. Miley took Lilly's hand and placed them both on the table. "Oh," Kathy said with dawning comprehension. Lilly nervously bit the inside of her cheek. "Well, in _that_ case, have I got some stories to tell you!"

A big smile lit up Lilly's face and Miley groaned. "Come on now, surely no one wants to hear – "

Kathy spoke right over her. "Why, there was this one time – and I know she tries to present herself as a perfect angel, but I suspect you know by now that ain't true – she was always too clever for her own good by half – anyway, there was this one time when Jackson and a bunch of his friends got it in their heads to pull a prank, and they all brought a chicken into school."

"Oh no," Miley moaned. "Not the chicken story." She folded her arms on the table and put her head down on them to hide her face.

"Well, they meet up in back of the school before it starts, and Miley was with 'em; she always used to tag along after her brother in those days. Now, they've got five chickens, all right? And two of these chickens are lookin' pretty similar, so they hit on the bright idea to borrow some string from the art room and tie it around one of 'em so they can tell them apart after. So they send Miley for the string, and – now I find all this out after the fact, you understand – "

Lilly nodded, spellbound.

" – and she comes runnin' back with a whole mess of string and some slips of paper besides, and she says, 'Why don't we number 'em?' Well, the boys don't see the point of that, but quicker'n a jackrabbit, she numbers the slips one, two, three, four, and six and ties one around the neck of each chicken."

"But...," Lilly said. Miley lifted her head and gestured that she should let Kathy continue.

"So the bell rings and they set those birds loose in the hallway and scamper off to class. Not twenty minutes later, here comes the principal over the intercom sayin' we've got chickens runnin' around in the school. Well, all heck breaks loose and all the kids are tryin' ta get out in the halls to see what's goin' on. We had to round everyone up and keep 'em in the cafeteria while the admin staff and some of the other teachers tried to catch the birds. Now, out here, it'd'a been different, but in Nashville mosta them were city folk, couldn't catch a chicken if their lives depended on it. But eventually, they get 'em all caught – 'cept they've got five chickens with one, two, three, four, and six on 'em, so of course they're thinking there's still a chicken out there with a five on it."

Wide-eyed, Lilly stared at Miley, who grinned and nodded.

"We had those kids holed up in the cafeteria goin' on two hours while they combed the school lookin' for it," Kathy continued. "Til this one here marches up to me, cool as you please, and says, 'Ms. Jenkins, can we go back to class now? There is no number five chicken, and I don't want to miss music.'"

"You _didn't_," Lilly whispered.

"I did," Miley confirmed, looking inordinately pleased with herself.

"Oh my god, Miley." Lilly started to giggle. "That is terrible."

Kathy joined in the laughter. "Terrible? It was all I could do not to start laughing then and there. I swear, we woulda been in there all day if she hadn't spoken up. Jackson couldn't believe she'd given up the prank."

"What?" Miley shrugged, blushing. "I really liked music class."

"You, young lady," Lilly said, wagging her finger in an imitation of Ms. Jenkins, "are too _cute_ for your own good."

Miley snatched her finger out of the air and held onto it. "Hey, I learned my lesson," she said. "Daddy wasn't too happy with either of us." She shifted around in her chair like she was still feeling the pain from that whipping'. "Even though he was the one that told me the prank in the first place! He and Uncle Bobby pulled it back in high school."

"Well, I don't know about you learning your lesson," Kathy said. "Because there was that time about a month later – "

The shrill sound of the bell cut over her and Miley jumped up, looking relieved. "Great! Class has started, guess we can go on that tour now!"

Kathy and Lilly looked at each other and broke out laughing again. There was a tug on Lilly's finger and she looked up to see a barely perceptible pout on her girlfriend's face. "All right, all right, we're coming," she said, knowing Miley had reached her teasing tolerance level.

They walked all the hallways, peeking into the classrooms and walking through the media center and the computer lab with Kathy pointing out how state-of-the-art everything was. "I don't get it," Lilly said quietly to Miley when they were once again standing in front of the glass walls of the office. "It's just a school. A nice one, but...did we donate the computers or something?"

"No, honey," Miley said slowly. "We donated the _school_."

"We _what?_" Lilly exclaimed.

"The school and everything in it," Kathy said. "You didn't know?" Lilly shook her head. "It was a godsend, that's what it was. The building we were in before – horrible. You wouldn't believe me if I told you. You should take her out to see it, Miley."

"Is it still standing?"

"Oh, yeah, you know how it is out here: never waste anything if you can still get some use out of it. They use it for adult education classes now, mostly literacy classes. Can't have kids in there anymore, though, they had an inspector come out right after we moved, condemned it for use by children." Lilly's jaw dropped in horror. "Take her out there, Miley, let her see for herself."

"I think I will," Miley said. "I've never been out there myself, I'd like to see it."

"You know how to get there? Just take a right out of the parking lot, go down to Green Street, take a left, then left again on Slate and it'll be about a half mile down on the right," Kathy explained when Miley shook her head. "Go on, get out of here, I'll cover for ya with the principal. She's a lovely woman, bless her heart, but she'll have you here all day."

"Thanks, Ms. Jenkins," Miley said, hugging her.

"Yes, thank you," Lilly echoed, a little surprised when Kathy let go of Miley and immediately embraced her, giving her a pat on the back.

"Think nothing of it," insisted Kathy, turning back to Miley. "I'm so glad I got to see you again. And I'm even gladder to see you happy and well." The last part was said so seriously that Lilly was left with no doubt she'd followed Miley's career as Hannah as well as her current one.

"Thanks," Miley said softly.

"You keep an eye on her, now," Kathy told Lilly.

"I will," Lilly promised. They waved good-bye and escaped down the hall before Mrs. Miller could realize they were leaving and sound the alarm.

Frosted breath formed a white cloud around their heads as they exited the school and hurried for the car and its promise of warmth. The car chirped at them when Miley pulled the key from her coat pocket and hit the automatic unlock button on the fob.

"You didn't tell me we donated whole schools," Lilly accused, slamming her door shut and making hurry-up motions because Miley was being a slowpoke about getting in and getting the heat started.

The car roared to life and Miley slapped Lilly's hand away from the heat controls. "Give it a minute, it's not warm yet," she ordered. "Have you learned nothing living in Seattle for two and a half years?" Lilly stuck her tongue out. She was _cold_, darn it.

"We usually don't," Miley continued, answering Lilly's earlier question. She put the car in gear and eased out of the parking spot and over to the road, making a right onto the street and finally switching the heat on. "Usually it's renovations, or what you thought: donating computers or books, things like that. But some of these schools are in such bad shape, the only thing you can do is start over from scratch. I had Jenny look into it all last year before the Foundation started up – there's pictures in the desk at home still, I think – and you wouldn't believe some of those places."

How bad could they possibly be? Lilly wondered. They were schools, there had to be some kind of standards in place.

"The problem," Miley explained, "is that funding is done by county, and most of it comes from property taxes, so up in Nashville, Knoxville, all the cities, they've got plenty of money and the school are great, but out here in the country they get screwed."

"But people like your Mamaw, Bobby Ray, Earl – they all own property."

"Yeah, but most people out here aren't living like that, Lilly. They're living like, well – look," she said, pointing out the window. Chain-link fences lined the road and small houses that were barely more than shacks sat close together with only dirt and snow in the practically non-existent yards.

"Wow," Lilly said.

"No kidding." Miley put on the turn signal and pulled into the parking lot of the old school building. The lot was a mix of mud and gravel and the tires almost spun out in muddy potholes several times as Miley guided the car closer to the building. The building itself was two stories and a dirty gray color, though Lilly guessed that it might have been white once upon a time. It was so run-down it looked like it was only minutes away from completely collapsing. Lilly couldn't believe it hadn't been condemned outright.

"And they had school in there?" she asked in disbelief.

"Up until this year," Miley confirmed, putting the car in park.

They picked their way through the otherwise empty lot and over the cracked sidewalk leading up to the front door. Someone had taped up a piece of notebook paper with the days and times of an adult literacy class scrawled across it. All the meetings seemed to be in the evenings, which explained why no one else was in there at this hour. The door opened easily and banged shut behind them, sending a shower of dust and bits of ceiling tile raining down on them.

"Jesus," Miley swore, batting the stuff out of her hair. Lilly accidentally inhaled some of the dust and started coughing. "You okay?"

"Yeah. Miley, it _smells_ in here."

"Yeah, I was noticing that," Miley muttered. Still, Lilly both forced herself to breathe through her nose, not wanting to risk any more coughing fits.

The hallway they found themselves in was covered in plenty of the grime that had been missing back at the new school. Cautiously, they made their way down the hall and poked their heads in the first door they found. It turned out to be a classroom, with rows of battered desks lined up in front of a blackboard. The ceiling tiles in the back half of the classroom were completely gone, leaving behind just the metal struts and a gaping hole that showed dangling bundles of wiring. The bottom of one of the windows had been knocked out and taped over with a plastic trash bag. There was a door to the outside, and it looked like the bottom few inches of it had corroded away. Dirty black rags had been ineffectually stuffed in the gap, but cold air still seeped into the room.

"How the heck do they heat this place when it's open to outside?" Lilly asked, pointing at the door.

"Uh, Lilly, I think the heat is strictly 'bring your own' here," Miley said. Lilly looked at her curiously and Miley plucked at the sleeve of her coat.

"No way," Lilly whispered. She'd thought the heat was just turned off since no one was there right now. How could anyone expect a kid to come to school when there wasn't any heat?

They left the classroom and went further down the hall, seeing several more classrooms in a similar state before they stumbled upon the auditorium. Old wooden seats filled the room, though about a quarter to a third of them were missing, and the backs on some of the rest had cracked. Lilly strongly suspected that the curtains on the stage down at the far end would be moldy, but she didn't intend to find out for sure.

"Whutch'all doin' in here?" a suspicious voice demanded from behind them. They both whirled around, confronted with a swarthy man with a thick thatch of dark brown hair dressed in a janitor's uniform. Though how he could hope to keep this place even remotely clean, Lilly didn't know.

"Uh, we're from The Oliver Foundation," Miley said, recovering first. "We're just looking around."

"Hmph," the man said, his expression changing to one of grudging respect. "I'm Ed. Got me a boy uppat t'high school. Workin' up there myse'f, an' it's a damn sight better'n this hellhole. Reckon you folks're okay by me."

"Thanks," Lilly said faintly. "I'm Lilly, and this is Miley."

"Pleased ta meetcha. I jus' come out here cuz the teacher teachin' them night class tole me the lights ain't workin', ask me t'come take a look. Y'all wanna see sumthin'?" He pushed past them into the auditorium before they could answer. Miley and Lilly shared a look and then Miley shrugged and they followed after him. He led them down to an electrical box next to the stage. The floor was uneven and creaked under their feet, and in more than one place the carpet running down the aisle was soaking wet or torn. A tangled mass of wires erupted out of the top of the box, some of which had been cut and were hanging down.

"It's why we couldn't use this place," Ed explained. "That'n them curtains ain't flame-retardant. Fire marshal said no, so fer two, three years fore we moved we couldn't have no assemblies, plays, nuthin'." He led them back out of the auditorium, Lilly mouthing 'wow' at Miley behind his back.

"Y'all picked a good time t'visit," he said once they were back out in the main hallway. "It's worse in the spring. Snow melts, plummin' backs up." He pointed to a drain set in the floor of the hallway. "Git sewage comin' up outta there, people walk through it, track it onta t'carpet, can't ever git the smell out."

"You have _got_ to be kidding me," Lilly said.

Miley shook her head. "Jenny showed me pictures. She said it's like that most of the spring, and the summer too, any time it rains a lot the whole system backs up."

Ed showed them a few more rooms before he said he had to go take a look at the lights if he was going to get back to the high school by the time his break was over. By then, Lilly was more than ready to leave. She burst out of the building and stalked back to the car, anger keeping her warm.

"I don't care if we have to build a community center or what," she spat, so angry her voice trembled a little. "That building is getting torn down. _No one_ should ever have to learn in a place like that."

Miley hit the unlock button and opened the car door. "I couldn't agree with you more."

———————————————

They were only halfway back, driving along a road that wrapped around the side of a mountain, when Miley pulled off onto an unmarked dirt track and parked the car out of sight of the road. Lilly looked around at the woods thickly lining both sides of the dirt road, unable to figure out why Miley would stop here. "What are we doing here? You can't tell me we donated money to the forest."

"No," Miley chuckled.

"So – "

"Come here," Miley said.

"What?" Lilly asked.

Miley motioned Lilly towards her with one hand, eyes focused on the corner of Lilly's mouth. "Come here, you got a little something..."

Lilly leaned forward in an automatic response to Miley's statement. By the time she realized she hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, Miley was kissing her. Her tongue slipped into Lilly's mouth and she kissed Lilly deeply for several minutes, hands cupping Lilly's cheeks, before pulling back.

Dazed, Lilly stared at Miley, not comprehending why she was unbuckling her seatbelt until Miley climbed over the seat into the back. Then it all became horribly clear. "Oh, no," Lilly said. "No, Miley. No way. We are _not_ having sex in the backseat of this car."

"Okay," Miley said. She started unbuttoning her shirt.

"I mean it, Miley. I made it out of high school without having sex in the backseat of a car, and I'm not doing it now." Miley nodded but kept unbuttoning her shirt. There was a growing strip of bare flesh and Lilly could see the soft swell of the top of Miley's breasts, the edges of her pale purple bra. "And this is a _rental_ car, Miley," she said, but her resolve was weakening and she didn't know if she was trying to convince Miley or herself. "And we're out in the middle of nowhere on a dirt – what is this road, anyway?"

Shirt now hanging open, Miley slid fingers under her waistband and popped the button on her jeans. Lilly swallowed. "I'm pretty sure it's a driveway," Miley said. "Didn't you see the mailbox?"

"A _driveway_?" Lilly ripped her eyes away from where Miley's fingers were busy unzipping her jeans. Her resolve was strengthening. Fast. "Miley, what if the people who own this driveway come back? Or try to leave?

"We'll be quick," Miley promised.

"No." Lilly turned around and crossed her arms over her chest. She was not having sex in broad daylight in the backseat of a rental car parked in someone's driveway. She wasn't.

"Okay," Miley said. "But you already said we're not having sex at Mamaw's. So we can either have sex here, or we can not have sex here and go back to Mamaw's and continue to not have sex for the next two weeks, at which point you go to Malibu and I go back on tour."

It took all of ten seconds before Lilly was scrambling over the seat to join Miley in the back. Her knee came down hard on Miley's thigh, right where it connected to her hip.

"Ow!" Miley yelled. "Jesus."

"Hey, you're the one that wanted to have sex in the backseat of a car," Lilly said. "Don't blame me when it turns out to be an uncomfortable experience."

Miley didn't answer, just grabbed handfuls of Lilly's shirt and pulled her down, kissing her urgently. Lilly was in the most awkward position ever: one knee digging into the crease of the seat where the bottom met the back while her other was between Miley's legs. Most of her weight was resting on the hand that had landed next to Miley's head, and this had better not take long, because her wrist was already starting to ache. She had no idea what to do with her other arm and kept trying to prop it against the back of the seat, but it kept sliding down.

Miley's tongue wrapped around hers and her hips bucked, pressing her up against Lilly's thigh. Lilly just hoped the seam of Miley's jeans was in a good place for her, because she didn't think there was room for her to get a hand or anything else down there.

"Lilly," Miley said, pulling her mouth away.

"What?"

"What do you mean, what?" Miley asked. Her hips jerked up again. "What do you _think_?"

"There isn't any _room_, Miley," said Lilly. "And I'm a little busy trying not to collapse and squish you." The ache in her wrist was getting worse. "And – "

"Well, work something out, Lilly," Miley snapped. "Millions of teenagers do it, it can't be that hard."

Lilly resisted the urge to regress back to high school and roll her eyes. Putting even more weight on her protesting wrist, she managed slide her other arm between their bodies and into Miley's undone jeans, under her panties. She had to twist her hand around and she could barely move her fingers. This was ridiculous.

"You've got one minute," she told Miley.

"Only need thirty seconds," Miley panted, her eyes squeezed shut. "Harder."

Lilly obliged. Her wrist was killing her now. She shifted her arm, slowly lowering herself so that her weight was on her elbow and her head was resting on her forearm next to Miley's head. Some of Miley's hair tickled her nose and Lilly concentrated on not sneezing while still keeping her hand moving, which was harder than it sounded. "Why is it I'm the one doing all the work when I didn't even want to do this," she muttered.

"Lilly," Miley said. "Don't take this the wrong way, because you're the love of my life, and in fact I love you more than life itself, but I really need you to shut the hell up right now."

Fine, Lilly thought. Anything to get this over with. She moved her fingers against Miley's clit, and it was awkward and the angle was wrong, but she hadn't spent the last two years having sex with Miley without learning a few tricks, and Miley came almost in less time than it had taken Lilly to get over the front seat. Miley's hips jerked _again_, which sent a sharp stab of pain through Lilly's arm, and they were never doing this again.

"See," Miley said, breathing heavily. "That wasn't so bad."

Lilly snorted. "Maybe from your end." She pulled her hand free and pushed herself up on her knees. Wiping her fingers clean on the inside of Miley's shirt, she started massaging her wrist. "I think I pinched a nerve or something."

Before Lilly knew what was happening, Miley sat up and grabbed the backs of Lilly's thighs, dumping her on her butt on the seat. She landed half on one of Miley's legs, which Miley immediately tried to squirm out from under her. "Miley, what are you _doing_?"

"Trying to return the favor," Miley grunted, fingers busy at Lilly's zipper. She'd gotten her leg free and was now kneeling on the floor behind the front seat.

"No, Miley, let's just go back, I don't – " But Miley had gotten her jeans undone and was now tugging them down, along with her underwear. Lilly sighed and lifted her hips to aid the process, trying to convince herself that none of the other people who had rented this car would be stupid enough to do what they were doing in it.

Miley had her jeans down past her knees now, and apparently thought that was good enough, because she stopped tugging on them and started tugging Lilly towards her instead. "Seriously, Miley – _shit!_" Her head slammed back against the top of the seat at the first touch of Miley's tongue on her clit. Outside the back windshield, bare tree branches tossed in the wind against a pearl-gray sky, making Lilly slightly dizzy. Or maybe it was Miley's mouth doing that.

Miley lifted her head. "You've got one minute," she said, grinning.

"Miley – "

"Yeah, I know: shut the hell up." She buried her face between Lilly's legs again, though Lilly's jeans were still around her knees and Lilly didn't know how she was finding room. Maybe Miley had done this before, Lilly thought, then pushed the idea out of her mind. She had other, more pleasant, things to think about.

Like the way Miley's tongue was pressing against her clit before she took it in her mouth, sucking steadily. "Miley," Lilly gasped, fingers scrabbling against the fabric of the seat cover, and god, she couldn't believe she was this close already. It was like the awkwardness of their positions was somehow increasing her arousal, even though it should have been the other way around. All those teenagers might be on to something after all.

Miley bit down on her clit gently, flicking her tongue against it, and Lilly tipped over the edge, screaming out wordlessly. Everything disappeared as her orgasm rocketed through her, and yeah, those teenagers were definitely on to something.

Finally starting to breathe again, Lilly looked down, her body still humming, to find Miley looking back at her, smug, her chin propped on Lilly's knee. "Okay," Lilly said. "We are totally having sex at your Mamaw's house."

Miley's eyes gleamed and her teeth flashed, and suddenly Lilly wasn't so sure that wasn't the outcome Miley had been planning all along.

———————————————

**Man, I can't wait for the movie to totally joss everything I'm writing about Tennessee. Good times. Also, I have no idea about the real state of schools in rural Tennessee. But I do know about schools in rural Georgia and South Carolina, and that's what the descriptions in this chapter were based on. I didn't exaggerate. I left stuff out.**

**All right, I'm going to go write Christmas cards now since I've deluded myself into thinking I'll actually send some out this year. See you guys Friday.**


	20. Don't Want To Hide

**Initiate Six: Yeah, I like Mamaw too much to make her homophobic. I'm glad you like what the Foundation is doing. In my head it expands a lot as more people get put on the board and take it in different directions according to their interests, but who knows if that will ever get written up. Which I guess brings me to your questions: (a) This fic will be 25 chapters and a short epilogue, (b) Yes, and (c) Good question...I haven't decided yet if I will continue writing in this verse after this story, so I guess you guys will have to let me know at the end of this fic if you want more. But in any case I will probably take a break from this verse after this and do something else first. **

**Kurrent: Wow, you had a lot more animal variety in your schools. I was more in a city so we mostly just had roaches. Lots and lots of roaches. We wrote odes to them. Oh, and then there was the mold, which was everywhere. And the fact that whenever it rained my desk and chair in one class would be covered in water, along with a three foot circle of carpet. And the school had originally been built with an open floor plan, so when they did get around to putting interior walls in, they were made of aluminum and had about the same thickness and strength as a sheet of foil. That building got torn down the year after I left, and I'm STILL pissed that my brother and sister got to go to the new one and I didn't. (It had real walls! **_**Real walls**_**.) And it's good I'm not screwing up Tennessee too badly. I've only spent time in Johnson City and thereabouts; I picked Bell Buckle off the map and really know nothing about it.**

**Pink Starship: Omg, that vid is awesome! **_**How**_** did you do all that? I wouldn't even know where to start. Thank you so much! You guys should all check out her profile and go see the video she made on youtube and tell her how awesome it is, which I cannot do properly since I'm lame and don't have an account over there so it won't let me comment. Seriously, it's an awesome vid.**

**Wannabe: Hi, I suck! I still haven't typed up that stuff. Yeah, I told y'all I'm a big slacker. I'll get to it eventually.**

**Thanks as always to everyone and have a great weekend!**

———————————————

**Chapter Twenty: Don't Want To Hide**

———————————————

_I want to know if you can sit with pain  
mine or your own  
without moving to hide it  
or fade it  
or fix it._

- Oriah Mountain Dreamer, "The Invitation"

———————————————

Six days in Tennessee were coming close to doing what two and a half years of living in Seattle had not: making Lilly like winter. In her defense, winter in Tennessee was much _better_ than winter in Seattle. Winter in Tennessee meant curling up with Miley in the oversized chair in front of the living room window, sipping hot chocolate and watching snow fall steadily outside, covering everything brown and dead with a blanket of pristine white. It meant running across that blanket and seeing her tracks stretch out behind her into the past, and learning how to make a snow angel, and the expression on Jackson's face when Miley nailed him with a snowball to the side of his head. It meant the look of pure shock on Miley's when Jackson dumped a handful of snow down the back of her coat in retaliation, and snowflakes like tiny diamonds caught in Miley's hair, and a four-way snowman-making contest judged by Mamaw, where it didn't matter who won, because everyone got freshly-baked snickerdoodles afterwards, still warm from the oven.

And the cold there was different from the cold in Seattle. Cold in Seattle froze you from the outside, raising goosebumps on your skin and stealing warmth from fingers and toes until they were nothing but blocks of ice. Tennessee-cold froze you from the inside out, you breathed it in and it made you a part of it so completely that you only started shivering when you came inside and didn't stop until a good ten minutes later, when you finally, as Lilly called it, melted.

Most of all, Tennessee winter meant that cold creeping in at night, cold that was kept away by burrowing with Miley under a mountain of blankets, the two of them pressed so close on the tiny bed that Lilly couldn't tell where she stopped and Miley started. That was the kind of winter that Lilly could really get used to.

But Lilly wasn't thinking about that the morning of Christmas Eve when she climbed out of that decadent haven of warmth. She was sulking because Bobby Ray and his family were coming later that day and staying the night, which meant Lilly was going to be stuck sleeping in the other room with Sarah, and Miley was going to be stuck keeping vigil all night to make sure Luann didn't try to stab her in her sleep.

Evidently Miley had a similar set of thoughts in her head, because she was quiet all through breakfast, and then snapped at a startled Jackson.

"Whoa, Mile," said her dad, "he just asked for the salt. What's wrong with you this morning?"

"What do you think's wrong with me?" Miley said crabbily. "Luann is coming."

"Oh no, don't tell me you're starting this again." Robby Ray shook his head at her and Jackson followed suit. Sarah just looked confused, and Mamaw stopped eating.

"Starting _what_?" Miley said, biting her words off. "You know she's evil."

"Your cousin is not evil, Miley," Robby Ray insisted. "How many times do we have to go through this?"

"You tell me," Miley shot back. "I thought we settled this when Luann came to visit us last time."

Now Jackson and Robby Ray looked as confused as Sarah. Dread settled in the pit of Lilly's stomach as she started to realize what was happening. "Last time?" Jackson asked.

"Yes, last time," said Miley hotly. "Remember when she came to Malibu over Halloween and she – "

"Luann never came to Malibu," Jackson blurted. Robby Ray nodded in confirmation.

Miley's mouth was still open, and it hung like that for a moment before she snapped it shut. All the color drained out of her face leaving it a pasty, sick gray. Lilly closed her fingers around Miley's wrist, felt her pulse fluttering faster than hummingbird wings. "I – " Miley stammered. "I was thinking about some – something else. I – " Miley stood so abruptly that her chair tipped over backwards and bolted out of the room.

Four identical expressions of shock moved from the empty doorway and trained themselves on Lilly. "She's fine," Lilly said, doing her best to inject some measure of confidence into her voice. "She – " Lilly gave it up. She didn't care what they thought; she need to make sure Miley was okay. "I'd better go check on her."

Miley was throwing up all the breakfast she'd just eaten in the upstairs bathroom off the hallway. Dropping to her knees next to her, Lilly carefully gathered Miley's hair back and held it, rubbing soothing circles on her back until the retching stopped. Then she helped Miley to her feet and flushed the toilet, closing the door to the bathroom while Miley rinsed her mouth out at the sink. "Are you okay?"

Miley's knuckles turned white as she clenched the edge of the marble sinktop. "I forgot." Her voice cracked on the last syllable. She turned to face Lilly, her eyes hollow. "It was just for a minute, but I forgot, and I – " Tears started streaming down Miley's face. Lilly stepped through the space between them and enveloped her in a hug.

"It's okay," Lilly murmured into her hair. It wasn't, but what else could she say? "It's okay, it's okay." Miley collapsed against her and they slowly sank to the floor in a heap, both of them crying now over things only they would ever know they'd lost.

———————————————

Crying like that could take a lot out of you, which Lilly rediscovered when she crashed on Miley's bunk after they'd cried themselves out and washed their faces, coming back to Miley's room so she could change her shirt. She'd only laid down for a minute, just to rest her eyes, but the next thing she knew she was being gently shaken awake. Sleep pulled at her, a warm black cocoon of comfort, and her body recognized Miley's closeness before she was aware enough to be fully conscious of it and responded by snuggling closer to her in an attempt to make the shaking stop. "Sorry, frog princess, but we gotta get up," said Miley's voice in her ear.

The nickname made Lilly smile and she finally forced her eyes open. "How long did we sleep?"

"Couple hours," Miley said.

Groaning, Lilly wormed a hand out of the blankets and scrubbed at her face. "I feel like a truck ran me over."

Miley slipped out from under the blankets and walked to the window. "Hey, you call me that and you aren't even going to kiss me?" Lilly complained, immediately missing having her so close. But she supposed they couldn't stay in bed all day.

"Maybe I like you better as a frog," Miley teased.

Lilly sat up, noticing for the first time that Miley had pulled the quilt off the top bunk and used that to cover them. Layered on top of the quilt was a gray fleece blanket Lilly couldn't remember seeing before. "Where'd this blanket come from?"

"Dad and Jackson's room. I guess Dad checked up on us." Lilly yawned and got up to join Miley at the window. Sun reflected off the snow on the ground, nearly blinding her as she looked out. They were on the back side of the house and rolling fields stretched for a couple acres before the cleared pastures ended and forest covered the hills. Miley's family owned everything down to the river, another several acres off, and then a much longer swath of land out to the sides, along with a bit of the area across the street on the front side of the house. Halfway between the house and the woods on this side was a dilapidated old barn, only the upper half visible from the window, scattered scraps of red paint still clinging to its weathered-gray surface.

Grinning, Miley turned to her. "Let's go out to the barn."

"I don't know," Lilly said dubiously. "It doesn't look very safe."

"Not the old barn," Miley told her. "The new one. I want to show you what we hillbillies did for fun when we was just younguns." She laid her accent on thick for the last half of the sentence, making Lilly laugh.

The new barn was set back from the house behind a line of tall trees that hid it until you were almost right up on it. The large building was divided into two parts, a smaller section that housed the horses and a section almost three times its size that was filled with hay bales. The larger section only had three walls, the fourth side being open to the weather, and it was that section Miley led Lilly into now. They'd been out to visit the horses earlier in the week, but hadn't done more than glance into this side.

"Wow," Lilly said. Her head tilted back, trying to see the top of the jumbled pile of bales. "That's a lot of hay." They weren't the kind of hay bales she was used to picturing: rectangular and small enough to be picked up and thrown around. No, these were cylindrical bales taller than Lilly by a head and probably twice her height in length. There was no way they could be moved by hand.

The main pile of bales kind of tapered off towards the front of the barn. They were standing next to a single bale and behind it was a stack two bales high, behind that three, before the big pile started. Miley dug her fingers under one of the pieces of the colorless twine that held the bales together. "What are you doing?" Lilly asked.

Miley pulled herself up and scrambled to jam her toes into the side of the bale. She pulled and clawed her way up on top, flopping forward on her face and then turning around to peer down at Lilly. "You didn't think we just sat around and _looked_ at the hay, didja?"

Lilly took an experimental grip on the twine. The circulation to her fingers was immediately cut off and they turned bright red. "Ow," Lilly said, pulling her hand free and shaking it up and down to restore blood flow. "How the heck did you do that?"

"Practice. And being too stupid to know better. Lucky for you, you get the easy way up." A hand descended over the side of the bale.

"Won't I just pull you off?"

"Don't worry, I'm anchored." Miley's hand opened and closed several times in a hurry-up gesture, so Lilly grabbed it and fastened her other hand around Miley's arm and let herself be hauled up.

On top of the bale, she saw that Miley's idea of being anchored had been to hook her free hand under the twine. "Miley! You're going to saw your fingers off!"

"They're fine." Miley was already scrambling up the next bale. In moments they were on top of the pile, and Lilly was glad they'd made the trip. It was neat up there, like a fort, with hay bale hills behind her and the barn floor far below. She turned to express her appreciation to Miley, but the other girl was gone.

"Miley?" Lilly crawled away from the edge, then got to her feet. There was no way she was going to try to climb any bales herself, but it was easy enough to make her way around the few that were above her current level as she moved towards the back of the barn. She just had to be careful where she stepped, so she didn't fall into any of the gaps. "Miley?"

Suddenly, something clamped hard around her ankle and Lilly screamed, almost jumping out of her skin. It wasn't until the echoes of her scream off the barn walls died down that she heard the peals of laughter and realized it was her girlfriend's hand fastened on her ankle. Her soon-to-be-_dead_ girlfriend's hand. "Miley, you scared the crap out of me!"

Still laughing, Miley wiggled her way up from where she'd wedged herself between two bales, keeping her grip on Lilly's ankle to help her do it. "You should have seen the look on your face!"

"Yeah, well, you should see the look on your face in about two minutes when I _kill_ you," Lilly retorted.

"Man, Jackson and I used to do that to each other all the time," said Miley. Her face was lit up with a transparent joy, and bits of hay were threaded through her hair, catching the light and glinting gold. Lilly felt her momentary anger slide away into a surge of tenderness. "What?" Miley asked at the change in Lilly's expression.

"You've got hay in your hair," Lilly said softly. She reached over and plucked a piece out. Miley impatiently raked her fingers through the dark mass, dislodging hay bits left and right. Braiding it quickly, she fastened it with an elastic hair band she had around her wrist, then jumped to the next hay bale.

"Come on," she called over her shoulder. "Let's see how many secret passages we can find."

They found quite a few, squeezing and wriggling down into the gaps between the bales for over an hour. There was even a hidey-hole of sorts, where four bales had fallen haphazardly against each other, leaving enough room that both Lilly and Miley could sit comfortably in the hollow space, surrounded on all sides by the fresh clean summer-sun smell of hay.

Eventually, they found themselves back at the edge of the pile, sitting cross-legged and looking out at the rest of the barn. "I guess we should be getting back," Lilly said reluctantly. They'd been gone a while. Everyone else was probably wondering where they were.

"Yeah," Miley agreed. "Uncle Bobby and everyone should be here soon." She tugged a piece of straw free and tore it to bits. "You'll have to sleep in the other room with Sarah tonight."

Lilly really hadn't wanted to be reminded that the house was going to be inundated with a flood of people – one of them _evil_ – and her alone time with Miley was going to be non-existent for the next day and a half. Maybe they didn't have to go back quite yet.

Miley must have been thinking the same thing, because she leaned over and closed the distance between them, kissing her, a favor Lilly was only too happy to return. They explored each other's mouths leisurely, territory that was no less dear for being familiar. Miley pushed her gently back to lay on the straw. It prickled on the back of her neck, but Lilly couldn't have cared less.

They broke apart a few minutes later before things could get too intense, knowing that they weren't really going to start anything out in the barn. "What are you thinking about?" Miley asked, propping herself on her elbow but not moving from her position half-lying on top of Lilly.

Lilly was thinking about how happy Miley had been the first day they came, chasing Jackson around in the yard. About how she'd looked with hay caught in her hair, laughing. "I want children," Lilly blurted. Oops. She hadn't exactly meant to say that out loud.

Miley looked somewhat alarmed. "What, like, now?" she asked, sounding somewhat alarmed as well.

"No, not _now_," Lilly said. She poked Miley in the side for thinking such a thing. "I want to finish school first, and law school, and get a job, and...it's just, I know we haven't talked about this before, really, but I do. Want kids. Someday. In the future." Your kids, she thought, but decided that part would keep for another day.

"Well, then," Miley said, leaning her head down, pausing centimeters from Lilly's lips. Her accent thickened and her voice took on a mocking lilt. "I reckon we might could russle ya up some chiluns when the time comes." Her mouth descended the rest of the way and swallowed up Lilly's giggles.

"Well, well, well," said an eerily-familiar, very unwelcome voice from below them. "I didn't believe it til I saw it with my own two eyes. I guess the drugs and booze weren't enough; you had to go and do something that'll _really_ land you in hell." Luann.

Pulling away from Lilly, Miley stared down at her stonily. "I guess I'll be seeing you there," she spat. "I mean, seeing as you're such good friends with Satan and all."

"Miley, Miley, Miley," Luann said, sounding regretful. "You're not still on that old kick, are ya?" She focused on Lilly. "You'll have to excuse my cousin, she's got some plumb crazy idea I'm evil."

"Probably because you are," Lilly said.

Surprise that Lilly believed Miley flashed across Luann's face and was quickly hidden. "Well, acourse ya gotta side with yer girlfriend," Luann said with a smile Lilly was sure was about as real as a crocodile's tears. "I reckon I'll just hafta work extra hard ta convince ya otherwise."

Miley's body tensed with the idea that Lilly might be part of whatever scheme Luann was planning. Lilly scratched her fingernails lightly down the back of Miley's coat, which made her relax marginally. Straightening her legs in front of her, Miley slid over the edge of the bale and down its side to the top of the next one, Lilly following close behind. It was a lot easier to go down than up, and they were on the ground in a few seconds.

"Whatever you're planning, it won't work," Miley informed her cousin.

Luann batted her eyelashes innocently. "I'm sure I don't know _whut_ yer talkin' about, cuz."

"Right." Miley grabbed Lilly's hand and started pulling her out of the barn. "Come on, let's go back inside and I'll introduce you to everyone. Better than standing around here arguing with Satan's little helper."

Halfway back to the house Luann's laughter was still ringing in their ears.

———————————————

The stained-glass windows of the church sparkled in the darkness like lights on a Christmas tree. It was late, almost eleven, as the Stewarts traditionally went to the Christmas Eve candlelight service that ended at midnight. Lilly brushed imaginary lint off her skirt. She hadn't been to church in years, and making her comeback at a small Baptist congregation in Tennessee on the arm of her girlfriend didn't really seem like the best idea.

She was glad they were part of such a big group; she was able to stay in the center of the mob of Stewarts as they herded through the front doors and started greeting every single person they saw, seemingly knowing all of them intimately. Surrounded as she was, it wasn't obvious that Lilly wasn't saying a word to anyone. Lilly lost track of Miley in the crowd and tried to find Sarah so they could bond over their outsider status, but Jackson was busy showing her off to an older couple that looked like they could be friends of Mamaw's, and Lilly swallowed, thinking how much it sucked she and Miley couldn't do the same.

"Lilly, come on, there's someone I want you to meet," Miley said, materializing at Lilly's side and interrupting her thoughts. She latched onto Lilly's coat sleeve and towed her out of her protective shell of Stewarts over to a soberly-dressed man with gray hair and twinkling blue eyes standing in front of the sanctuary doors.

"Pastor Harris, this is Lilly," Miley introduced her. "She's the one I was telling you about."

"Ah, so you're the one who's responsible for getting our Miley back on the straight and narrow," Pastor Harris said, holding out his hand. Miley coughed to cover her laugh at the 'straight' part, and Lilly deliberately stepped on her toe as she moved forward to shake Pastor Harris's hand.

"She did all the hard work herself, really," Lilly demurred. "I just gave her a little push."

"Some push," Miley muttered in her ear, and Lilly stepped on her toe again.

"Well, in any case, I'm delighted to meet you," Pastor Harris said. "I was just telling Miley how happy I am to see her back here on Christmas Eve."

"We're really looking forward to it," Miley said, so earnestly Lilly knew she was telling the truth. Did Miley miss going to church? She'd never said anything about it, but maybe she did. Lilly wasn't at all sure that she'd want to go herself, but it wouldn't be too hard to find a friendly congregation if Miley wanted to.

"It's a great service tonight," Pastor Harris was saying. "Although unfortunately one of the soloists came down with strep throat yesterday evening, so we're short one performance."

"Want a replacement?" Miley offered, and Lilly looked at her with surprise that Pastor Harris shared.

"I didn't mean – " he started.

"I know, but I don't mind," Miley said.

"Could you be ready so quickly?" Pastor Harris asked, hopeful now.

"Well, I _was_ in the children's choir at our church in Nashville for a year or two," Miley said dryly. "Or seven. And we _did_ learn a few Christmas hymns. What's the song? Do you have a copy of the music?"

"Of course, of course, I have a copy in my office, if we hurry we can get it right now," he said. "Excuse us, please, Lilly, it was so nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you..." They were gone. "...too," Lilly finished. Great, now she was stranded by herself, unless she felt like fruitlessly pushing her way through the crowd to find the other Stewarts, who were all busy talking to other people anyway.

One of the ushers was handing out programs and Lilly took one, pretending to be engrossed in studying it while she kept an eye on the crowd and waited for one of the Stewarts to appear. She saw Luann first, talking to what looked like a small family. Her eyes narrowed when Luann turned and pointed straight at her, smirking. As one, the family turned to look at Lilly, identical expressions of disgust on their faces.

Lilly felt her heart sink. Just what they needed: Luann stirring up trouble by telling everyone about her and Miley. Miley would probably be crushed if the congregation turned against her. She'd told Lilly that she and Jackson used to spend most of their summers out at Mamaw's, so they'd come here for years and knew everyone.

Lilly took a step forward, intending to go after Luann and make her stop, but just then people started streaming through the sanctuary doors and Mamaw grabbed Lilly's elbow as she passed and pulled her along.

"I got you a candle," Mamaw said, handing Lilly a partially-melted white candle with a little cardboard disc on it.

"Thanks," Lilly said as they settled in a pew with the rest of the Stewarts about halfway down the sanctuary. The family filled the whole pew by themselves, and they would've had to squeeze if Miley had been there. Lilly caught sight of her up at the front, sliding into a seat in the choir loft with three people she guessed were the other soloists. For their sakes, Lilly hoped Miley was going last.

Somehow Luann ended up on Lilly's other side, smiling with a false sweetness that disappeared when Lilly shrugged out of her coat and used it to form a barrier between them. The service started and progressed quickly through several hymns and scripture readings. Lilly kept getting distracted looking at the sanctuary, which was decorated with a giant Christmas tree up at the front trimmed in white and gold ornaments and white lights, garlands of evergreen boughs and red velvet ribbons on every available surface, and about a thousand poinsettias lining the dais.

There were more hymns, and a short sermon, and two of the soloists performed, making it clear that Miley would be performing last, during the candlelight vigil. She was filling in for a Melody Travis, and she'd be singing _O Holy Night_, which delighted Lilly. That was one of her favorite Christmas songs and she couldn't wait to hear Miley sing it.

Her mood dimmed a bit when she noticed that several people in the rows in front of her kept turning around, shooting furtive little glances at her and then whispering to the person sitting next to them. It almost could have been a coincidence if it weren't for the smirk on Luann's face. Lilly had been right. Coming back to church had been a bad idea.

The front row stood and filed out of their seats to receive Communion, which meant the service was almost over. The last soloist before Miley sang _Silent Night_ while row after row lined up and took Communion. She was good, Lilly thought, but church choir good. Not international superstar good.

Questions swirled through Lilly's mind as she stood with the rest of the row and waited her turn. Did any of these people want her here or did they all hate her and want her gone now that Luann had outed her? Was it right to take Communion if she wasn't welcome here? If all she wanted was to get out of this church and maybe never go back to one? Was Luann going to shove her when she got to the front and make her crash into the pastor and spill wine everywhere?

Pastor Harris smiled at her when Lilly dunked her wafer in the wine, and Lilly tried to smile back, tensing as she felt Luann step up behind her. But Luann didn't push her, or trip her, and Lilly quickly sidled out of the way and stuck the wafer in her mouth. Half of it was dry and tasted like glue. The other half had already mostly dissolved, soaked in what turned out to be grape juice instead of wine. Lilly swallowed it down, choking a little on the dry half, and hurried back to her seat.

Once everyone had taken Communion, the only thing left was the lighting of the Christ candle in the Advent wreath and Miley's solo. The ushers lit their candles from the Christ candle and moved down the aisle, lighting the candle of the person on the end of each row. The flame was then passed down the rows from person to person, and everyone stood while the overhead lights dimmed into nothing, and Miley started to sing.

_O holy night! The stars are brightly shining,  
It is the night of our dear Savior's birth._

Absolute silence fell. There had been little noises a moment before: clothes rustling, someone coughing, the crinkle of a candy cane being unwrapped, but by the time Miley had sung the words _o holy night_ it was as if everyone in the sanctuary was frozen, holding their breath.

Lilly had heard Miley sing hundreds of times before, Hannah's music and her own, but she'd never heard Miley sound like this. The hair on the back of her neck stood up and Lilly shivered. The sanctuary was lit only by their candles, the lights on the tree, and a single, narrow spotlight shining down on Miley. She'd taken off her black half-jacket, leaving her in a sleeveless black sheath that fell to the floor. She looked – and _sounded_ – like an angel, Lilly thought, her last conscious one before she was swept up along with everyone else.

_And in His name all oppression shall cease.  
Sweet hymns of joy in grateful chorus raise we,  
Let all within us praise His holy name._

Miley's voice had them all spellbound, weaving them together into something much greater than any of them were alone. Lilly had never believed in religious experiences before, but now all the hair on her body was standing on end and it felt like something was there in the sanctuary with them, something that filled the room, the church, the cold expanse of the night sky outside, out and out until it touched the stars.

_Fall on your knees! Oh, hear the angels' voices!  
Oh night divine, Oh night when Christ was born;  
Oh night divine, Oh night, Oh night Divine._

The last note slowly died away and, responding to some signal Lilly missed, everyone else blew out their candles, leaving Lilly and Miley lit in two lone puddles of light, the pinprick lights of the Christmas tree the only other illumination in the room. For a moment, Lilly stared up at Miley, seeing her staring back, not even caring about the tears she knew were in her eyes because she could feel Mamaw and people all around her – even Luann – surreptitiously wiping their own eyes.

I love you, Lilly thought as hard as she could, willing Miley to hear her. Then she leaned forward and blew out her candle. Maybe she hadn't been right, maybe going back to church wouldn't be such a bad idea. Maybe if Miley did, she would too.

The overhead lights came back up and suddenly everyone was saying Merry Christmas to each other and gathering up belongings. Still dazed, Lilly blinked furiously to get rid of the moisture in her eyes under the guise of readjusting them to the light. She put her coat on and pulled her hair out from under it, wincing when it got all staticky.

The pew emptied to either side of Lilly as everyone exited out the center and side aisles. The whole sanctuary was rapidly emptying into the narthex, but Lilly stayed put. Miley was still in the choir loft. Even without looking, Lilly knew. She could feel it.

Finally the doors closed behind the last person and Lilly edged out of the pew, heading towards the front of the sanctuary. Miley met her halfway.

"I love you," Lilly said, folding her arms around Miley and leaning her whole body into her. She worried for a second that someone would come back in and see them, but she didn't care enough to stop.

"I know," Miley said, kissing the top of her head.

"You were amazing." Lilly pulled back. "Has anyone ever told you that you _really_ know how to sing?"

"Well, you know," Miley said, fake-primping her hair and then striking a pose. "One or two people might have mentioned something like that. You know. Once or twice."

"Uh huh," Lilly laughed. She grabbed Miley's hand and started for the narthex. "Come on, we'd better get out there and see if we can round everyone up and leave before Luann finishes outing us to everyone and they kick us out."

"She wouldn't," Miley said.

"Oh, she would," Lilly assured her. "And this time, she really did think of it all on her own."

They dropped hands as they got into the narthex. Miley was immediately besieged by at least half the congregation praising her performance. Lilly automatically let them push her back, the way she did when fans swarmed Miley on tour, and then regretted it. Miley knew these people; she'd feel like she had to talk to all of them, and without Lilly to prod her to leave they'd be there all night.

She scanned the crowd and found Luann talking to a young couple. The man had that same look of disgust as the family from earlier, but the woman had a skeptical eyebrow raised. Good, don't believe her, Lilly thought, and then wanted to kick something. She didn't want to have to hope people thought Luann was lying, didn't want to have to worry about people knowing what was only the truth.

People were starting to trickle out the doors, stopping to shake hands and talk to Pastor Harris on the way. Lilly fought her way through the crowd, used a family of four to shield her from the Pastor's view, and slipped outside. She pulled on her coat and walked quickly out of the pool of light coming from the open doors of the church. It was freezing out, but she'd rather be cold and alone outside by herself than warm and alone inside with everyone else. She missed her family and wanted to go back to Malibu, or at least to Mamaw's, where she was welcome and didn't have to worry about people knowing about her relationship with Miley.

Close to an hour later, Miley and the rest of the Stewarts finally made it through the church doors. Lilly watched Miley's head turn, her eyes unerringly finding Lilly even though it had to be too dark for Miley, standing in the light, to see her. She broke off from the rest of the family, who were still saying goodbye to the Pastor, and trotted over, gravel grinding under her feet.

"Hey," she said. "You were right about Luann."

"You saw her?" Lilly asked.

"Nah," Miley said. "Couple people said something to me. I brushed them off."

"You don't seem too worried about it," Lilly said, and Miley shrugged. They fell into step and started towards where the car was parked. The parking lot had mostly emptied out by now, and Lilly was glad to have a few minutes with just the two of them. "What if they tell someone?"

Miley laughed. Her breath ghosted out into the night. "It's Tennessee, not Hollywood," she said. "Who're they gonna tell? And what proof do they have? Let's just hope this is all Luann has up her sleeve."

"But doesn't it bother you?" Lilly persisted. "I mean, you know these people – "

"Known most of them my whole life," Miley said.

"Exactly," Lilly said. "So doesn't it bother you that they find out about us and all of a sudden they're making nasty comments?"

"Well, first of all, not everyone said something bad," Miley said. "And as for the ones who did...screw 'em. I'm not having anything to do with people like that, and they're the ones missing out, not me."

Lilly smiled and shook her head. Sometimes she thought her life would be a lot easier if she had a little bit of Miley's narcissism.

———————————————

Satan's little helper was suspiciously well-behaved on the ride back to Mamaw's, and while everyone gathered in the living room for coffee and cookies once the kids had been tucked into bed. She didn't even try to spill her coffee in Miley's lap, and Lilly was convinced that whatever else Luann had planned, it wouldn't happen until tomorrow.

Then she went to the bunk room to tell Miley goodnight and found Luann there instead. "Oh," Lilly said, intending retreat and go find Miley wherever she'd gotten off to, but Luann cut in before she could.

"Lilly, honey," she said, effecting Miley's accent. Lilly noticed she was wearing Miley's pajamas, too. "I've been wanting to get you alone all night. Come on over here and give me some love."

Lilly almost laughed in her face. She might have had trouble telling Luann and Miley apart the first time she met Luann, but that was six long years ago and now Lilly knew Miley better than she knew herself. There was no way she'd make that mistake again. There was also no way Luann could know that.

"Sure, baby," Lilly said seductively. She crossed the room and watched Luann's eyes flutter shut in anticipation as she got near. Suddenly and unexpectedly, she felt sorry for the other girl. Luann might have seemed evil back when they were fourteen, but what could she really do to them now that was worse than what they'd already been through? Provided they stayed away from all the local wells, anyway. "It's hard not to be jealous of her, isn't it?" Lilly asked.

Luann's eyes shot open. "What?"

"Miley. It's hard not to be jealous of her. Even I am, sometimes, and I love her like crazy."

Lilly could see the wheels turning in Luann's head, and a protest that she really was Miley died unsaid on her lips. Luann might be evil, but she wasn't stupid. "Everyone thinks she's so special," Luann snapped. "But she isn't."

"Of course she is," Lilly said gently. "That's why you hate her so much, isn't it?"

"You know she was born a month before I was? Nobody ever remembers my birthday, they always just lump it in with hers. We always had joint parties when we were growin' up, and always on her birthday, not mine. Because 'hers came first'."

"That must have sucked," Lilly said, and meant it. "But that's not Miley's fault. And I know how easy it is to be jealous of her, believe me, but you've got to stop wasting all this energy hating her. Go find something you're good at. Do that. Make a life that'll make you happy instead of trying to make hers miserable."

For a second Lilly thought she might actually be getting through to her, but then Luann's face hardened. "You don't know what you're talking about."

"Right," Lilly said. So much for the easy way. She sighed. Well, no one could say she hadn't tried. She went to the door and closed it, turning back to Luann with her arms crossed over her chest. "Okay," she said. "Let me explain to you exactly how things are going to be, and exactly what's going to happen if they aren't."

———————————————


	21. Harder Than It Seems

**Yeah, I know this is going up way late in the day. It's my mother's fault for dragging me out shopping with her all day.**

**Bloody Violet Heart: Sorry the last chapter was short! It just kind of happened that way somehow. This one is longer!**

**Bladed Darkness: I agree, they do need to bring Luann back, because she is awesome. (As is Shego.)**

**oh one: Lilly said it. As for Oliver, he won't be making another appearance in this story. The other Lilly and Miley are indeed in the original universe, and I plan on writing their story at some point after I finish this one. Let me know if you have any other questions, I'll be happy to answer them.**

**mileymadness: Eight inches? I am **_**so jealous**_**. It was sixty-five here yesterday. I miss snow.**

**coffeeandcommunity: Computer problems are the worst. I'm having some myself right now and I'm putting off dealing with them because I know what a bitch they're going to be to fix. But you should not follow my example, because I want to read that fic. What you said about their lives being in the present was...yes. Exactly right. And I'm glad everyone seems to be liking the lighter tone of the last few chapters, because I'm really enjoying getting to write stuff where they don't both feel like they're dying all the time. It's refreshing!**

**Okay, I need to go try to forget about every single second I spent in the mall today. Thanks to everyone for reading and reviewing!**

———————————————

**Chapter Twenty-One: Harder Than It Seems**

———————————————

_learn to reach deeper  
to hear under the laughter  
the wind crying across the black stones. Kiss  
the mouth  
which tells you, here,  
here is the world. This mouth. This laughter. These temple bones._

- Galway Kinnell, "Little Sleep's-Head Sprouting Hair In The Moonlight"

———————————————

"It's Christmas, it's Christmas, it's Christmas!" yelled a small voice at the same time something thumped into the side of Lilly's bed. Lilly dragged her eyes open. The room was pitch black except for the yellow light streaming in from the hallway. Even the windows were still dark. What time was it?

A pair of greenish-gray eyes set under tousled brown hair peered at her from the beside the bed. They belonged to Maggie, Bobby Ray's youngest, the same one who had hidden behind her mother's legs yesterday when she was introduced to Lilly and Sarah. "It's Christmas," she informed Lilly again, apparently over her shyness.

"It sure is," Lilly mumbled. The last time she'd celebrated Christmas with small children in the house, she'd been the small child. She'd forgotten just how early the lure of presents could wake a kid up.

"Mamaw won't let us open presents until everyone gets up and comes downstairs. So y'all have to get up now." It figured: the one morning she'd thought she wouldn't have to get up this early.

"Okay, well, uh..." Lilly rubbed sleep out of her eyes, trying to force her brain into alertness. "Why don't you go wake up Miley and your sister, and Sarah and I will be up in just a minute." Maggie whirled without a word and ran out of the room and down the hallway.

"Sarah? Sarah, we have to get up." If anyone had told Lilly six years ago that she'd be sharing a bed in Tennessee with 'Saint Sarah', she would've had them committed. For that matter, the idea that that same 'saint' would be staring at her with murder in her eyes would also have been hard to believe. "Hey, don't shoot the messenger," Lilly said. "I'm just saying if we're not up in three minutes there's going to be about fifty pounds of pissed off eight-year-old back in here."

They both got up and scrambled to pull on more clothes. The early morning chill seemed especially fierce after the warmth of the bed. Lilly didn't bother to take off her pajamas, just pulled a pair of jeans on over the pajama pants and a dark gray UW sweatshirt over her top.

Several pairs of footsteps trampled past their slightly ajar door, and then Maggie reappeared in the doorway. "Lilly, Miley says she won't get up unless you come and wake her up."

Jackson came up from across the hall and swooped Maggie into his arms. "It's Christmas, Maggiepants, what are we waiting for? Let's go get us some presents!" He galloped down the hall to the stairs, the little girl bouncing and laughing in his arms.

"I guess mine doesn't have that problem," Sarah said dryly, starting after them.

Lilly went down the hall to Miley's room, relieved to see that the top bunk was empty and that Luann had already gone downstairs. After her little chat with the girl last night, she didn't think there would be any more problems, but that didn't mean she wanted to deal with her first thing. A blanket-covered lump on the bottom bunk was the only indication that Miley was still there. Not even her hair was peeking out of the blankets. Sitting on the side of the bed, Lilly peeled blankets back until she could see Miley's face.

"Come on, toad, time to get up." No response, though she knew Miley had been awake enough to ask for her two minutes ago. She leaned forward and kissed Miley, a slow, lingering kiss that steadily got more passionate. That certainly got a reaction, Lilly thought. She sat back up, laughing because Miley kept her eyes closed and pretended she was still asleep. "Either you're getting up or I'm getting your dad and his bucket of ice water."

Miley's eyes shot open. "That's cheating."

"Whatever it takes, babe," Lilly shrugged. She kissed Miley again, careful to keep it light since they were expected downstairs and there was a very good chance that Maggie would be back up here any second asking what was taking so long. "Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas," Miley whispered back. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Now get up, because I was serious about that ice water."

———————————————

Downstairs was utter chaos. Jackson and Maggie were in the living room by the Christmas tree, shaking presents and sorting them into stacks based on recipient. Robby Ray and Bobby Ray were arm wrestling on the coffee table while Mamaw, Sarah, and Luann were clustered around the coffee maker in the kitchen waiting for it to finish brewing. Rachael, Bobby Ray's wife, was hunting something in the refrigerator, trying to ignore her other two children, nine-year-old Marshall and eleven-year-old Carrie, as they tugged at her bathrobe and demanded to know when they could start opening presents.

"We're waiting on Miley and Lilly and – oh there they are," Rachael said, straightening out of the fridge and seeing Miley and Lilly as they came into the kitchen. "Now we're just waiting on your aunt and uncle."

Just as she said that, the front door swung open and Aunt Pearl and Uncle Earl came in. Miley was making a beeline for the coffee maker and Lilly followed after her. Luann saw them coming and slipped past them going the other way, using her step-mother as a buffer. "I always thought you guys were exaggerating when you talked about them," Lilly hissed in Miley's ear, subtly nodding her head in Earl and Pearl's direction.

"Honey, when that's the base material, you don't have to exaggerate," Miley said. The coffee was done, and Miley pulled an enormous mug out of one of the cabinets and poured it full, drinking deeply. Lilly tried to take it from her to steal a sip, but Miley cradled it protectively against her chest. "Gitcher own, woman, this one's mine," she grumbled, unmoved by Lilly's pout.

The flurry of activity in the house had increased as everyone gathered around to greet Earl and Pearl, so Lilly was able to snag a mug and get a couple of sips into her before Mamaw waved at her to come be introduced.

"So yur Lilly," Earl said. At least, Lilly thought it was Earl. It was kind of hard to tell.

"Yes, sir."

"And yur with Miley." His brows lowered briefly in disapproval, then he barreled on. "Always wondered who she'd end up with, she was such a strange child. Always had her head up in them clouds, know what I mean?" He offered his hand. "Pleased ta meetcha."

"Um, nice to meet you, too." Lilly shook his hand, unsure of how to react.

"Presents!" Maggie yelled from the living room, and Jackson echoed her, and Lilly shrugged to herself and joined the stampede into the other room. With some amusement, Lilly noticed that Luann avoided her and Miley, staying on the other side of the room.

At Lilly's house, everyone traded off opening presents, going one at a time so that each gift could be admired and each giver thanked. At the Stewarts', it was a free-for-all. Wrapping paper and bows flew through air that was filled with shrieks of joy and shouts of gratitude. Seeing that Lilly was a little overwhelmed, Miley secured a corner of the couch for her and brought over a pile of presents with her name on them. There was the standard donation-in-your-name card from Jackson and Sarah, a pretty purple sweater with gray accents that Lilly suspected was hand-knit from Mamaw, and some books she'd been wanting from Bobby Ray, Rachael, and Robby Ray – Miley must have told them what to get.

Miley whooped when she opened her present from Lilly, a new electric guitar that Lilly had caught Miley eyeing for a month before she left on tour. She already had a couple and she claimed she didn't need another, but Lilly knew how much she'd wanted this one, a deep, sapphire blue and white. Miley caught Lilly's eye and mouthed thank you across the crowded room. The kids were momentarily distracted from their own presents and swarmed Miley, demanding that she give them a turn with it.

Fifteen minutes later, Miley was finally able to detach herself and come back over to the couch. She propped the guitar against the side and wedged herself in between Lilly and Sarah. "Thank you," she said, giving Lilly a one-armed hug. "But I thought we weren't going to spend a lot on presents this year."

"That was for birthdays," Lilly reminded her. "Besides, are you saying you didn't spend a lot on my present?" Miley was waiting until tomorrow to give Lilly her present. It was currently at some undisclosed location and Lilly was going insane with curiosity wondering about it.

"I'm afraid that information is classified," Miley said, eyes twinkling. She knew how crazy the mystery was driving Lilly. "If you know how much it cost, you might guess what it is."

"Or you could just tell me what it is, and then I'd know how much it cost," Lilly suggested hopefully.

"Hmmm, let me think about that one real hard. Uh, no. You're just gonna have to wait til tomorrow."

Jackson picked his way across the minefield and took a seat on the floor in front of the three of them. Four identical book-sized presents wrapped in lurid reindeer wrapping paper were piled in his arms and he glanced at the tags and handed one to each of them. "From Uncle Earl and Aunt Pearl." He grinned at his sister. "Wanna bet what's in 'em?"

"No way," Miley said. "That's a sucker's bet." She slapped the top of hers lightly. "I've been waiting for one of these."

"I know," Jackson laughed. "Remember the first time Lucy got one for moving in with Kevin?"

"And we spent like three hours following her around looking up verses and reading them to her?" Miley asked. "I thought we'd never stop laughing at her."

"What the heck are you guys talking about?" Sarah asked, sounding as confused as Lilly was feeling.

"Just open them and you'll see," Jackson instructed. So they all ripped into the presents, and Lilly tossed the paper on the floor to reveal –

A Bible. Okay. She'd never gotten a Bible for a present before, but she guessed it was a nice –

"Now, Earl," Robby Ray said, having seen the presents and sounding like he was upset and getting ready for an argument. He was on the other side of Sarah on the couch and didn't look too happy with his brother.

"It's okay, daddy," Miley cut in. "Thank you, Aunt Pearl, Uncle Earl. You can never have too many Bibles."

"That's exactly what I always say, Miley," Aunt Pearl said, looking pleased. "Now, these Bibles are special, y'all be sure to pay attention to the verses we've marked."

Marked? Opening the Bible at random and flipping through the pages, Lilly saw that specific verses had indeed been marked, highlighted in bright yellow. "Why are they marked?" Lilly whispered to Miley, glad that the noise everyone else was making mostly covered her question. On the other side of Miley, Sarah leaned closer to hear the answer. At least Lilly wasn't the only one who felt completely out of her depth with this present.

"Oh, those," Miley said casually. "Those are the ones that tell us how we're sinning and going to hell."

Lilly felt sick and struggled to swallow the bile that rose in her throat. She looked over at Earl and Pearl. Pearl was talking to Rachael, but Earl saw her and smiled. Stunned, Lilly looked back at Jackson and Miley, who seemed unaffected. Robby Ray still looked a little angry and Sarah looked as shocked as Lilly. Lilly glanced at Luann, expecting her to be smirking up a storm, but she was just watching, her face expressionless. Her father, though, looked like he approved of the presents, while the three kids kept opening gifts, oblivious.

Lilly felt like the day had suddenly dimmed and the temperature in the room had dropped several degrees. Everything had been going so well so far. Bobby Ray and Rachael had seemed nice yesterday, they hadn't said anything, and other than Maggie's shyness the kids had acted like they didn't think there was anything out of the ordinary. But maybe Miley's family really did have a problem with them. Maybe Lilly really wasn't welcome among them.

Presents took another half an hour to finish, and Lilly spent the whole time quiet on the couch, unsure of her place. Things got even more chaotic afterwards when Marshall started chasing Maggie and Carrie, trying to hit them with his new Nerf gun and all three of them ran around the house screaming their heads off.

"All right," Mamaw said after about five minutes of that, towing Marshall back into the living room by his collar. "That is _it_. Everyone under the age of thirty _outside_."

"Mamaw!" Miley and Jackson immediately whined. "We didn't do anything!" Jackson continued.

"Coats and shoes, now," Mamaw said, and Bobby Ray's three youngest filed out of the room. Lilly and Sarah shared a look and didn't move because Miley and Jackson weren't. "I need y'all to keep an eye on them while we get things cleaned up and dinner started. Wear 'em out a little and make sure they don't get into too much trouble."

"What about Luann?" Miley protested.

Mamaw looked around the room as though she hadn't noticed until now that Luann wasn't there. Lilly hadn't noticed she was gone either. "If I see her, I'll send her out. Now get."

Lilly went upstairs to put some real clothes on first, and by the time she made it down to the entryway, Sarah was the only one left inside, still struggling into the coat she'd bought just for this trip. Lilly pulled her boots on and was lacing them tight when she felt someone watching her and looked up to see Aunt Pearl. Lilly ducked her head back down, nervous, and focused on the boot laces.

"How many pairs of socks are you girls wearing?" Pearl demanded.

Lilly glanced at Sarah, who appeared just as surprised and confused and on edge as Lilly. "Um, two?" Lilly said, not sure which one of them Pearl had asked.

Pearl nodded. "Good," she said, and was about to add more when the door flew open.

"Are you guys coming?" Miley asked. "We're gonna have a snowball fight."

"I'm ready," Sarah said gratefully, and Lilly grabbed her coat and quickly slipped it on, wanting to be outside just as badly.

"Let me see your gloves," Pearl said, and Lilly shared another look with Sarah before they both produced their gloves for inspection, Lilly by digging hers out of her coat pockets and Sarah by holding her already-covered hands out. "Those are all right," Pearl said of Lilly's, then grunted when she saw Sarah's. "Those are no good. They'll soak through and your hands will freeze. Miley, switch with her."

"Yes, ma'am," Miley said, pulling her gloves off with her teeth and coming in to yank Sarah's off as well when Sarah just stood there, bewildered.

"And don't get so caught up in beating your brother you stay out so long and let these girls get too cold," Pearl instructed.

"Aunt Pearl, you know I can beat Jackson in ten minutes with one hand behind my back," Miley said, looking affronted, and Lilly thought, _This _is what she gets offended about?

Pearl grunted again and went down the hall towards the kitchen. Miley shoved them both outside, then took off running for the backyard.

"So I'm confused," Sarah said to Lilly as they followed more sedately after Miley. "Do they think we're horrible sinners and hate us or not?"

"I have no idea," Lilly said, because why would you give someone you just met a present telling them they're going to hell and then turn around and make sure they're wearing enough socks before they go outside?

Miley and Jackson were standing in front of each other, arms crossed, when Lilly and Sarah got to the backyard. Carrie and Maggie stood behind Miley and Marshall stood behind Jackson, the three of them mimicking the older Stewarts' posture.

"Boys against girls," Miley said.

"That's five against two," Jackson said. "No way."

"Lilly and Sarah are liabilities," Miley argued. "They've never been in a snowball fight."

"Hey, I'll have you know I pitched softball for two years," Lilly said, glad to have something to take her mind off of what had happened inside. Miley shot Lilly a glare that meant Lilly should have kept that piece of information quiet and Lilly shrugged an apology. How was she supposed to have known?

"I should've known you'd try to cheat," Jackson said, eyes narrowed. "You take the two _liabilities_ and I get Maggie and Carrie."

"I'm on Lilly's team," Carrie said. She stepped up next to Lilly and wrapped both hands around Lilly's arm, right above her elbow. Lilly stared down at her, startled. Carrie hadn't shown a shred of interest in her all yesterday or this morning.

Miley smirked at Jackson. "You can have Maggie," she said graciously. "Thirty minute for prep."

The two teams retreated out of earshot from each other. Miley chose a spot that was on top of a slight rise and Carrie dropped to her knees and started packing snowballs. "Good," Miley said. "You keep that up while I show Lilly and Sarah how to build up a wall. I'd say we've got about twenty minutes before they attack, so we've got to move fast." She started scooping up snow and packing it down into a low wall they'd be able to hide behind, motioning Lilly and Sarah to do the same.

Once Miley was satisfied that they were doing it well enough, she started making snowballs with Carrie. "Okay, here's the plan. Lilly, you and Carrie are our shooters. I want a constant barrage, don't worry about running out of ammo because I'll have that covered. Sarah, I need you to fake getting hit hard in the first few minutes and then beg to stay under cover and help me. Do it loud enough so they can hear. I'll give you my coat, you fill it with snowballs and sneak down the hill and circle around behind them. Stay down low and they won't see you, we're gonna have all their attention on us. Maggie's our girl on the inside, so once you're in position I'll give the signal and we'll get 'em from the front, back, and right in their own camp. Those boys are never gonna know what hit them."

"You have a secret agent in a _snowball fight?_" Lilly asked.

"Of course," Miley said. "This is war."

"I don't believe in war," Sarah said.

Miley was momentarily stymied to the point that she stopped making snowballs. Then she cleared her throat. "Well, you know...it's just snow, Sarah. No one'll really get hurt. It's all for fun."

"Yeah," Carrie said, blinking innocently up at Sarah. "And we can't let the boys win. They'll say they're better than us."

Sarah wavered a second and then gave in. "All right. As long as no one gets hurt."

Miley and Carrie went back to making snowballs, double-time, while Lilly and Sarah finished off the wall. Five minutes before Miley had estimated the boys would attack, she grabbed Lilly's sleeve and pulled her off to one side. "Don't tell Carrie," she whispered in Lilly's ear. "But we're in a secret alliance with Jackson. After we cream the boys, I'll give the signal and it's the four of us against the three kids."

"Miley! You're just going to turn against Maggie and Carrie like that? They're on our team!"

"Snowball fights aren't about teams, Lilly," Miley told her. "They're about hitting as many people as possible with snowballs. And this is war, anything goes."

Two minutes after that, Carrie sidled up next to Lilly where she was crouched behind the wall estimating the best throwing spot. "She wants to do a blood war," Carrie muttered, keeping her voice low.

"What?" Lilly said. "Who?"

"Miley," Carrie said. "After we kill the boys, she's gonna give the signal and then it's all of us against you and Sarah. I thought you should know."

Would Miley do that? Lilly looked over at her girlfriend, who was regarding their mounds of snowballs with intense satisfaction and the kind of pride most people normally reserved for their children. Hit as many people as possible, huh? Anything goes?

"Carrie," Lilly said slowly. "Did you notice how it's always Miley giving the signal?"

Carrie looked at her a moment, then started to smile.

———————————————

The boys' attack came three minutes behind schedule, and Lilly was so busy firing snowballs she almost didn't have time to notice how Miley's plan was going off without a hitch. Jackson hit her in the head with a snowball and Lilly had to slide down behind the wall until her ears stopped ringing. Good thing Miley had gotten Sarah out of the line of fire for the beginning of this. One hit and Sarah never would have believed that no one was getting hurt.

Lilly had gone back on the offensive and the air was thick with snowballs when Miley suddenly yelled out, "Girls rule!" The first signal, and within seconds Marshall and Jackson were howling.

"Truce, truce!" Jackson called a few minutes later, and the air was clear of icy projectiles for a few seconds. Then Miley shouted, "Robby Ray!" and nailed Carrie in the back of the head.

Unfazed, Carrie whipped around, yelled, "Bobby Ray!" and threw a snowball right back at Miley, who avoided it and then ran from their shelter towards the other one with an armful of snowballs. Lilly and Carrie went after her, Carrie trying unsuccessfully to hit Miley as Miley zigzagged across the open ground and joined her snowballs to the ones Jackson and Sarah were throwing at Marshall and Maggie.

Those two fought back, and the war moved out from the boys' shelter into the middle ground. Lilly had just scooped up some snow and packed it into a sloppy ball when loyalties shifted again at Miley's yell of, "Stewarts!"

Lilly took one look at the five Stewarts, all hefting snowballs in their palms, grabbed Sarah's arm, and took off running for the safety of the boys' wall. Snowballs slammed into them from behind and Lilly threw herself over the wall and into the trampled snow on the other side. Beside her, Sarah did the same. "What just happened?" she asked, panting.

"Miley sold us out," Lilly said, wriggling her shoulders because snow had gotten down her coat and was melting into her clothes. She shivered and turned her head to watch the hail of snowballs flying over them. If they kept that up, there wouldn't be any snowballs left in a second. "Truce," Lilly called. "Truce! Sarah got hit bad!"

The barrage stopped, and first Lilly and then Sarah poked their heads over the wall and straightened up. The Stewarts were a couple feet away, Miley in the middle with the boys on one side and the girls on the other. Miley didn't have even a single snowflake in her hair or on her sweater. She hadn't gotten hit once.

They all stared at each other, breathing heavily, waiting to see if the truce would hold. There was only one thing to do.

"Attack!" Lilly yelled, and Miley disappeared under a volley of missiles. Lilly snatched up an armful of snowballs from the pile behind the wall and fired three in rapid succession as she ran towards Miley.

Miley went down under the onslaught. "Truce," she said, shielding her head with her arms. "Truce, truce, truce."

They had her surrounded, and they were all armed. "Nuh-uh, Miles," Jackson said. "It's surrender or nothing."

Miley lowered her arms and looked around the ring of them, all with snowballs ready to throw. "All right," she said. "Okay. I surrender." She flopped onto her back and let her arms fall at her sides, palms up.

Jackson crowed in triumph and Marshall tossed his snowball in his hand thoughtfully, like he might still throw it, but after one look at Lilly, Carrie kicked his foot and shook her head. "All right, Lilly!" Jackson said, dropping his snowball and pounding Lilly on the back. Marshall and Maggie patted her on the back as well and Carrie went one better and hugged her tightly. "I didn't think we'd ever get Miley," Jackson continued. "She hasn't lost a snowball fight since she was seven. Okay, everyone inside for Loco Hot Cocoa, and I bet we can steal some cookies for breakfast."

Everyone else streamed back towards the house, leaving Lilly standing over Miley, who stared up at her, hurt. Her sweater was caked in white. "Sorry, toad," Lilly said. "But all's fair in love and snowballs." She stuck a hand down to help Miley up, but Miley ignored it.

"Too bad Luann wasn't here. She would've loved to have seen this," Miley sulked.

"Oh, come on," Lilly said, putting her other hand on her hip. "You had an alliance with every person out here, and you stabbed all of us in the back. You totally deserved what you got. Now let's go find your coat and then get some hot chocolate. I can't feel my hands anymore. Or my toes."

Miley sighed and gave it up, taking Lilly's hand and pulling herself to her feet. "Well," she said as they wandered back behind the boys' shelter to look for her coat. "If I had to lose, I'm glad it was to the tactical genius of Lilly Truscott."

"Me?" Lilly laughed. "Nope. I just asked myself what you would do, and that sneaky, underhanded plan sprang right into my mind."

"So what you're saying," Miley said, looking much more cheerful, "is that I really lost to _myself_, so I didn't really lose at all."

Lilly laughed again and wrapped an arm around Miley's waist. "Whatever helps you sleep at night."

———————————————

After the Loco Hot Cocoa, Miley was conscripted into helping cook Christmas dinner and Lilly found herself hovering around the house, not really knowing where to go or what to do. She could go hang out in the kitchen, but she'd just be in the way. Same with the conversation Robby Ray, Bobby Ray, and Earl were having over coffee in the dining room: there wasn't really a place for her in a discussion of pasture rotation schedules. And she wasn't all too eager to hang around anywhere Earl, Pearl, or Bobby Ray were anyway.

Sarah was reading in the living room, but the thought of sitting down made Lilly restless. Jackson and the younger kids had hooked up Marshall's new Xbox 720 in there and were all playing some game, but the thought of joining them made Lilly tired. Luann, Lilly was pretty sure, was somewhere upstairs.

She made a circuit of the rooms downstairs, looking in on everyone, and finally found her cell phone and put her coat and boots back on, still slightly damp from the snowball fight, and slipped out the back door, following the path to the barn. It took her four tries to climb up the first hay bale, and by the time she got to the top of the third one Lilly was convinced her fingers were half cut off, but she hadn't even broken skin.

She watched the red marks from the twine fade into nothing, and then she got her phone out and called her parents' house.

Her mother answered on the fifth ring. "H'lo? Lilly?" Her voice was clouded with sleep and Lilly winced. She wasn't used to being on this side of the time difference. It was just after eleven here, eight in Malibu; her parents had probably been planning on sleeping for at least another hour.

"Hey, Mom," Lilly said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I forgot about the time difference. I just wanted to say Merry Christmas."

"Oh, it's okay," Heather said, and then yawned loudly in Lilly's ear. "I should be getting up anyway."

"Oh," Lilly said, and lay back on the hay bale, looking up at the wooden rafters and corrugated metal roof.

"So how are things out there?" her mom prodded after a moment of silence.

"Good," Lilly said. "They're...fine."

"What's her family like?"

"Her Mamaw's really nice," Lilly said. "And she cooks so much I think I've gained twenty pounds already. And I think one of Miley's cousins has decided we're best friends."

"But?"

"Nothing," Lilly said, feeling a little bit of defensiveness flare up, a need to protect Miley, to not let her mother judge her by her family. "I just miss you guys."

"We miss you, too, honey, but we'll be seeing you in less than a week."

"I know." Lilly could hear her mother get out of bed, could picture her putting on slippers and a robe, going downstairs to start water for tea. "It's just...it's Christmas and I miss you."

"Lilly." Heather sighed, started to say something and stopped. Lilly thought she knew what she'd wanted to say. _If you miss us so much now, why did you leave us then?_

I didn't, Lilly wanted to tell her, but that wasn't true. She'd left her parents, left Ben, left Oliver.

"What's wrong, Lilly?" her mom asked, and Lilly didn't know how to answer that, because nothing really _was_, but she wanted something in her life to be easy for once, just one thing, for there to be one thing that was simple, effortless, one thing that didn't ever hurt, not ever, not even a little.

"Does it ever get any easier?" she asked.

"What?"

"I don't know," Lilly said. "Life."

"Oh, honey," her mother said, in a way that made Lilly want to cry. "What's going on out there?"

"It's nothing, really," Lilly insisted, pushing down that urge. "Just some of Miley's family doesn't approve of our relationship." That relationship had been such a touchy subject with her mom for so long that Lilly still avoided talking about it, and this was the closest they'd ever really come to discussing the fact that she was with another girl. She let herself wonder, for the briefest of seconds, what it would be like if she and her mother could talk like they used to, openly, about everything, without someone else's past between them.

Heather didn't answer for a minute, then said, "Some things get easier, baby, but I don't know if that's one of them."

"Yeah," Lilly said, and the thing was, she missed her mom, but she could miss her just as much when she was right there hugging her, and she didn't think that would ever get any easier either.

"They'll get over it," Heather said. "I mean, if _I_ could – "

"It's not like that, Mom."

"I know, sweetie, I'm sorry. What are they saying? Surely Miley wouldn't let them – "

"No, it's not...they haven't really said anything. They've actually been nice, sort of. I think. It's just knowing that they don't...but I don't think Miley cares."

"Well, if she's not bothered by it, maybe you shouldn't be," her mom said.

"I guess," said Lilly, but it was hard not to be worried that she didn't belong here, that she didn't fit into Miley's family.

"I don't know what else to tell you, honey. You know you can always come home early if you want. I'm sure Miley would come with you if you told her you aren't comfortable there."

"No, I think it'll be okay," Lilly said. "They're leaving tonight and it'll just be her Mamaw, and she really is wonderful. But thanks, mom."

"Your father just came downstairs," Heather said. "Do you want to say hi?"

"Sure," Lilly said. "And, mom? Thanks for talking to me. And Merry Christmas."

"Merry Christmas, baby," said her mother, and then Lilly heard the phone changing hands and her dad saying, "Merry Christmas, Lillygoat!"

She forced her voice to match his cheer and talked with him for a while, told him about the snowball fight and how Mamaw could fit more food on a table than Lilly had ever seen before. She turned down his offer to wake up Ben so she could tell him Merry Christmas, asking her dad to just pass the message along instead. She stayed where she was when she hung up, staring at the barn ceiling lost in thought until footsteps sounded on the ground below and she sat up to see Miley coming in the barn.

"Hey," Miley called up to her, standing at the foot of the stack of bales. "I took a break and couldn't find you. I was starting to get worried."

Lilly slid down the hay to the ground, ended up between the last bale and Miley. "I just wanted to call my parents and tell them Merry Christmas."

"How are they?" Miley asked.

"They're good." She leaned back against the hay and let her eyes trace over the lines of Miley's face. Miley stepped in closer and Lilly laid a hand on her cheek. "I really love you," she said.

"I know," Miley said, and then Lilly pulled her in and kissed her, tasted chocolate and cinnamon and chili powder. She kept kissing Miley until her head spun and her hands were clutching Miley's coat like it was the only thing keeping her up.

"Dinner'll be ready in a couple hours," Miley said, her breath hot against Lilly's face, her body heavy against Lilly's. "Come inside and get warm. We could use your help in the kitchen."

"Really?" Lilly said, disbelieving.

Miley took one of Lilly's hands from her coat, rubbed it between both of hers, then kissed the backs of Lilly's fingers. "No. But we could use the company."

Lilly tugged on Miley's coat with her other hand, kissed her again, thought that maybe if this wasn't hard sometimes, it wouldn't be so good the rest of them, that maybe the only things that were ever easy were the ones that weren't important.

———————————————

Dinner was long, drawn-out affair. Lilly thought it was over three times before it actually was, because Mamaw kept going into the kitchen and coming back with more food. Carrie had claimed the seat on Lilly's left, Miley was to her right, and Jackson and Sarah were across the table. Lilly spent most of the meal listening to Carrie's descriptions of her school and classmates, but even with them down at the other end of the table, Lilly's stomach clenched every time Earl or Pearl looked in her direction.

Both Lilly and Sarah volunteered to help clean up afterwards since they hadn't cooked, and Lilly somehow ended up talking to Pearl for almost twenty minutes while they were rinsing dishes. Pearl never said anything outright, but Lilly was tense the whole time and the conversation left her stomach unsettled again. She shouldn't have eaten so much at dinner. On a trip carrying dishes from the dining room to the kitchen, Lilly passed by Miley, who'd been cornered by Earl and was getting what seemed to be a forceful lecture.

" – do things without thinking," Earl was saying as Lilly went past. "Things you shouldn't. You always have. Remember that time you told my poker buddies – " Miley nodded dutifully and rolled her eyes a little at Lilly, but despite Miley's unconcern, the little she'd overheard made Lilly's stomach churn even more.

Once everything was finally cleaned up everyone broke off into smaller groups scattered around the house and Lilly realized she had no idea where Miley was. Sarah seemed to realize the same thing about Jackson, so the two of them went in search of the missing siblings, finally climbing the stairs to check the bedrooms up there.

Voices carried out into the hallway from Lilly and Sarah's room. "Ha!" Miley exclaimed, all smug satisfaction. "We're only up to Judges and I've already got more than you!"

"Well, that's a given," Jackson said. "I mean, you've got pre-marital sex _and_ homosexuality. The real question is, what's the total percentage you'll have more than me? I'm guessing forty." Out in the hall, Lilly and Sarah exchanged a look and shrugged, pushing the door open. Miley and Jackson were sprawled out across the bed on their stomachs, each flipping through the Bibles they'd gotten that morning.

"Forty?" Miley was outraged. "Hell no, I'm sleeping with a girl, not a slut or pregnant out of wedlock. Twenty-five."

"Oh, it is _on_," Jackson said. "Loser cleans out the horses' stalls for Mamaw."

"Deal." They started flipping even faster.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Sarah asked.

They both stopped turning pages and looked up, traces of guilt on their faces. "We're counting the highlighted verses to see who's a bigger sinner," Miley explained.

"Except of course it's Miley – well, you and Miley, I guess, Lilly, I think y'all's Bibles are the same, 'cause Sarah's and mine are – so really we're trying to figure out how _much_ she's the bigger sinner."

Aghast, Lilly stalked across the room and snatched the Bible out of Miley's hands, slamming it shut. "Hey!" Miley protested. "You lost my place!"

"I can't believe you guys are _joking_ about this," Lilly hissed, the worry she'd been feeling all day erupting. She dropped down to sit on the edge of the bed. "Doesn't it bother you that they gave us something like this?"

Miley and Jackson scrambled up from their prone positions and sat cross-legged. "They didn't mean anything by it, Lilly," Jackson said.

"Yes, they did," said Sarah. She came over but stayed standing, clasping the bottom corner post of the bed with both hands. Lilly shot her a grateful look. How could Miley and Jackson think this was _funny?_ "They're telling us that we're going to hell. It certainly seems like they mean something to me."

"Yeah, but..." Miley trailed off. She and Jackson shared a look. Clearly they had no idea how to explain their relatives to the other two.

"But they only do that because they love us!" Jackson tried.

Lilly snorted. "Yeah, right. If you love someone, you don't give them a Bible and highlight all the verses that say they're going to hell."

"But they're doing it because they don't _want_ us to go to hell," Jackson said. "I mean, once Sarah and I get married, they'll stop with us, and, okay, you and Miley will probably be getting a Bible for Christmas every year for the rest of your lives, but..."

"That's just because they think we're misguided," Miley broke in. "You know, like 'hate the sin, love the sinner'." Jackson nodded in agreement.

"So...this – " Lilly brandished the Bible. " – is supposed to be a gesture of love?"

"Exactly." Jackson looked relieved now that he thought Lilly understood, evidently missing the skepticism in her voice. "We're family, and you love family no matter what."

"Maybe they love the two of you," Sarah argued. "But they've got to hate us. After all, we're the reasons you're living in sin, or whatever they call it."

"No, no, no, no, no," Miley said. She and Jackson both shook their heads vigorously, as though that idea was just insane. "They're crazy about you guys."

"Yeah," Jackson said. "I mean, Aunt Pearl made that vegan casserole just for you, Sarah. I didn't even know she knew what vegan _meant_. She told me she went online three nights in a row until she found a recipe she thought you'd like."

"And, Lilly," Miley said earnestly, "Uncle Earl talked my ear off for almost an hour about what a great catch you are and how I'd better not do something stupid and mess this up."

Lilly and Sarah stared at them in patent disbelief. "That makes zero sense," Lilly said flatly.

"Sure it does," Jackson said. "Lilly, Sarah...you guys are family, too."

"Yeah," said Miley. "That's why they gave _you_ Bibles. If they didn't like you, you'd have gotten, like, soap or something. Nasty, smelly soap. Believe me, if they didn't like you, you'd _know_."

There was a moment of silence as Sarah and Lilly considered that. "I mean, I know it seems horrible, on the surface," Jackson said. "But they mean well, and they aren't going to change any more than we are, and they're family, so...sometimes you just have to take their gestures for what they are, and laugh about it, because, well, what else is there to do?"

Sarah looked at Lilly. "Is it just me, or did that sort of, kind of, in some weird, warped way make sense?"

Lilly nodded. "I think we've been here too long."

———————————————

The whole family congregated again in the living room to give the adults a chance to catch up on all the latest family gossip while the kids messed around with some of the presents they'd gotten that morning. Lilly and Sarah had their own, whispered, side conversation that consisted mostly of expressions of amazement about just how many relatives the Stewarts had. Before tonight, Lilly had thought she'd been doing good learning who everyone was, but now names were being tossed out faster than Lilly could keep up. "Second cousin," Miley would say in her ear, or, "cousin twice removed." Lilly wasn't even sure what the difference between those two was, let alone whether she possessed any of them herself.

Her interest in a conversation about a large group of people she'd never heard of palled quickly, so when Miley laid her head on Lilly's shoulder and looked at her with sad puppy-dog eyes and complained about being thirsty and cold, Lilly dug an elbow into her ribs but didn't really mind going to make her some hot chocolate. The only light on in the kitchen was the hood light above the stove. Lilly didn't bother to flip on the overhead since she was only coming in for minute.

"I've been watchin' y'all." The voice spoke out of the darkness and almost made Lilly drop the mug she'd just gotten out of the kitchen cabinet. She'd thought she was alone, but evidently not.

Lilly turned her head, looking over at the table where Luann was sitting. "Who?"

"You 'n _Miley_." Her voice twisted with hatred on her cousin's name, and Lilly realized this was the first time since dinner that she'd seen Luann, and dinner had been the first time since they opened presents that morning. It was Christmas and Luann had spent most of it alone. Lilly had felt out of place here for most of the day, and now she thought about how much worse it would be to feel out of place your whole life, in your own family, to feel like you weren't quite good enough because there was always someone else there, someone who looked just like you, who was always center stage, who was better at a lot of things and couldn't wait to prove it. No wonder Luann had pushed Miley down a well.

Lilly pulled a second mug from the cabinet, filled the cups with water from the tap, and stuck them in the microwave on high. "Well, watch us all you want, just leave us alone."

"Y'all really love each other."

It wasn't a question, but Lilly responded anyway. "Yes."

"I want that." She sounded defiant, like she expected Lilly to make fun of her.

"You want it because you want to love someone, or because it's one more thing Miley has that you don't?"

Luann didn't answer and Lilly watched the seconds tick down on the microwave until it beeped at her. She retrieved the mugs and spooned hot chocolate mix from the canister into them, then stirred. "She always gets everything," Luann spat.

The spoon clanked against the sink bottom as Lilly set it down. She carried both mugs to the table and sat down in front of Luann. Steam curled up from the surface of the hot chocolate. "This has to stop," she told Luann. "You have to let it go. You guys aren't kids anymore. Miley isn't taking anything from you. You say you want what she has? Fine. Then go out and get it. You're the only one stopping yourself. All hating her is going to get you is angry and alone."

Luann stared at her for a minute before she looked away, eyes falling on the hot chocolate. "Those for y'all?" she asked sullenly.

"No." Lilly stood, picking up one of the cups. She slid the other across the table. "That one's for you." Luann looked up in surprise. "I hope you find what you're looking for."

———————————————

It was late by the time by the time conversation in the living room ground to a halt and Earl, Pearl, and Bobby Ray's family were finally ready to leave. Both Marshall and Maggie had already succumbed to sleep and had to be carried out to the car by Bobby Ray and Robby Ray. Everyone else swarmed out on the porch to say goodbye, no one except Lilly and Sarah taking any notice of the frosty air. This was the last time they'd all be together for a while, so everyone seemed bound and determined to get individual goodbye hugs from everyone else. Carrie clung to Lilly for a good five minutes before she would consent to let go and hug Jackson goodbye instead. The process went considerably faster for Lilly after that, which she was grateful for since she'd left her coat inside like everyone else who wasn't leaving.

"Reckon we'll see y'all tomorrow," Pearl said, nearly smothering Lilly in a hug. "Now you be sure an' read that Bible, ya hear? It'll set ya right." Lilly clenched her jaw, having no idea how to respond.

Miley came to her rescue. "Thanks, Aunt Pearl," she said, voice too sugary-sweet to be sincere, though it didn't seem like Aunt Pearl noticed. "We sure will. Y'all have a safe drive back."

Earl and Pearl had already driven away and Bobby Ray and Rachael were saying their last goodbyes when Luann suddenly cut through the crowd and hugged Lilly. Lilly didn't know if she or Miley was more surprised, and Miley took a step forward, clearly intending to pull her cousin off her girlfriend, but Lilly warned her away with a look.

"Bye, Lilly," Luann mumbled.

Awkwardly, Lilly got her arms around Luann and patted her on the back. "Bye, Luann."

Luann pulled away and she and Miley regarded each other warily, looking for all the world like two dogs that had just met and hadn't decided yet if they were going to fight or be friends. "Bye, Miley," Luann said at last.

"Bye," Miley answered, thoroughly confused at Luann's apparent lack of hostility.

As they were following Mamaw, Robby Ray, Jackson, and Sarah back inside, Miley grabbed Lilly's arm, making her hang back a bit. "What the hell was that?" she hissed into Lilly's ear.

"I'm not sure," Lilly said. "But I think it was a good sign."

———————————————

The house was finally quiet, and Lilly slid out of bed with a soft goodnight to Sarah, who by now was used to her bedmate disappearing as soon as everyone retired for the night. Lilly tiptoed down the hall and cracked open Miley's door just enough so that she could squeeze inside and close it behind her.

Miley was changing, just about to put on the shirt that matched her candy cane pajama pants when Lilly stopped her with a hand on her arm. A questioning glance was met with a small shake of Lilly's head. It had been a long day, and they were both too tired to do anything, but it had been a _long_ day, and Lilly needed to feel Miley's skin against hers as they slept. Miley got the message and shucked off her pants and underwear before climbing into the bottom bunk.

"Hurry up," she ordered, shivering. "It's freezing under here."

Pulling off her own pajamas, Lilly flipped the light off and dove across the room and under the covers. They huddled against each other and shivered until their body heat took the chill from the sheets. "Why do they always have to be so cold?" Lilly asked plaintively from her position mostly on top of Miley.

"They know you hate cold and they're out to get you?" Miley theorized, wrapping her arms around Lilly. "Hey," she said more seriously, "are you okay? I'm sorry some of my relatives are crazy. And I'm even sorrier it didn't occur to me it would bother you so much, I would have run interference for you if it had."

"No, it's okay," Lilly said. "I mean, I'm okay, I think. It was just kind of unexpected. I know you warned me, but then everyone was so nice, I guess I just kind of let my guard down..."

"Yeah, I'm kinda surprised Uncle Bobby didn't say anything," Miley remarked. "I know Luann's mom would have if she was still around. I guess Rachael's been a better influence on him than I'd realized."

"Do you really think it's funny your aunt and uncle believe we're going to hell?" Lilly asked, finally voicing the question that had been niggling at her all night.

"Yeah," said Miley. "I'm sorry, but I really do. You don't know them like I do, Lilly, they think _everyone_ is going to hell. And I mean, we both know we aren't, so – "

"We do?" Certainly Lilly didn't _think_ they were, but Miley had spoken with the confidence of someone stating that two plus two was four, and Lilly wondered how she'd gotten so sure.

"Uh, yeah, hello?" Miley said, rapping Lilly's forehead lightly with her knuckles. "Angel? I think she woulda mentioned something if there was gonna be a problem."

"Oh my god." Lilly buried her face against Miley's neck, cheeks burning with embarrassment at her own idiocy. "I never even thought of that."

"Boy, are you stupid," Miley joked, then yelped when Lilly bit the side of her neck.

"I guess that does kind of put a different perspective on things," Lilly said thoughtfully.

"Yeah, it sorta just makes them seem..."

"As misguided as they think we are?" Lilly finished.

"Exactly," Miley agreed. The covers around them were cozy now, and Miley was warm under her, and Lilly felt the stresses and worries of the day start to fade away, sublimated by the comfort of being in such close contact with Miley. "But, hey," Miley continued, less serious now. "That wasn't the only trial you went through today."

A yawn cracked Lilly's face open. "What are you talking about?" she muttered, laughing a little when Miley caught the yawn-bug.

Fingers tickled against Lilly's side and made her squirm. "I saw you ate the collard greens."

"Oh," Lilly said. "That. Yeah, I was just, um...trying to be polite. That's all."

"Uh huh," Miley said skeptically. "And yet you seem remarkably untraumatized by your ordeal. In fact, you haven't complained about it once all night. Could it be – dare I say it? – that you liked them?"

"Okay, fine, yes," Lilly admitted. "I liked them. They were delicious. There. Are you happy now?"

"Hell yes, I'm happy now," Miley crowed.

"Don't even think about saying – "

"I told you so, I told you so, I told you so," Miley said gleefully. "I have been telling you for _years_ how good they are, but noooo, you wouldn't even try them, and now come to find out I was right!"

This time Lilly was the one who attacked, fingers tickling just below Miley's ribs to get her to shut up. It worked – Miley was extremely ticklish there and was helpless with laughter – and Lilly didn't let up until Miley had twisted them around so that she was on top, draped over Lilly like a warm, heavy blanket, pinning Lilly's hands between their bodies.

"Ow, Miley, you're smushing my fingers," she complained.

"Really?" Miley asked.

"Yes."

Miley lifted her weight enough that Lilly could free her hands and then settled back down, half on the bed and half on Lilly. "Poor fingers," she said. "I'm sorry." Reaching down and capturing one of Lilly's hands, she massaged the fingers and then brought the hand to her mouth, kissing the back of each finger like she had earlier in the barn. "All better." Dropping Lilly's hand, she wriggled around into a comfortable position with her head tucked against Lilly's shoulder. "You realize this means you're gonna have to try grits now."

"Ew," Lilly squealed. "Can't I just promise to let you make collard greens at home?"

"Oh, I think we'll be doing both those things," Miley assured her.

"Fine," Lilly grumbled, knowing she didn't really have a leg to stand on.

"That's my girl," Miley said happily. She lifted her head and pecked a kiss on the edge of Lilly's jaw.

Lilly yawned again. "Your sleepy girl."

"Goodnight, sleepy girl. I love you."

"Goodnight." Lilly turned her head and scooted down a bit so that her face was level with Miley's and she could kiss her goodnight. "I love you, too. Merry Christmas."

Miley snuggled closer. "Merry Christmas," she whispered.

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**Due to Christmas, the next chapter will be up...let's say Saturday. And I may take a short break after that. **

**Happy Hanukkah and an early Merry Christmas to everyone!**


	22. Come Out From Under

**I hope everyone had good holidays. I did, but I'm glad Christmas is over and I get to go home soon. Christmas is fun, but it's a lot of work, plus I like my family a lot more when I don't have to see them all the time. Yes, yes, I know, I'm horrible.  
**

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**Chapter Twenty-Two: Come Out From Under**

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_love love is going to lead you by the hand  
into a white and soundless place  
now we see things as in a mirror dimly  
then we shall see each other face to face._

- The Mountain Goats, _Love Love Love_

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The fog-gray house was set halfway up the side of a hill, a foothill that dipped and then rose up into a small mountain behind the house. Uncle Earl had managed to get his _own_ driveway paved, Miley noticed. Typical. She'd have to remember to talk to her dad about that when they got back to Mamaw's. If nothing else, they could both fly out here this summer after her tour ended and pave the damn thing themselves. Mamaw was going to twist an ankle on the gravel one of these days, or fall and break a hip, or worse.

"All right," Lilly said from the passenger seat. "So what's this big, mysterious Christmas present? And why do we have to come out here to get it?"

"You'll see," Miley said, trying not to smile when Lilly pouted at her answer. "You all right with seeing them again?"

Lilly shrugged. "It's fine."

The rental car rolled to a stop behind Aunt Pearl's Taurus and Miley put it in park, making sure to put the emergency brake on since the car wasn't on a level. There wasn't much parking space at the top of the driveway and they were blocking Aunt Pearl and Uncle Earl in, but they wouldn't be staying long.

Snow was falling, miniscule little flecks of ice that swirled around her and Lilly as they got out of the car and walked to the front door. Since it was built up against a hill, the layout of the house was a little weird: the operational door in the front opened into the basement of the house and you had to go up the stairs tucked just to the right of the door to get up to the main level. There was another door at the main level and Earl had plans to build a deck up there with stairs up to it so that door could be used, but to no one's surprise he hadn't gotten around to it yet, even though the rest of the house had been finished almost ten years ago.

Miley pounded on the door a couple times and then opened it without waiting for answer, knowing it would be unlocked. A blast of heat hit them and instantly melted all of the snow on their coats and in their hair. The wood-burning furnace that her aunt and uncle used to heat the whole house was down here and it was always sweltering during the winter.

"Miley, is that y'all?" called Aunt Pearl from upstairs.

"Yeah, it's us," Miley yelled back. "We'll be up in a few minutes, I wanna show Lilly her present first."

"No hurry."

Miley grinned. There never was out here. It was a nice change of pace after the whirlwind her life was on tour.

"Gimme your coat," she told Lilly, shrugging out of her own in relief. She took them both and slung them over the banister.

"My present is in the basement?" Lilly asked.

"Just hold your horses, you'll find out soon enough," Miley mock-scolded her. Lilly was turning in a slow circle, taking everything in. The basement was only half the size of the main level of the house, but it was finished and had two smallish bedrooms and a bathroom in addition to the small foyer area that held the furnace. The only bad part about getting stuck in the basement when you stayed over was the cement floor that never got warm unless you were standing directly in front of the furnace.

One of the bedrooms was off to the left as soon as you came in the door, but the bathroom and the other bedroom were set farther back to the right behind the stairs. Motioning to Lilly to stay put, Miley headed for that one. She cracked the door open, seeing seven pairs of eyes turn and blink at her. Good. They were awake. "Okay, come on in here."

Miley stepped to the side as Lilly came up next to her, eyes trained on Lilly's face to see her reaction. It did not disappoint.

"Puppies!" Lilly squealed. Her whole face was glowing. "Oh my god, look how cute they are!" The puppies, six of them in all, were a squirming, wriggling mass that yelped excitedly to see new people in the room but never stopped moving, tumbling over each other and their beleaguered mother. Their mother was a shaggy, black-and-white mutt and most of the puppies looked like her, though two of them took after the yellow-haired neighbor's dog that had fathered them.

One of the black-and-white puppies broke free of the mass and trotted over to them, sniffing curiously at their shoes before latching onto one of Lilly's shoelaces and tugging. "Awww, look at you, you're so cute, yes you are," Lilly cooed. She swooped down and scooped him up, then carried him over to the woven rug and took a seat on it next to the rest of the puppies.

Her legs were overrun by the litter. The original shoelace-biter growled at the rest of them until Lilly patted his head and lifted him up so that he could lick her face. She put him back down in her lap and he immediately stretched up and put his front paws on her chest, trying to bite at the ends of her hair and making Lilly laugh.

"So you like it?" Miley asked, ambling over and sitting down next to Lilly.

Lilly looked up, eyes sparkling. "This is my present?"

"Yeah," Miley said. With her being gone so much of the time, she knew Lilly got lonely, and that she missed having a dog. "Well, not _all_ of them. But whichever one you want, you get first pick. They aren't quite old enough to be separated from their mom yet, but in another couple weeks they will be."

The shoelace puppy got tired of going after Lilly's hair and jumped out of her lap, tripping over his own paws and landing flat on his face. Undeterred, he scrambled back up as they laughed at him and climbed into Miley's lap, whining at her to pet him. "I think we're gonna have to go with that one," Lilly said, still laughing. "Is he a boy or a girl?"

Miley picked him up with one hand and lifted his tail with the other to check. "Boy."

"Are you sure?" Lilly asked. "Because you thought your pet pig was a boy..."

"Very funny," said Miley. "And, yes, I'm sure." She handed the puppy back to Lilly, who cuddled him in the crook of her arm and ran a finger along the soft fur on his head.

"Thanks, Miley, I love him."

"You're welcome," Miley said, glad Lilly liked her present. "Merry Christmas. Any ideas what to name him?"

Lilly thought a moment and then looked up at her. "I think maybe Oscar."

The puppy squirmed out of Lilly's grasp and fell on his face again. Miley smiled sadly, reached out to right him. It fit. "Oscar it is."

———————————————

Snow crunch alternated with the slick slide of wet grass under Miley's feet. The weather had warmed up a bit the past two days and the snow had melted away into patches. The cemetery was a timeless, disorienting blend of all four seasons at once: brown autumn grass, white winter snow, bright patches of fresh spring flower bouquets on the graves, golden summer sunlight making everything stand out in sharp relief. Miley really didn't want to be here. But she'd put this off long enough.

More than long enough, according to Lilly, who had shooed Miley into the Jeep with Jackson and her dad an hour ago. Next time, Miley vowed, she'd bring Lilly with her. If there was a next time. It wasn't that Miley didn't want to visit her mother's grave; she did, she had for years, so much sometimes that the desire felt as hard and solid as a headstone in her chest. But she was deeply, irrationally afraid that something would be different.

And it was irrational, she knew that. Her mother had died before she became Hannah Montana, so everything about her should be the same. In theory. But the changes in this world had causes as well as effects, and maybe she'd get to her mother's grave and find she'd died one day earlier, or later, and somehow that had influenced her decision to be only Hannah Montana. Even a tiny stone thrown in a big pond made ripples. There was a one-in-a-million chance those ripples could've had anything to do with her mother. But as Miley had told her father once, long ago and far away, their family was one-in-a-million central, and she couldn't stand the idea that there might be some part of her mother's life in this world that she didn't know, some memory she didn't have.

Her fears were probably groundless. Probably. But groundless fears were still fears, so she'd always begged off the couple other times she'd come back to Tennessee. Lilly, however, wasn't going to stand for that. Not that Miley had told her why she didn't want to come, but she'd seen Miley's reluctance and immediately known the cause. "Go see your mom," she'd said, kissing Miley and giving her a little push towards the Jeep. "It's better to know, one way or the other." Sometimes Miley thought Lilly must have tacked mind reading onto her wish all those years ago, at least where Miley was concerned.

Her steps slowed as they got closer to the grave and she fell back behind Jackson and Robby Ray, letting their bodies block her view until they were right up on it. Then she took a deep breath, held it, and stepped out from behind them.

Everything was exactly the same. Exactly. Spots clouded the edges of her vision and she let her breath out slowly, feeling years of worry go with it. Her dad crouched down and put the flowers they'd brought in front of the headstone, flamey, orange-red tulips. Her mother loved tulips. That was the same, too. He put an arm around each of their shoulders when he stood back up and hugged them close. "I'm glad you finally came, Miles," he said, and she nodded against his shoulder.

They stood in silence for a while, lost in their own thoughts, long enough for the cold from the ground to creep up her legs like icy fingers of death. "Give me a minute," Miley murmured when the other two turned to go, and they said they'd wait in the car for her.

Once they were out of sight she knelt on the ground next to the headstone. The sharp, bracing cold of melting snow radiated into her through her jeans. She traced fingertips over the words inscribed in the black marble: _Susan Walker Stewart, June 30, 1969 – April 13, 2002_. Exactly as she remembered. Miley swallowed, ignored the tears running down her cheeks, said, "I miss you, Mama."

———————————————

While their respective other halves were gone, Sarah and Lilly took it on themselves to go exploring. They'd already been shown the house, the new barn, the hay and horses, the front fields and the cows that watched placidly when you approached, so they trooped through the back fields this time, circling around the old barn at a safe distance. The thing looked like it might collapse at any minute, and neither of them wanted to be near it when it did. Their goal to make it down to the woods, poke around there, then head back. It was a lot farther than it looked.

"Do you know how to ride?" Sarah asked. Lilly shook her head. Skateboard, surfboard, but not horses. "I was just thinking we should have ridden down here, but I don't know how."

"We should've had Jackson and Miley teach us," Lilly said. "I guess it's too late for me, but you still could." She and Miley were flying out late tomorrow morning because Miley had a show in New York New Year's Eve and Lilly was going back to spend some time with her family, while Jackson and Sarah were staying another week and going back to Malibu with Robby Ray on the sixth.

They made it to the woods and split up, walking in different directions among the trees. There wasn't much undergrowth in this part of the woods, and the trees were widely spaced, so it was fairly easy going. After a few minutes, Sarah called Lilly to her and Lilly found her standing at the base of an enormous oak tree. "Jackson was telling me about this," Sarah said. She pointed to something that was scratched into the tree bark above the lowest branch. "He said all the cousins climb it and carve their initials into it."

Positioning herself under the branch, Lilly jumped up and caught it, pulling herself up onto it for a closer look. M.M.S. "I think these are Maggie's," she told Sarah. There was another branch above her a little to her left and Lilly reached for it, following the path of branches up and around the tree, finding initials like breadcrumbs showing her the way. R.E.S., B.P.S., C.N.S., L.R.S., J.R.S. "Here's Jackson's," she called down to Sarah.

M.T.S., W.B.S, E.D.S., B.R.S., L.L.S., R.R.S. More than just the cousins, Lilly realized; there were Earl's and Bobby Ray's and Robby Ray's. A family tree. She climbed higher, still following the trail of letters. Getting up near the top, and very faint, like they'd been carved in a long time before the others, R.S. Maybe Miley's grandfather, Lilly thought. Then, finally, a good three feet higher than even those, M.R.S. Lilly laughed. Didn't that just figure. She thought of the heart she'd drawn on the car window the first day they'd come and grinned.

"Hey, Sarah, do you have a pocketknife or something?"

Sarah put a hand on her hip and glared up at Lilly. "Did you seriously just ask the vegan pacifist if she's carrying a knife?"

Whoops. "Sorry, don't know what I was thinking," Lilly yelled, already swinging herself down branch by branch. Her feet thudded softly on the pine straw covering the forest floor, and she barely paused before she started for the house at a trot. "Be back in a sec."

Sarah had given up waiting and was halfway between the woods and the old barn when Lilly passed her going the other way. Unsurprising, since it had taken a lot more than a second to run up to the house, explain things to Mamaw, and run back with Miley's Pawpaw's old switchblade in her coat pocket. Lilly scaled the tree for the second time, moving faster this time since she was sure of the way. Up and up and up until she found Miley's initials again.

Prying the switchblade open, she braced herself between two branches and scratched a plus sign under M.R.S., and L.G.T. under the plus, then admired her handiwork in satisfaction. The dull side of the knife dug into her thigh as she used her leg to snap it shut, sliding it into her pocket for the trip down.

She caught up with Sarah just as the other girl made it past the old barn. "Look," Sarah said, pointing. It seemed they weren't the only ones to think of riding, because the two horses were galloping out from the new barn. The one in front, a palomino with a white stripe down its forehead, was ridden by a whip-thin figure with a long, dark braid streaming out behind her, while the other horse, a black-and-white pinto, followed on its heels, sun bouncing off the short blond hair of its rider. Miley and Jackson were back.

Lilly and Sarah watched mesmerized as the siblings raced each other around the field, turning in slow circles to track their progress. "Is it just me," Lilly said after a minute, "or is something about that really, really hot?"

"It's not just you," Sarah said faintly.

Something about it _was_ hot, something about the way Miley moved like she was part of the horse, the way they barely seemed to touch the ground as they flew across it, looking like every romantic stereotype of cowboys brought to life. Sarah waved wildly at the two of them and seconds later the horses pulled up in front of the girls, Jackson and Miley smiling down at them.

"Well, howdy there, ladies," Jackson drawled, tipping an imaginary hat brim in their direction.

Miley's eyes were smiling with her mouth, so things must have been all right at the cemetery. Just to be sure, Lilly raised an eyebrow at her and got back a little nod. Good.

While Lilly had been focusing on Miley, Sarah had gone to Jackson and put her arms up; now his horse took a step back as he pulled her up to sit behind him. She whispered in his ear and a second later he wheeled the horse around and took off for the barn at a trot, Sarah chirping a quick bye at them over her shoulder.

"What's up with them?" Miley asked, forehead wrinkling in confusion.

Lilly hid a smile. "I'll tell you later." She put a hand up. "Pull me up?" If Sarah could do it, so could she, Lilly reasoned. Miley hauled her up and Lilly swung a leg over, somehow ending up astride the horse, though in all honestly she wasn't quite sure how it happened. She wrapped her arms around Miley's waist.

"Just hold on to me," Miley said. "And use your legs." Use her legs to _what_, Lilly wondered, but the horse broke into a light trot at Miley's urging and she had other things on her mind.

"Not that way," Lilly said when Miley made to follow the other two to the barn. "Go to the woods."

"The woods?" asked Miley. "Why?"

"I want to show you something. Can't this thing go any faster?"

Miley shook her head. "Not if you want to stay on. And be able to walk tomorrow."

They were at the edge of the woods in another moment anyway, and Miley helped Lilly down before gracefully dismounting herself. She barely had time to wrap the reins around a low branch before Lilly was dragging her into the woods. "Where are we going?" she asked, laughing, and then when Lilly abruptly spun around once they were out of sight of the fields and pushed Miley up against a pine tree, "Lilly, what – "

Lilly didn't let her get any further, swallowing up the rest of Miley's question with a rough kiss, tongue forcing its way into Miley's mouth as she pressed her whole body up against Miley's. Lilly slid a hand between them, down Miley's stomach and under her jeans and panties, not wasting any time. She wanted Miley and she wanted her _now_. She thrust two fingers up into Miley's molten heat.

Miley ripped her mouth away. "Jesus, your hand is cold," she cursed.

Lilly yanked her hand back out. "Not for long," she panted, sticking her fingers in mouth, sucking the taste of Miley off them and warming them simultaneously. She used the time to fumble Miley's jeans open with her other hand for better access. Pushing her fingers back into Miley, she started a rhythm, thrusting in and out, fingers sliding easily through the slick wet heat. Her other hand wrapped around the back of Miley's neck and Lilly sucked and nibbled her way up it. "Do you have any idea how fucking _hot_ you looked out there?"

"Hot enough for you to fuck me?" Miley teased.

Lilly stilled her hand and Miley's hips jerked once in involuntary protest. "Do you want to get off or not, Miley Ray?" Lilly asked dangerously. Miley whimpered. "Then behave," Lilly instructed. Her hand resumed its motion.

"Say...my name...like that...again," Miley gasped out.

Lilly picked up her pace, thrusting harder and deeper. She took Miley's earlobe into her mouth, sucked lightly, ran her tongue along the bottom edge, following it all the way around the outside rim of Miley's ear with the tip of her tongue. "Miley Ray," she rumbled into Miley's ear.

"Oh, god, Lilly," Miley said. Her eyes slid shut and her head fell back against the tree. She draped her arms over Lilly's shoulders for support.

Lilly ground the palm of her hand against Miley's clit, thrust in deeper, curled her fingers. "Come on, Miley Ray," she coaxed. "Come for me, cowgirl."

And Miley did, exploding around her, legs clamping down tight on Lilly's hand. She screamed Lilly's name, so loud Lilly was glad they weren't in the barn because someone might have heard it in the house if they had been. Lilly kissed Miley gently, keeping her hand in place until the aftershocks of her orgasm washed through Miley and she slumped back against the tree. Then Lilly pulled her hand away, twitching Miley's underwear back into place before sucking her fingers clean again and starting to refasten Miley's jeans.

"Holy fucking shit," Miley said, still struggling to catch her breath. "I love you."

The button on Miley's jeans popped back into place and Lilly patted it fondly. "Right back atcha, pardner."

"Oh, I'll show ya 'right back atcha'," Miley promised. She reached for Lilly, but Lilly danced backwards out of her grasp.

"Ah, ah, ah. It's starting to get dark." And it was, the air turning blue around them. "Show me later, we'd better get back to the house in time for dinner."

They walked hand-in-hand back to where the horse was tethered, where Lilly, who could already feel twinges on the insides of her thighs, opted to walk back to the house while Miley took the horse to the barn and groomed it. They shared a slow, lingering kiss before Miley mounted and galloped away.

Lilly's eyes devoured her retreating figure and she hmmed to herself in appreciation. Maybe she should've had Miley show her now.

———————————————

The kitchen was stiflingly hot after the cold outside. Steam swirled up from the pots on the stove and the overhead lights blazed so bright Lilly's eyes teared up: it had gotten almost fully dark by the time she'd reached the house. It was enough to make her feel a little dizzy, but the solid weight of the switchblade in her palm, still cold from outside, kept her steady.

Mamaw was busy at the stove, making all of Miley's favorite "Mamaw foods" in honor of their departure in the morning. She was alone, and no offense to Bobby Ray and his family or anything, but Lilly sure liked this house better when it wasn't overrun by tons of Miley's relatives.

"It smells great in here," Lilly said. Mamaw smiled at her and Lilly held up the knife. "I just wanted to bring this back. And say thank you."

Mamaw finished stirring a pot and laid her spoon down on the stovetop, walking over to the small kitchen table and motioning to Lilly to sit down with her. Lilly set the folded-up knife on the table between them. "You know, Ray loved that thing," Mamaw said. "Musta carried it for more'n thirty years. I swear, I thought he'd want to be buried with it, but he left it to me instead. I mean, he left me everything, but that knife had its own line in the will, you understand?" Her thumb rubbed over the smooth black surface up to the silver hinge and she was quiet a moment. "It's been sitting in the drawer next to my bed all this time, til today. You're the first person to have a need for it."

Lilly made a little noise to show she was listening. She didn't know what to say.

"You know something else? You're the first person wasn't born a Stewart to put her name on that tree."

Worry made Lilly fidget. "Should I – should I not have done it?"

"No," Mamaw said. "No, I think it was a good idea, or I'da stopped you when you asked for a knife. Thought about it, though, just 'cause I know how high that little monkey climbed before she put hers up there and I didn't want you falling. But you'd follow Miley anywhere, wouldn't you?"

That came out of left field and hit Lilly hard. She sagged back in the chair, fingernails digging into her palm, then looked up to meet Mamaw's eyes. "Yes," she said simply. Part of her didn't even understand the question, and that made her confused and angry in a way she knew she'd never be able to explain.

Mamaw nodded. "She'd do the same for you, but I guess you know that already. You tell her about the tree?"

"No," Lilly said, glad to be on less emotional ground. "She'll find it sooner or later."

"I don't think she's been up in that tree since before they moved to Malibu. Might be a while."

"That's okay," said Lilly. "I'll be there when she does."

"Yes," Mamaw agreed. "I expect you will, young lady. I've seen a lot of couples in my time, but never one quite like the two of you." The way she said it made Lilly wonder if she thought that was a good thing or a bad one.

A pot bubbled over on the stove and Mamaw pushed herself out of her chair. One hand closed around the knife and she placed the other along the top of Lilly's head, a benediction. "If y'all weren't flying out of here, I'd be tempted to send this home with you. I think Ray would have liked that. I think he would have liked you."

A good thing, then.

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They had to leave early for the airport the next morning, but Lilly couldn't sleep. She laid in the loose circle of Miley's arms while the sweat on their bodies cooled and dried and Miley's breathing settled and slowed, deepening into a steady rhythm that meant she was asleep. But Lilly never found it easy to sleep the night before she had to leave Miley.

Restlessness made her muscles twitch and she fought the urge to toss and turn, knowing that would wake Miley. Being careful not to disturb her, Lilly slipped out from under the covers and started dressing. Maybe a walk would calm her down and wear her out enough so she could sleep. She was careful to layer on two shirts and a heavy sweater, because the temperature was supposed to drop below freezing again tonight, and from the frost on the window panes, she guessed it already had.

Her coat was downstairs on the coat rack by the front door, but when she got down there she remembered another night when she'd snuck out on a porch in the bitter cold, and she smiled, grabbing Miley's coat instead. It smelled of sandalwood this time, but under that there was still the distinctive scent that was pure Miley. Lilly took the time to pick her own shoes out of the pile to the side of the door, though, because Miley wore a size smaller than she did, which wouldn't make for a very pleasant walk. And she doubted using Robby Ray's boots like she had that last time would be a good idea, either.

When she got outside she discovered she wouldn't have been able to use his boots even if she'd wanted to. He was sitting on the porch swing, booted feet gently pushing it back and forth.

"Hey, Lilly," he said, sounding surprised but pleased to see her. "Take a seat." He motioned for her to sit next to him on the swing, which she did awkwardly. Being around him still felt strange sometimes, even after all this time.

It was different with him and Miley. They had years of their relationship that were still the same here, shared memories. But all of Lilly's memories, all she'd known of him before she came here, were hers alone. He had never carried her piggyback up twelve flights of stairs, hadn't known her at thirteen, hadn't watched her grow out of childhood alongside his daughter. He wouldn't know, if she asked, what a Lilly landing was. Out here alone with him, with the cold stinging her cheeks and the moon bright above them, she could feel his missing knowledge like a phantom limb, one that knocked her off balance because she kept expecting something to be there that wasn't.

On top of that, still, after so long, she sometimes got so furious with him she could barely contain it. Because he wasn't really the man she remembered, because those memories she had of him weren't _true_, here. Because she remembered him as always being there for Miley, but here, when she'd really needed him, he hadn't been. He should have _helped_ her, he was her _father_. He should have saved her when Lilly couldn't.

Lilly was glad that he and Miley had made their peace with each other, because she knew how important Robby Ray was to Miley. She had even reconciled herself to the fact that Miley had considered her own – imagined, Lilly felt – transgressions an even trade for his, that Miley had forgiven him without a thought and never looked back. But Lilly didn't know if she ever could.

"What're you doing up so late?" Robby Ray asked, pulling her out of her thoughts. "Y'all're leavin' pretty early."

"Couldn't sleep," Lilly explained.

"Ah," he said, and nodded his head like he knew exactly what she meant. "You know, I could never sleep either, the nights before I headed out on tour and had to leave Susan and the kids. Got some of my best song-writing' done on those nights."

So maybe he did know exactly what she meant. "Yeah," she said. "I can't write songs, but I'm with you on the rest, Mr. Stewart."

"Now, Lilly, how many times are we going to have to have this argument?" he chided. "Call me Robby Ray."

Lilly pushed the swing back with her feet, but she timed it wrong, a beat after Robby Ray did the same, and the swing undulated unevenly back and forth, the chains creaking. "I can't," she told him. "I'm sorry, Mr. Stewart, but it would just be too weird."

He sighed. "Well, I guess maybe one day you'll be able to call me dad instead, and we can forget the whole thing."

The offhand comment reminded Lilly of something she'd been wondering about but hadn't thought she'd ever be able to ask. It seemed like she could now, though. The wide open vault of star-sprinkled sky and the slightly disorienting motion of the swing seemed to allow for it. "Mr. Stewart?" she said. "About your brother, and Pearl..."

"I've been meaning' to apologize for them, Lilly," Robby Ray said, voice heavy. "I talked to both of 'em before y'all got out here, and I was angrier than a pitchfork-poked hornet's nest about what they did on Christmas. Still am."

Lilly shrugged, though her heart was beating faster. "It doesn't seem to bother Miley any."

"Yeah, well, that girl always did have more confidence than we knew what to do with. And these days she doesn't much care what anyone thinks, 'cept you."

"Mr. Stewart?" Lilly took a deep breath, getting to the question she really wanted to ask. "I know Earl and Pearl don't approve, and Miley told me that most of your other brothers and sisters probably don't either – she said she was kind of surprised Bobby Ray didn't say anything – and I was just wondering how it was you and Mamaw Stewart don't have any problems with our relationship. I mean, you've always been so supportive..."

"Well, I can't really speak for my mother," Robby Ray said. He fell quiet a minute and Lilly pushed the swing again. They pushed together this time, and the swing rocked back and forth soothingly.

"But as for me," he continued, "I'll be honest with you, Lilly. I failed my little girl once because I wasn't there for her, because I didn't support her, and I almost lost her because of it. And I've got to live with that for the rest of my life. I'll be damned if I ever fail her again. All I want is for her to be happy, and you make her happier than she's ever been. She deserves that. And if I can understand that, I figure the big guy upstairs can wrap his brain around it, too."

They swung in silence a long while after that, and Lilly thought about what he'd said even after she'd left him on the porch and gone back upstairs to crawl into bed next to Miley. She still didn't know if she could ever forgive him, but it made things easier, somehow, knowing he hadn't forgiven himself either.

———————————————

There was a full spread laid out on the table for breakfast. Lilly surveyed the offerings with wide eyes. "Mamaw, we can't eat all this," she protested. "There's only three of us!"

"Nonsense, Lilly," Mamaw told her. "You think I'm not going to get those lazybones out of bed to see you two off? They'll be down in a bit, you two go ahead and get started."

Miley had a head start: her plate was already piled high with scrambled eggs, bacon, a chocolate chip muffin, a freshly-made biscuit, and jalapeño cheese grits that Lilly had to be talked into trying, after which she inhaled three helpings and accused Miley of holding out on her in the grits department. Miley flicked her on the side of her head in response. Robby Ray stumbled into the kitchen a few minutes later, followed closely by Sarah and then Jackson, all of them yawning and rubbing their eyes to keep them open.

"Lilly ate three helpings of the grits," Miley announced smugly while Lilly pretended to be engrossed in putting homemade blackberry jam on her biscuit and regretted being quite so vocal about her supposed dislike of grits. She really should have learned her lesson after the collards incident, but in her defense she _had_ tried regular grits the next morning and hadn't liked them. Miley hadn't said anything about jalapeño cheese grits.

Jackson quit scratching his stomach through his t-shirt and glared at her. "You better not have eaten them all," he said. "Those grits are the only reason I got out of bed."

"Nice, Jackson," Miley said. "You're supposed to be getting up to say goodbye to us."

Jackson plopped down in a chair and picked up his plate, spooning grits on it until over half the surface was covered. "Miles, you're my baby sister and I love you," he said solemnly, and then his voice took on a high-pitched whine. "But it's five-thirty in the morning!"

"He's got a point there, Mile," Robby Ray chuckled.

"Daddy!" Miley complained.

"All right, knock it off, all of you," Mamaw ordered, bustling back into the room and sitting down to fix her own plate. "It's too early for your foolishness."

Sarah nodded her head vigorously and pointed her fork at Mamaw. "What she said." Lilly had to hide laugh behind her hand at the chastised looks on the three Stewarts' faces.

Under Mamaw's watchful eye, everyone behaved suitably for the rest of breakfast, and all too soon Jackson and Robby Ray were putting suitcases in the trunk of the rental car and it was time for Miley and Lilly to head out.

"Bye, Sarah," Lilly said, hugging the other girl out on the porch while she waited for Miley to finish her last once-over inside to make sure they hadn't forgotten anything. "I'll come by and see you guys when you get back."

"We're having dinner at my parents' on the tenth," Sarah said. "You have to come, they'd love to meet you."

"Great," Lilly said, forcing her lips into a smile and trying not to remember all the horror stories Miley had told her after having dinner over there two years ago. She was sure Miley had been exaggerating for dramatic effect. Probably. Maybe. Okay, she was screwed.

The front door creaked open and Mamaw came out on the porch carrying a large paper shopping bag with handles. "Now, Lilly, I've packed some food for you to take back," she said, holding out the back to Lilly, who took it and oofed under its weight.

"Mamaw Stewart, you should keep this for you guys," Lilly said. "You know I'm going back to see my parents, I don't need food."

"Well, this isn't for you then, is it?" Mamaw said tartly. "It's a gift for your parents, you aren't allowed to eat one crumb, young lady." She grabbed Lilly by the chin and shook her head a little, smiling to show she was kidding. "Now there's two loaves of bread on top, be careful you don't squash them putting this up in the overhead."

"Yes, ma'am," Lilly said dutifully.

The door opened again, letting Miley out onto the porch. "I think we're good," she said before catching sight of the bag in Lilly's hands. "Hey, where's mine?"

Mamaw held up a small paper lunch bag. "I packed you a sandwich."

Miley looked back and forth between the two bags. "I'm not really feelin' the love here, Mamaw."

"Oh, hush," Mamaw said, pulling her into a hug. "I'll show you some love." She planted a wet kiss on Miley's cheek.

"Mamaw!" Miley whined, rubbing at the spit with her sleeve.

"Well, that's what you get when you doubt your grandmother's love," Mamaw informed her. Lilly and Sarah glanced at each other and then quickly looked away to keep from busting out laughing.

Jackson and Robby Ray finally got everything into the trunk and joined them on the porch, which commenced a round of hugs as everyone said goodbye. "Thank you so much for having me," Lilly said to Mamaw while the older woman was squeezing the air out of her lungs. "I had a wonderful time."

"Not as wonderful a time as I had getting to know you, Miss Lilly," Mamaw said. "You know you're welcome here anytime. You're the best thing that ever happened to that granddaughter of mine, and you're part of the family now."

Lilly's eyes slid shut as she squeezed back. "Thanks, Mamaw."

The others waved them off as they bumped down the driveway in the rental car. Lilly stayed twisted around in her seat, waving back until they were out of sight. "That was a good Christmas," she said, turning around to face forward.

"Yeah?" Miley asked, raising an eyebrow, which Lilly knew meant, Even taking into account the evil cousin and crazy relatives with Bible-giving tendencies?

Lilly nodded decisively. "Yeah," she said.

———————————————

Christmas carols were being piped over the airport's address system, adding to the feeling of frenzy. They came out tinny and flat and were interrupted every few minutes to announce cancellations or delays or to request _Betty Jameson, please present yourself at gate B42, your flight is ready for departure_.

Christmas was four days ago, Miley thought. Time to change the playlist. She waited until Lilly's plane took off and faded to a speck that was swallowed by the sky before she made her way to her own gate – the lounge was all the way across the airport and her flight left in less than an hour – and settled herself into a seat on the end of a row. It was wedged between the wall and one of the large cement support columns that dotted the waiting areas and she hoped it would keep her hidden enough that no one would recognize her.

She slouched down in the seat and flipped up the collar of her coat to obscure the lower half of her face, pulling _Three Men In A Boat_ out of her carry-on bag. Mamaw had lent it to her and she was going to take advantage of this time because she wouldn't have much time to read once she was back on tour.

"Hi," a small voice said before she'd gotten through more than a couple pages.

Miley lowered the book. A little girl stood in front of her. She couldn't have been more than six or seven, with somber dark brown eyes that matched her curly dark brown hair. She had on faded jeans with holes at the knees that looked like they'd actually been worn in, not pre-made before the jeans were sold, and a pink jacket that wasn't at all heavy enough for the weather outside. It had a purple patch sewn over one elbow, and the girl's skinny little wrists protruded from sleeves that were an inch too short. "Hi," Miley answered.

"Are you Miley Stewart?"

So much for not being recognized. At least the girl hadn't asked if she was Hannah Montana. Of course, she looked too young to even remember Hannah. "Yes."

The girl smiled and her eyes got wide. "Wow."

"Do you listen to my music?" Miley asked, smiling back. Back in the Hannah days she'd had legions of fans this young, but she'd had no idea any kids were listening to her this time around.

The girl nodded vigorously. "My mama listens to it, an' I do, too. I like when you sing about me."

"I sing about you? When do I do that?"

She promptly opened her mouth and started to sing in a high, warbling treble, "_Here she comes breakin' through my window_ – "

"_Lily and Parrots_," Miley said. "Is that your name? Lily?"

"Uh-huh."

"It's very nice to meet you, Lily. That's a very pretty name."

"Thanks," little Lily mumbled, digging the toe of her show into the thin airport carpet and blushing, which Miley thought was adorable.

"Do you want me to sign something for you?"

"Um." Lily peeked up at her and then hesitantly unzipped her jacket and pulled out a thin sheaf of papers. "My mama says please will you sign one for her an' my gramma an' my cousins." The words came out all in a rush, and Lily wouldn't look at her. It was obvious she was lying.

Miley glanced around, trying to find Lily's mother, and spotted a woman just outside of eavesdropping distance who kept looking at them sidelong. She was much better dressed than her daughter, and Miley sighed. Why wasn't she surprised that a woman who dressed herself in designer clothes but put her daughter in threadbare hand-me-downs would be the type to send that daughter trawling for autographs?

Miley gently took the pictures, flipping through them. They weren't what she expected, not the usual high-quality glossies. Instead they were low-res pictures that were printed on normal paper. They weren't all the same shot either, which was what the pros usually did; these looked like someone had just downloaded a random assortment online.

"Where did you get these?" she asked Lily. There was one picture of Hannah in the bunch and Miley pulled it out, folding it in half and shoving it in her carry-on. There was no way she was signing that one, even if she did the rest.

"Mama just got them," Lily told her. "She saw you coming down here and we went and printed some on the computers up at Starbucks and Mama said I had to ask you 'cause my daddy sent her money and we need it for rent but she already spent it already."

Jesus, this poor kid. "I see," Miley said, already digging in her bag for a pen. "So these aren't really for your cousins then, are they? Your mom is going to sell them?"

"Oops," Lily said nervously. "I'm not s'pposed to tell you that."

"It's okay," Miley assured her, signing as she spoke. She paused with the pen over the last picture. "Do you want me to sign one special to you?"

Lily's eyes lit up for a second and then dimmed. "No," she said slowly, shaking her head. "You don't have to. Mama would get mad and I think she would still sell it anyway."

Miley clenched the pen so hard it almost snapped in half. The kid's mother was smart to keep her distance, because if she were any closer Miley probably would have punched her. She signed the last picture, racking her brain. There had to be something she could do for this little girl. Something her mother couldn't sell. Inspiration struck.

"Here you go," she said, handing the pictures back to Lily. "Hey, Lily, what's your favorite animal?"

Lily gave that question the serious deliberation it deserved. "Kitty cat," she decided finally. "What's yours?"

"Mine are frogs."

"Frogs? Really?" Lily scrunched up her nose and giggled. "Frogs are funny."

Miley laughed too. "I know they are, but you know what?" Lily shook her head. "Frogs remind me of someone I love very much, and her name is Lilly, too."

"Wow," Lily said, looking awed by this information.

"Yeah," Miley said. She slid her hand into the pocket of her jeans and pulled out the little jade frog figurine Lilly had given her before she left on tour. She held her hand out, the frog in the center of her palm. "And my Lilly gave me this as a good luck charm and I take it with me everywhere, even when I'm up onstage singing."

"Cool!" Lily said.

"I know," Miley said, nodding. "And now I want you to have it."

Lily's eyes were as wide as saucers and her fingers were slack, barely keeping hold of the pictures. "Really?" she whispered.

"Yep," Miley said. "That way you'll have good luck."

"What's his name?" Lily asked, not taking her eyes off the frog.

It had never even crossed Miley's mind to name the thing. She must be getting old. "What do you think it is?"

"Sprinkles," Lily said decisively.

Miley bit her lip to keep from laughing. "That's exactly right." Lily reached out a slightly trembling hand towards the frog. "Go ahead, he's yours," Miley encouraged.

Lily snatched it from her palm and shoved it deep into a pocket before Miley could blink. "Thanks!" She looked up at Miley with shining eyes. "This is the best Christmas ever!"

"Well, I'm certainly glad to hear that," Miley said. This kid clearly needed a good Christmas. An idea occurred to her. "Lily, do you have your own email?" She hated the thought that this bright little girl would go back to her mother and god knew what kind of living situation and probably no support system. Maybe this was a way she could at least keep tabs on her and make sure she was okay.

"Yeah," Lily said. "Sometimes we go to the liberry an' then I can email Gramma an' Daddy an' draw pictures on the computer an' send them. But I can only type with these fingers." She held up the pointer finger on each hand and wiggled them. "So it takes me a long time."

Quickly ripping out a blank page from the notebook in her bag, Miley carefully printed her email address on it and folded it up, waiting until Lily's mother looked away before she handed it to the girl. "Well, I wrote my email on there, so maybe next time you go to the library you can email me, okay? Just don't show your mom."

"Okay!" Lily agreed enthusiastically. "I'm glad I got to meet you. You're really nice."

"Do you want to know a secret?" Miley whispered, leaning in close to her.

"What?" Lily asked.

"I'm only nice to people named Lily!" Miley said, smiling wide, and Lily giggled.

The public address system crackled to life, cutting off the last verse of _Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer_, and announced the departure of Flight 49 to Newark. "Lily!" the girl's mother called sharply to her.

"I have to go now," Lily told her.

"Okay," Miley said. "Bye, Lily. I had fun talking to you."

"Bye-bye," Lily said, waving to her as she walked back to her mother, who immediately grabbed the pictures and hurried her off towards another gate.

Without even really thinking about it, Miley pulled out her phone and dialed Jenny. "Hey, it's me," she said when Jenny picked up. "I want you to talk to Jane sometime after New Year's about setting up a scholarship fund through the Foundation. What?"

She listened while Jenny repeated her question. "Just in Tennessee's fine to start, but I want it national inside ten years. Yeah. Lilly said what? Oh, yeah, the community center. Yeah, get her on that too, and tell her I said to see if they'll let us build it on the site where the high school used to be, we want to make sure that place torn down. Thanks. How was your Christmas? Yeah, mine was good, too. Okay, I'll see you in few hours."

Miley ended the call and stuck the phone into the carry-on. She hesitated a minute and then shoved the book in there, too, slumping back in her seat and closing her eyes. She didn't really feel like laughing anymore.

———————————————

**Okay, I hate to do it, but I need a break before school starts back up and sucks up all my time. It'll just be a short one, though, I'll be back on the fifth with the rest of the story. Have a great New Year's and I'll see you all next year!**


	23. Trying To Live

**So I got the HM season one box set as a late Christmas present, and can someone please explain to me why they do not have commentary? Because, um. I need commentary. And even though its existence and inclusion in the box set makes me happy, I really have no use for a sparkly iron-on transfer of Hannah's head. I would rather have commentary, please. Also, I'm pissed they cut out the end of the Jackson-Robby Ray plotline in 'Money for Nothing...' Does anyone know if they've done that on the singly-packaged dvds as well, or is it still in its original state?**

**coffeeandcommunity: They miss their Oliver. He misses them too. It's going to kill me if/when I write the flipside to this. And I'm jealous of your MacBook. It's been so long since I've had a Mac. Oh, and I checked when I got back and the library system here doesn't have **_**Keeping You A Secret**_**, which doesn't surprise me. I may have to buy it, because who knows when I will visit my mother again. I am holding myself back from quizzing you about your library now. Sorry, I'm a geek, I like to know things! Plus I know there is a branch in that general area that has a large queer collection, but it's part of the DPL system, so if you're outside of that you probably can't ILL from there, because I don't think you guys have a statewide system, which sucks. Okay, I will stop now!**

**mileymadness: No, I am **_**done**_** with this plotline. Unless by plotline you mean the whole verse in general, in which case I haven't decided yet if I'll write anything else in it. I guess we'll see if y'all want more of it once I finish up with this.**

**TutorGurlTigger: Yeah, this is the third to last chapter and then there will be a short epilogue. I can't believe it's so close to the end. I do have more of this verse in my head, but it gets more spread out after this story, if that makes any sense, and harder to write, so I haven't quite figured out how or if I'll do it yet. I'll probably write something else entirely first anyway, just for a change.**

**Thanks to everyone for reviewing! A lot of people asked about little Lily: she won't be in the rest of this story, but she may make an appearance in a later one if I write it.**

———————————————

**Chapter Twenty-Three: Trying To Live**

———————————————

_When I go away from you  
The world beats dead  
Like a slackened drum.  
I call out for you against the jutted stars  
And shout into the ridges of the wind._

- Amy Lowell, "The Taxi"

———————————————

**January - February 2014**

It took forever for Lilly to find the right place, which turned out to be baggage claim. Baggage claim, though that did not mean, the clerk at the information desk assured her, that Oscar was being handled like baggage. The same clerk had misunderstood at first and given Lilly a huge stack of paperwork to fill out. Three questions into it, Lilly realized they were forms for picking up an unaccompanied _child_, not dog, and she'd had to go back to the desk and start all over. Eventually everything was sorted out, and she still made it to baggage claim a good fifteen minutes before the flight landed.

All in all, she ended up waiting almost an hour before a woman dressed in casual clothes but with an airport ID badge appeared next to the lost luggage office with a small dog carrier. She accepted the new, correct papers from Lilly and handed over the carrier in exchange.

"He's still sedated. It probably won't wear off for another couple hours or so," said the woman, whose nametag read Sharrie. At least that meant Lilly wouldn't have to worry about him during the car ride home.

Lilly thanked her absently, holding up the carrier and peering in between the thin metal bars. Poor Oscar. He was out cold and it looked like he was barely breathing. He'd grown in the three weeks since Lilly had last seen him but he was still a tiny little thing.

The half-hour ride home was uneventful but nerve-wracking – there was no way she was ever going to be able to drive with a baby in the car – and Lilly didn't hear a sound from Oscar the whole way. She parked the car in the driveway with relief and took Oscar into the kitchen, where she'd blocked off the doors with baby gates. As much as she hated to pen him up, he'd have to stay in the kitchen until he was housebroken.

Setting the carrier on the floor, she sat next to it and swung the front open, reaching in and lifting him out, cradling the puppy in her arms. He was so soft. And little. And cute. And...would probably be out for a while still, so there was no point in sitting here on the cold, hard floor until he woke up. She left the carrier where it was for the time being and carried Oscar into the living room, laying him next to her on the couch where she could work on her Latin translations and keep an eye on him at the same time.

She was halfway through her last passage from _On The Republic_ when he finally roused. Little twitches against her thigh warned her and she glanced down in time to see him lift his head off his front paws and look up at her. He blinked sleepy, confused eyes and then yawned, showing a pink mouth filled with tiny teeth.

"Aw," Lilly cooed. "Hey, Oscar. Did you have a rough trip, boy? Poor baby, they put you to sleep and then you woke up someplace completely new, huh?" He whimpered and laid his head back down. The house was scattered with puppy toys Lilly had bought over the past week, but she didn't think he was up to any of those right now.

Her cell phone vibrated on the table in the kitchen and Lilly got up and jogged quickly to get it; it didn't look like Oscar was going to be moving anytime soon, so she wasn't worried about him jumping off the couch.

It was a text from Miley:_ did he make it?_

She wrote back, _yeah but hes not feeling so good. poor oskie._ and snapped a picture to attach.

A minute later she got a reply: _OSKIE?!?!?_

Lilly giggled, making Oscar raise his head and look at her curiously. _shut UP_, she sent back. It was a perfectly respectable nickname.

The phone vibrated again: _dork. pet him 4 me. lyf._

Oscar was struggling to get to his feet, so Lilly hurriedly typed back, _ly2t_ and dropped the phone so she could grab him instead.

An hour later, Oscar was fully awake and steady enough on his feet that Lilly took him outside with her to check the mail. Their driveway wasn't that long, but it took them a while to get down to the mailbox because Oscar had to sniff everything over.

The mail was the usual – bills, coupons, the latest issue of Slap – and a small box wrapped in brown paper with the return address of Mamaw's place in Tennessee. Curious, Lilly ripped it open right there at the mailbox, keeping a careful eye on Oscar to make sure he didn't run out into the street.

The old navy and white box had a First Tennessee Bank logo on it and looked to be about the size the bank would use to send checks in. Lilly lifted the top off and pushed white tissue paper out of the way.

Ray's knife.

Tears sprang into Lilly's eyes and she blinked them back. There was a note under the knife, a small scrap of folded-over paper that read, _A little homecoming present. Ray would have wanted you to have it. _

Lilly wiped moisture from her eyes. The knife was too big for her to carry all the time, but for now she slid it into her jeans pocket where the heat from her leg would warm it, right next to Miley's five year medallion. She whistled at Oscar to get his attention and then gently started herding him back up the driveway.

The weight of the knife was unfamiliar against her thigh, and it tugged Lilly's thoughts to this world, to a tree in Tennessee with her initials carved in it, to Angel in a cabin in the mountains of Oregon. To Jenny and Keith and Diana, to Todd and the people at the skatepark, to the Heroic Trio, probably surfing right now down in Malibu. To her family, and Robby Ray and Jackson and Sarah, and the puppy at her feet. To Miley.

A homecoming present, the note said. It was funny, but Lilly was starting to think she was.

———————————————

Two dark yellow puddles greeted Lilly from the kitchen floor when she climbed over the baby gate she'd set up to block the entryway into the living room. "Oscar!" she said, annoyed. The puppy yelped with delight and jumped around her feet in ecstasy at seeing her.

"Why did I get up at three in the morning on my birthday to take you outside in the freezing cold if you're just going to pee all over the floor anyway?" she scolded him, hands on her hips. "It's been a week, you should be getting the hang of this by now. Couldn't you at least have used the pad?" Looking over at it, she saw that one corner was soaked through. "Oh, you did. I guess that's something. We'll get you house trained yet."

Upon closer inspection, there were little wet paw prints tracked from the used corner onto the dry part of the training pad. Lilly screwed up her face. "Gross." Oscar ran over to one of the puddles on the floor and sniffed at it. He looked like he was about one second away from lapping it up. "No!" Lilly yelled, making him jump and look up at her with reproach.

She strode across the room and scooped him up in her arms. "Come on, let's get you outside before you start peeing again."

Most of her frustration dissipated as she took deep breaths of the clean, early morning air and watched Oscar race around their tiny front yard, sniffing at everything. It wasn't that she didn't love having Oscar. She did. It was just that lately she felt like she spent ninety percent of her time cleaning up dog pee.

Once he was housetrained it would get a lot better, she told herself. Miley had said Aunt Pearl had the puppies partially housetrained, but the stress of the plane ride, loss of his mom and siblings, and all-new surroundings had knocked out whatever control he had and Lilly had been forced to start all over. They were making progress; at least it was only pee she had to clean up now. The first few days after he'd gotten here had been much more unpleasant.

Oscar finished up and then came trotting across the grass to her, tail wagging, wanting a treat. Lilly dug one out of her pocket and broke it in half, feeding him a piece and ruffling up his fur while she praised him effusively. They played chase, running back and forth across the yard for a while before she herded him back inside and left him in the living room so she could clean up the messes in the kitchen.

"Sorry, Oskie, but I've got class," she told him, setting him back in the kitchen when she finished. He whined piteously and pawed at the gate. "I'll be back right after, and I'll take you for a walk, I promise. It's only a couple hours."

He whimpered and barked at her the whole time she was gathering up books and shoving them into her bag, and she squashed down guilt at leaving him all alone for so long. The door cut off his cries and she stuck her keys in her bag, snapped on her helmet, and threw her skateboard down on the walk.

There were still little patches of snow here and there, but the streets and sidewalks were clear, and she was hoping the exercise and the cold air would wake her up a little more before she got to class. Getting up at night to take Oscar out had her perpetually tired these days. Last night she'd fallen asleep on the couch during the six o'clock news and hadn't woken up until after eight.

Plus, these days going back and forth to class was the only chance she had to get in a little skateboarding, which made this worth it even though she'd watched the weather and knew there might be more snow today. If there was she would walk back. It didn't seemed worth it to take the car for a five minute drive, though two years ago walking in the snow wouldn't have even been an option and she would have called Miley and waited at school, peeking through the windows until Miley came to get her with a pre-warmed car. It figured she'd finally get used to winter when this was hopefully the last one she'd have to endure.

Lilly sighed and pushed off down the driveway to the road, already knowing there would be more for her to clean up when she got back.

———————————————

Having class on your birthday really sucked. Not that it was anything new; a January birthday meant Lilly had always had to go to school on her birthday, except in the rare cases when it fell on a weekend. And once, when she turned fourteen, her mom had let her stay home from school and they'd gone shopping all morning, and Mr. Stewart had secretly checked Miley out of school after fourth period, and Lilly and her mom had gotten all dressed up and gone to lunch at this really fancy French restaurant out in North Hollywood, and Miley had been waiting for them outside holding a present wrapped in shiny purple paper with a gold bow. Miley was grinning that big dorky snaggletooth grin of hers, and when she saw them her eyes lit up and she got so excited she rocked up on her tiptoes, and then she ran to them and hugged Lilly so hard she almost fell over.

It had pretty much been the perfect day.

She'd felt so grown up that day, sitting in front of a plate that was surrounded by more silverware than she knew what to do with and a waiter who hadn't even cracked a smile when she mispronounced Coq au Vin, just bowed and complimented her on her choice. And later he'd brought out pieces of cake for all of them, chocolate cake that was so rich it melted in her mouth. She and Miley had been the youngest people in that restaurant by more than ten years, but it hadn't mattered. That day she'd felt like an adult, as grown up as anyone else there.

Nine months later she'd found out just how wrong she was.

Lilly stomped up the stairs to the porch, knocking the toes of her boots against the edge of each step to try and dislodge the snow from the treads. It had snowed and iced while she was in class, making the sidewalks way too slick for Lilly to attempt to skateboard back home. Unlacing the boots, Lilly stepped out of them and through the front door, leaving the boots on the porch because she was coming right back out as soon as she got Oscar. Then she saw the living room and stopped in her tracks.

There were flowers in a vase on the coffee table, a bouquet of roses, daisies, and carnations, and a cake next to them with white frosting and _Happy Birthday Lilly_ written across it in pale blue. A silver Happy Birthday banner hung along the wall above the couch and a bunch of balloons had been tied to the floor lamp. Presents were stacked in a pyramid on the couch.

"Miley?" Lilly whispered, trying not to let herself hope. She knew Miley had a show tonight in Norfolk.

The only answer was Oscar's high-pitched puppy yap. He threw himself against the baby gate, rattling it. Disappointment flooded through her despite Lilly's best efforts. What had she really been expecting, that Miley would cancel a concert and fly all the way across the country just because it was her birthday? That wasn't fair, and she hadn't expected it, not really, but when she'd seen everything, just for a second she'd thought...

Her phone rang, the sound rising over Oscar's whining. Lilly grabbed it out of her bag and answered it, already knowing who it would be.

"How...?" she asked.

Miley's rich chuckle rolled into her ear. "I called in a favor and had D.G. come by," she said. "Happy Birthday."

"I think he owes you a little more than this," Lilly said. After all, Miley had given him the studio once the album wrapped since he'd decided to stay in Seattle permanently. "And you already called and told me happy birthday this morning."

"I'm allowed to say it more than once. Did I time this right?"

"Yeah," Lilly said. "I just walked in the door. I haven't even taken Oscar out yet and he's gonna go crazy in a minute if I don't." She propped the phone between her ear and shoulder walked to the kitchen, bending over the gate, grabbing up the puppy, and carrying the squirming bundle back to the front door.

"Lilly," Miley said. "You know how much I want to be there with you. If I could I – "

"I know," Lilly said. She put Oscar down on the porch and clutched the phone again, jamming her feet back in her boots and watching as Oscar scrambled down the porch steps and into the yard. "I know. It's okay. You have a show."

"I'm gonna dedicate it to you."

Lilly laughed. "And here I thought all your shows were dedicated to me," she teased, following Oscar off the porch without bothering to tie her laces.

"They are," Miley said, laughing too. "This one will be _special_. For your birthday."

"Uh-huh," Lilly said. "Nice try, but I'm not buying it, Stewart. Who else have you been dedicating concerts to?"

"Happy Birthday, Lilly," Miley said softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too," Lilly whispered. The wind picked up, whipping her hair around her head and cutting through her coat and sweater, through skin and flesh and blood, right down to the bone.

———————————————

Later that night her parents called to tell her Happy Birthday. Lilly had Oscar in the living room with her, playing tug-of-war with him over his knotted rope toy.

"I can't believe you're twenty-two already," her mother complained once they'd sung Happy Birthday off-key and her father had gotten off the line. "Do you know what that means? It means _I'm_ getting old!"

Lilly laughed. She let go of the rope and Oscar fell back on his butt, shaking his head in surprise at what had just happened. Lilly picked him up and deposited him back in the kitchen so he wouldn't pee on the rug while she wasn't watching. "I don't know what to tell you, Mom. You're the one who decided to have kids."

Her mother hmmed. "I might not have if I'd known how it would make me old before my time. I think I need you girls to give me some grandkids to make me young again."

"_Grandkids?_" Lilly choked, flopping down on the couch next to the pile of still-wrapped presents. Just because she wanted kids didn't mean she wanted them _now_. "I'm only twenty-two, Mom, you are _not_ allowed to start in with the grandkids talk for at least another five years." But inwardly she was more than pleased. Her mom wanted her to have kids. With Miley. She couldn't have given Lilly a better birthday present if she'd tried, and Lilly couldn't wait to tell Miley. Maybe that would convince Miley once and for all that Heather didn't hate her anymore. "Besides, I don't see how having grandchildren is going to make you feel any _younger_."

"Well," her mother sniffed. "At least then you'd be commiserating with me about getting old."

"Mom," Lilly said. She picked nervously at a piece of tape on one of the presents. "Do you...do you remember when I turned fourteen?" Usually, she avoided all talk of the past because stumbling over differences between her memories and the reality here was always painful. But she already knew this would be different and she felt a deep and inexplicable need to know _how_.

"Of course I do, dear," Heather said. "Let me see, that was the year I took you on a shopping spree, right? I've never seen someone buy so much pink at one time before. And then we went to lunch. At Le Petit Chateau, wasn't it?"

"Yeah," Lilly said, sitting up straight. She didn't remember buying anything pink, but the rest was the same. Of course, Miley wouldn't have met them at the restaurant, but maybe things weren't as different as she'd feared. "Remember how good that chocolate cake they gave us was?"

"I wouldn't know, Lilly," her mother said tightly. "And neither would you, because as I recall you threw a fit and refused to eat it because it would make you fat. You made such a scene we had to leave the restaurant. Why exactly did you feel the need to bring this up again?"

Oh. Then again, maybe they were. "I, um, I must have been thinking of something else," Lilly mumbled. "Sorry."

A few minutes later her dad got back on the line and she said goodnight to both of them, hanging up and staring off into space for a while before she picked up the phone again and texted Miley: _rmbr that choc bday cake when i was 14?_

It was late in Virginia by now, and she half didn't expect a reply, but a minute later Miley wrote back: _duh. #1 choc cake EVER!!_

Lilly slouched down against the couch and looked up at the ceiling, considering that. Mostly she tried not to think about the other version of her, because it only made her murderously angry, thinking about what she'd done to Miley, what she might be doing even now, back there, to people Lilly loved. But now she felt a stab of pity for the other girl, because Miley was right, and her other self would never know that, had never known what it was like to have a friend who loved her so much it made her a better, stronger person. Who gave her the courage to be herself and not some bitchy Amber-and-Ashley clone who was obsessed with her weight and desperate for their approval.

Lilly's fingers moved over the keypad, typing out a final message: _it really was_.

———————————————

There was a crowd waiting outside the back door after the concert. Miley grinned and plunged into it, their screams blending into the ones still echoing in her ears from when she'd left the stage. She lost track of Jenny, but a couple of the night's security guys stayed close at her shoulders.

Miley worked her way through, signing so many things her hand started to hurt, but that wasn't even a minor annoyance since she was still floating on a post-performance high. She was just over halfway through when it happened. A girl her own age thrust a picture at her and told her the concert had rocked. Miley took the picture and shouted thanks back, and then the girl leaned closer and said, "But are you ever going sing any of Hannah's songs again?"

It wasn't the first time Miley had been asked that, and her smile didn't slip as all the euphoria drained out of her, not even a little. She'd had a lot of practice at that, much more than she'd ever wanted. Sometimes she thought most of her life was one long lesson in how to hide what was going on inside her head, how to keep smiling even when it hurt.

"I can't," she said, and it came out much hoarser than she'd wanted. "I'm sorry. I don't sing those songs any longer."

"It's okay," the girl said, smiling too, like she understood, even though there was no way she ever could. Miley autographed her picture as quickly as possible, trying not to let her hand shake, knowing the girl was watching her. "I know the tour's about your new stuff, and everything, and don't get me wrong, I love it, I love the new album. But Hannah...those were good songs, too."

"I know they were." Miley cleared her throat. Her father had written those songs. "I know." She blindly handed the picture back to the girl, the screams and shouts of the other fans buffeting her ears, half for her and half for Hannah, wanting her back. "I'm sorry," she said again. "I can't."

Miley didn't sign anything else. She gestured to one of the security guys and he kept the rest of the mob off as she hurried for the limo and ducked inside. Jenny was already there. "That was quick," she said. "You've still got twenty minutes before you're supposed to call Lilly."

Miley threw herself down on the seat without answering. The security guy banged on the front window and the limo started moving.

"What happened?" Jenny said.

"Nothing," Miley said, leaning her head back against the seat. "The usual. Hannah. People screaming for her and wanting to know why I don't perform her music anymore."

"Oh," Jenny said, and then after a minute, cautiously curious, "Why don't you?"

Because it was bad enough that she here, on tour, doing this. It was bad enough that she'd recorded another album, gone out and done press, stood around after concerts signing autographs, just like Hannah had. It was bad enough that she still got a thrill every time she went on stage, bad enough that she wanted that and couldn't seem to make herself stop.

She couldn't make herself stop wanting it even though wanting it had ruined everything, wanting to be _Hannah_ had ruined everything. And if she let them call her Hannah again, if she sang those songs, it would be like saying it was okay for her to want this, to have wanted it back then so badly she forgot everything else in her life.

"Because I'm not Hannah," Miley said.

"But you were," Jenny said. "And you don't…is it because it ended so badly?" She asked it gently. Carefully, probably because she'd never had the nerve to ask Miley anything like that before, to even mention what had happened with Hannah, and was no doubt afraid that Miley was going to make her regret doing so now.

But Miley wouldn't. There wouldn't be any point, not when the two of them weren't really having the same conversation. "Yes," Miley said, and it was even true, but they weren't talking about the same thing.

She knew that for Jenny, for everyone else, it had ended with Hannah in rehab, Hannah quitting. But for Miley that had come long after the end. That had been a beginning, a rebirth, a chance to reject her wish and reclaim everything that was important to her, everything her thoughtlessness had lost her. The end had come much sooner. The end had been Hannah, everywhere, all the time.

Just like she was now.

But I'm not Hannah, Miley thought. I'm not.

It was different this time. She had her own album now, songs she'd written herself. She had her family, she had Lilly. She had her life, her _real_ life, that didn't have anything to do with this tour, with any of this, and she was going to keep it that way.

She wasn't going out partying, wasn't doing videos, wasn't putting her name on anything that would sell. She wasn't endorsing skin cream or going after national promotion, she wasn't chasing the fame Hannah'd had. She wasn't Hannah. She couldn't be.

And all of this would be so much less painful if only everyone else were capable of understanding that.

———————————————

It was almost two-thirty. Lilly scribbled down notes on the last bit of her State Government readings before throwing her notebook on the coffee table and opening her laptop. Miley had an interview in a few minutes on a radio station in Raleigh. The best thing about quitting the skatepark was that she was home a lot more and got catch more of Miley's interviews since most stations streamed everything online these days. Lilly had already told Miley she'd be listening to this one.

Lilly set the laptop back down and got up to search for her wireless mouse. She hated using the trackpad. Oscar leapt down from where he'd been curled up next to her on the couch and joined in the search, though his idea of helping consisted mostly of weaving between her feet so that she tripped over him and almost fell.

She finally found the mouse under the couch. It was covered in dog slobber. "Oh, yuck," Lilly said, wiping it dry as best she could on her pants. "Oscar, this is not a toy, okay?" Oscar looked at her for a second and then flipped over on his back, begging for her to pet his stomach, which she did, using the other hand to select the bookmark that brought up the station's webpage.

Her timing was perfect: the page loaded just as the host was just introducing Miley. The banner graphic on the page told Lilly his name was Scott Butler. "...have with me tonight an incredibly talented singer, who has out a debut album of sorts, though she's certainly not new to this business, and she's been playing on a sold-out tour for the past six months. We all remember her as Hannah Montana, but these days she goes by Miley Stewart!"

"Look, it's Miley, Oscar," Lilly said, sitting back down on the couch and pulling the laptop into her lap. Oscar cocked his head at her quizzically and then stretched up and put his front paws on the couch cushion. Lilly reached down and scooped him up next to her so he could see the screen. He flopped sideways, yawned, and closed his eyes. Lilly chuckled and ran a hand over his side. "I'm going tell Miley you did that, and she's gonna be hurt."

Miley and Scott were just finishing the obligatory so-great-to-be-here/so-great-to-have-you-here exchange. "Now, Miley," Scott said. "This isn't your first album."

"No, it isn't, Scott."

"But it's been a long time since your last one." It went on from there, both of them talking about the new album briefly before Scott fell back to the questions about Hannah and rehab that Lilly was starting to think were just as required as the way they'd greeted each other, because no one could seem to resist asking them. Lilly could read Miley's frustration and unease in the way she paused a fraction of a second before she answered, in the way that the answers, when they came, were stock phrases, worn so smooth through repetition they were practically meaningless.

At least he hadn't called her Hannah, Lilly thought, but then he slipped up and did. Lilly set the laptop down, switching it for Oscar and hugging him when it happened again. He whimpered in her arms and squirmed around, licking her hands and the side of her neck. Scott started taking calls from the audience, and Lilly figured it was about a two-to-one ratio of being called Hannah to Miley.

"She's not gonna be happy," she told Oscar, and wasn't surprised when her phone started ringing almost as soon as the interview was over. "Hey," she said, answering it.

Miley's voice groaned in her ear. "Did you hear how many times he said Hannah Montana?" she complained.

"Yeah," Lilly sighed.

"Fifty-seven, Lilly. _Fifty-seven_. I counted. I was barely on the damn show for ten minutes. And when I left he told me goodbye and called me Hannah again. The album's been out for almost a year, I'm on a sold-out tour, and still, the only thing people ever want to talk about is Hannah, Hannah, Hannah. Why can't they just let her go? Sometimes I feel like no matter what I do, no matter what song I write, my whole life will come down to two words: Hannah Montana."

"Hey," Lilly said. "That's only if you let them pick the words."

"What other words _are_ there?" Miley asked, upset.

"How about...frog and toad?" Lilly suggested.

The line was quiet for a minute. Then, "dork and freak?"

Lilly smiled. She gripped the phone tighter, cursing the thousands of miles between them that were keeping her from grabbing Miley and hugging for all she was worth. "You and me."

"Now those are two words I can live with," Miley said, and Lilly could tell from her voice that she was smiling, too.

———————————————

"Come _on_, Oscar," Lilly said, tugging fruitlessly on the leash. She'd played with him outside for a while when she'd gotten home from class, and then taken him out for a walk but it was almost five now and she wanted to get home before it got dark. They'd made it around the block fine, but then Oscar had decided he was done and plopped himself down and refused to budge. She yanked on the leash, but he hadn't quite mastered the concept of the leash yet and he remained right where he was, sprawled out panting on the neighbor's lawn.

Changing tactics, Lilly crouched down and clapped her hands against her knees, pitching her voice high and excited. "C'mere, Oskie, c'mon, you can do it, we're almost home, c'mere boy!"

Oscar cocked his head to one side and studied her for a moment. Then he yawned.

Lilly rose to her feet and walked over to the puppy, wagging a finger at him. "Somebody's got an obedience course in his future," she told him. He whined in his throat and tried to bite her tennis shoe.

"You are so bad," she mock-scolded, leaning down and plucking him up into her arms. "Yes, you are, you are such a bad puppy. You're lucky you're so cute or I'd just leave you out here in the street." He squirmed around in her arms until he could lick her face. Lilly laughed and carried him over onto their property. "Come on, let's check the mail before we go in, huh?"

Setting him down at her feet, she slipped the leash over her wrist and opened the mailbox. The only thing in it was a large, bulky envelope. Her heart started beating faster when she pulled it out and saw the UCLA Law crest stamped in the top left corner.

"Oscar," she whispered. "I think I might have just gotten into law school." Oscar demonstrated his excitement at the news by biting at the end of a stick.

She couldn't wait to get inside, she slid her fingers under the flap and ripped it open right there on the sidewalk, sliding out the papers inside. Almost in a trance, she stared at the sheet of paper on top. She'd done it. She'd gotten into UCLA Law.

"I did it," she said faintly. "Oscar, I did it!" He sat down and scratched behind his ear with a hind leg. "Hey, I was excited for you the time you finally figured out how to jump up on the couch!"

Lilly fished her cell phone out of her pocket and called Miley, grimacing when she brought the phone to her ear. It smelled like dog treats because she'd accidentally stuck it in the same pocket with them. "Pick up, pick up," she muttered. This wasn't news she wanted to share with Miley's voicemail.

"Hey," Miley's voice came, finally.

"Guess what, guess what, guess what?" Lilly chanted. She bounced up and down in place, her excitement growing now that she had Miley on the line.

Miley laughed. "What?"

"I got in!"

"Oh my god," Miley squealed. "Are you serious? You got into UCLA?"

"Yeah," Lilly said breathlessly. "I just got the acceptance letter. I'm looking at it right now!"

"Oh my god, Lilly, that is _so great!_" Miley yelled in her ear. Lilly held the phone out from her head a bit and turned down the volume. "I knew you'd get in!"

"What, and you're always right, is that it?" Lilly teased.

"You know it," Miley said. Lilly could hear another voice talking in the background. "Dammit, I've gotta go, Lilly. I'm doing an interview and I guess they actually want me to go on the air or something."

"I didn't know you were about to go on!" Lilly said. "Go, go! Call me later."

"I will. You've gotta celebrate tonight, okay? This is such great news."

"Okay. I love you."

"Love you, too," Miley said and the line went dead.

Lilly put the phone back in her pocket, peering down at the puppy who was now chewing on one of her shoelaces. "Celebrate, huh?" she asked him. But with who?

———————————————

Rain came down in sheets, the wind blowing it almost sideways. Lilly was sure it was at least half ice. The temperature had been hovering around freezing the past couple days. A particularly strong gust of wind sent so much rain slamming into the windshield that Lilly couldn't see through it for a minute even though the wipers were on high. She squinted and slowed the car even further. The speed limit on this road was fifty and she was currently going about fifteen. She really should have gone grocery shopping yesterday, but she'd figured it would be easier just to go on her way home from class today. Now there was absolutely no food left in the house and she didn't have a choice.

Lilly made a right turn and sped up a little as the rain lashed against the side of the car instead of the front and she got some visibility back. The sharp, throbbing ache in her lower abdomen intensified, reminding her that she needed to make sure she picked up some Midol while she was at the store.

The rain let up for a second. Lilly stepped on the gas, and the car completely died. It took her a few seconds to realize it, because the car kept moving forward. It slowed to a crawl and she kept pushing on the gas pedal, wondering why it wasn't doing anything, and then it dawned on her that the heat had cut off and so had all the lights on the dash. Crap. Lilly yanked hard on the steering wheel, trying to coast over onto the shoulder, but it was too late. The car rolled to a stop still squarely in the middle of the right lane.

Lilly hit the hazard lights button, but she didn't think it did anything. She undid her seatbelt and reached over to the passenger seat, scrabbling though her bag until she found her phone. Then she stopped with her thumb hovering over the keypad. She didn't know who to call.

A car whipped past her in the other lane, honking its horn repeatedly. Lilly jumped. Should she get out of the car? The rain was coming down harder than ever. Visibility was practically zero and without the hazard lights it was entirely possible she would get rear-ended even though there wasn't much traffic on this road. But she needed to use her phone to look up a tow service, and she didn't know if it would work if it got soaked. There was an umbrella on the floor behind her seat, but with the wind like this it probably wouldn't do any good.

Another horn sounded, this one directly behind her, and then there was the squeal of tires on asphalt as someone slammed on their brakes. Lilly threw up her arms to cover her face and braced herself for the collision.

It never came. After several long, agonizing seconds, she slowly lowered her arms. Someone pounded on her window and Lilly almost jumped out of her skin. She went to put the window down, but it didn't work. Of course not: they were electric. She had a brief debate with herself about opening the door – she couldn't really see the guy because of the rain, and for all she knew he could be some murdering psycho – but a second later she was fumbling for the door handle.

"You're in the middle of the road!" the guy yelled.

"I know!" Lilly said. She got out of the car and shut the door to try and keep too much rain from getting inside. The icy downpour instantly soaked through her clothes. "My car just died!"

"Shit," the guy cursed. His car, a white SUV, had stopped less than a foot from Lilly's rear bumper. The headlights were on, piercing through the rain, a bright contrast to the dark gray of the sky. Lilly could see the guy a little now, a well-built man wearing a long, black coat that looked expensive. His curly blonde hair was plastered to his head by the rain. "Put it in neutral, I'll help you push it off to the side!"

"Okay!" Lilly shouted over the rain, squinting when the wind sent it driving into her face. She opened the door and got the car in neutral. They pushed together, the guy from the back and Lilly with her shoulder against the doorframe, one hand steering the car to the right. The leather seat was going to be ruined.

It only took a minute to get the car safely on the shoulder with the two of them pushing. Lilly doubted she could have done it by herself. "Thanks," she yelled as the guy turned and jogged back to his car. He waved at her and she expected him to get in and drive away, but he only stuck his head in the door for a second and ran back over to her.

"My wife called for a tow," he said. "Should be here in about fifteen minutes."

"Thank you _so much_," Lilly told him. She would have been totally screwed without his help.

"No problem," he called, heading for his car again. "Good luck!"

The SVU pulled past her and Lilly opened the back door to the car, crawling in and lying down on the seat after she closed the door behind her. She'd forgotten about the pain in her abdomen during all the excitement, but now it throbbed back full force. She drew her knees up towards her chest. All the heat had gone out of the car while she'd had the door open to push and she waited for the tow truck shivering under her sodden coat and clothes.

———————————————

It was past midnight. Twenty minutes past, and Miley was starting to get worried. Lilly hadn't called, and when Miley had called her Lilly hadn't answered. They hadn't missed a night so far since they'd set up their specific time back in October, not without advance warning. Something must have happened.

She glanced at the display on her phone again, hoping that somehow she'd set it on silent or something, and Lilly had called in the thirty seconds since she'd last checked. She hadn't. Miley called again, got voicemail, and left a short, worried message asking Lilly to call her. She'd put the phone back down on the little hotel table and hunched over her laptop to start searching the Seattle news sites to see if anything catastrophic had happened when the phone rang.

"What happened?" she said into it.

"Maria the second is dead," Lilly said dully.

"What?" Miley asked, really alarmed now. "What happened? Are you okay? Did you get hurt?"

"No, it wasn't like that," Lilly reassured her. "I'm fine, just a little worn out."

"What happened?" Miley repeated. Lilly explained about the storm and the car. "Jesus," Miley said. "You could have been killed. Why didn't you call me?"

"You're all the way across the country, Miley," Lilly pointed out. "What could you have done? Some guy stopped and helped me push the car off to the side and his wife called a tow truck. I just got back from the mechanic."

"You still should have called me," Miley said stubbornly.

"Miley," Lilly sighed, sounding like she was about to cry. "Drop it, I really don't have the energy right now. It's going to be a couple grand to fix the car. The alternator has to be replaced, and the driver's side seat needs to be recovered, and there was a whole bunch of other stuff the guy said after my brain stopped working that I can't remember right now."

"Forget it," Miley said. "Just get a new one, we've had that thing six years already anyway. Pick out whatever you want, we're going to need two cars back in Malibu anyway so I'll just get something for myself when I get back." She didn't want to bother Lilly with it right now, but she made a mental note to text her tomorrow to try and get a hybrid so they wouldn't have to listen to Jackson and Sarah bitch at them all the time. Lexus had some nice ones now.

"I'm sorry I killed our car," Lilly said.

"Who cares about the car?" Miley said. "I'm just glad you're okay." There was silence on the line. "Lilly? You are okay, aren't you?"

"No," Lilly cried. "I mean, yes, I'm fine, it's just...the stupid car broke down and you're on the other side of the country and there wasn't even anyone else I could call, I mean I spent my birthday alone and there wasn't anyone to celebrate with when I got into UCLA and I just had to spend four hours at the mechanic's after getting completely drenched and I have cramps and I didn't even get to go to the store so now there isn't anything to eat and – "

"Hey, hey, hey," Miley soothed. "It's okay, Lilly, it's all right, everything's gonna be fine, I promise."

"I know," Lilly said. Miley could hear her breathing deeply. "I'm okay, really. I'm just really tired right now, and hungry. And hormonal. Sorry I freaked out on you."

"Not a problem," Miley assured her. "Completely understandable. You need to get some food into you and get a good night's sleep. Why don't you order something in? Or you want me to do it?"

"Yeah," Lilly said, her voice small.

"Done," Miley said. She was already pulling up the website for the pizza place on Northlake that they liked. It only took a few seconds to submit the order. "Okay, one bacon and pineapple pizza on its way. It should be there in half an hour."

"Thanks," Lilly said. "Sorry for being so pathetic. I just...I can't wait for the tour to be over."

"I know," Miley said. "But Spring Break's in a week and a half. We'll see each other then."

"Yeah," Lilly said. "I want it to be June, though, so you'll be back and I'll have graduated and we'll have moved already and the only thing I'll have to worry about is finding a dress to wear to Jackson and Sarah's wedding."

"A couple more months, that's all," Miley reminded her, even though she knew it wouldn't make Lilly feel any better. She told herself the same thing all the time and it never helped.

"I miss you," Lilly said.

"I miss you, too, frog," Miley said, and decided that she was never going on tour for this long again. If the label didn't like that, she'd quit, for good this time, and if that felt like failing, well, she was used to that. She could live with that. She couldn't live without Lilly, and after this tour was over she wasn't going to let anyone make her try.

———————————————

**The "my whole life will come down to two words" line I stole straight from Billy Ray from his Home At Last show on CMT. (Except his two words were Achy Breaky). Did anyone else watch that show? Sheer. **_**Genius**_**. The editing on it was a thing of beauty, and the **_**content**_**. The cockeyed mullet! The deeply heartfelt, spontaneous, not at all rehearsed conversations! The tattoo advice! So much wind blowing in so much hair! And the buckets, oh god, the buckets. I can't even tell y'all how much joy this show brought me. It's still on my tivo from over a year ago and I just wish they'd put it out on dvd. With commentary, of course.**


	24. Peel Away The Surface

**You guys, I am watching my DVDs and I forgot what baaaaaaabies they all are in the early episodes. I love how you can watch first season thinking how cute and adorable and tiny they are, and then halfway through it's suddenly like, "OH HAI, PUBERTY, HOWZIT GOIN'?" Also enjoyable: watching them learn how to act.**

**FaithIsMyHero: Ha, I do the same thing with the subtitles. Actually, I always turn those on, or closed-captioning, because I'm weird like that. And, yes, the songs that Miley plays are real songs, mostly. (Some are poems.) If you go to the website listed in my author profile and click on the Media category on the right, you'll find an entry that has all the information for the songs that I stole to put on Miley's album. And since I am such a giant geek, I will probably do a soundtrack for this story once it's finished.**

**mileymadness: STUDY. Midterms are more important than this story. Well, not **_**my**_** midterms, or finals, judging from how much time I spent writing this rather than working on those. But **_**yours**_** are! **

**Initiate Six: Here is my question for you. **_**Why are all of his electric guitars right-handed?**_** This is seriously bothering me. I mean, he never **_**plays**_** them, but yeah. It bugs me every time I see them now.**

**Thanks as always to everyone for reviewing. We are nearing the end here, people. I can't believe it.**

———————————————

**Chapter Twenty-Four: Peel Away The Surface**

———————————————

You and me walk on, walk on, walk on  
Yeah, you and me walk on, walk on, walk on  
'Cause you can't go back now  
You can't go back now

- The Weepies, _Can't Go Back Now_

———————————————

**Spring Break 2014**

The airport wasn't too crowded this early in the morning. Yawning, Lilly wove around the few other people who were staring in a daze at the airline logos above the check-in counters, towing her suitcase behind her and feeling like she knew this place entirely too well. Outside the floor-to-ceiling glass walls it was still dark, but it was almost eight-thirty in Atlanta, and her flight didn't leave until seven Seattle time. It would be at least four p.m. Atlanta time before they landed and she made it out of Hartsfield to meet Miley.

There was one other woman in the first class line for United and Lilly stood behind her, head nodding down almost to her chest as she fought to stay awake. It's spring break, she reminded herself, trying to work up enough excitement to keep herself awake until she got on the plane. Seven more hours until she saw Miley. That thought helped.

Miley had said it would take about twenty minutes to get to the hotel from the airport. And five minutes after that, Lilly thought, perking up further, I bet I'll be naked.

———————————————

Sweat coated both their bodies, darkening their hair, and the sheets under them were damp and slightly sticky.

"Oh my god," Miley groaned. "That was the absolute _worst_ sex we have ever had."

"I know," Lilly moaned, one hand cradled protectively over her nose. Miley thought it might be starting to swell up.

"At least you got off," Miley sniped.

"Sure, if you want to call that getting off," Lilly snapped. "And I hardly think it makes up for the fact that my nose is probably broken and I'm going to have bruises everywhere. Your elbows should be registered weapons."

"Jesus, I am so tense," Miley whined, kicking the bunched up sheets at the end of the bed in frustration. "I think my entire body is one giant knot."

"I'd offer to give you a massage," Lilly told her, "but my hand's cramping up."

There was a beat of silence, then they both looked over at each other and burst out laughing. "Oh, god," Miley wheezed, barely able to get the words out between laughs. "Oh, god, I missed you so much."

"I know," Lilly gasped. "Me too. I could do without the bad sex, but..." She dissolved into laughter again.

"Hey," Miley said. "After three and a half months, I'll even take bad sex."

"Easy for you to say, your nose is still intact."

"It didn't even bleed, ya big baby, get over it!"

"Oh, I'll get over it," Lilly threatened, attacking Miley. "C'mere." They wrestled on the bed, giggling madly, until Miley's phone chirped at them.

"I've got that interview with the one of the radio stations," Miley complained. She peered down at Lilly, who at this point was pinned under her and, Miley was sure, had been about ten seconds away from conceding defeat. "I don't want to go, you just got here."

"It's one interview, it won't take that long," Lilly pointed out. "You don't have anything else today, do you?"

"No, but...I've missed you. And you haven't even gotten to tell me about how Oscar's doing yet, or catch me up on your classes or your parents or if Kyle still has detention."

"That's because someone tackled me onto the bed as soon as I walked through the door," Lilly said.

"What?" Miley said, looking around the room wildly. "Who did that? Where are they, I'll – "

"You only think you're funny," Lilly informed her, but she looked like she was trying not to laugh. "Go on, get out of here before Jenny breaks down the door looking for you."

"You aren't going to come?" Miley asked.

"Nah," Lilly said. "I'm kinda tired from the flight, and radio personalities give me a headache. I think I'll just take a nap. I'll be here when you get back. And I brought new pictures of Oscar to show you, if you can leave my clothes on long enough to look at them."

"It'll be a struggle," Miley said dryly, leaning down and giving her a quick kiss before climbing off and starting the search for her own clothes.

Jenny was already in the hall when Miley opened the door, her hand raised to knock. Miley stepped out and quickly pulled the door shut behind her since Lilly was still undressed. "Let's go, I wanna get this over with as fast as possible," Miley said. They started down the hall.

"Lilly's not coming?" Jenny asked.

"No, she's taking a nap." Naked, Miley thought, and almost turned around and went back to the room. Blowing off one interview wouldn't be that bad, would it?

"Okay, well, Keith called." The elevator doors slid shut and Miley reluctantly gave up the idea of skipping out on the interview. "He said Cover Girl upped their offer to a million five."

"Still no," Miley said.

"That's what I told him you'd say, but he made me promise to ask you." Jenny hit a few buttons on her phone, frowned at it. "Oh, and Diana wants to talk to you."

Miley vaguely remembered receiving a voicemail to that effect earlier in the day, but she'd been a little more focused on the fact that Lilly was coming. "I'll call her in the car."

"Miley, darling," Diana said when she answered Miley's call, and Miley rolled her eyes. Diana wanted something. "How's Lilly, did she make it out there all right?"

"What do you want, Diana?"

"I can't just be calling to chat?"

The car turned left and Miley wondered how anyone ever found their way around this city when all the streets were named Peachtree. "No."

"I need a favor." Surprise, surprise, Miley thought. "You know Vanessa West, she took over for Ferguson. She owes me. Anyway, the show's down in Atlanta for the week and one of the scheduled guests flaked or threw a fit and cancelled, or something, I wasn't really paying attention, she talks too much. The upshot is she needs a replacement and naturally I thought of you."

"That's national," Miley said. She wasn't supposed to have to do any more national.

"It's late late night," Diana said. "It hardly counts."

"Why are you doing this for her if she's the one that owes you?"

"Because now she'll owe me double. It's a mutually beneficial relationship, darling, we don't keep track," Diana said, despite the fact that she clearly did.

"Most people call that a friendship," Miley told her.

"I wouldn't go that far. So you'll do it?"

"I don't know, Diana. Lilly's here, and all they ever want to talk about is Hannah. I'm tired of it."

"Don't complain about that to me when you won't let me market you properly," Diana said. "Honestly, I don't know what you expect."

"Can't you find someone else?" Miley asked. "_Honestly_, I don't know why she'd even want me on, it's not like everything she'll ask me about hasn't been covered already – "

"She wants you because you know how to give a good interview," Diana broke in. "Most people are hopeless at it, you know that. And you've got presence, darling. Charisma. People would pay to hear you sing the phonebook." Miley snorted at that.

"And look at it this way," Diana continued. "You do this for me and _I'll_ owe _you_."

Miley sighed. "When is it?"

"Thursday afternoon, it'll air that night. I'll send Jenny the details."

She already had some stuff scheduled for that morning, so it wouldn't be that big a deal to add this on. "Okay, but you _definitely_ owe me, and I _will_ be collecting."

"I'd be disappointed if you didn't," Diana said. "Listen, I have to run, but give my love to Lilly, all right?" The line went dead.

"Nice talking to you, too, Diana," Miley muttered, looking over at Jenny, who was just hanging up her own phone.

"She talked you into it?" Jenny asked, and Miley made a face. Jenny laughed. "I would have thought Keith had a better chance with Cover Girl."

———————————————

Lilly didn't sleep. She dressed as soon as Miley left and headed out of the hotel, picking a direction at random and walking down the street until she found a convenience store. Then she walked back to the hotel with her sunscreen, calling Jenny on the way to find out which station Miley's interview would be on and what time it would start.

She took two towels from the stack in the hotel bathroom, grabbed her swimsuit from her suitcase and put it on, and then instead of heading down to the hotel pool she took the elevator to the top floor to find the stairs to the roof.

The sign marking the door to the roof as an Emergency Exit and warning her an alarm would sound stopped her briefly, but another call to Jenny took care of it. Two minutes later, a polite young man dressed in hotel livery appeared and opened it for her, apologizing for the delay and asking whether she'd like a lounge chair brought up. Occasionally there were some perks to having a famous girlfriend.

She spent the next hour on the roof, letting the sun draw sweat out of her skin and bake it with the sunscreen. She caught Miley's interview on her phone. Miley must have turned on the charm as soon as she'd gotten to the station, because by the time it started the two hosts were already eating out of the palm of her hand, and by the time it was over Lilly could tell that they were half in love with her. Not that she blamed them.

The stairwell seemed muzzy and dark after the blinding glare on the roof, and the air conditioning was bliss on her overheated skin. Lilly stumbled back to the elevator, blinking to adjust her eyes. She felt sweaty and a little oily from the sunscreen, and she really wanted to take a shower, but when she got back to the room she just changed back into her clothes and flopped down on her stomach on the bed, flipping channels until Miley got back.

"I heard the interview," Lilly said, jumping up when the door opened and going to hug Miley. "You sounded great."

"Thanks," Miley said. "All they wanted to talk about was Hannah Montana, but it's not like that's new." She folded her arms around Lilly and pulled her close, taking a breath and then another, longer one when she caught the familiar smell. "You smell like..." She let go and looked at Lilly in astonishment.

"Yeah, well." Lilly shrugged. "It seemed like you were a little homesick, so..."

"My Lilly-smell." Miley pulled her close again and buried her face against Lilly's neck, inhaling deeply. "God, you are such a dork."

"Yeah," Lilly said. "But I'm your dork."

"I love you, dork."

"I love you, too."

Miley hmmed against her neck. "Hey, you wanna have some more horrible sex?"

Lilly laughed. "I swear to god, you are the only person on this planet who finds sunscreen a turn on. Freak."

"Was that a yes?"

Lilly took a step backwards towards the bed, tugging Miley with her. "Absolutely."

———————————————

Thankfully, even with Diana's little addition, Miley had a fairly light schedule so she was able to spend a lot of time with Lilly either holed up in the hotel or exploring the city. It was the middle of March, already warm in Atlanta, but not too hot, and the crushing humidity of the summer months had yet to materialize, so it was pleasant enough to walk around. And Miley had gotten Jenny to work it so that she had one day completely free, so they even got to take a day trip to Savannah, which Lilly loved. She'd especially loved the pralines on River Street, so much that she'd even talked about wanting to move there to have access to them twenty-four/seven. Luckily, that hadn't lasted longer than the time it took Miley to tell her why it wasn't a good idea to touch the Spanish moss.

She had the first of the three concerts she was playing here on Wednesday night. The dressing room was pretty typical: big mirror, a couch, a couple changes of clothes in case she changed her mind at the last minute about what she wanted to wear, a coffeepot on the vanity in front of the mirror. Miley usually didn't ask for anything more than coffee backstage these days, but Lilly was coming by after she'd done a little work on her Constitutional Law paper, so Miley had asked for someone to bring some snacks in. They'd get dinner after, but Miley didn't want Lilly getting hungry during the concert.

"Come in," Miley called to the knock on the door, wondering why Lilly would bother.

It wasn't Lilly.

"Hey," said a guy with spiky blond hair and a smile that he knew how to use to his full advantage, slipping through the door and closing it behind him.

"Jesse!" Miley exclaimed in surprise. "Oh my god, what are you doing here?" She jumped up and grabbed him into a hug.

"Oh, you know," Jesse said, squeezing her back. "I was in the neighborhood, thought I'd take in a show."

"Uh huh," Miley said, releasing him so she could swat at his stomach with the back of her hand. "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes." They'd dated for a few months when Miley had first come here, but she'd broken it off just before things started to get really bad for her. As much as Jesse had tried to be the perfect boyfriend – and succeeded – something had been missing. It wasn't until the other Lilly delivered her ultimatum and left that Miley had figured out what that something was. He might be the perfect boyfriend, but he'd never be Lilly.

"How long has it been?" Jesse asked. "Seven years?"

"Just about," Miley confirmed. "You've been doing well for yourself," she said. He'd had several more platinum albums, and racked up a bunch of awards along the way.

"You're so cute when you're complimenting me," Jesse joked, grinning, just the way he had said everything she did was cute when they were going out.

Miley laughed. "No, seriously, I was so happy for you when you won that Grammy. I thought about calling you, but..." She'd been falling-down drunk and strung out of her mind on Ecstasy.

"Hey," he said, serious now. "I should have been the one calling you. I still feel bad that I didn't, and that I didn't come by. I feel like I should have done something to help – "

"No," Miley cut in, "no, there wasn't anything you could have done. I was just...going through some stuff." That was putting it mildly.

"I'm just glad you got through it okay." His eyes glowed with sincerity. "And look at you now! You know, I bought your album, it's awesome."

"You always were too nice for your own good," Miley laughed, shaking her head to deflect the compliment. "And cuter than a box of puppies. Why did I break up with you again?"

Jesse turned up the wattage on his perfect smile. "I never did figure that one out."

"Are you going to stay for the concert?"

"I was planning on it. Mind if I watch from back here?"

"Sure," she said. "I'm so glad you came. It's crazy how good it is to see you again." That year and a half had been the worst time of her life, but Jesse had been one of the few bright spots in it.

"You, too," he said, hugging her again, and placing a light, friendly kiss on her lips...just as Lilly opened the door. Miley froze for a split second, then jerked away from him. Crap, she thought, panic flooding through her. This looked bad.

"Oh," Lilly said. Her face was blank, unreadable. "Sorry, I didn't know – I'll just be out here." She disappeared back into the hall.

"Sweet niblets," Miley breathed.

"Who was that?" Jesse asked.

"That was my girlfriend."

"Oh," Jesse said, and then realized the position they'd been in. "Oh, shit."

"Yeah," Miley nodded. "Listen, I'll be, uh, right back," she said, and bolted after Lilly.

People were streaming through the hallway, trying to get last minute prep done, and the stage manager snapped a five minute warning at Miley as he rushed past, but she ignored all of that. She found Lilly a little ways down the main hall from the dressing room, in a shorter, emptier hallway that had the bathrooms at the end of it. "Hey," she said when Miley called to her, and she smiled a little.

Miley smiled back uncertainly. "Hey," she said. "Are you – you aren't – are you mad?"

Lilly's head tilted to the side, the way it did always when she was confused. "About what?"

"About what just happened?" Miley said slowly, confused herself. She wasn't making this up, was she? Lilly had just walked in on Jesse kissing her, right?

"What just happened?" Lilly asked. Her head stayed tilted.

"Nothing," Miley said. "I mean, I know what it looked like, like he was kissing me, but he wasn't – I mean, he _was_ kissing me, but it wasn't anything, I swear, it was just..." As she babbled, Lilly's head tilted back upright and her smile grew, and Miley trailed off lamely as it dawned on her what a mess she was making explaining things.

"You thought I thought he was _kissing_ you," Lilly said. "And you were kissing back."

"Yes," Miley said gratefully. How hard was that? she thought. Why couldn't she have said that? Every time she got worried or scared her mouth got a mind of its own. Then she realized the other way her answer could be taken and the panic that had been ebbing away came back full force. The babble came with it. "I mean, _no_. I mean, he wasn't – I wasn't – "

"Miley." Lilly put her hands on Miley's shoulders and shook her a bit to get her to stop. "Calm down. I know you weren't cheating on me with Jesse McCartney."

"You do?" Miley asked dumbly.

"Of course," Lilly said.

Of course, Miley thought. Like the idea of Miley cheating on her had never even crossed Lilly's mind. And why would it, she wondered. The idea of Lilly cheating had never crossed hers. But then – "Then why did you leave like that?"

"You haven't seen him in forever," Lilly explained, shrugging. "And it looked like you guys were in the middle of something. I didn't want to interrupt if you were having a heart-to-heart or something. I mean, I know he was there for you when..."

Wrapping her arms loosely around Lilly's waist, Miley rested her forehead against Lilly's and rubbed their noses together. "Have I told you lately how much I love you?"

"Oh, I don't know," Lilly said, feigning disinterest. "You might have said something like that at some point."

"Well, I do." Miley kissed her. "Love you." Another kiss. "Kind of maybe a lot."

"Funny how that works out," Lilly murmured. Her hand came up, thumb smoothing over Miley's eyebrow before her fingers tucked Miley's hair behind her ear. "Because I kind of maybe love you a lot, too."

No, there was no way Jesse could ever compete with this, no matter how perfect he was. Pulling Lilly closer, Miley leaned back so that Lilly was lifted of her feet and Miley could spin them both around in a tight circle.

"Ack," Lilly squeaked. "Don't do that!"

Immediately, Miley opened her arms and let Lilly drop back to her feet. "Why not?"

"Because I really have to pee!"

Miley laughed. "Then go pee! What are you waiting for, a bathroom pass? And go quick, I'm on in like two minutes."

Lilly pushed open the bathroom door. "Ah, it's nothing I haven't heard before," she teased over her shoulder.

"Hey!" Miley yelped, and it was Lilly's turn to laugh. "Hey, Jesse's going to stay and watch from back here, if that's okay with you."

"Sure," Lilly called. "I'm sure we'll have plenty to talk about."

Jesse came hurrying up just as the door swung shut behind Lilly. "I didn't get you in trouble, did I?" he asked, genuinely worried.

"No," Miley assured him. She huffed a laugh. "I don't know why I was even worried. It's Lilly, she knows I'd never do anything like that to her. She just didn't want to interrupt us if we were in the middle of something."

"Damn," Jesse whistled. "You'd better marry that girl."

Miley stared at him, startled.

"What?" he asked.

"Nothing," she said. "It's just...I think you might be right." Marry Lilly? For years that idea had been a luxury she'd convinced herself she couldn't afford. She hadn't thought it would be fair to try to tie Lilly to her, to tie Lilly here, when she might one day want to go back. She'd trained herself not to think about it because that hurt too much, and that habit had somehow persisted even after she knew Lilly wasn't going anywhere. But now...

They could do it. Not _here_, of course, or in Tennessee, but in California. Maybe on the beach, Miley mused, until the roaring of the audience interrupted her thoughts and she looked over to see the stage manager frantically waving at her to get onstage. She'd have to think more about it later.

———————————————

They took Jesse with them to dinner. Miley was a little worried by how friendly Lilly and Jesse seemed to be by the time she got offstage – she had a sinking suspicion that their camaraderie had come at the expense of her dignity – but she was still glad he'd come by and was willing to risk having to hear some of her more embarrassing moments rehashed over dinner for the chance to catch up with him a bit more.

"Man, Miley, you just get better with age," he said once they were all seated around the table in one of the restaurant's private rooms. The Sundial sat atop all seventy-three stories of the Westin Peachtree Plaza hotel. It also rotated slowly, giving them a spectacular view of the city lights spread out beneath them.

"Hey," Miley said, pointing a warning finger at him. "You're not supposed to mention how a woman is aging."

Lilly laughed. "Yeah, especially an old crone like Miley."

Miley crossed her arms over her chest and slumped back in her chair. "Just because you're four months younger than me," she grumbled.

"And a half," Lilly reminded her. "And it's not my fault I'll always be a bloom of youth next to you."

"'_Bloom of youth_'?" Miley asked in disbelief.

Jesse regarded them in amusement. "You guys are too much."

"Thank you, thank you," Lilly said, mock-bowing as though accepting his words as the highest accolade.

"Lilly Truscott, ladies and gentlemen," Miley deadpanned. "She'll be here all night. Try the veal." Lilly stuck her tongue out at her, but Miley ignored her, flipping open her menu to study it.

"No one told me I'd be getting dinner _and_ a show," Jesse joked.

"Well, I try to be full service," Lilly said. Miley sniggered and Lilly punched her in the arm. "Miley!"

Miley looked up, false innocence all over her face. "What?" Jesse brought his menu up to cover his laughter.

Lilly narrowed her eyes, but changed the subject instead of yelling at her further. "You're not getting that disgusting concoction of yours again, are you?"

"Sweet tea," Miley said haughtily, "is not _disgusting_. It is the nectar of the gods."

"It's a glass full of sugar with barely enough tea mixed in to make it liquid," Lilly said.

Miley grinned at her. "Only when it's made right."

The restaurant was busy with the late dinner rush, but it was only a few seconds longer before a waitress came over and introduced herself as Jill. "What can I start y'all off with to drink tonight?" She took Miley and Jesse's orders, then answered Lilly's request for a coke with, "What kind?"

"Um," Lilly said, confused.

"Regular," Miley put in, rescuing her. Jill nodded and left.

"Okay, what the heck was that?" Lilly asked.

Miley went back to looking at her menu. "Around here, everything's coke. She was just checking to see if you wanted Sprite or something."

Lilly shook her head. "I am _never_ going to get the South," she complained.

"Well, I reckon ya don't have to, long as ya got me," Miley drawled.

"Good." Lilly pecked a quick kiss on Miley's cheek. "I'm gonna run to the bathroom. Order me something good if she comes back before I do." Miley made a noise in agreement.

"This is fun," Jesse commented after Lilly left.

Miley glanced at him and then back at the menu, trying to decide what Lilly would like best. "Yeah."

"Are you still in Malibu?" Jesse asked. "We should get together more. My girlfriend is always saying she wants to go out with other couples."

"No, we're in Seattle right now," Miley said, closing the menu and looking up in time to see his face fall in disappointment. "But we're going to be moving back in May," she continued, and his face brightened. "Lilly's going to law school at UCLA."

"Wow," Jesse said. "That's awesome."

"Yeah." Miley folded her hands together on top of her menu and gave him her full attention. "Listen, Jesse, I just wanted to say thank you."

"For what?" he asked curiously.

Miley shrugged. "Partly for being such a good boyfriend when we were dating. That was a...bad time for me, and you were one of the few good things in it, so thank you for that." He waved a hand as if to dismiss her gratitude and she hurried on before he could interrupt. "But mostly because I'm going to ask Lilly to marry me, and I want to say thanks for mentioning it earlier, because it got me thinking."

Actually, she hadn't been able to think of anything else while she was onstage, and by the time the concert was over she knew she was going to propose. It was only a matter of when. She was thinking she'd do it after the tour was over, the day after the last show, while they were both still in Malibu.

"Wait, you're going to ask her to marry you just because of one little thing I said?" Jesse asked, sounding a little distressed at the idea.

Miley chuckled. "No, it's...it's a little more complicated than that," she said. "But I wanted to say thank you anyway."

He opened his mouth, looking like he was going to press for more details, but then Lilly came back, followed closely by their waitress, and the conversation turned to other things.

———————————————

The only thing left on the schedule for Thursday was the late show interview, so Miley had given Jenny the rest of the day off to visit one of her friends who had ended up going to Georgia Tech. Lilly went with Miley to the interview instead, and seemed to find it hilarious that everyone assumed she was Miley's assistant.

"Should I be walking two steps behind you?" Lilly teased in her ear. "Do I need to get you anything?"

"Just a girlfriend with a better sense of humor," Miley muttered back.

Miley left her in the Green Room when she went on, figuring Lilly wouldn't get in too much trouble there since there were a bunch of snacks laid out that would probably keep her busy. The interview started off normally enough, with Vanessa giving a recounting of Hannah's rise and fall, and then a listing of Miley's more recent successes: the album sales, which were still respectable for something that had been out over a year, and the tour. But a few minutes in, Vanessa threw Miley a curveball.

"So things certainly seem to be going in the right direction for you," Vanessa said. "I even understand that Cover Girl just offered you a million dollar contract to endorse their new product line."

"How did you hear about that?" Miley asked, surprised. She hadn't thought anyone knew about it.

Vanessa leaned toward her. "Well, don't tell anyone – " She threw an ironic glance at the cameras and Miley and the audience laughed obediently. " – but my husband's a VP of marketing for them."

"Ah," Miley said. "Then you should also know I turned them down."

"Unfortunately, yes," Vanessa said dryly. "It's all I've heard about at home the last three days."

"Well, I didn't mean to cause you problems at home, Vanessa," Miley joked. "But I'm actually not planning on doing any product endorsements, so you can at least tell your husband I won't be going to the competition."

"That's certainly an unusual stance for a celebrity to take these days," Vanessa said. "Have you just changed your mind about the wisdom of celebrity endorsements, or was there something specific in your previous experiences that decided you against it this time? I'm thinking of the Oh, Wow perfume campaign and the embarrassment it caused when it later came out that the perfume actually made you sick."

Miley grimaced. She must have gone through with that here, without Lilly to inadvertently stop her. "Yes, well, I definitely don't want a repeat of that experience. But, no, it wasn't anything specific like that, just something I've decided against, though I also don't want to give the impression that I'm maligning anyone who does choose to do so. It's just not right for me this time around."

"Interesting," said Vanessa. "So what made you decide against it?"

"Well, there are many reasons people decide to do it," Miley said. She briefly outlined the benefits as she saw them. "Most of these don't appeal to me. I'm not concerned with making more money, and – my label's going to kill me for saying this, but – I'm not really interested in more exposure, especially that kind, which often leads to a lot of face recognition by people who aren't familiar with my music."

"So you're saying you don't want a bunch of people coming up to you going, 'Hey, aren't you that singer chick from the Nike commercial?'"

"Right," Miley said, though that wasn't it, exactly. It wasn't even just that it was something Hannah had done that Miley could avoid. A certain amount of exposure came with what she did. She couldn't do anything about that. But she wasn't going to seek out more, not when the more famous you got, the more people wanted to know about you, the more they dug and talked and judged, the harder it got to have any part of your life belong to you instead of the whole world.

But she didn't think she'd be able to explain that even if she'd wanted to. What Vanessa had said was close enough, and Miley was pleased she was willing to talk about this and hadn't forced the interview back to its normal track. It was nice to be treated as more than a set of predetermined sound bites. "And, god, I'd make a horrible Nike spokesperson, all I do is sit around all day. That's another reason I turned down Cover Girl: I don't normally wear makeup."

She'd stopped during rehab and never started again. It hadn't seemed important anymore, and Hannah had always had perfect, flawless makeup. A lot of it, especially at the end, to hide the dark circles around her eyes and pallid skin. "Unless someone else is putting it on for me I don't bother, and like you said, I do want to avoid a repeat of the Oh, Wow incident."

Vanessa wagged a finger at her. "I'm jealous, it takes me forty-five minutes every morning to put my face on. You can get away with the no-makeup thing now because you're young and you're gorgeous, but what's going to happen in ten years when you start getting wrinkles?"

Miley blinked at her. "Then I'll have wrinkles." She almost started laughing at the look of incomprehension Vanessa gave her answer. She didn't mind the idea of getting older. As her grandfather used to say, it beat the alternative. And she would have liked to have seen what her mother's face looked like with wrinkles.

"I mean," Miley continued, "I'm pretty sure they won't interfere with writing my music, or playing it, and I don't think my girlfriend's going to leave me because of a few wrinkles."

She hadn't meant to say it. She did it without thinking because she was relaxed, and enjoying an interview for the first time that she could remember in seven years, and it slipped out. The audience went completely silent and Vanessa stared at her in shock. Shit, Miley thought. Shit, shit, _shit_.

"Okay, we've got to go to commercial, but let's talk about _that_ when we get back," Vanessa said, regaining her composure. She made a motion with her hand and a second later the red lights on the cameras winked off.

Miley reached back numbly and switched her mic off. "You didn't have to do that." The 'commercial break' wasn't scheduled for another minute and a half.

"You looked like you could use a minute," Vanessa said. She had her hand over the mic on her lapel.

The audience had started to buzz in front of them, getting over their surprise and picking up on the fact that this revelation had been both unplanned and undesired. That was for sure, Miley thought. She didn't look at them. "Yeah," she said.

"We could edit it out," Vanessa offered, and, wow, she must really owe Diana. "But with the audience..."

"Yeah," Miley said again. Her cell phone vibrated in her pocket and Miley pulled it out absently while she took a sip of water and tried not to panic. It was a text from Lilly: _hey i signed up 4 warts not wrinkles._

Miley almost spit the water all over Vanessa. She swallowed it quickly, feeling a lot calmer. Lilly tended to have that effect on her. Miley could think now, and she realized she didn't really care if people knew about her. She'd never cared about that, she just didn't want people coming after Lilly.

But she wasn't Hannah, she wasn't in the news all the time, this would probably barely make news itself. As long as she and Lilly watched how they were around each other for the rest of the week, no one would have any reason to think Lilly wasn't just part of her staff.

She took another sip of water and managed to swallow this one correctly. "Hey, can you do me a favor?"

"After the ratings spike you just handed us?" Vanessa said. Miley hoped she was kidding. "Anything."

"Don't ask me what her name is."

Vanessa nodded. "I can do that. Are you ready to go back on?" Miley switched her mic back on in answer and Vanessa turned and smiled brightly at one of the cameras. The red light flashed on. "And we're back talking to Miley Stewart tonight, who just revealed an interesting bit of information..."

———————————————

Lilly was waiting for her in the Green Room, all smiles. "I can't believe you did that!" she said, throwing herself into Miley's arms.

"Me either," Miley said, and squeezed her back briefly before putting her hands on Lilly's shoulders and moving her a safe distance away. Vanessa had been so certain that Miley's disclosure was going to be big news, going on and on about it after the interview ended, that Miley was worried again, nervous about what would happen once this aired. She and Lilly couldn't get caught hugging, not now. Thank god everyone thought Lilly was her assistant.

Lilly watched as Miley carefully removed her hands. "Why did you?" she asked, and she wasn't smiling now.

"I didn't mean to," Miley said. She went to sit on the couch, pressed her fingers against her eyes for a second. "I'm sorry." She hadn't even asked Lilly, she'd just gone and told...

Lilly shook her head. "I was never the one who...You can tell them about me."

No, Miley thought. No, they couldn't have Lilly. If they had Lilly, they'd have everything, they'd have her whole life, just like they had before, and she'd be just like – "No."

"People will find out eventually. We're going to be in L.A." Lilly hadn't moved from the other side of the room. Miley wanted her closer, was glad she wasn't. Someone could come in.

"Maybe if we..." Miley took a breath. "Maybe if we're really careful..."

"I don't want to live like that," Lilly said, wrapping her arms around herself. Miley didn't answer, too busy hoping that would blow over in a day or two and everything would go back to normal, and she wouldn't have to choose between singing and having her life with Lilly the way it was now.

Lilly sighed. "We should go. Before someone starts wondering why you're hanging out talking to your assistant for so long."

Miley nodded and got up from the couch. She paused in the doorway with Lilly beside her. "Lilly, can you..." She closed her eyes and steeled herself to finish the sentence. "Will you walk – "

Lilly pushed her out the door.

———————————————

Both of their cell phones went off at once, rousing them from slumber. It was ten o'clock, much later than Miley usually got up these days, but Jenny had been texted strict instructions not to let anything disturb them until after lunch since rehearsal wasn't until that afternoon. Unfortunately, they'd forgotten to switch their phones off. The noise cut off as the phones went to voicemail but a second later they simultaneously began to ring again. Miley groaned and followed that up by hurling a pillow in the general vicinity of one of the phones.

They'd gone out to dinner after the interview yesterday, eaten in silence. It was still early when they got back to the hotel, still light, but they were already reaching for each other before the door to their room was fully shut. They'd tugged clothes off and fallen into bed, desperate to diffuse some of the tension they were both feeling. A long time later, nestled together, Miley had said, "Let's just wait and see what happens."

"All right," Lilly said softly.

"Please don't be mad at me," Miley said. "I just want to make sure you're safe."

"I'm not mad at you," Lilly said. Anymore, Miley had thought. Her skin was covered with bite marks. "I'm just sorry this is so hard for you." They'd reached for each other again after that, and hadn't slept until very late.

Slowly, she and Lilly untangled themselves from each other and the sheets and stumbled from opposite sides of the bed over to the dresser and table respectively. Miley peered blearily at the caller ID on her phone and then looked up to meet Lilly's eyes across the room.

"Diana," they said together.

Lilly's forehead wrinkled in confusion. "She's calling both of us at once?"

Miley blinked. "That can't be good." She held the phone out as far away from her as possible, regarding it as though it were a ticking bomb. "You answer it."

"No way!" Lilly threw her phone on the bed and crossed her arms over her chest. "You're the one with the recording contract."

"Maybe not for much longer," Miley muttered, but she brought the phone to her ear and answered the call just before it went to voicemail again. "Diana?"

"MILEY STEWART, I AM GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE," Diana's voice boomed out through the phone. Miley jumped and tossed the phone at Lilly, who was forced to catch it so that it wouldn't hit her in the head.

"Diana, what's this about?" Lilly asked.

"What's this about?" Diana said. "WHAT'S THIS ABOUT? I'll tell you what this is about. This is about SOMEONE who saw fit to OUT HERSELF on television last night!"

"Oh," Miley said, crossing the room to take the phone back from Lilly, switching it to speakerphone so she wouldn't have to risk Diana yelling directly in her ear again. She was a little surprised Diana was upset. She would have understood a negative reaction from the label, sure, but not Diana herself. "I didn't think you'd be upset about it. I mean – "

"Oh, I'm not upset about it," Diana interrupted her. "As a matter of fact, I'm _thrilled_ about it, only it's a little hard to tell because I am _so beyond pissed off_ that NO ONE TOLD ME THIS WAS HAPPENING!"

Miley winced and Lilly hid her face in her hands. Of all the stupid things to do... "Oh," Miley said. She walked over and dropped down to sit on the bed and Lilly sat next to her. "Um. Right. Well, it wasn't exactly a planned thing, and – "

"Unless the next words out of your mouth involve a telecommunications blackout along the entire east coast, I don't want to hear it!"

"Uh," Miley said, thinking quickly, "Jenny was supposed to..."

Good one, Lilly mouthed at her, right before Diana snapped, "Don't you dare try to blame this on that poor girl! You know better than to pull shit like this without warning me. _Both_ of you do."

"Hey!" Lilly said. "Don't drag me into this!"

"Oh, you're in this," Diana assured her. "You're supposed to be watching her!"

"I don't need anyone watching me!" Miley barked.

"Evidently you do," Diana shot back. "Since I was AMBUSHED with this information at five-thirty this morning before I'd even had a cup of coffee. Do you have any idea how many papers have a 'Hannah Montana Gay' headline this morning, complete with varying numbers of exclamation points and question marks? And don't even get me started on how the internet has _exploded_."

"Seriously?" Lilly whispered to Miley, who shrugged. She was sure Diana had to be blowing things out of proportion.

"Listen, Diana, I'll make it up to you," Miley said.

"How?" Diana demanded.

"I'll do press," Miley told her. Lilly's eyebrows shot up. Miley took her thumb and pressed it to Lilly's forehead, jiggling it in a small circle until Lilly lowered them. Realistically, if this had caused enough of a reaction that Diana was calling to yell at her, she was going to be talking about this for the next few days anyway, so if Diana wanted to add a couple interviews she didn't really care, and if they were national that would probably just help get this out of the news cycle faster.

"What kind of press?" Diana asked suspiciously.

"Whatever you want."

There was a long pause on the other end of the line. "I'll get back to you," Diana said abruptly, and the call cut off.

Miley chuckled. "I guess that worked."

"You'd better hope," Lilly said, smirking at her. "Otherwise we're both dead. Are you sure about doing press, though? It could be a lot." She got up and went to peek through the curtains on the window to check the weather the way she usually did.

"Nah," Miley said, flopping back on the bed. "I'm sure she was exaggerating. I'll do a network interview or two and – "

"Uh, Miley?" Lilly said. "You might want to come take a look at this."

Obediently, Miley got up and shuffled over to look out the window. Their room was on the front face of the hotel, and they could look down from it and see the area in front of the hotel. No fewer than ten news vans lined the street, sticking out into the road and blocking it off except for a narrow lane down the center. Two cops were directing the jammed traffic on either side through in intervals, and a swarm of people mobbed the sidewalks on both sides of the street. Miley hadn't seen so much press in one place since Hannah announced her retirement.

"Shit," Miley swore under her breath, and they stared at each other, wide-eyed. Behind them on the bed, the phone started to ring.

———————————————

As much as it killed them, they both agreed that Lilly should go home early. The sight of that many people and press _outside their hotel_ had sent Miley into a panic. This was much, much bigger than she'd ever thought it would be, even worst case, and that meant it was going to be much, much harder to keep people from finding out about Lilly. After she'd gotten Miley to calm down enough to breathe, Lilly had acquiesced when Miley had said she wanted Lilly as far away from this as possible, probably because she could see Miley would start hyperventilating if she didn't. It was Friday, and Lilly was supposed to go back on Sunday anyway, so it wouldn't make too much of a difference.

"Are you sure you're going to be able to handle this?" Lilly asked, still peering out the window almost an hour later.

Miley hung up her phone, finally ending her fourth conversation with Diana. Jenny had joined them in the room and had already talked with Keith and lined Miley up with remote satellite interviews on three major talk shows. She was on the phone again, currently trying to negotiate through the hotel staff for some kind of deal to get all the press out of there.

"Yes," Miley said, coming up behind Lilly and wrapping arms around her waist, resting her head on Lilly's shoulder. The curtains were only open a narrow strip; they weren't taking any chances that someone with a telephoto lens would pick out the right window and snap a picture.

Between Keith and Diana, Miley was pretty sure she was going to be doing an interview with every news outlet in the country, but once she'd gotten over her initial panic attack from seeing the mob outside, she'd decided that was actually a very good thing. The more interviews she did, the more people would be looking at her instead of for Lilly, and the more she'd be able to control the flow of information. She knew how this worked, she'd done it before. Diana and Keith both had a lot of pull, and as long as everyone wanted their shot at the hot story of the moment, they'd be willing to agree to certain conditions, like not prying too hard for Lilly's name.

The tabloids wouldn't, though, and they were going to be all over her. All the more reason for Lilly to be nowhere near her until everyone got bored with this and moved on.

"This is crazy," Lilly said, leaning back against Miley. "I guess I'm actually kind of glad now you didn't tell them who I am."

"Me too," Miley said, relieved that Lilly was okay with that. It was one thing for people to know something about her. It was whole other thing to subject Lilly to something like this, and she well remembered Lilly's little freak-out back in August when the tour was just beginning. This was going to be a thousand times worse. As far as she was concerned, the longer she could spare Lilly from scrutiny, the better. "So you'll fly home today?"

"Yeah," Lilly said, turning in the circle of Miley's arms to face her, bringing her arms up to rest on Miley's shoulders and lacing her fingers together behind Miley's neck. "As long as you're sure you don't want me to stay for moral support?"

"No," Miley said. "I mean, of course I'd rather you stayed, but I think I'd feel a whole lot better if you were out of the danger zone."

"Okay," Lilly said, and kissed her lightly. "Let me go look for a plane ticket then." She stepped out of Miley's embrace and went to open the laptop on the table.

Jenny stopped pacing back and forth on the other side of the bed and hung up her phone. "They want a statement," she announced.

"So we'll release a statement," Miley said. Then she thought of something. "No, wait. Lilly, did you find a flight yet?"

"There's one at two," Lilly answered, glancing up from the screen. She checked her watch. "I'd have to leave in about forty-five minutes."

"Perfect," Miley said. "Book it. Jenny, call back and tell them I'll be making a statement out in front to the hotel in forty-five minutes. Lilly can use the distraction to get out of here."

"On it," Jenny said.

They shooed her back to her own room so that Miley could help Lilly pack and they could say goodbye. "At least the tour's almost over," Miley said thirty minutes later, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling her shirt back over her head.

Lilly watched her from her position still sprawled out on the bed. "That shirt's wrinkled. You should change before the press conference," she remarked. "Six more weeks. We could totally do that standing on our heads, easy."

"Ya think?" Miley asked.

Lilly sighed. "No. But we can do it."

Miley leaned down and pressed a gentle kiss on her forehead, hand cupping Lilly's cheek. "Come on, froggie, up 'n at 'em. You've got a plane to catch."

The next ten minutes were a blur of activity as Lilly got dressed, Jenny came back and ganged up with Lilly to make Miley change, and Lilly rushed out the door, barely having time to give Miley a quick kiss goodbye. They were taking separate elevators down to the lobby, just to be on the safe side.

Her nerves jangled as Miley stepped out of the elevator and headed for the front doors, Jenny behind her. She knew Lilly was in place at one of the side doors by now, just waiting for Miley to start the press conference so she could slip out unnoticed.

Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the glass door and stepped out into the storm of flashbulbs and shouted questions.

———————————————

**Okay, y'all, I start my internship soon, so wish me luck. (I decided to get an internship instead of another job, because why would I want to get paid for the work I do?)**

**I'll see you all Monday with the last (!!) chapter.**


	25. Never Know Where You'll Find It

**It's...it's still Monday! Technically.**

**John Chubb: My thoughts on prop 8 and this story are as follows: this story is 1. fiction, 2. set in an alternate universe, 3. in the future. So, whatever, either prop 8 never existed or it no longer applies, I don't really care, but I'm not making it an issue.**

**Initiate Six: Ooo, good call on him playing an electric guitar in "Me and Rico..." I'd forgotten about that. I will add this issue to my list of questions to ask whoever's in charge of props. Because, um. I have a list. What, doesn't everyone? No? Fine. I will just be weird over here by myself. Glad you liked Jesse, I know absolutely nothing about the man, so I was just going off the episode and the fifteen seconds I spent skimming his wikipedia page. And I always felt like Lilly was the one who already considered them married, but maybe Miley did too.**

**Vanessa Riverton: A sequel to Thirst is a possibility, but I'll probably do something completely new (and crackier) first.**

**lita rocks LbC: Ha, I know, I love it when people have bad sex. Well, as long as I am not one of those people.**

**Kurrent: Thanks for the review and also the shoutout on your fic, which coffeeandcommunity was kind enough to tip me off to, since I **_**still**_** have not had time to read fic, so I wouldn't have seen it otherwise. I'm hoping I'll get some time soon, though, and can't wait to read your latest since I'm sure it will be as fabulous as your others.**

**Thank you thank you thank you to everyone, and here is the last chapter! (But not quite the end!)**

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**Chapter Twenty-Five: Never Know Where You'll Find It**

———————————————

_Whatever's buried there that once caused  
such alarm has come back to forgive,  
to apologize for how it all went wrong._

- Dean Young, "Teetering Lullabye"

———————————————

**March – April 2014**

The next few days passed so quickly it was dizzying. Miley's dad called on Saturday to let her know reporters had been nosing around the house in Malibu, and Jackson called Sunday to tell her they'd found the little bungalow on the beach he and Sarah had moved into a few months ago. "Are you okay?" Miley asked him, concerned, remembering how all of the Hannah hoopla had driven him away before.

Jackson laughed. "Oh, yeah, we're fine," he said. "Sarah got rid of them."

"_Sarah?_" Miley said in disbelief. "How?"

"She just went out on the porch and talked about animal rights violations in CAFOs until they got fed up and left. It only took like fifteen minutes, and they haven't been back since."

Miley laughed with him, but the news that the press had found Jackson made her even more nervous about Lilly being uncovered. She'd had Jenny call the university and change both their addresses, which she hoped would keep some enterprising student worker from looking her up once people remembered she'd gone to school there and finding out that she and Lilly lived in the same house, or from finding the house in Seattle at all.

Her biggest concern was that someone who knew would let the information leak, but there wasn't anything she could do about that, and everyone who knew had known for a while and hadn't said anything.

People didn't get bored as quickly as Miley thought they would, and she did so many interviews over the next week that they all started to run together. She had dreams that she was on camera and would wake up in a cold sweat thinking she'd just blurted out Lilly's name on a national broadcast. She couldn't step outside her hotel room these days without being swamped by autograph seekers, and tickets to her concerts were suddenly being scalped for up to five times face value.

Of course, not everyone was happy about the news driving all of this, but, as Diana said, it didn't matter so much what people were saying as long as they were talking about you. That assertion certainly seemed to be borne out in album sales, because by Thursday she'd shot up to number one on the charts, and sold over 225,000 copies, which was more than twice the sales from the week it had been released. Sales for the Hannah albums jumped too, especially the last one, which charted for the first time in five years, down at the bottom of the Top 200.

"I refuse to believe people actually care this much that I have a girlfriend," Miley told Jenny the next day in the car as Jenny rattled off their schedule, including five interviews.

"It's not that you have a girlfriend," Jenny said, "it's that you're _you_ and you have a girlfriend." When Miley shook her head she added, "I don't think you realize how much you meant to people. How much you still do."

Miley turned away and drummed her fingers against her knee, not wanting to hear it. She wasn't comfortable with the idea of people looking up to her again. She'd made far too many mistakes for that. At least with this to talk about, she reflected, Hannah was, for once, being mentioned less and less.

———————————————

There was a car parked across the street. Normally, that wouldn't have been cause for alarm. Normally, Lilly wouldn't have even noticed. But since she'd come back from Atlanta, Lilly had been checking out the window every night before she went to bed, every morning before she left the house, whenever she took Oscar out for a walk. Some of Miley's paranoia must have rubbed off on her.

But paranoia or not, she was pretty sure that car had been across the street last night. Maybe the neighbors had visitors, she thought. "What do you think, Oscar?" He stretched up to put his paws on the windowsill and whined.

"I could take my chances, and if it gets out, it gets out." Oscar whimpered. "How mad do you think Miley would be?" Oscar took his paws of the sill, sat down, and just looked at her. "Yeah, you're probably right. Back door, then."

She went out through the kitchen, cut across two of the neighbors' backyards, and came out on the street a couple houses down. She glanced quickly at the car before turning and heading down the street. There was definitely someone in it. Great. Miley was going to freak.

She called the police on her way to school and reported a suspicious vehicle, gave the neighbors' address, and hung up when they asked for her name.

The car was still there when she came back from the library after class, or maybe it had gone and come back. She didn't get close enough to see if it was the same person from earlier. She hadn't gotten that good a look at him then anyway. She took 60th over to the park and found an empty bench. It was a nice day, cloudy but not rainy, and kind of warm for this time of year. There were a lot of people in the park, mostly joggers, but a handful of people reading on the benches or feeding birds, and in the grassy area across from Lilly a mother was trying to teach her little boy how to fly a kite and failing miserably because there wasn't enough wind.

Lilly wondered if she'd ever be able to do that with her own kids without an entourage of paparazzi following and pictures showing up on celebrity news sites an hour later.

She called the police again. "That's the second complaint we've had in the area today," the officer said.

"I know," Lilly said. "I called in the other one."

"What's going on out there?"

"Miley Stewart lives there." She almost added _Hannah Montana_, but the officer was already saying, his voice slightly surprised, "She lives here? Hold on a minute."

The kite took another nose-dive and landed hard in the grass. It was a nice kite, Lilly thought, one made to look like a dragon with a long, thin body and tail and big wings. Three minutes went by before the officer came back on the line and Lilly had watched the kite wipe out twice more. "We're going to set up a regular patrol in the neighborhood for the next week or so," he told her. "A car will drive by the house at least once an hour."

"Thanks," Lilly said. Would Miley feel better knowing the police were involved, or worse?

"Thanks for letting us know."

The mother and son gave up, packed up their kite, and left, and Lilly spent the next thirty minutes reading stuff for her Mass Media Law, just to be on the safe side. before walking back to the house. The street was empty and Lilly let herself in the front door, making a list in her head of everyone in town she knew. D.G., but he wouldn't tell, of course. There were a couple people in some of her classes she'd done study groups with, but she didn't think she'd ever brought up Miley. They hadn't really met any of the neighbors. Lilly saw one of them in passing a lot, the wife of the visiting professor from Tokyo who lived on their right side, but she didn't speak English, so Lilly wasn't too worried about her. That left Todd. He was really the only person at the skatepark who knew about Miley. Unless he'd told the other staff.

Oscar jumped around her while she shut the door and threw her bookbag on the couch. She dropped to her knees to pet him, then sat on the floor and let him crawl all over her and lick her face.

"Hey, Oscar," she said, scrubbing the dog drool off her face with her sleeve. "You wanna go for a walk?" He'd already learned what that word meant, and fifteen minutes later they were outside the skatepark, Oscar in a frenzy because she'd never brought him out here before and there were so many new things to smell.

Lilly slid the loop of Oscar's leash around her arm and peeked in the door. Todd was over at the counter, helping a girl. Lilly flicked her finger at the little bell tied to the inside of the door handle, ringing it until Todd looked up and saw her. They waved at each other and Lilly ducked back outside to wait with Oscar.

"Dude," Todd said five minutes later, joining them outside. "Where have you been?"

Lilly shrugged and smiled at him. "Studying, mostly. But I realized I never brought Oscar by to meet you, so I thought I would."

Todd knelt down, one knee on the ground, and ruffled up Oscar's fur. Oscar danced around and yelped in excitement. "Hey, buddy, look at you," he crooned. "You're a pretty puppy, yes you are." Oscar barked his agreement and Todd looked up at Lilly. "So when are you coming back to skate?"

"I don't know. I, um, we're moving back to Malibu after I graduate. I got into UCLA Law."

Todd shook his head like that was bad news and scratched behind one of Oscar's ears. "Good luck with that."

"Thanks," Lilly said. She paused. "So, um. Lately Miley's kind of been in the news a lot."

"Yeah," said Todd. "I noticed."

"And I kind of haven't been," Lilly continued. "And, uh, we'd kind of like to keep it that way."

Todd stood up, dusted off the knees of his jeans. "That's gotta be difficult." Lilly nodded and avoided his eyes by looking down at Oscar. "How long are you gonna keep that up?"

"As long as she needs me to," Lilly said. She didn't know how to do anything else.

Todd nodded. "I won't say anything to anyone."

"Thanks," Lilly said again. "I didn't think you would. I just...wanted to check."

"Kind of sucks to have to worry about," Todd said, and Lilly shrugged. "Hey, I keep my mouth shut, can you do me a favor?"

"What?" Lilly asked, nervous for a second about what he could want.

"Come by and skate a couple times before you move?"

Lilly laughed. "After finals," she promised. "I'll be down here as soon as I finish the last one."

"Good. And walk Oscar down here before then if you get a chance." He leaned over and patted Oscar on the head, and Oscar twisted around and tried to lick his hand. "I've gotta get back to work."

"I'll see you later," Lilly said. "And thanks, Todd."

"After finals," he said, disappearing back inside. "Don't forget."

Oscar whined over the absence of his new friend and Lilly knelt down and smoothed his fur back into order. "You know what, Oscar?" she said as they started down the sidewalk. "I think there's gonna be a few things about Seattle that I'll miss."

———————————————

Lilly's phone rang as soon as the interview ended and she snatched it up, knowing it would be Miley. "Oh my god," she said into it.

"Did you hear that?" Miley asked, excited.

"I heard," Lilly confirmed. "The whole interview and – "

"She didn't mention Hannah Montana _once_," Miley exclaimed.

"I know!"

"I still can't believe it," Miley said. "I'm kind of in shock."

"I guess that's what happens when people find out you have a secret girlfriend and your album shoots up to number one on the charts over a year after it was released," Lilly told her. "It kinda makes Hannah Montana old news."

"I would've liked to have known that a year ago," Miley said. "I'm just glad things are calming down some, finally, and no one's found out about you."

"I don't know," Lilly said slowly. "It might be better to tell people." At least if people knew, she wouldn't feel like she was walking on eggshells all the time, like she had to watch and worry about every single thing she said and did. And people were going to find out sooner or later. They would have to deal with it. This wouldn't be the last time Miley would be in the news, it wouldn't be the last time the press, the world was going to intrude in their relationship. That was going to be part of their life, she might as well start getting used to it. "Miley, I've got to tell you something, but promise me you won't freak out, okay?"

"What?" Miley asked warily.

"Someone might have found the house."

"Dammit," Miley said. "Lilly – "

"Don't worry," Lilly said hurriedly. "I called the cops when I saw his car outside."

"He was actually _there?_" Miley said, voice rising an octave. "This is exactly what I was afraid of – "

"Miley, you said you wouldn't freak out," Lilly begged.

"No, I didn't!" Miley yelled. "And I am totally justified in freaking out about this! What happened? Did the cops take him in?"

"No, they just made him leave, and they set up a patrol to come through the neighborhood every hour." She decided not to tell Miley the guy had been there twice.

"Jesus," Miley said. "You know, Diana and Keith have been talking about how I need a bodyguard, but maybe we should get you one."

"Okay, now you're just totally overreacting," Lilly said. "Let's just take it easy and see what happens. He probably won't come back."

"He'd better not," Miley said. "If he does, call the police and have them arrest him so we can press charges. And why would this make you think I should tell people who you are?"

"I don't know, because maybe if we just tell everyone there won't be people staking out the house trying to find out who your girlfriend is."

"No, there'll just be people swarming you trying to find out every detail of your life," Miley countered.

"Maybe," Lilly allowed. "But I think you're overestimating how much people will care about me. I'm boring, it's _you_ they're interested in."

"No way," Miley said. "It doesn't work that way, and you know it. They'll be all over you, at least for a while."

Lilly thought about it, biting her lower lip. Even so, she'd rather get it over with. She'd rather not have to worry about sneaking into and out of her own house. But she didn't want to push Miley any further than she was ready to go. "Yeah. I'll leave it up to you, okay? We can wait if you want."

"Okay, good," Miley said. Lilly could hear the relief in her voice and she was glad her decision wouldn't cause Miley any more worry. "Now you have to promise to call me right away if that creep shows up again."

"Only if you promise I won't have to get a bodyguard if I do," Lilly said.

"We'll see," Miley said reluctantly.

"Hey," Lilly said, trying to get the conversation back to a happier topic. "Remember the reason for this phone call? The Hannah-free interview? Congratulations."

"Yeah," Miley said. "But if stuff like this is going to happen I'd rather trade things back."

———————————————

Miley worried about Lilly all night and all through the first three interviews she had in the morning. Things _were_ calming down, and she didn't have to spend every free minute on a satellite uplink anymore, but as if the national interest hadn't been enough, as if she hadn't been doing enough local promotion already, now it seemed like every single radio station within a fifty mile radius of every city they hit wanted an interview.

It wasn't so bad, though, now that Hannah wasn't the center of every conversation. Thankfully, the interest in Lilly was tapering off too, shifting into questions about how Miley was reacting to everyone else's reaction to the news, which was just the sort of convoluted and ultimately pointless thing the media loved to cover. And they did, everyone eager to exploit the bump in the public's consciousness Miley had received.

They broke early for lunch because rehearsal had been moved up so she could do more interviews before the concert. Miley went back to the hotel, ordered room service, and treaded a path around the room while she waited. It was Friday. Lilly didn't have class until eleven, and it was only eight in Seattle. But Lilly liked getting up early. She was probably awake already, so it wouldn't hurt to call and check on her.

Lilly answered the phone with a sleepy, unintelligible murmur. "Sorry, did I wake you up?" Miley asked.

"What do you think?" Lilly said, and yawned loudly in her ear.

"Sorry," Miley said again. "I just wanted to make sure that guy hadn't come back."

"It's only been twelve hours, Miley, and I've been asleep for most of them."

"Could you just check? I'd feel a lot better if you'd check."

"But then I'd have to get out of bed," Lilly whined.

"Please?"

"Hang on." Miley heard the phone being dropped on the bed, then sheets rustling and the bed creaking. She did another circuit around the room and looked out the window. At least people weren't swarming her hotel anymore. That had stopped after the second day. Lilly was back on the line a minute later. "No one's there. And the police are patrolling every hour, so I don't think he'll come back. Can I go back to sleep now?"

"Yeah," Miley said. She waited a second and then added, "I think I might quit." She didn't feel any better and she knew she wouldn't be able to stop worrying about Lilly, not when they were so far apart and she couldn't be there to make sure everything was okay with her own eyes. Not when Lilly was being stalked because of her.

Lilly sighed. Miley could hear her moving around in bed, trying to get comfortable again. "You're not going to quit."

"Why not?" Miley said, a little annoyed Lilly wasn't taking her seriously.

"Because you love it," Lilly said, her words distorted with another yawn. "You love what you do."

Miley stopped moving. She stood very still as Lilly's words filtered through her and she realized that, yeah, she did. Parts of it she hated. Lots of it she hated, and always would, but in the end she loved writing, and singing, and _performing_. She loved being onstage, commanding the attention of every person in the audience, loved knowing her music was out there, that people were humming it while they did housework, or playing one song obsessively in the dark after a breakup, or singing along as they rode in the car with the windows down on a warm summer night, heart so light they had to stick their hand out the window and let it fly, the way you did when you were a little kid.

She loved all that and more, loved the idea that her music could go out in the world and touch someone in some way she would never know, that there were people out there who loved these songs she labored over as much as she did. She loved this. That was why she did it. The realization made something click inside of her, and a little wave of peace flowed through her, unlocking some of the worry-knots in her muscles.

All this time, she'd thought this was something she needed to do, needed to prove, just _needed_, with a frightening intensity that had always reminded her of how she still craved a drink, even now, six years after her last one. It was stupid, but after everything that had happened with Hannah, it had never occurred to her that she could feel something so healthy as love for all of this.

"I-I do love it," she said into the phone.

"I know you do, honey," Lilly said affectionately, indulgently, like she had known this all along and had been waiting patiently for Miley to catch on. And maybe she had; Miley had long thought Lilly knew her better than she knew herself. "I'm gonna go back to sleep now, okay?"

"Okay," Miley said, and hung up when Lilly did, and stood there in the middle of the room, thinking. She loved this, she'd loved it since she was eleven, before that, even. That was why it had kept her going when she lost everything else. That was why she'd come back to it. It wasn't that there was something wrong with her, that she couldn't stop wanting the thing that had ruined her life. She just...she loved this, and it hadn't been enough by itself, it wasn't perfect, but she loved it.

Okay. She could handle that.

———————————————

It got easier after that. Of course, it helped that a week later, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie announced they were pregnant again, with twins, again, and that took over the news and Miley was able to go back to pretty much just doing normal press for the tour. But even before that it was easier, knowing she why she was here, doing this, and with mentions of Hannah becoming the exception rather than the rule.

And Miley found that even when Hannah did come up, she couldn't hate her anymore. She'd spent the past six years focused on everything about Hannah that had been bad, everything about Hannah that had gone wrong, but that hadn't been all of it. It hadn't been all bad. That was why...that was why she'd made her wish, because it had been so good, for so long, because she'd loved being Hannah.

So it was easier, and she could put up with what she didn't like if it meant she got to do what she did, but she still couldn't stop worrying, because she didn't know if that was enough. It hadn't been before, after all, and she didn't know if it would be now. Was it enough of a reason to ask Lilly to cope with everything this would bring, to consign her to a life, a relationship that would never be solely theirs? She knew Lilly didn't want that, couldn't stop remembering how upset she'd gotten before, in August, couldn't stop thinking about how much worse it would be, would keep being.

The album kept selling, staying at number one for the next few weeks and selling so much it went double platinum. They were on their way to Tucson, a week and a half before the tour was scheduled to end, when Diana called. "Let's talk about the next album," she said.

"Let's talk when the tour's over," Miley told her.

"Yeah, about that...," Diana said. "The label would like to extend the tour another couple months to capitalize on your current popularity."

Miley laughed so hard she collapsed over the table in the tour bus and Jenny took the phone from her unresisting hand. "What did you say?" she asked Diana, and then stared at Miley, who was still shaking with laughter, tears leaking out of the corners of her eyes.

"Yeah, I'm thinking that's a no, Diana," Jenny said, and ten days later they were finally on their way home.

The last concert for the tour was in L.A., at the Staples Center, where Hannah had performed in countless times, including her last. Miley had started the tour dreading this performance, but now all she felt was relief that the tour was coming to an end. The concert would be on a Saturday night. Lilly was flying down for it.

The night before Lilly got there, Miley went with her dad and picked out a ring.

———————————————

Lilly got in late Friday night. Her flight landed around eight, but her parents picked her up at the airport and she spent a couple hours with them before making it to the Stewarts'. Miley paced around the living room waiting for her, wearing a hole in the floor until her dad told her she'd better sit down of her own accord or he'd have to cut her legs off at the knee.

"Sorry, daddy," she apologized. "I don't think it'd do any good. I'd probably just start walking around on the stumps." He laughed and she went upstairs to wait. She wanted to go out on the balcony, but they'd gone back to the blinds-drawn routine because she'd come down with a bad case of paparazzi since getting back into L.A. A case that was finally clearing up, at least at the house, and she didn't know if any were still hanging around this time of night, but she didn't want to take any chances.

It was risky having Lilly come over at all, but Miley didn't think she'd be able to take knowing Lilly was just down the street and she couldn't see her. And Lilly had said flat-out she was coming, and that she would hang up on Miley if she tried to argue.

A few minutes past eleven she heard the front door open, and the low sound of voices downstairs, and then feet running up the stairs before Miley could do more than get up from where she'd ended up sprawled spread-eagle across her bed.

"Lilly," Miley called as Lilly took a step past the doorway, heading for her room where they always stayed. But she could have kept quiet, because Lilly was checking her forward motion and turning into the room before Miley even spoke.

"What are you doing in here?" she asked, rushing forward to embrace Miley.

"Waiting," Miley said, and kissed her. They just held each other for several long minutes after that. Miley didn't really know how to describe it, but it was like she'd been running off battery power since the last time she'd seen Lilly, getting more and more depleted, and now she was plugged in, recharging. Like both of them were plugged into each other. She could _feel_ Lilly, not just in her arms, but somewhere else she didn't have words for.

"We're never doing that again," she said finally. She might just give up touring altogether. There were plenty of places she could play around L.A.

"No," Lilly said. "We're not."

"Did anyone see you?" Miley asked, pulling away a little.

Lilly sighed and broke her hold on Miley. "No, and you have to stop worrying about that. Things have died down some, and people are going to find out sometime. It's L.A., there are paparazzi everywhere."

"I know, but..." Miley sat down on the bed. "I don't want you to have to deal with that for as long as possible." Or ever, if she didn't want to.

"We're moving back here in a month, Miley." Miley didn't answer. Lilly came to stand in front of her. Miley tilted her head back to see Lilly looking down at her solemnly. "We're going to be living together. We're going to be going out together in public. What about the concert tomorrow?"

Miley frowned. "I thought you were going with your parents."

"That's not the _point_, Miley," Lilly snapped. "The point is I don't want to have to worry about who sees me coming to your house. I don't want to have to worry about people seeing us together. I want to be able to hold your hand whenever I feel like it. I want to be able to kiss you wherever we are. I'm tired of hiding."

"But every time you hold my hand, people will be watching," Miley said. "Every time you kiss me, someone will take a picture. You know what it'll be like, Lilly. You know what it was like with Hannah. You know what it was like on tour. And this will be worse. It won't just be fans, it'll be paparazzi and autograph seekers, too. We won't be able to go to lunch without being mobbed, and it'll keep going and going. It won't stop. It's going to be hard, Lilly. It's going to be so hard."

"It won't be the hardest thing I've done for you," Lilly said quietly.

Miley bowed her head so Lilly wouldn't see how tears jumped into her eyes. Lilly put one knee on the bed by Miley's hip, and then the other, straddling Miley's lap and settling her weight on Miley's thighs, just above her knees. She put her hands on Miley's face and made Miley look back up at her.

"It'll be worth it," Lilly said. "It was worth it. _You're_ worth it."

Miley said, "I don't deserve you."

Lilly's lips quirked. "You're lucky I didn't make that one of the criteria for falling in love with you." Miley laughed, a hoarse, choked sound. "Listen," Lilly continued. "Us, what we have, that's part of you, right? I'm part of you."

"The most impor– "

"The most important part, yes," Lilly said patiently, her mouth turned up in a gentle smile. It was more than that, really. Lilly was all of her. "But this is part of you, too, and you can't keep those parts separate. You can't have two lives. That isn't how the song goes here."

"I know," Miley said. She did. She knew. She had known that for a long time now, so long it had sunk into her bones. That was why she had fought so hard against this, knowing that this was where she was going, that this was the end, just as it had been so many years ago. But she couldn't fight it any longer. This was who she was. All the time.

She licked her lips and rested her hands lightly on top of Lilly's thighs. "So...you want to go to a concert with me tomorrow night?"

Lilly grinned. "Nope. I'm going with my parents. But I might stop backstage and see you before it starts. If I feel like it."

Miley stared at her a moment, speechless, and then she surged forward and grabbed Lilly around the waist, tossing her onto the bed and pouncing on her. "You are in so much trouble, Truscott!" She started tickling every inch of Lilly she could get her hands on while Lilly convulsed with laughter. "I hope you know you're not getting lucky tonight!"

Lilly caught her hands and looked up at her, still laughing. "Don't ever play poker, okay, toad?" she said. "Bluffing is not one of your talents."

Miley didn't know any other way to respond to that than to kiss her.

———————————————

The backstage corridor was exactly how Lilly remembered it. Smooth cement floors, rough cement block walls painted a dirty white, harsh fluorescent lighting: everything was the same as it had been the last time Lilly was here six years ago. The walls hadn't even gotten a fresh coat of paint during the intervening years, which Lilly found a little depressing.

She'd finally gotten her parents situated out front to the left of the stage, and now she was going back to check on Miley before the show started. The last show of the tour, and Miley would finally be coming home with her tomorrow. Then there were just the small matters of finals, and graduation, and selling their house, buying a new one, and moving back to Malibu, all of which was supposed to be done before Jackson and Sarah's wedding June seventh.

Yeah, just a few pesky little details to take care of, Lilly thought, laughing to herself. The next month and a half was going to be insane, but truthfully, Lilly didn't care. Miley would be back, and after the wedding Lilly was looking at two and a half months before law school started where she had absolutely nothing to do but bum around the beach all day.

Tapping lightly on the door to Miley's dressing room, Lilly pushed it open and went in. Miley was sitting hunched over in front of the vanity, looking at something she held in her lap, but she glanced over her shoulder as Lilly came in and jumped up, shoving whatever it was into her pocket.

"Hey," Lilly started, but Miley cut her off with a barrage of chatter.

"Lilly! I didn't think you'd – I mean I thought you were coming later, what time is it – " She checked the clock on the wall. " – crap, it's almost nine already, I can't believe I lost track of time like that, did you see Dad or Jackson, they said they were going to stop by and – "

"Whoa, there," Lilly said soothingly. She crossed the room and caught Miley's hands in her own. "Let's just calm down a second, okay?" Miley jerked her head down in a shaky nod but she wouldn't look at Lilly. "Are you – are you nervous?" Lilly asked. She couldn't remember Miley being nervous before a show since the first one of the tour.

Miley slid one sweaty palm free of Lilly's hand and rubbed it over the lump in her jeans pocket. "Yeah," she said. "I...I guess it's just, you know, being back here and it's the last show and everything. I want it to be a good one."

Lilly laughed. "Oh, please, you haven't had a bad show this whole tour."

"How would you know, you weren't there," Miley muttered, then screwed her eyes shut.

Stung, Lilly dropped Miley's other hand and stared at her.

"Lilly," Miley said, opening her eyes and silently pleading with Lilly to forgive her. "I am _so_ sorry, I didn't mean it, I just – I'm on edge about this show and I wasn't thinking, and I am so, so sorry – "

"It's all right," Lilly relented, stepping forward and pulling Miley into a hug. It was true, after all, she hadn't been there, though not because either of them had wanted it that way. Miley's body was so tense in Lilly's arms that she was immediately glad she hadn't made a big deal over Miley's remark. Miley must really be freaking out about the concert, even more than she'd admitted. "Don't worry about it, I know you didn't mean it. You just go out there and have your best show ever."

Miley finally relaxed into Lilly's embrace at her words and brought her arms up to hug back. "Can you do something for me?"

"Sure," Lilly said. "Anything."

"Can you watch from backstage?" Miley asked.

Lilly wrinkled her nose. She'd been planning on watching the show out front with her parents and everyone else. "I don't know, Miley, I kinda wanted to – "

"Please?" Miley wheedled. "I need you back here tonight. Come on, it'll be just like old times."

"Old times, huh?" Lilly said, arching an eyebrow. She leaned forward and kissed Miley. "Funny, I don't remember doing this back then."

Miley grinned and chased after Lilly's lips with her own, not letting her go for several minutes. "Yeah, well – "

The door swung open and Jackson crowded into the room, followed closely by Robby Ray. "Don't you know how to knock, boy?" Miley demanded of Jackson as she and Lilly broke apart.

"Oops, sorry, Miles," Jackson said, looking contrite. Behind him, Robby Ray shook his head and Lilly smothered a laugh at the long-suffering look on his face.

"Last show of the tour, bud," Robby Ray drawled. "You ready?"

Miley took a deep breath and Lilly squeezed her hand in sympathy. "I think so. Ready for this to be over with, that's for sure."

"Where's Sarah?" Lilly asked Jackson.

"She's out sitting with her parents," Jackson explained. "Yours, too."

The stage manager stuck his head in the doorway. "Five minutes," he warned before disappearing.

"I guess that's our cue to get on outta here and join 'em," Robby Ray said.

"Lilly's gonna stay and watch from backstage," Miley told him.

"Is she?" he said. His eyes twinkled, and Lilly narrowed hers in suspicion. What were they up to?

She didn't have much time to think about it, because Robby Ray and Jackson departed with good-luck calls on their lips and she and Miley had to hustle to get from the dressing room to the stage.

Miley paused right before she stepped out onstage. "What are you doing?" Lilly hissed. She hoped this wasn't Miley's nerves flaring up; the entire arena was already cheering for her.

"Nothing," Miley said. "Just – " She kissed Lilly quickly. "I love you, frog."

Lilly touched Miley's cheek, brushed a strand of hair off her face. "I love you, too."

Miley flashed her a smile and strode out onto the stage, waving as the noise doubled in volume at her appearance.

An hour later, Lilly didn't know what Miley had been worried about: she was setting the stage on fire and the audience was eating it up. Lilly had been right, Miley hadn't had a bad show the whole tour, but she also hadn't had one like _this_. Lilly knew she would have heard about it from Jenny if Miley had. This...this was Hannah-levels of energy pouring off of Miley and getting amplified by the crowd until the air in the arena fairly vibrated with it. This tour was going to end with a bang, and Lilly spared a thought for Jenny, who was missing this because she was off making sure everything was ready for the after party.

Miley sang the last lines of _March_ and the audience went wild, clapping and screaming, clearly gunning for an encore. Maybe _Nothing Left_, Lilly thought. Miley hadn't sung it yet tonight, and people always loved that one. But Miley surprised her.

She wrapped a hand around the microphone and pulled it free, taking a step forward but keeping her free hand on the mic stand, holding it loosely. "All right, settle down, now," she said, her voice rolling easily through the arena. The noise level dropped a bit and Miley spoke again. "I think y'all know this is the last show of this tour." The crowd cheered and Miley gave them a second, then continued, pitching her voice to be heard over them. "So I've got something special for y'all tonight."

Whoops and shouts from the audience greeted that news. Miley took her hand off the mic stand to wave at them to calm down while Lilly wondered what this was all about. Miley hadn't said a word to her about doing something special. "I've been working on a new song the past couple weeks, and I'd like to go ahead and share it with you guys," Miley said, and the audience responded with wild enthusiasm.

A new song? That was exciting, though it was news to her and usually she was the first to hear everything Miley wrote. "Now, I don't know if any of y'all have heard or not," Miley continued, her voice taking on conspiratorial overtones, as though she was about to let everyone in on a well-kept secret. "But I kinda have a girlfriend."

The entire arena erupted into laughter and Lilly chuckled along with them. Smart-aleck, she thought affectionately. "Well, I kinda wrote this for her," Miley continued, making Lilly melt a little. Miley could be so sweet. "She's here tonight, and I'd like to sing it to her, so if she'll just come on out, we can get this show on the road."

Any part of Lilly that had melted froze right back up. Miley could be so _infuriating_. This was _not_ what she had meant about letting people know. Miley knew that, she knew Lilly got scared stiff in front of large groups of people. Lilly vigorously shook her head no when Miley turned towards her, grinning, and gestured for Lilly to step out from backstage. No, Lilly mouthed at her, and oh, she was going to kill Miley for this. She couldn't tell if the roaring sound she heard was the audience or the blood rushing through her ears.

"Lilly, I'm not singing this until you get out here," Miley said, her grin widening. "And everyone wants to hear it, isn't that right, y'all?" The audience screamed obediently as Miley turned to them and then back to Lilly, shrugging. "You heard 'em, babe."

Lilly kept shaking her head, but she knew she was fighting a losing battle. Miley had that smile on her face, that sheepish half-smile she always got when she knew she'd done something to piss Lilly off. That smile she always used to get herself off the hook because she knew Lilly couldn't resist it. That smile Lilly had fallen in love with.

Slowly, keeping her eyes locked on Miley and not letting them stray towards the mass of people in front of the stage, Lilly took a few steps. The audience shouted its approval when she finally appeared on the stage. The roaring was them _and_ the blood in her ears, Lilly decided, feeling like she might faint at any second. She started coming up with all of the ways she could kill Miley to give her strength. Strangulation would be good, she thought. She could really get behind the idea of throttling Miley right now.

"She's hot!" yelled some guy off to the right of the stage, prompting a wave of laughter. Lilly's cheeks burned.

"Hey!" Miley mock-snapped into the microphone. "Hands off, buster!" She pointed in his direction. "I'm watching you!" She paused a second, then brought the mic back to her mouth. "But, yes, yes she is." Another wave of laughter rolled through the arena and Lilly blushed harder.

"You are so dead," she hissed at Miley when she got close enough.

Miley stuck the microphone back in its stand and put her hands on Lilly's shoulders, fingers digging into Lilly's flesh and grounding her. Her eyes bored into Lilly's and, just like that, everyone else disappeared. "You can do this," Miley told her. Lilly took a breath and nodded hesitantly. "Just listen to the song and you can kill me later, okay?"

Lilly could only nod again as Miley strode over to pick up Lola. Lilly's brain wasn't working right, it felt sluggish, as if things were happening too quickly for her mind to process them. The noise of the crowd came back as soon as Miley's hands left her shoulders, filling her head and echoing off the inside of her skull. She was dimly aware that Miley had started to sing, her body angled towards Lilly and her eyes trained on Lilly's face. She could see Miley's mouth moving and her fingers dancing on Lola's strings, but she couldn't make anything out through her daze.

The audience didn't have her problem, though, and people fell silent in degrees as they realized what Miley's song was about. It wasn't a long song, but by the time Miley reached the last few lines it had gotten quiet enough that Lilly's ears started working again.

"_Some day somebody's gonna ask you_," Miley sang, her eyes never leaving Lilly's. "_A question that you should say yes to...once in your life...baby, tonight I got a question for you_."

Miley's voice died away and you could have heard a pin drop in the arena. Everyone was frozen, everyone except Miley, who set Lola in her stand and started towards Lilly. No, Lilly thought, awareness of the meaning behind the lyrics slowly trickling its way through her paralyzed brain. No no no. Miley wouldn't do that to her. There was no way Miley could be –

In one smooth motion, Miley pulled a small box from her pocket and went down on one knee in front of Lilly, cracking open the box. Light caught on the diamond inside and flashed in Lilly's eyes, keeping her from really seeing the ring, and there was a loud sucking sound as twenty thousand people drew in a breath simultaneously.

"Lilly, will you marry me?" Miley asked, looking up at her.

Lilly's mouth worked soundlessly for several seconds before she could say anything. Out of the corner of her eye, Lilly could see part of the crowd of people in the arena, some of them with their mouths hanging open, all of them silent, watching the scene playing out onstage, enthralled.

"I can't believe you're proposing to me onstage in the middle of a concert in front of _twenty thousand people_," Lilly whispered hotly. "You are such a freak."

A small smile twitched at Miley's lips. "Yeah, but I'm your freak."

Lilly couldn't help but smile at that. "Yes, you are," she said, reaching down to lightly stroke Miley's cheek.

"Is that a yes?" Miley asked.

Lilly huffed a breath in amusement. "Was that ever a question?" she said, and she didn't even see Miley move, but suddenly she was rocked back on her heels as Miley jumped up and hugged her tightly before pressing her lips to Lilly's.

Twenty thousand throats screamed out their approval, making Lilly's ears ring. Lilly kissed back, but only for a second, not really wanting to give these people even more of a show. Miley hugged her again, then pulled back and slipped the ring on Lilly's finger. "Don't tell Sarah it's a real diamond," she said into Lilly's ear, pressing a quick kiss on the side of her head, and a surprised laugh bubbled out of Lilly. Miley rested her forehead on Lilly's and Lilly let her eyes slide closed, blocking out everything else for a moment.

Then a voice yelled out from the audience, calling, "It's love!" The rest of the crowd took up the shout, chanting it until the arena thundered with the words. Lilly opened her eyes and found Miley's blue ones sparkling back at her. "IT'S LOVE! IT'S LOVE! IT'S LOVE!"

"That it is," Miley said softly, squeezing Lilly's hand, and then she was gone, racing over to the mic stand and seizing Lola.

"_I see your face, I see your eyes_," she sang. "_What I feel is no surprise_..." As much noise as the audience had been making all night, it was nothing compared to what they did now when they realized that, for the first time in over six years, they were witnessing a live performance of one of Hannah's songs.

Lilly backpedaled off the stage as fast as she could without running, heaving a sigh of relief when she got back to the wings. She didn't think anyone noticed her leaving, too busy screaming themselves silly over Miley's performance.

"_We all wanna believe in love_," Miley sang, and the whole crowd joined in, singing along with her, an exuberant joy flowing through the arena. "_We all wanna believe in somethin' bigger than just us_." Lilly watched, feeling exhilaration surge through her as well, finally starting to understand what Miley had told her so long ago about the energy that came from performing, about being connected to everyone there and how alive it could make you feel.

Miley glanced over at her, grinning so hard it was a wonder she could still keep singing. Their eyes caught, and Miley looked happier than Lilly could ever remember seeing her, and right there, in that moment, Lilly couldn't imagine living any other life.

———————————————

**Okay, guys. I hope you liked it. I'll be back with the very end, the epilogue, on Friday. I'll talk about a sequel then. Until then, have a good week.**

**Oh, and the song Miley sings on stage is **_**Question**_**, by The Old 97s.**


	26. Epilogue: Fade To Black

**Before we get to the epilogue, I just want to say thank you to everyone who's read and reviewed this story. When I started this, I honestly thought that maybe five people would read it, and maybe one of those people would like it. So I'm deeply grateful for the response to this story, because I loved it so much I had to tell it, and I'm glad you guys have loved it too.**

**Special thanks to live2rite and mileymadness for reviewing **_**every**_** chapter; to TutorGurlTigger, ShadySkills5, Vanessa Riverton, Bloody Violet Heart, xburningbrightx, lita rocks LbC, croaker001, theshadowswhisper, and Stupid-Lollies for reviewing way more than this fic deserved; to coffeeandcommunity and Kurrent for leaving such insightful comments; and to xburningbrightx and Pink Starship for being awesome. Also thanks to The Milk of Human Kindness, an amazing lover still****, Bladed Darkness, loveAngel120, My Personal Rose, ABCCJPTT, ****And Your Point****, FaithIsMyHero, Initiate Six, and every other person who read and reviewed.**

**If you're interested in a sequel to this or in what else I might be writing, I'll ask you to check my user profile as I've put up some information there. (And, Wannabe, I haven't forgotten and I will put up that character stuff on my website by the end of the weekend, I promise. Sorry I am so slack.)**

**And on to the end.**

———————————————

**Epilogue: Fade To Black**

———————————————

_the long way to you is still tied to me, but it brought me to you  
I keep wanting to give you what is already yours  
it is the morning of the mornings together  
breath of summer, oh my found one  
the sleep in the same current and each waking to you_

_when I open my eyes you are what I wanted to see._

- W.S. Merwin, "A Birthday"

———————————————

**August 21, 2014**

The underside of the car scraped against a rock and Miley winced. Maria the Third was still brand-new, and last month Lilly had yelled at her for kicking the back door shut when she was unloading stuff and had her arms full. Miley spared a quick glance at Lilly before turning her attention back to the steep dirt road. Lilly was still asleep. Good. Miley didn't see how she could be – the road was beyond bumpy – but she didn't want anything going wrong for the next week and a half, no matter how small.

It wasn't too much farther to the cabin, and within ten minutes Miley was pulling up next to it. The windows were dark and it looked deserted. Probably, Miley thought, because it was.

She cut the engine off, then reached over to shake Lilly. "Lilly. Lilly, wake up. We're here." Sleepy blue eyes blinked open and focused on her, and Miley was struck all over again by how lucky she was. "We're here."

Their car doors opened in unison. Miley got out and shut hers, started for the cabin leaving Lilly stretching and yawning at the car. The cabin door was locked. Miley let one hand settle on the doorknob while she sorted through her keys for the right one. She found it and got the door open, the inside of the cabin grey and quiet and empty.

Miley stopped on the threshold and flipped up the light switch set just inside the door. Weak yellow light joined the whiter, brighter stream coming in the open doorway. Lilly's came up behind her and her shadow melded into Miley's, their outline stark and stretched out across the cabin floor.

"If feels weird, doesn't it?" Lilly said, her chin on Miley's shoulder.

"Yeah," Miley said. Maybe not empty, after all, but full instead, full of absence. "It's just...she's always been here, you know?"

"I know," said Lilly. She hugged Miley from behind, then lightly tickled at her stomach. "Should I carry you in?"

Miley made a scoffing noise. "If anything, _I_ should carry _you_."

"What?" Lilly said, pretending offense. "Why?"

"I'm taller."

Lilly poked her in the side with a stiff finger. "I'm _stronger_."

Miley sucked in a breath and let it out very slowly. "It's not our house."

"No," Lilly agreed. Her arms dropped from Miley's waist and one of her hands found its way to Miley's, fingers threading together. "Come on. Let's go in."

The cabin smelled slightly musty, as though Angel had been gone for much longer than two days. It made Miley expect a layer of dust on the counters, the table, but there wasn't. They went around opening curtains and windows, letting in fresh air and the last hour of daylight. The place seemed less abandoned with sun and the sounds of birds floating through it on the delicate breeze.

"Let's keep the windows open all night," Miley said, coming back into the main room from their bedroom.

Lilly pushed up the last of the three windows behind the table, turned and wrinkled her nose. "It might get kinda chilly."

"Then we'll just have to figure out a way to keep warm," Miley said, and grinned wolfishly at her. Lilly rolled her eyes, but Miley noticed she didn't object to the idea. "Do you think she'd come? If we called her?"

"I don't know," Lilly said seriously, her expression clouded. She crossed the room and hugged Miley again and Miley pressed her face into Lilly's hair. "But let's at least wait until after the honeymoon to try it."

Miley laughed softly, let her go. She wouldn't do it, she knew. She wouldn't call Angel, but she'd believe that if she ever did, Angel would come.

They went back out for the luggage. It was only a little past five, but the sun was already dipping down towards the edges of the mountains. Dusk came earlier here, lasted longer. Miley stood on the porch a moment, surveying the woods that surrounded the cabin, the trees thick with the green of late summer.

"We could have gone to Hawai'i," she said, taking the steps off the porch. Dust stirred in her footsteps as she walked to the car and helped Lilly lift their bags from the trunk. "Or Bermuda, the Bahamas. The Virgin Islands. We could be lying out on a beach right now with waiters bringing us smoothies."

"We live on the beach," Lilly pointed out, because they did now. "Besides, this is better. Just us."

"Yeah," Miley said. "Hey, we could go camping while we're up here."

Lilly shouldered one of their bags. "Don't push it, Stewart," she said, and went around to get some of the groceries from the back seat.

"It's Truscott," Miley said. She was keeping Stewart professionally, but she knew the value of having a name to use that wasn't instantly recognizable the world around.

Lilly laughed. It sounded silvery in the clear mountain air. "I haven't gotten used to that yet."

"You will," Miley said. She slung the other bag over her shoulder and shut the trunk, walked around to help with the groceries. "We only got married yesterday. We've got time." They'd spent the night at the new house, left early that morning to drive up here. The wedding had been simple, just what they could put together in a couple months. Small, mostly family, a couple friends, Angel.

The ceremony had gone perfectly, and if the paparazzi had found the reception at Robby Ray's and made a gauntlet she and Lilly had to run to get to the car, well, Miley just hoped they'd gotten some good shots. It had been dark by then, but they had much better cameras than any of the invited guests, probably even than the hired photographer, so they must have. She'd call Jenny in a few days and have her get her hands on some of them.

They made two trips to bring everything in, put the groceries away, and unpacked. They weren't staying for too long because school started for Lilly at the beginning of September, but Miley was through living out of suitcases. She started putting dinner together while Lilly changed, a light, simple meal: sandwiches, salad, some of the fruit they'd brought. She had a bunch of other, more involved things she wanted to cook for Lilly while they were up here, things she knew would make Lilly moan and close her eyes and say they were better than sex until Miley proved her wrong, but today she was tired from the drive. And hungry, and willing to bet that if she was ready to eat, Lilly was doubly so.

Miley finished slicing a pear and raised an eyebrow when Lilly came out of the bedroom, taking in her tank top, capris, and bare feet. "I thought you were worried about it getting chilly?"

"I thought you were gonna keep me warm," Lilly smirked. She sidled up to Miley, pressed herself against Miley's side, and stole a slice of pear off Miley's plate.

"Hey, that was mine!" Miley protested.

"Oh, didn't you hear?" Lilly said. "We're married now, so what's yours is mine." She bit off half the slice at once and chewed with satisfaction.

Miley put an arm around her waist, kissed the top of her head. "That's always been true."

"I know," Lilly said. She turned further into Miley, tangled her free hand in Miley's hair, and tugged her head down, resting their foreheads together for a minute. "I know." She kissed the corner of Miley's mouth, then pulled away and offered Miley the other half of the pear slice.

Miley ate it from her fingers. "You're so easy," she chortled, chewing happily. Lilly pinched at the skin above Miley's hip, but she was smiling.

After they ate, they went out on the porch and sat on the bench out there, which wasn't as comfortable as even the wooden deck chairs, but it held both of them. There wasn't much to see, just the cloudless expanse of sky and the woods slowly filling with shadows. The inside of the cabin glowed gold behind them as the sunlight faded and the air outside turned blue.

Lilly propped a foot on the bench and sat back against the wall of the cabin. Miley reached out, lightly drawing her fingers across Lilly's calf where it stuck out of her capris. "You trying to start something there, toad?" Lilly asked, amused.

"Maybe," Miley drawled, but she wasn't. She moved her hand lower, her eyes following its path. She just wanted to feel Lilly's skin, to feel Lilly, just wanted –

Her hand stopped. She could feel her heart beat faster, her pulse jumping in her temples and her wrists. "Lilly," she said. "What is that?"

"It's, um – " Lilly cleared her throat. "Angel did it for me," she said, looking at Miley, watching for her reaction. "The night before last." Miley kept her hand on Lilly's calf, stared at the tattoo. It was hard to see in the low light, white against the bare skin of Lilly's ankle, a shooting star.

"I got it because..." Lilly paused, took a breath, searching for words as her eyes searched Miley's face. Miley held herself still, waiting. "It means...it means that even if I could, even if I had another wish, even if I could wish for anything, no restrictions, even if I could wish for anything at all, I wouldn't."

Miley slid her hand down, her heart calming. She wrapped her fingers around the inside of Lilly's ankle. Her thumb moved over the tattoo, back and forth, tracing it.

"What about you?" Lilly asked.

Miley looked out at the dark woods, at the first few stars appearing in the sky. She thought about everything that had happened, everything that she'd gone through, everything they both had. Everything that had brought them here, to this place, together.

Everything was connected. You changed one thing, you changed all of them. She knew that, she'd learned that lesson. She leaned against Lilly, laid her head down on Lilly's shoulder, felt Lilly's cheek come to rest on the top of her head. The night was turning a little chilly, but sitting like this they were warm.

"No," Miley said. She put her thumb over the ink etched into Lilly's skin, covering it. "I wouldn't wish for anything. I love my life exactly the way it is."

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**END**

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